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Idiot

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Dennis wakes up to a tickling sensation in his nose. He tilts his head backwards sleepily, farther from Mac’s ruffled hair. As Dennis becomes more conscious, however, the scent of Mac’s hair soon lures him to snuggle closer again. He must’ve washed it before bed, Dennis thinks sleepily, as he presses his face into the dark coffee coloured mess. A rare, soft smile hovers on his lips as he breaths in the mint and sandalwood of Mac’s shampoo, underneath it the familiar natural scent that Dennis could call to mind anytime.

Mac’s head is resting heavily on Dennis’ arm, his face tucked into the crook between Dennis’ neck and shoulder. Despite the sting of affection, Dennis is becoming uncomfortably aware of the numbness in his arm. Unwilling to free his arm he wraps both of his arms around Mac instead and pulls him closer in order to shift the weight more onto his shoulder. Mac hums in his sleep, and Dennis presses a kiss on the top of his head, listening for his breathing to get heavy again.

Not feeling like trying to fall back asleep himself, Dennis lets his mind drift back into last night, his cheeks warming thinking about it. He had gotten just obliterated if he was to be honest with himself. After two orgasms, he had passed out quickly, having no recollection of Mac coming back to bed after he had disappeared into the bathroom naked and dripping in sweat.

The memory stirs Dennis’ idle morning wood into life. It had been humiliating and too raw and simply glorious. All of his senses had been nothing but Mac, he had been his air and his sole thought. But as much as Dennis aches to feel that again, he tells his hard on that his ass simply wouldn’t be able to take it again so soon.

If Dennis only could give it back. But something about being the one getting fucked made Mac squeamish. Which, of course, was absolutely ridiculous considering how many times he had fucked Dennis into oblivion during the last couple of months, and before that, some others that Dennis didn’t really care to think about. He had only admitted to Dennis that he’d never done it, weirdly apologetically, and Dennis hadn’t really pressed the issue. He thought he preferred the bottom himself anyway, and it didn’t hurt that Mac really knew his shit when it came to pleasing an another man with his cock. But then again, Dennis couldn’t be sure of his preference since he’d never tried it the other way around.

The problem for Dennis could’ve been about power, a dominance thing, but it really, really just wasn’t. Getting fucked by Mac was the nearest Dennis had gotten to heaven, in which he didn’t believe in anyway, in this lifetime. He also had no doubt that Mac loved fucking him into the mattress with all of his heart, but there was just something about being the one receiving that Dennis wanted to give Mac, even just once.

Well, that and getting to be the first one to wreck that sweet ass. Dennis was just a man after all.

The thought is seriously turning Dennis on, but he isn’t committed into any sort of refined plan as his fingers begin to travel absent-mindedly under Mac’s shirt, caressing his sides and lower back lightly, hardly even touching. He keeps at it for minutes until eventually he hears Mac’s breath start to shorten, his body tensing as his mind struggles to hold on to both sleep and the inviting, pleasurable touches that are calling him awake.

Dennis keeps no hurry, just lets his fingertips now start to wander leisurely around everywhere except where Mac must be wanting them. He goes all the way up behind Mac’s ear and hears his lips part, then tracks back down, stopping to trace the edges of Mac’s nipple briefly. Mac’s cock is diamond against Dennis’ thigh by the time he starts to tease the line of Mac’s underwear, only to start moving back up along his abs. An impatient breath escapes Mac but he keeps still.

It’s mesmerizingly intense. Neither of them has said a word nor opened their eyes. They’re just lying there, Dennis listening to Mac’s breathing and Mac feeling the torturous touches that are making his body melt and turn pliant.

”You smell good”, Dennis whispers into Mac’s hair. Mac just huffs weakly, too wired to say anything sensible.

”Your hair is so soft,” Dennis continues while his hand moves to tuck Mac’s boxers down at last, excruciatingly slowly, careful not to touch his cock in the process. Mac’s got enough of his wits left with him to help the underwear off himself completely. He expects for Dennis to finally touch his cock, and whines when Dennis’ hand finds his thighs instead.

”You sound sexy when you get like this”, Dennis tells him. He knows what praise does to Mac, and he’s decided to drive Mac out of his mind. ”I love it.”

It’s not like he’s lying.

Mac’s breath shivers as Dennis’ hand gets in between his thighs, brushing his tightened balls lightly. But it’s Dennis who has to open his mouth for more air when Mac automatically leans forward, spreading his thighs to allow him better access.

”I love your ass.” Dennis’ finger draws a line from Mac’s perineum to his tailbone. ”It’s perfect”, he sighs, emphasizing the ’t’ as he grabs an ass cheek roughly. Mac gasps in surprise.

”Dennis…” he whines, fighting the urge to grind himself against the mattress.

As Dennis moves lower so that he can bring his mouth to Mac’s ear he catches a glimpse of his face. His eyes are squeezed shut and he looks needy yet somehow also content at the same time. Happy. It’s… cute, Dennis has to conclude in lack of a better word.

”I want to take care of you”, he whispers before he sucks Mac’s earlobe into his mouth, nipping it gently and making Mac hum involuntarily. His hand is now back between Mac’s legs, caressing his balls with his thumb.

”I want to fuck you, baby”, Dennis breathes into his ear, coming out with what has clearly been in the air already. As he waits for Mac to answer he plants some patient kisses onto his shoulder, although he already knows that Mac will say yes.

”Okay”, Mac finally lets out quietly. It’s a nervous, tiny sound that hardly even passes as consent.

Dennis brings his hand to Mac’s face, lifting it up so that he can see his eyes. When Mac’s eyes flutter open, it’s easy to tell he’s having a hard time looking into Dennis’ eyes.

”Hey”, Dennis smiles, kissing him on the lips.

”Hey”, Mac says back, catching his smile instantly despite himself. Dennis presses his forehead against his.

”Are you sure?” he asks. He’s not going to have this coming back to bite his ass. For some reason, this is obviously a big deal for Mac. Mac is also pathologically afraid of letting him down.

”You can say no, Mac”, Dennis adds when Mac doesn’t answer right away.

”No”, Mac blurts, and Dennis doesn’t have the time to get confused before he continues sincerely: ”I mean, no, I-, I want you to.”

Dennis kisses him again, more passionately this time. He strokes Mac’s hair and Mac lets his tongue into his mouth. There’s something about how Mac moves, the sounds he makes, that goes straight to Dennis’ groin. He’s being submissive and Dennis loves it. Sure, he’s had Mac needy and begging before, but not quite like this. Or maybe he’s just on a power trip after all, he doesn’t care.

There’s still a hint of nerves on Mac’s features when they part. Dennis reaches to the nightstand for the lube, tossing it somewhere behind Mac’s back where he’ll be able to easily find it, before turning his attention back to Mac. Dennis kisses his forehead.

”I’m going to make you feel good”, he whispers. He starts stroking Mac’s side, his thumb sliding along the firm muscles gently. ”I want to make you feel good.”

Mac’s eyes fall shut, accompanied by a shaky breath at his words. Dennis moves his body closer until their cocks touch and god, he just wants to be inside Mac so bad. Mac moans at the contact, grinding back.

”Yeah”, Dennis sighs softly. He palms both of their cocks into his hand and slides against Mac, smearing their precum over their shafts. He’s pleasantly surprised to feel teeth on his collarbone, where Mac bites him to muffle the whiny sounds in his throat as Dennis keeps moving against him.

”Naughty”, Dennis comments in a soothing voice. ”I love how ready you are.” He cups Mac’s balls briefly, stroking them gently for a while, before getting the lube. As he warms the liquid in his fingers his other hand massages Mac’s neck and shoulders, distracting him. He’s fingered Mac before a couple of times when he’s gone down on him, but at those times they’ve both known that it wasn’t going to get further than that. Now, when he brings two fingers to rub against Mac’s hole, there’s a different kind of excitement and he knows Mac feels it too from the way he takes a deep breath and shudders.

”Just relax, baby. I’ll make it good for you”, Dennis says, kissing Mac on the cheek. Mac looks at him with half-lidded eyes.

”Yeah”, he says. ”I know.”

Dennis kisses him, hand in his hair as he coaxes Mac’s thighs apart. Mac tries to go more feverishly at the kiss when Dennis’ finger pushes against his entrance, but Dennis pulls back.

”You look so fucking sexy”, he tells Mac before he meets his lips again, drawing Mac’s attention to his tongue as he presses the finger in. Mac whimpers into his mouth and Dennis hums at him tenderly as he begins to move his finger inside of him. He intends to enjoy this, to make Mac desperate for it. It’ll be better for Mac too.

Mac leans back, closing his eyes again. Dennis bites his lip as he watches the small expressions on his face. He makes a note of when Mac’s brows furrow, when his breath hitches, when little noises escape him.

Dennis wants to tell Mac again how fucking good he looks, because god, he does, it’s unreal. But he thinks it might be too much now with the way he’s already staring at Mac, that it might make Mac unnecessarily self-conscious. Dennis wants for Mac to just be relaxed and feel it, enjoy it without shame.

He knows he’s hit Mac’s prostate when Mac suddenly hums brokenly and pushes back against his finger. The bliss on his face makes Dennis’ jaw drop. He feels around for the spot, curling his finger to massage it. The feeling seems to make Mac feel either vulnerable or affectionate or both, because he moves closer to Dennis and it both hides his face and brings his hot, tense breath against Dennis’ skin. Dennis lets him do it whatever it’s for and moves to kiss Mac’s neck, nipping it lightly. He plants kisses up to his jaw and slides his tongue against the shell of Mac’s ear. Mac moans, shivering and needy.

”Please”, he says in a small voice and Dennis kisses and sucks his collarbone while he graciously adds another finger. When he hears Mac moan lewdly Dennis can’t resist pulling him into a kiss by the hair. Mac continues to moan through the kiss and it’s turning Dennis wild. The kiss becomes messy and wet and oh, it’s perfect.

”I love you like this”, he breathes against Mac’s lips, and Mac has those stupid, insanely cute puppy eyes on his face when Dennis looks at him. They make the excited knot in Dennis’ stomach tighten and he just can’t take his eyes off of them. Mac’s cheeks turn red as Dennis stares at him, his fingers relentless as they circle around his prostate softly.

”You look perfect.”

It’s when he notices Mac’s eyes getting wet when he finally tears his eyes away. Even in his fantasies Mac doesn’t cry at this point yet.

”Oh”, he breathes, eyes dark with lust, ”I’m going to fuck you so good.”

Mac swallows, and Dennis can’t help himself. He finally gets his free arm from under Mac and brings it to his throat, wrapping his fingers around it. He doesn’t squeeze or press though, just lays his hand there, caressing Mac’s throat with his thumb. Mac’s jaw turns slack and he looks at Dennis with hazy eyes, and Dennis attacks his ear with his tongue again. Mac jolts as the nerves in his prostate and ear light up simultaneously, sending a chain-reaction throughout his whole body. Dennis kisses his quivering jaw messily before he slides his tongue into Mac’s open mouth.

”Fuck me, Dennis, please”, Mac pleads when they part, and Dennis has never used as much self-restraint in his life as when he answers with: ”Soon.” He kisses Mac quickly again and pulls his fingers out to add lube. Dennis can hear the frustration in Mac’s panting when he pushes his fingers back in, adding a third one.

”Patience –”

”Fuck patience”, Mac complains between his pants. Dennis’ eyebrows rise and he challenges Mac with his eyes, expecting his defiant look to yield under his stare. But Mac just stares back like he’s daring him to do something.

It’s captivating. Dennis is definitely tempted to just roll Mac over and shove his dick in, but he refuses to fall for it. He keeps his fingers steady, stretching Mac with scissoring movements. But Mac seems determined to move things along. Concentrated on working Mac open, Dennis flinches and ends up biting his own tongue when Mac suddenly grabs his cock.

”Fuck”, he hisses. Mac looks at him apologetically and for a while Dennis just stares at him, feeling Mac’s hand moving up and down on his length. His cock obviously agrees with Mac, but Dennis doesn’t like it – he wants to be in control of this. So he goes for Mac’s prostate again, and it immediately messes up Mac’s attempt to jerk him off in any efficient way as the sensation makes his body surrender. Dennis’ other hand goes back to Mac’s throat, and this time he does, just slightly, squeeze his fingers around it. Mac’s breathing becomes ragged, his brows furrowing deep, and he looks… ecstatic.

”Dennis, please”, he rasps and Dennis smiles mischievously. Back to pleading. ”I… god, I… please”, Mac continues desperately, and Dennis knows that voice. He realizes in awe that he’s gotten Mac close.

”Oh, baby”, he says, amused and maybe just a tiny bit sorry that he apparently has prolonged things perhaps for a tad too long. Then again, his intention was to drive Mac out of his mind. Since he’s certainly not going to allow Mac to come just from his fingers though, Dennis guesses this has to be enough. Mac looks at him with a relieved expression as he pulls his fingers out.

Dennis kisses him and pulls a couple of pillows behind Mac’s back so that he’ll be more comfortable laying like he is, half on his side, half on his back. He also places a pillow under Mac’s lower back to lift him up slightly. Mac lets him go about his arrangements, lifting his hands pliantly when Dennis goes to undress him of his shirt, sneaking in kisses whenever any part of Dennis comes close enough for it.

Then, there they are. Dennis looks at Mac like a work of art he’s created, and Mac looks back at him, biting his lip, eyes expectant. Dennis’ eyes roam on Mac’s body as he lubes himself up. When he’s done, he leans down to kiss Mac as he pushes Mac’s other leg up slightly, positioning himself.

”Okay?” he asks, and Mac nods, trying to relax himself against the pillows. But as soon as Dennis’ cock prods against his rim, he trembles, closing his eyes only to shoot them open when Dennis pushes in. Dennis isn’t sure if he hears Mac wince or moan, and he studies his face to make sure. Mac gives him a frail smile, lips shivering, and the trusting look in his eyes makes Dennis’ chest feel tight.

He grips Mac’s hip, unsure if he’s trying to steady Mac or himself. He had been so confident about this, but it was crumbling now, the intensiveness overwhelming him a little. Mac seems to sense this because he wraps his hand around Dennis’ neck, pulling him closer until their noses touch. Dennis closes his eyes and pushes slowly deeper, Mac’s breath warm and uneven on his face. This time he can tell the sound Mac makes is a moan.

Dennis opens his eyes to see Mac’s expression and his cock jerks at the sight. He has never seen Mac look this vulnerable and he has to kiss him, the sense of control flushing back to his veins.

”Everything all right?” he murmurs against Mac’s lips.

”Yeah”, Mac answers breathlessly. ”M-move”, he adds then.

Of course Mac would try to boss him even in this situation. It’s endearing and Dennis brings his thumb to caress Mac’s cheek as he complies, beginning to move his hips in a careful rhythm.

They’re so close to each other, chests pressed together, Mac’s cock hard between them. Dennis wants to stay like this forever, they can come find their entangled skeletons in a couple of years, he doesn’t care.

”You feel so good”, he says, sucking Mac’s lower lip. ”So good. So tight. So fucking hot.” His words earn a particularly loud moan from Mac, and it’s addictive, knowing it’s his words, his cock, getting this response out of Mac.

”It – ah – it feels good”, Mac agrees with him softly, wrapping his arms around Dennis. Dennis strokes his hair, kisses his neck briefly. Then he lets his weight down to his side, pulling Mac’s leg to his waist. He can’t go fast in this position, but he doesn’t want to. No, for now Dennis wants to just go slow and enjoy it, to feel Mac’s body close to his, to concentrate on the sensation of Mac’s walls hot around his cock. To look into his eyes and see that he’s lost in it too.

Mac smiles at him hazily, and Dennis’ heart skips a beat. When did he start feeling this much? And when did it start feeling this good instead of just terrifying? Not that it wasn’t still scary as hell, but the oppressiveness, the weight of it was gone, lifted by the exhilaration of all that feeling being returned to him in full. Mac loved him, and after years of suspicion and self-doubt Dennis knew it now, could feel it every day.

”You’re beautiful”, he whispers in a moment of weakness. Mac stares at him like he can’t believe his ears.

”What?” he asks between the little sounds Dennis’ thrusts are driving out of him.

”You know what I mean, idiot”, Dennis says, a little flustered. But fuck it, he decides then. It’s only weird if he makes it so. He closes the distance between him and Mac’s confused face, kissing him. ”You’re beautiful, dumbass.”

Mac hums, seeming a little unsure about the compliments but too occupied to address them in anyway. Dennis figures he should probably drop the insults. He plants a kiss on the corner of Mac’s mouth.

”Mac. I mean it. You’re perfect”, he says earnestly and then regrets that he doesn’t film himself with Mac, because Mac’s face, oh, it’s, well, perfect. It’s like that puppy face but even better. His eyes turn shiny and his lower lip gets this quiver. Dennis knows that Mac doesn’t hear things like this very often from the people he loves.

He rolls his hips in a slow but defined motion, and it only makes Mac look even more starstruck.

”Dennis”, he moans out, and Dennis stares him like prey. He wraps his fingers around Mac’s wrists, pushing them above his head and Mac lets him, surrendered. He keeps rolling his hips, every thrust like a point being made until Mac’s whole body starts to shake as if he’s about to lose his mind.

Dennis bites his neck, torturously gentle with his teeth, his lips lingering for long enough to taste the sweat on Mac’s skin. The noises Mac makes are sweet, so sweet to his ears and Dennis is drowning in it. He pushes himself up, entwining his fingers with Mac’s. The sight of Mac laying there, willingly trapped underneath him and completely at his mercy makes Dennis’ hips twitch. He’s convinced that it’s the most gorgeous thing he has ever seen or felt. Mac doesn’t even seem to mind his shameless eyes on him, the look on his face best described as euphoric.

If Dennis could, he’d keep it like this, let them wallow in the gentle waves of pleasure ‘til the end of time, but his reptilian brain is starting to take over. He doesn’t even realise he’s picked up the pace until he moves to change his angle a little and Mac cries out in complete abandon as a result.

”Yes”, Mac hisses feverishly, and that’s enough for the rest of Dennis’ sense to leave him. He groans as his hips start pounding faster, his determined eyes on Mac making sure he’s hitting it right on every thrust. Mac’s panting hard, desperately pulling Dennis closer with his leg, and Dennis leans down to kiss him messily. He clasps Mac’s hands and gives a violent thrust, making Mac moan out his name.

”Mac”, Dennis echoes him, his voice tender. He kisses Mac again, letting go of one of Mac’s hands and running his freed hand down Mac’s body. His eyes follow, admiring the defined lines of Mac’s muscles briefly before returning their gaze to Mac’s face. The sharp angles of his jaw. His silly, pretty, downturned eyes.

Dennis had once told Mac that he was ugly, right in the same breath he’d also told him that they were never going to happen. He can only laugh at that version of himself in his mind now. So afraid of allowing himself good things. Scared of being loved, of getting hurt.

He didn’t care if he didn’t deserve it. Dennis wanted Mac, needed him. And anyone who’d try to take it away from him, Mac himself included, would have to pry it from his cold, dead hands.

Of course, it was preferable if Mac was here on his own terms.

”Dennis?”

Dennis realises he’s almost stopped moving, lost in his thought. Mac’s staring at him, worry dawning under his dishevelled appearance. Resuming his pace, Dennis brushes a strand of hair from Mac’s forehead.

”Mac”, he says again, like he’s just figured something out. ”I love you.”

Has he just figured it out? Yes and no. Has he known for years that what he felt for Mac was unlike what he’d ever felt for anyone else? Sure. But Dennis hasn’t called it love, because he’s always known that he wasn’t built for such things. Yet here he was, doing his everything to make Mac feel good, not because he wanted to win his love or admiration – he already had those – but because he wanted to see the pleasure on Mac’s face, to hear it, because when Mac felt good, he felt good.

That had to account for something.

Mac’s face is frozen except for the wetness pooling in the corners of his eyes. Dennis wipes one of them with his thumb, unsure of how Mac’s reaction is making him feel. A part of him is revelling in it, another part hating himself for saying it only just now, sad that Mac has been so deprived of love for most of his life when Dennis could’ve given it to him years ago, had he known he was able.

He kisses the upper lip of Mac’s open hanging mouth. ”I love you”, he repeats, trying not to forget to move his hips.

A small noise of joyous disbelief escapes Mac’s throat. Dennis squeezes his hand when he sees a tear fall down Mac’s cheek. He doesn’t really know what to do or say, so he just buries his face into Mac’s neck, closing his arm around him tightly, and concentrates on his thrusts.

Mac’s hand finds its way into Dennis’ hair, and slowly they ease back into the pleasure together, the world disappearing around them. Mac’s moans grow loud again but they are broken, shaky from emotion. It makes something get stuck in Dennis’ own throat and he kisses Mac to suppress it, reaching down to palm Mac’s cock. When he strokes it Mac clenches around him and Dennis hums, his cock throbbing at the sensation. He fights to keep his movements steady, but Mac’s breath is hot and heavy on his face, the noises he makes growing more and more desperate. He’s not crying, not quite, but he looks like he might any second.

”God, Mac”, Dennis rambles. ”Fuck.”

Knowing he’s not going to last long now, he closes his hand tighter around Mac, quickening his strokes. Mac’s walls squeeze him again, and then again, and Dennis knows he’s doing it on purpose now, driving for the same goal as him. He gives Mac an open-mouthed grin and kisses him before mouthing his ear. Mac wails.

”Dennis, I’m –”

Dennis breathes hot air into Mac’s ear.

”Go on, baby”, he whispers, voice faltering as he feels his own completion building up. ”Come for me.”

Dennis fights to keep his own orgasm at bay, his knuckles white as he nearly crushes Mac’s hand in his, until Mac’s moans rise in pitch and then he’s coming onto Dennis’ fingers, clenching around his cock forcefully. Dennis doesn’t have the time to make a conscious decision to let go before he’s coming too, Mac’s animalistic cries loud in his ear as his hips jerk violently.

Mac seems to still be elsewhere when Dennis starts coming down and he plants small, breathless kisses on Mac’s neck. As he starts to kiss his way up to his face, he tastes salt and realises that Mac’s crying.

Dennis wraps Mac’s trembling body into a hug. He doesn’t say anything, just holds him, only letting go for a second to pull the covers over them.

They stay like that for a few minutes, but the feeling of his soft cock swimming in his own mess inside Mac eventually stops feeling the nice kind of dirty instead of just regular dirty for Dennis, and he has to move to pull himself out. He runs his hand through Mac’s hair before getting off the bed and heading to the bathroom for a towel.

Mac’s still miles away when he comes back and sits beside him, stroking his thigh.

”Can I…?” Dennis asks a little awkwardly, showing the towel in his hand. Mac glances at it and solves his throat, coming out of his haze.

”Yeah”, he says in a small voice, not looking at Dennis. He seems embarrassed, for the crying or semen being wiped from his ass part, Dennis is not sure, but either way he finds it stupid. For the latter part, Mac always does it for him and he finds it kind of nice, like aftercare or something.

When he’s done cleaning the mess, he tosses the towel to the washing machine and returns to bed, spooning Mac. He closes his eyes, caressing Mac’s shoulder absently.

”I’m sorry”, Mac says after a moment of silence. He sounds almost angry.

”What?” Dennis asks, opening his eyes.

”You know, for crying”, he explains quietly. ”I tried not to, but when you said –” he stops to gather himself, ”- when you said you loved me I just… It’s the prostate thing, it does that to me, I don’t know why –”

”Mac”, Dennis stops him. ”I don’t mind.”

Mac’s quiet for a while. ”You don’t?” he asks finally.

”No. As long as you’re feeling good”, Dennis answers, thinking for a second before adding: ”I mean, it’s kind of hot, right?”

Mac snorts.

”It was good, wasn't it?” Dennis asks.

”Good? Dude, it was amazing.”

”Yeah”, Dennis agrees, relieved.

After that they fall silent again. Dennis decides Mac probably doesn’t have to know how great of an effect his tears actually have on him, because Mac is certainly not above using the information for his own benefit. He himself certainly will not be with the knowledge about Mac and prostate simulation.

”Is that why you haven’t done this before?” Dennis finds himself asking.

”Partly, yeah. I definitely didn’t want to start crying in bed with some random hook up.”

An irrational sting of jealousy hits Dennis, but he lets it go, soothed by the fact that he’s just taken the step with Mac that Mac hasn’t allowed anyone else to share with him.

”And I was… afraid of it”, Mac continues. ”Not the pain or anything, just… getting fucked just felt so… gay.”

Dennis can’t help bursting into a laughter, and Mac huffs out a little laugh too. He kisses Mac’s neck, grinning against it.

”So, how do you feel? Gay?”

”Really fucking gay”, Mac answers and the seriousness in his voice makes Dennis lose it completely. There are almost tears falling from his eyes when Mac turns around, looking at him incredulously.

”Idiot”, he says, but there’s a smile ghosting on his lips. ”I love you.”