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The Ones Who Never Yawn

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Bright was never really that bright.

Win, well, he is not that much of a winner either.

Music, boys, and booze.

Who said freshman year sucked?

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          Getting up this early should be illegal. It is only the first day of college and I feel tired already. It is a quarter past six in the morning and my phone is already buzzing non-stop. I do not even have to check to know that the messages are from Mike and Gun. Oh wait, it could be from him? Nope.

          After I take my shower, I dress up and rush so I could once again check on my phone. A message from Frank. No, Frank, I do not need any message from you right now, I am almost sure Mom forced you to send this anyway.

          I groan as I am reminded of the fact that friends are not so friendly after all. How can they seriously tell me at the very last minute? Not only that I have an early class, I also get to be alone. How did they even manage to be on the same class but me? Traitors.

          New friend? Who are they even trying to kid. I take my earphones on the way out of my room. Of course, if there is anything that would help me avoid unnecessary nuisance, it is my guitar. Isolation is the key.



          I get inside my assigned room, doing my best to find the best seat, the vacant ones from the back. Perfect. Now all I do is hope against hope that no one decides to sit next to me. Earphones on, Panic playlist on repeat. I’m good.

          A few songs later, I see how the room is nearly full. The professor better be here soon. So much for making me wake up early for this class. And as if on cue, a slim woman rushes into the room. She looks like she came running from the gates or something. “Hello, everyone. My name is ChaAim. I’ll be your advisor, and, oh, I guess I am not the only one late.”

          Everyone looks out by the door, lo and behold, a slim guy puts his hands together and bows at Ms. Aim. “Sorry, I’m late.” He smiles sheepishly as he bows again towards us.

          “No worries,” Ms. Aim says as she fixes her hair in a ponytail. Yes, worries! I am here early and here you are, both late, wasting my time when I could be back in my room sleeping. “Hmm, go sit to the last seat over there.”

          “Hi, I’m Win Metawin Opas-iamkajorn,” he exclaims as he casually sits next to me. That had to be the last one available. Well, great. Just great. He does not even stop smiling. “From what high school are you?”

          “Alright, now that we’re all here, why don’t you get to know your seatmates and then let’s have a quick introduction by pair later, okay?” Ms. Aim seems to be good at finding ways to kill her time.

          I was about to put my earphones back on when I felt Win’s hand stopping me. “You heard her. We should get to know each other or we’re going to suck when it’s our turn up there.”

          Frowning, I gave him a look that would hopefully signal him to back off. He does not seem to get it though. “Bright Vachirawit Chivaaree.”



          I switch my lamps on as I get back into my place. It just feels so good to be away from people. Away from the loud creature that is Win Metawin. This is home. Lying on my bed, I whip out my phone and check my Line.


fragile_capricorn: Hey, today went okay. Nothing feels better than first day in college, right?”


          My heart beats fast as I hear that ding on my phone. It has been a week and three days since we last talked mostly because we got busy with moving out and school preparation. But who’s counting, right?

MadRabbit: “I know. Mine kinda sucked as well.”


I have been chatting with this stranger since 7th grade and I only know that a) we are of the same age, and b) he is a boy. It started when we both commented on this Panic! At the Disco video on YouTube called Always. I remember him saying he randomly heard it from a friend’s playlist. We have been good friends ever since. I cannot count the number of times we lose hours of sleep as we endlessly talk about anything at all.

We pretty much get each other even if we have not officially met. I feel glad that even so we have not seen each other in person, I feel like we already know each other too well. He can even tell how sarcastic I was just now.

Life would be so much easier if he was my seatmate instead of Win Metawin. Oh, what a dream. I shut my lights as I try to ignore reality and wait to fall asleep.

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         Running late on my first day of school was never part of my plan. However, this house lizard kept crying as I was leaving my dorm room. Now here I am rushing to my class. So much for making a first impression.

          After trying to keep my spirits up with my getting-to-know-you partner, he shoots me glare that could kill me right there and then. What was that for? Crazy. I keep smiling at him. Kill people with kindness, they say.

          “Bright Vachirawit Chivaree,” he utters in a really cold and nonchalant way as he quickly pulls his arm back and put his earphones on. Alright. Whatever. I tried.


           After class, Bright rushes out of the room without along with everyone else. Busy bee, aren’t you?

           As I leave the room, I see a group of guys outside the room. “Ae, it’s Win, right?” The one in the middle with the shortest and barely combed hair asks.

          “Eum,” I nod at him.

          “I’m Khaotung, but just call me Khao,” he tells me as I eye him down, noticing the loop earrings he has on. “I’m not sure if you remember but we went on the same high school, I just transferred during senior year.” That explains it. I knew I saw him somewhere.

          “Oh, yeah,” I say with a smile.

          “This is Pluem,” he points at the guy wearing a blue green hoodie. His hair looks way different than that of Khao’s. Oh, it is styled kind of like the third guy. “And this is JJ,” he says as he wraps an arm over JJ’s shoulder. He has a gray jacket on that complements his eyes and his tan skin.

          “Nice to meet you.” It really is. Considering my grand entrance earlier, it is a blessing to have people talk to me at all. This is that darn house lizard’s fault.

          “Okay now let’s go grab lunch together,” Khao suggests. “I’m starving!”

          JJ recommended this nearby café place but we all agreed to eat at the canteen for lunch since we still have another class in an hour.



          “So, how’s Bright for a partner?” Pluem snickered and the rest of them try not to laugh as if they have this inside joke going on.

          “Congratulations, by the way,” JJ chimed in.

          “Uhm, he’s okay, I guess.” I try to shrug it off but by the looks on their faces, the topic is far from over. So I ask anyway. “Why?”

          “He’s a total introvert,” Pluem says.

          “He literally walks around with his guitar. I’m pretty sure he’s in a band or something,” I defend. I’m not sure why I felt the need to though.

          “Yeah, band of dorks next to him,” JJ laughs. “Look, I don’t even know how they are still friends with Bright when he is a total killjoy.”

          Khao then tells me how life sucked transferring into a new school with Bright in it. “All the girls are after her. And guess what? He keeps acting as if he does not give a—”

          “Damn, imagine all your high school life with him!” JJ exclaimed while Pluem shuts his eyes tight, showing how annoyed he was at the thought. “That’s what Pluem and I feel.”

          “I guess he is something…” my words trail off, and I try to start eating when—

          “Ao! I should say, your introduction was not that bad.”  Khao comments, “I’m sure you guys can get along well.” Though it sounded more like a question than a statement.

          Seriously,when will I ever get to eat. “It was okay,” I mumble quickly and ate a spoonful of the steamed rice. Yum. Finally.

          “Oi! I bet you can get close with him in no time,” JJ announced. And I almost choke on my food. What is it with these people?

          Khaotung grins and suggests, “right! I bet you a thousand baht.”

         “Deal!” My stupid mouth agrees even before I give the idea a thought. My poor ass better act well and win this bet.

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         It is week two of classes. Which means it has already been two weeks since this mad Win Metawin has been bothering me non-stop. I was just getting up from my seat when I feel him pulling my right hand. Why does he keep doing that?

         I have been doing this death glare at people my whole life. It makes me wonder why this never affects him. “What is it now?”

        “Uhm, well,” he mumbles. “I kinda noticed how you don’t have friends here so uhm, wanna watch a movie or something?”

        “You’re joking, right?” I snide as I leave the room. I can see Mike and Gun from a few rooms away. He is still following me from behind and so I add, “I have friends.” I call Mike over and hope that they get what I mean: that I badly need them to take me anywhere now more than ever. But then Gun is being crazy again and starts grabbing Mike and they walk farther away from me instead. What is up with them? Is this some sort of a prank? How much could they have paid this walking stick to mess with me.

         “Come on, it could be fun,” Win keeps pushing it. “See, I could be a really great friend to you. I’m funny. And you’re all dark and twisted but I’m sure deep inside, we are pretty much the same.”

         What is he even saying now? My mind wanders and next thing I know, I’m up on our building rooftop. When did we even get here?

         Win keeps talking. He just does not know when to shut up. He is now telling how he knows someone who would have loved it here. “You kind of remind me of him, so I figured that you would love this place as well.”

        I don’t answer him. Instead, I head over to the bench and take my guitar from its case. I start playing a random song and thought, maybe he is right. I guess we are not so different after all.

       “What?” I hear him ask.

       Ay shi-, did I say that out loud? Err. Stay cool. Play a song. Anything. And of course, my hands decide to forget just how to play the guitar. Perfect. I just sit there hugging my guitar close and wonder how MadRabbit’s day is and how the hell do I still have a chatmate called MadRabbit.

       I notice Win go silent now. He suddenly grins to himself. But whatever, I couldn’t care less. Ahh. Now this is bliss. This place would be perfect with a drink in hand. Or okay, a cigarette will do.

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          Everything is perfect so far. The mood was getting better. I should give myself a pat on the back for even managing to get this stone cold man up here. I grin at the thought. At this rate, I am almost sure I will be winning that bet in no time.

          I glance at Bright and realize how he looks so good. I have never looked at him this way, never saw the way his hair falls slightly over his brows, covering that little scar. I did not even notice that until now. I feel like if I stared any longer, I might actually ignore how he’s a total jerk and end up forgetting about my first love. Being next to him like this suddenly feels too unreal. 

         It only lasts for a minute or two though. Because I can now feel my face contort as I stare down at his every movement, from putting down his guitar, to placing a cigarette between his beauti- no wait, lips. Just his lips. “Wow, oh my God. This feels like that darn TFIOS moment. You sure know how to ruin things, Bright.”

          “Ruin things?” I can hear the annoyance in his voice. “Well, don’t hold your breath, Hazel Grace. Because I am most definitely lighting this one up.” And he does.

          I don’t know why but I suddenly find myself grabbing the stick and throwing it to the ground, stomping its light to death. I suddenly feel sick and so I quickly grab my bag and leave him. God, what was I even thinking just now.


         I wash my face and lie on my bed. It is only week two, Win. You’re doing okay. He barely smoked the thing. But then I remember how someone used to say ‘it’s just one stick.’

         I reach for my phone which was on my bedside table.


MadRabbit: Have I told you about my grandpa?

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            I nearly fall out of my bed as I read the latest message from MadRabbit. First of all, we have never really told each other anything about my family. Well, except maybe for that one time when I told him how I feel like my brother could be gay and he only replied with “55555”. Second, two hate hit on my smoking thing on the same day! What is this, some sort of no smoking campaign?

            Wait, what if…? The mere thought sends chills to my very core. Noooo, just no. Clearly, no. MadRabbit is too perfect, and Win, well, fuck Win.


          fragile_capricorn: Sorry to hear that.

          MadRabbit:  My dad was kind of a prick, I was sent to live with my grandparents. He was the closest thing I had for a father. Lung cancer’s a real bitch.

         fragile_capricorn: Well, that’s for you to say. I mean, my dad smokes like hell and he’s still running around, alive and kicking. 55555 I’m just saying, smoking could be not that bad for everyone.

         MadRabbit: Sure

         fragile_capricorn: If it helps, some dork cut me off earlier today by crushing my cigarette.


            I see the three dancing dots for a while and they make me anxious as the seconds go by. I wait patiently until he finally responds.


          MadRabbit:  Good for you. 😊


            What a way to end the day. A smiling emoji from him. All is well.



            I don’t see Win in class the next day. And when he is finally back, it feels as if he was not there at all. He just hangs out with those three losers from high school. This should not bother me at all. In fact, I should be thankful. No more loud and annoying Win Metawin!

            I walk out and see Gun and Mike. Gun invites me to go drinking tonight and I normally turn them down, but for some reasons, I said, “Sure.”

            “Okay, see you at L Co Hol later then,” Mike reminds me.

            Later that night, I find myself in the middle of our tiny crowd with a drink in hand. Zero hint of Win anywhere near me. I am free. Yet somehow, I feel like I am trapped more than ever. Like a patient in the hospital room, the IV trapping me down the same way that darn Win is not noticing me lately.

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          I feel determined in not speaking with Bright for a while. I don’t know. Maybe I just cannot stand the thought of him being the one. All these years, I have believed that fragile_capricorn is the one. And now I find out that he is no other than Bright Vachirawit! Oh and in the worst possible way. Fuck. There is not a single thing about him that is fragile at all. He is the absolute worst.

          I sigh as I sit next to him when I finally decide to attend classes. My plan is surely way easier said than done. The day feels excruciatingly long.

          Of course, I need something to make sure my mind is not making these all up since I have been seeing Bright a lot lately. Maybe I am just overthinking things. My head can be super imaginative at times.

          I leave the room as fast as I could and as if on cue, the happy tree friends pulls me aside, dragging me to their usual spot.

          “So how’s the bet going, Metawin?” Pluem casually asks as if it is something very normal.

          “Uhm,” I try to reason. “I think I should be quitting.”

          I can feel myself flinch as Khao drapes his left arm over me. “Ai, Win, this is a touch move kind of thing, you know.”

         “Why are you quitting anyway?” JJ adds, “Can’t handle your prey?”

        “No, I’m just quitting. That’s it.” Because if I don’t stop, then I will just get myself even more confused and messed up than I already am. I put my hands together as I meekly walk back, trying to get away from them, stepping something unfamiliar in the process.

        “Ao!” I looked behind me and I can tell there is an impending doom ahead of me when I realized I have stepped on Mike’s foot. I have never really had the chance to hang out with him nor with Gun. I just see them with Bright a few times. “P’, I’m sorry.” I keep apologizing, though Mike seems like he is not hurt at all. There is a questioning look on his face though. “Please tell me you heard nothing,” I plead.

        “I’m keeping my eyes on you, Metawin,” the firm man warns me.



         What happened in the canteen keeps replaying in my head. The way Mike is being protective over Bright. And the fear I felt when I realized that any time soon, he could be telling Bright about the damn bet.

         I keep shifting in my bed. “Ugh Saraleo!” How can he still bother me when I have already stopped hanging out with him. The beating in my heart suddenly starts going faster. Do not even go there, Win. Tell me this is not happening.

        But then again, I guess the heart knows what it wants. There is no hard evidence that Bright is my favorite online stranger in the world, but what I am sure of is how I will kill myself if things were to die this way.

        I send him a message and wait for the world to just open up and swallow me alive.


“I heard you’re playing tomorrow. See you.”

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          I never thought the day would come when a part of me says I am missing that troublemaker Win. Is he purposely avoiding me? Also, why do I feel like there is a hallow pit in my stomach, getting emptier as the days go by?

          It was only two weeks, Bright. How easy can I be? Two weeks and now I crave for him. I do not even feel like I am cheating on MadRabbit anymore. That I am sure of.

          I was just doing a final round of practice for the school fair event when my phone beeps. It is a message from Win. I do not have to check the mirror to see the widest smile ever plastered all over my face.



          There are pastel colored balloons all over the stage and I immediately regret deciding to perform today. Who the hell invented balloons in the first place? They are messy and they keep moving around. Plus, you can never tell when they choose to just pop and blow your mind. Too bad being a freshman has zero say against the music club secretary, P’Air. Girls.

          I step up on the stage, trying to avoid the balloons with each of my step. I look around as I was trying to connect my guitar with the sound system when I finally find what I was looking for. Win stands next to some of our classmates.

          Win is wearing his uniform  but somehow I find him extra handsome today. He looks silenced, as if he is not being his usual loud and annoying self. He reminds me of a balloon that have just exploded, lifeless and broken apart.

          My thoughts come to a halt when P’Guy is up on the center of the stage, welcoming the crowd that have joined our event. He then starts introducing me to the audience. “Only a few of you probably know him since he’s only a freshman, and I must say, my convincing powers work well because he agreed to perform almost instantly the moment I asked him to,” he proudly announces. “For the first time ever, Bright Vachirawit!”

          I shake my head in denial. The girls scream their lungs out and this, this is why I hate the idea of performing like this. I start playing one of my favorite songs from Panic! At the Disco. I remind myself once again the very reason why I am doing this: Win. Oh how I hope to God he was worth it.


Back to the streets where we began
Feeling as good as lovers can, you know
Well, now we're feeling so good


          I send a quick nod at his direction, and he nods back as if we had this secret code between us. I finally see that familiar smile on his face. I am so glad it is working. He finally notices me again. Damn it, did he just pull a Pavlov on me? Oh well, here goes nothing. Anything for him to be back.



          Everything seems to be okay now. I guess. Because now we are together, his hands in his pocket, while I carry my instrument as we head over to find a vacant seat somewhere.

          No one says a word but yes, we are okay. When suddenly, a coy girl approaches me with a balloon in her hand. She reaches out and tries to hand it over to me when I hear Win says “I’ll take this, thanks!” The girl, obviously annoyed, ran away as fast as she could away from us. I frown but not that I am complaining or anything, I was just wondering.

          “That was for me,” I tell him.

          “Well, you hate balloons—” and Win pauses. I shoot him another questioning look as I get even more curious. “Uhm, I noticed you on stage trying to get away from the balloon most of the time.I sorta wish you fell over, by the way.” Now I am definitely sure we’re okay.

          I mutter, “Whatever.”

          Win clears his throat and asks me what song that I played just now. Change topic, much? “I was surprised you could play something so fun.”

          “I could play anything by Panic! at the Disco,” I scoff at him.

          His eyes squint at me when he asks, “Panic at the where?”

          I let out an annoyed sigh because why is he even doing this. “Panic! At the Disco. My favorite band from the US. Got it?” He nods slightly and so I just ramble on and on about the band.

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          I am furthermore determined to dig deeper and find out more on Bright. Perfect, now that I am in his place, I could easily make him go to his bathroom and then I can check his phone or something.

          Looking around, I gulp at the image of his place that seems like a haunted Mansion more than a college man's room.

          I should be focused with today’s plan, yet here I find myself smiling as I observe how Bright is enjoying as he play one panic song to another. He sure loves this band. “Alright now this, this one is the last thing Ryan wrote with them.” Nearly Witches. I can tell. I can never forget one the best lines ever written: ‘As a girl, you have set your heart on haunting me forever from the start. It's never silent.

            I try to stay composed as I listen to Bright’s deep voice singing the song’s chorus.


Ever since we met, I only shoot up with your perfume.

It's the only thing that makes me feel as good as you do.

Ever since we met, I've got just one regret to live through.

And that one regret is you.


          I can feel his eyes laser into mine and for some reasons, I can feel the tiny hairs on my nape just stand. I knew if I did not say something, this is not going to end well. “Well, that is one hell of a line,” I try to laugh it off, smacking his shoulder playfully in the process.

          His brows knit together at my comment. “You are missing half of your life for not knowing this band, I’m telling you.” He gets up from the edge of his bed and puts his guitar aside. “I am taking a quick shower. You better not leave. You’re still buying me dinner for being a total dick lately.”

          “Okay, go on now,” I reassure him. I peek over and wait until I hear the door click. I make sure he has started taking a bath before reaching for his phone that was lying on his bed.
          “Ai shi,” I groan to myself as I realize how dumb I was to think things were this easy. Of course, he has a password. And it is definitely not 12345678.

          I try again with 00000000. Wrong.

          H-a-n-d-s-o-m-e? Wrong.

          I think of other things. Hmm. PanicATD?

          My eyes widen as I read the warning on his phone screen, “You have failed 4 times. This system will be locked after one more trial.”

          “b-r-i-t-e-1-2-7,” I hear a helpful voice from behind me.

          “Thanks, man,” I thank him cheerfully, typing each and every letter and just freeze midway. “Ay shiiiia! When did you even finish?”

          Bright grabs the phone from my now lifeless hands, “If you wanted to check me out, all you had to do was ask me.”

          “What, no, I gotta go!” I hurry and grab my back as I ran outside. I stand on the other side of his door feeling my blood rush over to my cheeks in embarrassment.

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          Apparently, I could not hide anything from Win now. I feel like I’m about to burst. I approach him slowly from behind and I smirk as tell him my password. I have nothing to hide anyway.

          He freezes at my words and I snatch my phone from his cold hands. “If you wanted to check me out, all you had to do was ask me.”

          Win's cheeks turn pink as he runs out of my place which ironically reminds me of a mad rabbit. He is too cute to ignore.

          As I was about to light up a cigarette, I recall the look on Win’s face that day on the rooftop. Something I never want him to look or feel ever again. So I grab my guitar instead. He starts playing a tune and hums along. Well this is new.

          This is why I smoke in the first place. When I’m alone, whether I’m sad, happy, or just plain bored, I light up a stick and it just somehow calms me down. It lifts me up in cloud nine. My sweet escape from reality.

        Today is entirely different though. Because I feel all these without having a cigarette. Well, except for the escape part. Clearly, that’s something I don’t plan on doing anytime soon anymore.



          I was too preoccupied to message the MadRabbit last night. I don’t have to.

          Just before taking a shower, I call Win up. “Ai dork, you owe me for messing with my phone.”

          I hear Win scoff.  “I didn’t even get to see a single thing!”

          “But still, you were thinking about it.” I snicker. “Come to my place and bring me breakfast.” 

          Messing with him is just so much fun. Also, I get to make him come over my place and stuff. I may have been enjoying this too much.

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          I was just about to take a ride home when my phone rings. What does he want this early on a Saturday? My parents are going to kill me for getting home late. When I answer him, he almost immediately orders me to get him breakfast. “Come to my place and bring me breakfast.” 

          How can he act all awkward and dark in public but is the exact opposite when it’s just us two? I like him better when we are alone. It’s like he is being his true self that way. God, this is not helping at all. I cannot help loving the fact I am happier when he is around. Though deep inside, I am still pretty bummed with the whole Bright possibly being the fragile_capricorn.

          I can never get him. What does he even mean, fragile Capricorn?



          When I get to his place, my phone rings as if on cue. “Hey, open up. The food’s getting cold,” I say, sandwiching the phone between my right ear and shoulder. How clingy.

          This is the time. This is the moment. Operation Plan B should work this time around.

          I place the KFC take out on Bright’s dining table. As he grabs some plates, I quickly send a pre-composed message to fragile_capricorn.

          Sure enough, his phone lights up and buzzes. Well, shit.

          I know I should be frustrated. Somehow, a part of me feels relieved. Mostly because a part of me also thought I could be chatting some pedophile for the past few years, and my heart is at ease knowing it is Bright.

          “Uhm, Ai Bright,” I keep calling for him to come over and see the look on his face. “I think you have an important message.”

          He slides back and settles beside me. Bright checks his phone screen and he does not even read the message, he just says, “Oh, it’s just Gun.”

          I am certainly sure it is not, because the look on Bright’s face is obviously excited, what with the wide grin pasted all over his smug little face. My little detective moment is cut off when he faces me, and I move back reflexively. “Ae, Bright!”

          He keeps moving closer and I can feel his warm breath just an inch against my face. “I’m just returning this,” he whispers as he places his phone somewhere behind me, his eyes never leaving mine. “I am this close to kissing you, Win.”

          The moment of relief from only minutes ago now turn into anxiety and nervousness. What is he even saying now? I wanted to say how it was not even there in the first blace, but my mouth decided to betray me once again. “S-sure.”

          I am not used to this feeling. I have always thought I would be the one to make the first move. Yet now, the feeling of his face inching closer to mine is painfully delicious. I don’t think I can take in any more of the sight that is Bright Vachirawit’s about to kiss me, and so I shut my eyes and let him.

          He does not say any other word. Instead, he places his lips tenderly against mine and I swear my brain cells start dancing fancy pirouettes all over my head.

          This must be why people close their eyes when they kiss. The image of your partner plus his scent is devil’s poison. And right now, I just got intoxicated with the most perfect mix.

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          It has been exactly a week since I kissed Win. I remember the sweet little flavor on his lips. Seven long days since I have tasted them. Craving them would be an understatement, especially when he sits next to me in class, acting like it never even happen.

          Sure, we hang out a lot now. Last Wednesday, we even went to L Co Hol with his friends and mine since we had no exams the day after. But then, that is it! I did not even get that chance to bring him back to his place (or mine, I don’t really mind either way) because his friend JJ was drunk as fuck and they were busy taking care of him.

          My favorite band plays on my speaker and the song Hurricane starts playing.


I led the revolution in my bedroom
And I set all the zippers free
We said, "No more war, no more clothes, give me peace
Oh, kiss me"


          Exactly a week ago, I sit on the same spot on my couch as where I am right now. The song is too sensual for me not to recall how intimate we were last time. I lie on my back as I replay those moments in my head, my hand slowly reaching down my boxers. I wonder how to summon him over again, what excuse I should be using this time, when I hear a knock on my door. “Bright?”

          Speak of the devil. “Door’s open,” I smirk.

          Win walks in and screams his lungs out the moment he lays his eyes on me, dropping the cup of Americano from his hands. He turns his back against me. “AI BRIIIIGHT!”

          His voice is now powering over Brendon Urie’s. “What?” I ask casually.

          Win slightly turns to me and quickly goes back to facing the wall when he realizes my left hand is still down my boxers. “Shiiiii! You said the door was open!” He blindly throws a pillow at me, which ends up hitting the floor.

          “Because it is open.”

          “Stop being sarcastic, you perv!” Win remains frozen in his spot. “And take out your hand from there!”

          I let out a low laugh as I sit up, “Win, we both know my cock is not going to help itself. And don’t even think of leaving me hanging now that you’re here.”

          I notice how his voice cracks as he asks me, tension heavy on his voice, “What do you want me to do?”

          “Touch me,” I demand.

          “Are you serious?” He asks, worry all over his face.

          The prolonged agony is killing me and I have had enough. I rise and march up to him, grabbing him by his shoulders to face me. I place my hands on either side of his face, and pull him in for a desperate kiss.

          I have now completely forgotten how my hand was just holding my cock just now. Well, when you’re making out with a hungry bunny, who doesn’t?

Chapter Text


fragile_capricorn: I think I may have just met someone cooler than you.


          I am almost sure I have read his latest line message more than a hundred times already.

          I have just arrived in my dorm when I got the message. Mom had called me up asking what time I would be getting home. Guiltily, I told her that I had some catching up to do with homework and stuff. I am definitely going to hell.

          But I guess if Bright is the reason, I don’t mind that much at all.



          Butterflies in my tummy would be an understatement. It’s more like a zoo of animals rattling their cages as Bright enjoys playing with his guitar. We are on our spot of the rooftop and everything just feels beautiful.

          He looks up and smiles at me every now and then. I find it hard to tell how this is the same Bright that I saw wanking off last Saturday. The crazy pervert who wanted me to touch him. The same damn smile of those luscious lips that have been wrapped around my—

          “What do you want me to play next?” Bright’s voice awaken me from my daydream.

          “Oh, uhm, anything,” I shrug. Because really, I don’t care as long as we are together here.

          “Okay, how about,” his words gets cut off by the ringing of his phone. “Oh, wait a sec, it’s Mike”

          I nod and he takes a few steps away from me and there is an immediate hollowing in my stomach as I hear the name Mike. I am suddenly reminded of the stupid bet I made with the guys. Why did it have to be this way?

          The feeling of impending doom is overwhelming. It’s as if we are bound to end before we even have officially begun.

          “Hey, the guys are going at L Co Hol,” Bright shares. “Mike said your friends are going as well.”

          “Sure,” I sigh.

Chapter Text


            When Win and I finally arrive L Co Hol, it was not so hard to find our table. Mike had his arm over Gun’s shoulder who was in the middle of probably one of his funny stories. Win’s friends are there laughing along. By the looks of it, they must have already had a couple bottles of beer.

            We walk over to our seats. “So what are we celebrating?” Win innocently asks. “Wait, is it your birthday?” Win questions me.

            I shake my head lightly because I am very sure my friends do not need any reason to be coming over and get themselves drunk. “We are celebrating life, my friend,” Mike winks at Win. Yes, he is my friend, but at that moment, I just wanted him to disappear.

            We have one bottle after the other. Next thing I know, we are all over the place. I am nowhere near tipsy but Win sure is because as far as I remember, this is not the way billiards is played. His body is sprawled over the pool table, arms wide open and screaming, “Ae Bright, you’ll never goal! I am finally winning this round!”

            He looks determined now. Well, sort of. Win had previously lost to me over a simple rock, paper, scissors game. After which, he ran to the game machine on the corner of the bar saying he’d win that game or sure. He did not.

            “Come here,” I put down the cue stick and help pull Win up. “Let’s get you sobered up.” I lead him back to our table and let him drink a glass of water.

            Half an hour and four restroom trips later and Win is somehow better. “I am never drinking with you again,” he chuckles.

            “December 27,” I tell Win.

            “What?” Win looks confused, his hair quite disheveled.

            I fix the dark hair and brush them off his face. “My birthday.”


            “My Capricorn friend here is very ambitious,” Gun boasts. “And he is ready to give up a lot in order to achieve his goals.”

            Mike leans in closer to Win, “This night is far from over.” I notice him flinch lightly and I grab Mike away from him.

            “Stop it, I’m doing it already,” I say as I grab my guitar. I am sure he is only messing with Win because they have been dying for me to sing onstage.

            It is a crazy night, I must say. I have only had a few shots of beer and already, I am in the middle of the bar’s mini platform. Gun and Mike have always asked me to perform but tonight, I finally give in. “Uhm, hi, I’m Bright and this song is for you.”

            I focus my eyes at Win as I sing Northern Downpour, never looking away even as I was about to end my song.


Hey, Moon, please forget to fall down

You are at the top of my lungs

 Drawn to the ones who never yawn


            I wanted him to hear the last part the most. But then I see him get up and Mike follows just seconds later. I am swarmed by a couple of girls before I finally get to the entrance of the restroom when I hear them talking.

            Mike had Win against the wall, not touching him at all. But why does Win look this scared? What is this about? Curiosity kills the cat, I should know that by heart. But I decided to stay back and just listen in as much as I wanted to punch Mike in the face.

            “Look, whatever effed up betting game you and your friends are up to, stop it right now.” Mike utters in a low voice. “I’ve known him for too long and he’s nothing but genuine. He has never invested this much into someone.”

            Win does not say anything.

            “At least not someone imaginary like that fucking crazy or mad bunny shit,” Mike adds. Win looks like he was about to say something.

            I wanted nothing but to leave. I should leave, right? Pretend like nothing ever happened. Everything can still be okay, right?

            But of course, my footsteps are faster than his brain. Instead of being chill, I find myself acting the exact opposite and just stepping right in between Mike and Win, smacking my shoulder against Win’s in the process.

            I rush and head out the back exit and the rain feels cold against me skin. But it sure is nothing compared to how I was played by Win Metawin.

Chapter Text

          I remember him telling my just when we started chatting on Line how he loved this song. He explains how a particular line struck the band members, but how it was not his favorite at all. He made me listen to it and focus to the last couple of lines, how those lines were meant for me.

          Anger and disgust swamps my heart as he was drawing towards the end of the song and I could not help but leave.

          I guess Mike meant what he have said earlier, because he now has me against a wall, warning me. “It did start as a bet, but I swear, that’s over now. It’s different now.” I ask him to trust me. But his eyes are vexed as he says how genuine Bright was.

          I was just about to let out the fact that I was MadRabbit, the very same person Bright has been chatting all this years, when Bright comes our way, leaving me static on my spot.

          Mike tries to stop my but I let go of his grip and chase Bright. Of course, it’s raining! Fate just knows how to make shit worse. “Ai, Bright!”

          I run as fast as I can, but he is way faster. I am gasping for air and dying in the rain, and he, he is gone in no time. I try calling his number but to no avail.



          This is all my fault. I should not have said yes to that stupid bet. I should have seen this coming. Why am I still in tears when I knew this was bound to happen?

          After what felt like centuries in the bathroom, I groan and just lay dead on my bed. I wanted to just forget everything and vanish forever. We are over.

          My phone starts buzzing non-stop and I should not care, I bet it’s just Khaotung looking for me, bugging me for leaving them behind. Nevertheless, I reach for my phone anyway.

          I read the messages on Line…from him. Endless messages of rant.


                  fragile_capricorn: Fuck

                  fragile_capricorn: Fuck

                  fragile_capricorn: Fuck

                  fragile_capricorn: Everything is fucked

                  fragile_capricorn: I take back what I said. No one is cooler than you, you naïve rabbit

                  fragile_capricorn: Fuck

                  fragile_capricorn: I just hate everything

                  fragile_capricorn: I guess I never deserve shit.

                  fragile_capricorn: Oh and by the way, I played on stage. I swear that is the last time

                  fragile_capricorn: Fuck


          I finally understand everything. His birthday. I get it now. As I keep seeing his username, the meaning sinks even deeper into me. Bright was fragile after all. And I, I have broken him even more.

          I cannot stop the tears from falling. I cannot even reply. How could I when my guilt is just dying to rip myself apart.

Chapter Text

            I have vowed to never use my Mom’s name to get things done. Desperate times definitely call for desperate measures. I have managed to asked her to help me transfer to Mike and Gun’s class. My new professor does not even bother to ask for the reason. The thought of having a big bouquet of thanks was good enough for her, I guess.

            I out another X on the calendar as I count the days until our mid-semester break. Time is slow without him. Not even as the friend I have known and learned to love for years. But I shrug the thought away because as good as it felt, it still fucking sucked being played by the very person I trusted the most.

            Mike on the other hand annoyed me for days before I gave in. Was I mad? Hell, yeah. We talked it out eventually. He has explained how he overheard Win talking with his friends about the fucking bet. He said he wanted Win to tell me himself to be fair. “I did not expect you to hear us that way,” I remember him telling me.

            After class, I ask the guys to go drinking again.

            “Ai shii, Bright, we had drink last night at Mike’s place!” Gun complains.

            Mike laughs, “I’m gonna die young at this rate, man. Move on already!”

            “Says the man who lied to me all this time,” I joked. Ha. I guess I’m a little better now?

            As we head out of the room, I notice a familiar figure. Win. He is with his dumb set of friends and I am instantly reminded of how shitty they were. And so I just pass them by, ignoring the hesitant wave from Win.

            Not better at all.


Chapter Text

           These past few days, I may have texted Mike and Gun more than the number of times I have texted my mother my whole life. I keep bugging them to help me out.

            I know I did wrong and I should do something about it. And if Bright was not talking to me, I head to reach him via his friends. My shameless ass just has to. Anything just to make up with Bright.

            As the break goes nearer, I get even more impatient. A thread of sleepless nights just thinking of what I should say to him. I still cannot bring myself to talk to him, even as my nom de plume.

           I hate how he has managed to switch classes. I hate him and his rich ass for being able to do so. Things would have been way easier if we were together in the same class, I could’ve managed to work things out by now.

           I keep passing by his class and today, I finally get to see him come out. Seeing him this way is like having a splinter against my heart. I raise my hand hesitantly, hoping to God he’d wave back, or at least look at me.

           He doesn’t.



           The wait is agonizing. I remember this quote I have shared him online after reading Paulo Coelho’s By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept.


“Waiting is painful.

Forgetting is painful .

But not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering.”


           I never thought that this day would come, that the quote I carelessly told him is now painfully killing me. It has been weeks and by now, I am so close to forgetting.

Chapter Text

          On the last day before the break, all Bright wanted to anything but this: Gun and Mike dragging somewhere blindfolded. “What the hell are you doing!?”

          “Chill out, man,” Gun says reassuringly, though Bright is nowhere near assured. “You know we would never do anything to hurt you.”

          “He’s right,” Mike adds with a laugh.

          Bright does not even need to take his blindfold off to know that he was on the rooftop of their building. He could tell by the way the winds were rushing against his skin, the same way they usually did whenever he was up there with Win.

          Gun then removes his blindfold. “You can thank us later,” he says, slipping a small square sachet in Bright’s pocket before grabbing Mike’s arm towards the exit. Asshole.

          Bright was about to go after them when he heard someone playing the guitar. He sees Win from a couple of feet away, awkwardly strumming to the tune of Always.

          Win have been practicing this on a newly bought guitar for weeks. He has never done something like this and so his heart beats a thousand times faster than it usually does.


When the world gets too heavy
Put it on my back, I'll be your levy
You are taking me apart
Like bad glue
On a get well card


            He almost forgets the lyrics as he notices Bright moving closer to him. His voice even cracks a little towards the end. “Sorry, I tried.”

            It takes every muscle to stop Bright from kissing Win. “You crazy dork,” he quips as he takes the guitar and put it aside. “I missed you,” he adds before pulling Win in a tight hug.

            Win could not help himself as tears trail down his cheeks. “I’m sorry for everything. I was stupid. I fucked up. I’m sorry. The bet, I did not mean, oh my God, Bright,” Win rambles on.

            “Win, stop it. It’s okay,” Bright reassures the other man. “I am just glad I finally meet you, MadRabbit,” he adds, emphasizing the last word.

            Win feels taken aback by Bright’s words. He pulls away from the hug, “What did you just say?”

            “Mad. Rabbit,” Bright smirks and once again inches closer to Win.

            Win takes a few steps back until he hits the bench and ends up sitting on it. “You knew? Since when?”

            “I have known for a while now,” Bright confessed, grinning as he casually sits next to a completely puzzled Win. “Even before I found out about your little bet.”

            “B-but, that night, you were still chatting me and ranting on our Line!” Win’s face contorts as he tries to piece the puzzles together.

            “Well…” Bright sits back, stretching his legs, one foot over the other. “That night, I badly needed a friend.”

           Win looks at Bright worriedly. But the other boy smiles at him, that smile he has been longing to see for weeks now. And so he smiles back at him.

          The past weeks had been nothing but hell for both of them. But here they are, on the last minutes before their long break, spending every second with each other.

          Bright thought how maybe, maybe he was the moon and that Win is the sun. The odds of us staying together is quite a toll. This may or may not end well, nobody knows.

          We could be end game, Win thought. Or we could end each other way before we finish the rest of the school year. But I’d like to take my chances.