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I live for you, I long for you

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Patrick was rudely awoken by a loud screeching noise. He attempted to roll over and silence the blaring alarm but couldn’t. There was a heavy weight draped over his back. The night came rushing back. Losing against the Blues. Going to Jonny’s to review tape like they always did. Making out on the couch like they did not always do. Then going to Jonny’s bedroom and doing things they never did. Now he was pinned under Jonny and his alarm wouldn’t stop crying.


“Jonny!” Patrick shoved the other man off of himself and started to shake him. “Jonny wake up.”

Jonny grumbled and rolled over, burying himself deeper into the blankets. Patrick jumped out of bed and ran down the hall to where the crying was coming from. He swung open the front door and sure enough found a baby in a carrier outside Jonny’s door. He picked up the carrier and brought it inside. He carefully picked the baby up, glancing at the envelope which said ‘Jonathan Toews’ in fancy script.

He made his way back into the bedroom, crying baby in his arms. “Jonny. Your kid is crying.”

Jonny mumbled something, but stopped halfway through and bolted upright. He took in the sight in front of him. Patrick in nothing but boxers holding a crying baby. A baby that had definitely not been there the night before. He got out of bed and cautiously made his way over to where Patrick was standing, trying to soothe the baby.

“Patrick,” Jonny reached out and gently takes the baby from his arms. “Is this- is this a baby?”

Patrick stared at him. “Fucking obviously. I know you’re kinda dumb in the morning, but, fuck, that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”

Normally, Jonny would glare at Patrick, but right now, he couldn’t take his eyes off the teeny tiny human in his arms. The baby had stopped crying and was looking up at Jonny with bright blue eyes. Jonny eventually looked away when Patrick snapped his fingers in front of Jonny’s face.

“I found her outside your door. Envelope is still in the carrier.”

Jonny nodded and followed Patrick into the living room where Patrick had left the carrier after bringing it inside. Patrick handed the envelope to Jonny after he sat down on the couch. “I’m just gonna-” Patrick gestured to Jonny’s room and walked back there, presumably to shower and give Jonny some alone time with his baby.

Fuck. Jonny had a baby now. The baby was cooing softly in his arms, making Jonny smile to himself. He carefully opened the envelope and pulled out a letter and a birth certificate. He quickly read over the letter, congratulating him on his wishbaby and detailing what was in the carrier with the baby and some essentials he should get for the baby within the next few days.

He put the letter down and looked back over at his baby, who was now happily staring up at Jonny. “Let’s find out your name, Peanut.” Jonny looked down at the birth certificate.

“Olivia Lily Toews-Kane born December 10, 2019 at 4:47 am. 6lbs 8oz. 22 inches long. Parents: Johnathan Bryan Toews and Patrick Timothy Kane.”

Fuck. “Fuck.” Jonny looked down at his daughter. Now that he knew, he could see the resemblance. She had Patrick’s eyes and light hair gently curling around her ears. How was he going to tell Patrick? Jonny had been in love with Pat basically as long as he can remember. Last night was probably the best thing to happen to him, well now the second best thing. The first best was sleeping peacefully in his arms.

Jonny heard the shower turn off in his room. Fuck. He needed a plan. Was he going to tell Patrick about Olivia? He couldn’t just keep it from Pat, Olivia was his daughter, too. But, would Pat want her? It was just sex for Patrick. Jonny had wanted a baby so bad with Patrick that he brought one into existence. Jonny was startled out of his thoughts when Olivia started crying.

“You’re probably hungry, huh Peanut. Let’s get you something to eat.” Jonny carefully stood up and went over to the carrier. There were a couple of diapers, a onesie, and a bottle with some powder in it. Jonny followed the instructions on the letter and made Olivia her bottle. He really needed to go to the store and buy things for her.

He made his way back over to the couch and gave her the bottle. She immediately started sucking gently, eyelids fluttering closed. He was so caught up in watching Olivia that he didn’t hear Patrick until he was standing right in front of him.

“So, you’ve got a baby.”

Jonny glances over to the birth certificate that was thankfully face down on the couch beside him. He could tell Patrick later. “Yeah.”

“Is there, um, anything you need me to like get for her? I know wishbabies come with a few things, but is there anything you need like right away that she doesn’t have?”

Jonny was so fucked. Patrick didn’t even know Olivia was his daughter and he was offering to go shopping for her. Jonny needed to pull himself together.

“Uh, yeah. There’s a list right there,” Jonny nodded his head toward the couch where the letter was sitting. Patrick grabbed for the papers and picked up the birth certificate. “Not that one!”

Patrick immediately dropped it and grabbed the other letter. It wasn’t polite to ask about the parentage of wishbabies of single people. It was rare for a wishbaby to have just one parent and most of the time, the other parent was usually a one night stand or an unrequited love.

Patrick read over the list, nodding occasionally. “I can go get most of this today.”

“Pat, you don’t have to do that. I can go out later.”

Patrick waves him off, “It’s no problem, dude. Gotta solidify my place as the favorite uncle somehow.” Patrick shot Jonny a smile that made Johnny’s knees weak.

Hearing Patrick call himself Olivia’s uncle only broke Jonny’s heart a little. Or maybe a lot, but that was no one’s business but his own. Jonny watched Patrick shove his feet into his shoes and grab his jacket and keys off Jonny’s kitchen counter. “You really don’t have to do this,” Jonny said as he removed the empty bottle from Olivia’s mouth and carefully moved her to burp her.

Patrick rolled his eyes at Jonny, “Jon, I’m going to get her a bunch of shit. And maybe, if you’re good, I’ll get something for you too. Now, shut up and hand me the list.”

Johny hands him the list and tells him only to get a few essentials. He can order the rest online later. “Thanks, Pat. I really appreciate it.”

“It’s no problem, Jon. If you think that baby isn’t going to be absolutely spoiled, you’re wrong. I’ll be back in a couple hours.” Patrick made his way over to the door and yelled over his shoulder, “I expect some quality baby snuggles when I get back, though.”

Jonny laughed and waved him off. He heard the door click and looked back down at the baby in his arms. He still couldn’t get over it. He was going to have to tell management and the team. Fuck. He was going to have to call his mom.

“Alright, Peanut, I think I should call management first. Then my mom. You can just sleep.” Jon shifted Olivia so she was cradled in the crook of his arm and went to find his phone. He found it on the nightstand where he had thrown it the night before.

It seemed like a lifetime ago that he was in his bed with Patrick. They were sitting on Jonny’s couch going over their game from that night and ended up fighting, as usual. Jonny couldn’t get Patrick to shut up, so he leaned in and kissed him. He pulled back after a couple of seconds where Patrick had not responded and was about to apologize, when Pat grabbed Jonny and yanked him back into himself. They made out like a couple of horny teenagers on the couch until Jonny was on top of Patrick, grinding down onto him.

Things escalated pretty quickly from there. Clothes were shed, leaving a trail from the couch to Jonny’s bed. Eventually Jonny was under Patrick moaning loudly as Patrick thrust into him. Jonny shook his head, clearing his thoughts. He should not be thinking about getting fucked by Patrick while holding their baby.

He unlocked his phone and dialed the office. An hour later, he had spoken to what felt like every person on the Blackhawks management team. He wouldn’t keep Olivia a secret, but he didn’t want to expose her to the media too soon. He was sitting on his still unmade bed holding a sleeping Olivia.

“It’s time, Peanut,” Jonny sighs and dials his mom.

“Jon. How are you doing? I haven’t heard from you in a while.”

Jonny smiled. He missed his mom and it was nice to hear her voice. “So, um, Ihaveababy.”

“What was that, sweetheart? It sounded like you said you have a baby. But I know that can’t be right.”

“It is. I woke up this morning and she was outside my door.” Jonny decided to leave out the part where it was Patrick who found her. “Her name is Olivia Lily and she is the most beautiful baby.”

He heard his mom sigh, “That’s wonderful, darling. I’m so happy for you.”

“Thanks.”Jonny shifted on the bed, making the sheets fall mostly to the floor. “Do you maybe want to come meet her? No pressure or anything. I just figured you’d like to meet your granddaughter.”

“Oh, Jon. Of course I want to meet her. I’ll find tickets today to fly down.” There was a brief pause before Andrée asked, “Do you know who her other parent is?”

Jonny heard the door to his condo open and the sounds of bags rustling and muffled curses floated through the house. “I have to go, maman. Can we talk about this later? Text me when you book your flight. Love you.”

Andrée sighed, “Love you, too, Jon.”

Jonny hung up and made his way out into his living room where there were a bunch of bags overflowing with baby things. Patrick was nowhere in sight, though. Jonny carefully put Olivia back in her carrier and moved it next to him so he could start going through the bags. He had sorted out some clothes, formula, and stuffed animals in piles around the room when he heard the door bang open again and Patrick tumble through with more bags.

“Jesus, Kaner. Did you buy the whole store?”

“Not the whole store. Just the essentials. I still have one more box in my car.” Patrick dropped the bags in his hands on the ground next to Jonny. He huffed out a sigh and made his way back out the door.

“Your dad is going to spoil you rotten, little one,” Jonny murmured to Olivia after Patrick had left. He finished sorting the rest of the bags when Patrick came through the door with a large box. “What’s that?”

“A bassinet. She needs somewhere to sleep before she can sleep in a crib.” Patrick looked around the room. “Wow. You made a lot of progress. Where are you going to put all this stuff?”

Jonny hadn’t even thought of that. He would have to make his spare room into a nursery now. He was going to have to furnish the whole room. And paint it. And move all her things there. Patrick must have seen the impending panic on Jonny’s face.

“Hey, we have today off. How about I help you move some things around and get started on making the spare room her nursery. You already have a bunch of furniture in there you can use.”

Olivia chose that moment to wake up crying. Jonny leaned over from where he was sitting to pick her up. “Hi beautiful. What’s wrong?” As soon as he said it, Jonny smelled what was wrong. “Oof. Let’s get you changed, Peanut.” He saw a changing pad sitting amongst the horde of baby items and unfolded it in front of himself. He gently placed the baby down and went to grab a diaper and some wipes, but they were already being handed to him by Patrick. “Thanks.”

Jonny would be the first to admit that he hadn't changed many diapers in his life. “I’m sorry, Peanut, but I’m kinda figuring this out as I go,” he murmured softly as he struggled to change her without getting any poop on himself. It took him probably longer than it should have, but he got it done. He picked up the baby and turned toward Patrick who was diligently cutting tags off tiny clothes and throwing them in the laundry basket at his feet. “Do you wanna hold her?”

Patrick stopped what he was doing and put the scissors on the coffee table in front of him. He reached out for her as he said, “Hell yeah, dude.” Jonny transferred the baby to Patrick’s arms and realised this was the first time Patrick was holding his child and he didn’t know.

Jonny felt a twinge of guilt over not telling Patrick about Olivia. But what if Patrick didn’t want a baby? What if Patrick didn’t want him? Jonny didn’t want to put all this responsibility on Patrick if he didn’t even know if Pat wanted a baby. Jonny pushed those thoughts out of his mind and continued what Patrick had started. He threw all the blankets and clothes into the laundry basket and brought them to his washer to clean them.

When Jonny went back into the living room he found Olivia asleep on Patrick’s chest and Patrick also asleep, one arm curled protectively around the baby. Jonny couldn’t help himself and took a picture. And it was no one’s business but his own if he set as his home screen wallpaper. He gathered all the stuffed animals and miscellaneous baby items and started bringing them into the spare room, now Olivia’s nursery.

He cleaned out some of the drawers and started organising diapers and various other things into the drawers. He switched over the laundry and checked back in on Pat and Olivia, still sound asleep on the couch. Pat still had one big hand splayed across Olivia’s back, gently holding on to her in his sleep. Jonny may have snapped another picture.

Jonny carried the bassinet box into his room and assembled it as quietly as possible. When he went back into the living room this time, Patrick and Olivia were gone from the couch. Jonny whipped around in panic until he saw Patrick in the kitchen fixing a bottle for the baby. He sighed in relief and went to take the baby from Patrick. “You don’t have to do this, Pat. I can make her a bottle.”

Patrick shook his head, “It’s no problem. You were busy and she’s hungry. I got this. You go finish doing whatever you were doing.”

“Ok. But don’t think you have to do all this. You’ve already been so much help today.”

Patrick had finished making a bottle and was feeding Olivia. “Don’t worry about it. I’m not complaining about spending time with my new favorite niece.”

Jonny only screamed a little on the inside and he should be awarded for it. He smiled at Pat and went to grab the laundry and set about folding and sorting all the clothes and blankets and sheets. He brought some of it in his room and most into the nursery. He made a mental list of all the things he still needed to buy and pulled out his phone as we went into the living room.

He sat on the couch next to Patrick who was now burping the baby. He pulled up various baby store sites and, admittedly, went a little crazy. He could afford to splurge a little on his own kid. Every once in a while Patrick would lean over and recommend something or help pick which color to buy. By the end of it, Jonny had spent more than he was willing to say, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. He may have ordered two tiny Blackhawks jerseys with ‘Daddy’ on the back. They were too cute to not get. All of Olivia’s new things would be arriving in a couple of days and he needed to figure out when he would be able to paint the nursery and start setting it up a bit.

It was then that he received a text from his mom saying she would be flying down the next morning. And that he was definitely not off the hook for the question he left unanswered earlier. “Fuck,” Jonny murmured

“What’s up?” Patrick was leaning over again, trying to get a look at Jonny's phone.

“My mom is flying in tomorrow morning and I can’t pick her up.”

“I can go get her.”

“Pat, you don’t have to do that.”

“Shut up. I love Andrée. I haven’t seen her since the last time we played in Winnipeg. Maybe I want to hang out with your mom.” Patrick waggled his eyebrows.

“Can you not be so gross when holding my baby? She’s too young to be exposed to that.”

Patrick just laughed at him. “I’ll pick your mom up. Just let me know when and I’ll be there.” Patrick looked down at the baby “What’s her name, by the way? I’ve only heard you call her ‘Peanut’.”

“Olivia. Olivia Lily.”

“A pretty name for a pretty baby,” he muttered.

The rest of the day was mostly uneventful. Patrick went home late in the afternoon with promises to visit his favorite niece after dropping off Jon’s mom the next day. Jonny spent the rest of the evening cuddling with his baby and trying not to think about how he was going to tell Patrick. He had to tell him eventually. Or maybe he didn’t. He should probably talk about the sex thing, too.

Jonny was startled out of his thoughts by his phone ringing. He picked it up to see who was calling and was surprised to see Donna Kane’s name displayed on the screen. “Hello?”

“Jonathan. Care to explain why my son just sent me a picture of his new ‘niece’ that bears a stunning resemblance to him as a baby?”

Oh, fuck. Jonny knew there was a resemblance, but he didn’t realize it was that much. “Uhh…”

There was a sigh on the other end of the line. “I didn’t tell him and I’m sure you have a good reason as to why you’re not saying anything. But I know my son, and I know he would be a great father. I don’t know what’s going on between you two, but I assume something if that baby is anything to go by. I won’t say anything, but I do want to meet my granddaughter soon.”

“Thank you, Donna. And you are always welcome here. I have a few things I need to talk to Patrick about, Olivia included. I’m just a little overwhelmed right now,” Jon admitted.

“I understand that. You just got a baby. One that you weren’t prepared for. You can be overwhelmed and you can always ask for help.”

Jonny thanked her again and hung up. He was kinda fucked now. And not in the fun way. He was definitely going to have to talk to Patrick. He just didn’t know when. They had practice the next day and a game that night and his mom was flying in early in the morning. And he had Olivia. Maybe he could put it off for a few days. Get settled with the baby then tell Patrick he was the other father to Olivia.

He changed and fed Olivia one more time before heading off to bed. He placed her in the bassinet next to his bed and attempted to get some sleep. She only woke him up a couple times and fell right back to sleep after she was fed or changed. Jonny was hoping the pattern of her being an easy baby would continue.

He woke up the next morning at 7 am to the sound of his door being open. He checked on Olivia who was still asleep and went to go greet his mom.

Andrée was already making her way toward the bedrooms when Jon walked out. “Where is she?”

“She’s asleep, but she should be up soon.” Jonny drew his mom in for a hug, “Hi, maman. It’s nice to see you.” It really was good to see his mother. He hadn’t seen her since the summer and he missed her. He let go and saw Patrick in the kitchen making coffee and searching through the fridge.

“Andrée, what do you want for breakfast? I’m making omelettes for me and Jonny.”

“I’m fine, dear. I ate on the plane”

Olivia took the moment to make her presence known. Jon started to get up, but Andrée pushed him back down and made her way down the hallway to Johnny’s room to retrieve the crying baby.

“Thanks for doing this, Peeks. I know it’s probably not how you wanted to spend your morning.”

Patrick shot a look over his shoulder at Jonny. “Dude, I already told you. I love your mom and I wanna spend time with Olivia. If I didn’t want to be here, I wouldn’t be here.” He transferred the eggs onto a plate and started in on a second omelette. “Plus, you’re not so bad to spend time with.” Patrick turns around with a serious look on his face, “About the other night-“

Andrée chooses that moment to walk into the kitchen with a still screaming Olivia. Jon reaches out to grab her and sees Pat starting to make a bottle out of the corner of his eye. Patrick hands him the bottle when it’s ready and he pops it into Olivia’s mouth.

Andrée coos at the baby, “She’s beautiful. She looks just like you, dear,” she says and looks up directly at Patrick. Jonny whips his head around and sees that Patrick is looking down at the pan. Jon looked at his mother with a panicked expression and shook his head at her.

“She does kinda look like Jonny, doesn’t she?” Patrick turns around and looks between Jonny and Andrée. “Did I miss something? What’s with the looks?”

Andrée turns to Patrick after giving Jonny a pointed look, “Nothing, dear. Just admiring my new grand baby. She does look just like her father.”

Jonny blushes and gives Patrick what he hopes is a non-panicked smile. It must work because Patrick turns back around and starts dishing up the eggs.

Jonny finishes feeding and burping Olivia and places her in the waiting arms of his mother. She takes the baby and starts to make her way around the apartment quietly speaking to her in French.

“We have practice in an hour, maman. Do you mind staying with her?”

“Of course I’ll watch her. That’s why I’m here, cher, to help you.” She quickly switches to French to add, “We’re talking about her other father later. Don’t think I’m letting it go.”

Jonny blushes and goes to his bedroom to get ready for practice. When he goes back into the living room he doesn’t see his mother and Patrick is holding Olivia quietly talking to her. “Your dad is the best, Peanut. He’s gonna take such great care of you. And all your uncles are going to spoil you rotten, but remember that I’m the favorite. If you ever need anything, I’ll be there, no matter what.” Patrick gently kisses the baby’s head and Jon absolutely doesn’t cry.

Jonny composes himself and clears his throat, “We have to leave for practice in a few minutes. Did you want to drive together?”

“Sure. Your mom went to her room for a minute. I can bring her the baby if you want?”

Jon shakes his head, “I can take her.” Jon takes the baby and looks down at her. “Is it weird that I’m going to miss her? I know I’m only going to be gone for a few hours, but I don’t want to leave her.”

Patrick laughs, “Pretty sure that’s normal, bud.”

Jonny sighs and brings the baby to the guest bedroom where his mom is unpacking her suitcase. “We’re leaving in a few minutes for practice. She usually eats every two hours and sleeps most of the time between feedings. She might need a diaper change soon. Formula and bottles are in the kitchen, her bassinet is in my room, and the rest of her things are in the spare room. Call me if you need anything.”

“I’ll be fine, Jonathan. I did raise two babies, remember?” She takes the sleeping baby from Jonny’s arms and looks back up at her son. “Are you going to tell him?”

“I know I have to, but I don’t know how. What if he doesn’t want me? What if he doesn’t want her?”

“I don’t think she would be here if he didn’t want her. All he could talk about on the drive here was her. He wants to be in her life, however you’ll have him.” Andrée smiles and pats his cheek, “Talk to him. You’ll be fine.”

“I will, maman,” Jonny looked down and mumbled, “I just don’t want to get my heart broken.”

Andrée laughed. “That boy would never be able to break your heart. Go. You have to get to practice.” She gives him a kiss on the cheek and shoos him out.

“Kaner, you ready to go?” Jonny yelled.

“Yeah. I’ll drive and just drop you off after practice. Let’s go.”

Jonny followed Patrick out to his car, mentally preparing himself for the conversation he was about to have. He had to tell the father of his child that Olivia was his, too. Jonny steeled himself and got into the car. He waited for Patrick to get in as well and start driving.

They made small talk for a few minutes, Patrick commenting on how they can improve their penalty kill and Jonny nodding along before they fell into silence.

“About the other night-“

“I have something to tell you-“

They both laughed. “You can go first,” Patrick offered.

Jonny took a deep breath, “There’s something you should know about Olivia.”

“Is she okay? She seemed fine when we left. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong. I just think you should probably know who the other parent is, the other father, more specifically.” Jonny looked up at Patrick who seemed curious, but was keeping his eyes on the road in front of him. “It’s, um, it’s you. And I don’t want you to think that you have to like drop everything and be with her all the time. I mean, you can if you want to, but I don’t want to pressure you into anything you don’t want. I know a kid is a big deal-”

“Jonny, calm down.” Patrick pulled into a space in the lot of the practice rink. He turned the car off and reached over to grab one of Jonny’s hands. “I was hoping to talk to you about what happened the other night.” He took a breath and locked eyes with the other man. “I have been waiting for you to make a move for years now. I never thought you would and then we hooked up the other night. I was going to talk to you about it, but then Olivia showed up and I didn’t know if you would still feel the same. I want to be in Olivia’s life, if you’ll have me. I want to be with you, Jon.”

Jonny reached over and pulled Patrick in for a kiss. A sudden knock on the window made them spring apart. Seabs was staring at them with a shit-eating grin outside the car. Jonny groaned and opened the door. “I’m glad you two finally got your shit together, but we have practice in a few minutes and you lovebirds can’t spend the whole day making out in the parking lot. C’mon.” Seabs all but drags Jonny out of the car while Pat gets out and grabs their bags from the back.

“Seabs, go ahead, we’ll catch up. I gotta ask Jonny something.”

“Don’t be late for practice, Cap,” Seabs yells as he strolls off towards the rink.

“What’s up?”

“We’re going to talk about this,” he waves vaguely between them, “later, but I would really like to tell the team about our daughter. If that’s okay with you?”

Jonny pulled Patrick into a kiss. “Yeah. I think we can do that.” He pulled away and grabbed Pat’s hand, leading him into the practice rink. By the time they get to the locker room, everyone is watching the door waiting for them arrive. Seabs must have told everyone, then. Pat squeezed Jonny’s hand and pulled away to head to his locker. “Uh, Kaner and I have something to tell you.”

Someone snorted from Jonny’s right, probably Crow. Jonny ignored him and continued on. “Pat and I have a baby.”

The room went dead quiet. “I’m sorry, what?” It was Stromer that spoke up.

Jonny opens his phone and shows the room the picture of Patrick and Olivia asleep from the morning before. “When did you take that?”

Jonny blushes at Patrick’s question. “Yesterday.”

“Aw, babe. That’s so cute. Send that to me.”

“What’s their name?”

“When did you get them?”

“How long have you two been together?”

Questions were being thrown at them from all over the room. Jonny quieted everyone down to answer them. “Her name is Olivia Lily and she was delivered yesterday morning. Kaner and I have been together for,” he paused and looked at the time on his phone, “about 15 minutes. No more questions. We’re here to play hockey.” Jonny turned around to his stall to start getting ready.

Coach walked in and looked at the chaos. “What’s going on, Jonny?”

“Kaner and I are together and we got a wishbaby yesterday, Olivia.”

“Congratulations. You should bring her in soon.” He turned away and addressed the room. “You guys better be on the ice in 5 minutes or it’s bag skates for the afternoon.”

Patrick stopped Jonny on the way to the ice. “I know we still have to talk about things, but I want you to know that I love you. And I love Olivia and I can’t want to raise her with you.”

Jon smiled and gently kissed Patrick on the top of his head, “I love you, too. I’m so happy that you’re Olivia’s other dad.”

Patrick pulled away and started heading for the tunnel to the ice. He turned around and said, “I’m still totally going to be her favorite.”

Jonny rolled his eyes and followed him onto the rink. “Not a chance, Peeks.” Jonny couldn’t wait for Patrick to spend his life proving Jonny wrong.