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That's what you get (when you let your heart win)

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Title: That's what you get (when you let your heart win)
Pairing: William/Gabe, Mikey/Gerard, Mikey/Spencer/William, Gerard/William
Rating: R
Summary: William is quitting having sex with Gabe for his own sanity, Spencer finds himself in the middle of an unusual breakfast-club, Mikey is hiding secrets from his friends and Gerard is seducing everyone. This is a story about trying to let go of something that doesn't work and opening up to something new, no matter how unusual it looks.
“I will miss your coffee finding senses, Spencer Smith. They are way better than Spider-senses, way better.”
“Only to a coffee-addict like you, Michael Way,” Spencer answers. Mikey likes when Spencer uses his full name. It's not something he thought he’d miss, and he doesn't, really, but it's nice how Spencer says it, it's different, like this isn't part of him and Gerard, like this is something only he has. Which is so stupid, it's not like Gerard is ever taking anything away from Mikey. They are sharing everything and more than normal siblings do. They’re crossing lines that aren't even there in the first place.
William puts his half eaten muffin down and sighs. “I'm breaking up with Gabe today.” He doesn't say it as much as he declares it.
“You know you aren't really together, right?” Spencer answers, but he doesn't sound like a bitch about it.
“I know, I just meant that I'm not going to have sex with him in the future. I'm going to detox.”
“From Gabe?” Mikey has to ask. “You're going cold turkey?”
“Well, sex is an addiction, too.”
“You aren't addicted to sex, you are addicted to sex with Gabe,” Spencer says.
“And that's not even true. You are addicted to the idea he will love you some day back,” Mikey whispers.
“He won't, though. I know he won't, that's why I have to do this.”

Warning(s): threesome, sex, incest
Author’s Notes: Thanks to my mixer. OMG, guys check it out even if this story isn't your cup of tea! Also big thanks to [info]tygermine (you know why) and [info]theplumtomato for the beta.
MIX by [info]pikasafire
Title: Paramore
Word Count: 17.149
Beta: [info]theplumtomato
Disclaimer: Don’t know, don’t own, not real



William knows he fell head over heels for Gabe the first time they kissed. William never forgot that first kiss, but he knows Gabe did. Saporta was so fucking drunk that night. Gabe couldn't remember the next day and if it weren't on the internet for the whole world to see, William is pretty sure Gabe would've called bullshit on that one. Fact of life is that there’s photographic evidence of that kiss, so Gabe couldn't talk his way out of it. He tried. William was irritated by it, but he could understand, he was so young back then. He made so many excuses for Gabe's behaviour. He still does...

It's not distance he's feeling, because he never felt distant from Gerard. Gerard was always there, will be, is even now, but it still feels like something is slowly ending and nothing Mikey would, could do would be able to stop it.
When he looks at Gerard he knows Gerard is feeling it, too - but Gerard doesn't seem to be scared by it. He seems kind of excited.
Mikey is scared. He’s scared like he never was before.

Spencer and Ryan only shared one kiss and neither of them were drunk. Ryan was curious and Spencer was a sucker for everything Ryan – still is, when he's being honest. He tries not to be a sucker for everything Ryan, but it's harder than it seems. He can see it all around him, everyone is a sucker for Ryan at some point in their lives, it's fucking ridiculous is what it is. There’s something about Ryan that just makes people care, take an interest and then try to worm their ways into his heart just to break it.
Spencer could never, would never break his heart, but he knows it’s because Ryan would never let him that far in in the first place.



Mikey has no idea who William Beckett is until Gabe introduces them to each other. Mikey knows Gabe and he knows that Gabe only introduces them to each other on this particular night because he wants to get laid and William might be cock-blocking him. The thing is, Gabe really likes William, but he is not in love. Gabe doesn't do love, doesn't do relationships. He does friendships and hook ups and friends with benefits. Mikey knows all that and he’s sure Gabe tried at least to make William see things his way, but apparently it didn't do him any good.

“I'm leaving you two to talk about...whatever. I have a thing to do,” Gabe says, grinning.

“And by 'thing' you mean someone,” Mikey answers. He feels William go tense for a few seconds, before he takes a swig of the Jack he's holding. The bottle is nearly empty and Mikey hopes he didn't drink all of it alone. He can deal with alcoholics, but he doesn't want to. He’s here because Gabe is fun and makes him think about a lot of things and not about Gerard. Not that he can get away from his brother or wants to. He could never get away from Gerard and he doesn't want to - but he feels like they’re breaking up, breaking apart.

“Well...hell, I hope so!” Gabe replies and leaves them.

“'re in a band?” Mikey asks.

William sighs. “Yeah, I'm a singer.”

“Of course you’re a singer. Gabe likes singers.”

“Gabe likes the pretty ones. Did you two fuck?” William asks, and it sounds kind of wrong from William's lips. Maybe it's the face, but Mikey didn't think William would ask it like that.

“Did you?”

“We do,” William says. He says it like he has a right to Gabe. Mikey pities him. He doesn't pity people often, but this is such a fucking hopeless case of love. These things never end well.

“We did, back when I wasn't famous and he was Gabe Saporta of Midtown,” Mikey replies, and holds out his hand for the bottle of Jack. William takes another swig and hands it over. “You know that this thing you have is only a thing, right?” Mikey adds.

William keeps quite for a long time. Mikey turns his head to look at him. His eyes are closed, his breathing regular and soft. He looks pretty, Mikey thinks.
“Yeah, I know.”

“You're hoping things will change, but they won't,” Mikey says. He doesn't say it to be cruel, he says it because it's the truth. He's seen this before.

“You can't know that!” William replies hotly.

“No, I can't know that for sure...” Mikey admits, but knows William gets what he doesn't say.

“I wish I could just fall out of love with him,” William says softly and Mikey is pretty sure he will hate himself in the morning, if he remembers it at all, that he said it. That he shared this with a total stranger. Mikey nods and says nothing. What is there to say, anyway? You can't just decide to not be in love anymore. He wishes it was that fucking easy.
He falls asleep on the couch curled around William Beckett for the first time that night.

William wakes up with someone curled around him and for an insane second he thinks that maybe it's Gabe, but Gabe usually doesn't fall asleep with him after sex. Sometimes they fall asleep together when they’re too drunk to get up and separate. But they only fuck when they're sober. William has a suspicion why it's so important for Gabe to be sober, but he doesn't want to think about it now. The body beside him is too bony to be Gabe's anyway. He turns his head a bit so he can assess the situation and then it all comes back. Well, not all of it - but enough that he feels like running away, hiding somewhere or throwing up. Gabe left him with Mikey fucking Way and he spilled all his secrets. So atypical of him.

“Don't freak out on me before I’ve had coffee, okay?” Mikey mumbles into William's shoulder.

William can't help it, he smiles. “Okay...but after I’ll freak out on you big time.”

“I think I will be able to deal by then. Can we sleep a bit more now?” he asks.


Spencer drums his fingers impatiently on the table and tries not to be irritated by Academy's singer. William should have met him here fifteen minutes ago. Spencer knows William and knows that William is often late if there was a party somewhere – and let's face it, there’s always a party somewhere when you're on tour.
He takes out his phone and waits.

“‘ello?” a tired voice asks.

“Beckett?” Spencer wants to know, because the voice sounds groggy, but not really like William.

“, he's showering? I think...”

“Okay...” Spencer says and doesn't know if he wants to know. “And you are?”

“Oh, hey, this is Mikey,” the voice says.

“As in?” Spencer hates it that people assume he knows everyone by their first name. How many Mikeys, Mikes, Michaels are there on tour right the fuck now anyway?

“Way. Mikey Way. Uhmm... I'm with My Chemical Romance.”

“I know who you are, fuck...” Spencer says. He never in a million years thought he would have a phone conversation with Mikey fucking Way from My fucking Chemical Romance at ass o'clock in the morning because William fucking Beckett didn't show up for breakfast, coffee, whatever.

“You wanna wait for him to finish? Or d’you wanna call back? We're going out for coffee...” Mikey says, he still sounds sleepy.

“I have coffee, I'm at this small diner where he should have met me like 20 minutes ago,” Spencer replies, a bit irritated. It was a bad night and a worse morning for Spencer. Ryan and Brendon have a thing going on and Spencer can't see them together, can't see them giggle and being all...them. He can't stand Jon, either, right now. He thinks he hates his band. “I think I hate my band....” he sighs and face palms himself mentally a second later.

“Dude, happens to all of us. At least you aren't in one with your brother,” Mikey answers. “How good is the coffee where you are?” he adds.

“Uhmmm...okay. I think. They have pancakes, too,” Spencer says, he feels a bit confused by all this, to put it mildly.

“Text me the directions? Or does William know where it is? He does, doesn't he, you were supposed to meet there. Okay, wait for us?” he asks.

“Yeah, sure. Hurry up.” Spencer replies and waits for Mikey to agree before he hangs up. He wants to call Ryan and tell him all about this conversation, but then he thinks about how irritated he is by Ryan right the fuck now and puts his phone away.

Mikey looks rumpled when he sits down at the table and William looks fucking fantastic, like always. That freak, Spencer thinks. This is the fourth time the three of them are meeting for breakfast since that first time when William just forgot to show up and Spencer had to call him and got Mikey instead.

“Coffee,” Mikey says to the waitress and she nods. Spencer already ordered for himself and now they're waiting for William to choose. William always takes forever to choose something. “Will’ll take a while...” Mikey says to the waitress.

“Okay, I'll come back by later then,” she smiles at him and leaves.

“Gee is wondering where I spend my mornings and where I get all the good coffee from,” he throws in.

Spencer looks up. “You didn't tell him that you formed a breakfast club on your own?”


“It kind of is. I think I'm taking the chai and a blueberry muffin.”

“I hate to break it to you, but you always take the chai and a muffin.” Spencer says.

“It's blueberry this time and chai always tastes different in different places,” William declares with a finality that dares anyone to argue with him. It reminds Spencer of how Mikey sends particularly vicious texts. Hitting the send button like it's a mission, like it will get his point across faster. It's kind of strange, he thinks, that he knows these things after such a short time.
The waitress comes back with their coffee and takes William's order. He smiles at her and she smiles back like she means it. Everyone falls for William Beckett. It's the looks, he said once. Maybe, but Spencer really isn't sure.

“This is great coffee. You have a gift for finding excellent coffee, Spencer Smith. I'm declaring you my favourite friend.”

“Wow, that hurt exceptionally.” William says with a soft smile.

Mikey waves it away with a: “I love you, too, just for other reasons.”

“If this is going into blow-job territory I don't want to know,” Spencer says.

William and Mikey give him a look. “Dude! No, we know we have reputations, but it's not all about sex, you know?” Mikey answers.
Spencer feels half ashamed and half relieved. He doesn't know where the relief comes from, maybe it's because sex seems to fuck stuff up between people. Not that it was sex that fucked up Ryan and him. It was Ryan and Brendon, or just the fact that Ryan doesn't like him like Spencer likes Ryan. The simple fact, that Ryan doesn't fucking love him back.
Spencer nods and doesn't apologize. He doesn't have to, he knows that, he doesn't know why he knows it, but he does anyway.

William talks about Gabe all the time when they’re drunk. All the time. It seems like he can only address the issue when he's drunk and only to him and Spencer. He cradles the bottle of Jack and his eyes are closed.

“He’s just so fucking...” he waves a hand and the liquid in the bottle sloshes around making a soft sound against the glass walls.

“Gabe?” Mikey supplies.

“Yes! Gabe. He kissed me and he forgot all about it the next day. There is a picture of him doing it, so he couldn't talk his way out of it. I know he likes me, I know he loves to fuck me, I know...” he shuts his mouth and takes another sip of the whisky.
Mikey knows how that sentence ends, he finished it a few times in his head over the last few weeks. It ends with: he doesn't love me, or a variation of it.

Mikey nods. “I know.”

“You're lucky you're not in love with anyone. Never fall in love with anyone, Mikey Way, never. It only hurts. All the fucking time.”
Spencer on the other side of him nods and William hands him the bottle.
Mikey bites his bottom lip and keeps quite. It's hard enough to deal with all this on his own, but he doesn't think he can ever talk about it. It's too complicated and too fucked up. He’s a whole other kind of freak.

“I still hate my band...” Spencer throws in.

“Still Brendon and Ryan?”

“When I'm being honest, it's only Ryan. He and Brendon don't...whatever they were doing the last few weeks and now Brendon is mopping around and Ryan isn't even there when he can get away with it.”

“I saw him a few days ago with this tech girl, the good looking one....what's her name again?” William asks.

“Alicia. Pete's into her, too.” Mikey replies.

“Brilliant! I love tours with the whole fucking label, it's like an incest-fest!” Spencer says sharply and Mikey suppresses the urge to flinch or run away.

“Hand over the bottle,” he says instead, and Spencer does.

William is staring at the ceiling, sweat cooling on his skin and feeling sore and used – in a good way, mostly. Gabe is puttering around and looking for his clothes. William is listening to his own breathing. Counting the inhales and exhales and trying to stay calm. It’d worked before. The sex is always fucking excellent. Maybe that's why he can't just stop, can't say no to Gabe. Maybe, you can't say no to Gabe because you're still fucking hoping for him to change his fucking mind, a voice in his head that sounds suspiciously like Spencer when he's on his way to get really drunk (that's when he gets mean and cutting) says. William has no idea when his inner voice began sounding like Panic's drummer. Well, fuck.

“Hey, Bill, did you see my other sock?” Gabe asks and William turns to look at him. He's in his boxers and jeans, tearing his shirt over his head. His hair a mess. One sock in his hand, the other in the pocket of his pants. William has no idea at all how it got there.

“Your pocket,” he says and Gabe pats his pants until he finds it.

“How the hell did it get there in the first place anyway?” he grins at William and William smiles back, shaking his head.

“I have no idea,” he answers.

“Doesn't matter. Hey, are you gonna sing with me tonight?” Gabe asks, he asks every fucking time and William hasn’t said no once yet.

“You don't have to ask.”

“I'm not taking anything for granted. Maybe one day you’ll get your mind back and tell me to go fuck myself,” Gabe replies. There is subtext there, but William chooses to ignore it for the moment.

“Maybe...” William says with a small smile. He wishes he could, but he doesn't see it happening any time soon.

“Bill...” Gabe begins.

“I'm going to shower. Going to meet people for coffee in a few.”

“People?” Gabe asks, putting his socks on. He looks ridiculous doing it.

“Yeah, people. For coffee. Mikey and Spencer,” he answers, getting out of the bed. He can feel Gabe's gaze on his body. He stretches a bit for show and turns to look at Gabe.

“I really want to fuck you again,” Gabe says with a quick look at the clock. “When do you need to be there?”

“Thirty minutes,” William replies, shaking his head. “Not enough time to fuck and then shower.”

“But enough to fuck in the shower,” Gabe says with a grin.

“No way, Gabe. No fucking way.”

Gabe gives him a look. Part amused, part searching, and he begins to undress himself. “Going to jerk you off in the shower, then, Billy.”

William bites his lip to keep the moan in. Fuck, fuck, fuck...”Make it quick,” he answers and Gabe grins his victory grin. William kind of maybe hates it a bit. Or a lot.

“You're different,” Gerard says, handing his half smoked cigarette over without a word from Mikey.

Mikey takes it and nods a thanks. “Is that so?”


“Good different or bad different?” he asks, taking a deep drag. Gerard looks him over once. Not the heated gaze he gave Mikey all the years and especially last year around this time, but a good look, like he is searching for something.

“Good, I think. We'll have to wait and see, though.”
Mikey gives Gerard his cigarette back, their fingers brushing in the process, but Mikey doesn't feel the rush of hot want he felt not so long ago whenever they touched. Doesn't think about his brother's skin under his mouth and Gerard's soft gasps and hot breath against his lips. It's almost like it used to be before. Before all this crazy want and forbidden love and all that crap he has no words for, only feelings. “Frank told me he's seen you with that Panic kid?”

“Spencer,” Mikey corrects without thinking.

“He's the drummer?” Gerard asks. His brother doesn't keep track of people in bands he is not interested in.

Mikey nods. “He’s quite good.”

“You don't have to convince me of anything. You can play with whoever you want to. It's a big playground.”

“You always think no one is good enough for me except you,” Mikey replies and bites his lip a second later.

Gerard lets it slide and smiles. “I won't ever think anything else and you know it. Still, you can play with whoever you want and if that person messes you up...I'm gonna mess that fucker up.”

“Even if it's a girl?”

“Is this about Alicia and Pete?” Gerard asks suspiciously.

Mikey can't help but smile. “No, just a question.”
Gerard nods, takes a last drag and throws the butt out of the window. It looks graceful, but everything Gerard does looks graceful to his eyes. Maybe other people think differently, but he doesn't. He can't, is the thing. He's a sucker for everything Gerard. Always was. That's just his life.

“I would hit a girl, as well,” he says.

“You would hit like a girl,” Mikey replies.

“That, too, probably - still. I would fight to avenge you.”

“Good thing I won't need your help, then.”

“Let's hope for the best,” Gerard answers nodding.

Later, when he's alone in his hotel room lying on the bed, he thinks how it can be that he doesn't feel that lost anymore. He felt so fucking hollow and lost before when Gerard started to pull away. Mikey isn't even sure Gerard was aware of it. That it was his choice maybe he was just falling out of love slowly.
Mikey never thought once that what Gerard and he had would ever end, because it was so different. They were them and they were always together and always would be, because they shared the same blood, the same mother and father, the same family. They were one being at times. Gerard often told him that he only started to feel complete when Mikey was born. That he listened to Mikey's movements in their mothers womb, that he was waiting for Mikey to finally be born, to be part of his world. To be a part of him.
Them falling for each other was just a normal (in their eyes) progression of their already very close and wrapped relationship.
When Gerard started to pull away Mikey was lost and worried. You can break up with someone, but how can you break up with your brother when the love you feel is one love. Mikey couldn't separate his love for Gerard and his love for his brother, because they were one thing. Losing Gerard as a lover would mean losing Gerard as a brother, in conclusion: losing Gerard, and that wasn't something he thought he could take. He doesn't think he can take that, but he isn't afraid anymore to lose Gerard completely. Maybe Gerard isn't in love with him anymore, but Gerard still loves him, always will. It doesn't matter that Mikey doesn't feel the same yet. It doesn't matter because Mikey wants to make this shift of their relationship work. He wants to make it work because Gerard so obviously wants it to work. He doesn't try to erase all the years they had sex, were more than just brothers, Mikey knows that. He knows that, but sometimes it still feels like Gerard is trying to do exactly that.

Ryan, and Spencer knows that as surely as he knows that the sun is a fucking huge star, was never in love with him and, by the looks of it, never will be. Sometimes Spencer isn't sure Ryan can actually love someone. Oh, he is capable of falling in love with a person. Heads over heels, even, but he can't seem to manage a steady relationship with anyone he’s slept with. On that thought, Spencer is kind of glad he and Ryan never had sex. He doesn't think he could live without Ryan, or Panic, for that matter.

“So...” Brendon begins, he's playing with the hem of his shirt and not looking at Spencer. That’s never a good sign with Brendon. Spencer isn't even sure he wants to fucking know.

“What did he do this time?”

“Who?” Brendon asks.

“Brendon. Don't give me that crap. You know who. Ryan, that's who. I'm assuming we’re talking about Ryan?”

“No, I mean, yes, he didn't do anything. He just doesn't....he's different.” Brendon looks up then and Spencer hates what he sees in his eyes. Hates it because he's seen it for years in his own eyes, every time he looked into a fucking mirror when he was alone.

“Did you two have had sex?” he makes himself ask - if they did, shit is going to hit the fan and soon, but maybe Ryan was clever enough to think with his upstairs brain for a moment and didn't let it happen.

“No...” Brendon admits. He's looking away again.

“Thank fucking god,” Spencer replies. Brendon's eyes snap to Spencer's.


“Be glad, I am. For once he thought about what the hell he's doing. He always falls hard and fast for someone and then when he's...” Spencer shuts his mouth and looks at something a bit left to Brendon's head.

“What? Spencer, what?” Brendon's voice sounds small and angry.

“He isn't capable of loving someone, you know?” Spencer says.

“He loves you,” Brendon answers.

Spencer laughs. “He loves me because he’s never slept with me. I'm like a brother to him and it's the best thing he can manage and even this, even us, he manages to fuck up somehow from time to time. Don't you get it? He loves you, that's why he doesn't sleep with you. Brendon, take this and run with it. It's the best thing you'll get.” He knows he sounds bitter, but he can't help it.

“That's what you did,” Brendon says with a strange emphasis.

Spencer nods, “Yeah,” because that's exactly what he did.

Gabe was the first guy William slept with. He wasn't a virgin by any means by then except, well, the backdoor bit. He had a rule about sleeping with people and that rule was that he only slept with people he loved (because he’s a romantic at heart). He sticks to this rule. He loves Gabe, the part that hurts is that he knows now that Gabe doesn't love him back. At least not in a 'let's adopt a puppy and buy an apartment in Chicago or New York' way. He doesn't like to face that truth, but he can't ignore it either. They aren't exclusive, they never were, or it's more like Gabe never was. William, well...he’s a fucking romantic. It hurts to be one in a world where sex is everywhere you look. Groupies and other bands and techs, good looking, hot tech girls.
William doesn't think that love and sex are the same. You can have sex without love, you can have love without sex, but he wants both. He wants to be exclusive and he wants someone who doesn't fuck around when they aren't together. Gabe doesn't even hide it, because he doesn't think he needs to. He doesn't need to, is the thing. William knew when he said yes to this that Gabe would never settle down. He knew, because Gabe sat down with him and told him, for fuck's sake, but as stated before: William is a romantic at heart. He had hoped Gabe would change his mind, his fucking heart. Gabe didn't and William doesn't know how to fall out of love with someone.

“It's easy, really,” Vicky says.

William raises an eyebrow in question. “Yeah?”

“Yeah, find someone new. Everyone new kills the feelings for the other person, the current person. You just have to let it happen,” she answers.

“Let it happen?”

“Yes, you can't just keep holding on to that destructive relationship. You have to slowly let go, let it die, disappear and let someone else in.” She takes a sip of coffee and adds: “Or be your own person for a while.”

William doesn't know how to be his own person when he's around Gabe. When he's around Gabe, he's Bilvy and Bilvy is Gabe's. “Hmmm...”

“Maybe when this all is over, maybe when you can get away for a while from all this craziness that is touring, maybe you can try to be your own person again.”

William knows what she isn't saying. What she isn't saying is this: When you get away from Gabe then you can try and be your own person again. Try to let someone else in. What she says is: learn to say no to him. He doesn't know if he can do that.

“I'll try,” he answers her and she grabs his wrist and squeezes.

“That's good enough for now.”

Two days before the tour ends the breakfast club sits down in a small coffee shop at ass o'clock. Spencer looks like he would kill anyone who should so much as look at him, William looks like he's been having sex all night long – which he probably has – and Mikey himself, well he has no idea, but he feels like he would kill for coffee. Probably looks that crazy, as well.
The waitress looks as tired and unwilling as anyone Mikey has ever seen, but she gets them coffee and muffins and William doesn't even bitch about how his has raisins in it, he just switches with Spencer who offers his blueberry-chocolate wordlessly.

“I'm feeling depressed,” William says, picking at his muffin and not really eating it.

“You shouldn't, you and Gabe fucked like bunnies last night, I'm sure,” Spencer answers. He sounds bitchy, Mikey thinks. William apparently thinks that too.

“What is it to you? And don't be a bitch about was...”

“A good-bye fuck?” Spencer supplies.

“You're lucky I'm all fucked out and that you gave me your muffin or I would be in your fucking face right now,” William answers, he sounds tired instead of his usual sharp self. Mikey guesses he feels like both of them. Like this is the end of something good, something that kept them sane since they started it a few weeks ago, for the most part. Kept them away from their addictions and unhealthy obsessions. At least that's how Mikey’s feeling about the whole thing.

“I always thought you wouldn't swear,” Mikey says into the tense silence.


“Your lyrics are so carefully crafted. Not like Gee's, who just fucking says whatever the fuck he wants like if he wouldn't he would die or explode or something. Vampires and cancer and blowing his brains out against the fucking ceiling...”

“That is so... The person on stage and the person I am are never ever the same. You of all people should know. Your brother is Gerard fucking Way.” William answers, taking a bite of his muffin.
Yeah, he thinks, his brother is Gerard fucking Way and that makes him Mikey fucking Way, Gerard's brother. Sometimes it's even enough.
He itches for a smoke suddenly, but suppresses the need to go outside and poison himself and takes a sip of his coffee instead. It's really good coffee for such a small, nondescript place.

“I will miss your coffee finding senses, Spencer Smith. They are way better than Spider-senses, way better.”

“Only to a coffee-addict like you, Michael Way,” Spencer answers. Mikey likes when Spencer uses his full name. It's not something he thought he’d miss, and he doesn't, really, but it's nice how Spencer says it, it's different, like this isn't part of him and Gerard, like this is something only he has. Which is so stupid, it's not like Gerard is ever taking anything away from Mikey. They are sharing everything and more than normal siblings do. They’re crossing lines that aren't even there in the first place.

William puts his half eaten muffin down and sighs. “I'm breaking up with Gabe today.” He doesn't say it as much as he declares it.

“You know you aren't really together, right?” Spencer answers, but he doesn't sound like a bitch about it.

“I know, I just meant that I'm not going to have sex with him in the future. I'm going to detox.”

“From Gabe?” Mikey has to ask. “You're going cold turkey?”

“Well, sex is an addiction, too.”

“You aren't addicted to sex, you are addicted to sex with Gabe,” Spencer says.

“And that's not even true. You are addicted to the idea he will love you some day back,” Mikey whispers.

“He won't, though. I know he won't, that's why I have to do this.”
Mikey nods. Spencer takes a sip of his coffee and keeps quiet as well.

William throws his bags onto the bed, goes to the bathroom, takes a piss and shower and then calls Spencer while he's making tea in his kitchen. There even is tea in one of the cupboards. He does a small victory dance in his head about that and waits for Spencer to pick up.

“I'm home,” he declares as soon as Spencer does.

“Good for you. I'm not.” Spencer sounds tired and a bit bitchy.

“Still dealing with the Brendon and Ryan situation?”

Spencer sighs. “There is no Brendon and Ryan situation. Brendon is trying... I don't know. To get over him or something and Ryan is sleeping with everyone who's interested. Do you think Pete?” he asks.

“Do I think Pete what?”

“Makes an exception for Ryan from his gay above the waist rule?” Spencer says.

William pours hot water into his mug with a tea bag and looks for sugar. Not finding any he shrugs mentally and sits down on the floor of his kitchen, back to the cupboards. “I have no idea and I really think I don't want to know, either.”

“You don't want to know?”

“Why do you want to know, Spence?” William asks. He knows the answer, but he wants Spencer to think about it.

“I...just care.”

“About Ryan, and you can, but not like that...Okay, I know I’m the last person who should say this, but you’re obsessed and he’ll never love you back.”

Spencer laughs. It sounds sharp and feral. Dangerous. “The thing is, Bill, the thing is he does love me.”

Oh, William thinks. Well, fuck. “I'm sorry,” he says.

“Whatever,” Spencer answers.

“So, what are you wearing?” William asks out of the blue. He is blowing on his tea and smiling like crazy.

Spencer nearly chokes on something when he laughs. “Seriously?”

“It's just a question. It's not my fault your mind is totally in the gutter,” William replies deadpan.

“It is, you’re the one who is always talking about sex.”

“With Gabe,” William stresses. “That is the difference. I only have sex with Gabe...well, not anymore, because I quit the whole having sex with Gabe thing for my own sanity.”

“ called me so you wouldn't call Gabe, right?”

William takes a sip of his tea and then sighs. It might be true. “I think I did. Is that okay?”

“Can I call you when I think I'm five seconds away from murdering or fucking Ryan?” Spencer asks.

“Yes!” William answers. This is a brilliant idea.

Spencer ends the call and looks around. He kind of maybe hates airports. A lot, especially since Panic got big. He's thinking about getting a Snickers when his cell rings.

“Michael,” he says.

“I'm going mad, maybe,” Mikey answers. Spencer likes how Mikey just says things and doesn't beat around the bush. He likes how Mikey doesn't care about pleasantries, like life is too short to waste it on 'hello'.

“Frank?” Spencer asks.

“Yeah...Frank and Gee and my whole band. It's not good when you want to murder your band in their sleep, is it?”

“Been there, done that...oh wait, I didn’t do it, because you talked me out of it.”

“Right, I remember. So, talk me out of it. Tell me why I shouldn't murder my band,” Mikey answers. His voice sounds calm and soft and just nice. Spencer already misses him, more than William even.

“Because you love them all. You love these loud, smelly, creative, talented, crazy guys,” Spencer replies.

“Sometimes....sometimes I feel like-” he cuts himself off and Spencer waits, but Mikey keeps silent on the other end of the line.

“It’s possible that William will call you and ask you what you're wearing. It's totally a trap...don't answer it,” Spencer says eventually into the silence.

“He called you already?”

“I'm the man. You should know by now,” Spencer says, smiling. An elderly woman gives him a look and then winks at him. Spencer bursts out laughing.

“What?” Mikey asks.

“Nothing, really just...” and then he tells Mikey anyway before he has to hang up because his flight begins to board.

Mikey is restless all the time. He doesn’t even know why. He isn’t calling William or Spencer, but he answers every call and text from them. Gee gives him looks. The good kind, maybe. The ‘I’m your big brother, talk to me’ kind, but he can’t talk to Gee about this. He never had to talk to Gee about anything, because Gee knew. This is a whole new situation for him. For them both, really.
Gerard corners him at mom’s after dinner. He’s smoking outside and hoped mom would keep his brother occupied a bit longer, but he should have known.

“So…” Gee begins and Mikey waits. Gerard lights a cigarette, takes a deep drag, exhales, takes another one. “I have no idea what to say here,” he admits then.

“I have no idea, either. It’s nothing,” Mikey answers.

“It’s not nothing and we both know it, because we’re just that awesomely connected,” Gerard says, looking at him. Mikey takes a drag from his own cigarette. He is stalling and he knows it, Gee knows it, too, for fuck's sake he learned that one from his brother. He exhales and sighs. They never had to talk about how they felt or what something meant. Mikey always knew and he's sure Gerard did as well.

“Other people aren't you,” he settles on.
Gerard nods like Mikey makes perfect sense and the thing is that he does make perfect sense to his brother.

“And they'll never be and you don't know what to do,” Gerard answers.

Mikey gives him a look. “Wow, are you obvious right now.”

“Oh, shut the hell up. I'm being your big brother right now,” Gerard says laughing. Small clouds of smoke leaving his parted lips. Mikey really wants to kiss him, so he leans in and just does it. Gerard turns into it, hums in appreciation.

“You'll always be my big brother,” he replies softly after ending the kiss.
They finish their smokes in silence.

William is bored out of his fucking mind, he knows because he’s searching the net for pictures of Gabe – which just can’t be healthy. Not if it isn’t for the shit and giggles, the ‘omg, what the hell where you thinking’ kind. This is not that kind, it’s more of the ‘I’m kind of being creepy because I miss your stupid face’ kind. He shuts his laptop and sighs. He could call. He could. There is nothing wrong with calling your friends. Yeah, right. He grabs his cell and types a short message to Mikey instead. He misses Mikey, too, he misses them making him feel sane and not like he’s waiting for his next Gabe fix.

“I’m going crazy in a not good very bad way,” he says after Mikey’s sleepily mumbled hello.

“I’m listening…I think. I’m really tired. Just rant and maybe I won’t fall asleep on you,” he answers.

“I miss your stupid face,” William replies. He’s smiling.

Mikey yawns. “I need some coffee…”

“I’ll hold the line,” William answers.
Mikey laughs. It sounds warm, if a laugh can sound warm, Mikey’s sleepy laugh did just that.

“Spencer misses your stupid face too and he is going crazy as well at home. His sisters are driving him insane, that’s what he said,” Mikey says and William bursts out laughing. “Hey…I didn’t mean it like that and you know it.”

“I know. I just have a very dirty mind.”

“Gabe corrupts everyone,” Mikey answers. His voice sounds serious. William kind of wants to ask about him and Gabe, but he doesn’t. He hasn’t brought it up since the first time they met. Sometimes he really doesn’t want to know if Gabe made Mikey gasp the same way he does with him.

“I doubt that Spencer would ever fall for Gabe’s charm.”

“That’s because Spencer is smart, not like the rest of us mortals.”

“You are so strange, Mikey Way,” William answers. Mikey keeps quite on the other side of the line. “It’s not a bad thing,” William adds softly. “I like it.” What he doesn’t say, because he doesn’t think he can or that he’s ready or that Mikey’s ready to hear it is: I like you.

”Tell me what you found while you were stalking Gabe on the internet this morning,” Mikey answers and William doesn’t even wonder how he knew that. Mikey Way is just that kind of unique snowflake.

Spencer is sure one more day with his family and Ryan just next door like before they were rich and famous and he’ll be ready to kill them all, except maybe his mom. She was and will always be awesome.
So when he gets the text from William to come to Chicago because he is obsessively stalking Gabe again, he throws a few items of clothing into his bag and buys a ticket online. He leaves Ryan a message, but doesn’t call. He just doesn’t think he could take Ryan’s shit right now.

William is sprawled on his couch and kind of drunk. He is waving his bottle of Jack in one hand to illustrated the point while Mikey nods earnestly, taking a drag of his cigarette. Spencer shakes his head lightly and they give him a look. He bites into his nearly cold slice of pizza, chews and says: “No way in hell.”

“You were listening?” William’s voice sounds surprised.

Spencer rolls his eyes. “Yes, William, I was listening. You are drunk and should shut up now before you say something you might regret.”

“I told Mikey everything the first time we met because I was drunk. I don’t regret it.”

“You were freaking out on me the morning after,” Mikey throws in, taking another drag.

“Traitor,” William mumbles. He puts the bottle on the floor and stretches. His shirt rides up and Spencer can see some bruises on his hip.

“What did you do?” he asks, there is something in his stomach that twists and curls, a bit like jealousy.

William pulls his shirt down and bites his lip. Spencer gives him a look. Mikey keeps quiet. “It’s not what you think, okay? I did not cave like a cavy thing that caves…” he starts and Mikey laughs softly.
Spencer gives him a look.

“What? It was kind of funny?”

Spencer sighs. “What is it then?” he wants to know.

“I just can’t let it go,” William confesses, stroking the bruises around his hip.

“You’re digging your own fingers in to keep the shape,” Mikey says softly. William nods.
Something about the way how Mikey says it lets Spencer’s alarm bells ring. Like he’s been there and done exactly that. Spencer was never that obsessive, but then he never had any bruises to trace except those on Ryan’s body and he was very carefully with those. Always.

“That’s not letting go of your obsession,” Spencer observes.

“Thank you, mister obvious,” William sighs reaching for the bottle.
Spencer has no idea what the hell he can say to that. He feels a bit helpless.

“At least he’s not sleeping with Gabe,” Mikey throws in. Spencer gives him a look. “I count the small victories.” Mikey adds, shrugging.

“Well…now that you’re here, maybe I’ll stop doing it.”

“You’re still stalking him,” Spencer points out.

“But not for hours,” Mikey says.

Spencer feels like he can’t win this argument, so he grabs the bottle from William’s hands and takes a swig.

Mikey wakes up with his face in Spencer’s t-shirt. It smells like whisky and his head really doesn’t like it. He shifts and falls from the couch they fell asleep on. This thing is really too small for three guys, especially when two of them are him and William. One look tells him that William is curled around Spencer’s other side. One arm thrown over his middle. He sits up, carefully and then gets up. He needs to piss and a shower and coffee and maybe he needs the coffee more than the shower right now.
The most ridiculous thing is that William doesn’t have any coffee in his kitchen – he forgot that, again. Mikey is kind of horrified. It’s unnatural to not have any coffee in the house.
He showers, then puts some clean-ish clothes on and goes out in search for coffee.

When he comes back an hour or so later he has muffins and coffee and William is looking at him like he might be the messiah. Mikey can hear the shower running so he doesn’t ask where Spencer is.

“You’re wearing my shirt,” William points out.

“Oh, hey…hmm…” Mikey answers intelligently.

“No big deal. Just letting you know.”

“You need to buy coffee, I don’t want to have to brave the weather and air outside every fucking morning,” Mikey says, handing the bag with the muffins over to William.

“Did you get some for Spencer too?”

“Yeah,” Mikey replies, following Bill into the kitchen. He sits down with his coffee and watches William prepare tea. It smells good, kind of spicy.
Spencer emerges from the shower some ten minutes later. His hair is wet and messy, leaving stains on his green shirt.

“God bless you, Mikey Way,” he says sitting down at the table. He grabs a paper cup and makes a face.

“I know, it’s getting cold.”

“I could heat it up for you”, William says. Mikey gives him a horrified look. “Or not.” He hands Spencer one of the muffins and drinks his tea with a small smile hiding behind his mug.
Mikey already feels a lot better than he did earlier this morning.

William isn’t blind, is the thing. He’s much more observant than people give him credit for. He knows that something’s up with Mikey. He knows it because he spent weeks studying him. And now he has Mikey in his personal space 24/7. Mikey always gets kind of quiet when they’re talking about their obsessions, or to be honest, it’s mostly William who is talking, Spencer is ranting sometimes about Ryan and how Ryan always messes things up. William thinks that Spencer is on his way to let this whole thing with Ryan go. Good for him; he always was smarter than the rest of them.
Mikey’s sitting in the kitchen on the floor, his back against the counter, talking quietly to his brother. His face always lights up when he’s talking to Gerard and they’re talking every fucking day. He gets it, he has a sister he’s close with, but not that close. He doesn’t have to call her every day to let her know…well, whatever Mikey is letting Gerard know.

“Do you think…” he takes a sip of tea to calm his nerves a bit and Spencer gives him an impatient look.

“Do I think what? Because I can’t read minds.”

“I bet you can read Ryan’s…” William answers.

Spencer sighs. “Because I’ve known him my whole life, that doesn’t count. I bet Mikey can do that with Gerard, as well.”

William takes a deep breath. “About that…” he begins and stops. He has no idea how to breach this subject. It’s not something you talk about and he knows he can’t ask Mikey.

“Okay, what the heck is it, William?” Spencer asks, but he sounds curious, not irritated.

“Do you think Gerard and Mikey are too close?” He says it all in a rush before he can talk himself out of it.

“For siblings?” Spencer asks carefully. Not an ounce of judgement in his voice.
William nods and wonders if maybe Spencer was thinking about it too. “I don’t know, every relationship is different. You should know that. You’re close with your sister, too, you kind of look the same, even.”

“That’s why I think I’m going to cut my hair,” William throws in. And because he knows Gabe loves to tangle his fingers in it when William blows him.

“Don’t digress,” Spencer tells him.

“I’m not. I was just wondering. I mean, he’s on the phone with Gerard every day and his face…looks kind of serene when he talks to his brother. Like he’s home.”


“And it’s in the way they touch.”

“They’re the Ways,” Spencer answers. William gives him a look, but lets it go.

So, Spencer can’t not think about it now. Thanks to William fucking Beckett he’s wondering, too. It’s true that there’s something about Mikey and Gerard that maybe just doesn’t sit right. Not in a bad way. It’s just strange.
Spencer has no idea how to ask about it. None at all. So he doesn’t ask and just keeps thinking and wondering whenever Mikey speaks to Gerard on the phone. Looks at him and thinks that Mikey really looks beautiful like this. Like he knows he’s loved no matter what.

“Spencer is giving me looks,” Mikey says.

“What kind of looks?” Gerard wants to know. Mikey can hear him exhale smoke.

“I don’t know, like he’s looking for something. That kind of looks…Gee?”


“I…I have no idea what the hell I’m doing here. William asked to come and I just did. I never just…what the hell am I doing here?”

“Getting away from us,” Gerard states.

“I don’t want to get away from you.”

“That’s not what I said. I think you like him,” Gerard answers.

“William or Spencer?”

Gerard laughs. It’s his surprised laugh. The one when he just discovered something. “Both, I think.”

“Oh…” Mikey says.

“Oh, indeed.”

“You sound like a cartoon douche bag….”

“That was my Doctor Who impression.”

“Your impressions suck,” Mikey answers.

“You suck.”

“Yeah,” Mikey says with a soft laugh. “Yeah, I do.”

Gerard chokes on smoke on the other end of the line. “Now I’m going to think about your mouth while jerking off…” he says.

“Mission accomplished, then.”

“You’re a jerk.”

“You love me,” Mikey says without a second of hesitation.

“Yeah, I do.”
Mikey keeps silent and listens to his brother smoke on the other end of the line until he’s ready to hang up.

Spencer calls it a hiatus, but everyone knows what that means.

“I’m not worried yet,” Spencer says, stubbornly.

“Okay,” Mikey answers, he’s handing Spencer a sandwich and then making one for William. William has no idea when his apartment became kind of theirs, but he doesn’t mind and he hasn’t stalked Gabe on the internet or the phone for five days now. Things are looking up. Except for the whole Panic split up thing, of course.

“I thought I knew him,” Spencer says, angrily. “I honestly thought I knew him and he…he wants to leave the band!”
What he means is, William knows, ‘he wants to leave me’. Because it was Spencer and Ryan in the beginning. SpencerandRyan. They were the core. Spencer was keeping them sane and with at least one foot on the ground when things started to get crazy with Panic. The thing with Brent, then Jon and now Ryan is thinking about leaving the band.

“He’ll come around,” William says.

Spencer gives him a look. “I wish you wouldn’t try to cheer me the fuck up!” he explodes.

William bites into his sandwich and doesn’t get in his face. He knows that Spencer can be a bitch and this is serious business. He bets he was a bitch, too, when the whole thing with Tom happened. Well, he knows he was a bitch then.
Mikey is a calm and steady rock. William admires him for it.

Mikey is pretty sure Panic is not going to make it out alive, or something.

“He’s taking Jon with him,” Spencer announces a week after he first told them about Ryan’s plans. Mikey wonders why Spencer is still here. Here at William’s instead of being in Vegas with Ryan and Jon and Brendon to try and sort things out.

“And Brendon?” William asks, his voice carefully neutral.

“Brendon is not going with them. I don’t know if he…I…he’s leaving us.” Spencer says helplessly and William hugs him on impulse. Spencer doesn’t even fight him. “He’s leaving the people he loves,” he adds softly and William hugs him tighter.
That’s why, Mikey realizes, that’s why Spencer is here and not in Vegas. There is nothing there in Vegas anymore. Ryan is leaving them and he’s not coming back.

“I’m keeping the name and I’m putting in the exclamation mark back in” Spencer declares the next day over breakfast. He knows he looks like shit because he couldn’t sleep at all. It helped that William let him sleep in his bed and that Mikey was there, too. He doesn’t want to think about this too deeply because that would only make life more complicated and he just lost half of his band.

“Is this some symbolic act of ‘fuck you’?” Mikey asks.

Spencer nods. It’s exactly that.

“Okay. I think Ryan will be pissed about it,” William says.

“I hope he’ll be pissed about it,” Spencer answers, taking a sip of tea. Mikey overslept and no one was out for coffee.

Mikey stares into his mug and sighs. “I miss coffee. Can we get coffee now, please?”

“You and your brother are so addicted…” William says and Spencer feels Mikey tense up for a second.

“Coffee is life,” he replies, earnestly.

“In your world…sure,” William smiles.

“Can we get coffee now?”

“I want a pastry with it, or two. I feel like eating a lot of sugar today,” Spencer says, because he does feel like eating a lot of sugar today.

Spencer goes back to Vegas to sort things out with his band and his label for a week and Mikey goes back to Jersey for his brother’s birthday. William is going crazy in his apartment the second day in. He isn’t stalking Gabe on the internet. He’s stalking Mikey and Spencer. He’s not calling but he texts random things to Mikey and asks Spencer how things are going once a day. He got only one reply from Spencer: Everything sucks. Which kind of sums it up for William and is how he remembers the thing with Tom back in the day. They just have to make it through this. William believes that Spencer and Brendon will be okay in the end.
He’s feeling restless and alone. He misses them being constantly in his space. He misses falling asleep on the couch with Spencer on his right and waking up with Mikey draped all around him. He misses rants about not having any coffee and Spencer being grumpy and dripping water all over his floor because he can’t be bothered to towel his hair dry.
He is kind of fucked he thinks, so he calls Gabe.

“I think I am kind of fucked,” he says.

Gabe laughs, his voice warm and rich and William misses him suddenly painfully, but it passes. “Are you still holed up with the breakfast club in Chicago?”

“I’m miserably alone in Chicago,” William answers.

“Your boyfriends left you?”

“They aren’t my boyfriends,” William says.

“Sure they are, honey. They’re all I’m not,” Gabe replies and William is surprised to find that it doesn’t hurt like it used to when Gabe kept saying that.

“I’m over you,” he says surprised.

“Does that mean we won’t be singing together anymore?”

“Was singing always a metaphor for you?” William asks.

“That’s why I love singers,” Gabe answers and William laughs.

“I’m hanging up now.”

“Good luck.”

Spencer is feeling like a truck ran him over. He is so done with all the talking. He is done with Ryan and with Jon and with Pete, as well.

“I need some air,” he says and gets up. Ryan looks like he wants to bitch about it, but Jon grabs his arm and shakes his head slightly. Jon hasn’t lost his touch, it seems. It doesn’t make Spencer less angry. Brendon gets up as well and follows him outside.
It’s still cold for April and Spencer wishes he thought about taking his jacket with him.

“You okay?” Brendon asks.

“I could say that right back,” Spencer answers.

Brendon shrugs. “It’s not great, but I like that you’re putting the exclamation mark back in.”


“It really pissed Ryan off,” Brendon says with a smile. Spencer smiles back. “So, when are you leaving for Chicago again?”

“Who says I’m leaving at all for Chicago again?” Spencer asks.

“Don’t. I know you don’t want to be here. Hell, I don’t want to be here either…”

“As soon as I can,” Spencer answers.

“I’m happy for you,” Brendon says earnestly.

Spencer nods, he has no idea what he can answer to that.

“You waiting for a call?” Gerard asks, exhaling smoke.

“No,” because he isn’t, he only hopes…well. Never mind.

“So, you like them a lot, right?” Gerard asks.

“I guess so.”

“You never could go for the easy thing.”

“Same goes for you.”

“We’re just that special, I guess,” Gerard answers with a smile.

“Will you give them the speech?” Mikey asks. He really wants to know, now that they’re sorting through this whole thing.

“If you tell them, I might.”

Mikey isn’t sure what Gerard means by this, exactly. “Tell them about how I feel or about us?” he asks, just to be on the safe side.

“It’s kind of the same,” Gerard answers.

“I’m over my helpless love crush thing!” William declares and Mikey smiles.

“Hello to you, too, you wanna come in or something?” he asks.

“Should I have called? Are you busy?” William says, feeling kind of sheepish.

“You came here straight from the airport, right?” Mikey asks.

“Did the bag in my hand give me away?”

“No, the taxi on my front porch,” Mikey deadpans.

“Who the hell is it?” Gerard yells.

“William Beckett!” William yells back and Mikey smiles.

“Does he want to come in?” Gerard asks.

“He’s not sure if it’s okay!” William answers loudly.

“Oh shut the fuck up you two!” Mikey says and William smiles at him. They can hear Gerard’s stupid laugh outside. “Come in before I freeze to death,” he says to William, letting him in.

William sits down, his bag at his feet and says: “I hope you guys have tea in this house.”

“Strangely enough, Mikey started to drink some chai…you’ve corrupted him,” Gerard answers with a wicked smile. It kind of takes William’s breath away. Gerard live and right in front of him is so much more…something than Gerard on stage or Gerard over the phone with Mikey.

“I’ll take that with sugar…” he begins and Mikey interrupts him rolling his eyes.

“And milk I know.”

“Right, of course.”
Mikey smiles before he disappears in the kitchen. Gerard takes a drag of his cigarette and William watches his lips. He always thought Gerard had pretty lips.

“So, what brings you here, William Beckett?”

William has no idea what brings him here to be honest. “Your brother,” he says, because it’s kind of true.
Gerard smiles like he knows something William doesn’t. It’s very possible he does know something William doesn’t. A lot of things. It might be stupid, but William believes the Ways are maybe a bit magical or something. He’ll never ever admit it to anyone.

“You wanted to see him because you missed him after only a few days,” Gerard states.

“Uhm…” William says unintelligently. Where are the words when he needs them? He used to be a lyricist.

“Don’t do that,” Mikey says softly as he enters the living room with William’s tea and two mugs of coffee. William is feeing like he’s siding with Gerard, which is kind of ridiculous. This isn’t war, this is a cup of tea. Gerard smiles at him, slow and kind of sensual. Like he knows exactly what William is thinking.

“I’m not doing anything, Mikey,” he says and takes the mug Mikey hands over. Their fingers brush and Gerard’s linger just a fraction too long. If William hadn’t been watching them so carefully, he wouldn’t have noticed. Something like jealousy uncoils in is stomach. He pushes it down. There’s nothing he should be jealous over. They’re brothers, for fuck's sake.
Mikey gives his brother a look and Gerard smiles.
William feels kind of hot and uncomfortable, he just can't pinpoint why. He takes his mug and blows on his tea.

“Right...” Mikey says after a pregnant silence.

Spencer is really not sure what the hell he's doing at the Ways' front door. He’s been standing there for two minutes now. It's so not like him to lose his nerve. He jumps as his phone rings and grabs it hastily.


“You have to at least knock,” William's amused voice says. Spencer looks from the door to the window and gives William the middle finger, who is waving cheerfully. “Not nice Spence, not nice at all.”

“What the hell am I even doing here?” he asks.

“You missed us, it's so obvious,” William answers.

Spencer sighs into the phone. “Are you letting me in or not?”

“It's not my house, you know? You have to knock at least.”

“You said that already.”

“And you know how much I love to repeat myself...” William says with a smile.

“I'm hanging up now on you;” Spencer replies, and does just that. He knows William and he knows Mikey by now, as well, so he knocks and a second later the door is being opened. “You were standing there the whole time, right?”

“We were waiting for you to knock or ring the bell,” Mikey answers with a small smile.

“I kind of hate you both.”

“You're such a liar, Spencer Smith,” Mikey says.

“Are you letting me in or not?”
Mikey steps aside and lets Spencer enter the house.

Gerard gives him looks he totally ignores. All of them. All.

“William Beckett is up at unholy hours,” Gerard says as they're sharing a mug of coffee and a cigarette in the backyard. It's a nice day for late April. Gerard is wearing his skeleton pajamas, his hair is messy and he smells like shampoo and coffee. A rare combination for his brother.

“He’s a morning person,” Mikey answers.

“That's unnatural and wrong, you know that, right?” Gerard asks with a smile. He takes a drag of the cigarette and hands it over to Mikey.

“Some people would say the same about us,” he gives back. Gerard turns to him and grabs his wrist hard.

“Listen. There is nothing wrong with us. We are not unnatural and wrong. Never ever think that,” he says earnestly and then leans in and kisses Mikey on the lips softly.

“I know,” Mikey answers and kisses Gerard, too.

Okay, okay, he thinks. He can deal with this. This is nothing he didn't do with Gabe and more. You and Gabe aren't brothers, the saner part of his mind supplies, so unhelpfully. William takes a deep breath and pulls away from the door silently. He’s like a ghost, he thinks, but maybe the Ways are just oblivious to everything right now.
He stole a moment from them, he didn’t want to steal that moment, but it happened anyway.
Maybe he saw that wrong. He wasn’t that close anyway, and- yeah, no, William Beckett knows how a kiss looks like and that between the Way-brothers was a kiss, alright. His brain tries to come up with an explanation here, but the only one is pretty easy to spell: incest.
He disappears into the guest room he shares with Spencer and crawls into the bed. He doesn’t think he can deal with all of this now. He needs to think about it. Think it over, because if Gerard and Mikey are an item than there is no hope at all for them, as in him and Mikey and maybe Spencer…he thought, and it was stupid, really, that Mikey felt the same about them.
He really can’t deal with this right now.

Mikey is looking uncertain, Spencer thinks. He is constantly looking in the direction of the stairs, in the direction of the guest room.

“You know him,” Spencer says and Mikey nods.

“Yeah, I know him,” he answers, but something in his voice makes Spencer sit up and look at Mikey properly.

“Okay, what’s wrong with him?”

“Something,” Mikey answers.

“Mysterious as ever, that’s how I love my Ways,” Spencer says rolling his eyes, but the thing is, he means it, too.

“Do you, now?” Gerard asks from the door. Spencer didn’t even hear him coming up from the basement he disappears to when he wants to work on projects. Smoke is curling around his hand, his hair is a mess and there is paint or pencil or something on his check.
Mikey gives his brother a complicated look.
The truth is, Spencer does. In the few weeks he’s stayed here with William he got used to having Gerard around, hovering like a ghost or a mom, sometimes, around Mikey. It was only strange for the first two days. You just get used to Gerard being there really fast. He’s intrusive in a non-intrusive way.

“Yeah, I do.”

“You love us?” Gerard says with an edge. There is an emphasis on the word ‘love’.
Spencer looks between him and Gerard. If he’s being honest, he maybe only likes Gerard that much because he’s such a big part of Mikey.

“I think I might like Mikey more than you.”

Gerard grins around his cigarette. It shouldn’t be, but it is a complicated expression. “Like and love are not the same, Spencer Smith.”

“No, no they’re not,” Spencer admits.

Mikey really has no idea what the hell Gerard is trying to do.

“What the freaking hell, Gerard?!” he hisses.

Gerard leans against the kitchen table and lights a cigarette, then lights one for Mikey as well.
“You need to know that there is nothing wrong with you.”

“I know that!” he takes the cigarette from Gerard and takes a deep drag.

“No, you’re still trying to hide a part of yourself and they’re not. You know everything about William and Gabe, and about Spencer’s problems and impossible love for Ryan, but they don’t know who you love, Mikey,” Gerard answers, and his voice goes soft on Mikey’s name.
Mikey sighs and Gerard grabs his neck so that their foreheads touch. “You’re still hiding.”

“I just don’t know what they’ll do if they find out,” Mikey whispers. Gerard’s breath smells like smoke and candy. He always loved that combination on Gerard, but only on Gerard.

“I don’t know either, but it won’t do you any good to hide me away.”

“No one can hide you away, Gee. You’re just too damn flashy,” Mikey answers, softly.
Gerard laughs, his breath mingling with Mikey’s own.

“So, don’t even try.”

Mikey sighs. “Yeah, I can see how that’ll go down: and by the way, I sleep with Gee from time to time, I hope you guys won’t mind.”

Gerard kisses him then. “You don’t mind their lovers, either.”

“They’re trying to get away from their hopeless loves, Gee. I could never do that.”

“That’s because we’re not hopeless, Mikey.”

Yeah, Mikey thinks, he supposes they’re not.

William hears Spencer get up and crawls out of under the covers.

“You decided to be a real boy again?” Spencer asks. He’s wearing one of William’s t-shirts, the one he stole himself from The Butcher. It was a brave act of theft, William remembers it fondly.

“I’m always a real boy, Spencer Smith. You should know that.”

“Yeah,” Spencer answers with a smile. “So, you’re going to get up and shower and maybe even have a cup of tea and a piece of toast downstairs in the kitchen?” Spencer asks with an eyebrow-raise. Damn, but William was always jealous of the eyebrow-raise.

“Maybe,” William allows.

“Maybe?” Spencer asks. “Okay, what the hell is wrong with you?”

William cocks his head and looks at Spencer. “Okay Spence, you really need to be sure you want to know this, because there is no turning back.”

“Is this about Mikey?”


“You’re in love with him. I know.”

William laughs. It’s a bit hysterical. “Yeah, I am, but it’s not about that-“

“And you know I like him too,” Spencer interrupts.

“Yes, but this is not about how we can maybe make this thing between us work, Spencer.”

“Now I’m curious,” Spencer admits. He steps closer and sits down on the bed, close to the mess of blankets William is wrapped in.

“You sure you want to know?”

“If it’s about Mikey, yes.”

“He’s not unattached,” William says. Spencer gives him a look. “You wanna hear more?”

“Do you know with who he is in love with?”

“Unfortunately, yes.”

Spencer takes a deep breath. “Spit it out.”


“Gerard who?” Spencer asks confused and William looks at him. “Oh, his brother Gerard.”

“Yeah, his brother Gerard.”

And everything makes a warped kind of sense now, Spencer thinks. He’s ready to admit he’s a bit shocked. Maybe he’s a lot shocked, to be honest, but he doesn’t let it settle in.

“How do you know?”

“I saw them. Kissing.”

“They kiss all the time. They’re the freaking Ways, William,” Spencer answers.

William looks bitchy as he says: “I know that, the freaking world knows that. I know how a real kiss looks like, Spencer, and I wouldn’t just tell stories for the fun of it!”
Spencer runs a hand over his face. Right, he wouldn’t do something like that. Gossip is one thing, accusing someone of incest is a whole other deal entirely.

“Okay, okay. So, there is something between Gerard and Mikey…” The thing is, Spencer thinks, it doesn’t freak him out as nearly as much as it should.

“Yeah…and that’s why we can’t do shit, because, let’s face it, shall we? We can never compare to Gerard fucking Way,” William says gloomily.

Oh my god, Spencer thinks, nearly hysterical. That’s the part William chooses to concentrate on, not the part where Mikey’s probably sleeping with his brother.
This just can't be his life. “Are you going to stay here with me, now?” William asks, making room for Spencer under the covers.

Spencer sighs. “No. I like to face my problems.”

“No, it's not your problem. That isn't any of our business and you know it. As his friends, we'll just pretend we don't know a freaking thing.”

“Bang up job you’ve done so far, Bill,” Spencer answers.
William curls up under the covers and mumbles something Spencer doesn't understand. Maybe that's a good thing, Spencer needs to think.

“Whatever William has, it seems to be catching,” Gerard says in the evening.
Mikey nods. He has no idea what the hell is going on, but he doesn't like it. William has stayed in the guest room two days now and now Spencer isn't coming down either. What the fuck? Seriously. “Maybe you should go up and see if they're still alive,” Gerard adds, lighting a cigarette and handing it over to Mikey.

“Funny, Gee. Really.” He takes a deep drag.

“Liar,” Gerard says fondly.

Mikey sighs. “I don't like this. It makes me nervous,” he admits.

“I know, that's why you need to go up and talk to them.”

“Do you know something I don't?” Mikey asks, suspicion settling in.

“Always,” Gerard answers.

“Sometimes I really don't know why I love you,” Mikey says, taking another drag.

“To be honest? I am waiting for the day you realize how messed up I really am and leave me for someone awesome.”

“We both know that’ll never happen,” Mikey replies softly.

Gerard smiles at him. “Go and try to make this work, yeah?”

Mikey closes his eyes. “Not yet.”


“Soon, okay? Soon.”


Spencer drags William down to breakfast the next morning, well knowing that the Ways will still be asleep. The Ways live in a world where mornings only happen to other people.
He makes William tea and coffee for himself and waits. He doesn't have a game-plan just yet, but he has a vague idea of a game-plan and that has to count for something. He had time to think this whole mess over. Not enough, because a lifetime wouldn't be enough to think all this over, but, well, if he had a lifetime he could talk himself out of this and Spencer doesn't want to talk himself out of this. He knows that this thing with Mikey and William isn't like with Ryan, isn't hopeless.

“I hope you know what you're doing here,” William says, clutching his mug. Spencer doesn't. He follows his gut on this one, like the whole band thing all these years ago and just hopes for the best. The band thing turned out alright. His gut can't be too wrong, then. Of course, Spencer doesn't tell William any of that.

“Yeah, I do.”
They're starting to look for something edible in the cabinets when Gerard emerges from the basement, cigarette between his lips and his hair a mess. He still looks fucking fantastic, Spencer thinks.

“Morning,” William says. He’s trying to hide behind his tea, Spencer thinks.

“Is it still?” Gerard asks, exhaling smoke.


“Morning?” Gerard asks.

William looks at the clock and Spencer follows his gaze. It isn't, in fact. “No,” William answers.
Gerard smiles around his cigarette, inhales smoke, exhales and Spencer can't help staring at his lips. There is something about Gerard that makes you want things.

“There’s coffee,” Spencer says and Gerard looks at him for the first time since he entered the kitchen.

“I might love you, too, Spencer Smith.”
William chokes on a sip of tea. Gerard pours coffee into a cleanish mug. He sits down at the table and leans back in the chair. The pale line of his neck looks vulnerable and inviting. Spencer catches William looking. It's good to know that he isn't the only one affected by Gerard.

“Everyone is,” Mikey says, stumbling into the kitchen. He brushes Gerard's neck with his fingertips on his way to the coffee-pot. The gesture is innocent enough, William thinks, but now that he knows, there isn't anything that won’t have a deeper meaning.

“Everyone is what?” he asks.

“Taken with Gerard at some point in their lives,” Mikey answers, pouring coffee. William watches Gerard take a drag and then holding it out for his brother just as Mikey turns around. The smile on Mikey's lips is one William hasn't seen yet.

“Like everyone’s a sucker for Ross?” William asks.

Gerard laughs. “I can say that I was never a sucker for Ross, and neither was Frank.”

“Frank has a secret crush and you know it,” Mikey answers, inhaling smoke. He closes his eyes and then opens them on an exhale. He hands the cigarette to Gerard again who finishes it with two drags.

“It's something no one talks about, Mikey,” Gerard says, his brother's name such a tender word it makes William shiver. He really wishes Gabe would've said his name like that, just once; but Gabe never has and never will.

“Mikey,” he says, and it sounds different from how Gerard said it, but something in his voice must've given his feelings away anyway, because the room falls silent all of a sudden and everyone is looking at him.

“Well,” Spencer says after a while. “That’s not what I had planed.”

Gerard laughs delighted.

“You had a plan for this?” Mikey asks and isn't even sure what this is.

“I have a plan for everything, Michael, you should know that by now.”

“Oh,, what’s this about again?” Mikey wants to know.

“Isn't it obvious?” Gerard asks, “they're declaring their love.”
William coughs and doesn't look at anyone.

“To me?” Mikey asks.

Gerard gets up then and grabs his hand, so they're touching. “Of course,” he says.

Mikey takes a deep breath. “You know, I have to tell you guys something-”

“We know,” William says softly.

“You know what?” he asks with an edge. Gerard squeezes his hand.

William looks up and at them. “About you two. two.” He sounds a bit helpless, Mikey thinks.

“Oh,” Mikey says. Maybe this is not about them declaring their love, maybe this is something else entirely. Maybe Gee was wrong and maybe this is a disaster waiting to happen.

“Breathe,” Spencer whispers.
Mikey does. It's the only thing he can concentrate on right now. In and out and in again. Gerard is a warm presence at his side. He has no idea what he would do without Gerard being there.
“I won’t say this isn’t fucked up,” Spencer goes on and Mikey feels Gerard tense at his side. Mikey knows his brother is ready to get violent or throw them out or scream or whatever the hell it takes.
William risks a look at them and then just stares at Gerard. Mikey can’t help the smile. He always knew people would come around and see Gerard like he does, but it’s a pleasant surprise every single time nevertheless.

“I can hear a but,” Mikey says softly.

“Because there is one, Michael. But I think we want to try this anyway.”

“With Gerard?” Mikey asks, because he needs to be sure on that one.

“Uhm…” William says, taking a sip of his tea. “We didn’t actually discuss this thing, this possible threesome thing, but…” he glances at Gerard again.

“We’re willing to try,” Spencer adds. He seems to Mikey like he’s battling with himself here. He always thought William would be less okay with this whole thing, but maybe William’s really ready to try something else or seriously messed up by Gabe.

“This isn’t less fucked up than your relationship with Gabe,” Gerard says, and William looks at him. He seems a bit betrayed, but then he relaxes.

“I don’t have a relationship with Gabe. I never did have a relationship with Gabe. I was in love with him and he…” he puts the mug down carefully and balls his hands to fists on the table, “he wasn’t. Isn’t.” There’s a ‘will never be’ between them, but no one needs to say it.

“So, you’re taking your chances here?” Gerard asks. Mikey knows he’s not trying to be cruel, but it seems like that, anyway.

“It’s not like that!” William answers sharply. “Don’t you think I would find something easier than Spencer and Mikey and you? Fucking Gerard Way, god. This is so messed up it’s not even funny anymore. If I wanted something safe, if I could choose, it sure as hell wouldn’t be you.”

“Maybe Spencer, then?” Mikey asks, softly.

“Yes, maybe, but it doesn’t work like that, it doesn’t because there’s you and you come with Gerard. Don’t think we don’t know this. We might be clueless about a lot of things, but, on my part, I have no disillusions about you leaving Gerard.”

“I don’t have any, either,” Spencer says.

“We don’t sleep together,” Gerard throws in.

“Anymore,” William says.

“Right now,” Spencer replies.

Mikey nods. “Right now, it doesn’t mean that we won’t, it doesn’t mean…” he feels helpless all of a sudden, because he never had to explain this before.

“We know, Michael. We know,” Spencer says.

“Does it mean, do you want to be with Gerard, too?” Mikey asks. It is a possibility. It could be, he’s seen how taken William is with Gerard, how everyone is taken with him when they spend enough time with Gerard. He doesn’t begrudge this his brother, he wants this for Gerard.

“No,” Spencer answers.

William bites his lip. “I don’t know,” he confesses.

Mikey nods, he knew that. Somehow it makes sense that William would want to be with them all now, if he could be sure that, well, that they want it, too.
Mikey doesn’t know if Gerard wants this. They always had separate lovers, never shared. They didn’t talk about this, didn’t even consider it before. Mikey knows that Gerard likes William, likes how William looks, but he also knows that Gerard would step down, would give this to him, because he’s Gerard.

“I need more coffee for this, and sugar, and more cigarettes, too,” Gerard says, uncurling from Mikey and making his way to the coffee maker.
So, Mikey thinks, Gerard is going to ponder this and then when they’re talked it over they will be good again. Or on their way there.

Spencer isn’t sure what to think anymore. He guesses he should’ve seen that one coming. With all he knows about William, he really should have; but he somehow didn’t and now, well, now he has no idea what to do with this, because if they should decide to be together... Who would be with Spencer? Spencer thinks he can deal with Mikey being with Gerard, because they’re, at times, one person, but. William too?

“You okay?” William asks.

“I wish you’ve told me earlier.”

“I didn’t know…”

“Bullshit,” Spencer says a bit too sharply.

“I mean I didn’t know it would be okay to want it, but it seems…it seems that Gerard likes me, too.” Spencer wants to say something cutting, like: he will never love you like he loves Mikey, but that wouldn’t help anyone. And, besides, that’s true for everyone. No one loves a person the same way. It’s just not possible. Because every person is different.
Spencer sighs and sits down on the bed. He feels tired and like he can’t possibly deal with this situation. This was not how he planed this, this is as far from his game-plan as it could possibly get. The thing is, Gerard does like William, too.

“He does. He does like you, too.”

William leans against the opposite wall and closes his eyes. “This is really messed up, you know?”

“No one said we weren’t.”

“I don’t want to keep this a secret. You, me, Mikey…even Gerard. I’ve had enough of this. I want to be able to be with someone.”

“You and Gabe weren’t a secret.”

“Me and Gabe weren’t anything,” William answers. It still sounds a bit bitter, but only because William is realizing how much he hurt himself with it. How much he hurt Gabe, too, maybe. “You want to make this work, right?”

“Yeah, I want to make this work.”

“Because it isn’t hopeless,” William answers.

“Because I want this,” Spencer replies. “Because I want you,” he adds.
William’s smile is brilliant.

“So…you like William Beckett,” Mikey says.

Gerard takes a deep drag, exhales and hands the cigarette over to Mikey. “I do. But you saw him first.”

Mikey laughs. “God, what does that have to do with anything?”

“You know if you don’t want to share or anything…”

Mikey knew this of course, but it still makes him warm inside hearing it from Gerard. “I was always good with the sharing, you were, too.” He inhales deeply and waits for Gerard to answer.

“We’ve never shared this, and I don’t mean lovers - but frankly that, too - I mean us. We would share us with him…I’m worried about Spencer,” he adds and it comes a bit out of the left field, but that’s Gerard for you.

“I’m worried about him, too.”

“I’m not sure how to make this work, to be honest…I’m not sure we can make it work, not for all of us.”

“We’ll come up with something. We’re creative like that,” Mikey replies, and he’s absolutely certain of it, too.

Gerard nods. “It won’t be easy,” he says, but it doesn’t mean he isn’t willing to try.

William stumbles over Gerard late at night, or in the early morning hours, it always depends on how you look at it. And fact is that he really stumbles, trips and braces himself against the wall. Handy, those walls. Gerard stirs and looks up at him bleary eyed.

“William Beckett…” he says.

“Gerard,” William answers.

“Why are you up at this hour? What time is it anyway?” he pats his pockets for a smoke and lights it when he finds it.

“Four in the morning. Why are you sleeping on the kitchen floor?”

“I…fell asleep, obviously while I was doing something very creative.”

“Obviously,” William answers with a smile Gerard can’t see. It’s just too dark where there are right now, too far away from the window.

“You going to make coffee?”

“I was thinking about water,” William says.

“Coffee is the only thing worth getting up for, William Beckett.”

“Food is worth it, too, and music, and sex,” he says it without really thinking about it.

“Yeah, sex and music are really worth getting up for,” Gerard answers, taking a drag of his cigarette. William can see the cherry in the dark like some kind of evil firefly.

“Are you getting up now?” he asks.

“You wanna play or have sex?”

“Isn’t that the same?” William wants to know.

“No, it’s really not,” Gerard answers, brushing his fingers against William’s ankle. William’s breath hitches. The want and desire slams into him suddenly, but he doesn’t think he can do this. Not now.
“You seduce people without even knowing it,” Gerard whispers.

“You do, too.”

“Oh, no. I know exactly what I’m doing,” Gerard answers and takes another drag. The silence stretches between them, because William doesn’t know what to say. What can you even answer to that? What he wants to ask is: Did you seduce Mikey like that? But he doesn’t. “I’ll take water as well,” Gerard says after a while. “The delicious smell of coffee will only wake Mikey up.”

William exhales shakily, “Okay.”

It’s stupid really, but Mikey just can’t sleep. He stares at the dark ceiling in his room and counts his breaths until he can’t stop doing it anymore and begins to freak out about it.
He sits up then, because the only thing that helps is to do something to get his brain away from counting his breaths. He lights a cigarette, smokes it by the open window, but that isn’t distracting at all. He freaking counts the inhales and exhales here, too.
Mikey sighs, flips the cigarette out of the window and leaves the room to wander over to the basement.
He’s sure Gerard is still up.
Gerard is still up.

“What are you doing?” he asks softly.
Gerard doesn’t look up from the canvas, but he doesn’t do anything except staring at it intently.

“Trying to find the picture within,” Gerard answers, he looks tired and like he was sitting on the floor for a while now.

“I guess it isn’t working,” Mikey says, sitting down next to him.

“Your genius surprises me every time,” Gerard replies with a smile and a nudge to Mikey’s ribs.

Mikey shrugs. “That’s how I was born.”

“And there’s nothing wrong with that.” Gerard nods for emphasis. “If you can’t sleep you could make Spencer French toast. I know he’s up at unholy hours…”

Mikey leans against his brother’s shoulder. Gerard’s arm feels cold against his skin. “So, what do you see?”

“You. I usually see you,” Gerard answers, softly.

“Ask William to sit for you.”

“Naked?” Gerard grins. Mikey can hear it in his voice.

“Why not? I know you like how he looks.”

“I like him.”

“Well, but you love how he looks.”

“Because there’s something so very seductive about him, about the lines of his body and the curl of his lips and the sound of his steps on hardwood floor.”

“You are seriously creepy on some days.”

“You love me.”

“Everyone loves you,” Mikey answers.

“Not everyone counts as much,” Gerard relies, grabbing his hand and squeezing.

“Do you want some French toast, too?”

“Of course,” Gerard says.

“Uhmmm, isn’t William coming down?” Mikey asks. It’s late already – for William.

“He’s hiding under the blankets again. If you ask me, he’s thinking too much,” Spencer answers, taking a bite of his toast and wondering why Mikey is up already. It’s delicious toast. Delicious self-made French toast. If Spencer wasn’t already in love with Mikey Way he would fall heads over heels for him right this fucking second.

“He always thinks too much, but he doesn’t hide under the blankets for no reason.”

“Well, I have no clue what it is this time. I mean, I could guess and say: you, me, Gerard. You and Gerard, me and him, all of us. This is freaking him out.”

“This is freaking me out, too, you know?”

“The funny thing is that I’m sure you’re the least freaked out about this,” Spencer answers.
Mikey raises an eyebrow in question. Spencer takes a sip of coffee. “You and Gerard just do things, just roll with whatever difficulty arises, you just…are.” He doesn’t have the slightest clue if he’s making any sense, to be honest.

“It’s because we have each other and no matter what we’ll always have that.”

“Even if you fall apart?”

“Like lovers?” Mikey asks with a curious tilt to his head.

“Yeah…” it still freaks Spencer out a bit to think about it. The word incest emblazoned in big fat red letters at the forefront of his brain.

“We don’t fall apart. We…deal.” Mikey nods for emphasis.

“Okay. I can handle that. I can deal with that. I guess. I can’t not, I mean…”

“It’s okay,” Mikey says. “I know you can’t be with Gerard like that, right now. No one will make you.”
Spencer closes his eyes. He knew that, of course. This isn’t like the situation with Ryan where there is only one option, was only one option. This is new and strange and Spencer wants it. Wants it to work.

“Did you share before?”

“No. We never shared anyone and we didn’t share us with anyone, either. This is new for us, as well,” Mikey answers, coming closer and brushing his fingers against Spencer’s cheek. They’re all so careful with each other, he thinks, and right now he just wants. He grabs Mikey’s hand and kisses his knuckles. Mikey sighs. “I wasn’t with anyone except Gerard for years,” he says.

“But you have a reputation.”

Mikey shrugs, “People think what they want to think.”
Which is so very fucking true, Spencer thinks.

William comes down for diner that consists of Chinese take out, so he has to come down to get anything at all. They’re curled up on the couch and he watches for a few moments before he crosses the room to wriggle between Spencer and Mikey.

“We thought the blankets swallowed you,” Spencer says.

“Well, no. Blankets can’t do that,” he answers, grabbing for the fork and the carton on Mikey’s lap.

“I wouldn't be so sure. Strange things are happening all the freaking time,” Gerard says. “I want some of the chicken, too,” he adds and Spencer hands it over. Their fingers brush in the process. Gerard has paint around and under his nails and William can’t look away for a second or two, or more.

“Not that strange.”

“People can disappear in their beds for days,” Mikey throws in and Gerard grins.

“Yeah, they can and sometimes it ends in a lot of happy warm feelings and bruises.”

William chokes on his piece of one vegetable or other. “Are you trying to seduce us?” he asks.

“Is it working?” Gerard wants to know.

“I don’t think you need to try,” Spencer throws in.

“I like to do it,” Gerard replies softly, earnestly.
Mikey leans into him and Gerard smiles. William has no idea what he feels right now. They’re building up to something, but it won’t be as easy as just going to bed with three other people who all want this too.

“Don’t we need to talk about this, make a plan of some sorts?”

“You want a timetable? For who will have sex with who?” Mikey asks.

“I- NO! I don’t want to make a timetable, I just want to know…I don’t know!” he puts the carton on the table and leans his head against the sofa, staring at the ceiling.

“Here, this is how we do this,” Gerard says some two minutes later. William turns his head to look at him. Gerard is holding up a napkin that says: You can sleep with any and all of the following people: Mikey, Gerard, Spencer, William.”

“Uhm…why is my name there too?”

“Because you totally can jerk off as well for your pleasure or someone else’s,” Gerard answers earnestly.

“Gerard likes to watch,” Mikey chirps in.

Gerard’s cheeks colour a faint pink. It’s kind of adorable, William thinks.
“Oh, okay…”

“I can make one for all of us…if someone else wants one,” Gerard says.

“I don’t think I need one,” Spencer answers laughing.

“I don’t need one either, but you can make one anyway. You can put glitter on it, too,” Mikey says, his face totally serious.
The Ways, William thinks, are so freakishly strange. It’s like they’re living in their own world with their own rules and that world sometimes brushes the one the rest of them are living in. He also thinks he likes that world a lot.

William reaches out and grabs the napkin. “I’m keeping this one.”

“It’s only a draft, I can make you a better one,” Gerard replies.

“No, I like this one,” William says and leans over Mikey to grab Gerard by his hair. Gerard goes easily, a small smile on his lips that William kisses away.


William rolls his shoulders in an attempt to loosen them up. Sitting still for 20 minutes at a time is hard work if you are used to bouncing and strutting around.

“You okay?” Gerard asks softly.

William nods. He is okay. “Yeah, it’s just a bit strange, is all.” It is strange to be sitting for Gerard naked. Okay, so Gerard is painting him in profile from behind, but still. He’s naked with Gerard fully clothed in the room. It wasn’t a turn-on before for William, but it is now. Sexuality and kinks and preferences are in motion, are fluid around Gerard.

“You wanna take a break and walk around a bit?” Gerard wants to know.

“Uhm…could you get me some water?”

“Sure,” Gerard answers, but doesn’t get up, he grabs the phone and sends a text.

“You just told Mikey to get down here, didn’t you?”

Gerard shrugs. “He knows I’m working and I bet he was just hanging out, listening to music, reading, playing guitar, doing stuff on twitter…”

William turns a bit to look at him. “Playing guitar and reading are important things.”

“I know…”


“So what?” Gerard challenges.
There’s something William doesn’t know. He frowns.

Mikey enters without knocking in that moment. “Got your water. How is it going?”

“Slow, William is discussing my habits of exploiting you,” Gerard answers.

Mikey laughs, brushing his fingers against Gerard’s neck as he crosses the room to hand William the water bottle. “Really? I bet it’s fascinating,” he says. Their fingers brush and William looks up at Mikey. He’s turned away slightly to be able to look at Gerard, a smile curling around his lips. Soft and tender and amused.
And here he is, naked and willing and Mikey still only has eyes for Gerard…maybe he has more issues than he likes to admit. He takes a sip of water and puts the bottle down on the floor carefully.

“You have no idea, it’s fucking thrilling,” Gerard answers, amused as well. “He’s also trying to loosen up the knots in his shoulders.”

“Amateur,” Mikey sighs, turning.

William feels pinned under his gaze. “Try to not mess him up too badly, okay?” Gerard says with a laugh in his voice.

“You can work on it tomorrow,” Mikey answers, he brushes his fingers against William’s jaw and William’s breath hitches. “You are pretty,” he says in the split second before he leans down to kiss William. Before William can do much more than blink he has a lapful of Mikey Way. Mikey’s pants drag against William’s skin. William can’t see Gerard’s face, but Mikey’s words from a few weeks ago are echoing in his mind: Gerard likes to watch..
William’s hands curl around Mikey’s small form, his fingers bunch the soft worn t-shirt as he holds on. He can feel Mikey smile against his skin.

Mikey grinds down and William moans. “I really, really want to suck your dick right now,” he whispers and William bites his lips. He can hear Gerard’s breath hitch. “You think that would help loosen you up a bit?”

“Would Gerard like that?” he presses out.

Mikey drags his lips across William’s neck and then looks up. “This is about you,” he says earnestly. He kisses William on the lips gently before adding: “There is no room for jealousy or shame in my bedroom.”

“Or the studio or the kitchen or the sofa in the living room, either,” Gerard throws in.

Mikey smiles, “Schematics, but I think you get the picture, don’t you William?”

William nods and Mikey kisses him hard before he slides slowly to his knees. William closes his eyes.

Spencer knows how two people look who had sex. How they behave around each other. William and Gerard so had sex.

“So…you and Gerard had sex,” Spencer says in the darkness of the room. He hears William turn to face him, not that he can see much, what with it being night and all. And, besides, sometimes it’s better not so see someone’s face.


Spencer thinks about asking how it was. Can he even ask about how it was? Is that okay? Is that within the boundaries they’re setting?
“Okay,” he answers.

“Spencer?” William asks. His voice small in the dark of the guest room.


“You okay with this?”

“I have no idea. This isn’t how I imagined it.” But life is hardly ever like you imagined it. He didn’t think he and Ryan would fall apart, either, that the band they did everything for, would fall apart. And it happened anyway.

“If you believe it or not, this isn’t what I imagined, either. I never thought about Gerard that way before, or about Mikey before he started to hang out with us – this is all Gabe’s fault. I just don’t know yet if I’m pissed off or not.”

“Because they care,” Spencer answers.

“Because you care. All of you.”

Spencer keeps silent, what do you say to that anyway? He hears William getting up and makes room for him. William is bony like Ryan, but bigger and his hair is longer. He smells like tea and second-hand smoke. And soap. Something fruity.
Spencer gives in and snuggles close. William doesn’t say anything.

There is coffee when Mikey stumbles into the kitchen. Blessed coffee. He walks like a zombie, mindlessly to the mug Spencer hands over with an amused smile.

“Hard night?”

“Gerard was feeling restless,” Mikey answers, taking a sip before he even sits down.

“You wanna talk about it?”

“Don’t know. He gets like this, sometimes, when he’s planning something. Something big.”

“Like The Black Parade?”
Mikey nods and takes another sip.

“I bet it’ll be glorious,” William says from the door, yawning.

“It always is,” Mikey answers.
William smiles at him, crosses the kitchen, brushing a kiss to Mikey’s head and heading for the tea-pot that is in use far more often now that they are-“hmm, we’re living together,” Mikey says.

“Yeah, kind of…” Spencer replies.

“For a while now,” William throws in, rummaging in the cupboard with tea. Holy shit, they have a cupboard with tea and there’s tea inside. Like, ten different kinds of it.

“Are you freaked out?” Spencer asks, gently.

“Maybe?” Mikey isn’t sure. “The thing that freaks me out is that I didn’t even notice.”

Spencer takes Mikey’s head in his hands and makes him look at him. “It’s gonna be okay,” he says and then leans in to kiss Mikey. He tastes like coffee, sharp and sweet.

“Well, that’s unexpectedly hot,” Gerard says from the door. Mikey didn’t even hear him. Spencer blushes and it’s adorable.

“Don’t tease,” William says softly.

“I’m not,” Gerard answers with a smile.



Sequel-thingy here: Tonight (I wanna be saved by you)