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Gintoki Appreciation Day

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So I had one goal here – to write the dirtiest, filthiest, most adult, smuttiest smut smut I was capable of with my tiny mostly asexual body. And to write Gin-san dirty talking. (Written for tumblr's Gintoki Appreciation Day)

"Gintoki," Zura panted, hands planted flat against the bathroom door. "T-this is a bad idea..."

Gin groaned, burying his face in Katsura's shoulder. "This was your stupid idea in the first place!" He hissed, not pausing in his hand's exploration of Zura's stupid skirts (he hadn't even bothered to wonder why Zura was just sometimes dressed in drag anymore. ) "I'm not the one who got all handsy at the bar!"

Zura was still being bizarrely demure about the mess he had started, shivering against the insistent press of Gin's hips into his own. "Yeah, but... we're in the bathroom," he tried to argue, and Gin-san kind of wanted to sigh into his stupid gorgeous hair, but not as much as he wanted to smack this idiot. "And you're drunk." He added at the end, but the words were ruined by the slight slur in his voice.

"You're drunk, too!" Gin snapped, and finally found his way under the folds of Zura's stupid excessive kimono to to palm at his – completely hard, thank you - crotch. "Ha, there, see? Why are you even arguing when you're the one who originally put his hand on my thigh when I thought we were having a nice, normal birthday drink. Backing out now just makes you a cocktease, you know," he rumbled into Katsura's ear, and obviously the little shit just liked to make things hard – no pun intended – because now that Gintoki's hand had found its way into his underwear he was moaning like this had been idea in the first place. Which, oh wait, it totally was.

Zura further proved how totally and completely premeditated this actually was by next gasping "On- on the far wall there," and tossing his head to the left. "The vending machine..."

The vending machine, Gin-san could see form here, conveniently dispensed such modern luxuries as lube and condoms. "Oh my god you're such a slut. Lend me 300 yen so I can fuck you."

Zura kicked at him, and Gin reluctantly let go of him to buy the necessities. And if he didn't have enough change to buy both the lube AND a condom, then that was Zura's fault for not lending him money.

By the time he returned to the door he had been pressing Katsura against, he found the other man had fussed with his obi enough to get the folds of his pretty kimono loose, and was in the process of stepping out of his underwear. And fuck, even if he didn't know or really care why Zura was just sometimes dressed like a woman for no apparent reason, he could at least appreciate it right now, because between the two of them they had messed him up enough that his hair and and dress and makeup were all a little fucked up; long, inexplicably shaven legs shaking a bit as they propped him up against the door he leaned against and, oh, look at that, Gin-san could even see skin up near the waist of his shifted clothing enough to watch Zura stroking himself as he waited for Gin to actually walk the six steps it takes to get back over there.

"I hate you so much," Gintoki muttered, and swallowed the satisfied moan that Zura choked out when he grabbed at his ass with his own mouth. The kiss was wet and dirty and tasted like sake, the kind that could only happen drunk in a shitty bathroom, Katsura sucking on his tongue while Gintoki groped at his stupid perfect ass, and God, Gin must be drunk or a pervert to be as turned on as he was right now.

But fuck, at least Zura was as much of a drunken perv as him, because the obscene way he was moaning and grinding his hips into Gin's was pretty fucking indicative. And to fuck with it, they were in a bathroom in a bar Gintoki had already been kicked out of once this month, so there was no reason to waste time trying to lick their way down each other's throats when they both knew what they were actually here for.

So without any further wasting of time, Gin flipped Zura to press his face into the door while he flung the skirts of his kimono up to the side enough to properly fondle that lovely ass, using his other hand to open his own belts while he held the lube packet in his teeth. And okay, he was definitely drunk, because it took waaaayyy too much fumbling to get his pants undone and tear open the lube, and he was damned glad he didn't accidentally spill it all over the floor and Zura's stupid awful kimono because he didn't haven another 150 yen to buy more.

When he got that first wet finger into Zura's hot, tight, GOD was he tight, hole, Gin-san decided okay, nevermind, everything about this was clearly a brilliant idea. "Fucking hell, Zura," he panted around the sound of his friend's audible moan. "when was the last time you got laid, anyway? You're so wound up I'm afraid if I stick my dick in there you'll squeeze it right off," he teased, working another finger in to Katsura's very vocal approval.

"I don't know, whenever the – ah, there, that's good – the last time we did it was?" Zura moaned into his fist, and God damn, seriously? Okay, Gin hadn't gotten laid since the last time the two of them had a roll either, but still. He should probably find that fact more pathetic than sexy, but fuck, knowing no one else touched Zura had been a turn-on back during the war when they had started sleeping together, no reason Gin wouldn't still find the thought ridiculously hot. Then again back during the war it had been easier to pretend there was not something wrong with Zura's head, because some times nowadays it almost felt like Gin was taking advantage of the mentally underfurnished which was "Oh, SHIT! There, Gintoki, just like that, ahh~!" And what had he just been thinking about again?

He was trying to see if he could cram a third finger inside Zura while still massaging his prostate, that's what he was thinking about. Probably not, considering the way the alcohol always slowed Gintoki's system down, but damned if he wasn't gonna give it a shot, he decided optimistically, and started to work his ring finger in while the other two were still squirming inside. And he didn't really know if he was pulling anything off, because right now his head was foggy enough with sake and lust that he was pretty sure he was just wiggling his fingers, but the hand Katsura was pressing against the door spasmed and he bit down on the forearm he was burying his face in with a moan, so fuck it, he must be doing well enough. Gin wasn't even surprised they could still pull this off drunk and hurried in a moderately clean bathroom; their sexual history together was long and colorful enough that this wasn't an unusual sort of rendezvous in the first place.

And fuck if he didn't like the deep, raspy pants of Katsura's voice like this, all breathy and whiny and desperate to be fucked. Which only reminded Gin that it been months since the last time they had nailed, and while that wasn't exactly his longest dry spell by any means, the fact still was that Gintoki had someone warm and sexy and frustrating and most importantly totally into it, so why didn't they do this more often?

Well. Probably because Gintoki lived with a 13-year old girl and Zura lived with a giant space duck and neither of those were the kind of roommate you could hang a sock on the door with, but he didn't wanna think about the horrifying prospect of being walked in on by Kagura or silently watched by Elizabeth right now because this would be a really shit-awful time to lose his hard-on. And. Besides. Right now? He was having sex with Zura. He'd really like that to be the absolute focus of his attention.

Well, okay, it wasn't quite full-on The Sex yet, it was dirty sloppy fingering against a door, but they were both enjoying it enough to count. Gintoki REALLY enjoyed fingering Katsura, actually. He made the most obscene sounds, the kind he tried to stifle when he had Gin's cock in him out of some sort of weird sense of pride that Gin had never understood, and Gin could take his time and work Zura into a nice frenzy without accidentally coming too fast like they were teenagers again. He liked it when Katsura came first, loved the way it felt when he finished with Gin still thrusting inside him, the way he shouted and his ass would spasm and contract a few times before he'd turn into a boneless puddle, loved when they had enough time that Gin could keep fucking him even all loose and sloppy like that.

"Okay, I'm definitely putting it in now," Gin groaned, pulling his fingers out sharply and pressing the blunt head of his cock against Katsura's wet hole, waiting for Zura to take a deep breath, and on the exhale sliding in nice and smooth like the Joui's body was trying to pull him in. It probably said something about them that this particular maneuver needed no communication, Katsura knowing exactly when to breathe to relax his body enough for Gintoki's easy passage inside, but fuck. It was nice to have someone who's body you knew well enough that sex could be this easy, you know? Even still drunk enough that he got a head rush and had to put his hand on the wall besides Zura's head to steady himself.

Gintoki let his head fall to Katsura's shoulder. "Hey, Zura."

Below him, his friend panted. "What?"

Gin stifled a giggle into his neck. "My dick is in your butt right now."

Zura looked over his shoulder to shoot Gintoki the most annoyed fucking look anyone had ever given him, which said a lot considering it was Gin. "No shit, really?" he sniped, and yeah, Gintoki was definitely drunk, because he just burst out laughing, wrapping his other arm around Zura's waist and burying his face into his stupid long hair to laugh. But it was okay, because Zura was drunk too, and he also started laughing, their bodies shaking slightly at the effort of not doubling over.

And shit, that felt good. Not just being able to laugh with someone even at a time like this, but also the feeling of Zura's body shaking with laughter while Gin's dick was buried in his ass, wet and hot and smooth and tight and squirmy. So Gin figured it was about time to indulge himself, rolling his hips a bit and enjoying the surprised gasp that fell from Katsura's lips.

It was slow at first, a leisurely and teasing pace that focused on the exaggerated gyration of Gin's hips, driving in as deep and firm as he could and enjoying the feel of Zura's soft ass against the skin of his pelvis as much as the actual feeling of being inside him. He wished they were at a better angle, or at least naked, because with the Joui's kimono bunched up around his waist in the back like this Gin couldn't watch himself as he entered, couldn't see the way Zura's asshole stretched wide around his cock as he fucked him.

But there were other things he could enjoy like this. For instance, when they were face to face and sober, Zura was way too shy to let loose and scream for him, And Zura had such a deep, sexy voice - it really was a shame when he tried to keep quiet. Gin's left arm was pressed against the door to support his weight, but his right hand he could move from where it was still wrapped around a slim waist, and Gin moved it to Katsura's hip to get a better grip.

He jerked his hips, changing rhythms from the slow rolling motion he was using to something with more force, fucking into Zura with deep, hard thrusts. As he'd hoped, Katsura choked and moaned lewdly, and Gin grinned into his neck. "You like that?" He rumbled, his voice coming out a bit shakier than he'd intended.

"Y-Yeah..." Zura panted, and Gintoki rewarded the answer by licking the sweat off the back of his neck.

Then he spit hair out of his mouth because Zura. Whatever, it was fine, sex was supposed be a little gross. Gin could prove it. "You like it when I take you from behind like this? Like how hard I fuck you?"

And lo, Zura's ass clenched around Gin's dick and his whole body shuddered, because whether he could admit it or not, Zura fucking loved dirty talk. "Yeah," he answered again, breathless and low like he was purring the word out from his chest.

Gintoki bit at his lover's neck, and his next words were low and husky, whispered harshly into Katsura's ear, "Yeah, I know you do. You just love it, don't you? Love being pinned down and stuffed full of my cock?"

"God, yes!" Zura cried, rocking his own hips back against Gin's frantically.

Gintoki gripped harder on Zura's hips to still them, taking control of the pace and slowing it even further. "I'm gonna fuck you so hard you won't be able to walk out of here. You know that, don't you?"

Katsura threw his head back, barely missing head-butting Gin and successfully whipping his hair into the other's face. "Fuck, then just DO it already!" he cried, and Gin smirked, pushing into Zura hard enough to collapse their arms so Zura's whole body was pressed flat against the bathroom door, his own body flush against Katsura's.

"If you insist," he purred, and the new pace he started was punishingly fast, pounding into Katsura hard enough make the door they were fucking against creak an bang on its hinges.

The bathroom had an echo in it, making the obscene sounds of flesh smacking and wood thumping ring around the small room in filthy chorus, punctuated by Zura's deep gasps as he was rammed into. "Ah! Ah – ah – there – right there, just like that – ah- Ah! Like that, like that, like that!"

Gripping Zura's hips with both hands now, Gin thrust up into his ass hard enough to jar the Joui's body into a steady bounce against the door. "That's it, Zura. Take it, take it all."

And Zura writhed on his cock, working his ass down onto it even pinned against the door so he could hardly move. His fingers clutched and scratched at the door, his cries cut off into breathless pants and choked moans, not being able to catch his breath enough to form words anymore. And then, wonder of wonders, his whole body tensed like a bowstring, every muscle in his body going tight as he came against the door. Gin could feel Zura's orgasm everywhere, from where his chest was pushed against the Joui's back to his dick, still pounding into Zura as he clenched and pulsated around him.

Katsura shuddered and went boneless with a weak moan. "C-can't," he whined, "Too much. I can't..."

"Yeah, you can," Gin crooned, not relenting in his thrusts. "Gonna come inside you. You can take it."

But Zura just shook his head. "No, I... Don't. No," and fuck, fuck, FUCK GOD DAMN IT, that was definitely a real 'no.'

"I hate you so fucking much," Gin spat as he pulled out, stepping back to let Zura fall into a jelly-like heap on the floor. "So much, Zura. You have no idea."

"S'not Zura's Kats'ra" the little fucker slurred, turning around to lean against the door and pant against it. And Gin was just about to take that as an invitation to jack off in his face because ONE of them still hadn't finished, thank you, when Zura apparently decided he wasn't going to be the biggest cocktease in the universe after all.

He reached out to pull Gintoki in by his beltloops, and suddenly hello Zura's face was in his crotch. "Oh, holy shit, really?" Was totally a valid question because Gin could count the number of times Katsura had given him a blowjob on one hand. (Four. It was only four times. And considering how many OTHER people he slept with that left the number of times Gin-san had gotten his dick sucked very... Countable.)

"Sure," Zura mumbled against his dick. "Call it 'Gintoki Appreciation Day,'" he said all loose and easy because apparently Gin had finally managed to fuck the stick out of his ass.

And then Zura was swallowing him, sucking lazily on his dick and bobbing his head, with his pretty lipstick smeared to all fuck and back but still managing to get on Gin's cock and his hair all mussed up and in his face and his kimono fallen down around his shoulders and oh look from this angle Gin could see the giant hickey forming on the back of Zura's neck from where he had been biting him and wasn't that nice?

Of course the blowjob itself was sloppy and kind of terrible because as we have covered Zura just doesn't suck a lot of dick. Not to mention he was still all fucked out and loopy, but. Fuck it, Gin had been close before Zura had made him pull out, all he had to do was rock his hips a little into Katsura's surprisingly pliant mouth. Jesus, he could feel every movement of Zura's tongue and lips, his mouth so hot and wet and slippery and Gin was grabbing at his hair because he could feel himself about to come, so sensitive everything felt ten times better and hotter and more sensitive.

"Fuuuuck, Zura," Gin was groaning, coming into Zura's mouth and oh that just made everything so much slicker and wetter, didn't it?

But then Zura was coughing, which, yeah, totally not sexy anymore. "I didn't tell you you could come in my mouth!" he spat, literally, when Gin pulled out.

"Well you didn't want me to come in your ass, and I KNOW you don't want me to come on your face or in your hair, so we were really running out of places, weren't we?" Gin bickered back, stuffing himself back into his pants. Where had his kimono gone? Behind them? He didn't even remember shrugging it off.

Zura was attempting to fix himself too, though with less success considering he was so mussed up he might as well be wearing a neon sign flashing "JUST GOT LAID." It took maybe a minute or two for him to un-and-re-do his kimono and run his hands through his hair to try to straighten it, but... There was really no helped the freshly fucked look he was now sporting. Gin appreciated that probably a little too much.

And from behind the closed door of the farthest stall in the bathroom, Hasegawa asked "Is it safe to come out yet?"


"I WAS IN HERE FIRST! How is it my fault you guys came in and started doing it so suddenly?!" the goddamned loser Madao asked, opening the stall door and stumbling out.

The look of horror on Zura's face was a little awe-inspiring, and he turned around again and threw the door open in a snap.

Only to find on the other side the bar's owner, crossing her arms and glaring at them. "All of you are BANNED."

"What? Even me?!"


"But I didn't even get laid!"


The sad thing was, even having gotten thrown out by the bouncer and banner forever from one more bar in Kabukichou, this was probably still the best birthday Gin had had in half a decade. Because fuck it all, at least he'd gotten some ass, right?