To: All Science Staff
From: Dr. M. Rodney McKay
Re: Off-World Assignments And The Dangers Of Solar Radiation
This memo is primarily for new staff (Definition: If it still takes you longer than 0.73 of a second to find the location of your quarters on the transporter map, then you're still new.), but since I often wonder how the rest of you manage to dress yourselves on a regular basis, it bears reading by all of you. (Yes there will be a test).
Planets in the Pegasus Galaxy are not Earth. No matter how much any given place may look just like that park you went camping in when you were twelve, it's not Earth. While all gated planets have breathable atmospheres (For a not totally stupid explanation of how the Ancients may have accomplished this, Dr. Disbrowe has a half-finished paper on the subject. If we all work together and mock him mercilessly, he may actually finish it.), they do not all have the same composition as Earth's atmosphere. In other words people, the sun on any given planet could well be trying to kill you. Now it won't kill you as fast as that spear-wielding angry local that's running after you, but it will kill you. Use Your Sunscreen. I'm not spending all my free time making it just for fun you know. Also, I don't care how hot it is on planet sweat; keep all your clothes on.
It is of the utmost importance that you trust and respect the members of the military leading your off-world teams. It is even more important (Yes, yes linguists - I know that's impossible.) that in regards to your future dermatological health you must never take the word of Lieutenant (Major/Captain) Flyboy (Grunt/Sailor in the Slovakian Navy) over mine. They all think they're immune to bullets; they aren't bright enough to be afraid of things they can't see.
Rodney grabbed at his tablet as the jumper tipped and executed a smooth turn. His subconscious just didn't believe in inertial dampers.
"We went camping in a place that looks just like this when I was about twelve," John said wistfully.
"We went camping last week on a planet with purple sand," Rodney answered.
John swung the jumper around in a smooth spiral over a small lake. Its white sand beach gave way to a grassy meadow and finally a deciduous forest in full summer leaf. "We could have a picnic."
"We don't have any food, Colonel."
"I bet all four of us could last a month on what you have in your pack, McKay," Ronon said from behind his right ear.
"See Rodney, Ronon agrees. Teyla, how about you? Some nice relaxation time sound good? We have time before we need to meet Jeren at the Town Hall." John turned around and grinned at her.
"Well, if you don't think I would be intruding on your fun, the beach does look nice," Teyla said.
"Um, okay." John swung the jumper around in another pass and landed on the wide expanse of beach.
They filed out the back hatch and Rodney looked dubiously up at the bright sun. He took off his jacket in deference to the heat. John dropped his jacket on top of Rodney's and Ronon just pulled his shirt over his head and stood bare-chested with his face tipped up happily to the sun. Rodney was watching John, who was staring at Ronon with a look of unguarded admiration.
"Exactly," Teyla said really quite loudly. "Exactly what I was expecting. I'll just go wait in the jumper. You can let me know when you're - finished."
"Hey, now - just, Teyla, Teyla," John started to march back towards her.
Rodney pulled a power bar out of his pocket and started munching happily. He hoped that keeping his mouth full would stop him from doing anything stupid like getting in the middle of this argument.
"No really, John. Do not worry. I understand," she smiled at John with the same smile she used on new marines who tried to patronise her. "You three only have eyes for each other, none of you even notice me. I accept that." She tossed her hair back and turned to head back up the jumper ramp.
"Wait a minute, just wait," Ronon said, striding forward. "What happened to, 'Oh Ronon you are far too young for me'?"
"Hey," John turned and yelled at Ronon. "When the hell did this happen. You can't proposition Teyla."
"Why not?" Teyla and Ronon yelled in unison.
"Well, there's the team dynamic to consider," John said in tight voice.
"Oh yeah, like you and McKay haven't been fucking like, like-" Ronon snapped his fingers at Rodney.
"Rabbits," Rodney said around a mouthful of carefully balanced nutrients.
"Right - fucking like rabbits for months." Ronon stood with his arms crossed across his chest.
"Ronon, do you expect me to believe you have remained stoically celibate all this time?" Teyla tipped up an eyebrow.
"Ha," John said and pointed at Ronon.
"I think you're trying to avoid answering the question," Ronon yelled back.
"Things have changed, I have a child now and obviously you are all fucking like rabbits. And - do you have any idea how long it has been?" she finished in a tight voice.
"Hey, you could have just asked you know," John snapped back.
"Whoa, whoa, now people, lets just all calm down and stop yelling okay," Rodney said in a placating tone.
Three incredulous faces turned on him. Ronon broke first, narrowing his eyes suspiciously.
"Ha!" Rodney crowed, grinning widely "I've always wanted the chance to say that to you three."
Teyla cocked her head, anger flushing her face again.
"Now here's what we're going to do," Rodney said, interrupting her before she could speak and get them all yelling again. "Ronon's going to get the emergency blankets out of the jumper, because grass and sand and bugs just - no. We're going to spread them out on the nice ground and then everyone is going to get naked. Everybody gets to have an orgasm however they want."
Teyla raised a brow, and her chin came up a tiny fraction. "Just one?"
Rodney cleared his throat, "How um, how many did you have in mind?"
"I'll let you know." She walked over to stand expectantly on a nice flat patch of grass. She'd pinched John's ass on the way by, and he was staring after her with the same frank admiration he'd had for Ronon.
Ronon laid out the slick, silvery thin blankets at her feet.
"Come on, Rodney," John said and pulled off his tee shirt. "This was your idea, get your ass naked and over here."
"Right, right. Coming." Rodney scurried over to the blanket, clothes flying off and landing behind him.
Teyla stood in the centre of the blanket and watched him appraisingly. "You are behaving in a very, hmm, obedient fashion, Rodney."
"Oh you have no idea," John said from behind her.
"Really," Teyla said thoughtfully. She casually opened her fly and slid her uniform pants down her thighs. Her boots were already tossed to one side, so she just stepped out of her pants and kicked them aside too. Rodney tried not to stare; he really didn't want her offended right now. Teyla locked eyes with him as she pulled her tee shirt off and tossed it after her pants. She reached behind to the clasp of her bra and bestowed a grin on Rodney as she let the bra drop away from her breasts. Rodney heard two other soft sounds over his own little noise of appreciation. "I think you should come over here and get on you knees, Rodney," she said and slid her underwear off slowly.
Rodney dropped his eyes to her glossy, curly, black bush of hair and licked his lips. He sank to his knees more gracefully than he'd ever managed with John or Ronon and crawled towards her. Teyla was shorter than either John or Ronon of course, so Rodney had to hunch forward a little. He resigned himself to a little discomfort and plotted a way to wheedle a back rub out of Ronon with a small bit of his mind. The rest of his attention was focused on the glorious offering in front of him. He reached forward with hands he was not even a little embarrassed to see were shaking and slid his palms up Teyla's beautiful, beautiful thighs. She widened her stance for him, and Rodney smiled up at her and then bent to tease his tongue between her lips. Her cunt was moist already, and Rodney pressed in with firm strokes tasting her greedily. He was hard and giddy with arousal from just that taste. Rodney tilted his head and pressed in searching for her clit. A flush spread down his body and he got a little dizzy just from hearing her moan softly in pleasure.
Rodney heard Ronon moving around and then he could see him loom up behind Teyla. "I am not listening to him complain about his back all day," Ronon said and just hoisted Teyla up into the air until she was sort of sitting on his hands, back pressed against his chest.
Teyla let out a joyous whoop as she launched into the air and, in typical graceful fashion, settled into a comfortable pose, legs swinging in the air while she laughed happily.
Rodney stretched upright, back popping, neck snapping and happily noted that Teyla was perfectly positioned right in front of his face. Rodney touched her legs, and she flipped them up and rested her thighs on his shoulders, letting him take some of her weight, and now she was spread out in front of him in all her glory. Rodney breathed in deeply through his nose, taking in her musky scent. The smell sent another sharp jolt of arousal to his cock. It occurred to Rodney that John might be handy right about now, so he took a moment to look around. John was lazing on the ground watching, keeping his cock happy with some casual strokes. Probably figured Rodney and Ronon were doing a nice job of banishing the last of Teyla's anger, the lazy voyeur.
"Rodney," Teyla said sharply.
"Yes, yes. Getting to it." Rodney bent forward, and licked a hard stripe from Teyla's perineum to the tip of her clit. She let out a gratifyingly enthusiastic yelp when he made his tongue a spear and thrust deep inside her. When that started to get a little uncomfortable, he flicked his tongue almost viciously against her clit, pausing occasionally to nip her labia with his teeth. She was close to coming; he could tell by the rhythmic tensing of her thigh muscles and the low moans raining down on his head. He left off his vigorous attentions and just ran his tongue in lazy circles around, but never quite touching, her clit. She squirmed in Ronon's grasp and banged her heels into his back. Rodney tasked another small part of his brain with coming up with some sort of spurs that wouldn't hurt, or rather, wouldn't hurt too much.
Rodney looked up at Teyla, eyes sparkling with evil glee, and she looked back and raised her brow. "Rodney," she said in clear warning of dire retribution to come. The problem with that was, Rodney would likely really enjoy the retribution. Rodney smirked at her and circled his tongue some more.
"Rodney," she said again, quieter this time. "I do not beg."
Rodney pulled away and smiled up at her. "Just for the record, I do."
She opened her mouth to answer but Rodney pre-empted her with a hard flicking motion of his tongue to her clit that had her tossing her head back and moaning. Rodney slid two fingers deep inside her and finger fucked her until she was moaning and crying out. When she came, she clamped down on Rodney's fingers so hard he thought he might need a splint. After a moment she pushed Rodney's head away with a sharp, "Enough," followed by a softer, "for now," and Ronon let her down with a grunt and a self-satisfied smile.
Teyla sank to her knees in front of Rodney while Ronon wandered over to collapse beside John. Teyla grabbed Rodney's face and kissed his mouth, her tongue taking possession of him. She was certainly tasting herself on his lips. When she was done with him, she pushed him lightly backwards, and he let himself sprawl on the slick blanket. She turned her head to look at John and Ronon, and she smiled with a predatory gleam. "John," she said and damn, if she didn't snap her fingers at him. "I think I require your assistance."
John grinned at her, his slow lazy insolent smirk, seen mostly by his CO's. Then he scrambled up and over to kneel in front of her with an eagerness for action seen mostly by his men.
"I think you should fuck me now, " she said and spread herself out on her back.
"You want to do it like that?" John said, surprised.
"There is something wrong with this position?"
"No, no. Not wrong. It's just you won't be able to move much."
"Oh, is that how you have experienced it?" she asked archly, and John wisely shut up and got busy.
Ronon had crawled over to sprawl beside Rodney, so Rodney turned and intoned, "Here lies John Sheppard, he died with a bantos rod up his ass."
Ronon snickered and then seeing the speculative look on Rodney's face, called him a pervert and smacked him in the head.
Rodney had never watched John fuck anyone else before. Ronon was only an occasional bottom, and always seemed to prefer Rodney do the job. Rodney was almost mesmerized watching the muscular flex of John's ass and the intense concentration on his face. He had Teyla's ankles in a loose grip and was fucking her almost gently. Rodney figured Teyla wouldn't like that very much so he ignored his screaming hard-on for the fun of watching. It didn't take long. Teyla smiled up at John, and then her expression stilled in a moment of concentration that Rodney thought might be an intentional telegraphed warning. Suddenly John was groaning, and his back was bending in an amazing arc, and then he stopped moving entirely. He glared down at her, and she laughed at him, low and throaty, and suddenly he wasn't being so gentle.
"Always liked a muscular woman," Ronon said fondly.
Rodney shook out his fingers again and grinned over at him. "You could fuck me you know, if you're not too busy watching."
"Get your sunscreen and I will," Ronon told him.
"It's way over there." Rodney gestured at his jacket, some few feet away.
"I could just suck you, you lazy bastard," Ronon said and flipped himself over to pillow his head on Rodney's thigh.
Rodney pushed himself up onto his elbows so he could watch his cock disappear into Ronon's mouth with the inspiring sight of John fucking Teyla in the background.
John outlasted Rodney and then nearly outlasted Ronon as well, after Ronon had recovered enough to pull Rodney's head into his own lap. Eventually, they were all lying spent and sprawling, hot skin cooled by the breeze off the lake. They talked idly of swimming to get cooled off some more and incidentally cleaned up, but no one seemed interested in moving.
"Suppose Jeren will care much if we're late?" John asked.