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Along Came A Crack Fic

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“Babe...why is your chest moving?”

Tim blushed a bit and covered the wiggling lump with one hand. “Errr.”

Jason blinked, then sighed. “Damnit, Tim. Please say you didn’t pull a Damian.”

“I’m just giving him a place to stay until I can find his home.” Tim murmured as he lowered his head.

“At least tell me you made sure whatever is hiding under there didn’t have mange or ticks or something.” Jason pleaded.

“I don’t think that’s a worry,” Tim said.

“Okay, good. So what have you got under th--HOLY SHIT!!”

“Oh come on. He’s not THAT scary.” Tim said as he opened his jacket a bit further to reveal the horror within.

Jason barely heard him, he was too busy putting the couch between himself and the THING Tim was holding in his hands. “Are you mental?!”

The giant basketball-sized abomination of fluff and eyes Tim was holding lifted one of his fuzzy little front legs and waved before chirping. “Hi-yee!”

Jason screamed.

He screamed so loud he woke himself up and sat bolt upright in bed. Tim sprang upright as well and was on his feet and ready to defend house and husband before he even finished waking up.

Jason put a hand to his heart and willed it to calm down as Tim looked around for a threat that wasn’t there before he slowly stood down.

“Nightmare?” Tim asked as he sat down on the edge of the bed and covered Jason’s hand with his own.

Jason nodded, but didn’t elaborate. He did NOT want to admit what it had been about. Thankfully, Tim seemed to understand that and just gave Jason’s hand a squeeze before he climbed back into bed and pulled the larger man against him.

Jason slowly let himself relax, but he couldn’t help but stare across the bed to a large plastic terrarium sitting on Tim’s nightstand. How was it that one of the least threatening things to ever come out of a multiverse portal was the thing to give him night terrors? The tiny jumping spider inside the tank was no bigger than Jason’s thumbs. In other words nowhere near big enough or venomous enough to register as a threat. Said spider blinked all four of his big bug eyes at the scrutiny and wiggled before waving.

Jason shivered again and forced his eyes closed. Maybe if he asked really, REALLY nicely he could convince Bruce it was worth the effort to send the arachnid back. At least...he sure hoped so.