Subject; I'm Sorry.
July 24 [view details]
I know the succinct way I've been emailing you has been failing. I don't know what in my head told me that through my grievance I could just lash out at you and expect you to oblige, dear, you barely even listen to me when I'm at my calmest. It was just my primarial way of thinking, really. Whatever you're doing is breaking my mentality to the point where I can't even think straight. Ive been trying to backpedal to the stable version of myself, maybe that way you won't skim over an email packed with curses and angry accusations and just hit delete.
I want to label you as selfish. I really, really do. But I think this experience is opening a part of myself that was clear to everyone else, but foggy to me.
I'm sorry, Maxwell.
I haven't been handling this situation properly. I haven't been handling /you/ properly. Even before all of this, I wasn't treating you as someone I wholeheartedly respected. I need to reevaluate my predispositions, and hopefully this oath is enough to coax you to respond.
Nonetheless, that's an issue. Especially when you're the only one in this cruel, overrated existence who I actually believe has an ounce of dignity worthy of respect. ...Besides Nikki. But I think she knows that this is all my fault. The way she looks at me when I pass her… it's a cold stare. Her eyes looked so plugged with energy, and vibrant; well, they were the last time you saw her. Now they're just dull. She stares at me as if I'm a contagious plague she's eyeing under a microscope. Did you tell her something before you went??
Maybe if you just spoke to me, we could've sorted this out.
I just want closure.
I want you home.
I don't want to jump to the most dreadful conclusions imagineable, but I'm starting to. You're scaring the shit out of me. You know, the first seventy two hours in a persons disappearance is the most crucial time period? Law enforcement wasn't even alerted of your disappearance until David got fed up of waiting for your parents to call in and called them himself. That was five days after you were already gone.
I know you never check your email. This is most likely a lost cause, I doubt you're even reading these. You used to, in seventh grade when I hooked up a automatic bot programmed to email you dog pictures every other day just because it made you happy. That was my childish, nerdy way of flirting.
Then something corrupted the code, sometime a few years later. The stupid dog emails stopped. But you never brought it up to me, so I never fixed it.
You… don't check your email anymore, do you?
I don't really care. I don't have any other ways to contact you.
So I'll proceed.
Love and regards,
Subject; siri, send this to max!!
July 24 [view details]
Hey, you still have this email? If you do, shoot me a message. This is a total mindfuck that I want to evoke from. How dumb do you have to be to leave your phone in your room and then disappear? You must be pretty bored without it. Or maybe that was smart of you, considering you most-likely don't want to be found. You have no idea how many drafts I have compiled in my notes, describing what I was going to say, bullet point by bullet point. Every angry curse I was going to use against you as soon as I found some way to contact you. I never really thought it would be via email, because, really? I haven't used this shit in ages. I get you don't have a phone, but I would've much preferred messaging you on something where I didn't have to squint and attempt to get past the thought that I'm writing to you on a software first programmed in the 1970's.
Anyway, regarding the notes; I'm not using those anymore. At first, I was livid towards you. Because honestly, Maxie, how could you just abandon Neil and I like that? Like we're gum stuck to the back of your shoe? You can't just wipe us off and leave us in the dust, we've known each other since we were ten years old. We know you.
But then I realized you must've had a reason. And I might've climbed up to your window when your 'mom's' janky minivan was out of the driveway to do some investigating. I might not be the prestigious, state of the art personal investigator David hired, but I'm definitely better than that old timer. That sack of bones had no idea where you kept your secret stashes, but I sure did! I'm the only one who did.
I never really expected you to be the type to just dip and leave breadcrumb hints like you were straight out of Hansel and grettle, but it's cool that you did. It kinda gives me hope, y'know?
I might not have discovered the very reason you departed, but at least I found something that can help me find you; or at least, find another way to contact you. (I found your email by skimming through my 5th grade diary. You even drew a little teddy bear next to it so I wouldn't get your email confused with Neil's, as if I'd think you were the one who drew a meticulous beaker next to a username with 'science' in the name. Thanks for that!)
I have my speculations on why you decided to skip town. Ive been trying not to confront Neil about any of them, because I don't want to point fingers. It's just a gut feeling, it isn't factual. But if Neil was the reasoning and my guts correct, then I'm doing the right thing keeping my distance from him.
Anyways, please please respond when you get this!! I hope you still have this email. I miss you Maxie.
I took a granola bar while I was scavenging through your room. It was stale. Also David says he misses you.
Subject; Could we discuss this?
July 24 [view details]
I write to you in embaressment and cowardice on so many fronts for this delayed message. I've been trying to call and message you for a week now, but it always goes to voicemail. I really need a friend right now. I don't know what Max told you before he left to get you to completely shut our friendship down and tuck in under a bed like yesterday's news, but we've been friends for six years and I don't want that to change, especially in a time like this. We're going through the same difficulties here, I don't want us to be trudging through them alone. You have every right to be enraged with me, but do you think you could pause that anger and do me a solid? We were practically Max's family and now he's gone and we're both isolated from reality.
We'll never find him if we cut ties and never talk to each other again. We always worked as a trio, but we suffice as a duo too. It's better than trying to resolve this mystery alone.
If you don't respond virtually, I'll have to start pestering you at school. Please don't be incompetent. Let's talk about this. I won't lecture you or do any of that condescending shit you and max always burdened me about. Just… a talk.
If not to repair our friendship, then for max. I'm beginning to lose hope here, and I'm terrified for his well-being and status. He could be dead and all we're doing is lollygagging while investigators come up with blanks. If we don't do something soon, we could lose any chance we currently have of seeing max again, or David's sanity. Whichever drops to zero first.
I hope you contemplate about this. Weigh the pros and cons.
Thank you Nikki.
July 26 [view details]
Oh, so you did have something to do with his disappearance. Fan-fucking-tastic, Neil. I hope you're proud of yourself. Fancy words and feigned sincerity won't make me become the conductor on the forgiveness land train, no sir. I've been scowering every square inch of his room, locker, his favorite hangouts, his mutuals, just for a speck of hope to silence the quench I have to find out where in the fuck max relocated himself too, and you've been the key all along. I'm kinda pissed I didn't see this coming.
He spent that last night with you, then was gone by morning.
When will you understand his impulsive tendencies?? He's so goddamn impulsive, he's like a three year old. You can't just let him go. I'm not the maturest person to ever walk the earth, but even I know when something's up with max. I know when to stop being a pussy, buckle down, and stop him from making stupid decisions that not even /I/ would make. Shit must've been up with him if it was enough to drive him away from town without a trace left behind.
But for what it's worth, I do have something in relation to him vanishing. A clue of some sorts. We both have what eachother want, and… I don't want our friendship to break over this either. Max probably wouldn't want the two of us to split up, especially when he really needs us. I'll tell you what I know if you tell me what you know. We can work together on this. We can find him.
Subject; come home.
July 26 [view details]
I think you took a part of myself with me when you packed your bags and left town without even saying goodbye. It kind of hurt. Emotionally, I'm a wreck. Gwen has been telling me to stay positive, to rely on the optimism that Camp Campbell gave me when I was just a camper, but it just isn't the same.
My life goal has remained the same through thick and thin.
Well, not really. It fluctuated after time, but revolved around a distinct premis. At first, I wanted to introduce you to the beauty of the outdoors. The wilderness that I grew up around, I thought that if I showed you what made me happy, it would do to you the same as it did to me.
But then… the idea of you finding tranquility in a tent outside became more and more subliminal. I started realizing that you needed more than the appreciation for something. You needed someone to appreciate you.
I grew up without a father. I idolized Cameron Campbell and wanted him to treat me as if I was his own son, just to fill that gaping role that my own parental figure never could. That's why I was so shattered when he was caught trying to frame me and send me off across the waves to live behind jail bars in his position. But, I could deal with that, because Im an adult.
You grew up without parents in general. Sure, they weren't absent, but they weren't ideal either. You don't even have to tell me how they treated you for me to believe that they weren't good people. I can't even imagine how difficult your childhood must have been, and I'm so sorry that I was so oblivious to it when you were smaller.
Im sorry for never stepping in and doing anything.
I can't help but debate if you leaving us all behind was my fault. I wanted so badly to be the father you could idolize just as I idolized Cameron Campbell, but instead, I wouldn't turn out to be a fraudulent money launderer with no morals.
That's why I never turned you down whenever youd come to Gwen and I's apartment. No matter what, I'd always cancel whatever was going on so you could have two adults to depend on.
Was I not a good enough parental figure to you? What could I have done better? Could I have prevented this?
I have so many questions, none with any context. My brain just keeps reaching into a randomly sorted hat to pick up more and more observations by chance.
I should've tried getting you in Gwen and I's legal custody. But I didn't want you to freak out if I just one day questioned bringing legal action upon your guardians. I know you don't like law enforcement, even if it isn't for the right reasons. (They had every right to arrest you, graffiti is vandilisation, especially on school property!) But I digress. I didn't want you to be uncomfortable if I involved someone against your wishes.
Max, please. Get into contact with me.
Gwen and I miss you.
We all miss you.