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Please Look Back

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They tell me that these eyes are special. These eyes are my gift, and no one else has anything like them. They torment me: these eyes and the constant praise they receive. My blessing is my curse.

I see everything, all at once. My mind is probed by countless people, shouting at and mocking each other. I see them all. Some days I'm so overwhelmed that I can't feel my body anymore. I'm vaguely aware of the people tending to my physical needs, of my body slowly sinking down into the bed but never quite disappearing. Sometimes it's better to hide in my mind, but I wish it were my own choice.

Rhyme has not been entirely terrible; after all, it's where I first saw you. You were shouting and mocking too, but it was okay. I was so happy to see you, finally. I knew it was you because I recognized your voice. Your sweet, beautiful voice.

I've always heard you somehow, even though you were never there. When you were happy, I was overjoyed. When you were sad, I was devastated. When you were angry, I was fearful. It didn't matter entirely what the context was, I was glad to know that you were still alive. Your voice always comforted me. As long as I could hear you, I knew that things would be fine.

When you were in Rhyme, I was always happy. Even when you were cruel, even when you destroyed innocents without any care: it didn't matter. Just seeing you, being so close, knowing that you were in my mind: that was enough. I wanted to call out to you, but my voice was never there. My voice hardly works in my body, but I always had more control over my mind anyway. That ten-armed demon always censored me. It was ironic in a way that she was made in my image, and yet she was merely another means of controlling me.

I miss you. I want very much to see you face to face. I want your eyes to look at mine, your ears to hear my voice. I know that each day I grow weaker from the things that they do to me, and I'm afraid that I will miss my opportunity. I've been calling to you in the only way that I know how, and my heart aches every time I hear your confusion. I need you to understand. I need us to be together again.

I just need my brother.