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wei wuxian @yilinglaozu

got ma paycheck, im gonna get a used roomba

xxc @xingchen

thank u for adopting *praying hands emoji*

wen qing @drwen

wait what

wei wuxian @yilinglaozu


[picture of two roombas with knives taped to their tops and balloons taped to their backs, they appear to be sparing]

wen qing @drwen

NO !!!!!!

Instagram Post by yanli

[black and white picture of mianmian sitting on a clear chair in the corner of an art gallery]

comment: *triple heart smiley emoji*

*chick emoji* @luoqingyang

[picture of an orange and white anime hamster ready to dig into a bowl of rice.  The rice is topped with 2 small pink hearts.  The background is full of every pink heart emoji that exists.  The hamster is blushing]

group chat titled: yunmeng hero trio

wwx:   :o

       are congratulations in order?

jyl:   *embarrassed emoji*

       not yet ,,

       i didn’t know how to bring it up *sigh emoji*

wwx:   you just went out today! you should have just been like “its a date!”

       and like! held hands

jyl:   like you and lan wangji? *eyebrow waggle kaomoji*

wwx:   yeah ….


jc:    i feel ur pouty energy radiating through phone

wwx:   i am not pouty !!

       and if i am , its ADORABLE and you SHUD pay attn to me

jc:    *unimpressed emoji*

jyl:   a-xian, have you spoken to lan wangji recently?

wwx:   no, not rly, why

jyl:   a-yang was asking

wwx:   a-yang *eyebrow waggle kaomoji*

jc:    a yang *eyebrow waggle kaomoji*

jyl:   hush!!

*bunny emoji* @bichen

maybe if i stare at the message app , it will. magically write a message and send it

*bunny emoji* @bichen

asked brother if phone could send messages without you typing it out and pressing send and he just went “siri”

*bunny emoji* @bichen

cant believe my brother who is scared of the washing machine came up with that retort

*bunny emoji* @bichen

[picture of a cartoon white rabbit plush against a pink background.  It looks forlorn] [screen cap of an unsent message to wei ying. In the typing box it says “wei ying talk to me”. The rest of the screen is blank.]

Text from xichen ge

lxc:   wangji, is something wrong?

lwj:   what do you mean?

lxc:   you seem a little off

lwj:   was it the siri thing? brother, you can’t feel too proud of that until you stop being scared of the washing machine

lxc:   it has so many buttons!!! what do they do!

lwj:   they’re for different fabrics and such.

lxc:   absolutely confounding

lwj:   wei ying would make fun of you for it

       it is such a first world, privileged person problem

lxc:   ahh

       did you and wei ying have a fight, is that it?

lwj:   no

       we’re fine

       i think

lxc:   you think?

lwj:   its nothing

lxc:   you did leave early at qinghe

       and he seemed rather quiet

       are you having trouble in your relationship?

lwj:   no. it’s great.

lxc:   are you sure

       i don’t think you’ve spoken to him in a while

lwj:   *raised eyebrow emoji*

lxc:   you get a Look on your face when you text or talk to him

lwj:   Look??


lwx:    its just very obvious you are quite smitten

lwj:   can he tell? *distressed emoji*

lxc:   … can your boyfriend tell that you’re in love with him?

lwj:   playing hard to get keeps the relationship spicy.

lxc:   ah

       i hope so

       i’ll have words with him if he doesnt

       why aren’t you speaking?

lwj:   its nothing, we’re both just busy

lxc:   its important to find time !

lwj:   how

lxc:   hm

       mingjue and i go to the gym together every friday

lwj:   okay…

lxc:   what i’m saying is ; make time!

lwj:   okay


lxc:   anything for my baby brother *triple heart smiley emoji* *blowing kiss emoji x2*

lwj:   *embarrassed emoji* *pleased emoji*

*bunny emoji* @bichen

“okay” i say as though i havent spent 45 minutes staring at an empty message typing bar


huaisang @secondnie

i think points were made

[picture of lan wangji looking striking in a silver patterned suit jacket and black bowtie] [picture of a white bunny wearing a black bowtie]

wei wuxian @yilinglaozu

I AGREE!!!!!

wwx @suibian

OOOooooOooOoOoOoOooooooOh no

Quote Retweet:

huaisang @secondnie

i think points were made

[picture of lan wangji looking striking in a silver patterned suit jacket and black bowtie] [picture of a white bunny wearing a black bowtie]

wwx @suibian

i mis s s him noo

wwx @suibian

[obviously the same picture of lan wanji as before but cropped to be a head shot] [a picture of a black cat jumping when startled.  It is surrounded by pink heart emojis of all types and a zoom in effect has been added]

wwx @suibian

i think ,, Kith

[a picture of an emoji with flirty eyes, a w mouth, a hand, and a cowboy hat] [another crop of the lan wangji picture, this time to only show his face]

Text from jiang cheng

jc:    its been a while since someone of importance brought up your name

wwx:   hain?

       what did i do

       i didn’t do anything

       lan zhan didnt even invite me to this event :(

       did you go?

       i miss him



jc:    i really cannot stand you.

wwx:   then sit

jc:    no i did not go to any event

       i’m talking about my interview with lan yi

wwx:   oooooooh

       how did it go

       wait how am i involved

       ive never met the woman in my life ever

jc:    i genuinely do not understand how u can steamroll me in text conversation

wwx:   ah



jc:    we’ll get back to your insufferable crush on lan wangji later

       so lan yi

       a little birdy told me to ask her about wen corp

wwx:   u know hauisang will absolutely be giddy with delight at the prospect of being called birdy

       is that ur term of endearment for him

       its cute

jc:    u know what nvm im out

wwx:   nooooooo come back i wanna know about wen corp *fountain of tears kaomoji*

jc:    u dont deserve to know

wwx:   pls pls pls *zipper mouth emoji*

jc:    .

wwx:   *zipper mouth emoji*

jc:    so i asked about the wen corp and their legal proceedings

wwx:   *hand emoji*

jc:    yes?

wwx:   sorry, question

       what legal proceedings

jc:    oh, wen corp is being tried by the state for tax evasion as well as their work practices and violations of labour rights

       its been going on for a year now

       i’m surprised you didn’t know?

wwx:   right right right

       well a) a bit busy here with like. surviving

       b) didnt i see wen rouhan at the jim estate gathering? im pretty sure i blamed him for global warming

       whats he doing out and about

jc:    lmao

       since when do corporations ever get treated like actual criminals?

wwx:   *sick face emoji x2*

jc:    anyway

       which is why i brought it up bc while theyre tryna keep it hush hush , Shes tryna bring it out in the public spotlight

       so i asked her what she had in store and she basically implied she had a lot of dirt on the main family and they can enjoy their time now bc she was going to make them go to jail personally

       and then she talked about how i’d know how vicious wen chao could be considering what he did to my family

wwx:   lmao didnt they seal his record

jc:    nah he wasnt a juvie when he

       u know

wwx:   i don’t know :P i literally have no recollection

jc:    *unamused face emoji*

       its for the best

       it wasnt pretty

wwx:   hm i always thought so

       but now i wonder if lan zhan and i were close during that time

jc:    right


       can you please put us all out of our suffering and either ask him out or get over it

wwx:   I TRIED !!


       MWAH !

jc:    *sick emoji*

       from what i remember, you just riled him up alot

wwx:   yeah


jc:    rip

wwx @suibian

annoyance is an emotion

[photo of a cat walking through snow that is deeper than the cat is tall]

wwx @suibian

u cud say he has strong emotions towards me,,,

*bunny emoji* @bichen

wei ying-less event was so boring , i astral projected to another plane of existence where i am hanging out with wei ying instead

*bunny emoji* @bichen

ive never had an issue with plus ones not being allowed until now

*bunny emoji* @bichen

i know he is busy but . i feel that he Must know about what uncle said about the separation of religion and state

Text from lan zhan

lwj:   hello

       are you back home from work?

wwx:   lan zhan !!


       i’m on the bus *crying kaomoji*

       it was late

       i only have a couple of hours before the bar gig so im just going to go there str8 away

lwj:   ah

       have you eaten?

wwx:   yes *cutesy yelling kaomoji*

lwj:   good *pleased emoji*

wwx:   aww i got a widdle emoji out of u

       *triple heart smiley emoji x3*

       aren’t you at that event?

lwj:   i left

       it was boring

wwx:   of course it was !! E Y E wasnt there !

lwj:   yes that’s why

wwx:   hahaha

       im kidding

       any juicy stuff happen? *eyes emoji*

lwj:   gossip is bad

wwx:   its not gossip, ur just spitting straight facts!!

       please this bus ride is an hour long

lwj:   it was more business, there were presentations and speeches and such

wwx:   hey lan zhan

lwj:   hm?

wwx:   what exactly do you do?

       idk why ive never really asked that

       i just assumed you were part of your family business, doin leisurely second heir stuff

       but like

       do you have a job title

lwj:   oh

       i dont work for the family business

       not really

wwx:   wait what

       what ????

       wait so you just ? dont do anything? bc i havent seen you do any other job

lwj:   its summer

       im a teacher

       i’m off

wwx:   YOU’RE A TEACHER ???


lwj:   i assumed it came up your google search in the beginning of this courtship

wwx:   haha courtship

       dude that google search was bare bones

       u barely have an online footprint

       what do you teach??? where do you teach?

lwj:   music

       cloud reccesses

wwx:   lan wangji

lwj:   ?

wwx:   you never cease to amaze me

lwj:   hhdehe

       i mean. my phone slipped

wwx:   okay wait

       if you don’t work for your family company

       why do you have to go to all these events you hate??

lwj:   i used to work for the company and i still show up to show face to clients I acquired

       only during breaks and i didn’t particularly mind

wwx:   you minded enough to hire a gremlin

lwj:   i don’t mind the work

       my brother doesn’t expect much of me in that regard with the company and it was honestly mostly to show face

       then we partnered with the jins on a project and then another and suddenly this Jin Guang Yao Person became a permanent fixture in my brothers life

wwx:   admittedly, the guy is annoying but

       why do You hate him *eyes emoji*

       and “he’s shady” isnt an answer

lwj:   i don’t vibe with him

wwx:   that’s not an answer either

       lan zhaaan

       come on

       aren’t we partners in crime *puppy dog eyes emoji*

       *puppy dog eyes emoji x3*

lwj:   alright

       a) jin enterprises has questionable ethics. they constantly toe the line of what is morally right and they constantly find loopholes and its just. gross and underhanded and i hate it

       b) jin guangyao is in love with my brother and He Can’t Have Him .

wwx:   a) yikes

       b) doesn’t zewujun like him back? they seem close

lwj:   a) yes, its why i quit

       b) no, my brother is just really friendly but if jgy asked him out, he would agree to try it out bc he likes jgy as a friend and then jgy wud convince him theyre in love because hes a manipulative little tapeworm

wwx:   a) i understand wanting to quit but wouldn’t you have been more helpful from the inside? you have actual power in the company and you could have changed things

       b) yea i get it hes real smarmy and also ,, not to get weird but i think ur brother and nie mingjue mad cute

lwj:   a) one person against an entire industry? impossible

       b) i just want the best for my brother. him and nie mingjue are close and sometimes i thought they were more but my brother is too oblivious of his own actions

wwx:   a) attempt the impossible, lan zhan!! i believe in you!

       b) is it weird that i ship them

lwj:   a) i tried but i could only go as far as our own company and even then, we have a council of board members who are more,,, traditional

       b) yes it is but i’ve accepted that you are a bit of a weirdo and like you regardless

wwx:   a) okay i can understand how that can be exhausting. are you happy with your teacher gig?

       b) y-you like m-m-me ? *puppy dog eyes emoji* *fingers poking together emojis*

lwj:   a) yes, i love you

       a) sorry, i meant i love it. the job

       b) yes

wwx:   a) thats great!!!


lwj:   friends

wwx:   friends *handshake emoji*

       come on lan zhan

       you can’t say you like me and not be my friend

lwj:   okay

       we’re friends

wwx:   *cutesy yelling kaomoji x3*

wwx @suibian


wwx @suibian

probably not That much considering how reluctant he was to say we were friends but still!!!!!!

wwx @suibian

i will take what i can get !! i will be the goodest friend !!

group chat titled: *mischievous kaomoji*

lwj:   i have made a new friend

nhs:   omg

mm:    i’m so proud of u

sl:    who is it? :o

lwj:   wei wuxian

sl:    .

nhs:   ..

mm:    bitch what

lwj:   he enthusiastically informed my today that we are Friends

       i’m glad its been clarified

sl:    i cannot believe wwx actually thinks ur just bros

nhs:   good god

       the sheer idiocy has me at a loss for words

mm:    bleh just ask him out

lwj:   no

mm:    *cutesy fists up kaomoji*

lwj:   *cutesy fists up yelling kaomoji*

mm:    *judgmental kaomoji*

lan wangji @hanguangjun

[picture of a headline reading: Man Who Thought He’d Lost All Hope Loses Last Additional Bit Of Hope He Didn’t Even Know He Still Had]

lan xichen @zewujun

wangji, are you okay??

lan wangji @hanguangjun

wrong acc

*bunny emoji* @bichen

this is absolutely fine , i just need to sit with the rabbits for a while

*bunny emoji* @bichen

sizhui has decided to join me , we are having a rabbit day, no one talk us , we Bonding


Text from song lan

sl:    so

       i hear you and lan zhan are “friends”

wwx:   screw that, wheres my roommate *knife emoji*

sl:    i haven’t a clue what ur talking about

wwx:   dont think i dont see what u are doing

       and i wont allow it

       we need him for rent

       unless u become his sugar daddy and pay our rent for us

       *eyebrow waggle kaomoji*

sl:    … are you prostituting xingchen??

wwx:   only for u and with his consent

sl:    i’m going to date him

wwx:   u cant

sl:    why not

       some of us aren’t cowards

wwx:   bc

       u cant

song lan @songlan

wei wuxian is homophobic

proof: i am gay and he is inconveniencing me

wei wuxian @yilinglaozu

this is slander and i will take u to court for ur sexy sexy money

wei wuxian @yilinglaozu

@xingchen say goodbye to your most intimate friend

xxc @xingchen

[picture of a brown and white dog in a giant plant pot. words in comic sans are pasted around the screen. they say “am plant “no bork today” ”am doin a grow”]

song lan @songlan

*cutesy heart eyes kaomoji*

[picture of a brown teddy bear surrounded by heart emojis of all types, flower emojis of all types and some rainbow and sparkle emojis] [a picture of xingchen in a blue collared shirt open over a white tshirt.  He is sitting in a cafe booth and smiling coyly under a white ballcap that is covering his eyes]

wei wuxian @yilinglaozu

i know who that is !!! u cant hide from me !

group chat titled: burial mounds

wwx:   ig we need to look for a new housemate :(

xxc:   yeah :( we’ll miss you when you move in with lan wangji



xxc:   *ear emoji*

wwx:   we’re friends , u and song lan went on a DATE

xxc:   yeah ,, one date , u and lan wangji are practically coparenting

wwx:   u know u what

       be quiet

xxc:   *pleased emoji*

wei wuxian @yilinglaozu

all the rich do is steal !

song lan @songlan

i dont even know how to pick a lock

wei wuxian @yilinglaozu

wait rly? but that’s just a life skill *blank face emoji*

wen qing @drwen

ok felon.

wei wuxian @yilinglaozu

rich oomfs, make my day and tell me something embarrassingly common that u cant do

lan wangji @hanguangjun

my brother doesn’t know how to use our expensive washing machine. sometimes, even the smart fridge

lan xichen @zewujun

wangji!! *fountain of tears kaomoji*

huaisang @secondnie


lan xichen @zewujun

look at all this !!!

[picture of an incredibly complicated looking front of a washing machine.  there are many, many buttons]

wei wuxian @yilinglaozu

seems easy enough

lan xichen @zewujun

*crying kaomoji*

wei wuxian @yilinglaozu

@hanguangjun altho,, smart fridge? im judging you

lan wangji @hanguangjun

i know how to fill the ice cube tray with water and freeze it instead of using the automatic option

wei wuxian @yilinglaozu

oh well in THAT case , thats very sexy of you

wei wuxian @yilinglaozu

are u sure i cant [pulls shirt off shoulder] tempt u to join us commoners

jiang cheng @wanyin

i didn’t know you could mend clothes again ,, i just thought once u got a tear thats it,, poor cloth Dead

wei wuxian @yilinglaozu


wei wuxian @yilinglaozu

yall rly lived like that *sobbing emoji* *hand emoji*

*chick emoji* @luoqingyang

at least i know how to use the washing machine

lan xichen @zewujun


*chick emoji* @luoqingyang

i can teach u

lan xichen @zewujun


Text from   mingjue

lxc:   i am being bullied on twitter dot com

nmj:   get them suspended

lxc:   mingjue no

nmj:   xichen yes

lxc:   this is just unfair

       the washing machine is a horrible demon

       and the smart fridge!

       jingyi once tried to use twitter on it!

nmj:   there there

       why are you worrying about it

       you’re not becoming a housewife anytime soon are you?

lxc:   well … no

nmj:   then?

lxc:   is being able to do laundry something people expect from their partners? *puppy dog eyes emoji*

       am i going to be forever alone because i dont know how to bleach clothes?

nmj:   you’re not going to be forever alone *roll eyes emoji*

       besides isnt partnership about ,, partnership

lxc:   astute observation

nmj:   I MEAN

       just get ur partner to do the laundry

       while you , idk, vacuum

lxc:   huh

       can you do laundry

nmj:   yes

lxc:   thats just unfair.

nmj:   ????

lxc:   ur just gonna be just as successful as me but also be able to do housework??

       not fair

nmj:   boo hoo :P

       i had to raise huaisang and he was a messy toddler

       you learn things

lxc:   i had to help raise wangji!!

       ok he wasnt a messy child

       ok push comes to shove i’ll just marry you :D

       come to think of it, we’d work well together :o

       haha thats weird


nmj:   yeah


       *peace sign emoji*

wen chao @chaos

who cares if we can’t do certain things? that’s what workers are for. everyone has their place and some are lower than others and you people just need to accept that. *eye roll emoji*

wen chao @chaos

not @ a son of a whore talking like he knows anything

jiang cheng @wanyin

@TwitterSupport abusive language!

wen chao @chaos

@wanyin i’m going to kill you, i got locked out of my account

jiang cheng @wanyin

*distressed emoji*

jiang cheng @wanyin

@TwitterSupport threats of violence!!

huaisang @secondnie

i cannot believe yall quote rting wen chao on my tl but someone got him suspended so i can’t read the original tweet

wei wuxian @yilinglaozu

i have a recording, youtube “dogs barking” its the same thing

jiang cheng @wanyin

@yilinglaozu dont insult dogs like that :/

jiang cheng @wanyin

u ever just wanna suspend someone irl?

huaisang @secondnie

murder ,,, you’re implying murder

jiang cheng @wanyin


huaisang @secondnie

you know, i think i’m tired of da-ge being single. partner applications open:

[a broody picture of nie mingjue. He is wearing a dark suit jacket with a black turtleneck under it. He is looking down and away from the camera.  There is a dragonfly pin on his left lapel.  He looks gorgeous.]

[picture of a small orange cat in front of a tiny cat-sized laptop.  there is a tiny glass of what looks like a latte with a straw next to it and a pair of round green sunglasses also in the frame.]

nie mingjue @redblademaster


huaisang @secondnie

MAKE ME !!!!

huaisang @secondnie

da-ge changed the wifi password, jokes on him, i have 5G. serious applicants only!

jiangcheng @wanyin

dude why do you wanna die today

huaisang @secondnie

bored. i will cause problems on purpose


wei wuxian @yilinglaozu

if you can’t outsmart your opponent, the only option left is to outstupid them

wei wuxian @yilinglaozu

do the wildest , off the wall shit. they wont see it coming.

*cherry blossom emoji* @yanli

… whats this about

wei wuxian @yilinglaozu

*halo emoji*

wwx @suibian

some ppl honest to god think i wont spit on their food,, bold assumptions ,

wwx @suibian

i want to quit ,, Can I Please Quit

wwx @suibian

no i cant im a drop out with a criminal record , xoxo AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 wwx @suibian

im having an existential crisis

[a picture of a white cartoon bunny in a pink hat. it is lying in bed with a cloth on its forehead, staring at the ceiling]

wwx @suibian

i think its time 4 drinking .

wwx @suibian

i will be Responsible and ask the wen qing n wen ning if they wanna come with

Instagram Post by drwen

[picture of wei wuxian with his head down on a restaurant table.  There are various dishes around him and someone has piled some selections of food on his head. A hand is toasting him with a shot glass of clear liquor.]

Comment: here’s to existential dread *beer emoji* *flushed emoji*

Text from lan zhan

wwx:   lan zhan i want to see my little boy

       lan zhan

       my little boy

       the seratonin is important

       oh waitt

       its like 2 am haha rip


       i hope u put ur phone on silent while sleeping

lwj:   wei ying

       sizhui is asleep

wwx:   *fountain of tears kaomoji*

       thats good

       a good bo y

lwj:   [picture of a well loved brown bunny plushie on a rumpled bed]

       theres this




lwj:   it’s sizhuis

wwx:   not enough

       show me my other little boy

lwj:   ?

wwx:   you !!

       hahaha *heart eyes kaomoji*


wwx:   i mean u dont have to

       i miss u tho :(

lwj:   i see you went out drinking

       are you okay?

wwx:   i ’m home !! worry not, lan zhan!

       i even have the room to myself bc xingchen is like

       really datingg

       but im happy for him!!!

       he seems happy !

       god i wish that was me e


       go to sleep :o

lwj:   [mirror selfie of lwj completely swaddled in a white comforter.  The phone is just peaking out of a hole at face height]

wwx:   LOOK AT T U


lwj:   what.

wwx:   u look cozy

       go back to sleep

       sorry for waking u :(((

lwj:   its okay

       i dont mind being woken up by you

wwx:   haaaaaa


       are you asleep

lwj:   not really

wwx:   why not

lwj:   well i did just get startled awake at two in the morning so theres that

wwx:   im soweeeyyy

       i’ll stop bothering u, go back to slee p *sigh emoji*

lwj:   why are you awake

       dont you have a shift tomorrow

wwx:   urhg


       dont remind me of that lan zhan

       i jsut downed an unreasonable amount of alcohol to not think of that

lwj:   why

wwx:   hhfhfhfffvk

       well okay

       wait u shud sleep

lwj:   im emotionally invested now

wwx:   haaaaahaha

       ur funnt y lan zhan

       i know i shud be grateful to Have A Job

       considering u kno

       the economy and stuff

       but also

       must we work menial job s?

       can we e not simply lie on the florr and stare up at the sky , filled with existential dread because life seems so stagnent t an d the thought that this ia how we’re spending life is so terrifying



lwj:   yes, wei ying, i know

wwx:   okay

       that being said

       [a picture of a cat laying tummy up in a white porcelain sink. It is staring off into the distance blankly]

lwj:   i see

       why dont you try to find another, more fulfilling job?


       honestly like what wud i even do

       plus i have a criminal recoed [clow n noises]

       with my experience i cud MAAYBEE do management at a service or retail store but . unlikely

       but that sounds. absolutely dreadful

       im not strong enough, lan zhan

       not brave enough

lwj:   didn’t you want to be an architect?

wwx:   ………..

       yea when i was a babie

       how do You know that

lwj:   you told me

       you even showed me some designs, you were really good even at 17

wwx:   huh ?

       i have no recollection of this

lwj:   wei ying you have no recollection of most of our time together

       trust me

wwx:   yeah okay but like

       hello? i dont even have a hs graduation degree

       and university is Expensive and even with the money i earn from two jobs, i wuldnt be able to pay tuition AND survive

       have i mentioned how for profit education are leeches

lwj:   you have

       okay wait

wwx:   what r u doing

       la n zhaaan

lwj:   researching

wwx:   HAAAIANNN??


lwj:   mhm

wwx:   *angry emoji* *swearing emoji x3* *angry emoji* *swearing emoji* *angry emoji* *swearing emoji* *angry emoji* *swearing emoji*

lwj:   i think if we continue our partnership, you can save enough for a secondary education diploma

       you’re smart, you’ll be able to get a scholarship

wwx:   hah s ee about that

       the partner ship is. Weird now

lwj:   oh

wwx:   I MEAAAN

       like we’re homies


       its weird to take money for that now

       u know ?

       now its just me helpin a bro out :D

       no financial incentives needed :D

lwj:   no

wwx:   ?!!,!,

lwj:   take the money

wwx:   owo am i ur charity case

lwj:   no

       redistributing wealth.



lwj:   i do pay my taxes and i’m kind of offended you would think i don’t

wwx:   ur ridiculous

lwj:   mhm

wwx:   truly


lwj:   oh look i need to go on some dates


       are you free

wwx:   i am not nearly drunk enough to not see past ur little scheme

lwj:   i have never done anything duplicitous in my life.

wwx:   ah lan han

       ur lucky ur sooooo cute

       i let you get away with this and we can pretend this didnt happen tomorrow when i wake up hungover

       altho knowing my track record with my memory i wont have to pretend haha

       ok serotonin recieved

       go to sleep

       as will i

lwj:   okay

       sleep well

wwx:   uh huh

       thanks for waking up for me :P

lwj:   no problem

wwx:   *blowing kiss emoji*

wwx @suibian

i care lan zhan so much

[a picture of a small black bat clinging to and wrapped around a pink bunny plushie]

*bunny emoji* @bichen

i just want to take care of you

[picture of the white zootopia bunny in a pool of water nuzzling up against another animal that is just peeking over a rock. the bunny’s ears are down and it looks somewhat distressed and a little wistful]

wwx @suibian

a h . i am awake.this is why i dont drink so much anymore

wwx @suibian


[screen cap of a lock screen. the background is a grey kitten wrapped in a grey blanket. there are notifications for 6 missed calls from “diner manager” and a text from “diner manager” reading “where are you you’re late to your shift, this is com…”]

wwx @suibian


wwx @suibian


wwx @suibian

[a picture of a grey kitten on a white background. the picture has been edited so that the kitten is holding a silver gun under its chin.]

wei wuxian @yilinglaouzu

stop mean to me !!

[a picture of a tiny orange and white kitten curled with its head down on a floor of broken concrete. It is wedged in a corner between a concrete wall and a concrete step.]

*cherry blossom emoji* @yanli

:o ?

*cherry blossom emoji* @yanli

who mean to a-xian?

[a picture of a cat’s face looming over the camera in a very dutch angle. a gun has been edited into the picture and is pointing threateningly at the viewer.]

group chat titled: yunmeng hero trio

wwx:   [picture of a dude looking pretty blank faced. words have been edited on top “I may not show it *100% emoji* but i am so close to giving up i am unhappy. i am in genuin pain. all i do is stay silent. i want it to stop”]

jyl:   [picture of a cartoon cat. human hands cocking a gun have been edited on top of it]

       what happened

wwx:   i’m fr abt to lose this dining gig

       i overslept and im on thin fucking ice and the work environment is a disaster

       time to spin the minimum wage wheel to apply for a new job

jc:    we have job openings

wwx:   HAAAA

       thank u

       but no

jyl:   i understand *puppy dog eyes emoji*

wwx:   *sigh emoji*

       hehe i told lan zhan abt it and he told me to get my secondary education degree

jc:    thats a good idea

wwx:   I do Not Have Time

jc:    You Will Once You Quit The Dining Job

wwx:   Then How Will I Pay Rent . And Eat

       wait come to think of it


jyl:   *intrigued emoji*

wwx:   what i’ve saved so far Shud be enough for a couple of months if i keep the bartending job

       the sudden influx of cash from lan zhan helped


       thinking thinky thoughts

jyl:   you should follow ur dreams!!!!!

       considering the biased system we exists in !!! a degree will help !!!!!! :D

wwx:   never heard smn point out the flaw in the system with such cheer

jyl:   you know the system , u play the system *I want to touch that kaomoji*

jc:    as much as i hate to say this

       ur like

       smart or whatever

       it should be easy for you

       the only reason u dropped out was because of that zixun brat

wwx:   u think i’m smart? *puppy dog eyes emoji*

jc:    shut the fuck up

       you KNOW ur smart

       dont make me say it again

wwx:   but its music to my ears

jc:    *dead eyed stare kaomoji*

wei wuxian @yilinglaozu

me doing research on how to get back into academia versus realizing, once again, that the education system has been hijacked by for profit business

[picture of a small orange cat in front of a tiny cat-sized laptop.  there is a tiny glass of what looks like a latte with a straw next to it and a pair of round green sunglasses also in the frame.]

[picture of a cat resting on an orange sofa. it is wearing some sort of black shirt . it looks appalled and dismayed]

*cherry blossom emoji* @yanli

you got this !!


Text from da ge

nmj:   u r lurking


nhs:   *eyes emoji*


       shit is about to hit the fan :D

nmj:   .

nhs:   i’m gonna leak the evidence

nmj:   i thought

       if you got any evidence

       we would go to the police

nhs:   dage, ur belief in the justice system is absolutely quaint and adorable

       a) if we submit the evidence as Real People, people will connect it to us and it can be spun that we’re only trying to get our competitors arrested

       b) this wasn’t ,, exactly aquired ,,,,, Legally

nmj:   .

       nie huaisang

nhs:   YOU told me to get more involved with the company

       though ur an ailing old man about to pass *rolling eyes emoji*



nmj:   WHAT BABY

nhs:   ME

       dage please ur blood pressure *distressed emoji*

nmj:   *unimpressed emoji*

nhs:   u’d be so much more relaxed if u just

nmj:   just. what.

nhs:   im leaving the house no w!!!

       i am outside the house


nmj:   DRIVE SAFELY I WILL BE HERE WHEN U GET B A CK *furious emoji*



A Legit News Source @news

BREAKING: Bombshell anonymous leaks show evidence against Wen Corp including malpractice and severe labour law violation. Other major companies implicated, such as Jin Enterprises and Lan Co.

*chick emoji* @luoqingyang

LAN ???

*bunny emoji* @bichen


jiang cheng @wanyin

EXCLUSIVE: Read our interview with Lan Yi as she talks about her calls for action against Wen Corp’s violations and her take on what should be done on a systematic level moving forward >>

huaisang @secondnie

if the lans are implicated, does this mean she’s throwing her own family under the bus?

*cherry blossom emoji* @yanli

@secondnie isn’t the lan involvement just an alleged statement at this point?

huaisang @secondnie

yea… don’t be disappointed in me *puppy dog eyes emoji*

A Legit News Source @news

ONGOING - Corporate heirs Wen Xu and Wen Chao detained by police this morning. Arrest warrant out for Wen Ruohan but the corporation CEO is in the wind

wei wuxian @yilinglaozu

[beat drop] karmas a bitch

Text from meng yao

lxc:   *puppy dog eyes emoji* are you alright?

       what’s happening?

jgy:   er-ge!

       it’s very hectic

       there are already police at some outskirt warehouses

lxc:   oh no *distressed emoji*

       i’m sure it will clear up very soon for the innocent!

       we had people come by too but i’m not too worried

jgy:   yes, of course

       we have already been conducting an internal investigation since the charges were laid against wen corp earlier in the year

       but now lan yi and others are insisting on third party investigators

lxc:   same on our end

       we’ve allowed them

jgy:   ah but

       we have sensitive documents. innocent stuff but still private.

lxc:   hm, i understand

       but its better than being associated with the likes of labour abuse?

jgy:   we can’t trust third party people to not leak sensitive information

lxc:   i suppose

       well best of luck, a-yao *gentle smile emoji*

       i hope it all works out

jgy:   thank you *puppy dog eyes emoji*

       everything is alright in your end?

lxc:   well no *gentle smile emoji* shareholders and elders are losing their mind but i’m sure theres nothing to be afraid of

       if we are in some way unknowingly in the wrong, i’d be happier knowing and setting things right

jgy:   you are a good person, zewujun

       a bit too trusting but good

lxc:   i think its good to give people the benefit of the doubt ~

wei wuxian @yilinglaozu

shout out to whoever leaked those documents, ur the real hero here ~ we all know these companies wud have dragged out the courtcase and gotten 0 flack in the end if it wasnt for this leak

nie mingjue @redblademaster

the leak is illegal.

wei wuxian @yilinglaozu

with all due respect,, sumtimes u just gotta be gay do crime

song lan @songlan

ur right, theres no way a straight person is the leaker

Text from mingjue

nmj:   how are things going?

       are the external investigators being nice?

lxc:   are you gonna fight them if they’re not :P

nmj:   xichen

lxc:   yes yes

       they’re fine

       they’re just doing their job!

nmj:   it sucks you got caught up in this

       i’m gonna kill huaisang

lxc:   its okay

       what’s huaisang got to do with anything? ówò

nmj:   is wanting to kill huaisang not simply a universal truth at this point

lxc:   u SAY that

       and yet you dote on him the most

nmj:   no i don’t

lxc:   uh huh

       so nie ind. isn’t implicated?

nmj:   nope

lxc:   thats good

       things are just as hectic as a-yaos

nmj:   yea i heard they’ll not allowing third party investigation

lxc:   well, its understandable. they have sensitive documents

nmj:   please

       they’re just trying to hide their dirt as fast as their gremlin paws can

lxc:   mingjue

nmj:   what

       im right

lxc:   you don’t know that

nmj:   i know the amount of affairs jin guangshan has

       and how many mistresses mysteriously dont cause problems for him

       i know wen corp and jin ent had a partnership on the same project thats being scrutinized for labour rights violations rn

       i know jin guangyao has bad vibes

lxc:   bad vibes is not a reason to dislike someone

       or maybe it is but that doesnt mean you should be unfair to them when you dont have all the evidence

nmj:   maybe but


lxc:   what

       say it

nmj:   you’re a pacifist

       its an admirable quality

lxc:   but?

nmj:   but you can be centrist to a fault sometimes

       i think when the violations of someones humanity is at stake

       judgement is important

       is it LEGAL to pay off mistresses and abandon children? it might as well be with how the system is set up

       but that doesnt mean that the person cant be shamed in the court of public opinion

       its wrong of jin ind to hide away documents from the public like that. they’re a business and businesses should be transparent in such occasions.

lxc:   the court of public opinion is a fancy term for mob mentality

       and sure it can work wonders for the corrupt

       but if we encourage it, doesn’t it also make us guilty when the mob mentality turns against someone innocent? someone made up to evil, framed but the public didnt have all the facts and decided to destroy them?

       i’m not saying thats the case here

       but it could be

       i don’t mind being wrong

       but i also don’t mind being kinder and more empathetic if i can be

       reply 2 me >:(

nmj:   u r cute



nmj:   i am

       i see where ur coming from

       but i dont wanna argue more bc we just have different views on some things

lxc:   calling my opinions cute feels invalidating

nmj:   im not calling ur opinions cute

       im calling You cute

lxc:   oh


wei wuxian @yilinglaozu

i personally think we should eat the rich

lan wangji @hanguangjun

what are your thoughts on eating with the rich?

wei wuxian @yilinglaozu

only if the rich are my wonderful boyfriend, then i’m free for dinner in two hours

lan wangji @hanguangjun

*pleased emoji*

wei wuxian @yilinglaozu

look at He .

[a picture of lan wangji in a white tshirt. it is a headshot and he is looking right into the camera. He looks blank faced and slightly pissed as always.]

[a picture of someone sitting across from the cameraman, their head is not in the shot.  They are wearing a white tshirt  They have their finger hooked in the top of the cameraman’s shoe in a flirty possessive gesture.]

wei wuxian @yilinglaozu

he look gwumpy but hes not

wwx @suibian


[a picture of lan wangji in a white tshirt looking over his shoulder. he is smiling broadly]

[picture of a white cat outlined in heart emojis. it is captioned “i really love my boyfriend so much]

wwx @suibian

da smile is MINE only, thank YOU

Instragram post by luoqingyang

[picture of a woman in a beige sweater holding a woman in a blue sweater from behind. both their faces are not in frame.]

comment:   suck on that, jin zixuan

*chick emoji* @luoqingyang

here to let you all know i’m formally leaving “i want a gf” twitter. it was a great time in solidarity with my fellow w|w but i hope you cheer me on in this new chapter of my life: i have a gf

wei wuxian @yilinglaozu

WELCOME TO THE FAMILY *partying smiley face emoji* *party popper emoji* *champagne toast emoji x3*

wei wuxian @yilinglaozu


jiang cheng @wanyin

if u hurt my sister, i will break your legs

wei wuxian @yilinglaozu

FWIEENDSSS *triple heart smiley face emoji X3*

Text from jiang cheng

nhs:   couples all around us *sick face emoji*

       we should outdo them all and get married

jc:    huaisang we are not dating

nhs:   so ?

jc:    i am not marrying you for your need to be overdramatic

nhs:   boo coward


       i’d reather see dage married off first *partying emoji*

       which *I want to touch that kaomoji*

jc:    what does that mean

nhs:   means im gonna forcibly remove jgy from the picture

jc:    what does That mean

nhs:   means im gonna force their hand on the third party investigation

jc:    and what does that MEAN

nhs:   you’d make a wonderful trophy husband, darling

jc:    hauisang we got drunk together consistently through out highschool and university

       this whole mysterio shtick isnt working on me

nhs:   okay but i cant type it out bc like. incriminating

jc:    okay

       but did you really do all that because of your brothers LOVE LIFE ?

nhs:   well my brothers life in general

       i mean its absolutely abhorrent but also im a lil selfish too

jc:    can you do it before we finalize the next issue ?

nhs:   *I want to touch that kaomoji* if u marry me


nhs:   thats a cowards excuse

       u’ve only had hungover huaisang in your bed

jc:    please stop *sick face emoji*

nhs:   fine

       but when i do get married, i expect a huge dramatic moment during the speak now moment

jc:    [a picture of an orange cat that someone has given amazingly thick and determined eyebrows to]


nhs:   [a picture of a grey cat covered in a grey blanket. it looks unhappy to be awake. the picture is captioned “this sum bullshit.”]

Instagram post by songlan

[mirror selfie of song lan and xiao xingchen.  they are very rumpled and xingchen’s tie is undone and hanging around his neck. they have obviously been making out]

comments:   @luoqingyang bet

mm:    i was first :P

sl:    at least neither of us are wangji


xxc:   at least none of us are wei ying

jyl:   maybe they’ll get infected by this love bug *cute and excited kaomoji*

lan wangji @hanguangjun

date night

[a dark photo of someone standing outside a restaurant with a giant bouquet of flowers hiding their face.]

[picture of wei wuxian’s face. he has a half smile with his lips slightly parted.]

wei wuxian @yilinglaozu

what a handsome devil u’ve got there *eyebrow waggle kaomoji*

*bunny emoji* @bichen

wei ying says im spoiling sizhui by getting him mcdonalds for dinner

*bunny emoji* @bichen

marry me if u wanna parent so bad *doubtful emoji*

*bunny emoji* @bichen


Text from lan qiren

lqr:   Wangji.

lwj:   yes, uncle?

lqr:   I’ll just get to the point.

       What are you doing?

lwj:   watching the news ?

       it’s 11 at night, is there something i should be doing?

lqr:   I don’t mean right now, but rather in general.

       It’s good that you’re watching the news. Do you perhaps see what is going on with your company?

lwj:   in general?

       yes, i do

       but not my company, apart from a share and some tasks

       i’m sure it will all be fine

       and if it’s not, it is better to weed out the bad ones.

lqr:   The entire company is under intense scrutiny and you are frolicking around with Wei Wuxian, of all people?

lwj:   of all people?

       uncle, he is my partner

       who else would i frolick around with?


lwj:   … right.

lqr:   Wangji, think of how it looks like.

lwj:   no, i don’t think i will

lqr:   What?

lwj:   goodnight, uncle

*bunny emoji* @bichen

[picture of a white cartoon rabbit in a pink hood. the rabbit looks a little stunned and distressed and is sweating]

*bunny emoji* @bichen

oh no. what will the people think?

*bunny emoji* @bichen

how will i ever go on, knowing that The People are thinking ?

lan wangji @hanguangjun

Heard people were thinking about us so here you go. Don’t hurt your brain too much.

[picture of a person dressed all in black with black and white sneakers holding the hand of the photographer.  The photographer is wearing a white and black striped sweater]

[picture of a person dressed all in black holding the hand of the photographer.  The photographer is wearing a white bomber jacket with black cuffs]

wei wuxian @yilinglaozu

*puppy dog eyes emoji* *heart eyes emoji*

A Legit News Source @news

ONGOING - Additional leaks reveal strong ties between Wen Corp and Jin Ind. Authorities saying that third party investigation is now non-negotiable.

A Legit News Source @news

Despite Jin Ind earlier press conference stating they will not be allowing third party investigation, unlike Lan Co., they now have a week to give all access to an independent government investigator.

*cherry blossom emoji* @yanli

@wanyin a nice relaxing drink!

[picture of a person in a grey hoodie (presumably jiang cheng) with the hood pulled down to cover their face.  They are holding a mostly empty mug of beer.]

wei wuxian @yilinglaozu

love how the jins are in Hell and yall just out here kicking it back

*cherry blossom emoji* @yanli

see, when u mind ur own business *pleased emoji* *smug emoji*

A Legit News Source @news

ONGOING - Jin Industries demands a replacement investigator as they believe the assign one would be biased.

A Legit News Source @news

UPDATE - Request denied due to lack of sufficient evidence or reasoning, Jin Ind. now has 3 days to allow investigation or be charged with contempt of court.

lan xichen @zewujun

with @redblademaster

[picture of two wine glasses filled with red wine on a table. the person across from the photographer is wearing a white shirt and has their phone out.]

huaisang @secondnie

@redblademaster whose place are you going back to *eyebrow waggle kaomoji* do u need me to make myself scarce

lan xichen @zewujun

@secondnie DONT WORRY HAUSIANG <33 We wouldd love tos epdnd time wiwht you!!!!! *heart eyes emoji x4*

A Legit News Source @news

Day 2 into the investigation of Jin Ind: Higher ups have already been detained, including Jin Zixun. Watch his statement here:

wei wuxian @yilinglaozu

this is so sexy


Instagram Post by yilinglaozu

[mirror selfie of wei wuxian. he is in ripped jeans and a striped button down. he is perched slouchily on a stool in front of a make up mirror.  his legs look like they go on forever.]

comment:   it is I ,, long boi

*bunny emoji* @bichen

[picture of a cartoon dog cutely glaring into a mirror with its arms crossed. it is blushing. the picture is captioned “i AM tired of being nice. i DO just wanna go apeshit.”]

[mirror selfie of wei wuxian. he is in ripped jeans and a striped button down. he is perched slouchily on a stool in front of a make up mirror.  his legs look like they go on forever.]

wwx @suibian

wanna quit the diner job but i’m looking for a particularly satisfying time to do it ,, like on a busy day with me yelling “i quit!” and walking out

wwx @suibian

its been quiet lately but im not complaining abt the extra $$$

Text from mxy

mxy:   yo huaisang i need to get out

       the internal investigation is getting close to me

nhs:   can’t you stay a while longer?

mxy:   u want me to die?

nhs:   no but

       i want to end this properly

mxy:   we did what we could

       you said you’d get me out in time

nhs:   you’re right

mxy:   don’t even think about skipping out on me

       i have dirt on you too

nhs:   mo xuan yu :o

       how could you think me capapble of that?

       im a man of my word

mxy:   you’re capable of that

       i’ve been your inside man in all this, remember? i know what you’re capable of

nhs:   :/

mxy:   look i didn’t mean to make you out to be the bad guy or whatever

       i did most of this out of choice

       but i have to ensure my and my mothers safety

       and ur kinda shady

nhs:   its okay *sigh emoji*

       i’ve done,,, questionable things

       but i think ive done them for the greater good, no?

mxy:   ,,, idk dude your identity crisis isn’t rly smth im equipped to deal with?

       if i say ur cool, will u not tie me off as a loose end?

nhs:   I WOULDN’T DO THAT *puppy dog eyes emoji*

       i said i’d take care of you and i will

mxy:   you realize how that sounds, right?

nhs:   now ur just pushing ur agenda on me

       do you WANT to die ?

mxy:   idk its kinda sexy

       but no

       i wanna go home

nhs:   okay kid

       you will

       oh and

mxy:   hm?

nhs:   thank you

       for everything

mxy:   *puppy dog eyes emoji x2*

       ok now i dont think ur gonna k word me

       unless ur doing this to make me let down my guard

nhs:   damn bitch who hurt you why are you so sus

mxy:   lmao

       ok well

       make it asap

nhs:   will do, brat

mxy:   *winking tongue out emoji*

huaisang @secondnie


[screencap from mulan: mushu is holding mulan’s sword and saying “My little baby, off to destroy people.”]

nie mingjue @redblademaster

huaisang, this is the second time. What Baby?

A Legit News Source @news

New leaked documentation incriminating the Jins coming in faster than our staff and interns can process. Legit News Source kindly asks the leaker to calm down.

. @2938aqll361991ahsh9273271

its the last of it!! toodles *blowing kiss emoji x3*

A Legit News Source @news

No, come back, explain!

A Legit News Source @news

The account has already been deactivated.

[screencap of a twitter profile page. the text says “@2938aqll361991ahsh9273271 does not exist”]


jiang cheng @wanyin

i almost forgot its That Time Of The Year Again

*cherry blossom emoji* @yanli

*distressed emoji*

wei wuxian @yilinglaozu

*distressed emoji*

wei wuxian @yilinglaozu

wait what are we *distressed emoji*ing about

group chat titled: yunmeng hero trio

jc:    gathering at yunmeng

       mom’s usually the one planning it and i’ve been so caught up with work that ,, it slipped my mind

       but its next week

wwx:   i am just realizing how many gatherings u mfs have

       when do u have time to become wealthy if yall just lounging around drinking?

       oh right the system is broken and capitalism is hell


jyl:   look on the brightside!

       this time, a-xian will be there!

wwx:   hain ? why will a-xian be there?

       didn’t madam yu say that if i stepped foot in her home again , i would ,, how did she put it , “use the lightening of the god to smite me”

jc:    but lan wangji probably got invited

wwx:   and?

       some paths must be walked alone

jyl:   he can’t

       at least not this

       if he doesnt show up, it’ll be like he’s snubbing the jiangs

       and if he does show up without you, it would still be considered disrespectful bc he is allowed a plus one and in every event prior, he has brought his partner (you) and to not bring you to yunmeng would start speculation and rumors

wwx:   wouldn’t me showing up start speculation and rumors and be an affort to madam yu’s authority as well

jyl:   yes but at least we’ll have ur company :D

jc:    there’s really no right answer when it comes to matters like these

wwx:   okay well lan zhan hasn’t even asked me yet

       so maybe he’s already busy

jc:    he’ll have to unbusy himself for yunmeng jiang :|

wwx:   i wanna say i cant believe yall r just having parties while two major companies in ur midst r embroiled in scandal but. i can

jyl:   it gives people something to talk about

       so you’ll come? *puppy dog eyes emoji*

wwx:   i’ll see

       i don’t fancy being sent looked that could make satan shiver all day

jyl:   i know :(

       think on the bright side!

       you can sit on lan wangjis lap *happy sigh emoji*



wwx::    omg

       i wish i could make out with lan zhan in my old bedroom

       its probably been repurposed but it would be nice

       i say as though lan zhan would want to make out with me, even if the room wasnt repurposed

jc:    its not

wwx:   oh


jyl:   father didnt let it be

wwx:   ah

       anyway lan zhan wouldnt make out with me

       thats taking it too far even for me

       oh thats rly sad

       i rly want to kiss him

jc:    amazing how i lost the ability to read

wwx:   shijie, how did we raise such a prude?

jyl:   beats me *shrug kaomoji* u make out with ur man, a-xian *happy congratulatory kaomoji*

wwx:   HE’S NOT MY MAN

jyl:   *happy congratulatory kaomoji*

wwx @suibian

torn between thinking about how madam yu hates me and making out with lan zhan in my old bedroom

wwx @suibian

i am a nuanced person capable of complex thought ! mark me down as scared AND horny


wei wuxian @yilinglaozu


[a selfie of wei wuxian. he is in a blue coat with his hood up. he looks pleased]

wen qing @drwen

what exactly is this refering to

wei wuxian @yilinglaozu

quit the diner job *partying emoji* Spectacularly too

wen ning @ghostgeneral

can i also quit

wei wuxian @yilinglaozu


wen qing @drwen

only if you want!

wei wuxian @yilinglaozu

come on, it’ll be better if they’re out TWO people ,, manager might actually have to [gasp] work

group chat titled: burial mounds

wwx:   hey xingchen

       when are you marrying song lan so we can buy wen ning a lil bakery like he wanted


xxc:   why are you asking me

       your lan zhan could buy out zichen’s entire life with just his trust fund

wwx:   thats honestly revolting

wq:    xxc snagged himself a commoner, comparatively

wwx:   lan zhan doesnt work for lan co!! he is a teacher!

       this aint about us, this is abt wen ning

wn:    can it not be

       i’d rather talk about wangxian

wwx:   what the fuck is a wangxian

xxc:   you figured out how to make our plumbing work in half an hour, im sure you’ll figure it out

wq:    also EYE will be buying my brother his bakery with my Doctor Money

wwx:   finish getting yourself through med school first

       let me ask lan zhan

       he seems the kind of rich that he doesn’t understand how much a banana costs, let alone a shop

wn:    NO

Text from lan zhan

wwx:   lan zhan >:)

lwj:   hm?

wwx:   i come with nefarious purpose

*bunny emoji* @bichen


[a screencap of the previous texts between himself and wei ying]

Text from lan zhan

lwj:   oh?

wwx:   would lan zhan buy me a store?

lwj:   are you going to use it as a money laundering front?

wwx:   what

       why would i do that

lwj:   you said nefarious purpose

wwx:   asking is the neferious purpose

lwj:   thats ridiculous

       you can ask anything of me

wwx:   anything *eyebrow waggle kaomoji*

lwj:   anything

wwx:   ahaha you’re far too giving

       i was just talking about how aggregiously large your trust fund is

       but now i’m concerned for your money

lwj:   it is aggregiously large

       what kind of shop would you want

wwx:   i’m kidding dummy

lwj:   hm but. hypothetically

wwx:   we wanna buy wen ning a bakery so he doesn’t have to work minimum wage jobs for other ppl *pouty fists up kaomoji*

       as for me ,,,

       haha i think i would have those small corner shops where people come to get their stuff fixed

       i think that would be nice *heart eyes kaomoji*

lwj:   that does sound nice

wwx:   oh!! perhaps a flower shop !

       i do love my plants

       the possibilities are endless

       what about you?

lwj:   me?

wwx:   yes! if you could own a lil shop ~

lwj:   a bookstore, perhaps

wwx:   :O

       we can have little shops next to each other


       BY THE WAY !

lwj:   why are you screaming

wwx:   sowwy

       did you

       get an invite

       for the yunmeng gathering

       *eyes emoji*

lwj:   yes

wwx:   are we


lwj:   we don’t have to if you don’t want to

wwx:   no its not that

       its just weird

       like i havent set foot in that place in so long

       nearly a decade *sweatdrop emoji*

       scared madam yu might actually be able to invoke lightening and kill me the second i step onto the premises

lwj:   don’t be ridiculous

       i wouldn’t let that happen

wwx:   my savior *star eyes emoji*

       the last time i was there, i was fresh drop out

       oh lan zhan !!!!

       tell me something

lwj:   something?

wwx:   about us! you said we kind of knew each other back then, right?

lwj:   not particularly

       you tolerated my presence in detention for a month

wwx:   you were an absolute joy to be around

lwj:   you called me a bore to my face

wwx:   ,,, at least i didn’t do it behind your back

       aaah young me was a little shit

       i don’t think you’re boring :D

       promise !

lwj:   its okay

       young me was also,, quite the character

wwx:   ah i wish i could remember

lwj:   is your memory really so bad?

wwx:   in general? yes

       but specifically for this, it’s mostly due to the trauma induced amnesia i got

lwj:   oh


wwx:   according to jiang cheng, i got beat up *clown emoji*

lwj:   i know that

       you lost your memory then?

wwx:   mhm! you do?

       yeah but it was just short term memory loss and while the immediate timeframe was still blank, everything else came back to me so i’m not too torn up abt it

lwj:   yes, i was there

wwx:   wait what?

       you were?

lwj:   yes

       i thought you knew

wwx:   how is that even possible

       what could you possibly have to do with me punching jin zixuans ugly mug?

       from what my siblings told me, jin zixuan was shit talking my sister so i decked him (as he deserved) and i got jumped by his cousin and his friends that included wen chao for my efforts

       ofc with them being more powerful, an apology was demanded from the jiangs or else i would get expeled and that was the whole Thing bc uncle jiang was more willing than madam yu

       so i decided to save the jiangs trouble and dropped out

       and like ran away and stuff

       thats irrelevant

       i wanna know how YOU’RE involved

       tell me tell me tell me

       i cant believe jiang chengs bitchass didnt tell me

lwj:   not that i would ever want to give jiang cheng the benefit of the doubt but perhaps he had bigger things to deal with, such as making sure you werent dead

wwx:   lmao god i wish

       no i don’t

       tell me *fencer emoji*

lwj:   we had detention for a month together. to ensure your attendance, you had to sign a piece of slip at the end of every detention session. i wouldn’t let you sign it until the end.

wwx:   poor lan zhan *sigh emoji*

       in detention with me for a month just to monitor me

       must have sucked

lwj:   i spent the time in the library anyway

       it was


wwx:   owo

       did i Interest you, lan wangji? *smirk emoji*

lwj:   we fought a lot.

       i started looking into witchcraft for a silencing spell that worked and tried one on you everyday

wwx:   HAHAHA

       did you find one that worked?

lwj:   unfortunately not

       the day you got beat up, you didn’t show up for detention so i went looking for you

       and i found you

wwx:   did you come to my rescue *smirk emoji x2*

lwj:   no, jiang cheng was already there

       i think he was going to attempt to fight all of them but when they saw me, they ran off

wwx:   you are pretty intimidating

       did i look as bad as jiang cheng says? i always thought he was over exaggerating even if i did end up in a hospital

lwj:   yes

wwx:   damn :( here i thought i could impress you with my rugged beat up looks

lwj:   i was not impressed with you being nearly unconscious

wwx:   *winking tongue out face x3*

lwj:   be serious

wwx:   i physically cannot

       did you carry me bridal style to the nurse :D

lwj:   no, i tried to help you but you told me to get lost

wwx @suibian

i did wha

[picture of a cat in a black top. it looks shocked and dismayed]

wwx @suibian

wei ying you dumb bitch

Text from lan zhan

wwx:   ahahahahaha

       [picture of a grey kitten. it has been edited so it is holding a gun under its chin]

lwj:   that’s quite unnecessary

       i understood

       we had squabbled the day before and you didn’t really like me anyway

       i didn’t take it personally

*bunny emoji* @bichen

[narrator voice over] this was a lie, he took it very personally

*bunny emoji* @bichen

perhaps it would have been best to . Be Quiet

Text from lan zhan

wwx:   of course i liked you!!

lwj:   you didn’t even remember me

       which i now realize wasn’t voluntary


lwj:   i just assumed because a) you told me get lost and b) you made no attempts to speak to me ever again so.

       and we never particularly got along

wwx:   thats dumb

       i probably had a crush on you back then too and was just pulling your pigtails, lan zhan

*bunny emoji* @bichen

TOO ??????

[picture of a white bunny with brown ears munching on a bush. it looks wistful]

*bunny emoji* @bichen

no. im just being presumptuous

wwx @suibian

what have i done

[picture of the text from lan zhan. the visible message says “back then? too?”]

[picture of a white rabbit stuffie. it is wearing a pink hood. it is standing in a washing machine, staring out through the glass door]

wwx @suibian


*bunny emoji* @bichen

one must not assume the meaning behind someones words, lest their assumptions be wrong and they get proven wrong. it is always better to veer on the side of being safe.

*bunny emoji* @bichen

i should have just let it go ,, probably just was throwaway comment and now i have made it weird . rip

Text from lan zhan

lwj:   back then? too?

wwx:   uuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh


       i just mean

lwj:   ?

wwx:   well

       u see

       yeah *handshake emoji* great talk!

lwj:   ah i misinterpreted




       you didn’t?

       i mean

       it depends on what you interpreted

lwj:   you’re right, great talk *handshake emoji*

wwx:   i mean

       didn’t half the school have a crush on you back then haha

lwj:   i don’t particularly care about half the school

       i’m pretty sure they didn’t

wwx:   i’m sure they did

lwj:   well i’m not speaking to them now, am i

wwx:   well if you were, i’m sure they’ve carried their crush into adulthood too!!!

lwj:   again, too?

wwx @suibian

i cant believe im literally digging my own grave rn like god .good god.

wwx @suibian

i got no one to blame but my own dumb flirtatious ass thinkin i was bein so slick and smooth ,, mf u DUMB .

wwx @suibian

well . might as well go all in, right

wwx @suibian

no thats dumb i should just laugh it off

wwx @suibian

but then he would think i think its a joke and i DONT . I HAVE VERY STRONG FEELINGS THAT ARENT A JOKE

Text from lan zhan

wwx:   yeah

       yeah, too

       i was probably with those suckers and still am *peace sign emoji*

lwj:   what

wwx:   ah, come on

       you can be all ,, You

       and not expect me to get a crush on you

       in fact, you should accept responsibility for stealing my heart!!

lwj:   are you joking?

wwx:   haha i can be if you want ,,

lwj:   i want the truth

wwx:   i’m not joking

lwj:   oh

*bunny emoji* @bichen

what does that mean

[picture of a white cartoon rabbit wearing a pink hood. it is lying in bed with a cloth on its forehead. it is staring at the ceiling with blank incomprehension]

group chat titled: *mischievous kaomoji*

lwj:   hey.

       what does this mean?

       [a screen cap of the previous conversation between lan wangji and wei wuxian]



mm:    :’)

       it only took for fucking ever

lwj:   i don’t comprehend

nhs:   omg

       wei ying broke him

       please tell me you replied to him

lwj:   song lan

sl:    mhm?

lwj:   what does this mean

sl:    means your pining is reciprocated

       no one is surprised

nhs:   haha im getting anxious, DID YOU REPLY TO HIM

lwj:   i said “oh”

mm:    by god, if you dont go back there and say something substantial

lwj:   what does one even say to that

nhs:   “hey wei ying ive got a big fat crush on you as well, lets date and then marry and live happily ever after xoxo”

sl:    ^ sounds legit *okay emoji*

wwx @suibian

,,, “oh”???!! i was only put on this earth to suffer. my skin is paper , my bone is glass, every night i lay awake in agony until my heart attacks put me slee p

[picture of a small orange and white kitten facing away from the camera. it is in a small ball on endless grey concrete. it looks very small]

wwx @suibian

nvm he replied

Quote Retweet

[,,, “oh”???!! i was only put on this earth to suffer. my skin is paper , my bone is glass, every night i lay awake in agony until my heart attacks put me spee p

[picture of a small orange and white kitten facing away from the camera. it is in a small ball on endless grey concrete. it looks very small]]

Text from lan zhan

lwj:   i don’t know what to say

wwx:   you don’t have to say anything!!

       no pressure or anything !

       i just

       have a hard time lying to you ig

       but i totally understand if you want like nothing to do with me anymore

lwj:   what

       why would i want nothing to do with you?

wwx:   idk? bc i’ve been harboring a dirty crush on you during our arrangement?

lwj:   that would be hypocritical of me considering my massive fucking crush on you since i was 17.

wwx:   you said a bad word.

       wait your WHAT

       since WHEN

       on WHOMST??

lwj:   *blank face emoji*

wwx:   lan zhan, i swear i’m not joking, there’s no need to play along with it for my sake, haha

lwj:   *blank face emoji x2*

wwx:   you’re serious?

lwj:   *blank face emoji*

wwx:   you’re serious

       what the hell

       are you okay?

lwj:   please don’t insult my intelligence

wwx:   i’’m not! i’m not

       i’m just

lwj:   hm

       meet me downstairs in 20?

wwx:   oh


       drive safe

xxc @xingchen

my roommate just made a series of inhumane sounds and then rushed out of the house. i’ve ruled out possession because wei wuxian is too annoying to coinhabit a body with so i’m open to other suggestions

huaisang @secondnie

inhumane how?

xxc @xingchen

lots of muffled screams and thrashing on the bed

wen ning @ghostgeneral

wanted to see the stars but wei ying’s pacing on the literal pavement two floors down is distracting

wen ning @ghostgeneral

what is he doing, should i ask

wen ning @ghostgeneral

oh he is petting a cat, its ok

wen ning @ghostgeneral

saw a kid walkin with ice cream and now i want one

huaisang @secondnie

hey. buddy. tell me whats happening in the pavement under your place and i’ll buy you a pint

wen ning @ghostgeneral

ah. it’s not very interesting, wei ying is still sitting on the pavement, attempting to pet another cat but this cat isnt having it :/

DM between huaisang @secondnie & wen ning @ghostgeneral

nhs:   mr ghost general

       [picture of a hand sliding a bill across a table]

wn:    that’s not ice cream

nhs:   give me more details and i’ll get you however much ice cream you want for a month

wn:    ,,,


       its not very interesting

       hes just sitting there

       why are you spying on wei ying

nhs:   i’m not spying

       you’ll see

wn:    all i’m seeing is a street cat swiping at the strings of wei ying’s hoodie

nhs:   cute

wn:    oh wait

       A CAR

       STRANGER DANGER ?? *siren emoji*

nhs:   NO

       i’d tell u if it was dangerous, come on

wn:    oh

       its only lan wangji

nhs:   okay now i need a blow by blow

wn:    ?

       i’m two floors above them

nhs:   okay, as much as possible

       i’m emotionally invested

wn:    they’re just talking

       i can’t hear them

       wei ying looks nervous, whats this about? :(

nhs:   oh they confessed to each other

wn:    ??!?!?!?



       they’re holding hands


       *blushy emoji x3*

nhs:   WHAT

wn:    they ,,, kith

       this is where i peace out *peace sign emoji*

nhs:   WEN NING NO


nhs:   I DONT KNOW


       okay wait they’re done

       still,,, i dont think i should be looking,, its intimate

nhs:   that’s fair

       does it look like they got their shit together

wn:    yeah?

       theyre being very sappy

       i really want ice cream now

nhs:   i got you buddy *handshake emoji*

wen qing @drwen

@yilinglaozu stop making out with ur beau on the streets and bring him up *big grin emoji*

wei wuxian @yilinglaozu

so you can give him the shovel talk?? i think NOT ?

xxc @xingchen

we just wanna make him some tea *pleased emoji*

wwx @suibian

me, waking up in cold sweat at 4 in the mornign: DOES THIS MEAN I CAN ACTUALLY MAKE OUT WITH LAN ZHAN IN MY CHILDHOOD BEDROOM

wwx @suibian

my brain genuinely cannot conceptualize the fact that i can just . kissy whenever

wwx @suibian

i’m going back to sleep

*bunny emoji* @bichen


[picture of the white animated zootopia rabbit looking extremely cute and happy]

[picture of bugs bunny all droopy with hearts all around his head]

[a photo of a cat in a bunny costume meowing to the heavens]

[a picture of the zootopia rabbit looking blissed out, laying on the floor]

*bunny emoji* @bichen

…………. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Text from mingjue

lxc:   you know i had my misgivings about wei wuxian

nmj:   yes, i am aware, xichen

       you told me


lxc:   can you blame me

nmj:   not entirely

lxc:   anyway

       i think i’m no longer worried

nmj:   oh?

lxc:   wangji looks genuinely happy

       he’s even smiling at breakfast!

       i know he met wei wuxian last night so

       correlation, causation, all that

nmj:   good for him

       does this mean you’re going to stop being voluntarily celibate

       don’t let the matchmaking aunties catch a whiff of that

lxc:   must you put it like that

nmj:   it’s the truth

lxc:   ,,, perhaps

nmj:   you’ll need a new excuse now

lxc:   sigh

       why must i deal with this

nmj:   because u are rich and handsome and single

lxc:   so are you

nmj:   yes but i am also scary :3

lxc:   *blank face emoji*

       nothing scares the matchmaking aunties

nmj:   true

       i just told them i’m tragically pining over someone and they bought it

lxc:   good cover story :o

nmj:   yes indeed

wei wuxian @yilinglaozu

as a monsterfucker, i must apologize to all the cryptids and monsters as i am now in an exclusive, fully committed relationship with a human. it was fun while it lasted *blowing kiss emoji*

jiang cheng @wanyin

hey, op. what the fuck.


A Legit News Source @news

BREAKING - JIN GUANGSHAN and JIN GUANGYAO arrested for tax evasion, among other crimes.

wei wuxian @yilinglaozu

to the guillotine!!!

wei wuxian @yilinglaozu

off with their heads!!

lan wangji @hanguangjun

i got my first fine for double parking last night

wei wuxian @yilinglaozu

mmm u sexy sexy delinquent

wei wuxian @yilinglaozu

some crimes r ok

Instagram post by xingchen

[picture o f song lan i n a mall. he is wearing an orange shirt and is holding a stuffed pink elephant]

comment:   i think. Baby

Instagram post by hanguangjun

[picture of wei wuxian in a sunroom type area.  it has lots of windows with plants visible through them.  The floor is red stone.  he is crouched down and petting a cat]

comment:   *cat emoji x2* - @yilinglaozu

*chick emoji* @luoqingyang

mwah mwah mwah mwah mwah mwah

[two pictures of yanli siting on the floor.  she is wearing a blue long sleeved top and pale wide blue jeans and red sneakers.  in the first she is holding her phone and in the second he has her arms up and is doing her hair]

*chick emoji* @luoqingyang

MY HECKIN GF!!!!!!!!!!

jiang cheng @wanyin

yes , i Am bitter and single ! no, there is no correlation between those two traits

lan xichen @zewujun

i’ll be sure to mention you when i get approached by the matchmaking aunties *pleased emoji*

huaisang @secondnie

@wanyin its not too late to accept being my trophy husband

jiang cheng @wanyin

i can take them ! >:}

group chat titled: yunmeng hero trio

jyl:   *eyebrow waggle kaomoji*

       whats this i hear about being in a commit relationship

jc:    so we’re just going to ignore the monsterfucker implications?

wwx:   we don’t have to

       i can go into detail about my hard on for cryptids

       lets see

       i think moth man would be hot

jc:    please shut up

jyl:   so *eyebrow waggle kaomoji*

wwx:   *eyebrow waggle kaomoji*

       i may have told lan zhan i had a crush on him yesterday

       and he may have


       apparently he likes me back *shrug kaomoji*



wwx:   no!!! i’m just !!


jyl:   of course he likes you back

wwx:   well *blushy emoji*

jc:    so you’re a Real Thing now?

       no more fake dating?

       does that mean you’re going to be a normal person at yunmeng?

wwx:   “normal” is relative

       no >:)

       its fun >:)))))

jc:    at least dress properly

wwx:   we shall see >:)

wei wuxian @yilinglaozu

[picture of lan zhan. he is in an open white button down over a tshirt and is looking off into the distance. he is framed against a tree and a white sky]

[screencap of a tweet filled with emotional emojis surrounding the words he he he, he just sooo, then he just like wow, he just man oh maan *ring emoji he's a blessing *crying emoji *crown emoji*]

song lan @songlan

do you take constructive criticism?

wei wuxian @yilinglaozu

@songlan no

Text from meng yao

lxc:   i saw the news, is it true?

jgy:   er-ge!

lxc:   ah, a-yao

       i’ve been worried

jgy:   sorry *sweatdrop emoji* bail just got posted

lxc:   so they let you out?

jgy:   of course but

       house arrest for now

lxc:   ah

       what happened?

       is it true

jgy:   well

       the truth is complicated

lxc:   how so?

       you know i’m always willing to listen

jgy:   i know

       the accusations are true, they have the evidence for it

lxc:   oh

       a-yao, why

jgy:   i had to

       if i didn’t i would probably be out on the streets again

       i’d lose everything i had built up

       i’ve worked too hard for all this just for some greasy old man to take it all away because he didn’t want to pay a few extra bucks to the government

       but that’s what ended up happening anyway.

       please, you have to understand

       i’m not a bad person, you know me. i just had to do certain things to survive.

lxc:   your survival came at the cost of other peoples lives

       the hush money, the catch and kill stories

jgy:   it had to be done

       er-ge. you know i’m not a bad person. you know the life i had as a child.

       please understand

lxc:   i’m trying

       but i don’t think i can

jgy:   i’ll give you some time but please think about it kindly

lxc:   i will

Morality was such a complicated, nuanced thing. It was easy to have a theoretical moral code but rarely was it possible to follow it completely. It simply wasn’t feasible in the world that existed, with its complex issues. It was always best, Lan Xichen thought, to keep an open mind and recognize morality for what it was; dubious and circumstantial.  After all, if Lan Xichen couldn’t keep such a mindset, he would have villainized his absent father and captive mother from an early age.  But he had been forced to understand that even good people did bad things for unfathomable reasons.

And so, he just simply smiled at his father when he saw him sporadically through his formative years, even as something ugly curled up inside him and wanted to hiss and spit.  He tamed the creature inside and made sure the handful of days they had with their father was as amicable as possible before the older man disappeared into seclusion again.

It made it easier to explain to Wangji why they couldn’t see their parents as often, why their mother wouldn’t leave her side of the house, why their parents weren’t like all the other parents Wangji saw.

Understanding that the actions people took were the consequences of how life had treated him - sometimes, that was the only thing that made sense to Lan Xichen when his mother’s side of the manor was suddenly silent and unwelcoming when his father’s occasional visits screeched to a halt.  He mended his broken heart by explaining to his fragile adolescent self that his parents were wounded creatures that the world had been cruel to.  That they did not mean to pass on the cruelty they had endured to their sons, that they were simply caught up with everything that life had thrown at them.  His parents were not bad people, he told the ugly, darkening creature that resided inside until it stopped snarling.  They just had bad things happen to them and as a result, made some bad choices.

Good people, bad choices.  Morality was complex.

“Hey,”  Chopsticks clanking against porcelain brought him back to the present.  Lan Xichen blinked as chatter flooded his ears and he realized that perhaps having lunch with a friend was not the best time to be philosophizing about the complexity of morality.

“Sorry,” Lan Xichen apologized, smiling fondly at Nie Mingjue’s familiar frown.  “What were you saying?”

“What’s wrong?” Nie Mingjue asked; not even bothering to answer Lan Xichen’s question.

“Must something be wrong?” Lan Xichen replied breezily. “I was simply lost in thought.”

“In thought about what?  Nie Mingjue insisted.  Lan Xichen sighed.  Of course, it would be too much to ask of his best friend to simply let it go .

“About my conversation with Meng Yao,” Lan Xichen admitted, swallowing a sigh as Nie Mingjue, predictably, froze.  Nie Mingjue had made his feelings on Meng Yao clear for a while now and while Lan Xichen had respected them, he had tried not to let other’s feelings change the was he treated someone.  Perhaps that had been his mistake.

Or perhaps not.  Morality: complex.

“What about it?” Nie Mingjue asked after a moment.  Lan Xichen didn’t keep his sigh silent this time, picking up a lotus root from his salad before letting it drop again.   “Why has that tiny man got you sighing like some maiden whose husband died at sea?”

“I spoke with him after he got bailed out,” Lan Xichen said. “I wanted to see what he had to say.”

“And what did he have to say?”  Nie Mingjue’s voice was even, as though he was actually willing to listen but his expression made it clear he knew he wasn’t going to hear something he liked.

Lan Xichen still spoke, though, because he didn’t like what he was saying either.  Yet, there was an inherent part of him that tried to spin it to make some semblance of sense.  He explained the conversation he had had with Meng Yao, ignoring the way a part of him huffed at how he would interject the explanation with some justification for his old friend’s actions.  If nothing else, at least Lan Xichen was self aware, even if trying to  change his way of thought was much, much harder.

“Before you say anything,” Lan Xichen said as he finished speaking, “I’m aware I’m being like that .”

“If by like that , you mean irritatingly pacifist and understanding, then I’m glad you’re self aware,” Nie Mingjue said.  Lan Xichen let the accusation of being irritating slide as he felt much better just having vented , even if it was to an unapethetic party that would certainly give him a piece of his mind.

“You say ‘pacifist’ like it’s a dirty word,” Lan Xichen said dryly, his appetite awoken after the long rant.

“No, I don’t,” Nie Mingjue insisted. “I admire your ability to remain neutral and find the middle ground at most times.”

“But,” Lan Xichen prompted because he knew it was coming.

“But Jin Guangyao is a piece of shit and watching you bend over backwards and doing mental gymnastics to rationalize his, frankly, evil actions is concerning, ” Nie Mingjue said bluntly.  Lan Xichen looked at Nie Mingjue, frankly a little affronted. Mental gymnastics?

“Mental gymnastics,” Lan Xichen repeated.

&ldquo0;And you still can’t stick the landing because you know  it’s wrong but it’s hard for you to break out of old habits,”  Nie Mingjue said, patting Lan Xichen’s hand, almost comfortingly despite the harsh words.  Well, he wasn’t wrong  but it still felt strange to watch someone read him like that. “Except this isn’t Meng Yao getting someone fired over a personal offence.  This is him taking part in a crime that has far-reaching consequences, even if they’re not immediately apparent.  What he did was his choice.”

“What is ‘choice’?” Xichen lamented only to falter when Nie Mingjue sent him a flat look.

“Meng Yao chose to do this.  Perhaps he felt like he didn’t have a choice, that his hand was pressed and there was, really, no other option for him.  But that doesn’t make it right .  He had a choice and he chose to ruin people’s lives.”  At some point, the hardness in Nie Mingjue’s voice had softened and the hand was a permanent,welcome weight over Lan Xichen’s.  He felt fondness blossom in his chest at the gesture, wanting to flip their hands and intertwine their fingers, wanting to see Nie Mingjue’s reaction to it, wanting to press the heavy hand to his lips and -

The words hit Lan Xichen.  Meng Yao chose to tdo this.  Even if he felt like he was in the right, it didn’t erase the fact that it was wrong.  Meng Yao chose  this.  HIs father chose to not raise his children.  HIs mother chose to take her own life.  Xichen and Wangji had been left without parental affection because of the choices their parents made.

A squeeze of his hand brought him back to the lunch table, back to Nie Mingjue who was looking on with concern.

“I understand,” Lan Xichen said, his voice coming out weaker than he had intended.  Nie Mingjue frowned.

“I-” Nie Mingjue started but then stopped, as though unsure how to continue.  Lan Xichen smiled at the adorably disgruntled face.

“I understand,” Lan Xichen repeated, this time more clearly before leaning forward to steal a mushroom from Nie Mingjue’s plate and munching on it happily.  He did understand, if not completely then more than he did a while ago.  It would take more time to comprehend it completely, and more effort to implement it ito action but - he had to start somewhere.  He would take this nugget of a breakthrough and lament on it later.

In the end, he did end up intertwining their fingers together, if only to stop Nie Mingjue swatting at his hand as he reached out to steal more vegetables from his plate.


Text from lan zhan

wwx:   lan zhan, we need to talk

lwj:   [picture of a tan cat in a brown bunny costume. it looks extremely dismayed.]

       have you already decided to break up with me

wwx:   huh



lwj:   oh


       we need to talk is a terrible way to start a conversation

wwx:   i’ll keep that in mind, darling, my lovely boyfriend i would never break up with because i’m luck to even have him

lwj:   *blushy emoji*

       no, you

wwx:   ur so cute !!!!

       wait, dont distract me

       i want to talk about the yunmeng gathering coming up

lwj:   like i said, we don’t have to go if you don’t want to

wwx:   i thought about it

       and i thought it wouldn’t want to

       but i want to

       i mean, when else would i get the chance to visit the place again, legally

lwj:   legally

wwx:   yeah, like

       if madam yu found out i was there, she’d get me arrested for trespassing *sweatdrop emoji*

       so we’ll go!

lwj:   we’ll go

wwx:   its a great place, you know!

       so beautiful!


       no more depositing me ridiculous amounts of money

lwj:   don’t kinkshame me

wwx:   LAN ZHAN.

lwj:   *puppy dog eyes emoji* *hands up emoji*

wwx:   are you really trying to convince me you get off on giving me money, because its not working

lwj:   okay fine, i won’t deposit anymore large amounts of money into your account

wwx:   why am i still suspicious

lwj:   is getting a joint account moving too fast?

wwx:   i will literally steal all your money, you don’t deserve it, just throwing it around willy nilly

lwj:   okay, i won’t press charges

wwx:   lan zhan!! ur going to go bankrupt if you let ppl treat you like this!!!

lwj:   only you

wwx:   .

       you’re part of the problem

lwj:   i’m aware

wwx:   you don’t have to pay me to be with you, i’m literally in love with you and it feels very weird accepting money anymore

lwj:   i’m not paying you

       i just want to u give u everything, like love and affection and my assets worth hundreds of thousands

wwx:   i am realizing this is the adult version of buying me mcdonalds

       lan zhan, you’re so bad with your money

lwj:   i hope wei ying can accept this fault in me *sigh emoji*

wwx:   i love you, bad financial choices and all

lwj:   i love you too

*bunny emoji* @bichen


*bunny emoji* @bichen

*triple heart smiley face emoji x59*

wwx @suibian

reasons i know capitalism is faulty: it let lan zhan handle copious amounts of money

wwx @suibian

i love his dumb rich ass *sigh emoji* i suppose everyone has faults,, its ok, i will slowly teach him the ways of the commoner

xxc @xingchen

there’s a LAKE

xxc @xingchen

@yilinglaozu THERES A PRIVATE LAKE ?

wei wuxian @yilinglaozu

private lotus pods *drooling emoji x2*

hauisang @secondnie

yunmeng event thread; wei wuxian is actually on time for once

hauisang @secondnie

i’m so tired of hearing about the scandal, its physically exhausting @wanyin catch me

jiang cheng @wanyin

fall, for all i care

hauisang @secondnie

some people have no consideration

hauisang @secondnie

everyone keeps asking xichen ge about jgy, what is he, his keeper?

hauisang @secondnie

everyone wondering who the leaker is ,, so am i but i know when to stop speculating

hauisang @secondnie

da-ges glares r so cool when theyre not directed at me *smug emoji*

wei wuxian @yilinglaozu

i, for one, think jgy shud be in JAIL !!!!

wei wuxian @yilinglaozu

“hes not a violent criminal” and !!!! i got locked up for petty crime ! JAIL FOR CORPORATIONS AND MILLIONAIRES

wei wuxian @yilinglaozu

he got off easy with house arrest , JAAAILLLLL

Nostalgia had not done Lotus Pier justice.

Standing the peir, looking out into the serene pond, he realized his insistence at himself that he had been looking at Lotus Pier through rose-tinted glasses, that he shouldn’t miss it as much as he desperately did, had been nothing but an elaborate lie.  If anything, his sparkling memory dulled in the face of the actual destination.

A cool breeze picked up, sliding past his nape as Wei Wuxian closed his eyes, breathing in the clean air.  Even though the distance was less than an 80 minute drive, he felt as though he was worlds away from the blaring horns and constant movement of a smog filled city.  He would treasure it for as long as he would be allowed to have it.  Which, going by Madam Yu’s increasingly tight grip on her glass, wasn’t going to be much longer.  Years aaway from Wei Wuxian had not softened her; Wei Wuxian could hardly blame her.  Wei Wuxian had been a brat, sullying what should have been her idyllic life.

“Wei Ying,” a soft voice called from behind him, clear in the relative silence around them.  A smile automatically tugged at Wei Wuxian’s lips and he made no effort to tamp it down as he turned.

And oh, what a sight for sore eyes greeted him .  His ( his! ) Lan Zhan, against the backdrop of his childhood home, looking at him ( him!! ) so tenderly.  The gaze wasn’t anything new and Wei Wuxian was a fool to have missed it for so long.  Lan Zhan looked, as he always did, stunning.  Even more so as Wei Wuxian noted that his tie was slightly loosened, and his hair wasn’t quite  in place.  Perfect excuses for Wei Wuxian to step into Lan Zha’s space, one hand reaching up to smooth a rebellious strand and the other resting on Lan Zhan’s chest.  It would move to fix the tie - soon.  Eventually.

“I leave you alone for 15 minutes,” Wei Wuxian chided, his tone light and teasing, the smile never quite being able to leave his face. “And look at you!”

Lan Zhan’s deadpan look in response was absolutely delightful.

“I didn’t realize there was something amiss,”  Lan Zhan said, raising an eyebrow.

“Of course!” Wei Wuxian insisted. “Look at this hair! And the tie! Comparatively, you look absolutely debauched, Hanguang-jun!”

Unwittingly, an image of what Lan Zhan would look like if he truly  looked like the true meaning of the word debauched appeared in his mind.  He appreciated it for a moment but pushed it aside.

“Oh, no,”  Lan Wangji continued blandly, even as his hands settled on Wei Wuxian’s waist.  “Then I supposed it’s best if we don’t show our ruined selves to the general public right now.”

“of course,” Wei Wuxian nodded seriously, “It’s best to stay out here until we are more presentable.”

The press of lips that followed was quick and chaste, too hindered by Wei Wuxian’s massive fucking grin to become deeper.  Still, it didn’t stop him from pressing his forehead against Lan Zhan’s, content to breathe the same air, noses brushing in childlike kisses.  Most of the earlier nerves melted away as he breathed in the humid lake air.

“Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian said as he pulled away, wanting to quite literally eat his fist at the discontent noise his boyfriend ( his boyfriend!!!!!!!!!!!!! ) made.  He intertwined their fingers instead as consolation. “Do you want to see something?”

Lan Zhan looked at him inquisitively but nodded, fingers tightening in his as Wei Wuxian bounded forward.  He had so much to show Lan Zhan.

He pulled him towards the pier, making him crouch to see the lotus plants.  He almost reached forward to pluck one out before freezing, realizing that the plants were no longer his to take.  He covered his faux pas with an awkward laugh, but he didn’t let Lan Zhan’s discerning look sway him as he pulled him up, dragging him instead towards a spot where Wei Wuxian knew they could see some fish.  It took a bit of patience, Wei Wuxian assured Lan Zhan as no fish made any appearance in the shallow, clear water.  The fish were probably shy!  It couldn’t be that Wei Wuxian had been gone for so long, the natural fauna had migrated elsewhere, that he no longer really knew  Lotus Pier   anymore.

As the water remained agitatedly empty of fish, Wei Wuxian’s gaze caught on the wooden fence.  In particular, the defacement of the fence.

“Lan Zhan, look,” Wei Wuxian pointed at the characters scraped into the wood.  A bold Wei Wuxian  stood out, carved the deepest but on futher inspection, a neat Jiang Yanli  was visible above Wei Wuxian’s own name and a Jiang Cheng  under it, the latter name somehow carved neatly but infused with the bearings of an impatient scrawl.  Or perhaps that was simply Wei Wuxian imposing Jiang Cheng’s character onto his carvings. “We did that as teenagers when Shijie graduated. Funnily enough, we never got caught for it.  It’s probably why it’s still here.”  Wei Wuxian looked at Lan Zhan, who was looking at the carvings with an impossibly soft expression.  Wei Wuxian gently pressed his shoulder against Lan Zhan’s, grabbing his attention.  “Has the venerated Hanguang-jun ever defaced private property?”

“The venerated Hanguang-jun has defaced public property,”  Lan Zhan replied and Wei Wuxian couldn’t keep in his gasp, the sound not even voluntary.  His Lan Zhan, a delinquent .  That was so hot.

“Do tell,” Wei Wuxian urged, pressing closer, relishing in the fact that he could.  The instinctual expectancy to be pushed away melted when Lan Zhan settled against him, a solid warm mass.

“It was when I was 14 and Xichen-ge was 16.  Uncle was away and Xichen-ge had… procured some alcohol,”  Lan Zhan said.  Wei Wuxian gasped appropriately.  The Twin Jades of Lan! Drinking underage! The scandal! “I found out when he burst into my room and started squishing my face and such.  I thought he was deliriously ill before I saw the bottle in his hand.”

“Straight out of the bottle!” Wei Wuxian laughed.  He would have thought it would have been sipped tentatively out of a cocktail glass or a champagne flute.  Perhaps even a quarter filled glass of whiskey. “And he let you drink?”

“He was pretty out of it,”  Lan Zhan shrugged.   “He was still in the joyous high phase of his drunken stupor.  He hadn’t reached the next, more depressing stage yet and saw no issue with allowing his precious younger brother experience the highs as well.”

“Oh. no,” Wei Wuxian said with dread, though he smiled fondly at the imagery. “Does Zewu-jun become a sobbing drunk?”

“Yeah, he does,”  Lan Zhan said, his tone light but his eyes heavy, a thousand miles (or 14 years) away.  Wei Wuxian sobered, remembering the Lan Xichen inside the house in the present day, they way his face was closed off, the way his eyes almost looked hunted as people talked about the Jin scandal and asked Lan Xichen about his opinion.  His polite smiles that didn’t quite reach his eyes,  the way he had become a little less giving with his warmth.

But he also saw the way Lan Xichen waded through the crowd with Nie Mingjue’s protective hand on him, an inappropriate question not long after followed by Nie Mingjue’s gruff snaps.  Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue had always gravitated towards each other, had always been seated next to each other; it wasn’t unlikely for Wei Wuxian to overhear them talking to people about the other’s company as though it was their own.  But this event was different, with Lan Xichen just a bit too vulnerable, resulting in a Nie Mingjue whose priorities were a bit too blatant.  Wei Wuxian really hoped it would make them come to their senses - he was sure Nie Huaisang was cooking up something .  It would be absolutely criminal if he wasn’t, considering the prime time.

“Oh, look,” Lan Zhan said and Wei Wuxian guiltily stopped thinking about his boyfriend’s brother’s love life.  He really was spending too much time with Nie Huaisang.  Lan Zhan nodded at the water, which now had three fish wiggling about.

Relief flooded Wei Wuxian and he tightened his grip on Lan Zhan, let he fall.  He knew  there would be fish there.  He still knew Lotus Pier.  His throat felt heavy as he gazed down at the familiar sight, frozen in case any movement destroyed the mirage.

They’re cute,” Lan Zhan offered and Wei Wuxian swallowed, gratefully latching on to the comforting timbre of his voice.

“Delicious too!” Wei Wuxian replied, a snicker bubbling out of his lips when Lan Zhan looked at him, affronted.  “Don’t worry, Lan Zhan.  I’m full right now!”

Lan Zhan didn’t dignify him with a response, but Wei Wuxian didn’t mind.  He could talk enough for the two of them, content in being able to feel the vibrations of Lan Zhan’s hums of acknowledgement from where they were pressed together.

Wei Wuxian talked about the fish and then, as his eyes began to wander, he began regaling tales of the past on the pier, walking by familiar spots where the ghosts of the past would play out their routine in front of his eyes.  Wei Wuxian didn’t have the best memory, even without the damage his brain had gotten at 18 but he would be loath to forget these moments.  He pulled Lan Zhan towards the different places, talking loudly about how he would spend evenings with his sister under that specific tree as they both hid away from the world of expectations.  He talked about the swing set Jiang Cheng and him had built with Uncle Jiang and how Wei Wuxian had purposefully lagged behind to let Jiang Cheng shine.  Even as a child, he knew to do these things and it was only as an adult that he realized it was unfair to force that decision upon a child because an adult couldn’t parent properly.

He tore his mind away from those thoughts and continued, a million fragmented memories from here and there and especially there, until his feet lead him to an all too familiar door.  He stopped beside it and Lan Zhan stopped with him.  He remembered his own comment about making out with Lan Zhan inside his childhood home and the thought made him both smile and flush.

A nefarious smile bloomed on his face and he shot Lan Zhan a look.  Lan Zhan looked back with an expression that told him he was fully aware that Wei Wuxian was on some shit.

“Oh, Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian proclaimed, feigning exhaustion and throwing the door open.  “Let’s rest for a while, all that talking has left me absolutely fatigued!”

“Fatigued,”  Lan Zhan murmured in derision as he was pulled into the room.  The door closed behind them and it took only a moment for Wei Wuxian’s hand to find the light switch.

Wei Wuxian’s breath caught in his throat.

Nothing had changed.

The room wasn’t particularly luxurious, a room in the outer skirts of the manor, near the servent’s quarters.  It had been, originally, a maid’s room which came with its own tiny washroom.  Wei Wuxian had moved into it when Madam Yu went from vindictively not wanting to spare the child its own room and making him sleep in JIang Cheng’s room to “not wanting the child to influence JIang Cheng” and driving him to the corners of the house.  At the time, Wei Wuxian had been pretty bummed about it, since he enjoyed staying with JIang Cheng and despite Jiang Cheng’s petulant exterior, he knew they worked well together as roommates.

Over time, of course, Wei Wuxian learned to appreciate having his own pace, especially as he hit puberty.  He still, however, did not appreciate it being so far away from his siblings.

Wei Wuxian shook his head, trying to scatter those thoughts away and flinging himself on the bed.  The sheets smelled clean and the place was dustless, which Wei Wuxian tried not to think too hard about.  He had pulled his hand away from Lan Zhan to do so and he sat up again after a moment, missing the warm presence beside him already.  He sat on the edge of the bed,leaning back and throwing  a seductive look at Lan Zhan - well, Lan Zhan’s back.  Wei Wuxian deflated as he realized his boyfriend, instead of looking at him , was looking around Wei Wuxian’s room.

When Wei Wuxian had left, he had taken the necessities with him, as well as a few sentimental tokens.  That meant that the room still held a significant part of his childhood and adolescence, from the posters to the books and CD’s on the shelves to the figurines.  Even his computer was still on its desk, though switched off.  Lan Zhan had taken to looking at Wei Wuxian’s bookshelf and Wei Wuxian whined.

When Lan Zhan looked back at him, Wei Wuxian wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, patting the space next to him.  Lan Zhan looked at him for a beat longer before turning away again, fingers trailing down the spines of books.

“Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian whined, almost petulantly stomping his feet on the ground.

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan replied evenly but Wei Wuxian could hear the amusement lying underneath.  He huffed and pushed himself off the bed, marching over to where Lan Zhan stood.

“Whats so interesting here?” Wei Wuxian asked in a huff.  He just wanted his god damn kissy and, in the short span of a few days, had become very unaccustomed to it being refused to him.

“You are,” Lan Zhan replied and well.  Wei Wuxian didn’t flush when he realized Lan Zhan was looking over the memorabilia with such focus because  it was his .  He didn’t .

“Shut up,” Wei Wuxian muttered and then took it upon himself to ensure Lan Zhan did just that, a hand on Lan Zhan’s jaw making him turn his face towards Wei Wuxian.  They were of similar enough height that Wei Wuxian didn’t have to move much to press his lips against Lan Zhan’s, this kiss intentionally less chaste.

Lan Zhan immediately responded, turning completely, his hands already making themselves at home as one carded itself into Wei Wuxian’s hair and another rested on his hip, pulling him closer.  Wei Wuxian leaned into the kiss, body and soul, pressing Lan Zhan against the bookshelf as he tugged his bottom lip between his teeth.  He knew the bookshelf would be fine, it was sturdy - and if not, well… Lessons would be learnt.  It would be worth it, Wei Wuxian reasoned as he manhandled Lan Zhan against the bookshelf, pressing them ever closer as the kisses got open mouthed and a little messy.

Lan Zhan’s grip on his was tight but the soft sounds that fell out of him were soft and deliciously unintentional.  Suddenly, Wei Wuxian was glad for his room far away from the main house, far away from any potential interruptions as he licked his way into a yielding mouth and -

And he jinxed himself as they both startled as Lan Zhan’s phone started ringing.  Wei Wuxian’s heart was already beating erratically and Lan Zhan was in no better condition from the way his breathing was harsh.  He took out his phone from his pocket, seeing the caller ID and smiled.  Wei Wuxian followed his gaze.

It still baffled Wei Wuxian that preteens these days had mobile phones but he rarely commented on it, lest his hag status be revealed.  And besides, if any preteen deserved a mobile phone, it was Lan Sizhui.  Lan Zhan answered and the conversation that ensued was soft both in tone and volume.  Wei Wuxian waited it out with his arms around Lan Zhan’s waist and his chin resting on his shoulder.  The hand that Lan Zhan didn’t have to hold his phone to his ear was running through Wei Wuxian’s hair soothingly.

Wei Wuxian could get used to this.

“A-yuan wants to go home,”  Lan Zhan said after he hung up.  Wei Wuxian hummed in acknowledgement, moving to step away from the warm embrace but a firm hand on his lower back kept him in place.  He looked at Lan Zhan quizzically.   “Come with us?”

Wei Wuxian tried to keep the probably disturbingly large grin off his face, but the effort was fruitless.  He nodded and Lan Zhan finally let him step away.  Taking Lan Zhan’s hand, he spared his old room one last glance, unsure of when he’d see it again, if ever, and then switched off the light, stealing one last kiss from Lan Zhan before leading him out the door

The walk back towards the main house was quieter, Wei Wuxian’s incessant chattering absent as they leisurely strolled back towards the noise and bright lights.  On their journey, though, Wei Wuxian spotted something and paused.  He tugged Lan Zhan back and made exaggerated hushing gestures.  He deserved the unimpressed look he got from his silent companion.  He then pointed at the scene that had caught his eyes and was smug when a soft, surprised “oh,”  escaped Lan Zhan.

Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue were easily distinguishable, even in the limited light of the pier at night.  Both were ridiculously, unnecessarily tall too.  They stood not far from where Lan Zhan and Wei Wuxian themselves had stood, standing almost at the tip of the pier, and not much further apart either.  If Wei Wuxian didn’t know them, wasn’t painfully aware of their lack of comprehension of their own feelings, he would think they were a couple, sharing intimate words under the moonlight.  That is, of course, until Lan Xichen took a step back, crossing arms.  Wei Wuxian was too far away to hear them or even make out their expressions but the change in body language was evident.

“Oh, brother,”  Lan Zhan sighed beside him in disappointment, seeing his brother put up another wall.  Wei Wuxian squeezed his hand in comfort before looking back from a final glance, only to find the scene had changed.  In the step Lan Xichen had taken back, Nie Mingjue had stepped forward, back into his best friend’s space.  A moment, where they could practically feel Lan Xichen’s confusion from across the pier, before he took another step back.  Nie Mingjue took another step forward.

Lan Xichen’s defensive stance had softened as his head tilted to look at Nie Mingjue.  The next step he took back was experimental, lacking the previous need for distance and escape.  Again, he was followed.  Another step back.  Another step forward.

Wei Wuxian and Lan Zhan realized there were no more steps to take back before Lan Xichen did and the yelp as his foot nearly hit water instead of the pier could be heard by the onlookers as well.  Luckily, Nie Mingjue was there to encircle his arms around the older Lan’s waist and keep him on the pier.  Wei Wuxian gasped and clutched Lan Zhan’s arm as time seemed to freeze for the two on the pier.

“Please kiss, please kiss, please kiss,” Wei Wuxian whispered fervently.  If nothing else, for the sake of the drama!  The looked straight out a romance scene, with Lan Xichen’s arms draped over Nie Mingjue’s borad shoulders, with Nie Mingjue’s hands around Lan Xichen’s waist keeping them pressed together - it would be a crime  to let such an organically cheesy moment go to waste! “Please kiss!”

He was sure they hadn’t heard him - for one, they were too far and for another, he was sure they were too engrossed in each other to pay much heed to their surroundings anymore.

But they complied  and Wei Wuxian didn’t realize that the high pitched squeal was coming from him as they actually kissed  until Lan Zhan put a hand over Wei Wuxian’s mouth.  Probably for the best, since Wei Wuxian was sure the pair on the pier would pull apart if they heard Wei Wuxian’s wails.

“They’re kissing,” Wei Wuxian informed Lan Zhan in wonder.  Wow.  He hadn’t actually expected it to happen.

“I’m aware,” Lan Zhan replied, a happy undercurrent in his voice even as he began to move, tugging Wei Wuxian away from the scene.  Which was fair - the couple had parted but they were still pressed against each other, foreheads pressing and the moment somehow seemed even more intimate, so much so that Wei Wuxian vaguely felt like a voyeur for continuing to look.  He looked away and let Lan Zhan lead him away, irrevocably happy.  Lord, Nie Huaisang had really made him become ridiculously invested in that relationship, hadn’t he?

In a few moments, he would be back in the main hall, with the party still in full swing, where he’d see his friends and family and feel warmth curl up contently inside him, where he’d see ostentatious wealth but would feel a little less wrong in his skin with Xingchen there to be snarky with.  Inside, where A-yuan would run over to them in sheer, childish joy, where his brother would reprimand him for disappearing.  INside, where old memories still wandered and where he could make new ones tonight.

All that, and more, could perhaps wait a few moments longer as Wei Wuxian dug his heels in, a smile blooming on his face as Lan Zhan looked at him in adorable confusion.  For now, he would leap into Lan Zhan’s arms, sure that he would be caught, his laugh resounding around them, enjoying a final moment of calm under the moonlight.

Perhaps making someone with a net worth of about a billion cry could wait just a few moments.

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wei wuxian @yilinglaozu

want to skip that long, insulting conversation about how youre still single? about how your parents really want more grand children? well, look no further!

wei wuxian @yilinglaozu

i am a 28 year old felon with no high school degree, and a dirty old van one year younger than me painted like a demonic flute. i can play anywhere between the ages of 20 and 29 depending on if i shave. I’m a line cook and work late nights at a bar. If you’d like to have me as your strictly platonic date for the holiday, but have me pretend to be in a very long or serious relationship with you, to torment your family, i’m game.


Instagram Post by yilinglaozu

[an artsy photo of two shadows.  They are holding hands.]

comment:   hehe - @hanguangjun