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Hidden Pasts

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“If you weren’t born, we wouldn’t be living like this! Everything is your fault! Why couldn’t you just die?!” The harsh male voice roared

Trixa gasped awake as she breathed in rapidly and looked around in a panic before remembering where she is. She wasn’t in her old home, verbally abused by her dad while her mom watched as if it was nothing bad. She was in her room, in the Pretty Cook.

‘It was just a dream. Just a dream. Just a dream.’ She repeated the mantra in her head as she hugged herself and began to sniffle.

From her shadow, she can feel Izzoz try to comfort her with an inky tendril coming out of her shadow and pat her head. He knew what her parents were like, he killed her dad the day he possessed her. She was supposed to feel sad when it happened but all she felt was relief when Izzoz ended his life.

Trixa began to sob and she tried to muffle it behind her hands so as to not alert her friends as Izzoz’ inky tendril receded back into her shadow and formed into his cat form. He nuzzled closer to her, trying his best to comfort his charge. Her memories began to resurface after Google MacGuffin and the King of Games made her relive that one moment of her past. The one good thing that happened was she was with Kovacs and he beat the shit out of her dad. Even though she knew it never happened in her childhood, the image of Kovacs just punching her dad repeatedly was great.

It was a shame that Google had tried to erase their memories after that psychic adventure but he succeeded with everyone but her and Pluck. Even to Kovacs who was with her in that memory as she was with him when he confronted Lucian. Well, a false Lucian.

She looked out the window and saw it was probably past midnight. Her friends were probably heading back to bed after they’re night of drinking together. She had opted to not drink with them and went to bed early. 

Her reverie was broken when she heard a knock on her door. Trixa wiped her eyes and sat up, trying her best not to look like she had been crying.

“G-Go away!” She called out and winced at how raspy her voice sounded.

The knocking paused and a male voice came from the door. “Trixa, may I come in?”

It was Kovacs.

Within the party, she had grown close to Kovacs the most. With almost everyone busy, Anya and her cult, Werblund looking for his daughter, and Pluck with his new lizard babies. While she cared for the other members of their party very deeply and even enjoyed the shenanigans and misadventures they get themselves into, alongside Izzoz, she had felt safe and trusted the Half-Elf.

Even when at first she had distrusted and feared the Half-Elf for his hatred for demons as she hosted one and when he had thrown her to a bunch of evil adventurers looking for Google MacGuffin back in Waterdeep when she went all demony in the metal carriage though she could understand why. But it doesn’t mean she was happy about it.

“Y-Yeah… You can come in.” Trixa answered and bundled herself into a blanket burrito with Izzoz the cat in her arms.

Kovacs gently opened the door and it took a bit for his eyes to adjust to the darkness in her room. He wasn’t in his armour and was in a simple cotton shirt and pants. He walked through the room and sat on her bed.

From his perspective, Trixa was so unlike how she normally does, a cheeky and cheerful halfling, who can easily kill anyone underestimating her in a fight and summon the demon that possesses her to aid her in said murder. But now, she was a sad lump on her bed with her blankets bundled around her and her demon in the form of a cat that seemed almost familiar but his mind can’t seem to remember why.

“I heard crying from my room. Is everything alright, Trixa?” He asked, worry lacing his voice.

Trixa sighed. She hasn’t told everyone about her family life or about what she learned from Google on how to get rid of Izzoz which involved forgiving her mother not out of distrust towards them as Werblund does with his backstory but out of fear. She doesn’t want them to pity her as the abused kid, she wants to move on from it. Especially around Kovacs at first with his extreme prejudice against demons until he felt okay-ish around Izzoz when he wasn’t turning her against them. That is until the King of Games’ game when it was shown to Kovacs and Pluck out of her control and consent.

Afterward, only Kovacs forgot their experience. Pluck and her had tried to explain to him about Google MacGuffin and the game but he erased his memories of all traces about the stone, he had thought they were playing a trick on him. 

But maybe, she could tell him about her life without a magical stone, cosmic entity, and being controlled by a third party. Out of them all, she trusted him the most.

“Just… remembering my family…” She answered, curling tighter into a ball.

Kovacs paused and bowed his head. “Oh… Do you miss them? It’s only natural if you-”

“No…” She shook her head. She doesn’t miss them, most of the time she doesn’t even think about them except for the few times she wonders where her mother is. “My parents didn’t love me or cared for me like how Werblund does for his daughter.”

Kovacs inhaled sharply, his hands curling into fists. With the way Trixa had said it so despondently and so normally too, parents should be protecting and caring for their children. But the idea that Trixa had been abused, it made his blood boil. “Did they hurt you when you were a child? Was that why you were crying?”

Trixa nodded slowly. “I had a nightmare about my dad. It was always my dad who did anything bad, especially when he was drunk. But my mom…” She felt that same anger go through and she breathed in and out to calm herself down. Kovacs would see the black veins emerge from her eyes but they receded just as quickly as they appeared. “My mom just sat there, not doing anything. She didn’t help my dad in hurting me but she didn’t defend me either.”

“What happened to them?” Kovacs asked her,

“Izzoz happened. He killed my dad when he went out looking for me after another day of drinking.” She answered, simply. She could still remember that day as clear as day. Izzoz killing her father and presenting him to her like a regular pet cat bringing home a dead bird. “When he did that, I remember running away. I have no idea where my mother is though.” Until the game with Google MacGuffin and the King of Games that is.

Kovacs sighed as he looked over Trixa, this halfling who had fought beside him and tried her best to get along with everyone in the party even towards Anya who had been snobbish towards them and full of herself. Even when her demon had run amok and speared him through the leg during the fight in Fizzlepot’s house, she had looked guilty and mortified at what she had done. Apart from Werblund, he trusted her the most in the group.

“My parents were not… the most stable of couples. It comes to no surprise as my father wasn’t the most loving or kind.” Trixa looked up in shock but she let him continue his tale. “My father was a high ranking Elf in Thisbenar’s government. He didn’t pay much attention to me unless it had to do with my ranking in the military. He had set out high expectations for me as his son so I did not embarrass him and I did everything to achieve them. But no matter what I did, it was never enough.”

“And your mom?”

“She was the kindest person I know but very sick and frail, I always visited her when I can... But… When…” he closed his eyes as a wave of grief and pain washed over him. He could still remember that day. The fires in the city, fighting off his former brothers and sisters from his friend, Lucian only to find out he had been deceived.

Trixa placed a hand on his shoulder and he touched it gently, sending Trixa a reassuring smile.

“When the paladins attacked, my mother was among the casualties…. I had only found out afterward.” He took a shuddering breath. “Last I heard, my father had been injured, though like you, I’m not sure where he is or if he is still alive nor do I care.”

“Really? You don’t care about knowing whether your last family member could still be alive?” She asked him, curiously.

Kovacs placed a hand on Trixa’s head and gave her a small smile. “I don’t care because I have found a new family now and it’s with you and the others.”

Trixa sniffled, feeling touched as she smiled back at him. “Thank you, Kovacs.”

“You’re welcome, Trixa.” Kovacs patted her head, awkwardly. Well, that’s enough emotions for the night. “I.. hope you have a good night’s rest.”

“You too,”

Kovacs left the room and Trixa had tried once again to sleep and thankfully had finally fallen asleep