It all started with the dreams. Yes, plural.
He read the books and he knows what he’s eventually going to have to do. Holding hands, hugging, kissing. But they were weeks or even months away from actually filming those scenes and here he was, already obsessing about it to the point that he dreamt about kissing Win. It was disconcerting. But deep down, he knew what it was or at least what it was the beginning of.
In the dream, it wasn’t even Sarawat and Tine. It was just him and Win without the veil of the characters they were only starting to get to know.
It was a good dream. Confusing, but good.
Maybe he shouldn’t be surprised that it eventually ended up like this.
Bright likes looking at him.
Just seeing him talk, seeing him smile, and laugh. He tried not be so obvious but half of the time, he doesn’t even know he’s doing it. It’s become second nature to him by now. Win often says that he’s lucky to have him as a support since he’s new in the industry but what a lot of people don’t realize is that all this attention is new to him too. And maybe Win doesn’t realize that he’s his comfort zone too when things get overwhelming.
After shooting for the series ended, he tried to shake it off. Go back to the early days when no feelings threatened to complicate their situation. Maybe it was just the character getting to him. Maybe it was Sarawat’s feelings, not his. Maybe this would all go away eventually.
Sarawat was his character but at the end of the day, he can only be himself. He can separate fiction from reality even when the lines are blurring. But being in Sarawat’s shoes helped him understand a lot of things about himself that he may have not realized on his own.
And maybe there is such a thing as destiny.
“I’m really happy that destiny brought me to meet Bright.” Win said one time in an interview.
Sarawat and Tine. Bright and Win. Maybe it was always meant to be them after all.
There are times that he thinks Win might feel the same. He’s been in relationships. He knows the signs. During filming, he tried to ignore it. Maybe those looks, those soft smiles, and those unguarded reactions were all just Tine’s. He didn’t dare ask. They only started getting more comfortable with each other.
It’s not the right time.
Will it ever be the right time? Or will it always just end up an awkward mess?
But what if…
At this point, he’s already accepted the fact that he likes Win. And there are days when he thinks ‘like’ isn’t the right word. But it’s a thought that will probably scare them both.
He drops subtle hints here and there. A lot of them off-camera. But on the other hand, he really doesn’t know what he subconsciously does on camera. The fans see it though. After every interview, there would be a million comments about what he let slip.
If they know, then he probably knows too. Win is intuitive and surprisingly observant despite him looking like he’s living in his own world most of the time.
He notices. But never replies. There’s confusion in his eyes. Doubt. There are times when it feels like he’s pulling away. He’s overwhelmed and overthinking. And he just doesn’t want to deal with these feelings.
Should I try?
Should I getting him to open his heart?
Sarawat would’ve said yes to this question. It’s how he got his happy ending. Maybe I should take a page out of his book.
They were growing closer as each day passed. But the walls are still there. It’s towering over him, icy and daunting. It’s something he noticed almost immediately about Win. He smiles warmly, he radiates a cheerful aura but he’s actually quite reserved. There are walls surrounding him like a protective barrier. It’s a contradiction that fascinated him when they first met.
These days, there are times that he could see past these walls. Or more specifically, Win lets him see past his walls. It’s happening more often and that just means he’s getting his hopes up more often as well.
Win doesn’t want to be chased.
I won’t chase.
But if Win knows him at all, he’d know he won’t stop either. They both have issues to work on. He’s not going to push but he won’t be giving up. He'll keep his heart reserved for the day that it can finally be accepted.
For now, he’ll be by his side. As a friend, as his mentor, and as someone he can always count on.
I’ll be waiting.
Because deep down, he knows they were meant to be together.