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Providing Light

Summary:

Will Graham and Cal Roberts are identical twins. Identical twins raised in the Meyerist movement after being abandoned by their father. Devout and inspirational followers that rose up the rungs of The Ladder, they seem perfect in every sense, and lead the movement and it's followers with pride. But Will is having some doubts and anxieties about the future of the movement because of secrets he and his brother keep. He seeks help from the outside, without his brother knowing. He meets Dr. Hannibal Lecter. A psychiatrist he believes will help him find his way when the light seems so dim.

Notes:

***THERE ARE SPOILERS FOR THE PATH S1 THROUGH 3
There are spoilers for The Path. This story is technically placed before the series starts and some events are shifted around to make this story work. Cal is back from the west coast, Steve has been sick in Peru a lot longer, this is before/during Eddie's trip to Peru so that plotline doesn't mingle with this one.
**Nothing will be directly written about the abuse discussed in this story but heavy subjects are covered throughout this. Be wary if you're distressed by the tagged themes and topics.**

Edit 01/08/21: I deleted all 9 old chapters and I'm now posting the reworked version. I did end up rewatching parts of The Path for clarification's sake but also I had ideas that couldn't manifest well in the old version. I'm sorry I did that, I really just didn't like how I wrote it before.

Chapter Text

 

 

 

"One man's cult is another man's religion" 

 


 

 

“Will Graham?” Hannibal asked, standing in the doorway to his waiting room. A young man stood. He was somewhere in his late 30s, lean, pale, dark curly hair, and glasses gently perched on his nose. He had a jacket on. Despite it not being that cold out. He had it partially buttoned up, but Hannibal could still see part of the eye emblem on his shirt. He was curious to see if he’d display his faith in any way or hide it. Similar to Christians or Catholics wearing crosses to display their faith.

They had spoken at lengths over email. They were finally able to arrange this appointment. At a time, best fitting both busy schedules. Will looked tense. He glanced over to the other door briefly, nervously, before walking to Hannibal.

“Hello, Doctor Lecter. It’s nice to finally meet you,” Will smiled, but it was tense. Like the muscles weren’t used to the action and were stiff from the lack of use. Hannibal smiled warmly.

“Yes, likewise, it’s a pleasure to finally meet you. Please, come in.” He stepped aside. There was a moment of hesitation, but Will walked in and Hannibal’s gaze followed.

He shut the door and walked back to his own chair. He sat down and relaxed against the back. There was a slight tremble to Will’s hands and a clear attempt to hide it with fidgeting. He was looking around the room before he realized Hannibal had sat down. He moved to the chair across from him and sat as well. He sat forward, hands still fidgeting a bit placed in his lap. Hannibal came to notice he was avoiding his eyes.

“So where are we supposed to begin?” Will asked, “I’ve done plenty of research. I’ve taken psychology courses, but I’ve never been through therapy.”

“I thought you said you were raised on the compound. That you went through their education.”

“I’m not confined to the compound. I was able to leave and do what I wanted,” Will bristled. Hannibal crossed one leg over the other and neatly folded his hands together that was placed in his lap.

“I apologize. I didn’t mean to imply anything of that nature. From what I gathered you chose to stay isolated and that they provided education for you. That, for the most part, you don’t believe in psychology and outside education.”

Will sighed softly. Hannibal pondered the idea of him getting frustrated enough to just walk out. He could easily push buttons until Will did so. The sore spots and walls built around him were obvious. But where would the fun be if he chased him out now?

“Would you like to discuss your religion? We could start there. I did some research, but online sources would, of course, wouldn’t be as faithful as someone actively a part of it.”

Will’s brow furrowed and he leaned back in the chair. He looked toward the window then back to the floor in front of Hannibal.

“We’re not exactly a religion. We’re a movement.”

“I apologize. I’ll keep that in mind.”

“It’s okay, I know it’s confusing.” Will shook his head, “We’re mistaken as a religion a lot, but we’re not considered one and we don’t call ourselves one. Steve always made sure we didn’t call ourselves one.”

Hannibal slowly nodded, “Not fond of eye contact?”

“Eyes are distracting.”

“You’re also quite nervous.”

“I’m not entirely sure where to start. I’m still not sure why I’m here,” Will bypassed his observations smoothly. Which encouraged a small smile to grow on Hannibal’s lips.

“You told me, in our emails, you felt you needed to talk to someone outside of your movement. Other psychiatrists thought you felt stuck, but you just seek counsel.”

“They think we’re a cult. They kept calling Meyerism a cult. We’re not,” he stopped and sharply inhaled. He met Hannibal’s eyes for just a moment, and he caught sight of the stormy blue orbs. Weighted with emotions but still soft. Damaged goods but he wasn’t ruined.

“I have faith in the light. I believe in what we are doing. But I’m worried for Cal... my brother, he is under a lot of stress now that he’s been put in charge.”

“And you cannot talk to him or others about it because they turn you away to focus on faith. They won’t discuss it.”

“Sort of... part of the whole movement is honesty. We call it unburdening, it keeps pain and darkness from building up in us. That darkness that can lead us down paths that will forever keep us from the Light. Cal and I… because of our positions, have the knowledge we are unable to unburden around others.”

“It’s understandable then why you’d seek someone who won’t worry about what you seek to unburden. Someone not close to the movement so I won’t have an adverse reaction to whatever it is that is weighing on you and your brother.”

“Yes...”

Their discussion was a timid one. It allowed Hannibal to find the boundaries he could test and press later. Will was so fascinating. Hannibal could almost say astounding. A shame he was caught up in this ‘movement’ instead of in some other field of work Hannibal thought he’d fit much better. Especially law enforcement or psychology. He was so empathetic, genuinely cared for others, and he was desperate to help anyone in need.

On the other hand, that empathy was a doubled-edged sword. Something so dark and gruesome may mar his psyche beyond recognition.

Hannibal walked him to the door and before Will left, he spoke.

“Thank you. I didn’t think I was going to find anyone. Especially an ignorant who would,” he stopped, “I’m sorry. I didn’t think an outsider would be able to listen to me without criticizing me.”

Hannibal simply smiled. He’d met a few Meyerists before. Never met one who would apologize for using the label their movement deemed him to fit.

“It’s my job to listen and help you, not to control your beliefs. Unless you are a danger to others or yourself, I have no right to try to change you. Just help you understand yourself and your views.”

Will gave a halfhearted smile and nodded a goodbye. He left without a tremble in his hands.

 

 

Life at the compound was a busy little life. Will was up early with all the others. He was ready for their regular morning gathering to be led by Cal. He sat toward the front. Idle chatter filtered in the chapel while they waited. Will smiled and talked with his fellow Meyerists. Most conversations did stay around Meyerism. Rungs, trials, tests, charity work, new members, and similar topics. There wasn’t much else to talk about when something like that ran every part of your life and surrounded you daily. Not all of them lived on the compound but a portion did stay solely there, like Will. He knew some of them for most of his life. He wasn’t the only one raised in Meyerism. If he wasn’t raised with them, he likely knew them from helping them climb the rungs. He was a mentor to many lower rungs and led them in gatherings or workshops. They were all pretty much family. He was comfortable enough to converse and smile.

 

They hushed up when Cal came in. He smiled and greeted them. Happy murmurs and declarations of ‘good morning’ and ‘hello’ reverberated back to him. He smiled big. He was good at big friendly smiles. Turn the charm on and keep everyone’s attention.

 

“I’m glad to see you all here this morning. It is such an honor to be here and to lead you today in our journey to climb the ladder.” He said, “I think you will all be glad to hear I’ve been in contact with Steve. He sends you all good wishes and hopes you can forgive him for being away for so long. But he is hard at work translating the last three rungs for us. So, we can ascend with him and we can all be together in The Garden.”

 

Cheers and applause rippled in the group. Will smiled and clapped with him. His brother didn’t meet his eye as he said any of it. They both knew exactly where Doctor Meyer was.

 

“If we could spend just a moment to send him our good wishes and prayers. May he work swiftly so he can return the good word to us.” He continued. In unison, the group lowered their heads and closed their eyes. Cal and a few of the others raised their hands open and facing out. Will kept his hands in his lap and closed his eyes. He prayed silently with them. Maybe Steve could come back soon. Maybe he could actually deliver those last rungs to them. Will didn’t believe it would happen.

 

“Thank you,” Cal queued everyone to open their eyes and lower their hands.

 

“Honesty and Gratitude are important pillars of our movement. We express daily what we are grateful for. Honesty is a daily piece of our lives and holds our community together. It is what makes us a family.”

 

Will smiled with many others. Yet it did feel a bit pointed that the day’s topic was honesty.

 

“The outside world isn’t so fortunate. They are taught that it’s every man for himself. They are liars and thieves. The systemite's greed is just part of their downfall and something else we have learned to overcome. Our egos and petty grievances of the world around us weigh us down and lead us to find harmful ways to release the pain of the systemite world that builds in us. But Steve was able to show us and teach us that honesty through unburdening and practicing gratitude could pull us from that pain.”

 

The group again cheered and murmured praises. Will nodded along with his brother. These words were things he had heard before. From Cal, from Steve, and himself. Repeated doctrines and words of encouragement or inspiration.

 

“Yet we may champion these values we hold we cannot be so proud that we are cruel to outsiders. We may be wary and not let them try to change our path, but we can show them how wonderful it is to be a part of our movement. We can show them just how wonderful the Light is. We strive to be beacons of hope, opportunity, and safety for the less fortunate and unenlightened of humankind. Let us stay strong for the weak. Let us be a beacon for the undirected. In times of struggle, we are one. In times of strife, we are strong. In a time of change we remain. If darkness falls, we are light.”

 

The last part echoed back to him, “If darkness falls, we are light.”

 

Cal smiled and repeated, “If darkness falls, we are light.”

 

Again, “If darkness falls, we are light.”

 

Will repeated with them until Cal moved along. He watched his brother with a smile. They were doing good work, being true to their purpose. Will’s worry was gnawing at his faith when he was alone or going over plans for the future with Cal. But in times like these, when everything was going well, how could he doubt himself and his faith? The bond they had is what made him feel needed, safe, and loved. At that moment Doctor Lecter was just a safe person to unburden too. Maybe, with time, Will could even show him the path to enlightenment. Something had clicked right away, he could see him there, a close friend and trusted person to unburden with. It would just help immensely if he were part of the Meyerist movement.

 

The more he thought about his psychiatrist the more that gnawing feeling built up. Cal knew nothing but just after Will started sneaking around Cal lead one of their gatherings on honesty and gratitude. Aren’t you grateful for the family you have? Why would you be so dishonest? Systemites lie. Systemites hide things and hurt those they claim they love. Are you like them?

 

He had to close his eyes and clear his head. His anxiety certainly got the best of him for a moment. He let those, admittedly, irrational thoughts. They felt irrational. There was no need to jump to such conclusions when he wasn’t really doing anything wrong. He could talk to Hannibal and tell Cal. There was no rule to avoid outsiders and never speak with them. How else would they get new members?

 

He was allowed to talk to Hannibal. Part of him just knew Cal would be angry anyway.

 

He opened his eyes when Cal finished talking and everyone started to depart from the Chapel. He got up and waited for most everyone to depart before he strolled to the side where his brother spoke with someone. He waited until Cal noticed and he wrapped up his conversation. He smiled at Will and Will returned it with less keenness.  

 

“Everything alright?” Cal asked.

 

“Just tired is all. Nothing new. How are you holding up after our call this morning?” Will murmured. He was met with hesitance until the last few people left the chapel. The smile dropped from his face.

 

“I would have preferred better news.”

 

“An ironic topic to discuss today, of all days.”

 

Cal’s eyes narrowed a bit, “We were asked by Steve to keep this quiet. No, it’s not good. But as upper rungs, as people Steve trusts to run the movement until his return, we must honor what he asks even if it’s not what we would like to do.”

 

Will folded his arms and sighed, “I’m sorry. I just found the topic uncomfortable when we have so much to lie about.”

 

“I would like to be honest too. But this is Steve we’re talking about.”

 

“Will you be going down to visit him again soon?”

 

“Not very soon. But I plan to visit again of course…” he paused, “Are you asking to come?”

 

“No,” Will shook his head, “I wasn’t sure if you wanted to go down within the next few weeks or not. Just so I am a least a little prepared to take over gatherings while you’re gone.”

 

“You do just fine with them, Will. No need to be so anxious,” he smiled.

 

“Anyways,” Will smiled back, “It was a good talk today. Like always. Everyone seemed moved and touched.”

 

“If they’re not I’m obviously not doing it right.” He laughed a little. The brothers went ahead and made their way out after the others.

 

They went their separate ways for the day. Cal had some business matters to work out and Will was to spend time on the compound. He had a few workshops with lower rungs. He preferred workshops over administration duty. Workshops were similar routines over and over. People may ask different questions or ask for personal guidance, but he enjoyed teaching and guiding them.

 

He passed through administration to get the EM Machines he needed and to meet up with his group. Another small one of just four people. It was much simpler with less of them. Fewer faces to read. Easier to guide. Nicole, a longtime member, and close friend was chatting with them and handed over a shirt to one.

 

She smiled at Will when he walked over to them, “Good morning, Will.”

 

“Good morning,” Will responded, half-smiling back.

 

“This is your group today, right? They are all ready to go. Fees paid.” she asked. He nodded.

 

“Thank you, Nicole.” He gestured for the group to follow him out. The Meyerist compound was quite large with plenty of open space to distance from the bustle of others and allow for the peace they needed for their workshop.

 

“My name is Will, as you heard,” he introduced himself as they walked, “I’ve met one of you before. Nice to meet you all. Yes, before you ask, Cal is my twin brother. We were both raised with the Movement. I am on the ninth rung of the ladder. I’m very excited to have you here today.”

 

He took them to a nice patch of grass under the shade of a hefty oak. They sat in a semi-circle, facing Will. He put the basket of EM machines in the middle of them. One of the three young ladies of this little group did not look thrilled at the sight of the machines. He noticed the unease in her eyes.

 

“These are our EM machines. You may have seen them before. We use them quite often. In and out of workshops. It’s electro stimulation. It’s good for the mind and your immune system.” His smile was gentle and warm. That unease didn’t waver right away. He didn’t read the same apprehension in the others, but he figured showing them may help any kind of nerves they may feel. He pulled one out and unwrapped its wires. They followed suit.

 

He showed them how to set it up and placed the electrodes on the top of his head, forehead, just below his neck, and on their stomach. He made sure the others placed theirs properly. “Before the Light of Truth was revealed to Steve everyone was doomed to suffer the burden that comes with systemite lives. To bear the burdens and pain of their dark world. But with the Light’s guidance, we can save ourselves and cleanse ourselves.” He turned on the machine, it made a soft humming sound and the first lights across the top and on the diagram of the person on the over lit up. He nodded for them to do the same.

 

“We must find part of who we were before the damage of that life came. We must find it and bring it forth. The light will see your pain, your damage, and it will help heal you.” He continued, “Let yourself know… ‘today I choose to live in the light’.”

 

“Today I choose to live in the light,” they repeated. Even the nervous girl. She still looked a bit rattled.

 

“Take time to find this piece of yourself. Take time to allow your spirit to heal. Today you have chosen to live in the light and the light will help you. We live in Truth and Light and our honesty, devotion, and love for our community bring us happiness. It brings us peace. It wipes away transgressions of our pasts. We are no longer the damaged ones.”

 

He watched them closely once they closed their eyes to really enforce the practice. Will could tell the three were finding their way. They looked content and already finding the peace Will spoke of. He could also see the one young woman may need some reassurance. Not everyone was quite ready to jump headfirst. That was alright. He was similar and personal coaching helped him in the earlier days. Now he was 9R and helping new people. Everyone had a chance.