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Buffy the Vampire Slayer: An Episode Guide in Limerick Form

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Welcome to the Hellmouth  

 

1x01: Welcome to the Hellmouth

The two Summers women arrive
In a new town to start their new lives
Ones with no expulsions
And no gym explosions
(Let’s just hope that Buffy survives)

 

1x02: The Harvest

The Master sent one of his pawns
To feast on the kids at the Bronze
Though he fought for his dinner
Buffy still was the winner
So don’t underestimate blondes

 

1x03: Witch

Willow Rosenberg was very vexed
To find her friend Amy’d been hexed
“I don’t trust these witches!
With their spells and, and their switches!”
Oops – wait ‘til she sees what comes next.

 

1x04: Teacher’s Pet

Young Xander fell under the spell
Of a beautiful insect from hell
She’d take virgins to bed
And she’d bite off their head –
The first demon for whom Xander fell

 

1x05: Never Kill a Boy on the First Date

There once was a boy from suburbia
Who liked anything that’d disturb ya
And, even stranger,
He was turned on by danger
So Buffy kicked him to the curb-ia

 

1x06: The Pack

Flutie said, “Eat that pig, I’ll suspend you”
Not aware he was next on the menu.
Their cackling was hellish
As they ate him with relish —
That’s where liberal thinking will end you.

 

1x07: Angel

Buffy found Angel quite charming
Though he brooded, his smile was disarming
While at first she’d dismissed him
She was ready to kiss him
…But frenching with fangs is alarming

 

1x08: I, Robot…You, Jane

Willow was surfing the net
When she and her true love first met
But things get extreme when
You’re dating a demon
And everyone winds up upset

 

1x09: The Puppet Show

Into a puppet was hexed
A man who thought only of sex
He saved Giles’ head
But the crowd wished that instead
He had saved them from Oedipus Rex

 

1x10: Nightmares

Hank to his daughter, it seemed,
Was being unspeakably mean
He acted pathetic,
Which proved quite prophetic,
But for now it was only a dream

 

1x11: Out of Mind, Out of Sight

Ignored by most of all of her grade
Marcy found she had started to fade
Since none heard her voice
She soon made the choice
To make herself heard with a blade

 

1x12: Prophecy Girl

The strongest vampire by far
Saw his fate written out in the stars
The Slayer would drown
And he’d rule this town –
But he’d never seen CPR

 

Cordelia’s Epilogue

Don’t forget that Cordelia was there!
(Though she mostly just talked of her hair.)
By the end of the season
She’d begun to see reason
But she’d never let on that she cared.