Actions

Work Header

These Four Walls

Chapter Text

Louis met Harry Styles on the first day of Freshman Orientation. He showed up at Louis’ door crying like a lost puppy.

 

“Is this 306?” He’d sniffed, holding tighter to the duffle bag that was slung over his shoulder.

“Yeah. Are you Harry Styles?” Louis asked, feeling the urge to hug the crying lad.

“Yeah.” He trudged into the room and dropped his bag and the other bags that he was carrying. “So you must be my roommate?”

“Louis Tomlinson, at your service.” He’d smiled, inwardly punching himself because he sounded dumb as fuck in front of his hot new roommate. “Do you like, need help or anything?”

“Nah, this is it. The parents are already gone. Hence the ridiculous tears.” Harry’d attempted to laugh at himself.

“Hey, it’s not ridiculous to cry when your parents leave you at college for the first time. If you had been here thirty minutes ago, you would’ve seen my waterworks.” He said, watching as Harry smiled ridiculously wide at him. He had motherfucking dimples! Could this boy get any more adorable?

“I can already tell that I’m going to like you.”

-

Harry had been right. The two of them instantly hit it off. They went from being strangers one second to best friends the next. Louis’d always heard that you make your best friends in college; he never really believed it until he met Harry. He could just tell that the two of them were going to be life-long friends.

The two of them also made other friends, Niall and Zayn, the roommates from the first floor, and Liam, the mother hen who went home every single weekend due to his overwhelming homesickness. The five of them became a package deal, but Louis and Harry were even more so the package deal. They’d done everything together from the first day.

They trolled the Student Fair on the first day together, they joined Delta Chi Alpha together, and they even applied for work study jobs in the cafeteria together, eventually getting the other three to tag along so they all worked in the caf together. All of those things were great, but Louis’ favorite part about being Harry’s roommate was at night when the books were put away and it was just the two of them, getting to know each other more with every talk, every awkward moment, every old memory.

Some nights they had talks about really weird, random things like if breastfeeding mothers got awkwardly turned on when feeding their babies or the way Dr. Tracey got a camel toe when she wore those weird kakis. But some nights they talked about more personal things.

“It’s not that I hate him,” Louis’d told Harry one night. “It’s just. Daniel’s not my dad and I don’t know, my mom has been through a lot. I would kill him if he hurt her.”

“No, I understand. I was the same way with Robin.” Harry reassured him.

That was the thing that Louis loved about Harry. He never seemed to judge Louis, no matter what the subject was. He’d never admitted to anyone that he was unsure about Daniel but Harry just took it with a grain of salt. He made Louis feel better even. Right in that moment, Louis almost said it, the thing that had been plaguing his heart for a while now. He’d been having some…feelings, feelings towards guys. The kind of feelings that he should be having towards girls. He wouldn’t say the ‘g’ word until he knew for sure. But Yahoo Answers tells him that the only way to be for sure about it is to try it out with someone. And he would, if he knew anyone that would lean in that direction with him. Well actually, he knew plenty of girls who took their clothes off and got crazy with another girl because sadly, according to society, female sexuality is a kink while male sexuality is a test of their masculinity.

“What are you thinking?” Harry asked him, bright green eyes staring at him with all the sincerity in the world.

“Just…” Louis’ throat tightened up, he wasn’t ready for this talk. This talk with Harry would make or break their relationship. Either Harry will be totally cool with Louis’ curiosity with the male anatomy or he will be freaked out about sharing a room with a possibly homosexual man. And Louis really wasn’t ready to lose Harry. “Worried for midterms.”

“Don’t sweat it,” Harry patted his knee, smiling so his breathtaking dimples showed. “You’ll do fine.”

He really, really didn’t want to lose Harry.

-

Once Louis had really let himself entertain the thought of being with another guy, he really couldn’t get it out of his mind. He became obsessed with it. He looked up how to properly clean himself so he could bottom; he looked up how to make the bottom feel good when he’s on top. He’d found out that the prostate basically served as the male g-spot, the thought causing a tingle to trickle down Louis’ spine. He’d even tried to finger himself but he didn’t have any lube so he gave up and good thing too because Harry walked in not two minutes after he’d redressed himself. Louis decided self-experimenting was too risky with the constant worry of Harry getting home from class or study group so he just needed to find someone else to experiment with. Which brought him full circle. There was no one to experiment with because there were no other out guys that Louis knew of on campus. Their school didn’t even have any LGBTQIA clubs so basically he was fucked. And not in the way that he wanted to be.

It was the week before Dead Week when Louis decided that he really, really couldn’t take it anymore. He’d never really been the suffer in silence type. If something was really bothering him, he usually complained about it for days on end. This, obviously, was a bit different. But nonetheless, he was tired of keeping it inside. He had to tell someone. And the only person he trusted with this information was Harry.

“Hey Harry,” Louis started off shakily once they’d both finally put their books away. Both of them were obviously exhausted, seeing as it was nearing three am, but this was their time to talk. And if everything went badly, Louis could blame his lack of sleep for the sudden (well, if you count since about thirteen years old, sudden) feelings towards the same sex.

“Hm.” Harry was already laid back in his top bunk, looking as if he’d drop off at any moment. For a few seconds, Louis just watched him from the bottom bunk, watching the way his chest continuously rose and fell. He hoped this wouldn’t be the last conversation that he and Harry had.

“I um. I have been hiding something from you. And I tried to make it go away, believe me, I tried. But it won’t. And I think I may die if I keep it in any longer.” His voice shook nearly as bad as his hands were. His stomach was twisting with nerves, especially with the way Harry immediately sat up, looking at him seriously.

“What’s up, Lou?” He was concerned, and rightfully so. Damn Louis and his dramatics.

“I think,” Louis paused, considering how he should phrase it. He would not use the ‘g’ word, he simply would not. “I think I maybe want to try things out … with guys.”

“I’m um, could you clarify?” Harry looked stunned but also possibly happy?

“I want to shop around. You know, walk on the other side of the street. Maybe try a bit of catching instead of always being the pitcher, taste the rainbow and all that.”

“Louis, I literally have no idea what you just said.”

“I want to see what it’s like to…be with a guy.” Louis’ heart was beating dangerously fast.

“You mean like…”

“Yes Harry! Dammit, do you want me to draw you a diagram too?” He sighed exasperatedly, throwing his hands in the air because, drama major.

“Sorry.” Harry replied in a small voice, no longer making eye contact, which in effect made Louis want to punch himself in the face. “I just wanted to make sure I understood you right before…before I told you that I feel the same way.”

“Pardon?” Louis must not have heard him correctly, there’s no way.

“I feel the same way.” This time, Harry lifted his head so that he could make eye contact with Louis.

“You feel the same way about what?” No, this could not be happening. Was Louis dreaming? Maybe he’d actually fallen asleep doing his calculus (which, who the hell needed calculus on Broadway? No one, that’s who,) prep for the upcoming final and this was all one gigantic dream. There was no way that his insanely hot roommate would be possibly into guys too. Things just never happened like that.

“I want to see what it’s like with a guy too. Do I need to draw you a diagram, Louis?” He mocked, and for a second, the two of them just sat there laughing. And then when the laughter died down, the seriousness of the situation settled over them.

“So um, what are we going to do about this then?” The exhaustion Louis felt was making him feel braver than he actually was.

“What do you mean?” Harry seemed so innocent, like a baby deer. For a moment, Louis chuckled to himself because Harry really was like a baby deer just learning to walk, stumbling all over the place, looking all wide-eyed and adorable. “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing, I’m just so tired, I’m getting slightly loopy.” Louis shook his head, back to business. If they were both curious, why not take advantage of that? “I think we should learn the ropes. With each other.”

“Alright,” Harry sighed, clasping his hands together. “You’re doing that thing you do when you’re unsure about something. You say something that could have a secondary meaning if you need to get yourself out of it but I’m telling you that if you’re suggesting what I think you’re suggesting, we need to talk straight up. No confusing secondary meanings, no beating around the bush. We need to have a frank conversation right now.”

“But I don’t know any Franks.”

“Louis.” Harry reprimanded.

“Okay, okay.” He held his hands up in surrender. “I have a proposition for you.”

“’m listening.”

“So you want to know what it’s like with a guy. I also want to know what it’s like with a guy… They say that you won’t know until you try it. So maybe we could, I don’t know, try stuff together? Like sex stuff. Like guy on guy sex stuff. And I mean, they always say that college is the time for experimenting so maybe we could experiment together…if you want.”

“So basically you want to be fuck buddies.”

“No,” Louis cringed. He really didn’t like that term, it sounded so demeaning and abusive. “More like friends with benefits.”

“Well,” Harry sighed after a long moment of silence. “I don’t know. I feel kind of swamped with finals coming up and Christmas coming up and everything. It’s not that I don’t want to it’s just like – “

“Okay, I get that. I’m stressed about finals too. How about we both take some time to think on it? We can talk more about it when we get back next semester.”

“Sounds good to me. Hey do you think that Niall would mind if I just got him a giant thing of Nutella for Christmas because I’m running out of ideas.”

And so that’s how it went. For the rest of the semester, neither of them talked about their three am conversation. The only thing that even convinced Louis that he hadn’t dreamt the whole thing up was the shopping trip in which Harry bought a sketch pad and drawing pencils for Zayn, a gift card to Starbucks for Liam and a giant thing of Nutella for Niall for Christmas.

Dead Week was appropriately named, Louis found out. At first he thought that everyone was just being dramatic about it but when it came upon him, he knew that it was not just hype. He spent nearly the whole week in the same pair of sweat pants and thick hoodie. If he wasn’t at the library, he was in his room or possibly Niall and Zayn’s room and rarely, in Liam’s room (he had a crazy roommate) studying. Once in a while, he dragged himself to the caf for work or to eat something. Other than that, his brain felt fried but even still, he couldn’t stop going over things, stressing over all of his finals as a last ditch effort to bring his grades up.

For the first time since they met, Harry was barely around. He was super stressed over finals. Louis was convinced that he’d permanently moved into his comp professor’s office, going over his final paper again and again.

Before he knew it, Harry was gone for the semester, headed to the train station to take a train back to Cheshire while Louis was stuck up at the school, cleaning out his car so his mom wouldn’t have his head when she saw the mess he let it get. He did call Harry when he was about half way home, just because he was exhausted and needed something to keep him awake. Harry’s voice instantly did the trick,

“Miss me already Lou?” He answered, sounding absolutely delighted. He must’ve already made it home; Louis could hear women in the background, talking cheerily.

“You know it Hazza.” Louis smiled into his phone and he switched lanes on the highway.

“Wait, you’re driving aren’t you?”

“Uh.”

“Louis William Tomlinson. I will not let you distract yourself. Hang up on me right now.” He demanded. Louis imagined he even stomped his foot, with that adorable little angry pout that he could never say no to.

“But Harry,” Louis complained. “I’m tired and I need you to keep me awake.”

“Fine, at least put me on speaker and put the phone down.”

“Yes mom.” Louis rolled his eyes, smiling fondly because his best friend was an absolute loser.

They chatted for most of the rest of Louis’ drive home. Eventually, Harry had actually fallen asleep while on the phone with him and though Louis would never admit it to anyone ever; he quite enjoyed the little snuffling sounds that Harry made while he was sleeping.

Louis didn’t realize how much he missed being home until he walked in the door and was tackled by the twins. They seemed to have grown so much since he last saw them. Jay and Daniel were being as couple-y as ever which Louis was still kind of not okay with but Harry remains the only person that he ever told about that.

The days seem to drag on forever. As much as he loved and missed his family, it had only been about five days but he already missed Harry and the other lads dearly. He couldn’t wait to be back with them for the next semester. And he wondered what Harry was thinking about the whole ‘friends with benefits’ thing that Louis proposed. Part of him thinks that Harry totally hates the idea and is too nice to just tell him that. Or maybe it really was finals holding Harry back. Louis could not have imagined the stress that would have been added, had they started fooling around. Not that fooling around with Harry would be stressful, more just the stress of figuring himself out, finding out what he really liked, that is what would be stressful. But even that aside, it seemed that Harry was hesitant about something. Louis vowed to text him about it after New Year’s if they still hadn’t talked about it.

His nineteenth birthday was great. Jay got him a new IPhone since his screen was basically shattered. On top of that, she got him a bunch of gift cards to the restaurants close to campus. The twins drew pictures of him (big butt included); Fiz gave him a voucher that stated that just once she would do one of the chores of his choosing for him. Lottie gave him a card with a little note that said she’d give him another present later that night. The best part of his day though, was the call he got from Harry. He’d answered the phone and Harry sang Happy Birthday to him and then went on a long spiel about how lucky he was to have such an amazing roommate like Louis. Louis will deny it to his dying day but he may or may not have teared up just slightly.

Louis was just about to go bed when Lottie knocked on his bedroom door. “Shouldn’t you be in bed? Santa’s going to be here soon.”

“Oh please,” Lottie scoffed, venturing inside his room and sitting down on his bed. “Here is the present I made you.”

Louis sat up in his bed, hand reaching out and taking the bracelet from her. He examined the beads, brow furrowed. She made him a rainbow bracelet. “What’s this then?”

“It’s a bracelet.”

“I see that. But I mean, you know what the rainbow means right?”

“Of course I know what it means, I’m not dense.” She tucked a piece of her blonde hair behind her ear, smiling at him.

“Lottie, this is nice but I’m not – “

“Alright, Louis, let me break it down for you,” She said, turning to face him seriously. “I’ve known you my entire life. I may be younger than you but I’m not stupid. I’ve suspected for a while but ever since you went to college, all you can talk about is that Harry guy. And the whole break you’ve been glued to your phone with this stupid smile plastered all over your face.”

“Lottie, I don’t know what to say.” He stared at the bracelet, feeling it burn a hole into his hand.

“Just,” She said. “Take the bracelet and know that I accept you, no matter what that means. Happy Birthday big brother.”

Louis cried himself to sleep, clutching at the stupid rainbow bracelet.

Christmas day was nice. The Tomlinson family sat around after opening presents just enjoying each other’s presence. He’d thought that things may be awkward with Lottie after the previous night but she didn’t treat him any differently. Which, what even was that? He decided not to dwell on it. It was Christmas; time to be jolly and all that.

All the lads texted him to have a happy Christmas and such which reminded him of how much he really missed all of them. He especially hated being away from Harry. They’d called each other at least once a day because it may be pathetic but he had gotten addicted to the smile that he could hear in Harry’s voice every time that they talked. If it made him pathetic, then Harry was just as pathetic as he was. He’d never had a best friend quite like Harry.

New Year’s was a fucking blast. He’d gotten together with Stan and a few of his old mates from high school and got absolutely smashed. People always talk a big game about the parties in college but Stan threw one wicked party. Louis had no idea what the hell he was even drinking half the time (which in hindsight, was dumb as fuck) but all he knew was that it was loosening him up. He even found himself a hot guy to chat up. Of course, the guy didn’t take it too kindly that Louis kept calling him Harry so that fizzled out pretty quickly.

By the time Louis registered that people were counting down, he was seeing double. The room was spinning and not in a good way. He needed to find Stan and get to a quiet place to go to sleep. He’d puke if he kept his eyes open for much longer.

Belatedly, Louis realized that his phone was vibrating in his pocket. After sliding it out of his pocket and dropping it on the ground three times before securing it in his hand, Louis blurrily read the missed calls. Hazza. Of course Harry would call him at midnight. He struggled through it but eventually, he was calling Harry back.

“You,” He said when Harry answered the phone.

“Lou! Happy New Year’s! I hope – “

“Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah such and such.”

“You’re drunk.” There’s a bit of a smile in his voice, a teasing nature.

“Yessirree, I suurrely am!” The world stopped spinning just a bit, like Harry’s voice had grounded him. Well, not completely. “And you, my beautiful roommate, are sober. Lame.”

“Some of us have to be up early tomorrow, you know.”

“Well if you have tuh be up so early, why are ya talking tuh me then?” Louis tripped on a step that he was attempted to walk up, causing him to nearly fall backwards. By some act of God, Louis was able to right himself before any serious injuries occurred.

“You okay? It sounded like you fell or something.” If Louis weren’t so entirely smashed, he probably would have blushed a bit with the concern that was obvious in Harry’s voice. Instead, he decided to make a fool of himself.

“Just for you my baby deer.” When Louis heard Harry gasp, even through his drunken haze, his heart started beating a little faster.

“Ha ha, very funny. Listen, I’m going to go. Like I said, I have to be up early. Just – make smart decisions okay? I’ll call you tomorrow to make sure you’re still alive.”

“Don’t leave me hangin!”

They hung up and Louis had to fight to not call him back. He just really enjoyed talking to him.

Louis realized that he was in the bathroom but he was too drunk to actually pick himself up and find a bed to pass out in. So the bathtub would have to suffice.

-

Harry didn’t call, he texted. Other than that, they acted like the ‘drunkenly say I’m falling for you’ thing didn’t happen. Which Louis is glad for because he doesn’t know what the hell he was thinking, saying something like that. He most definitely wasn’t falling for Harry. No, that wasn’t a thing. God, he was so stupid.

The rest of Holiday seemed like it went by too fast, yet not fast enough. He was excited to be back with his friends but he was definitely not excited for that eight am class, even if it was the easiest class of the drama department, costuming. A few days after New Year’s, Niall had texted saying that they were going to get smashed on the Irish Vodka his brother got him. Liam had set up for the five of them to go bowling the first weekend back, which meant that he was actually going to stay for an entire weekend. Zayn drew them all sketches that he thought represented them which Louis was actually pretty stoked about. And Harry had nothing really special planned but Louis just couldn’t wait to see him.

The day that they all make it back on campus, they seemed to slip back into each other like there had been no time apart. It was all great fun. They had all agreed to come back to campus with an extra day before classes officially started up again so they could hang out, stress free.

Louis distracted himself by taking a few small sips of the Vodka that Niall brought back, not enough to get drunk, just to taste. And Louis had to admit, the Irish knew their way about alcohol. He’d never tasted alcohol so smooth and rough at the same time. Harry and Zayn had gone to Zayn and Niall’s room to talk over some things about a class that they had together this semester and Liam, being the Engineering major that he was, had gone off to meet with his Engineering Club mates. So much for hanging out together before the new semester.

“Barbra texted me about hanging out today.” Niall said before taking a long swig from his bottle. The two were sat in the parlor of the boys dorms, watching some shit telly and waiting for the day to pass them by.

“What the fuck are you doing here then?” Louis demanded. “I may be g-“ Holy shit. Louis stopped in his tracks, realizing that he was about to say ‘I may be gay but B is sexy as fuck’. Shit. Shit Niall was staring at him. Fuck. Say something. “G-great company but I’m no Barbra. Go on then.”

“Nah it’s fine, we all said – “

“Seriously Niall, go.” There wasn’t room for discussion.

“Fine. You swear you won’t be upset?” Niall was already up, smoothing out his shirt and fixing his hair.

“Here, give me the bottle, I’ll take it back to your room. You go impress the mismatched socks off of your girl.”

Their room wasn’t too far from the lobby, just a short walk actually. Just as Louis was about to open the door, he heard Harry’s voice loud and clear,

“I really, really like him though.” And okay, eavesdropping was totally wrong. But the thought of Harry liking some guy had Louis’ stomach twisting in a very bad way.

“Does he like you too?” Zayn’s quiet voice was barely heard through the thick door so Louis pressed his ear to door, straining to hear some more. He had to know all about this other guy so Louis could know how to be better than him.

“I don’t know. He’s so confusing.” Harry sighed, sounding defeated. “I’m just so torn. I know I’ll get hurt if we do, but I really, really want to.”

Okay what the hell?! Louis kind of felt like he was being cheated on. Harry was sitting there, letting Louis make a fool of himself by suggesting that they experiment together when all along Harry had another guy that he was doing things with. Or at least thinking of doing things with. He was only mad for a split second before a new determination struck in his mind. Harry hadn’t done anything with this other guy so maybe if Louis beat the other guy to it, and he rocked Harry’s world, then Harry would just forget all about this other guy.

He left, forgetting all about the Vodka and bringing it down to his and Harry’s room. He was determined. He went through and cleaned his entire side of the room, ready to woo Harry, to show him that Louis was the one he wanted to be friends with benefits with, and not some other guy who was probably ugly. Okay maybe not, but in Louis’ mind, this other guy was ugly as hell and Louis was way more attractive than him, with a better arse most definitely.

Harry got back to their room a little less than an hour later, stunned into silence at the clean state of the room. “Oh my god, Louis, you cleaned?”

“Yup,” He smiled. “I figured it’s about time that you had a roommate who could keep up with you.”

“Oh.” It was an awkward response. Harry was shifting from one foot to the next awkwardly like he wasn’t sure what to do. “So listen um, about that talk that we had that one time, I say yes.”

“You mean the time when I asked if you were secretly raised by giants? I knew it.” Damn it! He hadn’t meant to tease Harry, fuck he was supposed to seduce him so successfully, and he would never want anyone else. Granted, he’d never tried to seduce anyone before, he was as virgin as they come but he didn’t think it would be that hard. He wanted to be an actor. This was just practice. And if he couldn’t even act like he knew how to be sexy with Harry, how the hell was he supposed to do it in front of an audience?

“No you twat!” Harry shoved him and what the fuck? When did Harry come to sit next to him on the bed? Fuck. Nerves twisted around in Louis’ stomach. “I meant, you know, the one talk that we had last semester about the whole…thing.”

“You mean Liam and Zayn?” He tried weakly. He was failing. He was failing so hard.

“What? No. What about Liam and Zayn? No, don’t answer that. I want to talk about us – “

“Oh god, Harry, I really am not good with feelings, let’s just – “ Panic constricted Louis, freezing him in his spot on his bed.

“God fucking dammit, Louis you are so dense. I want to be friends with benefits with you. Jesus Christ, you make everything so difficult.” Harry burst out, looking at him wildly, blushing something fierce.

“You – oh.” He was rendered speechless.

After a full minute of silence had gone by, Harry had had enough. “Would it be okay if we started with kissing? I mean not like in a couple-y way. Because obviously we aren’t a couple. I mean unless it makes you uncomfortable because that’s what matters is your comfort and I think that – “

Louis had meant for their first kiss to be a little more intense. He imagined it in his head going something like, Harry or himself rambling on about something stupid when they both looked at each other and realized that their faces were basically touching and then they would stare into each other’s eyes intensely as they both slowly leaned in until their lips touched. But no, Louis had to fuck it all up and go in for the sneak attack.

Louis didn’t really dwell on it for long though, all of his thoughts muddled together. Harry’s lips were soft, despite being just a bit chapped due to the cold weather. Kissing Harry was like expecting vegetables for dinner and getting ice cream, like waking up on pay day, like getting everything on your Christmas wish list and even more that you didn’t know you wanted.

Harry’s big hands cupped at the back of Louis’ head, lightly gripping at the hairs of the nape of his neck. Louis wasn’t really sure what he was supposed to do with his hands so they kind of flailed everywhere, resting briefly on his own legs, before moving to Harry’s, but then he was worried that Harry would get freaked out by that so he moved them to Harry’s hair which felt awkward because their arms were awkwardly crossing over each other, so he settled for keeping them on Harry’s arms. Harry had nice biceps, even if Louis’ were bigger. For some reason, this felt more intimate to Louis and he liked it.

Louis’ tongue slipped out of his mouth, sliding testily across Harry’s bottom lip.

“Mm,” Harry moaned quietly. Harry actually moaned. Louis’ dick went from mostly soft to rock hard in the span of a second. He’d never reacted that strongly to anything ever, he tensed up, just at the feeling of getting that hard that quickly. “Sorry, sorry,” Harry apologized, pulling back and blushing a deep red on every inch of his face.

“What? Why?” Louis opened his eyes just in time to stop Harry from getting up off of his bed. “C’mon don’t leave, what’s wrong?”

“I was um, being…noisy. And you got all weird.” He admitted, twisting his hands in his lap.

“No, God, that was hot. Don’t – I wasn’t – it was. You got me hard.” Now it was Louis’ turn to bring his hands to his lap, but he was mostly trying to shield his embarrassingly quick reacting to a bit of kissing.

“Oh.” Harry’s eyes travelled down to Louis’ lap, widening almost comically when he saw the obvious tent in Louis’ pants, poorly covered by his hands. Harry gulped loudly and reached out a hand.

Louis nearly died at the thought of Harry actually touching him. But he surprised both of them by instead grabbing at Louis’ hand. “Don’t you want to – touch it?” God, Louis is a failure. Failure. He lacks everything that could ever constitute as sexy. He should just give up on being an actor. He should drop out of school and build a nice little cardboard box next to Patches’ cardboard house. He’ll be the other homeless guy of Doncaster.

“Um I think that maybe we should just take this one step at a time.” Harry was staring at it, basically talking to his dick instead of actually talking to Louis. For the first time since this whole awkward mess started, Louis glanced down at Harry’s crotch, wondering if he is even turned on at all. Louis inwardly gasped when he saw the bulge in Harry’s trousers, proving that he was in the same boat as Louis.

“Okay,” Even if Harry was turned on, Louis didn’t want to force him to do anything, after all, they were experimenting here. “I’ll just go take – “

“No!” Harry nearly yelled, causing both of them to jump. “Don’t go. It’s not that I don’t want to … you know. It’s just; I’m not quite ready to touch yet…Maybe we could like do that thing where like, we rub against each other until we get off. I mean, if you want to. If you aren’t ready or whatever, then you can go and do whatever you were going to do and I’ll stay here and take care of this and then we can try another time. Or not at all if you don’t want to.”

“Harry,” Louis smiled fondly at the blushing, rambling boy. He’s not sure who has been more awkward with this, himself or Harry. But Harry’s definitely the cuter one of the two of them, especially when even his dimples get all blushy. It’s heart-warming sight honestly. “Of course I want to. It’s called grinding by the way.”

“O-oh.” For a moment, the two of them just sat there, letting the information that the both of them were hard and up for grinding on each other, hang over their heads. “So how are we going to do this?”

“Well,” Louis started, blush in his own cheeks. As blushy and awkward as this was, he loved every single second of it. “One of us can lay down and the other will like get on top of them and well, grind down.”

“I know how it goes Louis,” Harry blushed. “I meant like, who’s going to be on top? Like not – you know what I mean.”

“You can if you want.”

“Actually um, is it okay if you are? I mean, I would rather not be in control. For now. Later I might want that but for now. Is that okay?” He seemed to get rather nervous and Louis would not have that.

“Of course, yeah. Just, here.” Louis pushed at Harry’s shoulder until Harry was flat on his back in Louis’ bed. “Either I can like, straddle you or you can spread your legs and I can get be-“ Louis hadn’t even finished his sentence and Harry’s legs were spread. Jesus fuck, this kid was going to kill him. Harry Styles was officially going to be the death of him.

“Okay…” Louis whispered to himself as he fit himself between Harry’s legs, slowly lowering until he could feel Harry’s hard cock pressing into his. The pressure was light in case Harry decided he didn’t want to do this anymore. Slowly, Louis’ eyes dragged away from where they were touching, up up up, until he met Harry’s eyes. “Can I kiss you?”

“Please,” It was a simple whisper but it had Louis’ heart sky rocketing.

He leaned down and pressed his lips to Harry’s. Louis couldn’t even describe what he was feeling. He sort of felt like he may explode, this was all so much at once. He was on top of a hot boy, but even more than that, he was on top of Harry. Harry wanted this, he could feel the evidence of that. He didn’t even know how that made him feel, like he was nervous and excited, his thoughts were racing nearly as fast as the beat of his heart.

Harry opened his mouth the very second that Louis’ tongue touched his bottom lip, and then their tongues were tracing the paths of each other’s mouths and it was so fucking hot. Louis had snogged a few girls back in high school and he despised it. He did not want any of their tongues in his mouth, but Harry, something about Harry had his whole body on fire.

His hips started moving on their own accord, just moving, not really applying pressure. Harry mewled and Louis’ answering moan was a lot higher pitched than he’d ever admit. Fuck, fuck, fuck, they’d barely even done anything and he was already getting himself so worked up. He tore his mouth from Harry’s, just to take a second to breathe. When he looked down to Harry, his green eyes were blown out with lust, it was so fucking hot. Everything about this moment with Harry, everything about Harry was so hot.

“Louis,” Harry breathed, hands coming up to grip at Louis’ shoulders.

“Hm?” His pitch had raised again as he kept moving against Harry. Fuck, Louis could just feel that Harry had a big dick, he could feel the monster that was begging to be released.

“More. Like, go harder.” Even in the moment, Harry managed to be awkward and Louis loved it. It melted his heart on whole other level. But aside from that, Harry was asking him to go harder which had Louis’ cock twitching in his pants.

Of course, Louis obliged, grinding down really hard onto Harry just to hear his reaction.

“Yeah,” Harry moaned loudly, his own hips bucking into it. “Like that.”

So Louis kept up the same pressure, continuously grinding down, loving the way that Harry’s thighs seemed to clamp tighter around him with every roll of Louis’ hips. At first, Louis couldn’t even tell that Harry was holding sounds back but one look at Harry’s blush-ridden, lip bitten face, and he knew.

“You can,” Louis panted through the sentence, sudden feeling kind of overwhelmed. “You can be louder. It’s okay.”

Harry seemed to go even redder at that but he seemed to be trying to get comfortable with being vocal. He whined but he still seemed slightly uncomfortable. So Louis decided that instead of staring down at Harry like he had been, he would just turn his attention to the lovely pale neck that was all exposed for him. He attached his lips to a spot on Harry’s next, hips never ceasing. Harry’s body went tense underneath him as he sucked a mark onto his neck.

“You okay?” Louis whispered, breath tickling Harry’s ear.

“Yeah,” Harry’s breathing had turned harsh and Louis worried that maybe they needed to find his inhaler. “Feels good…I think…Louis I’m sorry, but I think I’m going to come soon.”

“It’s okay, you can come whenever you need to baby.” He wasn’t sure where the whole ‘baby’ thing had come from but Harry keened at the nickname so he figured he did well. Plus, it felt good to him to call Harry baby. He went back to sucking marks onto Harry’s neck, hoping that other guy would see them and know that he was too late, Harry was his. At that thought, Louis ground down onto Harry extra hard, a growl practically ripping from his throat.

“Oh god!” Harry nearly shouted, legs clamping a death grip around Louis, ankles hooked together behind him. “I’m so close, Lou. Please…are you,” He swallowed audibly. “Are you gonna come soon?”

“Yeah Haz.” It was true, he’d been so focused on making this good for Harry and pleasing Harry that he didn’t even notice the way he ached, the way his stomach muscles were contracting with how close he was.

A few moments later, Harry’s body practically seized up, releasing a loud, “Louis!” into their room. It was the absolute hottest thing that Louis had ever seen or heard in his entire life. And that’s saying something. He may be a virgin (well, now an experienced virgin thank you very much) his has watched countless hours of porn (god bless Jake Bass’ soul).

That, combined with the fact that it was his name that Harry had yelled out, mid orgasm, had Louis’ hips stuttering against Harry’s softening cock. He captured Harry’s lips in his own, biting down probably a bit too harshly on Harry’s bottom lip as he came. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. That’s all that was going through his mind as his body zinged with pleasure, tingling everywhere.

For a while, the two of them snogged lazily, neither of them willing to move. Eventually though, the stickiness in Louis’ pants was beginning to get a bit uncomfortable.

“’M gonna go jump in the shower.”

“’Kay.” Harry’s voice sounded raw with exhaustion. It should not have been as hot as it was.

Louis’ shower was honestly longer than it needed to be. But he felt weird. He loved what just happened between him and Harry, he really, really did. He’d do it over any day of the week. And he really wanted to continue doing things with Harry. But part of him was…sad. He couldn’t explain it so he just shoved it away. He chalked it up to the fact that he actually didn’t get to touch Harry. That was how he’d know anyway. Like he couldn’t be sure about the whole ‘g’ thing until he’d at least touched someone else’s dick besides his own.

-

Louis and Liam were tucked away in Liam’s room (his roommate was off fucking his girlfriend) studying for the test coming up in their General Science class. It was nice. Things were getting so complicated with the five of them. There were things going on between he and Harry, Louis suspected that something was going down between Liam and Zayn, Niall and Zayn even got into a disagreement after Niall brought Barbra back to their room, Harry and Zayn kept sneaking off together and doing god knows what, it felt like the only combination that didn’t have some sort of unspoken beef with each other was he and Liam.

“Remember PMAT, Louis that is what Dr. Kretz told us, PMAT.”

“Right, Prophase, Metaphase, Anaphase, Telaphase. Right?”

“Good. Alright, switch again – “

“Liam,” Louis complained. “We’ve been studying for like three hours. C’mon. A break at least. Please?”

“Fine.”

They put a bit of Castle on the telly and actually watched it for a good ten minutes.

“Are you and Harry fucking?” It was so blunt, Louis choked on air.

“What? What makes you say that?” They had never really fully even talked about what the perimeters of their situation were. Do they tell people? Are they on the DL? Is Harry on the DL? So Louis’ first reaction is to deny everything. Well, kind of. The best way to not lie is to go around the subject and make them think you deny it, when in all actuality, you don’t deny or confirm anything.

“That’s not an answer.” Fuck Liam.

“Are you and Zayn fucking?” Diversion. Next best option. And considering that Liam is really looking like the guy who stepped in it, the diversion worked.

“How did you find out?” He was so genuinely surprised, Louis hugged him.

“Liam I’m close friends with both of you. And also I’m not blind. But don’t worry, I don’t think that the others have noticed. Niall’s so gone for B that he wouldn’t notice if you guys fucked right in front of him.”

“It’s not just that though.” His voice was quiet, stilled with contentment.

“What do you mean? I’m confused.”

“It’s not just fucking. We’re together.”

“Ew so you mean like feelings and stuff.” He playfully turned up his nose.

“Shut up, it’s better with feelings. Like knowing that we love each other makes the sex much better. Well, he hasn’t used the big ‘l’ word yet but he will. The painting he gave me for Christmas had a bunch of realistic hearts ingrained into the engineering images and the music notes. He claimed it was because I have so much love for my family but I see through it. I know him. But the point is, yes we get off together, but he also lets me come to his room when my roommate’s being a dick or when I miss home too much, and I listen when he rants about the ‘holier than thou’ bitch in his Art History class or encourage him to dye that streak of blonde into his quiff simply because he wanted to.”

“God that was your idea?” Louis laughed. Liam didn’t answer. He was a lot smarter than people gave him credit for. “I still don’t understand the painting he gave me but he wanted me to try and figure out what it meant.”

“I love the both of you, you know. I just don’t want to see you or Harry get hurt.”

“I could say the same to you, you know.”

“I know.”

“So how about that study guide?”

It plagued Louis for the rest of the night. How had Liam picked up on it? They were just having sexual relations that’s all. Was like, written on his and Harry’s faces or some shit? Maybe they should tune it down a bit.

Of course, that didn’t happen. In fact they turned it up. They’d been fooling around for nearly a month and Harry was so fucking into it, it turned Louis to jelly every time he thought about it. They grinded every single night, sometimes twice in one night. And occasionally, Louis was wake up with Harry straddling his hips, grinding down onto him sleepily. Those were probably Louis’ favorite times.

But the thing that never changed was that after every single time, Louis got sad. He’d even cried in his ‘after grinding shower’ once. It was frustrating because he didn’t even know why. It was like, Harry would crawl into his bed or vice versa and Louis would be like the happiest person there probably ever was and then Louis would drag himself to the shower and then to his bed. He’d watch Harry fall asleep on his own bed and Louis’ heart always felt so heavy.

Before he even knew it, it was Harry’s birthday. This time, Louis woke Harry up by grinding down onto him, it was hot. He could see the appeal in watching the unabashed feelings cross over Harry’s sleep ridden face. It did make him a bit self-conscience about what he looked like when Harry did this to him, but he put that away for the moment. This day was about Harry.

The four of them had planned to take Harry out for dinner at Applebee’s and then for some ice cream at Baskin Robin’s. And the best part was that Louis called Gemma and got her to agree to come to campus and surprise Harry. Harry’s face when he saw his big sister was absolutely priceless. Louis bubbled with pride that he’d made his Harry’s birthday an awesome one.

Louis observed that while they were at Applebee’s, Liam and Zayn kept stealing looks at each other, it was kind of sweet. Louis hated feelings but if he were being honest with himself, he wanted something like they had so badly. He longed for it. He’d never admit that though.

At Baskin Robin’s, Harry kept rubbing his thigh under the table, dangerously close. Louis couldn’t do anything except sit there, frozen. Gemma was on Harry’s other side, thankfully very engrossed in a conversation with Niall about Irish football teams. Normally, Louis would be all up in that conversation but he had lost the ability to speak. Damn Harry and his satisfied smirk.

He wanted to leave his own party pretty quickly. Harry made up some weak excuse as to why Louis had to come with him too. As soon as they were safely locked in their dorm room, Louis was planning on scolding Harry for giving him a semi but he didn’t even have time. Harry pushed him backwards until he was sitting on his bottom bunk and he crawled straight into Louis’ lap, kissing at his neck.

“Babe,” Louis gulped. “What’s gotten into you tonight? Not that I don’t love it because I do.”

“For my birthday,” Harry whispered into Louis’ ear, causing goosebumps the prick Louis’ skin. “I want to give you a present.”

“H-Harry, that doesn’t make sense,” Louis stuttered, eyes nearly rolling to the back of his head when Harry started grinding down on him. “You get presents on your birthday, not me.”

“Just take off your clothes.” He demanded. And then he softened. “If you’re comfortable with that of course. I don’t want to pressure you or anything.”

“C-can we be naked together?” He asked nervously. It wasn’t that he didn’t want whatever amazing thing that Harry had planned. It was just that, he’d always been a little self-conscious about his body, he didn’t want to be completely naked if Harry was completely clothed. He needed them to vulnerable together.

“Of course, yeah.” He climbed off of Louis’ lap, already stripping. Nakedness was like second nature to Harry, that was something he’d learned after about a week of being his roommate. But of course, Louis never even let himself look because he thought it’d be a creeper move. He just wished he was that comfortable with his body.

It was quiet aside from the ruffling of clothes and the undoing of zippers and buttons. And then they were both naked. Louis was actually naked with another person, another guy, with Harry. He was so nervously excited.

“So um, what exactly did you have in mind?” Louis asked, sitting back on the bed, trying hard not to think about the fact that Harry’s dick was close to his face. Which, while on that note, Louis was right, Harry was eight inches easy. Another wave of self-consciousness passed through Louis. His cock barely reached the six inch mark.

“I want to give you a hand job. Like proper.” Harry sat next to Louis on the bed, hand on his bare thigh.

“Harry,” Louis said, throat closing with sudden nerves.

“Hey, what’s wrong? You don’t have to.” Harry went even softer, removing his hand from Louis’ thigh. Louis’ throat closed even more, and there it was, that sad feeling he always got after they fooled around.

“I’m,” Louis croaked, knowing he needed to say something. “Not hot.”

“Baby,” It was the first time that Harry had called him that. It had Louis melting next to Harry. And it was then that Harry finally noticed that Louis was covering up his cock. “You’re the hottest guy I’ve ever met, honest. You are so fucking fit, it give me chills. And,” Harry rested his hand over Louis’ that were covering his cock. “If this is about size, then let me tell you, I don’t give a fuck if you have a two inch penis, I’ll love whatever we do because it happened with you.”

“You swear you won’t laugh or like, tell other people about this?” Louis never really felt like he had a small dick before but compared to Harry, he was practically microscopic.

“Louis, you know I would never do that.” Harry kissed him and it felt way more intimate than anything they’d ever done. More intimate than sitting there with each other in the nude. But it was the cure for Louis’ insecurity. “Let’s just lay down. If you want.”

They laid next to each other for a moment and Louis wondered if this was how all friends with benefits arrangements worked. Did they always comfort each other about their sexual insecurities? Did they even make eye contact? Were he and Harry doing it wrong? Maybe. But he liked him and Harry’s way of things.

“Can I touch you?” Harry’s voice was nearly a whisper. Louis gulped but nodded.

The moment when Harry’s big hand engulfed Louis’ cock was the most glorious moment of Louis’ life.

“Haa.” Louis exhaled, tensing just from the grip. He blushed heavily because this was so much different than grinding on Harry and Harry was watching him intensely. He loved being the center of attention and even more so, the center of Harry’s attention but this wasn’t some scripted play or silly joke, this was Harry’s hand moving on Louis’ cock.

“Is this okay?” Harry whispered, looking to Louis’ eyes.

“Mhm.” Louis replied breathily. He was sporadically moving his hips, fucking Harry’s fist, simply because he couldn’t help it. “God, Harry.”

“Am I…Am I doing okay?” Harry asked, blushing. He kept moving his fist over Louis’ cock with no real technique but it was the best (okay the only, but still) hand job that Louis had ever received.

“Yeah, don’t stop.” His reply came in pants. Once he had managed to gain his breath a little, Louis attacked Harry’s lips. “Doing-doing great.” He pulled back just long enough to reassure Harry and then he was back at his lips.

“You’re so fucking hot like this Lou.” Harry bit his lip at the admission. “I can’t believe you can’t see how beautiful you are.”

“G-give me your hand.” Louis struggled through the sentence, grabbing Harry’s hand away from his cock. Harry gave him a confused look but Louis just continued, bringing Harry’s hand up to his mouth. He licked at Harry’s palm and brought it back down to his cock. “’s better this way.” He explained.

“Fuck, I’m sorry I didn’t even think about – “ Harry was cut off by Louis’ rough moan.

Louis was starting to writhe a bit, flushing at the tips of his ears. Harry decided he wanted to finish the up, he couldn’t wait to see Louis’ orgasm face, and it was one of his literal favorite things. His eyes got all squinty which brought out the crinkles by them, and his entire body tensed and flushed. His lips were always caught between his teeth for the entirety of it. It was fucking sexy.

Harry gripped Louis tighter, wanking him faster and harder. He watched as Louis’ eyes started to squint, body growing more and more tense.

“Fuck, I’m gonna come. “ Louis gasped out, his sweaty fringe sticking beautifully to his face.

“C’mon Lou,” Harry chanted, pressing kisses to his face and neck as his hand furiously worked Louis’ length. Louis’ cock nearly looked purple at the head. He was whining so loud the guys in the rooms next to theirs could most likely hear it.

Louis released a feminine sounding groan and his body went completely still as the most intense orgasm of his life washed over him. Come spilled out onto Harry’s hand, dripping down onto Louis’ bed. His entire body tingled and twitched, stars appeared behind his eyelids and his hand gripped Harry’s bicep so hard, there would probably be bruises.

It was still for a long few moments as Louis calmed from the world-rocking orgasm. All that could be heard were the harsh breaths from Louis and the calm in and out of Harry’s breathing. It was getting dark in their room as the sun set, light from the street light cascading over them through the blinds of their window.

“So that was good right?” Harry was the first to break the still silence.

“You kidding me? That was fantastic. I literally thought I was going to die for a second there. It was that good.”

“Stop,” Harry blushed, shifting around on the bed. As he shifted, Harry’s (still very hard) cock rubbed up against Louis’ bare thigh.

“Shit, I’m sorry!” Louis said, feeling like an idiot because he totally planned to return the favor and then he just got so wrapped up in what he was feeling that he totally forgot. “Here, let me do you.”

“You don’t have to,” Harry was quick to say. “I’m so close anyway, I could just finish myself off. Unless you like, don’t want to see me do that.”

“Shut up,” Louis kissed him, fond smile on his lips. “I would love to see you touch yourself. Some other time. Right now, I want to get my hands on you.”

Louis gasped the first time he fit his hand around Harry. “You are so big.” Louis forcibly squashed down another wave of insecurity in favor of focusing on Harry.

He wasn’t lying. Harry seemed so close to teetering over the edge that it almost looked painful. It felt weird to Louis to have a cock in his hand. Harry certainly felt different than he did. He was longer and just a bit thicker. It was odd but Louis loved it. He couldn’t get enough of it. In fact, he’d done the same thing as Harry and forgot to lick at his palm to ease the dry pull. But instead of licking his palm, Louis just used the precome that was near-constantly dripping from Harry. It seemed that Harry was one of those that produced hellish amounts of precome and honestly, Louis couldn’t think of anything hotter.

Louis’ hand slid up and down Harry’s shaft quickly. It was clear that he was dangerously close, he kept doing that thing he does with his eyebrows every time he gets close. Louis felt weird that he actually knew things like that or that Harry popped his ankles when he was close or that Harry loved to be the dominant one when they kissed or that Harry had a few pairs of jeans that he actually called his “Fuck my thighs” jeans (and Louis has certainly thought about it).

“Come, gonna come.” He breathed. A nervous excited tingle ran down Louis’ spine. He was about to see another guy’s come for the first time, to feel it, to maybe even taste it. With renewed haste, Louis racked his brain, thinking of things that he liked to do to himself when he was wanking. Thumb over the head, yes that was his favorite.

Harry only lasted two thumb strokes before he was wailing and coming everywhere.

“Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit,” Harry just kept mumbling as he twitched through his orgasm.

Louis sat back on his knees staring at his hand that was covered in Harry’s come. It felt weird but he really, really liked it. He was itching to taste it though. But Harry was right there and what if Harry thought that was weird or disgusting or something?

“Would,” Louis cleared his throat. “Would it be weird if I…” He didn’t finish the sentence; he kinda just awkwardly stuck his tongue out and hoped that Harry got the idea.

“God, Lou.” Harry just groaned. “Go on.”

Tentatively, Louis stuck the tip of his tongue out and touched it to the substance on his hand. The taste was bitter but he actually kind of liked it. Louis had tasted himself before just to see but he tasted much different than Harry. Harry was bitter and a bit salty while Louis tasted kind of sweet.

“What’s it like?” Harry asked, turned all soft again, in more ways than one.

“Different…I could get used to it.” That thought almost sends Louis into a panic. He hadn’t meant like, in a commitment way. “Anyway, I’m gonna hit the shower.”

“You don’t have to.” Harry offered, seeming to be opposed to Louis’ post coital shower for the first time. “We could just, like, you know, lay here. Together.”

“I would but um. I don’t know. I have this thing. I have to shower after. It’s a thing.” He’d stuttered over his words, hurrying to get out of his own bed. He’d tripped on his way over to get his towel and bath stuff and stubbed his toe on the desk, muttering curse words until he’d finally shut the door behind him. And then it felt like he could finally breathe.

He cried in the shower again. Harry deserved better than him. Maybe he should just tell Harry to run along with that other guy because Louis can’t manage to do anything with Harry without feeling sad afterword, and even crying on occasion. He hated that he had to turn Harry down but he just couldn’t be in that room anymore. And it wasn’t even Harry’s fault. He loved Harry, like a best friend, it was just. Something inside of him was different after they fooled around.

When he finished with his shower, he quietly dressed. Harry was asleep on his bed, snoring loudly but still somehow managing to look adorable and sexy. He was still naked and covering in drying come so Louis wiped him down and covered him up. He wanted so badly to get under the covers and cuddle with Harry but something was holding him back. He couldn’t even look at the somehow still innocent-looking boy without wanting to cry again. So he tiptoed up three flights of stairs, up to Liam’s room. His roommate was out again thankfully so that meant their door was unlocked.

“Liam?” He whispered into the darkness of Liam’s room. There were snuffling sounds and bit of movement but no reply. Louis decided fuck it and ventured into the room anyway.

He pulled back Liam’s covers and invited himself in.

“Whaa..?” Liam sleepily woke up, arm instinctively going around Louis. He seemed to just sense that it wasn’t his usual late night cuddler, right away. “Who?” His eyes snapped open.

“How do flags say hi to each other?” Louis whispered into the darkness, glad that Liam hadn’t kicked him out.

“Louis, seriously? What’s going on why are you in my bed?”

“They don’t say hi, they just wave to each other. Isn’t that ridiculous?” Louis chuckled. “Harry told me that one.”

“C’mon Tommo what’s – “

Louis couldn’t help it, he just started crying. Not loud, soul wracking sobs, just enough that his ugly cry-face came out. Lucky for him, it was dark so Liam couldn’t see. He didn’t know why he was crying, he didn’t know why this whole thing made him sad, so he didn’t answer when Liam asked what was wrong. So Liam stopped asking, instead he just held Louis and rocked him.

“Shh, hey, it’s going to be okay. Whatever it is, it’ll be okay.”

And that’s how Louis fell asleep.

-

They didn’t talk about it. Liam just seemed to sense that Louis didn’t want to talk about it. And for that, Louis was grateful. Like, what would he even say? Sorry, it’s just, I cry after every time with Harry because I’m such a girl I can’t handle it. But even that’s a lie because Louis can totally handle it. He can do this.

Things with Harry got slightly awkward after Louis bailed on him but they eventually got back into the groove of things. School kept getting in the way so they barely had time to hang out together, aside from Delta meetings or the occasional down time in the caf. But Harry kept giving him these smiles and Louis knew that he was thinking of the times in their dorm room when the lights were all off and so were their clothes. Louis grinned back at him every single time.

Louis tried out for the play and didn’t make it. He spent the whole weekend off with Niall getting wasted. This time though, he made sure that Niall confiscated his phone so he wouldn’t call anyone and proclaim his love for them or something stupid like that.

Again, he managed to find a guy to chat up. Things got heated fairly quickly due to the level of intoxication of both of them and before he even realized it, Louis and the random guy were in a room all alone. The guy (Brian, Brandon maybe?) got as far as taking off both of their shirts before Louis couldn’t take it. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. Harry was supposed to be the one getting naked with him. That was their thing. He felt like he’d cheated on Harry.

“Tell me something,” Zayn had said to Louis during lunch one day.

“Honey bees have hair on their eyes.” Louis replied.

“Quit your shit talking.” He’d smiled though so Louis knew he wasn’t being legit. “So Liam and I are…you know, dating – “

“Shocker! I most definitely did not see that one coming!” Niall laughed brightly.

“Shut the fuck up. I hate you both.” He sighed lightly. “Anyway, so I want to take things to the next level and I don’t know how to.”

“Wait, I thought you two already had sex?” He specifically recalled Liam telling him about that.

“Oh they have,” Niall confirmed. “I can’t tell you how many times I had to watch Zayn limp into the room and struggle to get up on the top bunk. He’s not used to being on top.”

As a form of retaliation, Zayn picked up Niall’s chicken and licked it. “Take that!”

“Heyyyy,” He whined.

Louis just sat back watching as the roommates fought and bickered lightly at each other. Eventually though, he butt in. “Hold on, what are you taking to the next level if you have already had sex?”

The two immediately went still.

“I want to tell him that I love him.”

A silence settled over the three of them.

“I don’t know mate, have you tried just telling him?”

“No,” Louis interrupted, “You should paint him another painting. But be more obvious this time. I’m telling you, dramatics is the best way to go with this. Liam will love it.”

Niall snorted but Zayn was nodding, seemingly already formulating a plan. You’re welcome, Liam.

-

“Hey Louis?” Harry asked, kissing down Louis’ neck.

“Hm?” He had his eyes blissfully closed as they snogged for the third time that night. Harry had already sucked him off once that morning and it was looking like a he was going for a repeat.

“Come home with me for Spring Break? My mom’s been dying to meet you, especially after you got Gemma to come up for my birthday.” He sucked harshly on the spot that always made Louis’ knees go weak. “Please?”

“Yeah,” Louis agreed breathily. “S-sure.”

Harry smiled at Louis like he’d just told him that he won Master Chef or some shit (Harry was a Culinary Arts major and had admitted on several occasions that he would let Gordon do anything to him. Louis didn’t like that so much). And then he was kissing down Louis’ chest, avoiding Louis’ nipples (he didn’t like them to be played with, okay?) and spending extra time on Louis’ tiny little tummy. He had admitted to Harry that he was insecure about his stomach so of course, Harry had spent nearly ten minutes solid just loving on his stomach and apparently was planning in doing that every time he was near it. The whole thing just made Louis feel weird. But he liked it.

Louis was sure if there were like, blow job contests that Harry would win, hands down. They’d only done it like this three times but Harry was just naturally good at it. He sucked Louis’ cock like he lived for it. The first time, Louis came faster than he ever had before.

“Babe,” Louis croaked when Harry sank down on Louis’ length, lips wrapped around him in a vice grip. One of his hands was tangled into the mop of curls, fingers flexing to keep from pushing Harry down.

Harry moaned around his length, the vibrations making Louis cry out, hips bucking involuntarily.

“FUck sorry,” Louis apologized, smoothing his hand over Harry’s hair. Harry’s throat constricting around Louis was driving Louis mad, he couldn’t take it. It was embarrassing as fuck, but he was already close. Especially so when one of Harry’s hands lightly squeezed at his balls. “More, fuck, please.”

Harry sucked harder, sucking the moans right out of Louis. He was honestly surprised that neither of the guys that lived in the rooms next to theirs had complained about noises. Louis momentarily wondered if it was obvious that it was two guys doing things in their room. There were moments when both of them sounded slightly girly, but could they actually pass for girls?

Harry pulled off to suckle at the head and tongue at his slit and Louis was arching his back, legs spread wide. Fuck, he was going to come soon. So soon, too soon.

“Shit, Harry, too soon.” He hadn’t even meant to say it out loud, but something about receiving a mind blowing blow job shattered his brain to mouth filter.

“God, please, I need it Lou.” Harry’s voice was so fucking wrecked, oh god. “Need to taste you.”

“Hazza, baby,” Louis moaned weakly, feeling his orgasm hit him like a motherfucking freight train.

Harry swallowed everything. If Louis’ cock weren’t so spent, he’d probably be getting hard again just from the sight of Harry swallowing his come. And even more so, when he missed just a bit so it dribbled down his chin. Louis gladly leaned up and licked the rest of himself from Harry’s chin.

“I’m sorry,” Louis whispered once he’d finished Harry off with a hand job.

“Why?” Harry was still mostly in his post orgasmic state of bliss. But he did seem to note that Louis hadn’t run off to the shower yet.

“Because I haven’t you know…given you a blow job.” He admitted, looking away from Harry.

“Hey, it’s fine.” He rubbed at Louis’ bare arm. “You aren’t ready for it. I’ve basically been wanting to suck your cock since the first moment that we saw each other. I couldn’t wait to get down on my knees for you.”

“God Harry you just can’t say things like that.” Louis’ cock twitched weakly in interest.

“I can’t? I’m sorry, I swear I won’t bring it up again – “ He was backtracking, blushing adorably.

“No, no, don’t. When I say that I mean, say things like that all the time.”

“Oh.” Harry waited a beat. “Stay with me tonight?”

Louis decided fuck it. He flopped down next to Harry, unsure of how to do this. Did Harry want to be the little spoon? Would Louis even be able to pull off being that big spoon considering that Harry was considerably bigger than him?

Harry laid practically on top of Louis, tucking his face into Louis’ neck and throwing a leg over Louis’ waist. It was peaceful. Louis wrapped his arms around Harry, holding onto him tightly. The sad feeling he usually felt was still there but it was so slight, he barely even realized it.

“I should have returned the favor though.” He whispered, not even expecting Harry to hear him.

“That’s not how it works, Lou.” Harry yawned into his neck. “You don’t owe me one just cause I gave you one.”

“But I do. You do me, I do you.” Louis tried. It’s not that he didn’t want to do it for Harry. It was just, Harry had pulled it off without a hitch. Come to find out, Harry didn’t have a gag reflex. Louis, however, had a very sensitive gag reflex and he really, really didn’t want to puke in Harry’s lap.

“No, Louis, that’s not what this is about. I want to make you feel good, that’s what makes me feel good.”

“And the same with me. And I’m not doing my job.”

“This isn’t a job. And you do make me feel good, you gave a way better hand job than I do. And don’t fight me on that, I’ve given myself tons of hand jobs.”

“God, I – “ Louis cuts himself off in horror. He was just about to tell Harry that he loved him. Obviously like in a friend way but with the mood in the room, Harry probably would have taken it the wrong way. Fuck, why does he keep doing shit like this? “I guess you’re right. You’re so awesome Harry. I hope you realize how lucky I am to have you. As a roommate.”

“I could say the same to you.”

-

“Mate, you should come by my Uncle’s on Friday. It’ll be the first Spring Break bash, we can get totally smashed.” Niall exclaimed over their last group dinner.

“Um,” Louis cleared his throat. “I’m actually going home with Harry so.”

“Oohhhh,” Zayn sneered as if he knew something that no one else did. “Ow.”

Did Harry just kick him under the table? Serves him right!

“Louiisss,” Niall whined. “You’re the only mate that will drink with me. The rest of these guys are losers.”

“You literally have like a thousand friends.” Louis spoke over the jeers that the other three were throwing at Niall.

“Yeah but you four are my main mates, my life mates. It’s different.” He continued complaining but Louis was distracted by the way that Harry was just grinning down at his Chicken Parmesan. It was his million dollar smile, complete with dimples and all. His favorite. Especially since he had an inkling that it was possibly caused by himself.

Louis threw an arm around Harry’s shoulders because that’s what friends do. The way that Harry leaned into him and Louis’ heart hammering in his chest. For some reason he really, really wanted to hold Harry’s hand. They’d done that a few times, mostly when Harry gave Louis head because Louis needed some kind of intimacy and that felt right. But right there in the dining room on campus, Louis wanted to hold Harry’s hand and hope that that other guy saw and got jealous.

“When do the two of you head out then?” Liam asked, cuddling into Zayn. They’d recently gone public with their relationship. Louis guessed that the painting thing worked like a charm. He was happy for them but every time they got all couple-y in public, it had a weird feeling twisting in Louis’ stomach.

“Louis’ driving us so we can leave whenever. What do you think, Lou?”

“Yeah,” Niall said, making googley eyes at Louis. “What do you think Lou?”

“Piss off.” Louis defended Harry like it was second nature. “We’ll probably leave after Harry’s morning class tomorrow.”

Louis made a mental note to defend Harry more often. As soon as they got back, Harry shoved Louis up against the wall and sucked him off. Louis could barely stand through it; his legs literally gave out when he came down Harry’s throat.

The drive to Cheshire the next morning was actually a lot of fun. He got to make fun of Harry for the hipster music he listens to and then he made it up to Harry by snogging the living daylights out of him. Harry kept rambling on about how much fun they were going to have, he was going to meet Anne, Harry’s mom, and they were going to go by the bakery he worked in during high school and the park by his house that he grew up playing at and everything.

Louis didn’t know why he was so nervous to meet Anne. It was just like when he met Stan’s mom for the first time. But this was different somehow. Granted, he and Stan never fooled around but that didn’t mean anything, it wasn’t supposed to mean anything.

Harry was practically tackled by women the second that he walked through the door.

“You must be Louis,” A gruff type of man said, holding out his hand. This must be Robin.

“Yes sir,” Louis said, shaking Robin’s hand firmly.

“None of that! Call me Robin.” He smiled and Louis could already see why it didn’t take long for Harry to like this guy.

“So, Louis, right?” Anne (well, he assumed) spoke up, disentangling herself from her son.

“Yes ma’am.” Louis was surprised when she pulled him into a hug.

“We’ve heard quite a bit about you.” She shot Harry a smile and Harry was blushing at the tips of his ears.

“I know, we hear more about Louis than Harry. This one never shuts up about you.” Gemma threw an arm around Harry, soaking up his embarrassment.

“Haha,” Louis chuckled awkwardly, not really sure how to respond to that.

“Well come on into the kitchen, I’ve made tacos.” Anne gestured for them all to follow her.

“I’ll take your bags up to Harry’s room.” Robin offered, taking the bags from Louis’ shoulders.

Dinner was a lot less intense than Louis had thought it’d be. Harry’s family was just as laid back as he was, which Louis guessed he should have seen coming. After the questions about his major and his campus life, they mostly just ate quietly. It wasn’t even really awkward, everyone was just busy devouring the delicious tacos that Anne had made.

Louis decided that he loved Harry’s family. They were quick to accept him in as one of their own. And they watched all of the Spiderman movies after dinner which were his favorite (he had a sneaking suspicion that Harry put them up to it though). By ten, Robin and Anne had retired to their room and Gemma had fallen asleep on the couch.

“Wanna head up?” Harry asked, head still leaning sleepily on Louis’ shoulder.

“Sure.”

Harry covered Gemma up and then led Louis up to his room.

“Do you want to um, share the bed?” Harry awkwardly asked as the two of them shimmied into their pajamas.

“Yeah,” He didn’t even realize he’d already agreed to it.

“I’m not tired.” Harry admitted once the two of them were situated on his bed.

“Me either.” Louis hesitated. “I could…suck you off.”

“Louis you don’t have to – “

“I want to. I want to try. I may not be as good as you are but I want to try it.” It was true. He’d been mulling it over and he may as well try. Worst case scenario is that he pukes on Harry and they never talk again. Which would be horrible but at least he’s prepared for it.

“Are you sure babe?” It was the first time that they’d used the pet name when they weren’t in the throes of sexual relations. Louis liked it.

“Mhm.”

Louis straddled Harry’s legs, kissing him fiercely. He didn’t even bother with taking off Harry’s clothes, he just pulled down his pajama pants enough that Harry’s mostly soft cock was revealed. He was nervous. He really wanted to do a good job for Harry, to take care of him like Harry had done for him.

He hesitantly pressed a kiss to Harry’s shaft, already loving the way that Harry was getting worked up. He was already thickening up pretty impressively. Although it only reminded him of how big Harry really was. Eight inches, would that really fit in Louis’ mouth? He’d sure as hell try to make it fit.

He opened his mouth, tucking his teeth behind his lips and took Harry’s head into his mouth. He was already producing precome so Louis busied himself with licking that up. Okay, maybe this wouldn’t be so bad.

“Shit.” Harry quietly cursed, hand flying to Louis’ hair.

Louis felt encouraged and slid his mouth down, taking Harry farther into his mouth. The second that he touched the back of his throat, Louis started gagging and choking. He didn’t pull off though. He’d been reading up on it and most people had that if you just swallow around it, you’ll eventually get used to it. So he swallowed and went down further. But the second that Harry actually slipped down his throat, Louis’ stomach jerked violently and Louis pulled completely off, coughing and spitting everywhere, it was too much.

“Louis, are you okay? Louis? Hey, come on, it’s okay,”

Louis was mortified. He couldn’t even talk for fear of the revisit of the lovely tacos that Anne had made. He just shook his head, pushing Harry away when he tried to embrace him.

Eventually it went quiet. Louis laid down on his side, facing away from Harry, still unable to look at him. Harry was still lying on his back, cock back under cover of his sleep pants.

“I’m sorry.” Harry apologized.

“Why?” Louis croaked, not thinking of any way this could possibly be Harry’s fault.

“I shouldn’t have pressured you. I should have known you didn’t want to – “

“That’s just it though,” Tears were starting to fall from his eyes; unfortunately, he was fucking crying in Harry’s childhood bed instead of giving him an amazing blowjob. “I did want to. And I f-failed…I’m so embarrassed.”

“Lou,” Great, now Harry sounded like he was close to tears. This time when Harry’s arms wrapped around him, he didn’t fight it. “Don’t be embarrassed. It’s okay – “

“No it’s not. How can I be a gay man if I can’t suck cock?”

“Louis I hate to say this, but your view on this is really warped. Just because you’re gay doesn’t mean you have to like giving blow jobs. There are plenty of people out there who don’t like it.”

“I never said I was gay.”

“Well,” Harry sighed. “My point still stands. And hey, no one is perfect their first time.”

“You were.”

“Louis,” Harry was trying to be stern but Louis could hear the smile in his voice. “What I’m saying is that it doesn’t have to be one and done. We can try again.”

“I’m honestly not up for it right now, my stomach feels queasy.”

“I didn’t mean right now. But…if you want I can make you feel better.” Harry’s sexy voice was really hard to resist.

“I’m sorry Harry, I’m just not in the mood anymore.”

“Okay, well I’ll just hold you then.”

“I’ll hold you to that.”

“That was horrible.” Maybe, but it made Harry laugh.

-

The next night, they tried again. And Louis wanted it so badly; he went even harder than the night before. This time, he actually had to run to the bathroom. As he cried, for the second time in front of Harry, Harry just held him. It was lovely. Nothing had ever felt more right.

“You know,” Harry said, nervous edge to his voice. “We could always try … the other form of oral sex.”

“What do you mean?” Louis’ tired and emotional brain wasn’t making the connection.

“Like, you know. I mean you don’t have to. Some people think it’s gross. But if you wanted to, I’d be up for it. Either way it goes.”

“Harry, I’m confused.”

“Like we could…eat each other out. I mean I’d be up for giving or receiving, whatever you’re comfortable with. If you are. Or if you’re not, we can just pretend that I never said anything.”

“You’d really want to do that with me?” Louis asked incredulously. He had no idea people actually did that, he thought it was just a porn thing.

“If you want to…do you think I’m gross?” Louis really admired the way that Harry could just let himself be vulnerable like that.

“No, god, I would love to try that with you.” Fuck it, Harry was being vulnerable, he would too. “Either way for me too.”

“I can’ wait.” Harry held him tighter.

Louis really could get used to this.

The next day, Louis and Harry had gotten back from the park to find that the house was completely empty. Anne had gone to the store, Robin was at work, and Gemma was out with friends.

As soon as they realized this, all they had to do was look at each other and then they were on the same page. Harry pulled Louis up the stairs, excitement in the air. Their clothes were getting taken off in a rush, no preamble to what they were about to do. Louis was zinging with excitement.

And then they were both naked on Harry’s bed, snogging heavily.

“How,” Harry said between kisses. “How do you want to do this?”

“I,” Louis hesitated. “Would it be okay if you…if you do me? I’ll get you back for it, I promise.”

“Of course.” Harry moved on top of Louis, gently spreading his legs so he could fit himself between them.

It all seemed a bit rushed but it felt so perfect, so right that Louis didn’t try to slow it down. Harry kissed down his chest, much like he had the times when he’d sucked Louis off. Only this time he avoided where Louis had gotten mostly hard. He kissed lightly at his balls and then he was going a bit lower.

“Can you spread your legs a bit more for me, baby?” Harry sounded so fucking sexy, Louis could melt.

He felt so vulnerable but he kind of liked it. He liked opening himself up for Harry to see, in more ways than one.

Louis spread his legs, holding his breath as Harry watched him.

“Beautiful,” Just one word. Just one word and Louis was gone. He felt like his heart would burst. Was this how most friends with benefits arrangements went? Louis didn’t really think that term described them anymore. They were very best friends with sexy times. Or something.

The first touch is like velvet. It’s just a small kiss to his entrance, but it takes Louis’ breath away. The first lick is small, tentative, but it felt so good.

“Is this okay?”

“Yes, very okay.” Louis’ pitch had already raised and he just knew that things were about to get really loud.

Harry seemed to take Louis’ words as encouragement because he leaned back in and then things got serious. Louis felt him lick at his hole again, before swirling his tongue around.

“Oh g-god, I like this. Harry, I like this a lot.”

It felt like Harry was making out with him down there, it was glorious. He couldn’t help the pitiful whines and moans that escaped. His thighs were already trembling.

“Hold on, hold on,”

“What, is everything okay?” Harry immediately became concerned.

“Yeah, I just need a second to calm down. You literally just started and I’m about to come.” He admitted with blushing cheeks.

“Or I could see if I could get you to come within the next two minutes.” The challenge that passed through Harry’s eyes was unmistakable.

“O-okay.”

Louis got a hand on himself and spread his legs as wide as they would go, thinking he quite liked the visual of Harry between his spread legs, between his spread arse cheeks.

Harry absolutely went to town. Louis wasn’t even sure what he was doing with his tongue, all he knew was that it felt so fucking good, his toes were curling. He was wanking as fast as his arm would allow. And sure enough, he felt the familiar tug in his stomach.

“Harry, I think it’s time, I’m this is the fastest, Harry I can’t, I don’t know,” Louis was babbling, mouth running quicker than the speed of his heart. Louis started grinding his hips back onto Harry’s tongue, moaning delicately and brokenly.

“Boys are you in – oh dear god, I’m sorry, I’ll just go back – yeah.” Anne had walked in them. And just as Louis was about to come.