A better mindset was a thing on a sliding scale. He did feel better, having been ratcheted back down, but Will knew his mindset was… tense, odd, on the best of days. His ability to take someone apart sexually was just a symptom, and it gave him a deeply soothing pleasure to do that on such a harmless level. It gave him an outlet, and that was a benefit to him in and of itself.
Having studied John after he stayed over from the previous night, he could tell the other man had been too long wound to the limit. How he had managed to offer to help him while in that state and do it so skillfully surprised him. In some ways, helping John achieve what he needed would end up helping him; bring him back down the extra notch or two he needed.
He wasn't there yet, but he would be. He was in control enough that he was sure he wasn't going to hurt John, not in any way John didn't want, not in any way that would leave scars rather than just marks and good feeling. John wanted to be taken apart, to be made to feel, and he had delivered every time. There wasn't a discussion ahead of time about what John wanted and what he could take because the surprise of it was mostly what John wanted. He wanted to be out of control, to have it seized violently by someone who meant it.
Will could understand it. He could read John in that strange way that was his gift. He was a complicated man sometimes, some things not bothering him and others pushing him to the limit. He'd realized almost immediately when the news broke about an alien city that John was there. It made an intuitive sense to him and the crushing responsibility that wound the man up so tightly was very apparent.
Details were sparse on what had happened to lead to this but John had a look in his eye he had seen the first time he had come here, when he had prepared himself for death and death had not let go of him yet. Death hadn't let go of him this time, either, but he'd been ready for it. Had wanted it. Preparing for death, really preparing for it, meant stripping the lies and the falsehoods from life, meant weighing what really mattered and sometimes finding it wanting but still worth the sacrifice.
That was a powerful thing to do. Transformative in a way, if he could break out of the other end of it. It was all tied up with John taking responsibility for so much that he wanted that gone, and he wanted to be pleasing too. Last night had shown him that much. He desperately wanted someone to be proud of what he could endure but found himself in a position where no one could know. That was an interesting quirk and Will intended to play on that. He had spent an interesting afternoon watching John swim and surf, cataloguing the new scars on the lean body, while daydreaming possibilities. There were some significant new marks on his lean body there. The last few years had not been gentle, but that just added to his attraction.
Will had gone out, swam a bit, stretched his muscles and fell into a rhythm, and then swam back while watching John come in from the latest battering he'd taken from a wave. He'd made lunch, sandwiches, and John had eaten it like it was something gourmet. This was about renormalizing, establishing another chapter.
It was interesting to watch. Evening always seemed like the best time to play with someone to him, more relaxing in a way. He noted some of the things that John had done to him, very expertly, and on the principle that you give something on the lines of what you would like, he had noted the focus on lack of control, the vulnerability of the genitals and sensation to breaking point.
He could mimic it in a completely different way, until John wasn't even aware that there was mimicry going on, until it surpassed it, until John unwound at last. Will couldn't fix the man's personal life for him, not any more than he could fix himself. But he could set him back on his feet and wish him well. It was the least he could do considering... He was still trying to process the fact he had been effectively brought down with no fear, terror or excessive pain involved. He was a switch but his usual mode as a sub was much darker in tone. Hannibal liked to play games with him in that mode and there was nothing in the encounters that didn't twist pleasure into fear and terror.
He'd never been taken apart through sensation and pleasure, and it was something he was going to be hard pressed to replicate. For such an astounding feat, he owed John an amazing evening. But Will let it progress naturally; let it linger until he could feel John's anticipation.
They were sipping beers, and John had been forthcoming about some of his experiences, making it sound normal to be dealing with aliens on a day-to-day basis. Other parts he had joked he could interrogate him for later, but he had a wanting look in his eye as he said it.
"So, before I drink myself under the table with your beer," John began. "Are we planning anything?"
"I was just waiting for the right moment. It's always better when you're rested." And had had all day to anticipate, to rest and wait for what was to come.
"I'm feeling pretty rested right now," John replied sprawled on his couch. "All I've done all day is rest."
"And you've been waiting all day. Wondering what comes next," Will pointed out, smiling a little as he stood up.
John smiled a little. "Yeah, I guess I have," he admitted. "And you've been watching me do it."
That had been the point of the exercise after all. The part Will liked the most, being able to build up a sense of anticipation. "Mmhm, and you've looked good anticipating it. Do you want to head to the bedroom?"
"Yeah, I'll go do that," John said getting up, showing that he was more than ready. "You want me to go anywhere in particular afterwards?"
"Just... head to the bedroom, strip off and wait for me." He needed a few moments to get his equipment together, but he had a good idea of what he wanted.
He got a dazzling smile for that suggestion and he was pretty sure John wasn't completely aware of how different he looked when he really smiled. Will headed to his equipment store, and went unerringly to the items he wanted. That was the advantage of a memory like his; he knew exactly where to find things. He reached out and touched them and lingered a little. There were a lot of memories with each toy, embedded, memories of other times, but John stood out among them as one of his better plays. Rare, unreliable, but exquisite to take apart. He trusted him so easily, without even realizing he was giving a gift with that trust. He had the measure of the man, and was pretty sure that he was a genuine hero, because all the genuine heroes he had ever know were supremely screwed up people one way or another, and John Sheppard was right at the front of the queue in that regard. He needed something intense, and special.
Will carried the pieces into the bedroom, and just stood there for a moment, watching John from the doorway. Watching John stand there, comfortable and awkward all at the same time. He was lean looking, and muscular, all clean lines in light and shadow, the sort of lean that came with day-to-day actual use rather than trips to the gym. He was already half hard just from anticipation and that was going to make for an interesting encounter in itself.
Particularly given what he was planning to do to John. "The new scars suit you." He was going to cuff and restrain John's arms, his wrists, but no more. Let him scream, let him howl, let him break into pieces and let that darkness out.
"You'd probably be the only one to thinks so," John replied, trying to stand relaxed for him. He could see him deliberately trying to control his breathing, trying to force relaxation on his body. He did it creditably well.
It wasn't real, but he tried quite well. Will closed the space between then, taking John's right wrist while he walked him backwards towards the bed. "That might be true. That would also be a damn shame if it were true."
"Well, it's pretty true. Not got a lot of point for comparison recently," John confessed as he moved backwards in response to his urging. He glanced down at the new scar tissue on his stomach a little self-consciously.
That was part of the problem, Will knew as he slipped a cuff onto John's right wrist. "Lack of opportunity with the people who interest you?"
"Pretty much. People I trust enough are pairing off, you know? I don't want to screw with that," John answered not even glancing at the cuff. "I just... they deserve to be happy."
He connected the cuff to the bed, sliding his hand down John's arm. "And you don't."
The lack of response was perhaps more telling than any declaration either way. John just gave a slight shrug, pulling at the cuff slightly. "You going to give me a clue how we're going to play today?"
"No." Will smiled as he reached for the next cuff, and smoothly took hold of John's hand. "But it's something you're going to enjoy."
"You haven't let me down on that score," John acknowledged, testing the cuffs absently. It was good to use someone's own minds against them, and Will knew John would have an interesting imagination.
John was creative, even if he'd deny it with a bald lie to Will's face. "I remembered how much you enjoyed the electricity. And I thought of something else. “ He checked the cuffs himself.
"That was a hell of a ride," John replied with a grin. "You seemed to like it too."
He had; John had looked fantastic spread out like that beneath him, not knowing what was going to happen next, writhing as he tried to get away from the over stimulation. "Having time with you like this is not altruistic." He smiled, and stepped back from the bed to undress himself, taking his time. John looked pleased and ready, desperate and excited at the same time.
It would be interesting to know what had triggered the desperation this time. "That's good," John answered, watching him avidly from the bed. It was interesting to think that John actually did like the look of his body rather than just respond to what he could do.
He did respond to what Will could do, but. It wasn't just that simple, wasn't something he could break down quite that easily. He reached for John's erection first, leaning down to kiss him while he ghosted a touch along John's dick. From the way John responded his senses were on high alert. His body was on high alert, and any show of relaxing was just that, a show. He needed to short circuit that process one way or another.
Will started with the cockring, sliding it down the length of John's erection before things got too far and settling it tightly in place behind his balls would be painful.
It said a lot that John's reaction was an exhalation of relief rather than reaction to pain. He had half-lidded his eyes a little, controlling his breathing.
Will ran a fingernail along the inside edge of the cockring, following it along the underside of John's dick, relishing the response he could see however restrained. "Do you like that?"
"Mmm," John nodded as he flexed a little and smirked at him. "Yeah, I do. It's fun.”
Fun was not what he was aiming for however and John knew it. He was deliberately pushing at the boundaries.
He leaned back, and reached for his carefully organized rubbermaid bin of tricks -- the clothespins, and acupuncture needles, the penis plug -- setting it on the bed beside him. "Let's move past fun."
John needed intense, and the sensation of needles in that most sensitive and vulnerable of areas was very intense. Perhaps if John could tolerate a quantity of them he might get out the violet wand and see what happened if he used them as a conductor.
He could see John's eyes widen a little as he could see some of it and was gratified. Not much could surprise John, but it seemed he was not overly familiar with this.
Will was, for so many reasons and on so many levels.
"I want you to feel like your dick is the only part of your body." He reached for a clothes pin first, metal and tiny, and placed it carefully just above the cock ring, to the side of the thick vein that ran up the underside of John's dick.
John hissed a little as it pinched but that was to be expected. He was trying to watch what Will was doing with interest. "Metal ones huh? That's new."
"You'll see later." He added another, and another, taking his time, lining them up like a zipper. Then he took the time to wind a conductive ribbon along their line, so he could rip them all off at once later.
John squirmed a bit but it seemed he needed more than that sensation to get through to him this time. He half-lidded his eyes and smiled. "Was one guy I know used to put clothes pins on me and then whip them off," he said in a tone of fond reminiscence.
"I've been had," Will murmured, mock outrage as he started to place a second line close along the first for just that purpose. "Now I have work to do."
"Yes, sir," John said with a smirk, settling back to let him get on with it. He responded to the pinching metal with small noises, but it was nothing that he couldn't stand, that was for sure. John had a high pain tolerance, and most of the impact to this was to reinforce that Will could and would do whatever he wanted with his cock.
It was an appetizer. Will wasn't enforcing any faux code, no master, no sir, no gagging John. That wasn't what John needed this time. He needed to be short circuited and wanted. Together, at once. Will flicked the tip of John's cock with two fingers, hard enough to sting, and reached for the plug.
"Is that what you used last time?" John asked even as he grimaced slightly. It was something similar although not the exact same thing, but as John had responded well before, Will thought it was worth adding to the experience.
"Not quite. It's a little flared, not quite so long. Locks in place, has a passthrough." He held it so John could see, anticipate, and then grasped John's dick just under the head.
His pupils dilated almost immediately. As he pushed it in, John actually made a strangled noise, tensing all over. Will knew it felt huge going in, burning and just shy of gasping. Just shy of making John cry out from the sensation, and best of all, it wasn't going to go away. It was going to stay in John, make him ache and ache and ache. Will watched as it slipped inside of him, then looked up to see John's face. He had that slightly glazed expression of someone trying to master his reactions, and everything turned inwards. He groaned. "That feels...like a crowbar, Jesus..."
He twisted it, and grinned as John's leg twitched from the sensation. "There we go, it's in. And beautiful."
John would most likely agree if he wasn't struggling to process the pain of it. "Yeah... fuck, that's..."
Something to break the hold of responsibility. Will could guarantee his attention was now firmly focusing not on the world but on the feel of his body. They were sensations that hurt and got him off at the same time. He stretched his hand along John's cock, and then leaned, pressed a kiss to John's stomach as strange counterpoint before he just squeezed.
"Uhnn...shit..." John pulled at his restraints, perspiration spring on his forehead as he squeezed tightly. But he didn't say stop, didn't beg for anything.
Will relaxed his fingers, and let the blood rush around for a moment, leaning back and comfortable on his knees before he started to straighten up what he'd done with the clothespins with that clench. "You're gorgeous."
"I'm glad I bring you pleasure," John said wryly, but Will could see he actually meant it. At least part of this was about enduring for the pleasure of others. It took the responsibility away from him, knowing that what he was going through was giving Will pleasure, so Will made sure that John could see his own physical arousal in response to the power he was wielding over him.
"You do," Will confirmed. "I keep telling you this isn't at all altruistic or suffering. I have a gorgeous man in my bed, and I get to do whatever I like with him." Now that he knew he wasn't going to cross any lines and leave a corpse in his bed. He'd wondered for a moment the night before if John had nearly been willing to risk that and push the request there and then. He didn't know what he would have done to him then.
"That's pretty cool," John answered putting on his lazy drawl.
He twisted the ring at the base of John's cock, and watched the lazy front crumble into an 'o' in John's mouth. "Yes. Now, needles..."
There was a flicker of nervousness in John's expression. "Needles? Should I have a convenient needle phobia?" he asked breathing heavily.
It wouldn't matter at this point if he did. Will was the best at pushing to the limits his partner didn't even know they had. "Do you?" Will asked, smile tight as he reached for the first filament thin needle.
"Well, they're not my favorite thing in the world. I've spent too long in infirmaries playing pincushion for over anxious doctors..." There was something in his tone when he talked about that. John had lost people, and something to do with the infirmary too. But his protestations were just anxiety and anticipation and confirmation he had hit on something to which John would respond. Anticipation could be a good thing. Will held one needle aloft, and slowly angled it towards just below the head of John's cock, underneath the ring that was holding the plug in.
There was a moment when there was no reaction and then as it pushed deeper, John moved from a hiss to an, "Ahh..." of sound. It was pleasing he didn't fight the expression of pain. He gave in, felt it wholly, and rode the sensation. Will liked these needles because they were thin, precise and unyielding but did no damage, and felt amazing -- pain and pleasure in such a sensitive space. The fact that there was metal against it made the needles sing a little, move more with every shift.
Will leaned to pick up another.
There was the way John shifted and struggled with it, trying to reconcile the feelings into something he could deal with. He was going to take delight in making it something he couldn't deal with.
Needles in his dick wasn't something to be dealt with like a poor meeting or a field exercise gone wrong. It was to be experienced. He moved fast with the second one, not giving John too much anticipation, but taking his time sliding it through skin.
"Godammit, Will." John hissed a curse then, but his cock was still hard and he breathed hard. Still no complaints, not that he would stop. The slide of metal through flesh, however fine, was pleasing to him, to that part of him that had been brought back under control but still had a longing for dark things.
There were ways to indulge darker tastes in safe ways. Safe, sane ways, consensual ways, because John's toes were curling from the mix of pain and arousal Will was pressing onto him, balancing between the two as he slid needle after needle into that engorged area. It struck him then to lean up, not touching John's dick, towards his chest, with another needle in hand.
Nipples were sensitive, too.
It was the deliberate way he pushed them into flesh. Not just one, no, but the increasing build of one after another, burning and sharp in a way that other pains were not. They pulsed out warm bursts of sensation as each heartbeat jostled the filaments; he knew that from his own experience and could read it in John’s body. He became curiously engrossed in the process of adding one, then another, then another, creating a beautiful metal mesh. It was almost meditative, listening to John, doing that, watching his cock shiver and quake with every breath, John's hard nipples lined like he'd snapped jewelry on top of them.
He had a very pleasing view and he admired it, looking up at John who was lying with his eyes closed panting a little. His skin was flushed, making the old scars stand out in contrast even more than before. There was scar tissue on his chest and throat that intrigued him. He knew what caused most things on the human body but that scar was intriguing. It didn't look anything of the planet at all, and knowing what he knew, it probably was. He reached up, on a hunch, and planted his hand in the center of John's chest over the strange old scar between his two needle adorned nipples. "How does that feel?"
His reaction to the hand on his chest just there had an instinctive thrash of resistance and his eyes flew open, dark and wide with a glimpse of pure adrenalin and apparent fear. He controlled himself swiftly but he could feel John's heart pounding under his touch, full of life and strength.
"Shit... sorry. It's burning... good," he replied, sounding like his mouth was dry.
Interesting. Will leaned back, grabbed the last five filaments. He barely placed them in, but he stuck them at the edges of the scar, just enough to leave a lingering sensation and a visual.
It triggered something in John that was for sure. He was intrigued as to the cause of that particular scar. It was like he had tapped into something, something that would test John’s emotional state as well as his physical. Needles in his cock, needles in his nipples and skin. That was good for a start, and the clothespins running down the middle, and the passthrough plug. Will stroked the bare skin of John's inner thigh, just to the side of his dick. "Gorgeous. Look at yourself, all decked out."
Gleaming metal, light catching on halo’s of needles that quivered with movement, and the pulse of blood through John’s body. Will could feel his own arousal as he drank in the sight, that curious mixture of strength and vulnerability that made him ache.
"I'm... finding it a little... difficult to concentrate," John replied in a rough voice. "Fuck, it... I can feel it..."
"What can you feel?" He didn't want John to concentrate, and if he was trying, Will was happy to break it. All it took was a flick of a finger, and all the needles on John's dick went vibrating.
There was a strangled yell at that and John was pulling hard on his restraints. It was eroding away at his control, which was a good thing. "Feels like... the hand."
"The hand." Not Will's hand, unless he meant it was as intense as fisting. "You wish it were the hand." He stopped, placing a thumb just at the base of one filament, just to cause pressure that wouldn't damage but might feel like tearing.
"No... no..." It was like John wasn't sure, as if one part of it was horror and another part something remembered in a form of ecstasy. It intrigued Will and it was as good a reason to push things as any. John bellowed again, panting a little. It made Will push his tongue up to the roof of his mouth, savoring the noise like he could taste it, bright and sharp and clean, like a good sparkling wine. He leaned up and kissed John's bottom lip, knowing he was brushing needles when he did so.
The groan was immensely satisfying, but it didn't stop John kissing back with a desperation and fervor. He loved this, could do it for ages before he became bored.
"Will." It was a whisper of noise.
"Mmm?" He needed to stop indulging himself, pull back and give John the grand shock he'd planned from the start.
"Please... I need... something." And he knew that was a hell of an admission for John to make. He wasn't the type to admit his needs, which was half the reason he was in such a state all the time.
"More?" Will leaned back, watching John's eyes more than anything. He could laugh with his mouth if it wasn't real, but John's eyes were generally where the truth lay.
"...Yeah." John said finally as if weighing it up. His hair was going spiky with sweat summoned forth by the sharpness of his needles. He'd hit an emotional nerve as well as the physical ones this time, tapped into a trauma and John’s eyes were beautiful and dark with suffering and courage. It pleased Will deeply, and he felt that peculiar godlike feeling spread over him as if he’d been given a wonderful, beautiful gift that made his own mouth dry, made the ache and need inside of himself burn.
He reached into the box to pull out the violet wand -- not heavy electrical stimulation, but enough to sing along the heavy amounts of metal he had inserted into the most tender areas.
It would zap and burn down the most sensitive skin of all. Earth itself in the halo of metal filaments in John's cock, and down the plug he had inserted. It should crack him wide open with vulnerability -- he might have to sit on John's legs as he did it. This was what he enjoyed, solving the puzzle, finding the key to unlock someone and discover the real them underneath.
He moved ahead of having to, and did sit on John's thigh, taking delight in the closeness, in the strained picture John painted for him while he turned on the violet wand, feeling it hum and crackle and testing the sharp electric zing it gave with his own fingers.
"Oh... shit, Will..." His eyes were wide and dark as he looked up at him. He knew that John had to be in that curious zone of flying on endorphins and on the edge of pain, and he was about to effectively pour rocket fuel on his feeling. He let the violet wand crackle on John's unadorned skin, hearing a hiss of sound at that.
"You're not going to..." John began a little feebly as he toyed with him over his expose torso and thighs.
He didn't have to say yes. He merely nodded, and then gently tapped it against the pass-through plug.
John's expression and yelp was priceless. "Fuck!" He could feel him flex underneath him trying to escape that sting and burn.
It was a good thing he was sitting on his thighs. "Later, maybe." Will tapped along the clothespins, more of a gentle light dragging that would still make John seize with sensation. He literally shuddered all over. It looked like in comparison that was almost pleasurable for John. That was good, he needed to sink into sensation and not many knew the trick that alternating sensations would drag someone deeper, that the body acclimatized to one repeated stimulus.
He wielded the violet wand carefully -- bare skin, nipples, never that line in the center of the chest, it was just too risky, but everywhere else, keeping the sensation varied. Lingering and slow. It was driving John crazy. He had recognized how keyed up he was even when he had come the previous night, too much trying to be in control and sublimating that to responsibility and guilt. John needed the physical release of what he had been doing to himself and that meant making him try to twist and writhe -- and that was unexpectedly pleasant for himself. Crazy with sensation was just where John needed to be. He rode John's bucking, working his body over carefully until he was panting, sweating, just on the edge of crying.
Time to pull off the zipper of clips, and then do away with the cock ring.
The zipper made John bellow hoarsely and uninhibitedly in pain when he pulled it off, allowing blood to rush back into sensitive skin. His cock was swollen with engorged blood, making the needles look in deep. He couldn't resist letting the violet wand conduct electricity from filament to filament garnering more cries and struggling and his own arousal was something climbing inside of him. He persisted relentlessly until John looked like he couldn't take it any more, then he gave him just enough rest and carefully started to fondle his balls. The filaments would have to come out later. Afterwards.
He knew better than most that someone could be broken this way. The artistry came not in the brutality of inflicting pain but in keeping the sensation of the body high and not allowing it to go into shock and numb itself. Each zap was a sharp burning sting, never quite overloading the nerves to shocked lack of sensation. It was breaking him, releasing him and it was a heady intoxication to hold that suffering in the palm of his hand.
To mix pleasure and pain to just the right tension, a knife's edge that kept John from sliding too far either way. Beautiful balance, until he could see that John was on the edge of coming.
It would be interesting to see if he could come like this, with needles still piercing him and the plug pushed in deep. His coherent noises had fled, coming out as wordless groans, cries and harsh bellows depending on how hard he was pushed. It was strange; all that control from tiny fine piercing metal and a touch of electricity in the right place.
Strange and wonderful, making John sweat and pant and beg and squirm, past the edge of his resistance, past the edge of what he could stand and handle.
He felt the moment when John let go, as if a tension joining the two of them had been snipped and snapped back like a taut elastic band to crack against them both. It was like a jolt of ecstasy to him, a taste of the power and control he thought sometimes was white hot pleasure all the time in the minds of the monsters he hunted. John actually pushed from a yell to a near scream as he jolted him hard and he climaxed, and Will could almost taste the confusion of pain and pleasure as he came with still pinioned genitals.
It was beautiful, savory, a feeling he never wanted to let go of. It was better than orgasm in so many ways, a burning without end as he watched John come down while he turned off the violet wand and grabbed the rubbermaid box to hold the needles as he carefully started to remove them. It was a way to keep that sensation going, stopping the climax from truly ending as the sensation merged. In this moment John was his, his completely and he knew it. That lean muscled body, complex rich dark emotions with a light mellow topping of sardonic humor had been shattered by his hand, allowing a build up of pain to drain away. Indeed, like before, John was shuddering his way through the removal processes without the breath for anything loud.
Just feeling it, and Will savored the burn of his own, the steady working backwards. Meticulously pulling the needles out, winding himself down from his own edge while he put John back together. Needles eased out. He saved the ones around the scar on his chest for last. "Was that good?"
It was telling that there was a long pause before John nodded and said in a rough voice. "Fuck yeah."
Sometimes it was strange to think this was what people dreamed about, being held captive by a crazed almost murderer. Well, it made Will feel better, the two nights in a row, and he took his time pulling out the needles. He finally pulled out the plug and then unfastened the cuffs. "Let me get you a towel."
John groaned a little. "Every time, I think I'm ready for what you've got..." He shook his head a little, loose limbed and relaxed.
Will smiled, taking his box of things to autoclave with him as he stood up, stretching lazily. "You inspire me to new heights."
"And new depths later I hope," John said and grinned lazily at him and sprawled decadently. "Because you've got something there to take care of."
"I think now that we're both feeling a lot better, that we can take our time getting around to that." Will lifted his eyebrows at him, and it was easy to smile and mean it. John brought out a calm in him that he appreciated and he was going to try fucking him long and slow without pain, out on the front deck over looking the ocean and see if they could follow the ebb and flow of the waves as the tide came in and the sun came up.
One way or another, despite the methods they used to get there, Will had to acknowledge they were good for each other.
He found himself hoping that they could find out how good they could possibly be.