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Strawberry Jam

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"arent you tired?" Xue Yang looked up from his phone confused. "it’s 1 AM. Aren't you tired?" his boyfriend had his back turned towards him but his voice was icy. Xue Yang locked his phone, placing it on the nightstand and turning off the small lamp on it. He lifted the blanket, scooting towards Xingchen to wrap his arms around the warm body.

"Let's sleep, baby"


Xingchen knew the second he would start a relationship with Xue Yang there would be a time where he’ll grow tired of him. He expected it to happen and he thought he was prepared for it. It happened too soon though, the sweetness of their relationship hit its peak and Xingchen didn’t expect it to rot so fast. He thought about peaches from his grandma's garden that would be displayed on a pretty plate and but the little boy would rather pick the chocolate than the sweet fruit leaving it to rot so it was only a delicacy for insects and larva.

Chocolate was sweeter and it took longer to rot away.



It was another morning with Xue Yang nowhere to be seen. He was probably sleeping at his friends house. Usually people would’ve thought their partner was cheating at this point but Xingchen knew his boyfriend. He was loyal but also too loyal to the point he would rather hang out with a bunch of coworkers instead of straight up fucking someone else or just telling Xingchen to leave.

He was tired of it he knew he didn’t have the guts to break up with Xue Yang, he thought about it countless times but maybe them staying together was fate's way of saying that their love was too sweet to rot away. At least Xingchen made sure of that.

The smell of strawberry jam was rich and made his mouth water at the thought of the sweet and fruity taste invading his senses. The butterknife was gliding against Xingchen's tongue as he licked away the remains of the sticky red substance.

The door unlocked and Xue Yang stepped into the apartment, to exhausted to even notice his boyfriend standing there sweetly his body wrapped up in a kimono like night-robe, his legs golden in the sunlight. Xue Yang took off his shoes, gently placing them on the shelf because he knew his boyfriend would complain if they were laying scattered in the hallway. Xue Yang was about to leave for a shower only for Xingchen to grab his wrist.

"Where are you going?", he looked beautiful without his glasses and collarbones on display. Xue Yang was curious what about what was hiding behind the folds of Xingchen's robes, if the buds were as peachy pink like his kimono was and if they tasted as sweet as the peaches from the supermarket. "I want to take a shower" Xue Yang answered and his foolish self believing he could get away with that. Xue Yang and Xiao Xingchen were contrasting sweetly like a devil and angel. But whenever Xingchen wanted something or got upset he would become scarier than death itself.

"I made you breakfast" Xue Yang was about to complain but Xingchen already dragged him to the kitchen. There was a plate one of the pretty ones with flowers that looked like they were painted with watercolors. The strawberry jam reflecting the sunlight, it looked tasty and its crimson color made it look unreal. But Xue Yang was so so tired, it was his free day and he wanted to sleep because yesterday the jobs were so exhausting. "Xingchen, I'm tired-" glass shattered, the pretty red jam spilled all over the white tiles making them sticky. it looked like a crime scene but the kitchen smelled sweet.

"Don’t you think I'm tired too?", Xingchen never raised his voice nor threw things so Xue Yang was surprised but at the same time heat was sparkling in his lower regions like the strawberry jam spreading out like honey on the floor. It smelled like sugar and sweat. "I'm sorry" Xingchen muttered. He kneeled down to pick up the shards, his fingers painted red like he smeared syrup all over them.

Clean fingers grabbed his waist, white socks clad feet pushing away the shards yet it still cracked like he stepped over them. Xingchen exhaled as Xue Yang grabbed his leg and pushed up the silky fabric to expose smooth skin. It reminded him of a abstract painting with a white canvas and crimson smeared all over it. Xue Yang couldve imagined things but the more he exposed skin the intenser the sweet smell.

A tongue traced up the marks of strawberry jam on Xingchen’s leg. The flat side circling over his knee, pushing into the hollow and stopping to retreat itself. Xingchen grapped his robe, pushing it over his shoulder to expose the perky buds. His hand running over them, his covered fingers spreading the sweet syrup on his pale chest, running over his ribs like a guitarist would play his instrument. Xingchen placed his thumb against his lips, tongue darting out to experience the rich taste. Xingchen moaned, it was sweet but it also tasted metallic. The red syrup was thicker than blood would ever be.




"I want to go out again" Xue Yang looked up. Throwing the red stained cloth to the table and Xingchen grimaced at that. "What do you mean? We never really went one dates" Xue Yang was confused it was unusual for Xingchen to act all needy and desperate for affection. Before they started dating Xue Yang explained to him that he was new to everything, all the relationships before him were just a one-time thing, nothing too serious, he explained that he wasn’t really fond of too much affection but it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love him.

"We could try" Xingchen lifted his leg, resting his chin on it but the main reason was trying to expose the pretty lace pattern that was between his legs. Xue Yang kept looking him in the eye, he was bored of him. "I put some gloss on my lips. It tastes sweet." Xue Yang's eyes trailed to them, Xingchen was about to grin but Xue Yang already got up leaving for bed. Xingchen pouted, thinking for a second if there was a way to cover up the aching in his chest.

"Don’t you wanna sweet-talk me into bed?" Xingchen got up, his body crashing against Xue Yang’s as he embraced him from his back. "Why’s that? A few seconds ago you wanted to go out like normal couples do" Xue Yang grinned, excitement rushing through his body. "That’s not what I meant. You know that" Xue Yang turned around, hands trailing towards his waist, thumbs pressing against his hipbones, Xingchen felt weak. "I’m sorry I didn’t tell you like I used to but you’re gorgeous especially today with the gloss and all. But I'm so tired Xingchen" lips pressed against his, the warmth left as quickly as it came, he didn’t even lick away the sweet gloss. "I love you, goodnight."

Xiao Xingchen kept telling himself that this is what he wanted. That he asked for it, for everything to be like it used to. For Xue Yang to call him pretty and look at him like he was the only thing that matters in this oh so boring world. But when Xingchen looked at the couples in the dramas he was watching at three AM he didn’t expect to feel unsatisfied.

He woke up the next morning feeling cold and Xue Yang gone, there was no blanket draped across him like there usually would, there was no tingling feeling of a kiss that was pressed against his closed lids and forehead while he was sleeping soundly.


Xiao Xingchen never was that type of person to be fishing for compliments and affection especially not from Xue Yang. Cause back then he knew if he did Xue Yang would grow bored of him too quickly he tried everything in his power to keep this from happening. But in the end it was useless so at least now he could take the sugar he needed until everything was moldy and distasteful.

To his surprise Xue Yang showered him with as much compliments as he desired, even after a long day of work and Xue Yang being pissed off at his boss. It turned to a routine and everything seemed to be like it used to. Xiao Xingchen would fall asleep and wake up with the press of warm lips against his. Xue Yang would embrace him when he penetrated him. Xue Yang would come home and shower him with the sweetest compliments. Xingchen would wear cherry flavored lipgloss and Xue Yang would lick it off, moaning at the taste.

Xiao Xingchen was aware that he became a fool, acting like everything was okay like their relationship was still sweet like it should be. But even something as sweet as strawberry jam will rot at some point.


They were good at pretending. Xingchen writing the script and Xue Yang following each line like a puppet so their love can maintain as long as possible. They were closer to the edge than intended and Xingchen wished he would’ve tried honey instead.