Actions

Work Header

El Tango de Sexual Tension

Work Text:

It is, at least, better than the teapot recital.

Jeff, Annie, Shirley, Abed, and Pierce sit in the third row, all busting out their own respective expressions of shock, awe, and slight fear. Except for Abed, who's pretty unflappable.

"Interesting," he muses.

On the stage, Britta and Troy are locked in a tango. The premise holds great potential for hilarity. But in reality, there's not a whole lot that's funny. They're both really good. And, honestly, kind of ... well, kind of ...

"Sexy," Jeff says dully. "For some reason, this is--"

"Sexy," Pierce says, with a great deal more zest. And some pervy old man chuckles.

"I feel like I'm watching Twilight," Shirley marvels. From between her fingers, like watching the display head on will result in corneal damage.

"Except," Jeff says, "those kids are outsexied by pita bread. But this -- this is--"

Troy dips Britta back in a fierce, sudden movement. Their gazes burn bright into each other. Everyone gasps. Time seems to stand still.

"I feel like they're going to start making out any second," Jeff says, transfixed.

"Would it be so wrong?" Annie ponders faintly.

"Maybe," Abed says wisely, "it'd be so wrong it's right."

"Abed, that's your man up there!" Shirley chastises. "Shouldn't you go -- go claim what's yours?"

"I trust him," Abed says simply.

"I wouldn't," Shirley grumbles with a significant stageward glance.

"Guys," Jeff says in his best Group Dad Voice. "This is ridiculous. There's no way there's anything going on between Britta and Troy. Let me say it again for you: Britta and Troy."

"Yeah! That'd be as crazy as Jeff and Annie," Shirley says.

Then everyone remembers how that went.

"Oh," Shirley says weakly. Jeff and Annie very carefully scoot as far apart from each other as possible. There may have been some slight arm rest sharing going on prior to Shirley's little remark.

"Please!" Pierce snorts. "It's not like Jeff and Annie at all. You know why? Jeff and Annie aren't lesbians. There's no way Britta'd give him the time of day. Unless -- Quick. Ay-bed. This is important: is Troy a woman?"

"No," Abed says.

"There," Pierce says, crossing his arms smugly. "Problem solved."

"Not," Jeff says, "even a little bit."

"What's this going to do to the group dynamic??" Annie frets. Onstage, Britta and Troy look like they're about two seconds from licking each other's faces off.

"Hey! SHHHHH. You're ruining the show!" declares the menace sitting in front of them in a grumpy whisper.

"Shut up, Leonard," Jeff scowls. "You're fooling no one."


+


"Why are you guys looking at us so weird?" Britta asks after the show.

"Yeah, what's up?" Troy says. "You can't get on my case! The professor made all the dudes wear those tights."

"No, she didn't," Britta says, grinning.

"No, she didn't," Troy admits merrily.

"See, he's gay as a basket of puppies," Pierce says, with great satisfaction. "You all have got nothing to worry about!"

"What's gay about puppies?" Troy demands, sullen.

"Worry about what?" Britta says suspiciously.

"Nothing," Annie says.

"Nothing," Jeff says.

"Nothing!" Shirley trills.

"Oookay. Come on, then," Britta says. "We're all still on for dinner, right? Let's get out of here." She loops her arm absently through Troy's.

"Eeep!" says Shirley.

Britta and Troy frown at her, confused.

"Nothing," she mumbles.