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Feast Or Famine

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“Logan! You know how we were talking about how you didn’t know what to get Remus for Christmas?”

“Yes, Patton, I recall. He’s very hard to buy for. I might just get him a sex toy, those always please him.”

“No need! I just saw an ad with a nifty jingle and I think he’d love the doll it was for. Look!”

“Tickle-Me Wiggly? Hm... It does look a bit like Cthulhu, and he likes eldritch monsters. Thank you, Patton, it’s perfect for him. Looks like I’ll be heading to the mall on Friday.”

“Actually, you might wanna go today.”

“Today? Black Friday is next week.”

“Yeah, but it looks like this doll is in really high demand. Says people are already starting to camp out to save spots in line! If you really wanna get one, it seems you need to get there very early.”

“I see... well, make sure Remus doesn’t know where I am, I want it to be a surprise.”

“Will do!”


“Um... guys? You might wanna see this...”

“What is it, Ro?”

“Well, the news suddenly blew up with stories about riots all around the country at malls all for this... really ugly looking doll. And someone managed to get footage from inside one of the malls and posted it online. And, uh... Logan’s there.”

“My boyfriend’s at a riot?! Fuck yeah! He’d better be bashing skulls in!!!”

“Well, he definitely was. He had a baseball bat and was beating the shit out of someone to steal their doll. He’s gone fucking insane!”

“We need to go help him!”

Perfect idea, Patton. Walk right into a riot unarmed and outnumbered? Completely flawless .”

“I agree, Jan, it’s perfect! Except the unarmed part. I’m bringing all the weapons I have! Time to kill people with my boyfriend!”

Remus !"