Chapter 1: "Not Straight Kids, Stray kids"- Han Jisung
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“Not Straight Kids, Stray Kids”- Han Jisung (9) 4:09pm
catpain added 9 people!! Welcome everyone!
catpain: HELLO EVERYONE
catpain: oops caps lock
stillhere: what is this
stillhere: who are you
catpain: chan!
stillhere: *squints*
stillhere: from bio?
catpain: yep!
catpain: and music
stillhere: music?
catpain: producer christopher bang at your assistance!
stillhere: oh you
stillhere: whats this
catpain: a group chat
stillhere: group chat
stillhere: i can see that
stillhere: i dont think i know any of you
catpain: oh im sure you know them
stillhere: …
stillhere: wtf
catpain: ;)
stillhere: this is concerning
babiesharkeu: woojin hyung?
babiesharkeu: channie hyung?
stillhere: jeonginnie?
babiesharkeu: woojinnie hyung!!!
catpain: ;) told you
stillhere: this is concerning, chan
babiesharkeu: you two know each other?
catpain: just aquaintences
catpain: we have a couple of classes together
notstraight: wtf is the chat name
notstraight: wtf chan hyung
notstraight: when did i say that
notstraight: wtf
catpain: language jisung
stillhere: jisung??
stillhere: the squirrel producer?
notstraight: who tf are you
notstraight: and yes that would be me
Notstriaght: producer han jisung at your service
catpain: *wipes tear* i taught him that
stillhere: language
stillhere: and im kim woojin
notstraight: AHHAH WHAT YOU?
stillhere: …
stillhere: this is concerning
yeet: chan hyung
yeet: wth
yeet: whats this
yeet: are you making a cult again
yeet: last time didnt go well remember
yeet: oh hi woojin hyung
stillhere: WHY DO YOU KNOW ME
stillhere: who are you
stillhere: CHAN WHY DO THESE PEOPLE KNOW ME
catpain: chill
catpain: ur kinda famous
stillhere: for WHAT
catpain: idk
catpain: not the one who made you famous
stillhere: gmnit
catpain: language
stillhere: i will cut you with a work
Toolgarden: r/rareinsults
Toolgarden: oh hi everyone
Toolgarden: goodbye
Toolgarden: i need to go and water my son
notstraight: YOU HAVE A PLANT SON?
notstraight: CAN I CO PARENT
toolgarden: um
toolgarden: who are you
notstraight: producer han jisung get with the game dude
toolgarden: what if im a girl
notstraight: im bi
notstraight: i will still gladly co parent
toolgarden: not what i was talking about but okay
toolgarden: i don’t know who you are tho
notstraight: so is that a no for the coparenting?
notstraight: :(
toolgarden: oh um
toolgarden: well
toolgarden: ill think about it
notstraight: THANK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
toolgarden: ahaha ur welcome?
notstraight: (^▽^)
toolgarden: :)
catpain: *squints*
catpain: minho is that you
catpain: are you on drugs again minho because if you are then that is concerning
toolgarden: your face is concerning:
catpain: :/
catpain: really now
stillhere: why am i still here
stillhere: ugh
toolgarden: wait
toolgarden: woojin hyung??
stillhere: unless ur talking about another woojin
stillhere: then yes
stillhere: chan why do your children know me
catpain: i claim no responsibility over these foold
catpain: you haven’t even seen the worst of it yet
stillhere: oh my goodness
stillhere: how much worse could it get?
catpain: ANYGAYS
catpain: CHILDREN GET YOUR ASSES HERE RIGHT NOW
catpain: IM SURE YOU KNOW EACH OTHER BUT WE NEED INTRODUCTIONS STAT
yeet: YESSIR
notstraight: YESSIR
dramallama: YESSIR
die6: yessir!
babysharkeu: 00 line have one braincell
babysharkeu: and it belongs to kkami
dramallama: gasp!
dramallama: how do you know my dog>
dramallama: *dog
babysharkeu: insta
babysharkeu: you scream there a lot
dramallama: you follow me on insta?
babysharkeu: like
babysharkeu: everyone in the school does so
babysharkeu: tbh i only do it for kkami
dramallama: awww who are you?
catpain: OKAY ENOUGH
catpain: BINNIE
catpain: BINNIE BINNIE CHANGBINNIE
smol: wtf do you want hyung
smol: i swear if this is another cult
smol: i will take away all of your producing stuff
catpain: no you wont
smol: fine i wont
catpain: good
catpain: NOW AS I WAS SAYING
stillhere: capslock
catpain: sry
catpain: anyways
catpain: introductions!
smol: Producer Seo Changbin at your service
smol: wait
smol: WOOJIN HYUNG
stillhere: WHY DOES EVERYONE KNOW ME
catpain: caps lock
stillhere: fucc you
toolgarden: language, hyung
stillhere: ugh
catpain: hehe
catpain: anyways
catpain: introductions!
catpain: name, age, grade, birthday, plus a picture!
catpain: oldest to youngest so
catpain: woojin you go!!
stillhere: ugh
stillhere: Kim Woojin, 17, 12th, April 8
stillhere:
stillhere: there
yeet: wait WOOJIN HYUNG?
dramallama: WOOJIN HYUNG?
die6: woojin hyung?
notstraight: yep
notstraight: its woojin hyung
toolgarden: wow what a visual
stillhere: this is so weird
stillhere: im going to pretend that you just know me because chan knows me
catpain: yep
catpain: dw its nothing bad
catpain: anywayssss my turn!
catpain: Bang Chan, 16, 12th, October 3rd
catpain:
notstraight: EW UGLY BOOMER
stillhere: cute
catpain: I WILL TAKE AWAY YOUR LAPTOP
catpain: uwuwu thx woojin u handsome
notstraight: what are you, my dad?
catpain: yes
toolgarden: dADDY-
catpain: CURSED
stillhere: chan im leaving
stillhere: i contain the only brain cell in this chat
stillhere: (also thxxx you)
stillhere: im taking it and LEAVING
die6: wait hyung i have a braincell!!
stillhere: no you dont
stillhere: idk who you are but
die6: im seungmin!
die6: from choir!!
die6: the one who sits in front of you
stillhere: *squints*
stillhere: oh its you
stillhere: you can have 0.25 of my braincell then
stillhere: god knows they need it
babysharkeu: *woojin
stillhere: what
babysharkeu: WOOJIN GOD
stillhere: CHAN THIS IS CREEPY
catpain: you get used to it after a while
smol: no you dont
smol: you just learn to ignore them
stillhere: im LEAVING
smol: your name suggests otherwise
stillhere: :(
stillhere: channie ur children are bullying me
catpain: they arent my children
yeet: CHAN HYUNG WHAT
babysharkeu: ARE YOU DISOWNING US?
dramallama: MY ENTIRE LIFE IS A LIE
notstraight: that means you cant take away my producing stuff!
die6: yall stupid
smol: ur stupider
die6: i will murder you
stillhere: NO MURDERING EACH OTHER
stillhere: and chan they are your children
catpain: plz help me
stillhere: i dont even know any of them
catpain: oh right!
catpain: OKAY IDIOTS WHOS NEXT
catpain: MINHO
catpain: YOUR TURN
toolgarden: sir yessir
toolgarden: i will grace you all with my heavenly visuals
smol: stfu and just do it
toolgarden: i will take my rake and plunge it into your tiny chest asshole
stillhere: NO MURDURING
babiesharkeu: character development
smol: shush
babiesharkeu: CHANNIE HYUNG CHANGBIN HYUNG IS BULLYISMING MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
catpain: changbin
smol: i-
smol: didnt even say anything
smol: #savechangbin2020
die6: #killchangbin2020
stillhere: STOP IT
stillhere: minho send ur information now
toolgarden: oooh bossy
toolgarden: me likey ;)
stillhere: *wheeze*
stillhere: CURSED
toolgarden: lmao
toolgarden: Lee Minho, 15, 11th, October 25
toolgarden: and here is a picture of my hot self
toolgarden:
notstraight: im not striught
notstraight: *not straight
toolgarden: wbk
notstraight: *SCREECH*
toolgarden: WHY ARE YOU SCREECHING
notstraight: CAUSE U HOT
notstraight: *LE GASP*
notstraight: WOWWWWW HES HOT
catpain: *hot hot*
smol: *hot hot*
notstraight: SCREEEEEEEEE 3RACHA
catpain: ASSEMBLE
smol: SIR YESSIR
smol: *salutes*
stillhere: aaaand im leaving
catpain: nOoOoOOoooOoO
catpain: stay
catpain: please?
stillhere: ….
stillhere: fine
catpain: (^▽^)
stillhere: (^▽^)
babysharkeu: this is character development, everyone
babysharkeu: CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT I SAY
smol: OKAY SCREW WOOCHAN DADs
smol: ITS MY TURN FISHIES
yeet: fishy boi
smol: no u
smol: also
smol: Seo Changbin, 15, August 11, 10th
smol:
notstraight: HAHAHA PIZZA
smol: grr
catpain: oh are we bringing grr back?
yeet: pizza?
yeet: i like pizza
smol: im not a pizza
yeet: hmm good
yeet: if you were a pizza i’d have to like you
yeet: and im not ready for commitment
smol: wtf?
stillhere: LANGUAGE
smol: sry DAD
stillhere: channie’s ur dad
stillhere: not me
babysharkeu: character development: FAILED HAH
Notes:
lmao im not funny
also i dont have social media but i made another email for this purposes
[email protected] talk to me im boredanygays drop a comment belowww idk what im doing but wtv kay bye
stay safe everyone <3
edit: i just watched the go trailer and OH MY GOODNES EVERYONE LOOKS SO DAMN FINE jeongin when did you get hot STOP IT
and can we PLEASE talk about hyunjin's hair?? like oh my GOODNESS THANK YOU STYLISTS IM NOT COMING FOR YOU ANYMORE
Chapter 2: Woochan Kermit Memes
Summary:
catpain: yes they are
stillhere: no they arent!
catpain: why wont you marry me
stillhere: WHAT?
catpain: marry me woojinnie~
Notes:
woojin: stillhere G12
chan: catpain/CB97 G12
minho: toolgarden G11
changbin: smol/Spearb G10
hyunjin: dramallama G9
jisung: notstraight/Jone G9
felix: yeet G9
seungmin: die6 G9
jeongin: babysharkeu G9
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
“Not Straight Kids, Stray Kids” - Han Jisung (9) 4:30 pm
stillhere: this is a complete mess
smol: no u
stillhere: do you just go around picking fights with people for fun?
smol: idk im bored
stillhere: arent we all
smol: idk are you?
stillhere: i am
smol: you
stillhere: what>
smol: idk what
stillhere: chan are your children smart or dumb
catpain: dumb
catpain: and smart at the same time
stillhere: oh god
notstraight: *woojin
stillhere: oh woojin??
stillhere: what?
stillhere: channie theres something wrong with your children
catpain: theyre your children now
stillhere: no they arent
catpain: yes they are
stillhere: no they arent
catpain: yes they are
stillhere: no they arent!
catpain: why wont you marry me
stillhere: WHAT?
catpain: marry me woojinnie~
stillhere: chan we dont even know each other
stillhere: quoting else, “you can’t marry a man you just met”
babysharkeu: yeah hyung take him on a date first
stillhere: yeah chan
stillhere: wait
Stilhere: oh waut what
notstraight: oh?
notstraight: gay panicc much?
stillhere: NO I AM NOT A PANICKED GAY
stillhere: i’m paNSEXUAL
stillhere: and im OCNFIDENT
die6: *confident
die6: it doesnt seem like ur confident hyung
stillhere: ugh
stillhere: chan i hate your kids
stillhere: take me out on a date first and maybe ill reconsider
catpain: oh wait you were serious?
stillhere: …
stillhere: you werent?
stillhere: um well this is awkward
stillhere: ill just leave now yeah thats great aha
stillhere has left the chat! Chan you are a big dumb!
catpain: …
catpain: oh shit
catpain: even the app knows i fucced up
die6: ADD HIM BACK WE NEED OUR SECOND DAD
babysharkeu: I HAD MY ‘I ♡ MY GAY DADS’ POSTER READY
babysharkeu: ADD HIM BACK YOU DUMMY
catpain: shoot shoot shoot
toolgarden: wait hyung
catpain: yeah?
toolgarden: do you want to date him?
catpain: yes…
catpain: he’s really nice and sweet
catpain: and has the most heavenly vocals ever
catpain: and he’s sarcastic and funny and really supportive and i really like him and the only reason i made this chat was so i could talk to him without him being suspicious but now ive messed up again
catpain: im stupid
toolgarden: yes you are but you can always add him back
toolgarden: and explain everything to him
toolgarden: he wants to date you too, channie
catpain: mkay
catpain: sry guys
yeet: you have nothing to apologize for chan hyung!!
yeet: we all make mistakes smtimes
yeet: now go get my second dad back or ill run you over with my fast and furious cars
catpain: *sigh*
catpain: sir yessir
babysharkeu: I WANT WOOJINNIE HYUNG BACK
babysharkeu: CHANNIE HYUNGGGG
notstraight: oop you made tha baby mad
catpain: sry sry sry guys
catpain added stillhere to the chat! Good job, chan!
catpain:
catpain: WOOJINNIE
catpain: IM SO SORRY
catpain: i really do wanna date you
catpain: let me take you to a restaurant please
stillhere: …
stillhere: kermit memes?
catpain: yes
catpain: kermit memes
stillhere: ur dumb channie
stillhere: and im now positive youve been stalking me
catpain: guilty as charged :(
stillhere: but its okay
stillhere: you get one last chance channie
stillhere: take me to a restaurant
stillhere:
catpain: the italian one?
catpain: with the lady with the wooden spoons?
stillhere: you know the way to my heart, channie
stillhere: i’m also not sure how to feel about that since i know youve been keeping an eye on me fr four years
stillhere: chan stalking is BAD okay?
catpain: :(
catpain: im really sorry
catpain: i wasnt doing anything creepy
stillhere: ik channie
stillhere: im still here so its okay
stillhere: just dont do it again
catpain: okayyyyy
catpain: also since were on the topic of kermit memes
babysharkeu: CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT
die6: yes character development!
die6: screw my het parents
die6: i now have two gay days
die6: *dads
stillhere: i-
stillhere: am i really your dad now
yeet: YES
yeet: please?
catpain: you should probably listen to them
catpain: theyre the most adorable kids
stillhere: i wouldnt know
stillhere: ive never seen them before
catpain: YES THAT IS RIGHT INTRODUCTIONS
catpain: HWANG HYUNJIN UR NEXT
dramallama: huh?
dramallama: oh gay dads cool
dramallama: woojin hyung i stan you
dramallama: woochan4eva
stillhere: …
stillhere: information?
dramallama: sry i was feeding kkami
dramallama: oh yes information!!
catpain: smh
dramallama: uwu
dramallama: hii im Hwang Hyunjin, 14, 9th, March 20
dramallama: aaand heres me!
dramallama:
dramallama: tada!!!
die6: hello everyone
die6: oh my god
die6: who is that
dramallama: me!!
die6: omg i know you!!
die6: ur in my history class!!
dramallama: who are you?
toolgarden: WHo
toolgarden: ARE
toolgarden: YOU
toolgarden: CAUSE UR NOT THE GIRL I FELL IN LOVE WITH BABY
toolgarden: STREAM MOTS7
notstraight: oohh i love fanboys
toolgarden: …
toolgarden: do you stan dancers?
notstraight: YOU DANCE?
dramallama: I DANCE
yeet: I DANCE
die6: hehehe jinx
babysharkeu: ew
smol: maknae line wilding
babysharkeu: ew
babysharkeu: boomer
smol: HEY
toolgarden: yes i dance
notstraight: wait
notstraight: are you straight?
catpain: oh my god hes growing up
catpain: WOOJINNIE HES GROWING UP
stillhere: date first, chan
catpain: sorry
toolgarden: ...do you think im straight?
notstraight: tbh no
notstraight: but the song…
toolgarden: im pan :)
toolgarden: it was just in the song
toolgarden: and ur bi
notstraight: yeah
catpain: please keep in mind that you guys are in HIGH SCHOOL
catpain: im not saying dont date
catpain: just...be careful
catpain: yall still have to take ur APs and tests and get into college and stuff
catpain: and i dont want any of you to get hurt
catpain: so just be careful, okay?
notstraight: kayy <3
stillhere: shit
stillhere: omg chan are you free rn?
catpain: yes?
stillhere: get ready
stillhere: we’re going out
catpain: where?
stillhere: on a mf date
stillhere: otherwise i might marry you rn
catpain: shit
catpain: getting ready
catpain: wait im sending you my address
catpain: address sent
stillhere: im coming for you, channie
babysharkeu:
babysharkeu: THAT WAS SO CUTE
yeet: even cuter than baby shark?
babysharkeu: yes
babysharkeu: woochan are my dads now
notstraight: USE PROTECTION
catpain: JISUNG NO
catpain: ALSO INTRODUCTIONS GUYS FINISH THEM COME ON NOW
stillhere: okay channie im omw
catpain: shit okay
catpain: almost done
catpain: JISUNG INTRO NOW
notstraight: okay okay dad
notstraight: hi im Han Jisung, 13, september 14th
notstraight: here is meeee
notstraight:
(AN: *wheeze* LOOK AT THAT SMILE LOOK AT THOSE CHEEKS OH MY GOODNESS HECK so precious uwuwuwuwuw kay im done hehehe)
toolgarden: damn baby you fine
notstraight: WHEEZE
toolgarden: why u wheezing
notstraight: you
notstraight: make my heart go boom boom
babysharkeu: oh worm?
notstraight: hakfjcjoehvrk,a im creepy arent i
toolgarden: no ur cute
notstraight: oh dear god
babysharkeu: *woojin hyung
notstraight: NO WE WERE HAVING A MOMENT
toolgarden: omg
toolgarden: precious boi
Toolgarden changed notstraight’s name to precious boi. MINSUNG RISE
Precious boi: u-uwu?
toolgarden: ur precious, darling
Precious boi: CHANNIE HYUNG HELOE MEEEE
toolgarden: ;)
Precious boi: (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄
Precious boi: omh
toolgarden: its nice to meet you jisungie
Precious boi: its nice to meet you too!
toolgarden: :)
Precious boi: :)
babysharkeu: AND THATS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT BOIS
yeet: on PERIODT
dramallama: yeet
yeet: WAIT JISUNG I FORGOT
Precious boi: me?
yeet: YEESSS
yeet: WE”RE A DAY APART
Precious boi: WHAT>
yeet: YEEEE ILL GO NECT
yeet: Lee Felix, 13, 9th, september 15th
yeet:
yeet: ONE DAY APRT
yeet: WERE TWINSIES
Precious boi: OH MY GDODS
Precious boi: WE’RE TWINS
Precious boi: aND UR SO CUTE OMGGGG THOSE HANDS
yeet: OMG NO U
yeet: UR CHEEKS UWUWUWU
Precious boi: UWU
catpain: oh did the sunshine twins find each other?
catpain: cool
stillhere: channie you need to order
catpain: oop sry woojinnie
stillhere: (^▽^)
stillhere: its okay!!
babysharkeu:
babysharkeu: *dolphin screams*
babysharkeu: UWUWUWUWUUWU
smol: hello fishies im back
yeet: omg its the pizza!
smol: *sigh*
smol: but also
smol: *pizza hyung
yeet: uwu sry pizza hyung
smol: smh
smol: wait is that you?
smol: felix?
yeet: uwu thats mee
smol: ah
3RACHA (3) 4:45pm
Spearb: CHAN WHO IS HE
Spearb: I WANT TO GLOMP HIM
Jone: SCREEEEEEECHHHHHH
Jone: CHANGBIN HYUNG
Spearb: YES?
Jone: MINHO HYUNG
Spearb: FELIX
catpain: ahahaha good you founf each other
catpain: good
Spearb: hyung ur sus
Jone: chan what do i dooooooooo
Jone: i like him ;(
CB97: calm tf down jisung
CB97: you are 14 years old
CB97: you have plenty of time
CB97: take it slow
Spearb: like you and woojin hyung?
CB97: …
CB97: thats different
CB97: me and woojin have been aquaintences for a long time
CB97: we’re also in our last year of hs
CB97: were graduating this yr…
CB97: and we probably arnet going to the same college
“Not Straight Kids, Stray Kids” -Han Jisung (9) 5:01
stillhere: why does channie look sad?
stillhere: who made him sad?
babysharkeu: ? no one said anything tho so idk
stillhere: hmm
stillhere: okay
3RACHA (9) 5:02
Jone: thats true…
Jone: go back to woojin hyung
Jone: he thinks ur sad
Spearb: yeah go enjoy ur date hyung
Spearb: get ur mans
CB97: smh
CB97: luv you foold
Jone: uwu
Jone: luve you to hyungie <3
Notes:
lmao dont expect this in the future im just hella bored and procrastinating on science
as always [email protected] is meeee come talk to meeee
and go read FAZ and sunlight uwu (shameless self-promotion amirite)
and if you have any ideas or stuff please commenttttttt or easter eggs of jokes or wtv
this wasnt very cracky sry lol
kay byeeee stay safe everyone <3
Chapter 3: Let Jeongin have his turn ffs
Summary:
Piggie Binnie: SHES HOT
Squirrel Sungie: HOT HOT
Kitty Lixie: thank you girlfriend and soulmate
Piggie Binnie: wut?
Kitty Lixie: wut?
Notes:
woojin: stillhere G12
chan: catpain G12
minho: toolgarden G11
changbin: smol G10
hyunjin: dramallama G9
jisung: notstraight G9
felix: yeet G9
seungmin: die6 G9
jeongin: babysharkeu G9
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
“Not Straight Kids, Stray Kids”- Han Jisung (9)
die6: okay FINALLY my turn!!
die6: also @felix, jisung, we’re a week apart
notstraight: WHAT
yeet: WHAT
die6: uwuw
die6: hiiii
die6: Kim Seungmin, 13, 9th September 22nd
Precious boi: SCREEEEECHHH
toolgarden: why you screeching bby
Precious boi: SCREECH SCREECH
Precious boi: 1. Because me, felix, seungmin are september bois!
Precious boi: 2. BECAUSE YOU CALLED ME BBY AKGDEEUJANVC
toolgarden: ooh i see
toolgarden: ;)
Precious boi: UGH
dramallama: WAIT I FEEL LEFT OUTTTTT
Precious boi: hahahaha sucks for you
dramallama: >:(
die6: wait i have to send a picture!!
yeet: yes yes yes send plz!!
Precious boi: I WANNA SEE My TRIPLET
die6: uwuwu
die6:
(AN: LOOK AT THAT SMILE LOOK AT THAT INNOCENCE LOOK AT IT)
dramallama:
dramallama: HAVE THEM ALL
dramallama: UR SMILE IS SO PRECIOUS UWUWU
die6: *blushes*
die6: omg thank you!
die6: ur rlly pretty too!!
dramallama: *gasp*
dramallama: PRECIOUS
Precious boi: HEY THATS ME
Precious boi: BUT ALSO YES
Precious boi: UWU
yeet: OMG OMG 00 LINERS ASSEMBLE
dramallama: SIR YESSIR
Precious boi: SIR YESSIR
die6: SIR YESSIR!
yeet: YEEEETTTTTT
Yeet has made: 00 Liners!
Yeet has added: Precious boi, die6, and dramallama
Welcome, everyone! 00 Liners Assemble!!
00 Liners! (4) 5:13pm
yeet: hi everyone!!!
die6: hiiii
dramallama: uwuwu hiiii
Precious boi: !!! everyones here!!!
yeet: yeet!!!
Yeet changed their name to lixie
Lixie changed die6’s name to seungie
Lixie changed Precious boi’s name to sungie
Lixie changed dramallama’s name to jinnie
Lixie: 00 line assemble!
Seungie: here!
Sungie: here!
Jinnie: here!
Lixie: yay!
Lixie: okay POINT OF ORDER
Lixie: lets talk ships
Jinnie: wait what abt jeongin?
Lixie: OH SHIT U RIGHT
“Not Straight Kids, Stray Kids”- Han Jisung (9)
babysharkeu: and thats why im planning to kill the entire 00 line
smol: …
smol: innie are you okay?
babysharkeu: THEY IGNORED MEEEEE
yeet: SHIT JEONGIN IM SO SORRY
Precious boi: PLZ DONT KILL US
dramallama: omg omg im too beautiful to die
die6: contrary to my name, i dont wanna die :(
babysharkeu: hmph
babysharkeu: yall mean
toolgarden: lol you made the baby mad guys
yeet: WERE SORRYYYYYYY
yeet: please go, jeongin
babysharkeu: HMPH
babysharkeu: fine
babysharkeu: only because you asked
Precious boi: jeongin tsundere confirmed
babysharkeu: BITCH IM THIS CLOSE
stillhere: LANGUAGE
stillhere: oh its you jeongin
stillhere: whos bullying you, honey?
babysharkeu: DAD NUMERO ONE MY SAVIOR FROM THIS TERRIBLE HOUSEHOLD
babysharkeu: the entire 00 line forgot about me
stillhere: prepare to die
stillhere: except for seungmin
die6: yay!
stillhere: you need to give me the 0.25 braincell back before i kill you
catpain: woojin no murdering the children
stillhere: fine
smol: whipped
stillhere: BITCH I AM THIS CLOSE
smol: omg
smol: this is where the maknae learned it from
smol: shame on you woojin hyung
stillhere: chan we need to make a detour
catpain: …
catpain: to where?
stillhere: Home Depot
catpain: to get what exactly
stillhere: a rake
stillhere: or a chainsaw
smol: CHAN HYUNG IM SCARED HELP
catpain: woojin...no
stillhere: damn i tried
catpain: i-
catpain: okay then
babysharkeu: I HAVE TO SEND MY INFORMATION YOU BULLIES
smol: okay okay go ahead
babysharkeu: grr
babysharkeu: Yang Jeongin, 13, 9th, February 8th
babysharkeu:
babysharkeu: FINALLY
dramallama: OMG
dramallama: SUCH A CUTIE PIE
die6: UWUWUW BABIE
yeet: MUST PROTECC
Precious boi: SO ADORABLE
Precious boi: wait why are yoy in ninth then??
Precious boi: *you
babysharkeu: skipped kindergarten
yeet: OUR JEONGINNIE IS SO SMARTTT
catpain: have yall discovered yang jeongin?
catpain: oh you have
catpain: ISN”T HE ADORABLE?
stillhere: OKAY THATS IT
catpain: woojin?
stillhere: JEONGIN IS MY CHILD
stillhere: I WANT FULL CUSTODY
stillhere: GET YOUR ASS OUT OF HERE CHAN
catpain: HEY
babysharkeu: uwu
babysharkeu: no i want two dads
babysharkeu: i literally made a poster
stillhere: omg okay channie we can so parent
catpain: yay!
catpain: what abt the others?
stillhere: dont want them
stillhere: too problematic
yeet: HEY
Precious boi: HEY
dramallama: HEY
die6: hey!
babysharkeu: SEE??
babysharkeu: I WAS RIGHT
babysharkeu: the 00 line hyungs all share one braincell
babysharkeu: and its owned by kkami the dog
babysharkeu: which is the only reason i even follow hyunjin hyungs insta
babysharkeu: hyunjin hyunggg
dramallama: yes?
babysharkeu: post more of kkami
babysharkeu: i assure you that your followers will increase
catpain: uwu the baby is so smart
stillhere: uwuwu
stillhere: bye bye channieeeee
catpain: bye bye woojinnieee
toolgarden: im assuming the date went well?
catpain: yes!!
stillhere: yes!!
babysharkeu: MY TWO GAY DADS
smol: WAIT NO WHY IS JEONGIN THE ONLY ONE WITH WOOCHAN PARENTS
stillhere: i-
stillhere: yall want me too?
yeet: YES
Precious boi: YES YES YES
die6: YES WOOJIN HYUNG I ADMIRE YOU SO MUCH
dramallama: dont rlly know you but ur nice and will probaby get channie hyung to sleep so YES
toolgarden: im the wine aunt but yeah woochan dads
babysharkeu: I ALREADY MADE MY POSTER
smol: yes omg
stillhere: wel heck
stillhere: now im crying
smol: in the club
stillhere: i cant even get mad at you for that changbin
smol: uwu
catpain: NOOOO WHY ARE YOU CRYING?
stillhere: BECAUSE THE KIDS ARE BEING SO SWEET
catpain: OH MY GOD WOOJINNIEEEE
Stilhere: CHANNIEEEEE
catpain: <3 i like u
stillhere: <33 i like u 2
catpain: marry me?
stillhere: not yet channie
stillhere: wait for me?
catpain: ofc my dear woojinnie
catpain: be my boyfriend?
stillhere: ofc my dear channie
catpain: <3 *send hugs and kisses*
stillhere: <33 *sends hugs and kisses back*
toolgarden: and THAT, children
toolgarden: is how you squire a bf in one day
babysharkeu: im crying in the club
babysharkeu: who wanna join me?
yeet: ME
yeet: where you live innie
yeet: i wanna squish your cheeks
babysharkeu: uwu
babysharkeu: address sent! Go get your cuddles Felix!
babysharkeu: my mom isnt here today so come over!!
yeet: omg my dad isnt home here today either!
yeet: lemme just text him
yeet: okeee
yeet: im comin for ya
babysharkeu: uwu
babysharkeu: let urself in
babysharkeu: the code is 8934
yeet: kayy
stillhere: mkay im home
stillhere: my parents are not bombarding me with questions thankfully so
stillhere: alright so
stillhere: now that we have established that we are a family,
Stillhere changed the chat name to Crackhead Family! (OT9 uwuwuwuwu)
stillhere: is there something wrong with the app?
stillhere: it always shows those weird messages
toolgarden: *shrugs*
toolgarden: idk
toolgarden: what even is an OT9?
die6: its probably just glitching
die6: ignore it
stillhere: seungminnie i knew it was the right decision giving you the 0.25 of a braincell
stillhere: ur doing great sweeties
die6: *wheeze*
Precious boi: i need that copyrighted
die6: no
die6: there are lots of wheeze worthy moments
stillhere: okay shush im trying to THINK
stillhere: CHANNIE
catpain: ya?
stillhere: whos the mom and whos the dad
yeet: channie mom
yeet: woojinnie dad
stillhere: thank you felix
Stillhere changed catpain’s name to Mom
Stillhere changed their name to Dad
Mom: wait we’re doing this?
Dad: yes
Dad: its for the aesthetic channie
babysharkeu: duh
Dad: yes jeonginnie
Dad changed babysharkeu’s name to maknae
Maknae: beep beep im a sheep
yeet: YEEEE HAWWW
yeet: *gasp*
yeet: JISUNG
Precious boi: ya?
yeet: will
yeet: you
yeet: be
yeet: the
yeet: yee
yeet: to
yeet: my
yeet: haw
yeet: ?
Precious boi: *wipes tear*
Precious boi: ofc i will Felix
Precious boi: im so honored to have that title
yeet: omg
yeet: be my wife?
Precious boi: only if you be my wife back
yeet: ofc darling
Precious boi: my adorable anime waifu
Toolgarden: damn
toolgarden: jilix got married before woochan did
dramallama: jilix lesbians?
yeet: no
yeet: jilix pansexual and bisexual
yeet: we like men too
Precious boi: yep!
toolgarden: do you like me jisung?
Precious boi: ofc i do hyung!
toolgarden: good
Precious: (^▽^)
toolgarden: :)
Dad: as fun as this was
Dad: we are still not done
Stillhere changed toolgarden’s name to Wine Aunt
Wine Aunt: hello children
Wine Aunt: i have been reborn
Wine Aunt: this is my true self
Wine Aunt: cross me and perish
Wine Aunt: I am not a lesbian
Wine Aunt: men are trash
Precious boi: even me?
Wine Aunt: you are not a Man
Wine Aunt: you are an adorable baby squirrel uwu
Mom: DOESNT HE LOOK LIKE A SQUIRREL???
Mom: I FOUND HIM AT THE ZOO
Precious boi: YOU TOLD ME YOU GOT ME FROM WALMART
Mom: the walmart at the zoo
yeet: THERES A WALMART AT THE ZOO????
yeet: WHY WAS I NOT AWARE OF IT
Dad: hmm
Dad: how do i name the rest of the kids
yeet: am i ur favorite hyung?
Dad: hmm
Dad: you cause the least trouble
Dad changed yeet’s name to Favorite Child
Dad: aaand
Dad: the problem children
smol: THE PROBLEM CHILDREN???
Dad changed smol’s name to Problem Child 1
Dad changed Precious boi’s name to Problem Child 2
Problem Child 1: what
Dad: actually i dont like this
Problem Child 2: w h a t
Dad changed Problem Child 1’s name to piggie binnie
Dad changed Problem Child 2’s name to squirrel sungie
Dad changed yeet’s name to kitty lixie:
Dad changed dramallama’s name to llama jinnie
Dad changed die6’s name to puppy seungie
Dad: aww look at the family
Mom: you can call me a zookeeper
Dad: what?
Mom: nothing
Squirrel Sungie: 3RACHA ASSEMBLE
Piggie Binnie: SIR YESSIR
Mom: *salutes*
Dad: what even is a 3racha
Mom: our music producing group!
Kitty Lixie: PLAY WOW
Mom: NO
Dad: what’s wow?
Mom: NO
Mom: ABSOLUTELY NOT
Dad: oh?
Dad: i am: intrigued
Kitty Lixie: its channie hyung pretending to be straight
Mom: I AM PANSEXUAL
Mom: I LIKE GIRLS TOO
Kitty Lixie: but did you say that in wow?
Kitty Lixie: NOPE
Kitty Lixie: it was only
Kitty Lixie: “WOWWWW”
Piggie Binnie: SHES HOT
Squirrel Sungie: HOT HOT
Kitty Lixie: thank you soulmate and girlfriend
Piggie Binnie: wut?
Kitty Lixie: wut?
Squirrel Sungie: wut?
Maknae: yall gay
Maknae: same tho
Notes:
:)
i finished my math hw too and this is strangely addicting and an amazing stress reliever
so here ya go
ALSO: quick question: whats ur fav bts ship? ill need it for an arc of the story hehe feel free to put any ship you want (altho it does have to be limited to two ppl ex:namjin) thanks in advance everyone!!
also thank you for all the lovely comments on the previous chapters, as well as a 100 hits!! yay!
drop a comment below pleaseee and thank you for reading!
stay safe everyone <3
Chapter 4: I go to school, BOI
Summary:
Maknae: yeah
Maknae: dad’s a big fan
Maknae: i remember the time when he would NOT stop playing chicken noodle soup
Maknae: i would get home
Maknae: and the SECOND i walk thru the door
Maknae: CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP WITH A SODA ON THE SIDEE
Maknae: HE EVERN MEMORIZED THE SPANISH PARTS
Maknae: AND HE WAS ALWAYS DOING THE DANCE
Maknae: IT WAS TRAUMATIZING
Notes:
Woojin: Dad
Chan: Mom
Minho: Wine Aunt
Changbin: Piggie Binnie
Hyunjin: Llama Jinnie
Jisung: Squirrel Sungie
Felic: Kitty Lixie
Seungmin: Puppy Seungie
Jeongin: Maknae
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
00 line! (4) 10:05 pm
Lixie: okay i FINISHED ALL MY WORK YEE
Lixie: my mom came back too
Lixie: she was wearing her special dress today
Lixie: i think she had a date
Jinnie: oh?
Jinnie: did you see the date?
Lixie: no
Lixie: i was in my room
Sungie: is he hawt?
Lixie: I JUST SAID I DIDNT SEEE
Sungie: okay okay sry
Lixie: why are you invested in my mother’s love life
Lixie: *squints*
Lixie: ARE YOU DATING MY MOM???
Sungie: WTF NO
Crackhead Family (9) 10:07 pm
Dad: idk who it is
Dad: BUT STOP CUSSING
Kitty Lixie: omg
Kitty LIxie: woojin hyung are you psychic
Dad: yes
Piggie Binnie: WOOJIN HYUNG GOD CONFIRMED
Piggie Binnie: ASSEMBLEEEEEEE
Kitty Lixie: ur
Kitty Lixie: different
Piggie Binnie: everyones different
Piggie Binnie: im not special
Kitty Lixie: hmm
Kitty LIxie: an intellectual
Kitty Lixie: me likey
Squirrel Sungie: SEOLLENDA ME LIKEY
Puppy Seungie: ME LIKEY LIKEY LIKEY
Wine Aunt: DUGEUN DUGEUN DUGEUN
Maknae: HEART HEART
Kitty Lixie: yall passed the vibe check
Kitty Lixie: my family are icons bois
Dad: wbk
KItty Lixie: omg ur an intellectual hyung!!
Dad: duh
Dad: i go to school
Dad: BOI
Mom: KURVBKBKUUR
Mom: IM TELLING BAMBAM AHAHAHHAHA
Dad: ;)
Mom: *SCREECH*
Wine Aunt: why you screeching honey ;)
Mom:
Wine Aunt: oh its you
Wine Aunt: ew
Wine Aunt: nvm thought it was sungie
Squirrel Sungie: u-uwu
Wine Aunt: <3
00 Line! (4) 10:13pm
Sungie: 2-1-1 i have an emergency
Lixie: hello sir, what seems to be the problem
Sungie: my heart is going boom boom
Sungie: too fast
Sungie: i think im dying
Lixie: sir you arnet dying
Sungie: IS HE FLIRTING????
Lixie: *hangs up*
Lixie: tbh ya
Sungie: WHAT DO I DO
Lixie: GO ANSWER HIM BACK DUMBASS
Sungie: OH SHIT YEA
Crackhead Family (9) 10:15pm
Squirrel Sungie: <3
Squirrel Sungie: thx you
Wine Aunt: yw~
Squirrel Sungie: ahah
Squirrel Sungie: wait are felix and jeongin stil together?
Kitty Lixie: nope
Kitty Lixie: went back home after Jeongin’s dad came back
Maknae: it was weird
Maknae: ive never seen him look so happy
Wine Aunt: isnt that good?
Maknae: he was all dressed up too
Maknae: oh well
Maknae: at least he didnt bring some girl/guy back home
Wine Aunt: hes bi?
Maknae: my father is a pansexual mess
Dad: what
Maknae: not you hyung
Maknae: bio father
Maknae: hes where i get my energy from
Dad: oh i see
Dad: he sounds nice
Maknae: he is a pansexual mess
Maknae: HE DOESNT LET US EAT PANCAKES
Maknae: CAUSE HE SAYS THAT ITS CANNIBALISM
Maknae: ITS NOT CANNIBALISM FOR ME
Maknae: IM ACE
Maknae: AND GAY
Dad: smh
Dad: if you want pancakes innie then just come over
Dad: my parents dont really care what happens in the house anymore
Maknae: how come?
Dad: well every since tae hyung moved out
Dad: theyve loosened the reins on me
Dad: and i got good grades on all the standardized tests
Mom: MY BBY IS A SMART COOKIE
Dad: omg be quiet
Dad: embarrasing piece of shit
Mom: HEY
Wine Aunt: hes not wrong
Mom: >:(
Dad: </3
Dad: oh wait aha
Dad: <3
Mom: I CALL DIVORCE
Mom: wait SORRY
Mom: IM BREAKING UP WITH YOUUUUUUU
Dad: lol okay
Dad: dont miss me too much channie
Dad: ;)
Wine Aunt: oh?
Wine Aunt: when did woojin hyung become a confident pan?
Dad: since i realized chan was stalking me because he likes me
Dad: its fun to make him blush
Mom: eiurkvjwj
Squirrel Sungie: YES DAD
Squirrel Sungie: KILL HIM
Dad: …
Mom: …
Squirrel Sungie: :(
Squirrel Sungie: nuuuu
Squirrel Sungie: i wanted to take his producing stuff
Mom: i hate this flipping family
Dad: welp
Dad: got a bf and lost him
Dad: all in one day
Mom: ARE YOU BREAKING YP WITH MEE
Dad: UR THE ONE WHO SAID THAT UR ELAVING
(AN: keep in mind that these are hs seniors who have recently finished their junior year (read: hell) and their brains are probably still wiped out. They deserve every right to be a mess. smh)
Mom: BUT UR SUPPOSED TO CHASE AFTER ME
Wine Aunt: dont girls usually say that
Mom: GENDER EQUALITY
Mom: but i was kidding anyways
Mom: i would never leave you
Mom: seungmin would hunt me down if i did
Puppy Seungie: damn right I would
Maknae: GUYS
Maknae: I THINK MY DAD IS IN LOVE
Dad: what happened???
Maknae: he’s playing THE song
Dad: which song?
Maknae: the song he plays when someone boosts his ego
Maknae: basically when hes really happy
Maknae: its called EGO
Mom: by J-Hope?
Maknae: yeah
Maknae: dad’s a big fan
Maknae: i remember the time when he would NOT stop playing chicken noodle soup
Maknae: i would get home
Maknae: and the SECOND i walk thru the door
Maknae: CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP WITH A SODA ON THE SIDEE
Maknae: HE EVERN MEMORIZED THE SPANISH PARTS
Maknae: AND HE WAS ALWAYS DOING THE DANCE
Maknae: IT WAS TRAUMATIZING
Dad: oh dear
Dad: jeongin
Dad: just play baby shark
Maknae: ok hyung
Maknae: none of you know my pain
Kitty Lixie: ugh my mom is crying now
Dad: WHAT?
Dad: what is wrong with both or ur bio parents
Dad: my parents arent this weird
Dad: were a normal family
Kitty Lixie: shes playing SEESAW
Dad: by SUGA?
Kitty Lixie: yeah she loves him
Kitty Lixie: had the biggest celebrity crush on him last year
Kitty Lixie: its how i learned how to cuss
Kitty Lixie: she would play AGUST D on repeat at night
Kitty Lixie: smh
Kitty Lixie: mother thought she was subtle
Dad: oh my
Kitty Lixie: luckily she’s normal
Kitty Lixie: mostly
Kitty Lixie: anyways woochan are the best dads
Mom: *wipes tear*
Dad: you arent funny chan
Mom: :(
Dad: :)
Mom: why are you so mean to me
Dad: its my job
Mom: ugh
Maknae: i think the both of you should go to sleep
Mom: WHAT
Dad: NO
Mom: all of you children will wreck HAVOC in here
Dad: im pretty sure channie cant sleep anyways
Mom: how would you know that
Dad: i have my sources
Mom: were you stalking me
Dad: only ur insta
Mom:
Dad:
Mom: i think i need to sleep
Dad: i think you should go to sleep
Mom: can you come over?
Dad: parents wont mind?
Mom: parents dc
Mom: its senior yr
Mom: and theyre focused on rosie anyways smh
Mom: shes failing math
Dad: math?
Dad: what grade?
Mom: 8th
Dad: tell your parents she has a tutor
Dad: if they want
Mom: wat REALLY?
Mom: we’ve been trying to get her a tutor for AGES but theyre all gross
Mom: and theyre all men
Dad: …
Dad: am i not male
Mom: but ur my bf
Mom: you wont take advantage of her
Maknae: WE HAVE ANOTHER SIBLING?
Mom: technically shes ur aunt but….
Mom: shes ur age innie
Mom: i guess?
Dad: kay im coming
Wine Aunt: WAIT UR MEETING THE PARENTS ALREADY>???
Dad: i suppose so
Dad: channie needs the sleep >:(
Llama Jinnie: woojin hyung
Dad: yes?
Llama Jinnie: STAY OUR DADS FOREVER
Llama Jinnie: CHANNIE HYUNG NEVER SLEEPS AND WEVE BEEN TRYING TO SET HIM UP FOR AGES BUT HES ALWAYS SAID THAT HE LIKED YOU AND HE NEVER SLEEPS AND IM HONESTLY SO SURPRISED THAT HE’S EVEN ALIVE RN CAUS E HIS ENTIRE BLOODSTREAM IS COFFEEEEEE
Llama Jinnie: INNIE
Maknae: yes?
Llama Jinnie: WHERE IS YOUR POSTER
Maknae: at my house
Llama: were putting it on my insta
Llama Jinnie: bring it to school tmrw
Dad: oh my dear god
Dad: UWU I LOVE YOU CHILDREN
Mom: HURRY UP I WANNA SLEEP FOR ONCE
Dad: COMING
Kitty Lixie: IM SURE HES NYOOMING OVER THERE
Dad: *NYOOM*
KITTY LIXIE: UR MY FAVORITE DAD
Mom: HEY
Kitty LIXIE: I STAND BY MY CASE
Dad: and felix is now my favorite child
Dad changed Kitty Lixie’s name to Favorite Child (ew so cliche)
Dad: uwu
Favorite Child: uwu
Dad: minho
Wine Aunt: what
Wine Aunt: i was feeding my cats
Wine Aunt: i need to water my son
Squirrel Sungie: CAN I PLEASE CO PARENT
Wine Aunt: um
Wine Aunt: maybe
Squirrel Sungie: CAN I SEE YOUR CATS
Wine Aunt: tmrw
Squirrel Sungie: YAY
Dad: change the names for me
Wine Aunt: sir yessir
Wine Aunt changed Squirrel Sungie’s name to Problem Child 1
Wine Aunt changed Piggie Binnie to Problem Child 2:
Problem Child 2: wtf?
Dad: LANGUAGE CHANGBUN
Dad: *changbin
Favorite Child: AHAHA CHANGBUN
Favorite Child: so
Favorite Child: Changbun Pizza hyung
Problem Child 2: #savechangbin2020
Puppy Seungie: *#killchangBUN2020
Wine Aunt: lmaooo
Problem Child 1: MINHO HYUNG
Problem Child 1: YOU WERE THE ONLY ONE I COULD TRUST
Problem Child 1: EXCEPT FOR MY WIFE
Favorite Child: <3
Problem Child 1: <33
(AN: JILIX YES YES YESSSSSSSS)
Wine Aunt: sry sungie
Wine Aunt: daddy’s orders
Problem Child 2: *WHEEZE*
Problem Child 2: CURSED
Wine Aunt: ;)
Problem Child 1: oh god
Problem Child 2: *woojinhyung
Problem Child 1: stfu pizza hyung
Problem Child 2: only felix can call me that
Favorite Child: what abt me?
Favorite Child” o-owo?
Wine Aunt: CHANGBUN CONFIDENT GAYYY
Favorite Child: OWO???
Problem Child 1: WIFEY
Favorite Child: yes my dear wife?
Problem Child 1: I KNOW WE’RE MARRIED
Problem Child 1: BUT I WILL GLADLY LET YOU HAVE CHANGUN AS UR SIDE HOE
Favorite Child: *choke*
Wine Aunt: kinky
Maknae: NO HYUNG NO
Maknae: AHIURBJKJRKJHV
Favorite Child: ONLY IF MINHO HYUNG CAN BE UR SIDE HOW
Problem Child 1: DEAL
Favorite Child: DEAL
Wine Aunt: hecc
(AN: MINSUNG RISE BITCH)
(AN: CHANGLIX RIISSEEEEEEEEEEEEE)
Notes:
i go to school, BOI
bambam is an ICON
also wth i havent written FAZ or sunlight since i started this fic and i really should but this is fun oof
anyways drop a comment i love talking to you guyss thank you fro 200 hits and almost 30 kudos!! ily all
email's the same as always, hmu im bored
stay safe everyone <3!!
Chapter 5: Talks
Summary:
Changbin: hold up lemme just get my popcorn
Minho: what
Minho: wtf??Changbin: okay im back
Changbin: this is practically a drama
Changbin: please continue
Notes:
chapter for lovelyleeknow because chia is Big Dumb and they're amazing (love ya <3)
Woojin: Dad G12
Chan: Mom G12
Minho: Wine Aunt G11
Changbin: Piggie Binnie G10
Hyunjin: Llama Jinnie G9
Jisung: Problem Child 1 G9
Felic: Favorite Child G9
Seungmin: Puppy Seungie G9
Jeongin: Maknae G9
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Previously on *insert* :
Favorite Child: ONLY IF MINHO HYUNG CAN BE UR SIDE HOE
Problem Child 1: DEAL
Favorite Child: DEAL
Wine Aunt: hecc
CrackHead Family (9) 10:57
Favorite Child: *hoe
Favorite Child: @Wine Aunt
Favorite Child: you okay there
Wine Aunt: yes
Wine Aunt: perfectly fine
Problem Child 1: SO WILL YOU BE MY SIDE HOE?
Wine Aunt: um
Wine Aunt: i thought you wanted to co parent the plant son?
Problem Child 1: oh REALLY???
Problem Child 1: I CAN??
Wine Aunt: um
Wine Aunt: yes
Wine Aunt: yes yes sure
Wine Aunt: you can come ober after school tmrw?
Wine Aunt: my parents will probably be out
Wine Aunt: if not theyll coddle you
Problem Child 1: uwu
Problem Child 1: love being coddled
Wine Aunt has created a chat with Problem Child 2 for ranting purposes!
Wine Aunt has changed their name to Minho
Wine Aunt has changed Problem Child 2’s name to Changbin
Wine Aunt has named the chat: Help
Help (2) 11:00
Changbin: hyung?
Changbin: whats this
Minho: hi so i know we dont know each other that well
Changbin: we’re friends now tho, hyung
Changbin: calm down
Minho: can you keep a secret?
Changbin: is this about Jisung?
Minho: am i that obvious?
Changbin: yes
Changbin: luckily for you jisung is oblivious
Changbin: rant all you want hyung
Changbin: even though im a replacement for chan hyung
Minho: …
Minho: changbin
Minho: you arent just a replacement for chan
Minho: you know that right?
Changbin: the only reason ur coming to me is because chans asleep
CHangbin: and woojins the one who put him to sleep
Changbin: also asleep
Minho: that might have been the reason why I made the chat
Minho: and yeah thats why i came to you
Minho: but also because i want to get to know you better
Minho: ur an interesting guy
Minho: and you like felix
Minho: who is my beloved dongsaeng
Changbin: am i really that obvious?
Minho: yes
Minho: and we will talk about that after
Minho: please dont think of yourself as just a replacement changbin
Minho: okay?
Changbin: okay
Minho: dont believe you but i will accept it
Minho: im taking screenshots bitch
Changbin: smh
Changbin: ur an interesting hyung
Minho: good
Minho: you wont get bored of me then
Changbin: i doubt any of us would get bored of you
Changbin: jisungie likes you too much
Minho: hes only acting like that because i have plants
Minho: and cats
Changbin: whatever you say hyung
Changbin: now tell me about him
Changbin: hes my best friend
Changbin: i need to make sure ur good enough for him
Minho: im probably not
Changbin: ill decide that
Changin: not you
Minho: well
Minho: hes adorable as fuck
Minho: hes blunt
Minho: he didnt even know me and he asked me to coparent with him???
Minho: that just stood out to me
Minho: cause no one approaches me ya know
Minho: and it was just nice…
Changbin: hold up lemme just get my popcorn
Minho: what
Minho: wtf??
Changbin: okay im back
Changbin: this is practically a drama
Changbin: please continue
Minho: um okay
Minho: anyways his entire personality is just
Minho: i cant describe it with my limited vocabulary ahah
MInho: but hes just so adorable and outstanding
Minho: and he even LOOKS like a squirrel
Minho: that just adds to his cuteness??
Minho: he seems charismatic
Minho: i only have a tiny crush on him and stuff
Minho: but im sure itll grow
Minho: into...smth bigger
Minho: hes just rlly precious
Minho: and easy to talk to
Minho: and he makes me gay panic
Minho: i never gay panic
Minho: and hes in a music group
Minho: which is very talented
Minho: he is very talented
Minho: okay um thats it
Changbin: i think you need to chill tf out
Minho: what
Minho: ?
Changbin: ur fine
Changbin: you like him for his personality
Changbin: while his appearance obviously played a factor in your likeness of him
Changbin: the attraction started from the personality
Changbin: i think ur alright right now
Minho: …
Minho: thank you
Changbin: anytime hyung
Minho: now
Minho: lets talk changlix
Changbin: theres no point in trying to escape is there?
Minho: no
Minho: felix is like a brother to me
Minho: and i need to make sure ur good enough for him
Changbin: well
Changbin: hes interesting
Changbin: tbh ik i said that i liked him
Changbin: but im not really sure
Changbin: and unless im reading things wrong
Changbin: hes interested in me
Changbin: right?
Minho: from what i can see…
Minho: yes
Minho: mind you hes usually a panicked gay
Minho: for some reason hes flirting blatantly
Changbin: thought so
Changbin: im not going to say anything to him until i figure out how i feel
Minho: hmm
Minho: ur good for him
Minho: both of you are good for each other
Changbin: thank you
Changbin: i like to think that im emotionally stable
Minho: i think you are
Minho: also
Minho: you arent uncomfortable with the flirting?
Minho: the kids will start shipping very soon
Changbin: no
Changbin: its flattering
Changbin: thinking that people think that someone could like me
Changbin: or that me and someone else would look good together
Minho: ur an amazing person binnie
Minho: none of us will let you forget that
Changbin: hyung
Minho: yes?
Changbin: …
Changbin: this was nice
Changbin: would it be okay if we talked again?
Minho: for someone emotionally stable
Minho: u sure are dumb
Changbin: :/
Changbin: im just asking!!
Changbin: why u bully me
Changbin: #savechangbun2020
Changbin: shit
Changbin:*changbin
Minho: AHAHHAHA
Minho: im screenshotting that
Changbin: ugh
Changbin: i hate u
Minho: luv ya too <3
Changbin: hmph
Crackhead Family (9) 11:35
Problem Child 1: why is the chat dead
Wine Aunt: go to sleep
Favorite Child: YOU CANT SEE ME
Wine Aunt: …
Wine Aunt: felix
Wine Aunt: you are sleep deprived
Wine Aunt: go to sleep
Favorite Child: :(
Favorite Child: but i dont wanna
Wine Aunt: felix…
Wine Aunt: i WILL go to your house
Wine Aunt: your mother loves me
Favorite Child: i cant sleep
Wine Aunt: im omw
Wine Aunt: i want everyon off this chat
Wine Aunt: otherwise i will pull a Chan
Problem Child 1: and do what?
Wine Aunt: you dont want to know
Problem Child 1: :(
Wine Aunt: sorry cutie
Wine Aunt: but also
Wine Aunt: i had a job to do
Wine Aunt has changed Puppy Seungie’s name to Satan
Wine Aunt had changed Llama Jinnie’s name to Dramatic
Wine Aunt: not very family-ish
Wine Aunt: but there’s always a satan and a dramatic in the family
Wine Aunt: good night everyone <3
Favorite Child: minho hyungiieeeeeeeee
Favorite Child: hehehe
Favorite Child: dyu even vscoooo
Favorite Child: skskskksksksks
Wine Aunt: see felix?
Wine Aunt: this is what happens when you dont sleep before 11
Wine Aunt: get in bed
Favorite Child: okay hyung~
Wine Aunt: i texted ur mom
Wine Aunt: try and get some sleep
Favorite Child: okay hyungie
Favorite Child: <3
Wine Aunt: take care everyone
Wine Aunt: <3
Notes:
hello everyoneeeee
i wrote this in like 30 min ahahah because i finished my hw :)
im very proud to say that i wrote a bit of FAZ (chapter hopefully on saturday!!) and a bit more of sunlight (chapter date unknown!)
anyways yeah
you can than lovelyleeknow and seungminis for this chapter
it was supposed to be crack idk what happened but oh well hope you enjoyed it anyways!!
drop a comment belowww on ur favorite kpop ship(s) please and thank you! (preferably 3rd gen) and not sope (that ones taken)
thanks in advance and stay safe everyone!!!
Chapter 6: Wookisses <3
Summary:
Problem Child: I KISSED A BOY AND I LIKED IT
Problem Child 1: i didnt have a gf at that time BUT STILL
Problem Child 1: KATY PERRY IS THE ONLY REASON IM BISEXUAL AND NOT HOMO
Notes:
so i made a mistake in the introductions in earlier chaptersss
since its the first week of school (september 1st), september bois are not yet 14 and minchan are 15 and 16, respectively
sorry for the confusion! (i fixed it in the earlier chapters btw so i hope it didnt cause too much trouble :D )Woojin (17): Dad
Chan (16): Mom
Minho (15): Wine Aunt
Changbin (15): Problem Child 2
Hyunjin (14): Dramatic
Jisung (13): Problem Child 1
Felix (13): Favorite
Seungmin(13): Satan
Jeongin (13): Maknae
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Friday, September 1st (one week of school in)
Minho put his phone away after texting the group chat goodbye, shoving his hands in the pockets of his hoodie. This happened every single time Felix didn’t go to bed before his bedtime. He walked softly to his parents room, pressing an ear against the door. The sounds of light breathing filtered through quietly, and Minho smiled. He opened the door softly, releasing a breath when it didn’t creak, and set a note on their bedside table.
“Bye Mom. Bye Dad. Have a wonderful sleep.” He kissed both of them on the cheek, then tiptoed out the door. Outside, he was faced with a very important decision. Was he going to walk to Felix’s house in his pajamas, or take the car, be warm, and waste gas?
Minho pulled his hoodie tighter around himself, deciding to face the cold like some kind of anime protagonist. He would brave the harsh winds, and save money for his entire family. He would sacrifice his comfort for the people he loved and held close to him.
Minho began walking towards Felix’s house. It was a good thing they were neighbors. Minho had been to Felix’s house to help him sleep too many times to count. His mother had practically adopted him as another son, too used to him barging through the door in his pajamas, messy haired.
Minho shivered, pouting up at the clouds. He was very, very, very glad that him and Felix were neighbors. September was still technically summer, why was it so cold?
He made it to the Lee residence in five minutes flat, a new personal record. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a cat sneering at him. He growled back at it. “Stop judging me, kitty. I had to run all the way here from my house. Do you know how far that is?” He asked, kneeling down in front of the feline.
The cat looked back at him, unamused. It flicked its tail and turned around, stalking back into the darkness.
Minho scoffed and turned to open the door. It swung open easily, and Minho shook his head. Stupid Lees and their skewed sense of security .
Minho stepped inside the house. The lights were still on, Felix’s mother sitting on the dining table, typing furiously on her laptop. She turned to Minho, giving him a thankful smile.
“Oh Minho. You’re here again today?” He nodded, bowing to her. “Thank you for having me, Auntie Yoonji.” Yoonji flipped her short hair back behind her, turning to her laptop. “Of course, Minho.”
Minho smiled. Typical.
He made it to Felix’s room, sighing in relief when the lights were off. Not bothering to knock, Minho pushed open the door to reveal a burrito blanket version of Felix, curled up into a small ball, earphones in his ears. Minho padded over to the bed and untangled a portion of the blanket, sliding in. Felix mumbled, sliding closer to his hyung and curling into him. Minho pulled Felix closer, tucking his head into himself. “Go to sleep, Felix.” Felix mumbled something unintelligible, something that sounded strangely like “don’t value sleep.” Minho frowned at him. “Felix, you need to value your sleep. Just because you’re in high school now doesn’t mean you suddenly aren’t going to sleep.” Felix huffed and closed his eyes. Minho rolled his eyes.
---
Saturday, September 2nd 3:07 am
Yoonjin opens the door quietly, smiling softly when she sees her son and Minho curled up together. She walks into the room, pressing a kiss on both of their foreheads, tucking the blankets closer around them.
“Sleep well, boys.”
---
Crackhead Family (9) 8:39 am
Dad: good morning america
Dad: how is everyone doing on this fine day?
Wine Aunt: ugh stfu hyung felix is sleepin
Dad: its nearly nine…
Dad: why are you not awake
Wine Aunt: is chan awake
Dad: no
Dad: i let him sleep
Dad: his parents are really nice
Dad: ive been talking to them for thirty minutes now
Wine Aunt: then go talk to them more and let us sleep
Wine Aunt: ugh
Wine Aunt: felixs up
Favorite Child: its too early for this
Dad: get some more sleep felix
Dad: also ur name is getting way too long for poor chia to type
Dad changed Favorite Child’s name to Favorite (thank god)
Dad: there
Dad: much better
Favorite: whos chia
Dad: amazing
Dad: talented
Dad: ;)
Favorite: are they your friend hyung?
Dad: oh yeah
Dad: she loves me
Mom: do i have hecking competition
Dad: uwu no ofc not
Dad: im too amazing for her
Mom: fantastic
Mom: im going back to sleep
Mom: tell mom to make pancaked
Dad: *pancakes
Dad: will do
Favorite: ?
Favorite: okay then
Dad: dont worry about her
Favorite: okay hyungie
Wine Aunt: felix im going down
Favorite: okay hyung
Wine Aunt: i think auntie yoonjis making pancaked
Favorite: OMG IM COMING WITH YOU
Favorite: MOM nEVER MAKES PANCAKES
Wine Aunt: she usually makes them when im here tho
Favorite: yeah
Favorite: thats like the whole point
Favorite: smh
Wine Aunt: do we need to get you off tik tok
Favorite: NOOOOO
Favorite: i like tik tok T_T
Mom: i want pancaked
Dad: im helping make pancakes
Dad: your mom is so nice omg
Mom: yes
Mom: she is
Mom: is rosie awake ys?
Mom: *yet
Dad: i think shes just coming down the stair rn
Dad: oh there she is
Dad: aww shes so smol
Mom: rosie is very small
Mom: tell her to bring me pancakes
Dad: come down here urself omg
Dad: and brush your teeth for heavens sake chan
Mom: ugh
Dad: ill kiss you if you do?
Mom: suddenly im wide awak
Problem Child 1: IM WIDE AWAKE
Problem Child 1: STAN KATY PERRY
Problem Child 1: SHES A QUEEN
Wine Aunt: katy perry is iconic
Problem Child 1: YES SHE IS
Help (2) 8:49 am
Minho: omg he likes katy perry
Changbin: he worships katy perry
Changbin: is obsessed with her
Changbin: shes the only reason he isnt gay
Changbin: lemme guess
Changbin: you like her too?
Minho: she is an ICON
Changbin: *sigh*
Changbin: well
Changbin: minsung rise i guess
Minho: why thank you
Changbin: i will crush you if you hurt him
Minho: i would never
Minho: but noted
Crackhead Family (9) 8:54 am
Problem Child 1: WHATS UR FAVORITE KP SONG
Wine Aunt: hmm
Wine Aunt: wide awake
Wine Aunt: yours?
Problem Child 1: I KISSED A GIRL
Wine Aunt: ofc
Problem Child 1: its how i knew i was bi
Wine Aunt: ??
Problem Child: I KISSED A BOY AND I LIKED IT
Problem Child 1: i didnt have a gf at that time BUT STILL
Problem Child 1: KATY PERRY IS THE ONLY REASON IM BISEXUAL AND NOT HOMO
Help (2) 8:57 am
Changbin: told you
Minho: oh my god
Crackhead Family (9) 8:58 am
Wine Aunt: omg okay
Wine Aunt: my gay awakening was Robert Downey Jr
Mom: IRON MAN ON THE STREETS BUT IM BETTER THAN TONY
Mom: ;)
Mom: if you get my drift
Problem Child 1: get the drip karen
Dad: chan what the hell
Mom: oop
Mom: i think ill go back to my pancakes efukvdckjyoyvs
Dad: um okay
Maknae: GOOD MORNING LADIES
Maknae: HOW IS EVERYONE DOING ON THIS FINE DAY
Maknae: MY FATHER IS PLAYING MF CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP AGAIN
Maknae: i want to die
Dad: LANGUAGE innie
Dad: you are only 13!!
Dad: AND THAT REMINDS ME
Dad: THIS CHAT NEEDS TO REMAIN PG 13 RATED
Dad: ANYTHING ABOVE NEEDS TO BE TAKEN AWAY
Mom: ;)
Dad: chan i will pour orange juice over your head
Mom: omg im sorry
Mom: AHHH NOW MY MOM IS GIVING ME THE LOOK
Dad: i love your mom
Dad: o(〃^▽^〃)o
Mom: i hate this fucking family
Dad: I WILL SMASH THIS PITCHER OVER YOUR HEAD
Mom: OH SHIT HES HOLDING IT
Dad: CHAN!
Mom: sorry sorry sorry
Maknae: CHAN HYUNG
Maknae: DID YOU GET YOUR WOOJIN KISSES
Maknae: *gasp*
Maknae: WOOKISSES
(AN: i took that from somewhere idk where tho...probably from one of you three @pri, miles, jem)
Mom: YES I GOT MY WOOKISSES
Mom: THEY WERE GREAT
Maknae: EW TMI
Mom: …
Mom: you were the one who ASKED
Maknae: t
Maknae: m
Maknae: i
Dad: chan eat your pancakes
Mom: sir yessir
Mom: *salutes*
Dad: flipping 3racha
Dramatic: wut
Dramatic: why r we flipping 3racha
Dramatic: I THOUGHT WE WERE FLIPPING PANCAKES
Dad: …
Dad: hyunjin go back to your pancakes
Dramatic: okay
Dramatic: i will continue
Dramatic: to work
Dramatic: without pay
Dramatic: NO ONE LOVES ME
Satan: i do bitch
Satan: wait
Satan: whats happening
Dramatic: wut
Satan: wut
Dad: oh my god
Problem Child 1: OH MY GOOOOOODDDDD
Wine Aunt: SHE TOOK ME TO THE SKYYYYY
Problem Child 2: OH MY GOOOOOOODDDDD
Mom: SHE SHOWED ME ALL THE STARSSSS
Dramatic: im lesbia for g-idle
Dramatic: g-idle are GAY
Dramatic: odigvkjdvh
Dramatic: sry yeji took my phone
Dad: yeji?
Dad: whos that
Mom: i keep forgetting you barely know these kids
Mom: hwang yeji
Mom: his twin sister
Dramatic: shes lesbian
Dramatic: if you didnt notice before
Mom: is she okay with you saying that???
Dramatic: how should i know
Dramatic: i didnt ask
Mom: omg
Dramatic: shes a bitch
Dad: PG 13
Dramatic: im 14
Dad: exactly
Dad: watch your language kid
Dramatic: sure
Dramatic: ALSO
Dramatic: @Satan
Dramatic: you love me?
Satan: wut
Satan: idk did i
Dramatic: idk did you
Satan: idk im asking you
Dramatic: oh idk then
Satan: okay then
Problem Child 1: OK BOOMER
Dad: none of us are boomers though?
Problem Child 1: you act like it
Dad: i do NOT
Problem Child 1: yes you do
Dad: i do not kdkvuv rhn
Problem Child 1: woojin hyung?
Dad: sinrmvmisdhfeh
Dad: smvhoruvinajd
Dramatic: omg is that morse code?
Problem Child 1: no its not idiot
Problem Child 1: morse code is in like
Problem Child 1: beeps
Satan: beeps wth no
Satan: its either dots or lines dumbass
Dad: LANGAUWEKJH
Problem Child 1: omg he managed to type half of the word out
Problem Child 1: WHAT IF HES BEEN KIDNAPPED
Problem Child 1: OMG WHAT IF ITS LIKE LAST TIME
Satan: ur not supposed to mention that!!
Satan: that was like the very first rule OMG
Problem Child 1: omg shoot yeah
Problem Child 1: how dyu delete messages using this ahcdivm
Dramatic: double click and go to options i think
Problem Child 1: okay thx
Problem Child 1 has deleted 3 messages! Jisung is dumb!!
Problem Child 1: HEY!!
Problem Child 1: WHY IS THE CHAT CALLING ME DUMBBBB
Satan: it only speaks the truth
Problem Child 1: >:(
Favorite: wassup im back
Favorite: just deposited minho hyung back to his house
Favorite: omg
Favorite: what if
Problem Child 1: what if what?
Favorite: shush im typing
Problem Child 1: okay okay sorry
Favorite: what if chia was the chat?
Dramatic: IT TOOK YOU FIVE MINUTES TO TYPE THAT
Favorite: pauses for dramatic effect
Favorite: you should be very familiar with that, agent hwang
Dramatic: vkindsvhrbbsuitdleuibssm
Dramatic: OMG MY BROUTHER IS AN AGENT???
Dramatic: woevinymswryoiyelkjhcbeuiwtgf87ertw
Dramatic: GODDAMNIT YEJI
Dramatic: also whos chia
Dad: amazing
Favorite: talented
Dad: morosis
Favorite: she loves me
Favorite: but im too good for her
Dramatic: um okay
Dramatic: great
Dad: you dont sound impressed
Dad: also why did jisung delete messages?
Problem Child 1: OMG WOOJIN HYUNG ARE YOu OKAY?
Dramatic: YEAH ARE YOU OKAY?
Dramatic: why did you keyboard smash that much!!
Dad: oh chan was just kissing me
Dramatic: ew tmi
Problem Child 1: ew gross
Problem Child 1: woochan cooties
Maknae: yall gay
Maknae: but same
Maknae: gay rights matter
Dad: i raised you right
Maknae: no
Maknae: jin raised jungkook right
Maknae: you did no such thing
Maknae: my father raised me
Dad:
Mom:
Wine Aunt: in
Problem Child 2: 3
Dad: 2
Mom: 1
Maknae: I TAKE IT BACK MY DAD IS PLAYING EGO AGAIN
Maknae: AHAHHHHHHHH NO MORE CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP IM SORRY I TAKE IT BACK
Dad: who raised you right?
Maknae: YOU AND CHANNIE HYUNG
Maknae: AND MINHO HYUNG IS MY WINE AUNT
Maknae: T^T PLEASE TAKE ME BACK
Dad: awww innie
Dad: ily2
Notes:
funny story: last yr at regionals, one of the kids got rlly mad at me (it was my fault tho) and poured a cup of orange juice on my head. The awards ceremony was right afterwards...i have pictures of me w/orange juice in my hair. 10/10 would not recommend. My hair smelled like oranges the day after. Stale oranges
anyways thank you for all of your lovely comments ant 300+ hits and almost 40 kudos!! i love you all~
thank you for reading and drop a comment below!(i still need more kpop ships so if you have any 3rd gen favorites tell me!!! remember, sope, moonsun, and jinyoung/jaebom are taken!)
Chapter 7: It's way too early for this...
Summary:
Dad: what did i do to deserve this pain
Wine Aunt: breathe
Dad: …
Wine Aunt: :D
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Sunday, September 3rd
Crackhead Family (9) 6:32 am
Wine Aunt: welp i just sent my parents off
Favorite: oh theyre gone?
Wine Aunt: yep
Wine Aunt: auntie Sana’s coming in about an hour now
Favorite: AUNTIE SANA
Favorite: I LOVE AUNTIE SANA
Favorite: !!!!!
Favorite: im coming over
Wine Aunt: why are you even awake
Favorite: i knew that parents were leaving
Favorite: figured youd need someone to celebrate with
Wine Aunt: omg….
Wine Aunt: you are so mean HAHA
Favorite: i dont like your parents
Favorite: the only adults i like are auntie sana
Favorite: and my mom
Dad: why are yall awaka
Dad: OMG
Dad: I LOVE CHANS PARENTS
Dad: i swear you’d love them too
Satan: eiv7ynsd
Satan: i consider myself a morning person
Satan: but not to this extent
Wine Aunt: omg the 13 yr old knows big words (AN: i lowkey feel offended by this and im the one whos writing it)
Satan: …
Satan: im in high school hyung
Satan: i know my words…
Wine Aunt: alright then seungminnie
Wine Aunt: does anyone wanna come over and play Monopoly with me and felix?
Satan: I’m really hungry, so I’m just not in the mood…
Dramatic: KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN
Dramatic: QUEEN
Satan: you watch the Kardashians?
Dramatic: no i only know the memes
Dramatic: but i love them
Dramatic: icons
Satan: oh?
Satan: whos ur favorite?
Dramatic: STORMI
Dramatic: SHE IS SO CUTE
Dramatic: THOSE CHEEKS
Dramatic: I WANNA SQUISH
Dramatic: and kylie is SUCH a good mom???
Dramatic: like
Dramatic: stormi is the most polite child
Dramatic: ever?
Dramatic: and the way she says “mommy”
Dramatic: my heart goes boomboom
Problem Child 1: STAN MOMOLAND
Satan:...
Satan: ignoring that
Satan: you like kids?
Dramatic: I LOVE KIDS
Dramatic: so so sosososooso much omg
Dramatic: theyre so cute and
Dramatic: i wanna wrap them up in little itty bitty blankets
Dramatic: and feed them and pat their heads and and YCIUEKG
Underworld Much? (2) 6:39 am
Satan: innie
Satan: …
Satan: INNIE
Satan: YANG JEONGIN I HAVE A PROBLEM
Satan: …
Satan: @Baby
Satan: GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE RIGHT THIS INSTANT
Baby: IT IS SIX FORTY FIVE WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT
Baby: THIS BETTER BE GOOD YOU JERK
Satan: its hyunjin
Baby: wat about him
Satan: hes cute
Baby: great
Baby: can i go back to sleep now?
Satan: isnt that a problem?
Baby: the guys a looker
Baby: he IS cute
Baby: anyone with eyes cans ee that
Baby: now im ging hack to sleep BYFE
Satan: oh
Satan: okay
Satan: bye
Crackhead Family (9) 6:43
Dramatic: and did you SEEE stormi and kylie when they were making christmas cookies?
Dramatic: IM SO SOFT
Dramatic: now im watching stormi webster vidoes on youtube
Dramatic: 00 LINE ASSEMBLE
Problem Child 1: BITCH WTF DO YOU WANT ITS NOT EVEN FUCKING SEVEN AM ARE YOU HIGH YOU DUMB DRAMATIC LLAMA
Favorite: lmao
Favorite: hiya jisung
Problem: I SWEAR TO GO WHAT THE HELL IS IT I NEED MY BEAUTY SLEEP IM MF UGLY MY BEAUTIFUL CHEEKS COME FROM MY SLEEP DUMBASSES
Wine Aunt: i think ur beautiful either way :D
Help (2) 6:45
Changbin: “ i think ur beautiful either way :D”
Changbin: HAHA WHIPPED
Minho: literally stfy
Minho: *stfu
Minho: ur whipped for felix
Changbin: at least i can ADMIT IT YOU HOW
Changbin: *hoe
Minho: oh?
Minho: you can admit it?
Minho: THEN TELL HIM RIGHT NOW
Minho: also why tf are you up
Changbin: my felix senses were tingling
Minho:...
Minho: fucking whippes bitchassfuck
Changbin: woojin hyung: lAnGuAgE
Minho: this is why ur entertaining
Changbin: i live to serve
Changbin: and get bullies by seungmin
Minho: smh
Minho: and go “admit it”
Changbin: buy me lunch and i will
Minho: deal bitch
Crackhead Family: (9) 6:50
Problem Child 2: felix
Favorite: yes bean bitch?
Problem Child 2: iefvynsdion
Problem Child 2: WHO TAUGHT YOU THAT
Problem Child 2: YOU ARE TOO YOUNG
Favorite: minho hyung :D
Problem Child 2: omg minho hyung
Help (2) 6:51
Changbin: YOU BITCH
Minho: *bitch hyung
Minho: show some respect
Minho: bitch
Changbin: bitch
Changbin: *hyung
Changbin: why are you defaming the children
Minho: its fun
Changbin: please leave jisung innocent
Minho: jisungs innocent?
Changbin: he cusses
Changbin: but he does know how lesbian sex workds
Minho: OMG BABIE
Changbin: yes
Changbin: please dont tel him
Minho: does he know how gay zex works
Changbin: ZEX AHAHHAHA
Changbin: ALSO IDK WHY TF WOULD I KNOW THAT
Minho: idk just thought you asked him
Changbin: NO OMG
Changbin: my parents are lesbians
Changbin: and he asked them one time
Changbin: actually his parents are gay so idk
Changbin: WHY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THIS
Changbin: IM TOO YOUNG
Changbin: OMYIUVDKNHV
Minho: ???
Minho: ur 15
Changbin: THATS WAY TOO YOUNG
Changbin: wait
Changbin: UR FIFTEEN
Minho: ;)
Minho: im almost 16
Changbin: THAT DOESNT MAKE IT ANY BETTER
Minho: im hot enough to pass for 18
Changbin: AHIUKNSDV&
Crackhead Family (9) 7:03
Favorite: what
Favorite: where did everyone go
Favorite: changbin hyung?
Favorite: what were you gonna tell me
Problem Child 1: oh that
Problem Child 1: im whipped for you
Favorite: whipped?
Favorite: what kind of whipped?
Wine Aunt: how many types of whipped can there be tho
Favorite: well
Favorite: whipped cream for starters
Favorite: the whipped for face
Favorite: the whipped for soul
Favorite: the i like you dyu like me too uwu whipped
Favorite: which one is he?
Wine Aunt: wTF
Dad: LANGUAGE
Dad: I JUST WOKE UP
DAD: AND THIS IS WHAT I SEE???
DAD: WHO TAUGHT YOU HOW TO CUSS JISUNG
DAD: YOU ARE A BABY
Problem Child 1: I NEED MY BEAUTY SLEEP
Problem Child 1: well NOW IM AWAKE AND UGLY
Wine Aunt: i think youre beautiful either way
Problem Child 1: DFIUCNSBIUGEs
Problem Child 1: ahah thank you
Problem Child 1: :D
BINSUNG RISE (2) 7:10
Sung: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Bin: you have got to be kidding me
Bin: what did i do to deserve this
Bin: let the heavens take pity on me
Bin: for i have obviously sinned
Bin: i dont know what sin i have committed, dear heaven
Bin: but please save me from this painful death
Bin: i do not deserve
Sung: stfu you dont deserve life
Bin: okay then im leaving bye
Sung: NO WAIT
Sung: MINHO HYUNG
Sung: BIUUIBIG
Sung: hes a dream come true
Sung: AHHAHDUKCHN
Sung: IM GAY
Bin: i know
Sung: LIKE I THOUGHT I WAS LESBIAN???
Bin: wth jisung you are a MALE
Bin: how are you lesbian
Sung: because me and felix are wives
Sung: and we’re lesbian
Bin: ur bi
Sung: i wanns smooch him
Sung: WHY DOES HE ALWAYS
Sung: COMPLEMENT ME
Sung: ITS NOT GOOD FOR MY HEART HYUNG
Sung: im gong to die omg
Bin: literally chill
Bin: ur thirteen you have TIME for these things
Bin: do you like him
Sung: IDK
Bin: WTH
Sung: IDK I JUS IDKKKK
Sung: IVE LITERALLY NEVER LIKED ANYONE BEFORE SO IDK
Bin: omfg
Bin: ur hopeless jisung
Sung: IM SORRY
Crackhead Family (9) 7:18
Dad: OMG MINHO DO I NEED TO KICK YOU OUT OR SMTH????
Wine Aunt: what omg no hyung what did i do im so sorry i need this chat
Dad: wth for what
Wine Aunt: IDK FOR STUFF
Dad: suspicious
Wine Aunt: its the morning
Wine Aunt: everything is suspicious hyung
Dad: true
Favorite: MINHO HYUNG IM HERE
Wine Aunt: okay im coming
Wine Aunt: FELIX STOP YELLING THROUGH THE DOOR
Favorite: I WANNA SEE AUNTIE SANA
Favorite: SHES THE BEST
Favorite: DONT TELL MOM
Dad: auntie sana?
Wine Aunt: my aunt
Wine Aunt: basically a wine aunt lol
Dad: smh
Dad: is this where you get your wine aunt tendencies from?
Wine Aunt: of course
Wine Aunt: Auntie Sana is THE wine aunt
Wine Aunt: all of you should meet her some time
Mom: IM UP
Mom: TF
Mom: IM UP SIBUCNK
Mom: sry rosie
Mom: stole my phone
Mom: now shes tackincg me
Dad: “tackincg”
Dad: wonderful channie
Dad: absolutely wonderful spelling
Mom: stahp
Mom: BULLYSIM
Dad: you are such a child omg
Mom: i am only 16 years old
Mom: i deserve to be a child
Mom: i am a child at heart
Dad: what did i do to deserve this pain
Wine Aunt: breathe
Dad: …
Wine Aunt: :D
Problem Child 1: since i am now awake
Problem Child 1: can i coparent your plants minho hyung
Wine Aunt: …
Wine Aunt: why not come over
Wine Aunt: you can meet Auntie Sana
Maknae: MINSUNG RISEEEEEEEEEEE BITCH
Dad: JEONGIN! LANGUAGE
Notes:
lol dw there will be more memes next time
also jisung finally meets minho + wine aunt sana+ many others :D
Chapter 8: Pancakes????
Summary:
Dad: children
Dad: is chan holding you hostage?Wine Aunt: yes
Favorite: YES
Favorite: I WENT TO HIS HOUSE FOR PANCAKES
Favorite: ONE TIME
Favorite: and i havent been able to escapeMom: what
Mom: wait what NO
Chapter Text
Just a Nice Guy WIth a Lotta Money WOO (2)
Nice Guy: wooooooojjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj
Nice Guy: hwy
Nice Guy: the heck
Nice Guy: the frickety frackity
Nice Guy: is everyone
Nice Guy: up
Nice Guy: zifubj
With a Lotta Money: well
WIth a Lotta Money : minho said smth about sending his parents off?
Nice Guy: WAIT THAT WAS TODAY???
Nice Guy: ugh im dumb
With a Lotta Money: wut
Crackhead Family (9) 7:07
Mom: MINHO
Mom: IM SO SORRY
Mom: I DIDNT SAY FRACK YOU TO UR PARENTS
Mom: WITH YOU
Wine Aunt: lol its okay
Wine Aunt: felix was with me anyways
Favorite: im better than you chan hyung
Mom: T^T
Mom: IM SO SORRY
Wine Aunt: smh
Wine Aunt: its fine hyungg
Wine Aunt: im just waiting for jisung to come over anyways
Favorite: I GET TO MEET MY TWIN
Favorite: OG MY GOD AUNTIE SANA’S MAKING PANCAKES
Favorite: bye guys
Favorite: pancakes are the best
Wine Aunt: she’s making pancakes again?
Favorite: yeah!!!
Wine Aunt: smh
Wine Aunt: get your mom
Wine Aunt: we might as well include poor Auntie Yoonji
Favorite: yes
Favorite: wait
Wine Aunt: what?
Favorite: is auntie Sana gay?
Wine Aunt: shes lesbian ya
Wine Aunt: she constantly thirsts over IU
Wine Aunt: i didnt even know someone could thirst over IU
Wine Aunt: every single time i think of iu i think of the bunny
Favorite: wth how
Favorite: iu is like
Favorite: not thirstable
Favorite: she looks too innocent
Wine Aunt: right?
Wine Aunt: auntie sana is just interesting
Favorite: i actually think thats why you somehow manage to thirst over honey senpai
Favorite: he literally looks five
Wine Aunt: okay but if he DIDNT
Wine Aunt: then?
Favorite: thats terrible hyung
Favorite: please stop
Favorite: just thirst over tamaki instead
Wine Aunt: i already do tho
Favorite: good
Wine Aunt: also
Wine Aunt: whyd you ask?
Favorite: because i just found out my mother is bisexual
Favorite: she thirsts over hyuna and dawn at midnight
Wine Aunt: felix no
Favorite: i think we should set them up
Wine Aunt: fml
Dad: language minho
Wine Aunt: felix NO
Favorite: fine
Favorite: im gonna get my mom
Favorite: JISUNGIE HURRY UR ASS UP I WANNA SEE MY WIFE
Problem Child 1: my dads breaking those stupid speed limits :D
Problem Child 1: we’re nyooming
Dad: fml
Mom: its way too early for this
Just A Nice Guy With a Lotta Money WOO (2) 7:18
Nice Guy: minhos parents dont usually stay at home
Nice Guy: theyre kinda asshole
With a Lotta Money: ohh
With a Lotta Money: how do you know all these kida chan?
With a Lotta Money: you know them better than they know themselves
With a Lotta Money: *kids
Nice Guy: ive just
Nice Guy: picked them over the years
Nice Guy: its kinda a long story
With a Lotta Money: i have time
With a LOtta Money: shoot
Nice Guy: lol that reminds me of the time seungminnie danced to shoot me
Nice Guy: he was so cute
With a Lotta Money: you care for them so much
Nice Guy: in a way
Nice Guy: i feel responsible for them
Nice Guy:
Nice Guy: HE LOOKS SO EXCITED
With a Lotta Money:
With a Lotta Money: that kid
With a Lotta Money: will go places
With a Lotta Money: i can feel it
Nice Guy: in your old boomer bones
Nice Guy: *sigh*
Nice Guy: im dating someone old
Nice Guy: older than time itself
With a Lotta Money:
With a Lotta Money: dont try me bitch
With a Lotta Money: i will fucking kill you
With a Lotta Money: i will take my love and appreciation
With a Lotta Money: and give them to seungmin
With a Lotta Money: and felix
Nice Guy: okok
Nice Guy: im sryyyy
Nice Guy: anyways
Nice Guy: i just happened to pick them all up?
Nice Guy: somehow
Nice Guy: they were like
Nice Guy: stray kids
Nice Guy: on the street
Nice Guy: and i picked them up
With a Lotta Money: wait channie
With a Lotta Money: you didnt bribe them right?
Nice Guy: huh
Nice Guy: ofc not
Nice Guy: WAIT I DONT ACTUALLY HAVE A LOT OF MONEY
With a Lotta Money: OMG DID YOU BRIBE THEM WITH MONEY CHAN??
Nice Guy: no no
Nice Guy: they’re there out of FREE WIL
With a Lotta Money: omg
Crackhead Family (9) 7:30
Dad: children
Dad: is chan holding you hostage?
Wine Aunt: yes
Favorite: YES
Favorite: I WENT TO HIS HOUSE FOR PANCAKES
Favorite: ONE TIME
Favorite: and i havent been able to escape
Mom: what
Mom: wait what NO
Problem Child 1: wth
Problem Child 1: thats exactly what happened to me too
Problem Child 1: i just wanted some pancakes cause my dads can cook
Problem Child 1: and i ended up staying
Problem Child 1: forever
Mom: what
Wine Aunt: yeah
Wine Aunt: i ate a pancake
Wine Aunt: and i just
Wine Aunt: never left
Wine Aunt: he was
Wine Aunt: ...everywhere
Wine Aunt: idk how it happened
Wine Aunt: he was just everywhere and anywhere
Wine Aunt: it was scary
Drama Llama: why are yall awake
Drama Llama: oh are we telling stories?
Drama Llama: well
Drama Llama: i met everyone through chan!
Drama Llama: i ate a pancake at chans house!
Drama Llama: and everyone just randomly popped up after that!
Dad: …
Dad: chan
Mom: NO I SWEAR IT WASNT LIKE THAT
Dad: mhm
Mom: NO REALLY
Mom: MY MOM MADE THOSE PANCAKEs
Satan: oh are we talking about auntie yuta’s pancakes?
Satan: theyre the only reason im here actually
Mom: WHAT
Satan: what
Satan: did you really think i stayed for the personality?
Satan: no
Satan: i did it for the free food
Dad: see?
Dad: seungmin is the only one i can trust in this household
Satan: uwu
Mom: omg
Mom: I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME
Maknae: i want pancakessssss
Maknae: auntie yuta makes the best pancakes
Maknae: channnn
Maknae: me and dad
Maknae: are coming ot get aunty yutas pancakes
Mom: what
Maknae: tbh the only reason im friends with channie hyung
Maknae: pancakes
Maknae: uwu
Dad: CHAN!
Mom: T_T
Mom: betrayal
Maknae: pancakes hyungieeeee
Mom: fine
Mom: im telling her
Mom: omg shes already started
Mom: dad says that he needs ur dad to bring the...tomatoes?
Maknae: oh yes please take them
Maknae: we’ve had way too many tomatoes
Mom: omg okay
Mom: tell uncle hoseok thank you!!
Maknae: i will
Just a Nice Guy With a Lotta Money WOO (2) 7:46
With a Lotta Money: ….
With a Lotta Money: channie
Nice Guy: I DIDNT KNOWWWW
With a Lotta Money: *squints*
Nice Guy: :(
Nice Guy: please accept me woojinnie
Nice Guy: my mom made those pancakes
With a Lotta Money: oh my goodness channie
With a Lotta Money: ive eaten those pancakes
With a Lotta Money: i guess im never leaving
Nice Guy: :(((
With a Lotta Money: are you actually sad channie?
Nice Guy: YES
Nice Guy: ur not nice to me woojinnie :(
With a Lotta Money: im not the one whos supposed to be nice
With a Lotta Money: ur the nice one channie
Nice Guy: D;
With a Lotta Money: aww
With a Lotta Money:
With a Lotta Money: im sorry channie
With a Lotta money: let me make it up to you?
Nice Guy: hmm
Nice Guy: how?
With a Lotta Money: kisses :D
Nice Guy: omgujkmsyi
With a Lotta Money:
Nice Guy: uwuwuwuwu
Nice Guy: why is that felix @ minho
With a Lotta Money: oh my
With a Lotta Money: it really is
With a Lotta Money: our children are so cute
Nice Guy: uwu
Nice Guy: ur cuter tho
With a Lotta Money: prove it
Nice Guy: bet
Nice Guy:
NIce Guy: ur just a smol teddy bear
With a Lotta Money: omg
With a Lotta Money: who gave you that????
Nice Guy: tae hyung!!
With a Lotta Money: what the
With a Lotta Money: how do you know him
Nice Guy: oh we used to date
Nice Guy: we dont talk anymore but
Nice Guy: i still have the pictures that he used to send me
With a Lotta Money: …
With a Lotta Money: chan
With a Lotta Money: it was you?
Nice Guy: me?
Nice Guy: what was me?
Nice Guy: wait
Nice Guy: oh
Nice Guy: oh shit
With a Lotta Money: …
Nice Guy: im so sorry
With a Lotta Money: this time, channie
With a Lotta Money: sorry just wont cut it
Notes:
i was gonna do the minsung chapter but today has been shit and i mean...woochan. Just woochan. I got a bit carried away with it and now i have another arc of something not even stray kids...but oh well?
hope you enjoyed!! next chapter will be most likely minsung, sorry for the weird chapter flow thing. After the minsung chapter things should flow better!!Please drop a comment below, they make my day and I love talking to yall!! :D
thanks for reading everyone and I hope you guys have a wonderful day/night!!
Chapter 9: rip Brian and Jae they deserved better
Summary:
Yoonji nodded. “Yes, yes you did. Now, let’s cut to the chase, shall we? Why were we not invited to your wedding?”
They both whimpered. “Well-you see-” Yoonjin stood up, hands on her hips. It didn’t make much of a difference. “We practically raised you both, we are the ones who got you two together and you don’t invite us to the wedding?”
Notes:
just a warning, I forgot like...everything that happened in thi slmao and I didn't bother to go back and read so if there are any mistakes in the chapter, comment down below and I'll fix them!
again, this is obviously unedited but i hope you'll enjoy nevertheless!!
<3
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Jisung squealed into his duvet, rolling around his bed. He was going to Minho’s house, he was going to Minho’s house, he was going to Minho’s house! He squealed again and rolled around some more, falling off the bed with a thud. Jisung groaned, massaging his head in pain. He lay splayed on the floor, resembling something akin to a starfish. The only difference being that if one of his dads somehow managed to tear off his arm, he wouldn’t be able to grow it back again. It was the little things.
Jisung smiled giddily at his ceiling. There’s a beach painted on it, and while that may seem..distracting or unusual, Jisung’s taken comfort in his ceiling at night, watching the waves move and crash against the reddish shore.
The walls in this house aren’t thick, so Jisung can hear his dads grumbling and moving about in their bed.
“Dad!” He screamed, lifting his hand up and dropping it back down on the covers. Jisung can hear his dad groaning and getting out of bed. A few minutes later, Jae is in his son’s doorway, glasses hanging precariously at the tip of his nose, hair all messed up.
“Jisung...what is it?” Jae asked, looking down at his son. Jisung grinned, sitting up quickly, blanket bunched around his waist. “I need you to help me get dressed.” Jisung said.
Jae stared at Jisung. Jisung stared back.
Jae closed his eyes, sighed, and rubbed his temples. He stayed like that for a while, replaying Jisung’s words in his head.
Eventually Jae opened his eyes again and looked at his son again, who was staring at him with shining eyes. “You..need help getting dressed?” Jae asked. Jisung nodded enthusiastically, taking his phone and throwing it at his dad’s face. Jae yelped and fumbled around with the phone before managing to catch it. He squinted at the small screen, pressing his glasses closer to his face.
Realization began to dawn as he red the messages, a smirk working its way onto Jae’s face. He threw the phone back at Jisung, who caught it. “Get off the floor, Jisungie and put your blanket back on your bed.” Jae ordered, moving to the closet. They could hear a groan from the other room, Brian moving around the bed. There was a thump, followed by a draw out groan. Brian appeared in the doorway, glaring at the scene in front of him.
Jisung was sitting on the bed, grinning widely as Jae huffed and flicked through Jisung’s closet. Brian moved to wrap his arms around his husband, ignoring Jisung’s fake gags at the display of affection.
“What’s going on?” He asked, nuzzling the side of Jae’s neck. “Jisung, you never get up this early on weekends, is something wrong?”Jae patted his head and flicked through more of Jisung’s clothes. He threw a pair of jeans, shirt, and a denim jacket on the bed. “Jisungie has a date~” Jae said, turning around to face his husband and his son.
Brian’s eyes widened. “Date? He’s thirteen , Jae he can’t date!” Jisung spluttered. “Papa it’s not a date! I’m just going to Minho hyung’s house to meet him and Felix!” Brian frowned. “Felix? Felix Lee?” Jisung nodded. “We’re twins!”
Jae blinked. “Twins? You both are related?” Jisung shook his head. “No, but I’m only a day older than him!” Brain gasped. “Oh my god I think I know him! Jisung, is he Yoonji’s kid?” Jisung shrugged. “I think so. Do you want me to check?” Jae nodded. “He sounds like Yoonji’s kid.”
Han Jisung created a chat with Lee Felix!
Han Jisung renamed the chat Lesbians!
Han Jisung renamed his name to Wife
Han Jisung renamed Felix’s name to Wifey
Lesbians! (2) 7:45
Wife: felix!!
Wife: i have a questionnnn
Wifey: jisungieee!
Wifey: shoot
Wife: is your moms name yoonji?
Wifey: yep!
Wifey: youll meet her today
Wifey: you’re still coming over right.
Wife: yeo
Wife: im getting ready
Wife: my dads just wanted to know if you were yoonjis kid or smth
Wifey: hm
Wifey: idk if my mom knows them
Wifey: who are ur dads?
Jisung looked up at his dads, who were staring at him expectantly. “He says that his mom is Ms.Yoonji. And he wants to know who you both are.” “I knew it!” Brian exclaimed, extraordinarily of himself.
“Does the kid have freckles?” Jisung frowned, nodding. “How do you know this, Papa?” Brian shook his head, waving him off. “Forget about us. Tell him it’s Brian and Jae.” Jisung looked suspicious but did it anyway, typing the answer into his phone.
Wife: um
Wife: brian and jae?
Wife: they said that she might know them that way??
Wife: idk my dads are weird
Wifey: tell me about it
Wifey: but okayy ill ask her rn
Felix put down his phone, placing it on the counter at which he was sitting. “Mom!” He yelled, catching her attention from where she was on the table in front of him. Yoonjin turned around, sighing. “What happened, Felix?”
“Do you know any Brian and Jae’s?” He asked, swinging his feet from the counter. Minho sat down next to him, poking his head to look at Felix’s phone. His eyes lit up when he saw who Felix was talking to.
Yoonji’s eyes widened and she burst out laughing. Even Sana was looking at her in worry. “Yoonji? What happened, why are you laughing?” Sana frantically asked. No one had ever seen Yoonji display this amount of positive emotion, except when she was squealing over SUGA and that didn’t really count .
Yoonji’s laughter subsided into faint giggles. “Sana, Brian and Jae! The ones who had that band with Wonpil, Dowoon, and Sungjin.” Understanding dawned in her eyes, and she burst out laughing, high pitched giggles flooding the room.
“Wait- wait, those two have a kid now?” Yoonji asked. Felix nodded, looking down at his phone. “What should I tell them?” Yoonji was still laughing, but she managed to say, “Invite them over with your friend. Oh this is amazing .”
Felix exchanged confused looks with Minho who shrugged.
Lesbians! (2) 7:51
Wife: felix?
Wifey: sry sung my mom and minho hyungs aunt started laughing
Wife: …
Wife: wut
Wifey: idk why
Wifey: smth abt a band?
Wifey: but she knows them
Wifey: oh and she said to invite them too
Wifey: so bring your dads ig?
Wifey: we have pancaked
Wife: why do our parents know each other
Wife: is this like
Wife: a secret organization
Wifey: tbh idk
Wifey: parents are weird
Jisung looked up at his da+ds, who was looking at him expectantly. “She says that she knows you, along with Minho’s Aunt Sana. And they said to invite you over with me.” Brian and Jae paled. “Wait...Sana’s there too?” Jisung nodded. Jae looked at Brian. “We should probably get dressed.” Brian nodded, pulling his husband out the door. “Get dressed Jisungie. And brush your teeth. And comb your hair!”
Jisung yelled an “okay!” back, turning back to his phone. He got dressed quickly, and brushed both his teeth and his hair.
He made it to the kitchen, sitting on the couch and texting memes to Felix. Woojin and Chan weren’t on the group chat, which was weird since they were usually flirting shamelessly there, flexing their “taken” status to all the other, sadly single people in the group chat.
Brian and Jae came out too, fiddling with their jackets. “Come on Jisung, lets go. Sana made pancaked, didn’t she?” Jisung nodded. “How come you both know so much about Auntie Yoonjin and Auntie Sana?” Jae let out a long suffering sigh, looking at Jisung painfully. “Jisung, you don’t want to know the horrors we went through in high school.
Officially weirded out, Jisung just nodded and slid into the backseat of their car. The drive was short, and they were already pulling into the driveway of the house.
Jisung bounded up to the front door, knocking excitedly. The door opened to a pleased Minho, who grinned at Jisung. “Hi Jisungie!” Minho said, opening the door wider. Jisung bowed. “Thank you for having us.” Minho grinned at him, admiring how cute the younger looked with his chubby cheeks (read: jeekies). Brian and Jae came up behind them, bowing low in thanks. Minho bowed back respectfully. “Hello, Brian-ssi, and Jae-ssi. It’s a pleasure to have you.” They shook their hands, flustered. “Call us Uncle Brian and Jae, there’s no need to be formal.”
Minho smiled politely at them, closing the door behind the two. Jisung was already hugging his twin, the two giggling together. Minho rushed over to join them, ruffling their hair.
Yoonji and Sana were looking at Brian and Jae, identical shit eating grins on their face. They pointed to the seats in front of them. “Sit.”
Brian and Jae exchanged terrified looks. “I told you that we shouldn’t have come, you idiot.” Brian whispered, eyeing the two women on the sofa. Jae smacked him on the arm. “Shut up! We’re all adults now, there’s no reason to be afraid of anything.”
The two men sat down gingerly, looking around. “This is a..nice place you have, Sana.” Sana giggled. “This is Momo and Heechullie’s house, but I stay here to take care of MInho since they’re away all the time. In fact, you missed their departure just this morning.” Brian chuckled awkwardly. “Oh, did we?”
Yoonji nodded. “Yes, yes you did. Now, let’s cut to the chase, shall we? Why were we not invited to your wedding ?”
They both whimpered. “Well-you see-” Yoonjin stood up, hands on her hips. It didn’t make much of a difference. “We practically raised you both, we are the ones who got you two together and you don’t invite us to the wedding?”
Brian whimpered, elbowing Jae in the side. “Do something, Jae!” “What the hell am I supposed to do, do I look like I know what to do?” Jae hissed. Yoonji walked forward, glaring at them through her thick glasses. “When did you adopt Jisung?” “When he was three.” Sana breathed in slowly. “AND YOU DIDN'T TELL US?” They shrunk in on themselves, pouting at each other. “We didn’t really know how to reach you and stuff.” “Bullshit.” Yoonji said, huffing. “We’ll forgive you on one condition.”
They perked up. “What condition?” Sana’s gaze softened, and she stood up to sit next to Brian. “Take good care of Jisung, okay? He’s a good kid.” Jae smiled, looking over at his son, who was giggling on the counter, being fed a bit of pancake by Minho. “He really is.”
Sana snorted, punching him on the arm. “Stop being so sappy, and tell us stories you two. You both need to get the band back together.” Brain laughed sadly. “Do we even know where Junhyeok is?”
Yoonji shook her head sadly. “We don’t. I think he moved to America with his fiance.” She winked. “But we do know where Sungjin, Dowoon, and Wonpillie are.” Jae snorted. “That dumbass Wonpil.” Sana rolled her eyes. “Why are you do mean to her, Jae? I thought you got over that crush a long time ago.” Jae blushed, face turning a fiery red. “I didn’t have a crush on her!” Brain snorted, patting Jae on the back. “Babe, you had a crush on her. Luckily for you, she never noticed.”
Jae grumbled something unintelligible under his breath. “Does she still have that ugly pink sweater of hers?” Sana grinned. “She sure does. Apparently she wears it whenever Seungmin invites someone over to the house. Dowoon tried to stop her a long time ago but she never listened.”
Jae shook his head sadly. “I pity Dowoon so much, so, so much.” He nodded. “But then again, I don’t because he’s the one who married that bitch.” Yoonjin gasped and smacked him on the back of his head. “Don’t call Wonpillie a bitch, she did nothing to you!”
Jae rolled his eyes. “Shut up, Yoonji. Are you still single?” Yoonji shook her head proudly. “I’m dating someone. We’ve been on three dates so far, but I think it’s going well.” She said, smiling widely. Sana squealed and hugged her tight.
Brian grinned. “Good for you, Yoonji. Does Felix know?” Yoonji’s face fell. “No, he doesn’t, I don’t know how to tell him.”
Jae frowned. “You need to tell him soon, Yoonji. Just bring them over for dinner or something. Do they have any kids?” Yoonji nodded. “He has a son, who’s in the same grade as Felix but a year younger. Kid skipped kindergarten.”
Sana leaned her head on Yoonji’s shoulder. “Bring him over for the next date, Yoonji. And bring the kid. Felix deserves to know.”
Yoonji hummed, looking over to her son, who was balancing three eggs on the top of his head while Jisung took pictures. Minho was laughing at them both, bent over in half as he looked at them.
Notes:
insert is backkkkk i missed writing this and im still procrastinating on faz but ITS OKAY
anywayss its short but its okay!! next time will probably me just making kitchen puns for 1k...don't expect much. :D love you all
(also this hit exactly 100 pages on google docs idk how that happened its been like two weeks BUT WHATEVER)SSP:
-read my other fics!
-you're my wave (crash your lips against mine) completed!! (lowkey proud of it read if you want soft seungsung uwu)
- From A to Z (procrastinating, almost finished but its not that bad lmao)
-sunlight (not finished, maybe never finished we'll see but fairy minho...)
- you're the A to my T, darling we complement each other perfectly ;) (minchan, science olympiad au, just started!!)i love you all, drop a comment down below they make my day and ill always reply!!
stay safe everyone <3
Chapter 10: In Which Two Kittens and a Squirrel Meet
Summary:
Jisung ends up taking pictures of Felix, who’s somehow balancing three eggs (raw ones, mind you) on the top of his head. No one knows how they got there, or why Felix is balancing, or how Jisung’s phone magically appeared in his hand, but they decide to roll with it.
Notes:
:D
enjoy everyoneeeee as i procrastinate on my work once more!! funtastic
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
The first sentence Felix says to Jisung is “I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily it was a soft drink .” Minho smirks, raising his hand. “I was the one who threw the soda at him. I take full responsibility.”
Already Jisung’s laughing, feeling at complete ease with these people. He doesn’t know Felix very well, even though they’re in the same grade. Jisung’s old friends went to a different high school, and they all naturally lost touch after middle for reasons unknown. Jisung’s glad to have friends his age, because he knows he can’t survive off of Changbin’s cuddles forever.
Jisung winks, shooting finger guns at Felix, who does the same back. Minho snorts and rolls his eyes fondly at them. Jisung can see the amount of adoration Minho has for the other, similar to what he and Changbin have.
Felix pulls him into a hug, giggling into Jisung’s ear. Jisung hugs him back, staring up at Minho as he wraps his arms around Felix’s shoulders. Minho rolls his eyes and joins them, wrapping his arms around the two younger teens.
Felix pulls away, staring at Jisung. “Jisung! You look great, oh my gosh.” Jisung laughs. “My dad thought it would look good, I guess it does?” Felix nodded. “Yes, yes, you look great. Now! Pancakes! You need to eat Auntie Sana’s pancakes, they're the best ever.” Minho nods. “Aunt Sana’s pancakes are one of the best. They aren’t as good at Aunt Yuta’s pancakes, but they come very close.”
“What did you say about my pancakes, you brat?” Sana yelled. Minho flashed her a grin. “Only that Aunt Yuta wishes she could make pancakes as good as yours.” Sana rolled her eyes, but let it go. Minho leaned down slightly to whisper conspiratorially, “Aunt Sana and Aunt Yuta have a bit of a rivalry going on between them. They’ve been fighting over who makes the best pancakes for ages, now, but no one has decided a winner in fear of an apocalypse.”
They sit down at the table, Minho placing a plate full of pancakes in front of Jisung. Jisung tries to resist because oh my god there were a lot of pancakes on that plate, but Minho ignores him and slaps his hand away. “Eat it all Jisungie, we have a lot.” JIsung sighs but thanks him, eyes widening as he takes a small bite. He’s only ever tasted this level of flavor once. ….When Chan’s mom made him pancakes. Poor Sana. Felix snickers. “Mom gave up on those two a long time ago. Now she’s just there for the tea.”
Minho makes a face. “Ew, Felix stop talking like an emotionally constipated gay teenager. It doesn’t suit you.”
Felix huffs, flicking some of his own pancake at the older. “Hyung, I am an emotionally constipated gay teenager.” Jisung hasn’t seen or heard anyone just...say it like that. He isn’t surprised, of course, since their entire “group” is queer, and Felix’s mother is sitting with two gay guys and possibly a lesbian, but it’s surprising to him, especially since he knows the pain of being queer both second hand and first hand. It’s not fun.
As they finish up their breakfast, Jisung realizes why he was so excited to be here in the first place.
“Hyung!” He exclaims, “Can I see your cats now?” Minho blinks down at him, looking at Felix who has a shit eating grin on his face. Minho flicks Felix on the forehead before turning back to Jisung. “Sure, Jisungie let me just wash these plates first.”
“Do you need any help?” He asks, choosing to ignore Felix who is draped over a chair bonelessly, whining. Minho shakes his head. “I’m almost done, Jisung, it’s fine. Thank you for offering thought.” Jisung grins at him, rocking back and forth on his heels as he waits. The Lee household is moderately sized, as is in this part of the city.
Soon enough Minho has finished doing the dishes and leads Jisung into a hallway, presumably where his three cats are. Felix bounces after them, seemingly recovered from Minho’s absolutely devastating attack. Sarcasm to the max. M A X.
They enter a room, Minho’s room, from the looks of it. It’s a light purple slash lavender color, and pictures of BTS and cats are on the walls. There are three cats sleeping on the cat bed at the foot of Minho’s own, cuddled up together. Minho smiles gently. “I don’t know why they aren’t awake yet, but this is Soonie, Doongi and Dori.”
Jisung gasps lightly, moving forward a little in order to see them better. “They’re beautiful.” He says. Minho nods, petting one of them on the head carefully. “This one is Soonie, I’ve had her the longest. This one is Doongie, and this one is my baby, Dori.” His voice sounds so tender and warm when talking about his cats. Jisung wonders if thats how he talks about his Nutella.
Ah yes. Nutella.
Minho apologizes for the lack of Cute Cat Behavior (CCB) and leads them outside his room. Jisung waves him off, saying that it’s fine, not his fault his cats are sleeping. (And they were adorably precious when sleeping, so maybe he didn’t get any behavior, but he did get Cute Cats.)
They’re in the kitchen again, and Jisung asks possibly the most important question of his life. “Minho hyung.” He starts, deathly serious as he looks straight into Minho’s eyes. Jisung is standing on his tippy toes and trying very, very hard not to fall down or tumble into Minho’s chest. It’s hard.
Felix is recording the entire procedure whilst giggling to himself.
“Yes, Jisung?” Minho asks. He looks worried, understandably so. What Jisung’s going to say next isn’t for the faint of heart.
“Do you have Nutella?”
…
…
…
Jisung tumbles forward into Minho’s chest, shrieking as he does so. None of the adults bat an eyelash. His dads are used to it.
“Oof.” Jisung breathes out. Minho’s chest is hard . Not a very good place to fall against. “Well, hyung? Do you have Nutella?” Minho sighs. “Is that really the question you wanted to ask me, Jisung?” Jisung nods. “It’s an important question, hyung, I don’t know why you don’t realize so.”
Minho rubs his temples looking about thirty years older than he is and in the middle of a midlife crisis. Mid youth crisis maybe? “Yes, Jisung we have Nutella. Would you like some?” Jisung shakes his head firmly. “No hyung, but you’ve passed the vibe check. Congratulations.” He says, deathly serious. Nutella is something to be taken very seriously. Very, very seriously. Do not mess with Han Jisung and his Nutella. (I think my obsession with Nutella is showing my fics just a teeny tiny bit. Whoops)
---
Jisung ends up taking pictures of Felix, who’s somehow balancing three eggs (raw ones, mind you) on the top of his head. No one knows how they got there, or why Felix is balancing, or how Jisung’s phone magically appeared in his hand, but they decide to roll with it.
This is prime blackmail material. As is the scene of Minho bent over in half, laughing. Jisung nods to himself. Yes, this outing was a success .
Han Jisung has created a chat with Lee Minho! (if they already have one rip chia)
Han Jisung has renamed the chat FurryParents
Han Jisung has renamed himself to Squirrel
Han Jisung has renamed Lee Minho to Cat Hyungie
Furry Parents (2) 9:04am
Squirrel: hyung!
Squirrel: i had a great time today!!
Squirrel: thank you for inviting me over :D
Cat Hyungie: anytime jisungie!
Cat Hyungie: my doors are always welcome
Squirrel: !!!
Squirrel: thanks a lot hyung
Squirrel: i appreciate it
Cat Hyungie: ofc jisung
Cat Hyungie: ur great to be around
Squirrel:!!
Squirrel: omg rlly?
Cat Hyungie: ofc
Cat Hyungie: why are you surprised??
Squirrel: *shrugs*
Squirrel: no ones told me that before
Squirrel: it was nice :D
Cat Hyungie: smh
Cat Hyungie: ppl are stupid
Cat Hyungie: but ill tell you that as long as i need for you to believe it
Squirrel: ahhhh
Squirrel: hhh okayy
Help (2) 9:07 no you idiot he’s flustered
Minho: changbin
Changbin: what
Minho: what does this mean
Minho has sent a screenshot!
Changbin: smh
Changbin: hes flirting
Minho: oh okay
Changbin: hyung
Minho: yes?
Changbin: are you planning to date him if he likes you back
Minho: …
Minho: it depends
Changbin: on what?
Minho: on when he likes if (if he does)
Minho: im not dating him before he’s fifteen
Changbin:...
Changbin: take care of him well hyung
Minho: ofc
Minho: what abt you changbin?
Changbin: what abt me?
Minho: dont play dumb we both know who im talking abt
Changbin: ugh fine
Changbin: but same
Changbin: fifteen at least
Changbin: i think he knows that too
Minho: yes he does
Minho: take care of him changbin
Minho: if you dont i will dunk you in syrup and throw you to the ants
Changbin:...
Changbin: noted
Minho: :)
Furry Parents (2) 9:10
Squirrel: hyung?
Cat Hyungie: im back jisungie
Cat Hyungie: sorry i just had to do smth
Squirrel: o…
Squirrel: are you busy?
Cat Hyungie: nope!
Cat Hyungie: why?
Squirrel: i just wanted t o make sure that i wasnt using up your time haha
Cat Hyungie: awww
Cat Hyungie: dont ever worry about that sungie
Cat Hyungie: ill tell you if im busy, kay?
Squirrel: hhhhh
Squirrel: okayy
Cat Hyungie: cute
Squirrel: hyung!!
Cat Hyungie: im not wrong, darling
Squirrel: hmph
Squirrel: >///<
Cat Hyungie: awww are you flustered?
Squirrel: YES
Cat Hyungie: mwah
Squirrel: omg hyungggg
Cat Hyungie: are you blushingggggg sungie
Squirrel: i hope felix eats all of your nutella
Cat Hyungie: oh i see that you are
Cat Hyungie: cute ;)
Just a Nice Guy With a Lotta Money WOO (2) 10:32
Nice Guy: i should probably start explaining?
With a Lotta Money: if its something that needs explaining, chan, then yes you should start before I do something i regret
Nice Guy: okay so first i would like to say that i regret everything I did in the past
Nice Guy: and before you say anything, i know that apologizing isn’t going to do anything, but i sincerely do regret my actions. Do you believe me?
With a Lotta Money: …
With a Lotta Money: yes i do
With a Lotta Money: only because i know you have changed
Nice Guy: thank you
Nice Guy: are you okay with having this conversation via text?
Nice Guy: would you like to do it in person?
With a Lotta Money: no otherwise i will punch you and i don’t want to
Nice Guy: i wouldnt mind if you did
With a Lotta Money: did i say that YOU would mind?
With a Lotta Money: no i said that I don’t want to
With a Lotta Money: now continue
NIce Guy: okay
Nice Guy: and i would also like to say that whatever has happened is over now and i don’t plan on doing anything like that every again
Nice Guy: i have made amends with Taehyung hyung and he forgives me
Nice Guy: i am not expecting for you too
With a Lotta Money: good
Nice Guy: and
Nice Guy: and i understand if you want to break up with me after this
Nice Guy: in understand completely
With a Lotta Money: wonderful
Notes:
hello hello i am back once again i didnt even leave but its okayyyy
i finally got over my fear of writing this fic and the woochan angst!! yay! shits easier to write chatfic version WHO KNEW
anyways, if you have any plot ideas cause i havent planned out this fic and i am lowkey scared lol then tell me please plot ideas are amazing and i will credit you if i use them
anyways, next time we have some more woochan angst!! chan's an idiot but he's changed for the better now, so lets keep that in mind as we bash him for being a dumbass, shall we?drop a comment down below, i will always reply! stay safe everyone, have a wonderful day/night/whatever the heck
~chia~SSP:
-read my other fics!
- From A to Z (updated today!)
- you're my wave(crash your lips against mine) completeddd
-sunlight (supernaturals and fluff! not completed nor updated rip)
Chapter 11: Hello, did you order...
Summary:
One Woochan angst? Yes I did!
With a Lotta Money: are you breaking up with me?
Nice Guy: what???
Notes:
hello hello hello everyone, how is everyone doing today? i died. I DIED so here you go the woochan angst we've all been waiting for!!
WARNINGS: this will include mentions of drug, alcohol, and violence, as well as some non-con (not smut but its still there) I will be including a summary of the chapter in the bottom notes, so you can read the fluffy bits at the end only if you wish and the summary so you know what happens. Stay safe, everyone. <3
have fun~
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Just a Nice Guy With a Lotta Money WOO (2) 10:54
Nice Guy: so
Nice Guy: okay ill just start from the beginning
Nice Guy: me and Tae met in the library
Nice Guy: he sat down next to me and told me that I was cute
Nice Guy: and ofc, it’s Kim Taehyung, he’s gorgeous
Nice Guy: it runs in the family i see
With a Lotta Money: compliments will get you no where
Nice Guy: right
Nice Guy: sorry
Nice Guy: so thats where we hit it off
Nice Guy: he asked me for my number and I gave it to him, we started talking even more. Within the week I knew that I liked him.
Nice Guy: we went on our first date that Saturday, to the cafe nearby
Nice Guy: it went spectacularly well there too and we went out on another date the next Saturday as well
With a Lotta Money: wait
With a Lotta Money: you’re the guy he went to the coffeeshop with?
Nice Guy: yes?
Nice Guy: did he not like it…?
With a Lotta Money: no no
With a Lotta Money: he loved it
Nice Guy: oh
Nice Guy: oh thats good
Nice Guy: um im just gonna continue
Nice Guy: fuck wait Rosie needs help on a math problem is it okay if I go help for it?
NIce Guy: and sorry for the language I know you don’t like it
With a Lotta Money: its fine
With a Lotta Money: go help her with it
Nice Guy: thank you so much
Woojin sighed, running a hand through his hair. He didn’t know what to think. His boyfriend was his brother’s ex-boyfriend, and also the man who hurt Tae and broke his heart so, so badly. Honestly, Woojin’s honestly surprised he didn’t realize it before. ‘Chrissy’ could only be Christopher Bang..or Bang Chan.
Woojin lifted himself off the bed, phone in hand and walked down the stairs. Jin was doing her daily kitchen clean, wiping down all the counters and cabinets, rearranging all of her tea cups.
“Oh hi darling.” Jin said, smiling at her son. “Would you like something?” Woojin shook his head no, tapping the counter.
Jin frowned, putting down the cloth and sitting down in front of her son. “Woojinnie, what’s wrong, darling?” Woojin shrugged, unwilling to look at his mother. He didn’t want to bring it up, but then again he would be wondering if the rest of his family knew who Tae’s mysterious boyfriend was.
He knew that if he looked at her, then he would inevitably end up telling her everything . Such is the life of the son of one of the most influential people in the world. (Or so he believes). Jin tutted, lifting her son’s chin up so she can look him in the eye. “What’s wrong, Woojinnie?” Woojin pouts. Damnit.
“Mom, did you know who Tae’s boyfriend was?” Jin’s eyes flashed for a second, and she frowned, moving back from her son a touch. “Jungkook?” Woojin shook his head. “No, the one before Jungkook.” Jin pursed her lips, leaning away from her son a bit. She frowned. “Why do you want to know, Woojin?”
Woojin bit his lip nervously. “Promise you won’t tell him, Mom?” Jin sighed. “Yes, darling I won’t tell him. Now what’s wrong?” Woojin looked down playing with his hands nervously. “I think that Tae’s ex might be my boyfriend.” He whispered.
Jin smiled softly. “Bang Chan?” She asked. Woojin nodded, not questioning the fact that his mother knew who his boyfriend was, or that she knew who Tae’s boyfriend was, all without telling her anything. Jin patted his clasped hands softly. “He’s a better person now, Woojin. Be kind to him.” Woojin frowned and opened his mouth to retort but his phone chimed. Chan’s text.
He sent his mom one last look and ran up to his room.
Just a Nice Guy With a Lotta Money WOO (2) 11: 15
Nice Guy: hey sorry im back
Nice Guy: apparently it was more than one question
With a Lotta Money: no its fine
With a Lotta Money: i was talking with my mom anyways
Nice Guy: ah okay
Nice Guy: um anyways i should continue?
With a Lotta Money: yes
Nice Guy: so after those two dates i asked him to be my bf
Nice Guy: and he said yes
Nice Guy: we dated peacefully for about a month, give or take
With a Lotta Money: wait
Nice Guy: yeah?
With a Lotta Money: were you the one who gave him that ring?
With a Lotta Money: the one that says it’s all good now>
Nice Guy: oh yeah
Nice Guy: i did
Nice Guy: he still has it?
With a Lotta Money: wears it every day
With a Lotta Money: i dont think ive seen it off
Nice Guy: oh
Nice Guy: thats
Nice Guy: thats really nice to know actually
With a Lotta Money: he liked you a lot you know
Nice Guy: i know
Nice Guy: he’s with a better person now
Nice Guy: Jungkook will treat him better than i could ever
With a Lotta Money: you seemed to treat me perfectly fine up till now
NIce Guy: weve only been dating for like three days
Nice Guy: but im going to treat you well
With a Lotta Money: okay
With a Lotta Money: sorry got sidetracked there
With a Lotta Money: continue
Nice Guy: okay
Nice Guy: so after that month
Nice Guy: i
Nice Guy: i got into the wrong crowd>
Nice Guy: like you know them
With a Lotta Money: wait
With a Lotta Money: them????
Nice Guy: ...yeah
With a Lotta Money: wait chan how?
With a Lotta Money: what did you do??
Nice Guy: well i did a lot of bad things and omg you’re going to break up with me i KNOW but like i did so many bad things
NIce Guy: it was bambam who introduced me to them
Nice Guy: we did a bunch of shit together
Nice Guy: he was friends with them before...that happened and i was too gullible
Nice Guy: i
Nice Guy: i ended up doing their dirty work for them...stealing and everything
Nice Guy:i never hurt someone because that wasnt their policy
Nice Guy: but a lot of illegal stuff happened within those rings
Nice Guy: mostly it was just drugs and alcohol and the black market in general
With a Lotta Money: you used to be an addict?
Nice Guy: no no
NIce Guy: ive never done drugs before
Nice Guy: i just
Nice Guy: helped sell them
With a Lotta Money: okay
Nice Guy: im telling you that
Nice Guy: everything that happened in here...its not good its not good at all
Nice Guy: the people in those kinds of places doing these things
Nice Guy: and i couldnt stop it
Nice Guy: i was so disgusted with myself because i was basically encouraging the kind of behavior that they did and
With a Lotta Money: okay okay wait chan
Nice Guy: yeah?
With a Lotta Money: i think we both need to take a five minute break okay?
With a Lotta Money: take a five minute break okay? Calm down
Nice Guy: okay
Nice Guy: im really sorry for all the trouble
With a Lotta Money: you arent any trouble chan
Nice Guy: thank you
With a Lotta Money: your welcome
---
Just a Nice Guy With a Lotta Money WOO (2): 11:33pm
With a Lotta Money: okay
With a Lotta Money: you okay now?
Nice Guy: yeah
Nice Guy: thanks
With a Lotta Money: ofc
With a Lotta Money: continue?
Nice Guy: yeah
Nice Guy: i guess i increasingly felt shitty?
Nice Guy: and i couldnt get out o fit because they wouldnt let me and i was just a fucking coward
Nice Guy: who didnt want to deal with his responsibilities
Nice Guy: and made terrible decisions
Nice Guy: so i would just
Nice Guy: want to forget everything each night ig
With a Lotta Money: ...chan
Nice Guy: it’s despicable i know
Nice Guy:i would drink the night away and pop pills for the hangover headaches
Nice Guy: that happened for about a month
Nice Guy: and during that month me and tae started to drift off
Nice Guy: ofc it wasnt his fault it was mine
Nice Guy: i used to act pissy and rude because i felt like shit
Nice Guy: my emotions were a mess and i constantly took it out on tae verbally
Nice Guy: i didnt bully him or anything i was just..really really mean
Nice Guy: i would apologize at the end of each day but ofc he got tired of it because apologies mean nothing when the person saying them doesnt give a shit
Nice Guy: i had a bit of an addiction
Nice Guy: well no
Nice Guy: i had an addiction
Nice Guy: it was fucking bad
Nice Guy: i dont know how my parents didnt know until the very end
Nice Guy: what happened the day me and Tae broke up was a mistake like everything else was and probably the worst day in my entire life
Nice Guy: idk what he told yo ubut
Nice Guy: there was a party that bambam and everyone else wanted me to go to
Nice GUy: there was beer, teenagers, and no security, no nothing
Nice Guy: the only adults there were the college people who graduated and were there to have fun like the rest of us
NIce Guy: i got drunk
Nice Guy: really really drunk actually which is weird since i have a good tolerance
Nice Guy: they probably put other hsit in those drinks
Nice Guy: but there was this guy and idk who he was but he
Nice Guy: he walked over to me and dragged me over to a corner
Nice Guy: i was too drunk to protest
With a Lotta Money: he forced himself onto you?
With a Lotta Money: chan thats serious
Nice Guy: in a way
Nice Guy: i didnt stop him
NIce Guy: and all he did was press me against the wall and shove his tongue down my throat
Nice Guy: i cheated
Nice Guy: i cheated on tae and jungkook was there maybe bambam called him maybe yugi called him idk but he was there
Nice Guy: he took pics and sent them to tae
Nice Guy: shoved the dude off of me and dragged my ass home
Nice Guy: tae was in front of the house sobbing
Nice Guy: he slapped me, broke up with me and ran away
Nice Guy: and then jungkook punched me in the nose ( i dont blame him i deserved it)
Nice Guy: and took him home
Nice Guy: my dad found me on the ground smelling like alcohol, smoke, and with blood running down my nose.
Nice Guy: and
Nice Guy: thats it
With a Lotta Money: he forced himself onto you
Nice Guy: not rlly
Nice Guy: we were both drunk and i didnt protest
With a Lotta Money: chan you didnt explicitly give him CONSENT
Nice Guy: look woojin i dont want you to judge me for this okay?> what happened happened you dont need to pretend to care about me anymore
With a Lotta Money: are you breaking up with me?
NIce Guy: no but YOURE breaking up with me
With a Lotta Money: who says im breaking up with you>
With a Lotta Money: did i say that im breaking up with you?
Nice Guy: you should break up with me
Nice Guy: i dont deserve someone as pure as you are
Nice Guy: ive already hurt the kim family and i cant hurt them more
With a Lotta Money: you didnt hurt my family
With a Lotta Money: yes you hurt tae
With a Lotta Money: and he cried to me all night for the next two months but after that you changed
With a Lotta Money: you became who you are now
With a Lotta Money: youve changed chan why are you leaving me?
NIce Guy: im not leaving you woojinnie you just dont deserve someone like me
Nice Guy: im not good enough for you
With a Lotta Money: then fucking break up with me
Nice Guy: what?
With a Lotta Money: IF YOU THINK I DONT DESERVE YOU THAT MUCH THEN BREAK UP WITH ME
Nice Guy: i CANT
With a Lotta Money: why??
Nice Guy: because i dont want to lose you woojin
With a Lotta Money: yes and i dont want to lose you either
With a Lotta Money: if you really think you dont deserve me then become someone that deserves me bitch
Nice Guy: i-
Nice Guy: why arent you breaking up with me
With a Lotta Money: BECAUSE I LIKE YOU ASSHOLE
With a Lotta Money: BECAUSE IVE LIKED YOU SINCE I FIRST LAID MY GODDAMN EYES ON YOU IN FRESHMAN YEAR YOU FUCKING DOUCHE BAG
Nice Guy: what
With a Lotta Money: my flipping brother never told me who you were
WIth a Lotta Money: i doubt my feelings for you were hidden
WIth a Lotta Money: my entire FAMILY knew you were dating my brother but they never told me because they knew i liked you
WIth a Lotta Money: so why the fuck
With a Lotta Money: are you leaving me you dumb fucking idiot
Nice Guy: youve liked me since freshman grade?
With a Lotta Money: yes
With a Lotta Money: yes i have
NIce Guy: oh
Nice Guy: im sorry
With a Lotta Money: i dont forgive you
With a Lotta Money: i might
Nice Guy: how?
With a Lotta Money: if you shut the fuck up and let me speak
Nice Guy: sorry
With a Lotta Money: stay with me
With a Lotta Money: you can STAY with me baby
With a Lotta Money: and ill learn to forgive you along the way
With a Lotta Money: no ones perfect chan
With a Lotta Money: what you did was dumb
With a Lotta Money: but that was almost two years ago darling
With a Lotta Money: and you've changed into a better person
With a Lotta Money: you know while you were helping rosie with her hw
With a Lotta Money: i asked mom about you
With a Lotta Money: guess what she told me
Nice Guy: that im an idiot who has no rights and i should never step foot in your house ever
With A Lotta Money: no you idiot
With a Lotta Money: she told me that you were a good person and to take care of you
With a Lotta Money: and shes the emotional parents
With a Lotta Money: tae hyung’s already forgiven you
WIth a Lotta Money: my parents have too
With a Lotta Money: so if you continue the way you are rn chan
With a Lotta Money: then ill forgive you too
Nice Guy: …
With a Lotta Money: don’t break up with me please?
Nice Guy: i would never dream of it
With a Lotta Money: good
With a Lotta Money: i like you a lot channie
With a Lotta Money: a lot
Nice Guy: i like you too
WIth a Lotta Money: which means that i am going to murder the person who forced themselves on you that day
Nice Guy: ….
With a Lotta Money: …
With a Lotta Money: tell me this
With a Lotta Money: did you enjoy making out with the guy?
Nice Guy: no…
With a Lotta Money: theres your answer chan
With a Lotta Money: you’re crying aren’t you
NIce Guy: rosie’s handing me tissues as we speak
With a Lotta Money: tell her hi from me
Nice Guy: she says she misses you
With a Lotta Money: tell her i’ll be back very soon
Nice Guy: i want snuggles
Nice Guy: if its not too soon?
With a Lotta Money: it isn't
With a Lotta Money: you’re okay chan
With a Lotta Money: you’re okay
With a Lotta Money: your past doesn’t define you channie
With a Lotta Money: okay?
Nice Guy: siduvnajvdsng
With a Lotta Money: channie?
Nice Guy: hi woojinnie oppa!!!
Nice Guy: this is rose!
Nice Guy: channie oppa rolled off the bed!
Nice Guy: he says to tell you that he likes you a lot
Nice Guy: and to come over for woocuddles
With a Lotta Money: oh hi rosie!
With a Lotta Money: did you finish your math homework?
Nice Guy: yep!!!
Nice Guy: channie oppa doesn’t teach as well as you though…
With a Lotta Money: oh really?
Nice Guy: yeah
With a Lotta Money: well then I’ll be sure to come over and help you, okay rosie?
Nice Guy: yay!!!
Nice Guy: thank you woojinnie oppa!
With a Lotta Money: anytime, rose
Nice Guy: oppa can i have a favor from you?
With a Lotta Money: sure
With a Lotta Money: what is it?
Nice Guy: channie oppa feels really bad over what happened with tae oppa two years ago
Nice Guy: he had a lot of trouble getting over the drinking thing…
Nice Guy: he spent a long time jyst hating himself for it and he still fully hasn’t forgiven himself for it.
Nice Guy: you need to tell him that its okay!!
With a Lotta Money: will do rosie
WIth a Lotta Money: *salute*
Nice Guy: hehe
Nice Guy: *salute* !!
With a Lotta Money: :D
NIce Guy: okay its chan sry abt her
With a Lotta Money: don’t be sorry, i love her
Nice Guy: okayyy
NIce Guy: please hurry
Nice Guy: i’m out of tissues
With a Lotta Money: im omw darling
With a Lotta Money: i recommend screenshotting those messages to remind yourself of it chan
Nice Guy: smh
Nice Guy: just het over here
NIce Guy: *get omg
With a Lotta Money: …
With a Lotta Money: will do
Nice Guy: <3
WIth a Lotta Money: <3
Crackhead Family (9) 12:01pm
Mom: never
Mom: ever
Mom: make woojinnie mad
Maknae: what the heck channie hyung?
Mom: just keep in mind
Mom: he doesnt cuss much
Mom: but when he does…
Dad: channie i WILL take my flamethrower with me
Mom: what the heck
Problem Child 1: omg FLAMETHROWER IWANT IT
Dad: no
Dad: its mine
Problem Child 1: :(
Problem Child 1: fine
Woojin grinned, running down the stairs. Jin was making lunch in the kitchen. She shot him a mischievous look at he ran into the kitchen. Woojin hugged her and kissed her cheek firmly. “Mom, I really like him.” Jin smiled at her son, patting his head lovingly. “As you should, honey. As you should. “
Woojin grinned and ran out the door, grabbing his jacket and shrugging it on.
Jin rolled her eyes good naturedly at her son, going back to stirring the pot. “That boy is far too cute for his own good.”
---
Chan was waiting for Woojin outside the house, a bouquet of flowers in his hand. Woojin ran up to him and kissed him full on the mouth, taking the flowers as he did so. Chan made a sound of surprise before twisting his arms around Woojin’s waist.
“What’s this?” He asked. Woojin looked at him straight in the eye. “I’m mad at you for being dumb, but I’m even more proud of you for getting over your addiction. I’m so proud of you, baby. And I trust that you will never cheat on me because of what happened. So don’t hate yourself, okay?” Chan sniffed, tears forming at the base of his eyes.
Woojin cooed, wiping Chan’s tears away. “Don’t cry, Channie, it’s okay?” Chan pouted and buried his head in Woojin’s chest, sobs wracking his body. Woojin shushed him gently, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend and pulling him close. “Everyone hated me after- after that and it was so hard getting over the stupid alcohol thing and everyone from there went after me and tried to get me back and I nearly did, Woojinnie it was so hard .” Woojin pressed a kiss to the crown of Chan’s head. “I know, baby, it must have been. But you’re okay, now? You’re okay, honey, you’re okay. It’s over and they know not to mess with you, right? They leave you alone. Those are just memories, baby, just memories.”
Chan nodded, taking in a shuddering breath. “Just memories.” He said. “My maze of memories.” Woojin nodded, fixing Chan’s hair. “Just your maze of memories, darling. And you know what’s great about mazes?” He asked.
Chan shook his head.
Woojin smiled sweetly at him.
“There’s always a way out, baby. You just have to find it.”
Goldilocks and Baby Bear: (2) 2:29pm
Baby Bear: hyung
Baby Bear: did you date Bang Chan before you dated Jungkook
Goldilocks: oh
Goldilocks: you figured it out?
Baby Bear: he's my boyfriend
Goldilocks: i'm happy for you, woojinnie
Goldilocks: if he hurts you i will get kookie to murder him
Baby Bear: i love you hyung
Baby Bear: and i really like him
Goldilocks: i can tell
Goldilocks: you know
Goldilocks: he's always had an eye on you
Goldilocks: everyone knew except for him
Goldilocks: both of you are adorable together
Goldilocks: forgive him
Baby Bear: i will
Baby Bear: soon enough
Goldilocks: :D
Baby Bear: and stop sending of pictures of me!
Goldilocks: HAHAHAH
Goldilocks: NEVER
Baby Bear: im rolling my eyes at you hyung
Goldilocks: i love you to, my baby bear
Baby Bear: <33
Baby Bear: luv you too tae tae hyungie
Notes:
:D
Summary: Chan is Tae's Ex, they dated for three months when Chan was in 10th and Tae in 12th. Chan ended up in the wrong crowd, made bad decisions and eventually ended up cheating on Tae drunkenly at some party. Tae broke up with him, and Chan's left with an alcohol addiction, a broken nose, and a mad family. But he becomes a much better person and eventually gets over his addiction, leading to the Channie we know and love now, in this story!!anyways. LETS TALK ABOUT THE COMEBACK SHALL WE??? like.... im dead, i can imagine it already
Chia: Sept 12, 2006 - June 17, 2020
Cause of Death: Stray Kids ComebackYANG JEONGIN HAS NO RIGHTS TO BE THAT ATTRACTIVE IN THE MV AND FELIX'S "five star michelin" will haunt me forever FOREVER I TELL YOU AND oh my GOD pacemaker?? GOD'S MENU?? ART? THE ENTIRE DAMN THING???? ANOTHER DAY THAT MF GUITAR AND JISUNGIES VOICE??? i stan the right bois
stan talent stan stray kids guysi love you all, stay safe everyone mkay? <3
Chapter 12: My Mother is NOT Single and NOT Ready to Mingle
Summary:
Cutie Child: :’0
Floopy Child: :0
Problem Child 1: are they…
Favorite: *nods*
Favorite: *lowers binoculars*
Favorite: they’re communicatingMaknae: and here we have...two wild animals communicating in their wild habitat
Maknae: stay tuned for more on… Seungjin Dynamics!
Notes:
or: a cracccy filler chapter so that i can get ready for my long awaited (not rlly) sope arc
have fun~
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
September 4th, Monday
Crackhead Family (9) 6:30am
Mom: EVERYONE UP
Mom: UP UP UP
Mom: NO ONE BETTER BE LATE FOR SCHOOL TODAY
Dad: channie school starts at 7:45
Dad: we have time
Dad: wait
Dad: nvm we dont have time
Dad: EVERYONE GET YOUR ASSES UP OR I WILL SET MY MOTHER ON YOU AND YOU DONT WANT TO SEE HER WHEN SHES DEDICATED
Satan: what
Satan: what is happening
Satan: oh shit
Satan: school
Satan: is Jeongin awake yet
Satan: JEONGIN GET UP GET UP GET UP WE BOTH KNOW YOUR DADS SHIT AT ALARMS
Satan: JEONGIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
Maknae: omg
Maknae: my dad didnt wake me agin
Maknae: what time is it
Maknae: AM I LATE??
Satan: NO BUT YOU VERY WELL BE IF YOU DONT GET YOUR ASS HERE RIGHT NOE
Maknae: OH SHIT
Problem Child 2: but we have an hour? and fifteen minutes????
Wine Aunt: shhhh
Wine Aunt: let the chaos reign supreme
Problem Child 2: oh whit we only have an hour and fifteen minutes what am i doing with my lfie
Favorite: no one knows bean bitch
Problem Child 2: why do you hate me
Favorite: tis the mark of a soldier, young padawan
Problem Child 2: i hate you
Problem Child 2: so much
Favorite: tis the mark of a soldier
Favorite: you must bear it with pride
Problem Child 1: oh?
Problem Child 1: what is dis
Maknae: TINY HAND
Maknae: tiny tiney hand
Satan: felix has tiny hands
Maknae: tiny hand
Favorite: ew
Favorite: tiny hands
Maknae: *tiny
Problem Child 2: i think its cute
Favorite: thank you, young seo
Problem Child 2: if that was an all might reference-
Dad: CHILDREN
Dad: WE CAN TALK ABOUT THE WONDERS OF BNHA LATER
Dad: FOR NOW TO GO SCHOOL
Dad: did jeonginnie ever finish his work?
Maknae: yes i did in fact
Maknae: my dad isn't as useless as I thought he was
Dad: don't be mean innie
Dad: streaming chicken noodle soup constantly doesnt mean hes useless
Maknae: HE THINKS STREAMING CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP IS A PERSONALITY TRAIT
Maknae: HOW IS IT A PERSONALITY TRAIT HYUNG
Maknae: HOW
Maknae: I AM: in sHOCK
Dad: okay okay
Dad: go get ready
Maknae: why don't you get ready hyung
Mom: wait
Mom: what abt hyunjin
Mom: is he awake??
Drama Llama: omg
Drama Llama: yeji poured water over my head AGAIN
Dad:...
Dad: is this normal
Drama Llama: oh yes dw
Drama Llama: standard wake up call
Drama LLama: i gtg hyungie
Drama Llama: byeee
Dad: okay
Dad: wonderful
Mom: this is normal
Mom: n o r m a l
Dad: w o n d e r f u l
Crackhead Family (9) 12:32pm
Drama Llama: coke
Satan: poke
Drama Llama: pole
Satan: mole
Drama Llama: molt
Satan: holt
Drama Llama: hole
Satan: hold
Drama Llama: mold
Satan: meld
Drama Llama: held
Satan: hild
Drama Llama: mild
Satan: mile(s)
Drama Llama: pile
Satan: file
Drama Llama: fill
Satan: mill
Drama Llama: pill
Satan: poll (to make chan hyung president)
Drama Llama: *signed*
Satan: pleasure working with you
Drama Llama: *bows*
Satan: *pats head*
Drama Llama: *preens*
Satan: cute
Drama Llama: >///<
Problem Child 1: wtf you guys are sitting ACROSS from each other
Favorite: shush jisungie
Favorite: they’re bonding
Satan: ^
Drama Llama: ^^
Favorite: i ship it
Drama Llama: >/////<
Satan: cute
Drama Llama: >/////<
Satan: <33
Drama Llama: <333
Satan: uwu
Drama Llama: u w u
Drama Llama: cute
Satan: :0
Satan: >/////<
Satan: hehe
Drama Llama has changed Satan’s name to Cutie Child
Cutie Child: ooo?
Drama Llama: :D
Cutie Child has changed Drama Llama’s name to Floopy Child
Floopy Child: owo
Cutie Child: owo
Floopy Child: :D
Cutie Child: :D)
Floopy Child: ew
Cutie Child: :’0
Floopy Child: :0
Problem Child 1: are they…
Favorite: *nods*
Favorite: *lowers binoculars*
Favorite: they’re communicating
Maknae: and here we have...two wild animals communicating in their wild habitat
Maknae: stay tuned for more on… Seungjin Dynamics!
Cutie Child: owo?
Cutie Child: *looks at hyunjin*
Floopy Child: owo
Floopy Child: *nods*
Floopy Child: *hugs minnie*
Cutie Child: *hugs bacc*
Floopy Child: *he protecc*
Problem Child: *he attacc*
Maknae: but most importantly….
Favorite: *he’s got ur bacc*
Maknae: AND SCENE
Maknae: wonderful job today everyone
Crackhead Family (9) 4:03 pm
Mom: what the heck
Wine Aunt: seungjin??
Wine Aunt: oh?
Mom: oh no
Dad: oh my
Cutie Child: o wo
Floopy Child: :D
Dad: okay my dear children
Dad: how was everyones day?
Dad: jeonginnie did you get your math hw?
Maknae: unfortunately
Dad: ask for help if you need it
Maknae: okayyyy
Maknae: ill ask my dad
Maknae: he can do math
Maknae: that must be why he’s a professor at the college
Maknae: he teaches math
Dad: i-
Dad: yes yes
Dad: be proud of your father innie
Maknae: absolutely not
Maknae: not until he gets a girlfriend
Maknae: or a boyfriend
Dad: *sigh*
Dad: okay
Just a Nice Guy With a Lotta Money WOO (2) 4:08
Nice Guy: hi woojinnie
With a Lotta Money: hi channie
Nice Guy: how was your day?
With a Lotta Money: oh it was fine
With a Lotta Money: i will kill my history teacher though
Nice Guy: oh ew history
Nice Guy: pointless subject really
With a Lotta Money: yes
With a Lotta Money: absolutely pointless
Nice Guy: do you wanna marry me?
With a Lotta Money: too soon
With a Lotta Money: ...maybe dont ask that for a while?
Nice Guy: okayy
Nice Guy: sorry
With a Lotta Money: dont apologize its okay
With a Lotta Money: you know what we should do?
With a Lotta Money: we should play twenty questions with the kids
With a Lotta Money: we need to get to know each other a bit more
Nice Guy: oooo
Nice Guy: sure!!
Crackhead Family (9) 4:15
Dad: guys!
Dad: do you wanna play twenty questions?
Dad: since all of us dont know each other that well
Problem Child 1: i keep forgetting
Favorite: that he doesnt know
Wine Aunt: wives
Wine Aunt: jilix rise
Favorite: sunshine twins
Problem Child 1: uwuwuw
Problem Child 1: sunshine twins!!!!
Problem Child 1: but i still wanna play twenty questions
Favorite: ^
Favorite: sameeeee
Problem Child 2: i think we’re all free
Dad: :D
Dad: yayyyyy
Woe is WOW(3) 4:17pm
Zookeeper: omg
Zookeeper: hes cute
Noona Lover: hes ur bf
Noona Lover: ofc you think hes cute
Zookeeper: but i need to take it slow
Zookeeper: i TOLD him
Fiona: you told him?
Zookeeper: yeah
Zookeeper: he took it better than i thought he would
Noona Lover: we all knew he was going to take it alright
Noona Lover: he likes you too much
Zookeeper: hes liked me since freshman
Zookeeper: and i cant help but think about what would happen if i had dated him when we were freshman
Fiona: you would have crashed and burned
Fiona: freshman year…
Zookeeper: i know
Zookeeper: i would have broken his heart instead of tae’s
Zookeeper: idk what id be doing
Noona Lover: you’ll be alright hyung
Noona Lover: everything’s going to be alright
Zookeeper: i know
Zookeeper: thank you both
Zookeeper: ily
Fiona: anytime hyung
Noona Lover: anytime parental figure~
Zookeeper: smh
Zookeeper: <3
Crackhead Family (9) 4:25
Dad: okay okayyyy
Dad: the twenty questions areeee
Dad: your favorite food, your favorite animal, your favorite color, your favorite hobby, a random fact about yourself, what subject you hate the most, a random fact about your parents, whether you like bears or not, whether you like chicken or not, whether you thing jeonginnie is cute, your favorite glue brand, if you have any siblings, who your parents are, whether you think you would be able to survive in the wilderness for a month or not, what your dream job is (what you aim to be), what took you way too long to figure out, a random fact about your siblings (if you dont have any then abt urself), whether you think that war is inevitable, and three more facts abt urself
Dad: :D
Dad: who wants to go first?
Mom: lets go age order?
Mom: maknae first
Mom: since he went last last time?
Maknae: yay
Maknae: those are.. A lot of questions hhhh
Maknae: but
Maknae: idk ill eat almost anything except for beans, fennec fox!, hot pink, singing baby shark, i love baby shark, history, my dad is single and ready to mingle or he might have a girlfriend
Maknae: oo i like bears
Dad: good
Mom: ...thats mildly threatening
Dad: g o o d
Maknae: hhhh
Favorite: MY MOM IS SINGLE AND READY TO MINGLE
Favorite: take her
Maknae: take my father please
Favorite: what if they were to date
Maknae: oh my
Maknae: idk how id feel abt that
Favorite: …
Favorite: true
Favorite: i cant imagine my mom dating
Favorite: *shudders* she once told me her teenage sunflower was pregnant and i didnt know whether to feel bad for the sunflower or pray for the father
Maknae: suddenly my dad is not single
Favorite: rip
Maknae: BUT I WILL CONTINUE BECAUSE ITS MY TURN
Maknae:i like chicken
Maknae: i dont think im cute
Dad: get ready to die, maknae
Maknae: what the hecK>???
Notes:
did you l like the seungjin? i did too (woojinnie's a little bby bear uwu)
anyways im rlly tired and would like to go to sleep so im not going to say anything (its only 10:19 why am i sleepyyy) but um stan stray kids theyre great i love them a lot...stream God's Menu tis a bopanyways stay safe everyone <3
drop a comment i always reply~ ( i need some plot ideas im dry rn)
talk to me about the godsend that is kim woojin the baby bear because i love him and want him to open up a chicken shopSSP:
-read my fics!
- like all of them
- please and thank you
Chapter 13: they just talk about random stuff tbh
Summary:
Cutie Child: did you know
Cutie Child: that the urge to squeeze someone really hard when we think they’re cute is actually our brains way of coping with their cuteness?
Cutie Child: our brain goes
Cutie Child: “this is too cute so imma kill it”
Cutie Child: LIKE PYTHONS
Cutie Child: isn’t that great???Maknae: NO IT ISNT
Notes:
more filler stuff!! they literally just talk about random stuff lmao its not rlly cracky but OH WELL
sucks to suck im sorry all my crack has gone to my new series (which you should check out btw theres two works in there the series is called A Cuppa Coffee For Your Head thank you)
anywayshave fun~
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
The Twenty Questions Themselves For Your (and chia’s) Reference : your favorite food, your favorite animal, your favorite color, your favorite hobby, a random fact about yourself, what subject you hate the most, a random fact about your parents, whether you like bears or not, whether you like chicken or not, whether you thing jeonginnie is cute, your favorite glue brand, if you have any siblings, who your parents are, whether you think you would be able to survive in the wilderness for a month or not, what your dream job is (what you aim to be), what took you way too long to figure out, a random fact about your siblings (if you dont have any then abt urself), whether you think that war is inevitable, and three more facts abt urself
Crackhead Family (9) 4:30 pm
Maknae: wait wait WHY AM I DYING
Dad: you don’t think you’re cute
Dad: you must die
Cutie Child: did you know
Cutie Child: that the urge to squeeze someone really hard when we think they’re cute is actually our brains way of coping with their cuteness?
Cutie Child: our brain goes
Cutie Child: “this is too cute so imma kill it”
Cutie Child: LIKE PYTHONS
Cutie Child: isn’t that great???
Maknae: NO IT ISNT
Maknae: DOES THAT MEAN EVERYONE ACTUALLY WANTS TO KILL ME????
Dad: SO YOU ADMIT YOURE CUTE?
Dad: good
Dad: you deserve to be called cute every day for the rest of your life
Dad: <3
Maknae: um
Maknae: what the hell
Maknae: <3
Dad: :D
Maknae: uwu
Dad: OKAY NEXT
Dad: SEUNGMINNIE NEXT
Cutie Child: okayyyy
Cutie Child :eggs, puppies, purple, scrolling through wikipedia on days when i cant sleep and singing, i like hotel del luna a lot, history, my mom has this atrocious hot pink sweater that she likes to wear whenever ppl come over to embarass me (sigh), i like bears, i like chicken too, innie's adorable uwu, um idk glue brands...elmers??, no siblings!!, um their names are dowoon and wonpil, yes i would, idk yet, that my dad's an idiot, im emotionally constipated woot, war can only be evaded for so long, hmm...im still not over hotel del luna, im a nerd, i wear glasses
Cutie Child: :D
Floopy Child: you like hotel del lunaaaa?
Cutie Child: YEP
Floopy Child: omg
Floopy Child: sAME
Floopy Child: thoughts on the ending?
Cutie Child: hhhh
Cutie Child: it was great tbh
Cutie Child: but i rlly wanted them to meet in the afterlfie
Cutie Child: and in the next life
Cutie Child: self indulgence
Floopy Child: yesss
Floopy Child: their relationship was so sad :(
Floopy Child: but i loved it cause it’s something that was kinds subtle and soft and amazing
Floopy Child: :( it broke my heart int oso many pieces
Floopy Child: i need someone to binge it withhhhh
Floopy Child: you wanna?
Cutie Child: !!!
Cutie Child: rllyyyy
Cutie Child: i wouldnt be imposing?
Floopy Child: not at all!!
Floopy Child: :D my parents wont mind
Floopy Child: yeji might have ryujin over but they arent that bad
Floopy Child: they’ll leave us alone if i ask them tooooo
Cutie Child: omg okay
Cutie Child: ive needed to binge it since forever
Problem Child 1: get a room you two omg
Cutie Child: shut up you self absorbed squirrel
Problem Child 1: HEY
Cutie Child: lmao
Cutie Child: im kissing
Cutie Child: *kidding
Cutie Child: sry but i dont wanna kiss you
Problem Child 1: ew same
Cutie Child: :D
Cutie Child: ooo
Cutie Child: WHAT IF WE ALL MET UP
Mom: not now
Mom: or anywhere near the future
Mom: you all need to focus on school for some time you know
Mom: and we have lunch
Floopy Child: but the hyungs are rarely ever at lunch
Floopy Child: especially you woojin hyung
Floopy Child: where are you??
Dad: oh
Dad: oh yeah i had to do that
Dad: sry some of my friends are a tad...possessive
Mom: what
Dad: ..yeah
Dad: they arent the best lol
Dad: i need to tell them to fuck off tomorrow
Dad: channie remind me, will you?
Dad: also everyone can come over on saturday for a sleepover
Dad: my parents are out that day
Dad: dad has a meeting and mom’s going with them
Dad: we can
all
binge hotel del luna if you wish
Dad: or extraordinary you
Dad: who wants to watch extradordinary you
Problem Child 2: MEEEEEE
Problem Child 2: I WANNA WATCH EXTRAORDINARY YOU
Problem Child 2: ROWOON IS HOT
Problem Child 1: he’s kinda gay you see
Problem Child 2: I AM VERY GAY
Problem Child 2: onE OF THE MOST GAY EVER
Problem Child 2: HAVE YOU SEEN ROWOON????
Wine Aunt: wait isnt he the dude who played haru?
Problem Child 2: YES
Problem Child 2: FROM SF9
Problem Child 2: I LOVE HIM
Wine Aunt: oh my god him
Wine Aunt: he’s HOT
Problem Child 2: RIGHT?????
Problem Child 2: AND HES SO TALL
Floopy Child: everyones tall to you hyung
Problem Child 2: shut up brat
Problem Child 2: not my fault that my mothers never told me to drink more milk when i was older
Problem Child 2: now that i think about it
Problem Child 2: it runs in the family
Problem Child 2: omg
Problem Child 2: moms are short
Problem Child 2: wait but i was adopted
Problem Child 2: does being around short people make you short?
Cutie Child: nope!
Cutie Child: being around someone for long periods of time only causes you to imitate their behavior, nothing physical
Cutie Child: physical traits such as height can only be influenced by genes and external influences
Problem Child 2: my parents ARE external influences!
Cutie Child: not like that you idiot
Cutie Child: like you not drinking milk
Cutie Child: not because your moms are short
Cutie Child: dumbass
Problem Child 1: hey quick question
Problem Child 1: dont answer if not comfortable
Problem Child 1: but whats yall sexuality?
Problem Child 1: are we all queer or?
Dad: bi
Mom: bi
Wine Aunt: gay as fuck
Dad: language
Mom: english
Dad: shush you
Problem Child 2: kinky
Problem Child 2: lmao
Problem Child 2: but also pan!!
Problem Child 1: pan :D
Floopy Child: well
Floopy Child: im ace
Floopy Child: but straight?
Floopy Child: idk does that make me queer
Floopy Child: cause like im 14 so what do i know abt...being ace
Wine Aunt: worry not!
Wine Aunt: you are young yet, but you can still be ace, and be sure about it
Wine Aunt: you can always change in the future
Wine Aunt: and yes asexuals are queer
Wine Aunt: you’re included dw hyunjinnie
Wine Aunt: and even if you weren’t we’d love you all the same
Floopy Child: :D
Floopy Child: thanks hyung
Floopy Child: im still questioning tho
Floopy Child: like i could like a guy
Cutie Child: !! you’ll be included no matter whattt
Floopy Child: <3
Floopy Child: :D
Favorite: i like pans
Favorite: i like to kiss my pans
Favorite: pans are da best
Mom: omg felix no
Favorite: felix YES
Favorite: im pansexual i like pans i live for pans JISUNGIE TWINS
Problem Child 1: suddenly im attraced to pans
Problem Child 1: brb gotta go kiss one real quick
Favorite: yass queen
Problem Child 1: *dab*
Mom: NO
Mom: no dabbing PLEASE
Cutie Child: lmao
Cutie Child: anyways pan
Cutie Child: triplets?
Favorite: YASSSSS
Problem Child 1: YASSSS
Problem Child 1: join us
Problem Child 2: ah yes
Problem Child 2: the virgin trio of terror
Mom: well id hope so
Dad: chanGBIN
Problem CHild: WAIT NO
Problem Child 2: *virgo
Problem Child 2: omg
Dad: oh thank god
Favorite: ope
FavoriteL >///<
Cutie Child: oh my
Cutie Child: this is interesting
Problem Child 1: update: i have kissed a pan
Problem Child 1: papa just...nodded at me and told me to discover myself
Problem Child 1: wtv HE SUPPORTS
Problem Child 1: PANS RISE
Cutie Child: *raises pan*
Problem Child 1: YES
Favorite: lmao my mom was shook
Favorite: shes going on ANOTHER DATE
Maknae: at...5pm??
Favorite: she’s getting ready
Favorite: i can smell it
Favorite: literally
Favorite: she always puts rose petals around the house to like clean her essence or some shit
Favorite: idk why
Favorite: but she smells great afterwards and i get rose scented cuddles!!
Problem Child 2: luckyy
Problem Child 2: my moms dont go out on dates anymore since mom birthed the twins
Problem Child 2: rip
Favorite Child: f
Favorite Child: you should plan smth for them on valentines/anniversary
Favorite: we can take care of the twins for a couple house
Favorite: right?
Dad: HOW OLD ARE THEY
Problem Child 2: id appreciate that!!
Problem Child 2: and woojin hyung, three
Dad: I VOLUNTEER
Mom: omg thats so cute
Mom: ill help
Mom: valentines day is a long way away though
Problem Child 2: their anniversary is abt a month away though so
Problem Child 2: keep your october 9th free?
Problem Child 2: its a sunday
Mom: marked!!
Mom: ooo its three days before my bday cool
Maknae: IM ACE
Maknae: i like cuddles
Maknae: idrk what i like romantically cause ive only liked girls uptil now
Maknae: but i dont think im straight? So WHATEVER
Maknae: i like baby shark
Maknae: im baby shark sexual
Maknae: its great
Cutie Child: wait jeongin NO
Maknae: JEONGIN YES
Dad: TWENTY QUESTIONS TIME
Dad: FELIX ITS YOUR TURN
Favorite: what even were the questions
Dad: ...idk
Dad: just tell us about yourself i guess
Dad: i need to get to know you all more!
Mom: ISNT HE ADORABLE
Mom: THE ABSOLUTE CUTEST
Dad: shush you
Mom: UWUWUWU
Favorite: ew pda
Favorite: anyways
Favorite: i dont think you need to know anything besides the fact that i like memes
Favorite: and follow me on tik tok
Favorite: i need clout
Wine Aunt: you do not need clout felix
Favorite: shut up hyung
Favorite: and im from australia
Mom: EYYYYY
Mom: AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE
Favorite: OI OI OI
Mom: GDAY FELLAS
Mom: MY NAMES BANG CHAN
Favorite: AND IM FELIX
Mom: AND WERE FROM
Favorite: AUSTRALIA
Mom: WOOOOOOO
Favorite: WOOOO
Dad: okay moving on
Floopy Child: im australian
Favorite: YOU ARE?
Floopy Child: :( no
Floopy Child: wish i was though
Favorite: ill help you become australian hyunjin
Floopy Child: REALLY??
Favorite: yes
Favorite: but only the slang
Favorite: and english
Floopy Child: YAY
Mom: we need to have english lessons
Mom: changbin keeps on getting sad when me and jisung make songs with english in them
Mom: he feels left out
Problem Child 2: DO NOT
Dad: are we just
Dad: ignoring the questions
Maknae: yes
Maknae: sorry hyung
Maknae: my dads going out today sigh
Maknae: who wants to come over
Maknae: i need help with geometry
Dad: comingg
Dad: do you want cookies
Maknae: pancakes??
Dad: yeah mom has some left
Dad: she told me to give them to all of you
Maknae: BRING THEM
Cutie Child: wait im coming too
Cutie Child: i like geometry
Maknae: i never figure out how
Maknae: geometry’s devil’s work
Cutie Child: guess what so am i bitch
Cutie Child: *dab*
Mom: dear god
Notes:
welpppp
i think next chapter we might actually get some plot??
also sorry for the lack of twenty questions it refused to flow that way so rip woojin can learn more about them as time goes on!!
i actually have some stuff planned for this so im exciteddd yay its not rlly funny anymore which is sad but itll hopefully get more..cracky?? idk but lets see hahastay safe everyoneeeee
comment if you wish ill be happy if you doooo and if you have plot ideas plz comment i do love myself some more ideas!!
SSP:
- new series uwu its called A Cuppa Coffee For Your Head (the two works are Coffee and Monster Energy Drinks Do Not Mic and I'm Not a Morning Person (woochan and minsung on crack respectively..i have stuff planned for that as well so go check it out if you wish!!)
Chapter 14: ...Chicken Flavored Pancakes?
Summary:
Favorite Child: my mom is too
Favorite Child: innie our parents go out on the same days
Favorite Child: and they’re both singleMaknae: oh my god
Maknae: oh my god
Maknae: FELIX HYUNG WHAT IF THEYRE DATING EACH OTHER
Notes:
part one of the sope arc! finally! IT TOOK 20K TO REACH THE SECOND PLOT POINT TF
*sigh*
anywayshave fun~
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
It’s still Monday! September 4th!
Crackhead Family (9) 5:24pm
Dad: i’m trash
Mom: as someone who deeply cares about the environment i am obligated to pick you up
Mom: is next weekend at seven okay?
Problem Child 2: goddamn that was smooth
Problem Child 1: WHERE DID YOU LEARN THAT HYUNG
Problem Child 1: TEACH ME PLEASE
Mom: tumblr lmao
Mom: but why in the world would you need to know how to flirt
Mom: you’re thirteen
Problem Child 1: >:(
Problem Child 1: just because
Problem Child 1: ya know
Mom: no i dont know
Mom: and just get a tumblr honestly
Mom: or a pinterest
Mom: that works too
Problem Child 1: yeeeeeet
Favorite Child: i have been summoned by the yeet
Favorite CHild: ALSO
Favorite Child: WHO THINKS THAT YEET SHOULD BE A PROPER WORD IN THE DICTIONARY
Problem Child 1: ME
Problem Child 1: I NEED TO USE IT IN MY DAILY LIFE WITHOUT GETTING JUDGED
Problem Child 1: JUST BECAUSE SOME PEOPLE ARE IDIOTS
Favorite Child : yasss
Favorite Child : also
Favorite Child : my mom is out today too
Favorite Child : she’s out on a dATEEEEE
Favorite Child 1: hhh i still dont know who it is
Favorite Chlid : but anyways
Favorite Child: can i come over innie
Favorite Child: i have geometry hw too
Favorite Child: dont like geometry
Favorite Child: i still don’t know how to prove theorems???
Favorite Child: like
Favorite Child: help me please lmao idk what im doing
Cutie Child: omg theorems
Cutie Child: wait but we aren’t even on theorems yet
Favorite Child: i like to be prepared
Favorite Child: please help
Cutie Child: dw i will!!!
Cutie Child: also innie im almost at your house
Cutie Child: i bring with me snaccs
Cutie Child: mom handed me a random bucket of fried chicken??
Cutie Child: im at your door rn
Maknae: wait lmao hyung why dyu have a bucket of fried chicken-
Maknae: OH LMAOO
Maknae: i love your mom so much
Maknae: tell her i love her
Cutie Child: hhhhh
Cutie Child: she loves you more than she loves me anyways
Cutie Child: anywayucjdbvdvu
Favorite Child:???
Maknae: HAHAHA HE DROPPED HIS PHONE
Maknae: HES HOLDING ON TO THE CHICKEN THO
Dad: IM HERE
Dad: I HEARD CHICKEN
Dad: OH MY FUCKING GOD KIM SEUNGMIN
Dad: DO NOT DROP THAT FUCKING CHICKEN THAT IS MY ENTIRE LIFE IN YOUR HANDS YOU BITCH
Mom: oh my god you broke him
Cutie Child: okay i got my phone back
Cutie Child: THE CHICKEN IS UNHARMED THANKS A LOT WOOJIN HYUNG
Dad: YOU NEARLY DROPPED THE CHICKEN
Dad: SEUNGMIN I TRUSTED YOU
Cutie Child: oh my god???/
CUtie Child: JEONGIN IS LAUGHING SO HARD RN DIE IN HELL
Favorite Child: okay im here
Favorite Child: what the hell happened
Cutie Child: chicken is more important than me supposedly
Favorite Child: lmao yeah it is
Maknae: AHHAHAHAHHHAA
Cutie Child:
Cutie Child: give me my chicken im walking home now
Cutie Child: if you dont love me without my chicken
Cutie Child: you dont deserve me with my chicken
Maknae: HAHAHAHAH
Dad: ABSOLUTELY NOT
Dad: THE CHICKEN STAYS
Cutie Child: >:(
Cutie Child: great
Cutie Child: lets hurry up im cold
Dad: you arent cold its the beginning of september
Dad: uwu seungminnie looks so cute when he’s blushing
Cutie Child: die
Favorite Child: *cough* iF ANYONE WAS INTERESTED
Favorite Child: *cough cough*
Favorite Child: SEUNGMIN LOOKS DOWNRIGHT ADORABLE WHEN HES BLUSHING
Favorite Child: *COUGH COUGH*
Floopy Child: what is happening
Floopy Child: felix are you good?
Floopy Child: seungminnie looks cute whilst blushing??
Favorite Child: mission accomplished ;)
Cutie Child: YAH
Cutie Child: GET YOUR ASSES IN HERE SO I CAN TEACH YOU GEOMETRY
Cutie Child: AND SO THAT WOOJIN HYUNG CAN FEED YOU PANCAKES AND CHICKEN
Problem Child 1: …. chicken flavored pancakes?
Floopy Child: CURSED
Floopy Child: okay i am out
Floopy Child: i have dance bye yall
Favorite Child: omg dance
Favorite Child: i do that too
Favorite Child: studio?
Floopy Child: 0325
Floopy Child: you?
Favorite Child: EYYYYYY SAME
Favorite Child: okay seungmin is threatening no chicken byeeee
Floopy Child: same same bye yall
Wine Aunt: WHAT IS THIS ABOUT STUDIO 0325?
Wine Aunt: omg
Wine Aunt: im adopting you now
Wine Aunt: i go to the same studio lovelies
Wine Aunt: my days are wednesday, thursday, and friday
Wine Aunt: level three
Wine Aunt: but also woochan back off im taking custody of your dancing children
Mom: noooooooo
Mom: theyre still mind
Mom: i’ll share
Wine Aunt: fine
Favorite Child: wait innie ur dad is out?
Maknae: im sitting right across from you wth
Favorite Child: i dont want minnie to yell at me
Cutie Child: too late bitch
Favorite Child: aw shit
Favorite Child: okay but sry seungminnie
Favorite Child: but innie?
Maknae: mhm
Maknae: hes on a date
Favorite Child: my mom is too
Favorite Child: innie our parents go out on the same days
Favorite Child: and they’re both single
Maknae: oh my god
Maknae: oh my god
Maknae: FELIX HYUNG WHAT IF THEYRE DATING EACH OTHER
Favorite Child: oh no oh no oh no oh no
Favorite Child: oh my god
Maknae: wait are you okay?
Favorite Child: IDK
Favorite Child: i dont even remember my dad thi sis all very weird haha
Favorite Child: like what if they end up getting married
Favorite Child: then what happens???
Maknae: then we become brothers
Maknae: it’ll be okay, hyung
Favorite Child: i
Favorite Child: i dont even know why im so scared like i really shouldn’t be
Favorite Child: but it’s a big change you know?
Maknae: mhm
Favorite Child: oh no now im crying
Favorite Child: :((( woojin hyungies hugs are the best
Favorite Child: he feels like a teddy bearr oh no
Favorite Child: INNIE
Maknae: :)
Maknae: you wanna continue to text or say it out loud?
Favorite Child: text if thats okay?
Favorite Child: wait im i bothering you guys?
Favorite Child: like im probably spamming haha
Problem Child 2: you arent spamming lix
Problem Child 2: you can continue on here if you’re comfortable
Problem Child 2: we’re all here for you okay?
Favorite Child 2: thank you pizza hyung
Problem Child 2: <3
Favorite Child: innie
Favorite Child: if they actually are dating
Favorite Child: and they actually end up getting married
Favorite Child: ill need space
Maknae: ofc hyung!
Maknae: i wouldn’t want to pressure you into anything
Maknae: i know it’s a really big change
Maknae: it is for me too so i think we’d both need the space
Favorite Child: thank you <33
Favorite Child: ily
Maknae: i do too hyung!!! <33
Maknae: but we shouldnt get ahead of ourselves lmao
Maknae: they might not even be dating
Favorite Child: mhm
Favorite Child: omg these pancakes are so good
Favorite Child: whos are they again?
Dad: my mom’s
Dad: ill make them for you whenever you want lixie
Favorite Child: !!
Favorite Child: you can cook!
Dad: ofc i can
Dad: my mom is a wonderful cook
Dad: dad and taetae hyung are terrible at cooking
Dad: someone had to take up the tradition lmao
Dad: that and cooking dates are fun
Mom: uwu
Mom: ive never had one
Mom: properly anyways
Dad: smh
Dad: tae doesn’t know how to cook at all
Dad: i honestly wonder how jungkook handles him
Mom: *sigh*
Mom: he still glares at me in the hallways
Dad: its all a joke tho?
Mom: true
Mom: ITS STILL SCARY
Dad: omg
Dad: FELIX IS SO CUTEEEEE
Dad: my favorite son
Dad: mwah
Dad: i love you
Maknae: this is so cute
Maknae: woojin hyung kissed the top of felix hyung’s head
Maknae: omg
Maknae: the reaction to the pancakes is wonderful HAHA
Cutie Child: it really is
Cutie Child:
Cutie Child: but the pancakes are so good uwu
Maknae Line: uwu
Favorite Child: that picture-
Favorite Child: omg
Cutie Child: uwu
Dad: uwu
Problem Child 1: SMOL HANDS
Maknae: HE HAS THE SMOLLEST HANDS
Maknae: IM SO SOFT
Cutie Child: HAHAHAHA
Cutie Child: innie just did that
Cutie Child: “what is dis” “tiny handddd”
Cutie Child: lix looks playfully mad
Cutie Child: this is: adorable
Cutie Child: their hand size difference is so big!!!
Cutie Child: woojin hyung is just looking at them proudly
Cutie Child: such a dad
Dad: uwu
Dad: okay now everyone back to work
Dad: your theorems won’t prove themselves
Notes:
i cant keep track of this anymore literally
so i realize that i already said their sexualities in the first chapter or second but ignore that okay sexualities are as they are in the last chapter which means woojin: bi, chan: bi, minho: gay, changbin: pan, hyunjin: ace and straight, jisung:pan, felix: pan, seungmin: pan, innie: ace doesn't put a label on anything else, also babyshark sexual lmao
anyways thats it! i probably gave out a bunch of other info in the previous chapters so if theres anything wrong tell me plz? or just like ignore it and...yeah ripanyways stay safe everyone <3 (please comment i beg of you i need comments im lonely and need validation on this piece of shit)
Chapter 15: Kittens and Makeovers Plus Mentions of Chan's Abs
Summary:
Nebelunggie: you’re stuck with us forever
Scottie: and ever
Nebelunggie: and ever
Bombbie: *sigh*
Bombbie: such a shame
Notes:
hello im procrastinating on geometry again how are ya
anyways i wanted to put more sope arc stuff but i ended up not and creating two whole arcs in one chapter this is great. this is absolutely wonderful and not confusing AT ALL. (im so sorry i am such a mess lol)have fun~
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Tuesday, September 5th
Crackhead Family (9) 6:30am
Mom: everyone better be up
Floopy Child: i hate life
Mom: why?
Floopy Child: waking up
Floopy Child: fucking sucks
Dad: language hyunjin
Floopy Child: english
Dad: …
Dad: shuh
Dad: now go get ready
Floopy Child: sir yessir
Floopy Child: *salutes*
Crackhead Family (9) 3:01pm
Problem Child 1: YESSS SCHOOL IS OVER
Problem Child 1: SCREW SCHOOL
Problem Child 1: SCREW GEOMETRY
Cutie Child:...what do you have against geometry wth
Problem Child 1: its useless
Cutie Child: nearly everything taught in school is lmao
Cutie Child: geometry isnt special
Problem Child 1: i mean
Problem Child 1: i hate all of those too so
Cutie Child: *sigh*
Cutie Child: why am i friends with you
Problem Child 1: because you love me
Problem Child 1: love me to bits and piecesss uwuwu
Cutie Child: debatable
Problem Child 1:(*^▽^*)
Cutie Child: >:(
Floopy Child: ayyyy wassup hoes
Cutie Child: lmao woojin hyung’s going to kill you
Dad: someone kill me
Dad: please
Maknae: what happened?
Dad: friends
Wine Aunt: woojin hyung
Wine Aunt: what the fuck
Dad: i knowww
Dad: im so sorry
Dad: did they hurt you?
Wine Aunt: no they didnt ofc they didnt
Wine Aunt: but you need to ditch them hyung
Dad: ik
Dad: im doing it!!
Dad: slowly
Wine Aunt: no what you need to do is you need to walk to to them, swing your ass and kill them goodbye
Dad: …
Dad: idk
Mom: whos ready to die
Mom: im going to kill them
Dad: channie dont!
Dad: you know they don’t like you
Mom: i dont care
Mom: lmao they can do whatever they want
Mom: i do not give a shit whether they approve of me or not
Mom: so tomorrow i am going to walk over there
Mom: plop onto your lap
Mom: and make out with you
Dad: oh my god
Mom: great
Cutie Child: mayhaps chan hyung snapped
Cutie Child: but for real hyung you need to ditch them
Dad: hhhhhhh why is everyone in this chat so nice
Dad: yall shouldnt be taking care of me
Dad: :((
Maknae: shush hyung
Maknae: just because you’re a boomer doesn’t mean that you have to take care of us
Maknae: you can always accept help
Dad: i love you all
Dad: im bringing chicken tomorrow
Dad: to celebrate
Problem Child 2: whats with chicken
Problem Child 2: i heard chicken and children
Cutie Child: that...sounds
Cutie Child: concerning
Problem Child 2: ah
Problem Child 2: yes yes it is rip
Wine Aunt: wait
Wine Aunt: what. About.
Wine Aunt: my dance kittens
Floopy Child: what?
Mom: wait thats so cute
Wine Aunt: shut
Wine Aunt: hyunjn, me and felix go to the same studio as you
Wine Aunt: what are your days?
Floopy Child: omg we do!!!
Floopy Child: hyung thats so cool
Floopy Child: we might have classes togetherrr
Floopy Child: im a level one
Floopy Child: monday wednesday friday
Wine Aunt: ayyyyy
Wine Aunt: wednesday thursday saturday
Wine Aunt: level three
Floopy Child: omg talented
Floopy Child: we’re in different levels
Floopy Child: but we can still see each other on wednesdaysss!!
Favorite Child: hi i heard dance
Favorite Child: which i have today
Favorite Child: in like an hour yeet
Floopy Child: felixxx what days are you?
Favorite Child: tuesday wednesday saturday
Favorite Child: level one
Floopy Child: WE HAVE THE SAME WEDNESDAY CLASS
Favorite Child: EYYYYY
Favorite Child: and we’ll be able to see Minho hyung!!!! On wednesdaysss
Wine Aunt: yep
Floopy Child uwuw yay
Wine Aunt: wonderful wonderful
Lee Minho has created a chat!
Lee Minho has names the chat Minho and his Kittens
Lee Minho has added Hwang Hyunjin and Lee Felix
Lee Minho has renamed Hwang Hyunjin to Nebelunggie
Lee Minho has renamed Lee Felix to Scottie
Lee Minho has renamed himself to Bombbie
Minho and His Kittens (3) 3:05pm
Scottie: im australian tho
Bombbie: ...its cat breeds lmao
Scottie:
Scottie: OH
Scottie: that makes so much more sense
Nebelunggie: what is my name
Bombbie: cat breed!
Bombbie: here ill send pictures
Bombbie:
Bombbie: theres me
Bombbie:
Bombbie: thats hyunjin
Bombbie:
Bombbie: and theres felix!
Scottie: omg this is so cute
Scottie: uwu
Scottie: (‐^▽^‐)
Bombbie: c a t s
Nebelunggie: uwuwuwu
Nebelunggie: we’re your kittens now hyungieeee
Nebelunggie: you’re stuck with us forever
Scottie: and ever
Nebelunggie: and ever
Bombbie: *sigh*
Bombbie: such a shame
Nebelunggie: Felix actually looks like a cat though
Nebelunggie: like
Nebelunggie:
Nebelunggie: look how cute he is!!!
Scottie: >///<
Bombbie: oh yes yes
Bombbie: that was a wonderful picture
Bombbie: i have more pictures of felix as a cat though
Bombbie: blackmail
Scottie: HYUNGGG NO
Nebelunggie: I WANNA SEE
Scottie: noooooo
Bombbie; ;) later
Bombbie: felix go get ready for class smh
Scottie: i have an hour and a half ill be fine
Bombbie: shoo shoo
Scottie: smh fINE IM GOING
Scottie: bye hyunjinnie
Scottie: byee minho hyung
Crackhead Family (9) 3:12pm
Floopy Child: minho really be adopting us
Wine Aunt: of course
Wine Aunt: i need to stake my claim before the boomers get there
Mom: ...what the heck
Dad: does anyone besides channie wanna come and do makeovers with me?
Dad: and well my mom
Dad: she insists
Dad: im so sorry
Wine Aunt: im free
Wine Aunt: we can ditch channie
Wine Aunt: and i wanna meet your mom
Wine Aunt: she sounds cool
Dad: wonderful
Dad: come to my house she’s literally a professional hairdresser smh
Dad has sent an address!
Wine Aunt: coolll
Wine Aunt: you want me to bring anything?
Dad: hmm
Dad: besides your hot self i dont think we’d need anything else ;)
Wine Aunt: oh my
Wine Aunt: i understand completely, hyung
Wine Aunt: no one can resist my charms ;)
Mom: i-
Mom: what-
Mom: i see how it is woojin
Mom: *sigh*
Dad: lmao im jk
Dad: but i want it o be a surprise for you!
Mom: hhhhhhh
Mom: i will prepare for my death then lmao
Problem Child 1: guys i wanna wear a skirt
Problem Child 1: help
Floopy Child: YOU WOULD LOOK SO PRETTY IN A SKIRT JISUNG
Problem Child 1: idkk
Problem Child 1: i have like one
Problem Child 1: but im shy?? Idk
Cutie Child: jisung wear one omg
Cutie Child: if we had felix he could do your makeupppp
Favorite Child: i have been summoned by the makeup
Favorite Child: TOMORROW
Favorite Child: I DONT HAVE TIME TODAY BUT I AM DOING YOUR MAKEUP TOMORROW
Favorite Child: would you be more comfortable if i wore a skirt too?
Favorite Child: or would that be taking your shine away?
Problem Child 1: ...yes please?
Favorite Child: AIGHT
Favorite Child: i need to leave now sadly but ill send you pics to make sure we match!!!
Favorite Child: byebye everyoneeee <3
Problem Child 2: cute
Problem Child 2: SUNG ARE YOU FINALLY GOING TO WEAR A SKIRT
Problem Child 1: yes?
Problem Child 2: i support this
Problem Child 2: heck felix is wearing one too?
Problem Child 2: and makeup
Problem Child 2: damn the entire school will be wild
Mom: oh true
Mom: boys be careful okay?
Problem Child 2: uwu we will
Floopy Child: jisunggggg we should go shopping!
Floopy Child: ILL PAY
Floopy Child: im picking you up if its okay?
Problem Child 1: okayyyy
Problem Child 1: picking me up?
Floopy Child: o wait
Floopy Child: i cant drive lmao
Floopy Child: i have a bike
Problem Child 1: bikes for the win
Problem Child 1: ill just be waiting outside then lmao
Problem Child 1 sent an address!
Cutie Child: waittt i wanna come
Cutie Child: lets meet at jisung’s house
Cutie Child: i need to get crop tops
Mom: oh my goodness
Mom: yall better be wearing smth under those crop tops
Cutie Child: yes ofc
Cutie Child: we arent like you hyung
Mom: what-
Cutie Child: showcase
Mom: HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT
Cutie Child: the entire city knows about it hyung
Cutie Child: you go to the most famous school
Cutie Child: which has the most famous showcase
Cutie Child: which they stream every year
Mom: oh heck
Mom: kill me now
Dad: hi please dont die i enjoyed that goodbye
Mom: huivgvbsjwefg8wehbbc
Mom: im just going to um finish my homework now and write lyrics so i can die
Problem Child 2: WRITE ANOTHER WOW PLEASE
Mom: ABSOLUTELY NOT
Notes:
my chapters are getting shorterrrrr but its okay since im actually updating! chatfics are fun! i dont feel like writing anything else so i wont! woo! i also want to die! woo!
also thank you amy for the cat breeds! i want the maknae line in skirts please someone draw them or put them in skirts ESPECIALLY JISUNG OKAY especially him seungsungjin are cute as heck uwu
stay safe and thank you for reading this even though it is most definately a Mess! <3
Chapter 16: Chan Dies In This One (rip)
Summary:
Wine Aunt: he looks snatched
Mom: he is snatched
Chapter Text
Tuesday September 5th
we be thicc (2) 3:15pm
snacc: innie
snacc: what are we gonna do
snacc: are we staging an intervention or letting them tell us themselves?
snatched: i think we should wait?
snatched: if we pressure them then idk it might not be good??
snatched: like i dont want it to turn out terribly just because they weren’t dating
snacc: aight
snacc: but we’re plotting here?
snatched: always
snacc: wonderful
snacc: i will just say that she looks...much happier now
snatched: he does too
snatched: but now he’s started playing his supposed “victory” song which is ego
snatched: he’s playing ego all day when he gets home ITS ANNOYING
snacc: lmaoooo
snacc: good luck jeongin
snatched: ill try not to die honestly
Crackhead Family (9) 3:31pm
Wine Aunt: im at ur house wooj
Dad: comingggg
Dad: okay!!
Woojin yanked the door open, struggling a bit. “We need to oil the door!” He yelled over his shoulder. Hearing his mom’s confirmations, Woojin opened the door to find Minho. “Hi Minho, come in, come in.”
Minho whistled as he walked in. “Damn, hyung this is huge.” Woojin laughed. “It really is. There’s only three of us now, so it’s a bit empty sometimes.” Minho nodded. “Your brother went to college?” “Yeah. Two years ago. He still visits though, on holidays.” He led Minho to the kitchen, where Jin was wiping the counter. “Hello Minho!” She greeted. Minho bowed. “Hello.”
Woojin snorted, ushering Minho to sit next to him on the counter. Woojin’s legs swung against the seat idly. Minho snorted, bringing his phone up. “Hyung, look here~” Woojin looked up, just as Minho snapped a picture of him.
“What are you doing Minho?” Woojin jumped off the counter and tackled Minho as the younger cackled. “I’m trying to kill Chan, hyung. Duh” “What the heck?”
Crackhead Family (9) 3:36pm
Wine Aunt: chan
Wine Aunt: get ready to die
Mom: WHAT WHY
Problem Child 2: i thought you were producing
Mom: shut up
Wine Aunt: ur bf looks cute as hell
Wine Aunt:
Wine Aunt: such a cutie
Mom: oh heckcgdcslsvycwivy
Mom: thank you im deceased goodbye ill see you in hell
Woojin smacked Minho on the head lightly, reading over his shoulder. “You killed him, Minho, now who am I going to kiss?” Minho made a show of gagging before spinning around so he was in Woojin’s arms. He wiggled his eyebrows teasingly. “You could kiss me, you know.” More eyebrown wiggles for emphasis.
Woojin snorted and pushed him away. “No way, Minho. And besides, I thought you liked Jisung?” Minho shrugged. “It was a joke, hyung, I don’t like you like that, even though I’m sure that if you did kiss me I would enjoy it very much.” Woojin coughed, choking on his tea. “And yeah, I think Jisungie’s cute but that may as well be because he’s a tiny little 13 year old going through puberty.”
Woojin hummed. “That’s true. Very true. Jisung seems to like you though.” Minho shrugged again. “It may as well be him looking up to me because I’m hot and I’m cool and I’m a boomer.” Woojin burst out laughing. “That-that might actually be the truth, goddamn Minho.”
Jin tapped her knuckles on the countertop.
“As much as I would love to hear you both talk about 13 year olds going through puberty, Woojin get your flat ass over here so I can make you hot.”
Minho choked.
“Mom! What the heck?” Jin smirked, gesturing Woojin towards her. He grumbled but jumped on top of the counter anyways. “And I don’t have a flat ass.” Jin smacked him lightly. “You do.” “I do not. And if I do, then I got it from you, Mom. You’re the reason Tae-hyung doesn’t have an ass and you know it.” Jin gasped. “Woojin, honey bear, the love of my life-” “Dad’s the love of your life Mom, wait Minho why are you recording this?”
Minho grinned. “Blackmail, duh.” Jin highfived him over Woojin’s head. “Keep this one, Woojinnie. I like him.” Woojin rolled his eyes. “Of course you would like him.”
“What occasion is this for?” Jin asked, dumping a bag full of hair products on the counter. Woojin straightened a fallen bleach bottle before shrugging. “Does it have to be for something special?” “Are you finally getting rid of those idiot friends of yours?” She asked.
Minho grinned as Woojin’s face soured. “Why are you psychic.” Jin cooed, pinching her son’s cheeks. “I’m your mother, it’s my job to be psychic, darling. Anyways, since you’re ditching them-” “I didn’t even say we were ditching them!” “Since we are ditching them, we should go bold. Make you hot. Like me.” Minho snickered, still recording Woojin’s demise.
“Hyung, I think we should aim to kill Chan hyung. If you manage to make him faint that means you’re hot enough.” Jin gasped, pointing at Minho. “Your mind works in wonderous ways, Lee Minho.” Minho bowed.
Woojin grumbled. “I should never have asked someone to come with me all this is doing is furthering Minho’s blackmail stash.” Minho giggled and blew him a kiss.
Two hours and a bottle of bleach later:
Woojin ran a hand through his hair, awed by how soft it was. Jin stood behind him proudly, running her hand through her son’s hair. “I did a good job, didn’t I?” She said, suddenly taking pictures of him from avery angle.
Minho nodded. “Hyung, you look snatched . Chan’s gonna die~” Woojin huffed. “He isn’t going to die, he’ll just be surprised. Or he might not even be surprised because they all knew I was going to do something with my hair and-” “If he doesn’t at least shut down for thirty seconds you’re breaking up with him.” Jin firmly said.
Woojin choked on air again. “ Mom ” Jin shrugged. “You look wonderful, darling. He should appreciate his boyfriend, don’t you think?”
Minho nods frantically. “Lukcily for you, hyung, Chan is probably going to go into shock or something and gay panic because he’s an idiot like that. You have nothing to worry about.” “I have everything to worry about.” Woojin bemoaned.
Minho shrugged. “Smile.” Woojin flipped him off.
“So. Now, for you, Minho. What color would you like?”
Woojin cackled and brought out his phone to record.
Crackhead Family (9) 5:41pm
Wine Aunt: chans gonna die
Wine Aunt: im here for it
Mom: oh god
Mom: im preparing myself
Wine Aunt: he looks snatched
Mom: he is snatched
Wine Aunt: lmao
Wine Aunt:
Mom: oh
Mom: oh
Mom: oh fuck
Mom: ohmy cheouichndfucking goddfudnksuefgiufjehjeh
Mom: i
Mom: i need some time
Mom: to um
Mom: cry
Mom: and wonder what i did to deserve this angel of a man
Mom: who looks so fucking good with blonde hair like what for why dhwyw c
Mom: woojin i love you bby you look so good and i wanna kiss you whweree are ydoin
Mom: there are tearss tsreaming down my face im supposed to be teaching rosie math and doing
Mom: math
Mom: myself because hechakoeh
Mom: ohnvo
Mom: hi this is rose channie oppa’s curled into a call crying
Mom: he’s shut down
Mom: tell woojin oppa i miss him and that he looks snatched with the blonde hair!
Mom: channie oppa says that he is snatched lmao okay
Dad: hi rosie!!
Dad: ill come by soon enough!
Dad: tell chan to come to my house!!
Mom: okayyy
Dad: alright minho its your turn
Wine Aunt: brb boutta die
Wine Aunt: hopefully my cats still love me after this tragedy
Dad: ur gonna look snatched
Wine Aunt: *even more snatched than usual
Dad: whateverrr
Timeskip brought to you by Chia’s procrastination skillz woo
( that was so cringey i sound like a boring 13 yr old teenage girl who thinks she unique ew)
(r/notlikeothergirls)
Crackhead Family (9) 7:35pm
Dad: whoever thinks lee minho is hot
Dad: prepare yourselves
Problem Child 1: what
Problem Child 1: why
Problem Child 1: also chan hyung literally wrote another wow
Mom: SHUT
Dad: i still need to hear that by the way
Mom: NEVER
Dad: mhm
Dad: anyways
Dad:
Dad: for some reason he decided to pose in front of my dad’s poster thing
Wine Aunt: i look like a penny
Wine Aunt: but at least it’s a hot penny
Problem Child 1: oh wow
Problem Child 1: you look rlly good hyung!!!
Wine Aunt: :)
Wine Aunt: thank you jisungie
Wine Aunt: wait did you buy your skirts yet
Problem Child 1: we did :D
Favorite: AYYYY THATS LEE MINHO
Favorite: MY MOTHER’S FAVORITE CHILD
Favorite: AUNTIE SANA’S TREASURE BABY
Wine Aunt: felix no
Favorite: FELIX YES
Favorite: also sungie ive decided ;)
Problem Child 1: uwu
Wine Aunt: ew woochan are disgusting
Wine Aunt: @Mom @Dad
Wine Aunt: keep your horny asses away from me
Problem Child 1: WHAT
Wine Aunt: they’re making out!
Wine Aunt: it’s a tragedy!
Mom: WE’RE KISSING
Wine Aunt: bitch you better be sure i saw that tongue
Mom: what the heckk
Dad: lmao
Dad: he isnt wrong
Mom: WHAT TEH FUCJKD
Mom: i
Mom: idk life anymore
Favorite: mood
Notes:
okay so we can either have the next chapter be the boys shopping for skirts on bikes and making a complete mess of themselves OR we can continue along with the plot and the next chapter can be woojin ditching his friends!
its yours to choose everyone so plz comment :D
anyways stay safe everyone and happy 4th of July to all my Americans out there!! woo!!SSP:
- cuppa updated today check it out if you wish!!
Chapter 17: Skirt Shopping Seungjin rise
Summary:
Minnie: thank you
Minnie: now get your head out of your phone before i crash into your floopy assJinnie: wait what
Jinnie: asjsdcscniwdgves
Notes:
honestly they barely actually shop for skirts in this lmao i dont know how to write fluff anymore i am in a Sad mood but WHATEVER ITS OKAY ;-; i apologize for low quality content im tire'd.
have fun~
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Tuesday September 5th
- boyos are shopping for skirts yeet
00Line Rise! (4) 3:30pm
Jinnie: han jisung where are you
Jinnie: get your flat ass outside right now
Sungie: excuse you
Sungie: my ass is great
Minnie: im almsot theree
Jinnie: YOU’RE STILL BIKING?
Minnie: ya
Minnie: why?
Sungie: omg seungmin’s a legend
Jinnie: no texting while biking sir
Minnie: im using siri
Minnie: the voice thing
Jinnie: o
Jinnie: okay makes sense
Jinnie: be safe!!
Minnie: will do uwu
Sungie: ope
Lixie: yeeters skeeters
Lixie: woot
Jinnie: hallo felix
Lixie: yo
Minnie: do you not have dance class
Lixie: are you not on a bike
Minnie: touche`
Lixie: :D
Lixie: but yea i do
Lixie: i should probably go woo
Lixie: time to piss off my dance teacher even more by doing fortnite dances for an hour straight
Sungie: taste
Jinnie: taste
Jinnie: oh i found a han jisung
Jinnie: how do i put him back
Minnie: IM ALMOST THERE SIRI MAKE SURE TO MAKE THIS CAPITALIZED FOR EMPHASIS
Minnie: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Jinnie: what the heck??
Sungie: AHHAA I CAN HEAR HIM SCREECHING
Sungie: seungmin what happened i thought you were the calm, silent type
Minnie: i had a lot of pent up frustration
Minnie: i didnt know it would be that loud
Jinnie: your voice is nice
Minnie: thank you
Minnie: now get your head out of your phone before i crash into your floopy ass
Jinnie: wait what
Jinnie: asjsdcscniwdgves
Sungie:
Sungie:
Crackhead Family (9) 3:39pm
Problem Child 1 has renamed the chat to Crackhead Family ™
Crackhead Family ™ (9) 3:39pm
Problem Child 1: so seungmin just crashed into hyunjin
Problem Child 1: and now they’re both sprawled on the ground in front of my house
Problem Child 1: both of their phones are safe which is the good part
Mom: gen z
Problem Child 1: shut up boomer
Mom: this is homophobic
Wine Aunt: your bilingual ass could never
Wine Aunt: *bisexual
Wine Aunt: i meant bisexual
Wine Aunt: but it works anyways
Mom: this is chanphobic
Wine Aunt: christopher
Mom: ahhhhhhhhhsdcgshas
Mom: nOooOOoOOOooOOOooo
Wine Aunt: ew aussies
Floopy Child: AUSSIES
Problem Child 1: aw hell no
Floopy Child: shut up
Cutie Child: my phone isnt cracked
Cutie Child: what a blessing
Floopy Child: WHAT IF MY HEAD WAS CRACKED
Cutie Child: but like...my phone
Mom: gen z pt2
Problem Child 1: shut up boomer pt 2
Mom: this is chanphobic
Mom: go buy skirts or whatever
Wine Aunt: what if we got woojin into a skirt
Dad: pls no
Mom: i would die
Mom: i would ascend to heaven
Mom: or into hell
Wine Aunt: what if we put Chan in a skirt
Dad: ;)
Dad: hell yes
Floopy Child: well this escalated quickly
Jisung drags his own bike out from the bushes, setting it upright. He has a backpack on his back, but it looks odd without anything inside it.
“Are you ready to ride?” Jisung yells, taking a cowboy hat out of his backpack and slamming on his head. Seungmin’s recording him. Did they plan this?
“YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAWWWWWW BABY!” Jisung screams, pedalling off into the distance. Hyunjin squints, shielding his face with a hand. Seungmin groans. “I hope he never says that again otherwise I’ll have to yeet him off a cliff.”
Hyunjin nods.
“Yeet.”
---
Jisung giggles, hiding behind Seungmin as he slides along the aisle towards Hyunjin, who is looking at a shirt.
Jisung is a ninja. He is powerful. He is stealthy. He is Natsu from Fairy Tail.
Whoosh .
He is also a clumsy idiot because he trips over his own feet and crashes into Hyunjin, who screeches demonically as they both fall to the ground. Seungmin is snickering down at them, eyes twinkling in his eyes. “Now who’s on the floor?” Hyunjin pouts, whining. “You already crashed into me once, Seungminnie, why did you have to make this fatass crash into me too?”
Jisung gasps and jumps on Hyunjin a little, making the elder choke. “Jisung!” He hisses, crying to push the squirrel faced boy off him.
“Take it back!” Jisung shrieks, face dangerously close to Hyunjin’s. Hyunjin groans, looking up into Jisung’s eyes. Seungmin falters. “Fine. Your ass isn’t fat, it’s flat, now get off of me.” Jisung tackles him and mercilessly tickles the older boy’s sides. Seungmin laughs loudly before joining in, skimming his hands over Hyunjin’s sides in a way that makes him breathless.
Seungmin, for some reason, feels his heart flip at the sight.
---
“Why are all of these so expensive?” Jisung mutters, holding out a pink skirt in front of him and scrutinising it carefully. Hyunjin shrugs, hands in his pockets. “I don’t know. Buy as many as you want, though. Don’t worry about the price.”
Jisung whips towards Hyunjin, a shocked expression on his face. Hyunjin frowns. The skirts aren’t that expensive. “Hyunjin! You can’t just- buy all of this for me!” Hyunjin shrugs. “Yes I can. Don’t worry, Jisung, my family’s loaded. This won’t do a thing.” Jisung’s eyes bug out of his poor sockets. “What.”
Seungmin comes bounding over, looking like an excitable and holding five shirts, all cropped sweaters. “Which three should I buy?” Hyunjin took the sweaters out of his hands and looked through them. “Why not buy all of them?” He asked. Seungmin gaped. “Do you know how much these cost? I don’t want to spend all my money on these!” Hyunjin frowned. “I’m paying though.”
Seungmin spluttered. “What? No-No you aren’t.” Hyunjin nodded slowly. “Yes I am. I’m paying for everything today.” Jisung frowned. “What?” Hyunjin put the sweaters and the skirts in their bag. “Yeah. Think of it as an early birthday present.” “Our birthdays are like two weeks away, Hyunjin!” Hyunjin shrugged. “It’s fine, you guys. Really. I bought Felix more makeup already.” He lifted a small bag and shook it slightly.
“That-that is not the problem at hand, Hyunjin.” Seungmin said. He had gone over to stand beside Jisung, both of them wearing identical pouts on their faces. Cute. “I don’t see any problems with this, though.” Hyunjin smirks.
“Anyways, feel free to get more stuff!” Hyunjin sayd, waving around his card. Jisung and Seungmin’s eyes follow it. “Hyunjin, you’re going to get robbed one day.” Hyunjin makes a face. “Robbers are gross. I’m not going to get robbed, I take money very seriously.”
Seungmin scoffed. “You’re offering to buy us whatever you want in this entire store. A very expensive store.” Hyunjin grins. “I’m using my money to buy my friends clothes. It’s a very serious reason.” They blush.
“Okay, well, I don’t want anything else, so you can ring...all of that up.” Jisung says, avoiding Hyunjin’s gaze. Hyunjin rolls his eyes and hands the bag to Seungmin, who clutches it to his chest protectively. Hyunjin walks along the aisles, occasionally picking up a few items of clothing. Eventually he seems satisfied enough, and dumps the extra clothes he bought into the bag.
Hyunjin turns on his heel gracefully (you can tell he’s a dancer) and glides over to the counter as Seungmin and Jisung squeak and trail after him. Hyunjin smiles charmingly at the worker there, making small talk as he pays for their clothing.
“Hello Mr.Hyunjin!” The lady greets. She seems homely, with a round face and rounder cheeks. (She reminds Jisung of Ururaka but he isn’t going to tell anyone that.) “Hi Jihyo noona!” Hyunjin smiles, pushing the bag towards her. “How are you?” Jihyo asks, sliding all the items out of the bag to scan them. Hyunjin shrugs. “I’m alright. All of this is for two of my friend’s birthdays, so that’s good! I have friends now, noona, can you believe it?” He laughs.
Jihyo rolls her eyes, patting him on the head and ruffling his hair. “That’s wonderful, Hyunjinnie.” She smiles warmly at Jisung and Seungmin, who are hiding behind Hyunjin. This is unfamiliar territory. Rich People Land. It’s scary. Hyunjin is tall. He is broad. He is...tree.
“I’m assuming you two are the birthday boys?” They nod. Jihyo seems nice. She probably is nice. “Well, I know you don’t need it Hyunjin, but I’ll give a discount. Those two look like they’re going to faint from all of the money in here.” She snorts.
Hyunjin rolls his eyes, wrapping an arm around both Seungmin and Jisung, pulling them into his sides. “They’ve never been here before.” Jihyo nods. “Not many people have, Hyujin. Remember that.” That must be why the store seems to be fairly empty. And why no one has asked them why they, three teenage males, are buying skirts. Pink, plaid skirts. And crop tops. From the women’s section. (They always have the softest clothes, Seungmin is jealous .)
(It’s never occured to Seungmin that buying from the women’s section is bad. His parents never cared, always encouraging him to do what he loves. And wear what he loves. Seungmin has grown up wearing soft sweaters and soft jeans. He’s worn countless skirts and dresses, his mother’s desire to have a girl not gone unnoticed. He knows everything about braids and how to make fashionable knots so that your shirt is tighter. He knows how to sew.
It never occurred to him that he shouldn’t . In seventh grade he realized that he was different. He stopped wearing skirts. In eighth grade he felt lonely. In eight grade he learned how to not care . On the last day of eight grade he went to school in full makeup, hair braided (as well as he could, given the length of it), pink skirt swishing around his waist.
The girls never cared. They welcomed him, asked him to braid their hair, to paint their nails, to give them make up tips. He stopped trying to fit in as a normal boy in eighth grade.
Now, in high school, Seungmin still feels a pang of uneasiness whenever he goes shopping, when his eyes inevitably stray over to the women’s section, the high rise jeans and the make up and the sweaters catching his eye. The silk dresses, the short skirts. He wanted all of that.
Here, with Hyunjin and Jisung here with him, he feels safe.)
---
They end up making it back to Jisung’s house at 5. Jisung’s bag doesn’t look empty anymore, now that it actually has clothes in it.
Jisung smiles his heart shaped smile and waves at them, leaning his bike carefully against the wall and disappearing inside.
Hyunjin and Seungmin are left alone in the middle of the street. The sun isn’t setting, so he can’t use the excuse “oh-it’s-golden-hour-that’s-why-he-looks-so-pretty”. Seungmin doesn’t think it’s fair to be that pretty. Pretty people should be arrested.
“Then that means that you’d be in jail first.” Hyunjin says.
Seungmin’s eyes widen. Did he say that out loud?
Hyunjin smiles warmly at him. The sun still isn’t setting. It’s at a terrible angle really, but somehow, Hyunjin still looks like a model. At fourteen years old .
“After all, Seungmin, I doubt anyone will be able to survive seeing angels like you.” There’s a weird pause after his statement, in which both Hyunjin and Seungmin are frozen. It’s nothing like the shows he’s watched or the books he’s read.
Hyunjin waves him goodbye awkwardly and pedals off into the distance. Seungmin thinks that he can see him nearly fall off his bike, but that may as well be Seungmin’s imagination.
Underworld Much? (2) 5:15pm
Satan (seungmin): jeongin
Satan: what does it mean when someone calls you an angel
Satan: and then drives off into the distance furiously
Satan: looking terribly beautiful
Satan: did you know im gay
Baby (jeongin): yes i did know that you’re gay hyung
Baby: also my username doesnt even match the name of the chat wth
Baby has changed his name to Demon
Demon: better
Demon: it means that they are interested in you
Demon: is it hyunjin hyung
Satan: …
Satan: how did you know?
Demon: hyung
Demon: you went shopping with hyunjin and jisung hyungs
Demon: do you really think jisung hyung would say smth like that?
Demon: to you especially?
Satan: what does that mean???
Demon: it means that he’s kinda attracted to someone else and it isnt you lmao
Satan: oh
Satan: i see
Satan: help what do i do im kinda really gay
Satan: why is he so pretty innie????
Demon: because he won the genetic lottery
Satan: he did
Satan: yes
Demon: you need to be less emotionally constipated
Satan: how does one do that
Demon: by talking to him
Demon: become better friends with him hyung
Demon: it can be a friends to lovers au
Satan: what the heck???
Demon: nothing
Satan: do we need to have another fourth wall funeral cause honestly….
Demon: *sigh*
Demon: we shall see in the future
Satan: cool
Hwang Hyunjin has made a chat!
Hwang Hyunjin has named the chat the wild wild wilderness
Hwang Hyunjin has added Bang Chan and Kim Woojin
Hwang Hyunjin has renamed himself to llama
Hwang Hyunjin has rename Bang Chan to kangaroo
Hwang Hyunjin has renamed Kim Woojin to bear
the wild wild wilderness (3) 5:19pm
llama: i
llama: have a dilemma
bear: did you call seungmin an angel and then pedal away
llama: yes
llama: how did you know
bear: i just did
bear: don’t question it
chan sucks (2) 5:21pm
boyfriend (woojin): thank you innie
boyfriend: i owe you...so much
son (jeongin): yes you do hyung
son: you are very welcome
son: i expect lots of cuddles and chicken
boyfriend: of course
the wild wild wilderness (3) 5:22pm
llama: its just like
llama: im straight
llama: for the romantic thing anyways
llama: so idk
llama: idk if i like him or if hes just rlly cute and ilke him but hes so sweet and idek know him that well
llama: :((
kangaroo: awww
kangaroo: its okay hyunjin!
kangaroo: and if you are biromantic or panromantic or anything we’ll still accept you!
kangaroo: okay??
kangaroo: so just take your time to sort through your feelings
bear: yes what he said
bear: take some time
bear: hug someone
bear: hug a tree
llama: i am a tree
bear: hug yourself hyunjin
bear: you’re valid either way
llama: :(( okayy
llama: but like
llama: what if he thinks im weird?
Underworld Much? (2) 5:23pm
Satan: just….hes heteroromantic
Satan: what if he thinks im weird?
Satan: what if he hates me???
Demon: he wont hate you hyung
Demon: and he might even be bi or pan or idk
Demon: theres always a chance
Satan: WHAT IF HE HATES ME???
the wild wild wilderness(3) 5:24pm
llama: okay but
llama: WHAT IF HE HATES ME????
chan sucks (2) 5:25pm
boyfriend: oh my god
son: oh my god
boyfriend: *sigh*
son: *sigh*
Crackhead Family ™ (9) 5:25pm
Maknae: someone help us we are a mess
Dad: *sigh*
Cutie Child: INNIE
Floopy Child: WOOJIN HYUNG
Cutie Child: ….
Floopy Child: hi angel
Cutie Child: omg its happened heck heck heck
Cutie Child: haha
Cutie Child: hi uwu
Cutie Child: ur kind pretty yy
Floopy Child: O_o uwu
Favorite Child: gday mates
Favorite Child: today we have: seungjin in their natural habitat
Favorite Child: they are experienceing the
Favorite Child: the flirtation temption
Favorite Child: stay tuned for more on Crackhead Family™
Notes:
yeet
seungjin rise
im tired. math has made my brain frazzled honestly geometry sucks so much. also this is probably not a Correct high school experience but it will get more accurate once i actually manage to..get to high school lmao but ye. tis not accurate. ALSO WHY IS HIS 30k ALREADY ITS ONLY BEEN LIKE A WEEK IN THE ACTUAL FIC TF (btw im going to try to continue this throughout my hell days (which means hs yay fun) so uh stay tuned for at least four more years? lmao) but yeah lol
if anyone hates math like i do please comment. and plot ideas. i have the next couple arcs planned out vaguely but i could always use more yanno :D
OH MY GOD I CANT BELIEVE I FORGOT BUT THANK YOU FOR 2K HITS AND 100+ KUDOS I LOVE YOU ALL EVEN IF MOST OF YOU DONT COMMENT BUT ITS OKAY
aLSO ARA MADE AN AO3 account she's part of the cult now (check my bio for the full deets) @joonhearted HI ARA IF YOU READ THIS I LOVE YOUstay safe everyone <3
ALSO COMMENT THE ONLY REASON I EVEN POST BEFORE I SLEEP IS SO THAT I CAN WAKE UP TO COMMENTS EVEN IF THEY SAY "hi im bob ur dumb" or "yellow yellow" OR ANythinG PLS COMMENT IM LONELY AND SAD AND GAY AND DEPRESSED *screams*
*ahem* but ye
Chapter 18: l8r h8rs
Summary:
Dad: i was told to look extra snatched so
Mom: no one told you that
Dad: shush
Mom: :((
Wine Aunt: tea 🍵
Notes:
ASDFGHJHHFGJHDKJF IM SO SORRY FOR DISAPPEARING ON YOU GUYS ITS BEEN MORE THAN TEN DAYS I THOUGHT IT HAD ONLY BEEN THREE IM SORRY ;-;
but anyways someone get's pretty touchy feely with Woojin without his permission. It's not really important so you can skip it if you wish! The scene starts from: "Woojin can feel Mingyu’s eyes on him, raking over his body hungrily. He’s tired of it" and ends with: "Woojin, in all honesty, has had quite enough."
i'll put a // in front of the sentence and // after its over just in case :D stay safe everyonealso the chapter title makes me so mAD EUGHH
have fun~
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Wednesday, September 5th
Crackhead Family ™ (9) 6:30am
Mom: things to call your boyfriend:
Mom: sugar
Mom: honey
Mom: flour
Mom: egg
Mom: salt
Mom: 1tbs of butter
Wine Aunt: stir thoroughly
Wine Aunt: pour into baking pan
Mom: we forgot to preheat the oven
Wine Aunt: we dont need to do anything im hot enough ;)
Dad: Episode 5 of Crackhead Family...my boyfriend cheats on me with the Wine Aunt
Dad: i’m calling a divorce
Dad: kim woojin is now a single man
Mom: noooo
Dad: *sigh*
Wine Aunt: okay shut up and stop flirting you two
Wine Aunt: (but woojin you can always hmu)
Mom: ;-;
Favorite Child: JISUNGIE SEUNGMINNIEEEEEEEEE
Favorite Child: GET OVER HERE SO I CAN DO YOUR mAKEUP AND PUT YOU BOTH IN PRETTY SKIRTS
Favorite Child: IM ALREADY DONE OMG IDC HOW YOU LOOK GET THE HELL OVER HERE
Favorite Child sent an address!
Problem Child 1: what
Problem Child 1: OH THAT OH YEAH OKAY IM COMING
Problem Child 1: coming by bike again
Problem Child 2: will you be able to get there in time with your skinny legs tho?
Problem Child 1: LEAVE MY LEGS ALONE ASSHOLE
Problem Child 2: never
Problem Child 1: heart 💔 been broke 📉 so many times ⏰ i don’t know 🤔 what to believe 💯 mama 👩❤️💋👩 said 🗣 it’s my fault 😢 it’s my fault 🤦🏻♀️i wear my heart ❤️ on my sleeve 💪 i think it’s best 👍🏻 I put my heart ❤️ on ice 🧊
Problem Child 2: PLS NO MY EYES
Cutie Child: oh!! im coming!
Cutie Child: ( ̄︶ ̄)↗
Cutie Child: uwu
Floopy Child: !!! omg kaomojis!
Cutie Child: ya apparantly windows has a bunch of them
Cutie Child: you have to press the windows button and the period button and there's a whole ass list its beautiful i spent too many of my years not knowing this
Cutie Child: i was yesterday years old when i found out lol
Floopy Child: uwu cuteee
Floopy Child: i didnt know that lmao
Floopy Child: suddenly i respect windows that much more :D
Cutie Child: hhhh >///<
Cutie Child: i dont use them a lot tho since it takes a bit long to find but still!! cute uwu
Floopy Child: very cute
Favorite Child: STOP FLIRTING AND GET YOUR FLAT ASSES OVER HERE NOW
Floopy Child: says the one with a flat ass
Favorite Child: HEY
Favorite Child: this is bullying :(((
Favorite Child: :(( pizza hyungieeeeeee
Favorite Child:
Floopy Child:
Cutie Child:
Favorite Child: hmm
Favorite Child: *ahem*
Favorite Child: PIZZA HYUNG
Favorite Child: @seo changbin
Problem Child 2: why did someone @ me
Problem Child 2: oh its you felix
Problem Child 2: what did you need?
Help (2) 6:36am
Minho: whipped
Changbin: shut your mouth
Minho: ;)
Crackhead Family ™ (9) 6:36pm
Favorite Child: hyunjinnie’s bullying me :(
Problem Child 2: hyunjin don’t bully felix even if his ass is flatter than a pancake, you have no room to talk
Favorite Child: HEY
Favorite Child: :((
Cutie Child: yall hear smth?
Favorite Child: ~( TロT)σ
Floopy Child: (yes pri i stole this from you it took me ages to find you meanie)
Cutie Child: suddenly my respect for you has gone up 110%
Floopy Child: o(* ̄▽ ̄*)ブ
Cutie Child: \( ̄︶ ̄*\)
Favorite Child: (*  ̄3)(ε ̄ *)
Floopy Child: FELIX
Cutie Child: FELIX
Favorite Child: ;) dont think i dont knowww
Floopy Child: WAIT WHAT YOU KNOW
Cutie Child: WHATY JHDF
Floopy Child: angel you good?
Cutie Child: HWANT SGHEGDHJ
Favorite Child: i dont know anything but i see theres smth to know!!
Favorite Child: wonderful!
Favorite Child: now get over here or else
Cutie Child: sdfghjkkhgfsghdhgdsfkwefrfcdhmsdgdgjcdwteituhxkcncbchfhfuudedfghjfuckfucsjfjfuccckk
Dad: language
Cutie Child: im on my way
Dad: oh yes im supposed to be dressing nicely for today
Dad: *sigh*
Mom: 0_0
Mom: thats right you are
Dad: thats creepy
Mom: :((
Wine Aunt: <33
Dad: <33
Mom: ……
Wine Aunt: :((
Mom: *sigh*
Mom: <33
Wine Aunt: !!!
Wine Aunt: <33
Wine AUnt: :D
Just a Nice Guy With a Lotta Money (2) 6:40am
Nice Guy: shit hes cute
A Lotta Money: shit hes cute
Nice Guy:....
A Lotta Money: ...good to know we’re on the same page then ;)
Nice Guy: heh
Help (2) 6:40am
Minho: i dont like them
Minho: i dont
Minho: i like jisung
Changbin: you dont like jisung
Minho: i dont like jisung
Minho: i dont like anyone
Minho: yes.
Minho: i dont like anyone
Changbin: you like them
Minho: i can’t like them, theyre in a relationship
Changbin: you have the beginnings of a crush on them
Minho: i just think theyre all cute
Minho: i think jisung's cute too
Changbin: you think all three are cute?
Minho: yes
Minho: i dont know what to do with myself I DONT LIKE ANY OF THEM I WILL LOVE MY CATS AND ONLY MY CATS
Changbin: sure jan
Crackhead Family ™ (9) 6:50am
Floopy Child: okayy im here!!
Cutie Child: coming in about a minute
Floopy Child: are you using siri again?
Cutie Child: duh
Floopy Child: be safe angel
Cutie Child: oh my god what the fuckj he cant do that he cant do that no he cant its nOt good
Cutie CHild: NOT GOOD AT AL AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Cutie Child: wait siri
Cutie Child: NO SIRI DONT SEND THAT
Cutie Child: BAD SIRI BAD SIRI
Floopy Child: 0_0
Cutie Child: im so sorry
Floopy Child: dont be sorry!!
Floopy Child: heh
Wine Aunt:
Dad: WHY DO YOU HAVE MEMES OF ME
Wine Aunt: ;)
Wine Aunt: for Purposes
Problem Child 1: owo?
Mom: oh my god
Mom: saved
Dad: chan!!
Mom: :D
Mom: i have boyfriend rights you can't do anything about this
Dad: i hate you
Cutie Child: okay im here now get your floopy ass out of your phone before i slam into you again i don't feel like running you over today okay
Problem Child 1: dejavu…
Favorite Child 1: - Dreamcatcher (and Nu’est W)
Favorite Child: dw no one hurt themselves this time
Favorite Child: sadly
Cutie Child: sadly.
Favorite Child: such a pity :D
Cutie Child: *sigh*
Favorite Child: OKAY PEOPLE LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Dad: i was told to look extra snatched so
Mom: no one told you that
Dad: shush
Mom: :((
Wine Aunt: tea 🍵
Dad: anyways
Dad:
Dad: yeah is that okay?
Wine Aunt: o_O
Wine Aunt: damn hyung you look snatched
Mom: oh my god
Mom: how is that mine
Dad: because of a miracle
Mom: heh
Mom: you really aren’t wrong…
Dad: ?
Mom: nothing
Mom: but you look really really really really really good woojinnie uwu
Dad: :D
Maknae: hello everyone
Maknae:
Maknae: if that isn’t the most woochan image ive seen then idk what is
Maknae:
Maknae: and this is the hyung line
Maknae: channie hyung, woojin hyung, minho hyung :D
Wine Aunt: oh my
Mom: 0_0
Dad: awwwwww~
Dad: cUt e
Mom: :D
Dad: okay bye everyone i have to go practice being confident
Wine Aunt: mood
Just a Nice Guy With A Lotta Money Woo! (2) 7:00am
Nice Guy: hey
Nice Guy: woojin
Lotta Money: yeah?
Nice Guy: you’re okay right?
Nice Guy: with doing this?
Nice Guy: it just never occured that i never actually asked you lmao
Lotta Money: ….
Lotta Money: god you’re amazing
Nice Guy: what
Lotta Money: nothing nothing
Lotta Money: but to answer your question, yes
Lotta Money: yeah i want this
Lotta Money: itll be better for everyone
Nice Guy: you’re okay with like telling everyone we’re dating?
Lotta Money: ofc i am
Lotta Money: im not going to pass up the chance to show you off, baby
Nice Guy: >////<
Lotta Money: its true
Lotta Money: you know your username reminds me of r/niceguy
Nice Guy: no
Nice Guy: noooooooooo
Nice Guy: ;-;
Lotta Money: its okay you can be my r/niceguy
Nice Guy: hhhhhhhhhh
Nice Guy: oKaY
Lotta Money: pls that looks cursed
----
Woojin straightens out the top of his shirt around his shoulder, fidgeting uncomfortably. He’s never done something like this before, never even tried to get away from this group. In all honesty, he doesn’t know whether it’s going to work or not, whether they’ll let him go.
He still doesn’t know why they want him. Woojin’s been friends with them since middle school. It had started with BamBam (as most things do). Woojin had just recently moved to the city, friendless and shy and in desperate need of attention. (Sue him, he wanted hugs). On the first day of 5th grade, BamBam had zoomed over (? he still doesn’t know how that happened) and dragged him over to his group of friends. (Throughout his years of knowing BamBam, Woojin has come to realize that you don't question him. Don't question him one single bit. You will lose brain cells you never even knew you had.) (If that isn't talent, then Woojin doesn't know what is.)
And just like that, Woojin made 5 new friends in the span of a minute. It was one of his more notable achievements (the one’s he could remember, obviously), being adopted by an extrovert on the first day of school.
In the new group, Woojin didn’t feel uncomfortable , per say, but there was always an underlying doubt with them. Feelings , you could say. 5th grade Woojin brushed this off easily, far too excited with the prospect of friends to pay attention to his suspicions.
It was fine in fifth grade. Nothing really happened. Nothing could have happened, they were in fifth grade, for heaven’s sake, what could a bunch of 10 year olds really do? (They could do a lot, if they had enough people, but for some reason no one cared to talk to Woojin once he was adopted into the group.)
Woojin didn’t find it odd when Miyeon would giggle and wrap her arms around him, proclaiming that he was their so called "missing piece". He brushed it off to reading too many romance mangas. He didn’t find the few stares he got when he was with them odd. Woojin had spent a large amount of his life being ignored or stared at, he would take any sort of affection and friendship he would get.
Again, nothing happened in fifth grade. They studied together, played together, made fun of Jaehyun together. They were a group.
In sixth grade they entered middle school. It wasn’t that bad then either. Middle school was a huge step from elementary, what with the six periods and changing for PE, and lockers and there were so many teachers now! Woojin spent a lot of middle school getting used to middle school.
He’s never adapted to change easily. He hadn’t adapted to the group easily either, taking a few months to get used to the five other people.
He never had a “best friend” in the group. Miyeon and Dami had each other of course, as well as Mingyu and Jaehyun. Bambam was more of a free spirit, spending time with their group and another group (but it was mainly with a guy named Chris). It was just weird . Something wasn’t right.
He realized something was off about them in 7th. It was proper middle school now, the classes were harder, the teachers shittier, the pacers pacier. (Fuck the Pacer test).
They were making him do things. It wasn’t anything serious at that time, the average “Hey, Woojin, do you think you could get us a snack from the snack line? Thanks!” and the “Hey Woojin, could you drop off my books for me, pretty please? Thank you!” Woojin properly began his studies then, hiding out in the library most of lunch, head between the pages of notes.
The librarian never liked him for some reason. (Woojin can’t blame her). They never sought him out, but passed by the library door often, just so that Woojin would know they were there. He never really realized what they were doing to him, always too caught up in his own visions of what they were inside his head.
In 8th, Woojin realized he was screwed. Totally and utterly screwed. In ninth he realized he wouldn’t be able to escape them. In ninth he realized that he should control his feelings better. In 10th he resigned himself to his fate. He gets over his feelings. In 11th he spent the entire year sitting next to them and studying. In 12th he would break out.
What he’s found the weirdest and the most suspicious is the day of his 17th birthday. He can only remember the morning of that day, until school. He doesn’t know anything after school went out. Their family doesn’t do anything the day of birthdays, unless it’s on a weekend. Woojin’s 17th birthday was not on a weekend. They probably didn’t do anything in the evening after school. It still doesn’t explain why he can’t remember a single thing of that day.
Woojin shakes himself out of his reverie. It isn’t going to do him any good to think about it again, not when he’s thought about it too many times to count.
Woojin pockets his phone and heads over to the usual table, where the rest of them are waiting. Woojin’s tired. He’s really, really, really tired. Woojin shoots all of them a smile and sits down. Woojin can feel Mingyu’s eyes on him, raking over his body hungrily. He’s tired of it. // “You look different today.” Mingyu’s closer to him now, much, much closer. Woojin hates it.
He tenses, smiling warily at him. “Yes. I’m wearing different clothes.”
“Why?”
Because he has to fucking change , that’s why. “Because I wanted to.” “Hmm, yes.”
Woojin can feel fingers stroking over his thighs. It’s barely there, butterfly touches over the denim of his jeans, but he can feel it nonetheless.
“You dyed your hair.”
“Yes. Yes I did. I wanted to, got bored of the black.” Woojin can feel Mingyu wrap an arm around his waist, breath hitting the side of Woojin’s neck. Woojin closes his eyes and tries to calm down. This has never happened before, not to this extent so quickly . It must be the hair and the shirt. Shit.
“You look beautiful.”
Woojin gives him a strained smile, trying to move backwards. The arm around his waist doesn’t let him, tugging him even closer to the other, so that their faces are inches apart.
Mingyu smiles cruelly at him, fingers running along Woojin’s jawline and pulling him closer. Woojin scowls and wrenches back, glaring.
“Stop that Mingyu.”
He can feel everyone else’s stares trained on him. They’ve never offered to do anything, nothing to help him. Woojin hates his past self for even considering to be with these assholes. Mingyu tugs Woojin forcefully into his lap, turning the smaller so that Woojin is facing him. Woojin fights him, pushing back, but his back only touches the table. Where the hell is Chan?
Woojin suddenly regrets everything, regrets dressing up, regrets dying his hair, regrets doing this entire thing in the first place.
“I have a boyfriend , Mingyu, stop this!” Woojin growls, pushing back.
Mingyu scoffs. “Who would date you, Woojin?” He smiles, tapping Woojn’s cheek. “No one’s going to want to even look at you.”
Woojin, in all honesty, has had quite enough. //He pushes Mingyu off of him so that the other lands on the ground in a heap. Minhyu groans, rubbing his head and glaring up at Woojin from where he towers over him. Woojin can feel a presence wrap an arm around his waist, pulling him close.
This figure Woojin appreciates, smirking as he leans against Chan, leaning his head on his shoulder.
Chan smiles brightly at him, but Woojin knows that there isn’t a hint of kindness in those eyes. “Hello, Mingyu. I don’t suppose you would mind if I take Woojin away?” Mingyu scoffs. “Seriously? You’re dating Bang Chan , Woojin?” Woojin rolls his eyes.
“Is it not obvious yet, Mingyu? Do you really think I’m letting a complete stranger wrap his arm around my waist? Is that what this is? Has your tiny brain finally malfunctioned or do you just refuse to see what’s clearly in front of you?” Woojin laughs, eyes darkening. He's slightly scared. He hasn't ever spoken up against Mingyu properly, without fear of consequences.
He removes himself from Chan’s grasp, kneeling down to look Mingyu in the eyes. “You won’t touch me again, you will not speak to me again, you will not have anything to do with me every again, do you understand me? I have had enough of all of your bullshit. That goes for all of you.” He adds, shooting a look over his shoulder. The girls look amused. Jaehyun looks a mix between shocked and neutral- as if he can’t decide whether to give in to his emotions or not.
Chan pulls Woojin up and kisses him full on the mouth, hands placed protectively on Woojin’s waist. Woojin smiles into the kiss and weaves his hands into Chan’s blonde hair, tugging him impossibly closer, so that all of him is pressed against his boyfriend.
Woojin can feel the shocked stares of everyone around them, but he could not possibly care any less. It’s at this point that he realizes that he has no more fucks to give and that no one, no one can take this euphoric feeling away from him.
Chan pulls back, leading him away from the table. Woojin doesn’t look back.
Woojin is not surprised in the very least to find that Jisung had recorded the entire scene and is sending it to every single person he knows. (It's not a large number of people, but it's large enough so that Woojin knows his mother will be proud. His father will probably be horrified at first, but then again..fathers.)
Notes:
i have lost all self control.
from now on, some of the ships will change and other people will date each other. the end game ships are the tags :D what i can tell you for sure is that changlix and seungjin will always be changlix and seungjin. honestly it was smart of me to make jeonglix as brothers so i wouldn't accidently make them date each other haha and i could never make seungjin date anyone else im not doing that to poor pri and jem (and to myself). :D but yes absolutely zero self control! expect nothing!
and im writing this mainly for myself so yeah..everything will be topsy turvy idk what the ending is going to be (I have a vague idea of the ending for this fic but for the entire universe? nope not at all heh) but lmao yeah don't expect the ships to be easy uwu :D but ye hhhh hope thats okay if its not then that sure does suck! okay but i am going to try very hard not to put some kind of actual plot with violence and government businesses and whatnot (trying very, very hard but im me and if you know me you know that there's going to be some darkish stuff going on rip) also this is going to be so long pls expect at least 100k the maknae line has to go through four years of high school rip
i would like to say that finding the memes was HELL i had to go through all of pri's tumblr because i needed her meme and i had to go scour through jem's comments to find amy's wretched thing because we all know that amy gets clowned the most in jem's fics. *sigh* what all work i have to do.
also i'm aware im not that funny hhhh most of my humor comes from references, and self deprecation uwu so for whoever has gone through my trashy attempts at humor, thank you! thank you very much!! i appreciate you all a lot uwu <33ALSO I NEED SOMEONE FOR INNIE TO DATE, EVEN IF ITS FOR A SHORT WHILE i can't remember if i added yedam yet i hope i didnt if i did ill cry but yes give me your suggestions (It can be anyone, really, like jisung from dream or beomgyu from txt) but ye!! i dont wanna leave bby alone all the time :((
(next will be the boys + skirts uwu)
Chapter 19: buns (special chapter number uno)
Summary:
Dad: this is hurting my eyes
Wine Aunt: don’t be a sourdough
Notes:
i was just bored okay also thANK YOU FOR 2.5k hits and over 100 kudos! i love you all uwu
have fun~
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
___ __ _____
Crackhead Family(9):
Mom: woojin
Mom: you’re the loaf of my life
Dad: what
Mom: the yeast i could do is love you
Dad: what
Wine Aunt: i think he was trying to get a rise out of you hyung
Cutie Child: minho hyung you’re my roll model
Wine Aunt: seungmin’s a purebread puppy
Favorite Child: jisung, my wife
Problem Child 1: yes, felix my beloved wife?
Favorite Child: you’re my butter half
Problem Child 1: felix…
Favorite: jisung…
Floopy Child: *wedding bells ring in the background*
Problem Child 2: bro…
Favorite Child: bro…
Dad: this is hurting my eyes
Wine Aunt: don’t be a sourdough
Dad: …
Dad: *sigh*
Maknae: the four horsemen of bread are:
Favorite Child: toast malone
Floopy Child: bred sheeran
Cutie Child: vladmir gluten
Problem Child 2: and elon crust
Maknae: crusty dusty musty
Dad: bready to die
Favorite Child: the dust bunnies under my bed
Favorite Child: i feed them crumbs
Favorite Child: b r e a d crumbs
Dad: holy heck
Mom: *holy bread
Dad: *holy chicken
Mom: *holy mother of rolls
Wine Aunt: changBUN
Problem Child 2: wiat what no
Favorite Child: CHANGBUN
Favorite Child: HIS ASS HIS FAT AND ITS THICC AND IT RISES ITS THE CHANGBUN
Problem Child 1: CHANGBIN!
Problem Child 1: thE BUNNIEST OF ALL BUNS
Cutie Child: CHANGBUN
Cutie Child: bun bun bun fun in the breaded sun
Floopy Child: CHANGBUN
Floopy Child: THE BUTTER OF ALL BUNS
Problem Child 2: what the heck
FLoopy Child: RYES AND SHINEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE- Kylie Jenner
Cutie Child: iS tHAt a cHicKen?
Problem Child 1: IT WAS ACTUALLY A PABBIT
Problem Child 1: OH MY GOD
Problem Child 1: CHANGBIN IS PART OF THE KARDASHIAN JENNER FAMILY
Maknae: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhh
Problem Child 2: WHAT NO
Favorite Child: its okay pizza hyung its okAY
Favrorite Child: DID YOU GET SOME MONEY THO
Problem Child 2: NO???
Favorite Child: PREPARE FOR DEATH HOE
Problem Child 2: WHAT/????
Favorite Child: YES
Maknae: PUT HIM IN THE OVEN
Cutie Child: COOK HIM TILL HES BURNT AND TOASTY
Floopy Child: TOASTY liKE HIS ASS
Problem Child 2: HELP ME???
Wine Aunt: no no im screenshotting thsi entire thing and putting it in my blackmail folder
Problem Child 2: YOU HAVE A BLACKMAIL FOLDER?????
Wine Aunt: yes ofc
Wine Aunt: rn its filled with felix and chan but soon it will be filled with all of you
Problem Child 2: WHAT NHjsd
Problem Child 1: get yourself an organized man
Problem Child 2: BITCH ITS BLACKMAIL
Floopy Child: a ToAsT tO bUtTeR dAyS
Cutie Child: getting the butter now
Cutie Child: IM GOING TO BUY THE ENTIRE FUCKING STORE OF BUTTER
Favorite Child: THERES A BuTTER STORE?????
Floopy Child: THERES A BUTTER STORE?????
Maknae: OMG BUTTER STORE
Problem Child 1: BUTTERFLY STORE?????
Maknae: one time beomgyu told me that his yeonjun hyung went to the front of class and asked if anyone wanted to see a butterfly and then he yeeted a stick of butter at the teacher’s face
Maknae: he got detention for a week but the teacher was laughing
Problem Child 2: yeonjun is a trendsetter.
Maknae: one time my dad was boiling water and he said “rip boiled water you will be mist” and then cackled really really loudly
Problem Child 1: p u n s
Favorite Child: *buns
Favorite Child: *changbuns ;)
Notes:
changbun
(next chapter will be the bois in skirts as i had planned!)
drop a comment, they make my day !
Chapter 20: chammak challo (special chappie number dos)
Summary:
Cutie Child: yoU CAN BE MY CHAMMAK CHALLLOOOOOOOOO
FLoopy Child: gLADLY
Cutie Child: >////<
Notes:
i have a list of excuses for being gone for a month, which you shall see at the end notes lol
ANYWAYS THIS ISNT EVEN PLOT THIS IS ME VIBING TO CHAMMAK CHALLO
(pls listen to the song it is SUCH a bop and shahrukh khan t-poses in the music video slightly )also heck you romanization
have fun~
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Crackhead Family (9):
Cutie Child: how do yall feel about bollywood?
Dad: bollywood bollywood very very jollywood
Dad: bop.
Cutie Child: vALID
Dad: :3
Floopy Child: ay
Floopy Child: ay
Favorite Child: ayyy
Floopy Child: GIRL UR MY CHAMMAK CHALLO
Cutie Child: WHERE YOU GO GIRL IMMA FOLLOW
Floopy Child: OH OH OHHHHHH
Maknae: YOU CAN BE MY CHAMMAK CHALLOOOO
Floopy Child: SHAWTY IM GONNA GETCHA
Mom: YOU KNOW IM GONNA GETCHA
Problem Child 2: YOU KNOW ILL EVEN LET YOU BE MY
Problem Child 1: LETCHU BE MY CHAMMAK CHALLO
Problem Child 1: AND NOW FOR THE SEUNGJIN
Floopy Child: *swoops in*
Wine Aunt: *floops in
Floopy Child: -_-
Floopy Child: anyways
Floopy Child: KAISA SHARMANA AAJA NACH KE DIKHAA DEEEE
(A/N: literally fuck you too, romanization)
(AZ lyrics thank you i do NOT know romanization because it is the devil)
Cutie Child: AA MERI HOLEY AAJA PARDA GIRA DE
Floopy Child: AA MERI AKHIYON SE AKHIYA MILA LEA
Cutie Child: AA TY NA NAHKRE DIKHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Problem Child 1: AYYYYYYYYYY
Floopy Child: WANNA BE MY CHAMMAK CHALLOOOO
Cutie Child: WANNA BE MY CHAMMAK CHALLOOOO
Favorite: ;) ;) ;)
Floopy Child: -_-
Wine Aunt: ;)
Cutie Child: yoU CAN BE MY CHAMMAK CHALLLOOOOOOOOO
FLoopy Child: gLADLY
Cutie Child: >////<
Floopy Child: o////o
Favorite: SHAWTY IM GONNA GETCHAAA
Dad: ah how nice it is to have children that have taste
Dad: lets get this naan everyone
Mom: YOU KNOW IM GONNA GETCHA
Dad: YOU KNOW ILL EVEN LET YOU
Problem Child 2: BE MY CHAMMAK CHAMMAK CHALLOOOOOO
Floopy Child: KAISA SHARMANA AAJA NACH KE DIKHA DEEEE
Cutie Child:AA MERI HOLEY AAKA PARDA GIRA DE
Floopy Child: AA MERI AKHIYON ME AHKIYA MILA LEEEEEEE
Cutie Child: AA TU NA NAKHRE DIKHAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Favorite: *deep breath*
Wine Aunt: *dramatic pause for the seungjin*
Floopy Child: WANNA BE MY CHAMMAK CHALLO
Floopy Child: OOOOOHHHHH OHHHHH
Cutie Child: WANNA BE MY CHAMMAK CHALLO
Cutie Child: OOHHHHH OHHHHHHH
Floopy Child: WANNA BE MY CHAMMAK CHALLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Cutie Child: YESSSIRRRRRRR
Cutie Child: wait what
Floopy Child: <3
Cutie Child: <3
Wine Aunt: AND CUT
Mom: but the song isnt over
Wine Aunt: it’s 8:38 pm and chia needs to do her math hw and fill out her dual enrollment forms and her spanish forms which are due tonight and she also needs to wake up early for jazz because she’s an idiot okay let the poor girl cut the song off halfway
Mom: who-
Mom: what-
Dad: just let it be channie
Mom: what
Dad: ;)
Wine Aunt: ;)
Notes:
so i got lazy
sue me
please don't im broke and i need my money for band ;-;ANYWAYS ik long ending notes are gross but well I'm going to put a long end note anyways because i have a lot of things to say!!! woo!!!
(comments are vv appreciated like always~)
SSP:
- From K to Q is out..like the first chapter lmao
- i reposted you're my wave (crash your lips against mine) because guess what chia is a dumdum and accidently deleted her baby! sad life anyways go read it if you wish~
- new oneshot for jem's birthday and it's a seungjin marriage au and i like to think it's fluffy and cute and it is titled: hey baby, i think i wanna marry you (side minchan because minchan gay)
- just read my other fics if you like crack and sub par writing skillzExcuses as to why I've been gone for a month:
- right so first of all, i was studying for science olympiad and i need to study MORE because i didnt get into team A and have to take another test for Team B so imma be busy
- second of all, school started yesterday and high school is already kicking my ass you guys im not gonna survive the next four years *cri*
- third of all i live in california and the last week or so has been kinda terrifying because guess what it's on fire and im kinda near them but far enough that i don't have to evacuate (tho i nearly had to ;-;)
- ANYWAYS LMAO I WILL PROBABLY DISAPPEAR FOR ANOTHER MONTH DONT MISS ME TOO MUCH
- ways you can STOP me from disappearing for another month: there's really no surefire way unless you do all my hw for me but commenting does help i love comments but none of you are obligated
ALSO LMAO OKAY SO IF YOU WANT SOME QUALITY CRACK WITH THE GC GO TO MY DASH AND CLICK ON THE WORK THATS TITLES "something meme (crackhead antics with the gc)" oKAY I PROMISE YOU CRACK. YOU WILL GET THE GCS CRACK. :DDDD
-belated happy bday once again to jem mwah mwah i love you bby!
stay safe everyone! if ur in cali or somewhere else particularily else i wish you the best of luck okay~
love you all!
Chapter 21: authors note
Summary:
sorry everyone
Chapter Text
hi so this is all written on my phone so excuse the mistakes thank you. okay so I'm ending this fic.
well... rewriting it actually. same with all of my fics that had woojin in them. this means : from a to z, this fic, and my coffee shop series . I'm not gonna delete them since I have too many lovely comments and they're all very close to me..but rewriting nonetheless. Also nothing is going to happen anytime soon because I have school and I'm working on a project currently. I won't go into the specifics on what happened since nothing has been set in stone yet and I'm not answering any questions about it.
sry I'm like a big mess rn. anyways look out for the new insert title here in...October maybe? who knows but I really missed writing this and I'm excited to redo it with the ships I have in mind.
(said ships are minchan, seungjin, changlix, and jeongsung)
hmm any questions about meee will be answered unless they're too personal but yeah I love talking to you all and I love comments and they would really really help me right now. thank you to anyone and everyone who has been with me I love you all.
stay safe ~
pri did a much more in depth of the situation on step out here's the link I highly suggest reading
https://archiveofourown.org/chapters/64185937?show_comments=true&view_full_work=false#comment_342779125
Notes:
-chia <3
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