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Is that a gun or are you just happy to see me?

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  Ord x reader (gender neutral) 


  "Devon," You heard a whisper coming from your left. "Devon, sweetie wake up we have to go." You felt the bed dip and an arm wrap around you. You're smile widened as your boyfriend started kissing your neck and going up onto your face. Even if his kisses were the sweetest thing ever you were not getting up from your wrap-up spot in your shared bed. 

  Your boyfriend must have guessed that because he licked your face like a dog and picked you up and threw you back down like a doll. 

  "DUDE!" You yelled and sat up from the bed "You did not have to do that you dick." 

  "Yes, I did have to do that because if I didn't I wouldn't be named Ord." Ord walked over to your closet and threw your clothes at your face. 

  "You know," You unwrapped yourself from the blanket and started getting undressed "that makes no sense what so ever." Ord just scoffed and threw a pair of shoes at you which you hit back with your hands and they ended up hitting Ord in the leg. 

  "Ohh ho ho." He turned towards you as you were putting your sweatshirt on over your button-up shirt "You really wanna pull that card huh?"

  "No, I don't want to pull any card." You got from the bed and put your socks and black jeans on "Dude, your staring again." 

  "Well I'm sorry," He picked up your shoes and handed them to you "I just love you so much it's unbearable." He pulled you in closer to you and kissed your forehead. 

  You pushed him away "Gross!" You put your shoes on and walked over to your vanity where Ord started explaining what you guys had to do today. You and Ord were assassins, most of the time you guys didn't have the same jobs but now and then you had special days where you guys got to work together, today was one of those days. Most of the time Ord dealt with things like illegals deals and did little to no killing but was still trained to kill someone in 2 seconds, while you dealt with the 'I pay you and you kill someone' side of the assassination world. 
  Both of you lived in an apartment on the least known street in Boston, the only reason you guys lived there is because Ord says it would be weird if two assassins lived in a mansion but with the money you guys you could live in three mansions but still this little apartment was your home. This street also had the most drug deals so you liked to assume that's why Ord and you hadn't moved yet. 

  "Vernon said that this would be a sh-" 

  "Again with Vernon, can't that guy like I don't know, stop selling drugs and getting in trouble." You put some earrings on and got up "Like it would make our lives much easier." 

  "Yeah well, you don't have to work for him for another two years." Ord fixed the hair that was in your face. 

  "Yes, I'm glad I don't have to work for a crazy idiot." You kiss Ord which makes him grab you by the waist and throw you over his shoulder.
  "ORD!" You start punching his back as he heads out of your guys' shared room "ORD! LET ME GO YOU DICK!"

  He ignored you as he grabbed his car keys that were on the couch of the small living room you guys also used as a dining room. 
  "Is there a mouse punching me?" Ord teased but he still didn't put you down. Your boyfriend, Ord, was 6'5, 220 pounds, and strong as FUCK. He liked to tease you about how short you were even though you were the average height for women and you were pretty strong. Well, you couldn't crush a dude's arm with your bare hands, which you saw Ord do once and you thought it was so hot you just ran up to him and kiss every part of his body which was weird seeing as how you were on a job. 

  "You're such a dickhead!" You complained and started hitting his back again but he still ignored you. Even when you were going down the stairs that went to the entrance of your apartment he ignored your yells for him to put you down. When you guys when down the stairs you tried to be extra lifeless so you could 'accidentally' slap him with any part of your body. The only part that you slapped was the back of his neck with your forearm so nothing big that would let him let you down. 

  Even when walking to your guy's car he still carried you over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes which when you think about it kinds insulting but you can't think about that know you're trying to escape from your boyfriend's strong grasp. 

  God, why is he so strong.

  You decided the best way to get Ord to let you go was to pinch the area where his jaw met his neck. You did this when you guys were alone and he would instantly turn into this mushy mess and would do anything you wanted, it was cute because you knew his ultimate weakness and could use it at any time. 

  It sounds kinda evil when you put it that way but you don't mean it evilly. Or do you?

  Anyway, 

  "Ord," 

  "Mhm." He makes a simple noise to let you know that he is listening. 

  "I love you." 

  "Aww, I love you t-" You pinched your boyfriend and you felt his knees buckle. He stopped walking but he didn't let you go, his grip just lessened. 

  "You ok?" You try to ask all innocently but you know exactly what you did. 

  "Devon, I hate you." Ord tried using his bedroom voice which made you melt but you were already in control here so nothing could bring you down, you kinda had a weird superiority complex that Ord just fed into. 

  "I won't do it again if you let me go." You felt the hesitance in his action as he carefully set you down on the ground and looked at you with puppy eyes. 

  "You know you could've just asked me to let you, you didn't have to do that." 

  "Yeah but," You patted down his suit "this is funnier." 

  Ord just fixed and hair and you guys started walking again this time with lots of play hitting and smacking each other's asses. You guys were a fun couple. 

  You guys had been dating for 3 years now and every day it's always different. Sometimes you and Ord would be in a serious mood with no games and other times you would play tag till it was 3 in the morning. One time Ord had just gotten back from a job and you decided to be rude and play hide and seek with him except he didn't know you were hiding. He looked for you for about an hour before he decided that someone had taken you hostage. Hey, you guys were in a sketchy business you always had to assume the worst in these types of situations! When Ord had finally got the gun he wanted for blowing someone's head off because they stole his girl, you burst in from the laundry room closet. 

  You could swear that he was crying, it was either because he was happy to see you or he thought you were dead. It was a nice moment and now you guys never play hide and seek because that night was weird. 


  You and Ord finally get to your car, it wasn't a long walk but with all the play hitting you guys were doing it took like an hour to get to your car.

  "You think Veron is gonna be mad?" You ask as you get into the passenger seat of the car. Ord always drove the car, never you, because once when you were little you stole your parents' car and crash it now you're scared of driving cars. 

  "Vernon can suck my," Ord took a dramatic pause to get into the car "dick." he clicked his tongue after he said 'dick' to make it sound more dramatic but he ended up just sounding dumb. 

  "Oh my god, you're so stupid." You groaned and dragged your hands across your face down into your lap. 

  Ord let out a half-smile and held his girlfriend's hand. You kissed Ord's hand and held it in your lap again. It was strange how you and Ord met, you were a waitress at this stupid diner and Ord was, still an assassin but you didn't know that yet because you didn't know him. Anyway, you served him food he was flirting with you, you gave him your number, you guys start going at dates, during that time you might have accidentally killed your boss by smashing his head in with a stapler but that didn't matter because you were on your third date with Ord, you start kissing Ord, you get pushed up against a wall and something falls from the closet next to you.
  A body, a body falls out of the closet next to you but you didn't scream all you said was. 

  "Oh, shit dude." Ord scrunched up his nose at the dead body which you found funny and started laughing. 

  "What's so funny?" He asked defensively not knowing if you were laughing out of shock because you saw a dead body or you were laughing because you were a psychopath. 

  "You, your face is so stupid looking." 

  "You're stupid looking," He grabbed you by the waist and pulled you closer, you could smell the mix of whiskey and weed on him. On any other person, you probably would have pushed them off and said they smelled bad but on Ord, it was an amazing smell along with his 'beard oil'. The first time you heard of his 'beard oil' you laughed so hard you almost peed yourself which Ord found very offensive but only made him hotter. 

  "You're stupider." 

  "Devon," He used his low bedroom voice and sounded like what whiskey and weed would sound like, it was hot as FUCK! "you're stupider than me." 

  "OH MY GOD! I HATE YOU!" You yelled playfully and repeatedly slapped your boyfriend in the arm till he started hitting you back and you guys lost track of time. 


  You guys were about a mile away from the job and about 10 minutes late but who cares because the party didn't start until you guys got there. 

  God that was so stupid. 

  Anyway, you guys had been arguing for about an hour about, car sickness? 

 

  "I DON'T UNDERSTAND!" You yelled and clapped your hands between each word. 

  "I DON'T SEE HOW YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND IT'S SO SIMPLE!" Ord yelled back at you waving his left hand frantically while his right hand was on the wheel. Ord talked with his hands a lot, one time he was so angry and waving his hands around he knocked a lamp off the counter and it shattered, he's tried controlling his anger since then. 

  "I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW PEOPLE CAN GET SICK! FROM BEING! IN A CAR!" You made 'car' an octave louder so you're point would come across as valid but to be honest, you're just plain stupid, Ord knew that because he has been with you for 3 years.

  "HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THAT?! IT'S SO FUCKING SIMPLE!" 

  "HOW? IT MAKES NO SENSE! YOU'RE IN A CAR ALL THE TIME!" You yelled jumping in her seat and talking with your hands "HOW CAN YOU GET SICK FROM SOMETHING YOU DO ALL THE TIME??" 

  Ord's voice went down to its normal mellow tone "Did you know that some people are allergic to the sun?" 

  You tilted your head and looked at him with furrowed brows and your nose was scrunched up "Really?" 

  "Yeah! I don't know how someone could be allergic to the sun but it's a thing." Ord and you sat in silence for a minute just wondering about how someone could be allergic to the sun until Ord started yelling again.
  "SO SOMEONE COULD BE SICK FROM SOMETHING THAT HAPPENS EVERY DAY!" 

  "OH, MY FUCK! YOU BITCH!" You yelled at your boyfriend before hitting his left arm. You guys were still yelling at each other before you heard yelling outside the car. 

  Ord looked out to road they were on and smashed on the breaks and screamed, you screamed as well. Harry was in front of the car putting his hands out in defense so Ord wouldn't hit him. 

  Everyone was screaming. 

  Finally, the car stopped after sliding to a stop. The head of the car only barely touched Harry's legs. 

  "WHAT THE FUCK!" Harry yelled and was so angry his glasses flew off of his face. 

  You punched Ord in the arm "You can't drive for shit." 

  "You were distracting me." Ord undid his seatbelt and you followed in action.

  "That's not an excuse for being a shit driver. You got out of the car and shut the passenger door flipping your boyfriend off. He retaliated by flipping you off as he slammed the door shut on his side. 

  "What the fuck Ord?" Harry yelled and picked up his glasses which were now dusted with dirt from the ground. 

  "Don't say my name like that." Ord pointed his finger sternly at Harry as you guys stood together in front of the car. 

  "I didn't say your name like anything." 

  "Yeah, you did." 

  "No, I didn't." 

  Ord and Harry started fighting like children, not letting one person finish their sentence, getting real close to each other so their chest was touching, it was a stupid sight to see and kinda embarrassing seeing as how your boyfriend was a few years older than you and Harry was older than Ord so it was just sad. 
  You pushed them away from each other not wanting to endure another second of this petty fighting. 

  "Oh my god!" You whined, "Why are you guys so fucking stupid?" 

  Harry glared at your boyfriend and then looked at you "You're stupid." 

  "Don't. Even. Start." You threatened. Harry understood and starting walking towards the building that was behind him, you guys followed. 

   He was explaining to you and Ord on what exactly the job was and what you guys had to do which was simply, make sure no one leaves until the deal had officially ended, and if they do try to leave, kill them. 

  Simple. 

  Today Veron was selling drugs, the best type of deal. But usually, you wouldn't need two assassins at your ready if you were selling drugs but a. Vernon is a pussy ass bitch and is scared of everything and b. the drugs were super expensive and fancy. So if you had fancy drugs and you were selling those drugs you maybe didn't want people leaving without paying for those drugs. 


  They got into the building and Vernon was already there waiting for the two of you. 

  "Oh hey Vernon baby, whatcha doin'?" You said which made Ord's face twist in discomfort. Vernon was very flirty with you and it made Ord jealous every time even though you reassured him every time that Vernon was nothing compared to him. 

  "Ah! Doll!" Vernon walked over to you and kiss you on both cheeks "I've missed you." 

  "I never miss that accent of yours Vernon." You smile and take Ord's hand just so Vernon knows that you're with Ord, and Ord looks like he could kill Vernon if he touched you again. 

  "Sup Vern," Ord says dead and cold. 

  "Never missed ya, Ord," Vernon says uncomfortable and to make matters any worse there were a few seconds of awkward silence which felt like an eternity. Harry just stood next to Vernon rocking his body back and forth as Ord and Vernon had a semi-staring competition and Ord won. 
  "Ok! Well! The buyer should be here any minute now so if you guys could just wait by that door that would be fabulous!" 

  You had to pull Ord away from where his feet were planted because he was too busy staring daggers into Vernon. He ruggedly complied and walked over to the entrance of the building with you. 

  "Now I get that Vernon makes you jealous sometimes but this is weird Ord." 

  "Look," you saw his pat the left pocket of his jacket and then start talking with his hands, it was a quick movement but you can't hide anything from an assassin even if you are an assassin yourself "today I'm not really into the whole Vernon flirting with you ok." Ord was never once to random;y touch his body, yes he did talk with his hands but that was it he rarely fixed his hair (unless he was in front of a mirror), he never touched his face, he never touched his watch to fix it, he just never touched his body unless it was necessary so it made you wonder why he had randomly touched his pocket. It also wasn't an accidental touch, he meant to touch his pocket. 

 "I like it when you're jealous so this is fine." You smiled at him and kiss his check sliding your hands near his pocket to try and get it hoping he didn't notice, but he did. He grabbed your wrist and twisted it just enough so you would whimper in pain. 

  "You know usually I like it better when you make that noise in bed." He smirked and twisted your wrist further making your knees bend as your body tried to fall to the floor. He eventually let you go after you repeatedly pinched him in the arm with your other hand.
  "Don't look in my pocket ok, there is something personal in there I don't want you seeing ok." He whispered to you as you got up from the floor and brushed yourself off. Not only was he using his bedroom voice which he also used outside the bedroom, but he was also caressing your face and putting his thumb on your bottom lip which made you die because you were so flustered. 

  "Ok, ok, I won't look." You smiled and kissed your boyfriend's hand. You guys were always lovey-dovey with each other but it still made you feel all warm and fuzzy when Ord was all sweet and stuff. 

  You brushed off your shirt and fixed your hair trying to not look all, flustered. The weird thing about this whole thing was that Ord never got defensive over small things, normally, he would just tell you what's up but he was acting weird about the thing in his pocket. 
  Out of the corner of your eye, you could see Vernon staring at you two probably wondering what was happening over there. You also noticed that it had already been 'a few minutes' and no one had walked into the building which made you a little suspicious. Vernon must have seen the concern in your face so he turned around and started talking.

  "I bet their gonna be here any second now." 

  "Ok Vern, I just don't want to be here for no reason." 

  "Oh doll, you aren't here for no reason," Vernon said and smiled then pointed to your boyfriend who was to your left. 

  You looked over to see Ord on one knee and taking something out of the pocket you were just fighting over. You knew what he was doing because you had seen other people do it to their partners so many times before, and you had seen it on TV before. 

  You covered your mouth with your hands as you started tearing up. 

  "Devon Lucin, I know we haven't been together long b-" 

  "We've been together for 3 years I want to say that's long." 

  Ord blew air of his nose and smiled "Ok, we've been together for so long and I want you to know you make me the happiest man in the world." He opened the box and held your left hand, you started crying more "Will you please make me happy forevermore and marry me?"  

  Through your sobs of happiness, you had to ask a fundamental question "Why are you doing this while we're on a job?" 

  Ord went kinda limp and just started chuckling while still being on one knee "Dev, honey," Ord started laughing again "this isn't a job I just wanted to catch you by surprise."

  "Right, that's smart." You almost forgot to answer his question because you forgot about it with your question "Oh right! Yes, yes I will marry you oh my god Ord." Ord put the ring on your finger and grabbed you but the waist while standing up. You kissed him for what felt like an eternity because holy fuck you would be marring this stupid idiot that you loved so much.  

  "Oh, and I wanted to give you one last thing." He said while putting you back down on the ground and turned your body in the other direction. 
  Vernon, Harry, and other people that worked for Vernon had set up banners and streamers and somehow got cupcakes out while you were looking at Ord. They opened confetti poppers and yelled 

  "CONGRATULATIONS!" You and Ord walked up to the group and Vernon was the first one to talk to you.

  "Now doll, I'm sad to let you go but Ord is a great man and if you're happy, I'm happy." 

  "Aww Vernon," You went in for a hug "that's so sweet and you will always be my favorite flirt." You saw Ord scowl which made your smile widen.

  Vernon and Harry switched places so now Harry was talking to you. "Sorry we couldn't get any more people here, we don't know anyone else."

  "Harry that's ok," You sympathized with him "the only thing that matters is that you're the sweetest person ever for helping with this."  

  "Ord may be a jackass but he is the nicest jackass I've ever met." Harry laughed. 

  You smiled and went back to Ord's side."You are so dead when we get home you know that right?" You whispered into Ord's ear which you did by pulling him down by his collar. 

  "If dying means spending the rest of my life with you I'm ready to die." He whispered back before pulling himself away from your grip and talking and drinking with his friends.  

    Everything went by so fast, a second ago it seemed like Ord had just dropped you onto the bed to wake you up and now you were engaged. It was amazingly crazy and you wouldn't trade anything for it. You punched Ord for lying to you but besides that everything went smoothly you guys ate, drank, did drugs, you know things that friends do.
  Sooner than later the party was over and you and Ord were heading back to your little apartment which you wouldn't trade for the world and you were going to go to bed in you little bed which let you be as close as to Ord as you wanted to and maybe you would stay up a little later than usual if you know what I mean.

  Sorry, I'm gross, but anyway. 

  Everything was perfect because Ord was perfect and Ord was always in your life, you loved him and he loved you.