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TMI Chakra

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“Shut up, Spike.”

It was pretty clear that Buffy was hanging on to her temper by her very last thread. Xander couldn’t blame her; Spike had been antagonizing everyone all evening. They’d finished research early, so Willow could give them all chakra readings for her class “Chakra Healing for Beginners” at the New Age Center near the hospital. Spike was not amused. It might have been different if he’d had chakras to read, but being undead, chakras were so not interested in his body. He and Buffy had already been on patrol, but it was summer, and the place was dead – they hadn’t seen a stakeable vampire all week.

“If the vamp count doesn’t pick up soon, I’m going to have to stake Spike, just to prove I know how,” Buffy complained.


“There will be no stakage of the boyfriend, missy.” Xander stared at Buffy, eyes narrowed. “I’d hate to have to take Mr. Pointy away from you.” He was sure she was kidding, well, mostly sure anyway, but he resolved to keep a closer eye on her, just in case she got stake happy.

Spike licked his lips as he prowled across the floor with that sexy walk of his. “Don’t you worry, love, I can handle Mr. Pointy.”

Buffy and Willow cried “Ewwwww!” but what was even more disturbing was the sly grin on Tara’s face. Xander was pretty sure she’d winked at him!

Spike slipped in behind him, sitting pressed against him on Xander’s chair. He could almost hear Spike roll his eyes. “You lot have dirty minds.”

“Perhaps a change of subject would be appropriate.” Giles crossed his arms, and frowned at them all.

“Oh, I don’t know. I was getting some lovely visuals…” Anya started, pouting when Giles quickly interrupted her.

“Not now, dear,” Giles sighed, “we’re sure to be interrupting Willow’s attempt at reading Xander’s chakras.”

“Speaking of,” Willow motioned at Spike with one hand, like she was brushing away a fly. “Please stop touching Xander, Spike. Every time you do, his sexual energies go through the roof, and I have to start over.”

“What? Bloody hell!”

Spike stomped over to his favorite spot on the ladder to the loft. “This night is never going to end.”

Xander tended to agree. So far, every reading had been followed by a Willow lecture on exercises, mental techniques, focus, colors, and even proper foods for cleansing whichever chakras seemed to be stopped up. Xander had suggested blowing his nose always helped when he was stopped up, but that hadn’t gone over too well.

He glanced over at Spike, who was rhythmically banging his head against the ladder in time to… Xander focused for a second - yep, in time to Xander’s heartbeat. Xander fought the goofy smile that wanted to sweep over his face. Spike kept track of Xander’s heartbeat at all times. Xander thought that was sweet, but he was never telling Spike that again. It had taken him a week to find all his Star Trek novels after the last time he called Spike sweet.

Eventually, the reading was over, and they all breathed a sigh of relief, even the nonbreather in the bunch. Xander’s chakra problems all seemed to reside in his first and second chakras, and holy cow but that was embarrassing! With Spike as a sexual partner, it was a real surprise to discover that the chakra that centered around the sexual organs was the one that was most stopped up.

“You’ve got to be kidding me!” he complained. “Spike and I get more sex than all the rest of you combined!”

Xander rolled his eyes as the girls squealed loudly. “TMI, Xander! Too Much Information!”

He glanced over at Anya. He’d thought she’d be upset by that comment, but actually, she had one hand on her chin in a thoughtful pose, and Xander quickly amended his statement, hoping to head that thought off at the pass. “With the exception of Giles and Anya, of course.” There, that took care of it. Anya beamed proudly, and while Giles blushed bright red, he didn’t try and challenge the statement.

Willow shook her head. “That’s not how it works, Xander. There are many factors involved, not just sex. And you can have sex and still have problems with the flow of your sexual energy.”

Xander pondered that for a second. “Well, how do I free those channels, then?”

Before Willow could answer, Spike jumped up, and grabbed Xander’s hand, pulling him to his feet. “Don’t you worry about that. I know how to take care of the sacral chakra. I’m an expert in the subject.”

“Spike,” Giles sighed heavily. “You don’t even have chakral energies, how could you possibly know…”

“Don’t you worry, Watcher. Give me ten minutes, and Xander here will be all cleared up.” He pulled Xander into the back room, slamming the door on Buffy’s loud complaint.

“Hey! Not on my workout mats!”

“Spike! What the hell are you doing?” Xander was not happy about this. “You may have a thing for exhibitionism, but I do not!”

“They can’t see a thing, love! The door is locked. Besides,” he said, with the wicked grin that always melted Xander’s willpower, “this won’t take long. Promise.”

It was in Xander’s mind to remind Spike that perhaps no one could see them, but that wouldn’t stop them from listening in. He didn’t have a chance to say a thing, though. Spike moved far too fast.

The heat in Spike’s eyes as he pushed Xander up against the wall made his cock tingle. Spike was the sexiest person Xander had ever met, with or without a pulse, and he was, as usual, putty in Spike’s talented hands. Xander pressed closer to him, his hands roaming across Spike’s well-muscled back, and firm ass. Despite his lukewarm body, Xander felt the heat of their kiss sear through him, driving his temperature higher, and his cock harder. He loved Spike’s kisses.

The kiss was over far too soon, but there wasn’t time to complain, or start another, because Spike dropped to his knees, mouthing Xander’s half-hard cock through his jeans, and Xander bit his lip to keep his moans inside. He felt, as much as heard, Spike’s chuckle, and shook his head. Spike was right, there was no way he’d be able to keep this quiet. Xander knew he was a vocal lover, but for now, at least, he’d keep his cries to himself.

He almost gave that promise up when Spike scraped with the flat of his teeth down the length of Xander’s cock before sucking the head, right through his jeans. He panted through the powerful sensations, holding onto the back of the vampire’s head for balance. If Spike didn’t stop that, this was going to be one very short blowjob. Although now that he thought of it, the shorter the blowjob, the less chance he had of making a fool of himself by shouting so loudly everyone on this side of Sunnydale could hear him. He hoped so, anyway.

Spike had Xander’s jeans unzipped, sagging with his underwear around his knees, before Xander could spell Twinkies™. For a minute or two, Spike’s tongue flickered up and down Xander’s shaft faster than a human’s could move, and Xander panted, working hard to avoid thrusting his hardening cock into Spike’s mouth. When Spike concentrated that wicked tongue on the head, Xander fell back against the wall, gasping as he grew hard so fast that his head spun.

“Jesus, Spike!” Xander cried.

That was a new trick, and as soon as he’d recovered from this blowjob, Xander planned to place it at the top of his list of ‘Favorite Things Spike Can Do with His Tongue,’ kicking ‘Stimulating Xander’s Prostate’ firmly into second place. Then Spike sucked the head of Xander’s cock into his mouth, and started to pump the shaft with his hand, putting his considerable sucking ability to excellent use. In no time, Xander was emptying his load down his lover’s throat – Spike’s name echoing around the backroom so loudly that he was sure even the people on the other side of Sunnydale could hear him.

Xander found himself on the dusty floor, the wooden planks cold against his bare ass. He stretched languidly. That had been one amazing blowjob. He leaned over, kissing Spike while massaging the rather massive hard-on that pressed against the zipper of Spike’s jeans. He was rather surprised when Spike put his own hand on top of Xander’s, stopping his movement.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing wrong, love,” Spike told him. “I just have plans for this that don’t involve the backroom of the Magic Box.” He kissed Xander, a brief caress of lips. “What say we get this chakra mess settled, and go home before this cock pokes out somebody’s eye.”

Xander snorted. He couldn’t help it. He could see it happening – Spike’s cock popping the buttons of his 501s, springing out of his jeans, and knocking Buffy halfway across the room. “Watch out! It’s a deadly weapon!” he chortled.

“It is! Especially when it’s loaded.” Spike’s smirk sent Xander laughing even harder, and he ended up on his back, his head on Spike’s thigh, giggling manically.

After giving Xander a few minutes to recover his composure, Spike pulled him out of the backroom. He’d have preferred to keep his eyes closed, so he didn’t have to see their smirks, but he knew Spike, and there was no way Spike wouldn’t take advantage of that to walk Xander right into a bookshelf or something. So he screwed up his courage, and walked out, hiding as best he could behind Spike, until the asshole sat down, leaving Xander standing there alone. Bastard.

That’s when he realized that it was quiet enough to hear crickets – in the next county over. Xander had to look carefully, just to make sure his friends were breathing. They were – rather heavily, if he was any judge. They were also flushed, everyone’s faces red, their eyes wide as they sat there, their mouths opening and closing, but no sound coming out. He must have missed something.

Spike leaned back in his chair, his smirk firmly in place. “Well, Red, you gonna check his chakras, or not?”

Willow jumped as Spike’s words broke the silence. “Oh! Right!” She cleared her throat, blinking rapidly as she focused on Xander. After a few minutes she gasped. “How did you… I mean… What did you do?”

“Cleansed him right up, yeah?” Spike said smugly.

“I can’t believe it!” she cried. “All seven of them. Perfectly clean. It’s amazing!”

Spike stood, pulling his duster around his shoulders. “Right then. Time for me and Xander to be out of here. We got a date with a queen-sized mattress, and a king-sized tub of lube.”

Xander buried his head in his hands. And he’d thought Anya had been too blunt.

Spike grabbed his arm and pulled him toward the front door. “Let’s go, love. If your ankles aren’t locked behind my neck in ten minutes, I’m gonna explode all over the inside of these jeans.”

“TMI, Spike! TMI!” Buffy cried. “I’m going to have to scrub that image out of my head with bleach!”

Xander sighed heavily as the door to the Magic Box closed behind him. They were never going to let him live this one down.