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Absolute Pleasure

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It’s Raj’s idea. Of course it’s Raj’s idea; he can’t wait to dress like Frank-N-Furter. Of course Sheldon says no, but Leonard coaxes him into agreeing. He reminds Sheldon that Raj has been feeling lonely since Howard’s engagement. He reminds Sheldon there will be costumes and prizes involved. Sheldon loves to dress up and he loves to win.

They are going to a midnight showing of the Rocky Horror Picture Show and they have every intention of taking home the best group costume trophy.

Sheldon is going as Brad and his costume consists of Sheldon changing his shirt and adding a pair of Leonard’s old glasses with the lens popped out. Amy Farrah Fowler will be making the similar transformation of taking off her glasses and wearing a hat to become Janet. Leonard will be Dr. Scott courtesy of a rented wheel chair and one of his own suits. Their crew has the square characters down to a science.

Howard and Bernadette are going all out as Riff Raff and Magenta and Leonard is resolutely trying notto think about Bernadette in a French maid costume. He has no interest in imagining her curvaceous figure straining the material of a maid’s uniform...

Leonard slaps himself. Bernadette is engaged to one of his best friends and Leonard is very happily involved with Sheldon.


Raj is currently at Penny’s getting ‘help’ with his make-up, as though he doesn’t already know his way around a vanity. Penny and Raj have been getting friendlier since Raj began speaking in front of her. Leonard wonders if Raj is going to make a move on Penny while they do each other’s hair and make-up. Based on Leonard’s sexual experience with Penny, it doesn’t seem like a terrible idea. He had always been too ‘vanilla’ for Penny’s tastes. Maybe Raj is just what she needs, a bit of a mocha swirl.

Leonard doesn’t have to worry about being boring in bed with Sheldon. Exchanging saliva is still ‘kinky’ by Sheldon’s standards.

Leonard is startled out of his musings by a call from Howard.

“Bernadette sprained her ankle. We’re at the ER.”

“How did she sprain her ankle?” Leonard asks, although he can guess.

“She was fleeing the lab. There was a little accident...”

It is Sheldon who comes up with the new plan. Bernadette will be Dr. Scott and use the wheelchair and Leonard will go as Magenta. It’s only logical and Sheldon wants first place with a passion bordering on madness. While he disapproves of every hippyish sentiment expressed in the film, he is adamant about being true to the characters and insists that Magenta is too ‘iconic’ to be left out of the group. Ultimately, it doesn’t seem like a huge deal to Leonard. He’ll be dressed as a woman but Raj (and most of the other men in attendance) will be wearing next to nothing. No one will give him a second glance.


“Keep your eyes on Raj’s finger.”

Leonard stares at Raj’s finger and tries to ignore the giant blur of a mascara wand coming straight at his eyeball. He can’t help himself; he flinches and the wand hits his forehead.

Raj and Sheldon hold him down on the bed while Amy keeps his head still and Penny applies the rest of the eye makeup. He can’t fathom how women subject themselves to this kind of torture on a daily basis. They won’t let him look at himself until he puts on the wig and heels.

The transformation is remarkable.

And more than a little disturbing.

His face is ghostly white, his eyes outlined in layers of kohl and his lips are blood red. Penny covered his eyebrows in white makeup and drew on thinner, more ladylike brows. The long red curls of his wig soften his jaw and there is nothing familiar about the face in the mirror except for his glasses.

Sheldon stands over his shoulder and they make eye contact in the glass. Leonard can’t quite identify the look on his face before Sheldon says, “Magenta doesn’t wear glasses.”


Amy assists Bernadette in ‘strapping down’ her ‘ample bosom’. Sheldon finds the effect of Bernadette with her hair slicked back and in Leonard’s suit... disturbing. Far more disturbing is the sight of Leonard in Bernadette’s costume. It’s Raj who suggests using tape to give Leonard some cleavage. Sheldon had been dubious but he has to admit the effect is very realistic. There is a swell of flesh above the padded lacy bra that looks very like an actual breast.

“So, Raj,” Penny asks as she stares at her ex-boyfriend’s breasts, “You wanna tell us why you know this little trick?”

Raj caresses Leonard’s chest and declares that they feel real. Leonard bats Raj’s hands away in irritation before he agrees that they feel ‘pretty damn awesome’. He offers Sheldon a feel but his roommate demurs while Penny jumps in for a squeeze. Watching Penny caressing Leonard’s mock chest adds to Sheldon’s feeling of confusion.

Zach is the last to arrive. He’s dressed in tiny gold shorts but he isn’t yet wearing the blond wig that completes his Rocky costume. He says he didn’t want to look like a weirdo on the bus.

Barry Kripke/Eddie meets them at the theater. His head wound is sufficiently authentic enough to make Sheldon queasy. He avoids looking at Kripke and finds himself staring at Leonard/Magenta. Leonard is awkward in his heels but his legs look long and shapely in the dark tights. Every time Leonard shifts his weight, his dress moves lightly over his thighs and Sheldon is finding it difficult not to stare.

All around him are men and women in varying states of undress (apparently pasties are considered a costume at this venue) but he is transfixed by Leonard. It strikes Sheldon as a downright anti-evolutionary response.


Penny and Amy flank Leonard and keep him on his feet as he walks down the theater aisle. Penny keeps squeezing his fake breasts and giggling. She and Raj must have been hitting the bottle together. Raj can not only walk in his high heels; he can strut. Leonard catches himself watching Raj’s swinging hips. Sheldon is right about this movie. Nothing good can come of being open and free with your sexuality. There is something very wrong with wanting to look at Raj’s ass.

Leonard is carefully not staring at Penny in her Columbia costume while she freely grabs Leonard’s ‘boobs’ and giggles. He remembers when Penny used to wear more revealing outfits just to hang out and eat pizza. Sometimes he misses those days. Once, Leonard suggested Sheldon try just wearing a tee-shirt without the long-sleeved shirt underneath and he earned a strike for being ‘ridiculous’. Later that night, Leonard went down on Sheldon and gave him the slowest and most thorough blow job he could manage. His jaw hurt like hell but Sheldon had been a puddle of goo afterwards. Leonard took the opportunity to ask that his strike be removed. Sheldon gave him a second strike for attempting to use sex to get away with bad behavior.

He’s grateful when he finally sits down and takes his weight off his battered toes. He casts an envious look at Bernadette in what should have been his wheelchair. She’s already asleep and Howard is trying to keep her head from flopping forward. The pain meds seem to be working.

Penny claps as soon as the lights go down and grabs Leonard and Raj’s hands in excitement. Leonard has been watching the movie with Sheldon, learning the audience lines and examining every detail of the costumes, for weeks now. The draw of the movie itself eludes him but he is a nerd at heart and loves things such as yelling in unison, being in costume and having props.


Sheldon watches as Penny gives an exaggerated yawn and drapes her arm around Leonard, her hand on his not quite ample bosom. Leonard removes her arm and scoots closer to Sheldon, giving him a look that apparently means, ‘Women are tiresome.’

Sheldon stares straight ahead at the screen as he places his hand on Leonard’s knee. If Leonard removes the hand, Sheldon won’t try again.

A pair of disembodied lips fills the screen and the audience goes wild.

Sheldon leaves his hand on Leonard’s knee through the wedding scene and neither of them misses a cue. Howard is yelling out spontaneous comments that are greeted with laughter. Sheldon dislikes breaking from the script but Howard is the ‘funny one’; he’s only fulfilling his role in the group.

The group has gotten larger recently. Penny used to be ‘the girl’, now she’s the muscle. Amy thinks she is the brains but she’s actually the wild card. Bernadette is the cute one and Leonard...

Leonard is the romantic lead.

Sheldon moves his hand a little above Leonard’s knee so he is holding a stocking covered thigh. It’s a new experience for him. He rubs his thumb along the nylon, and wonders how it would feel if Leonard had shaved his legs. The thought makes him a little light-headed but he doesn’t remove his hand.

Sheldon uses one hand to hold the newspaper over his head while he sings, his other hand still firmly planted on Leonard’s thigh. It’s hard to tell if Leonard is aroused. His normally expressive face is covered in make-up. Normally, his lips would look a little redder and plumper, his cheeks would flush and his eyes would dilate and Sheldon would know his partner was becoming sexually excited. Currently lipstick, rogue and eyeliner are giving Leonard the appearance of being aroused while concealing his actual physiological responses.

The tights and the folds of his skirt conceal the most obvious indicator of sexual arousal.

Sheldon moves his hand farther up Leonard’s thigh, slipping his fingers under the skirt until he feels the top of the stocking and, of course, the garter belt. Leonard had tried to fight the stockings but Sheldon insisted on authenticity and Raj assured Leonard he would prefer thigh high stockings to actually having his genitalia encased in nylon. The phrase ‘sweaty balls’ figured largely in the discussion, much to Sheldon’s distress.

Sheldon strokes the bare skin just above the stocking and Leonard closes his eyes and opens his mouth slightly. Sheldon has managed to catalog many of Leonard’s facial expressions and he knows what that look means. That look means ‘more’.

Sheldon glances to the left and the right. Penny, Amy and Raj are riveted by the film. Kripke and Zach are pointing out nearly naked women in the audience. Howard is taking care of Bernadette. No one is looking at him, not even Leonard.

He moves his hand all the way under Leonard’s skirt, sliding his pinky over until it brushes against Leonard’s panties.

Briefs, not panties. Leonard is wearing briefs rather than his usual boxers. He said it was to keep his ’junk in place.’

There is no questioning his degree of arousal. Leonard’s erection is straining against the briefs and his knuckles are turning white as he grips the armrests but he manages to keep his face almost neutral.

On the big screen, Riff Raff opens the door for Brad and Janet.

Sheldon moves his hand further up, spreading Leonard’s thighs carefully so they don’t draw the attention of Penny, and cups Leonard’s arousal in his hand. As he gently squeezes, he can feel his roommate throbbing in his hand through the layer of cotton.

Sheldon doesn’t want to stop, he wants to stroke Leonard through his panties until he throws his head back and moans in pleasure. Would anyone even notice in this den of hedonism?

He gives Leonard a few strokes and watches from the corner of his eye as the smaller man tries to keep his composure. He’s biting his painted lower lip and it reminds Sheldon of the opening to the film. He wants those lips on his body. He wants Magenta’s mouth pleasuring him.

Unfortunately, he has to let Leonard go so they can both stand up. It’s time to do the time warp.


Leonard is trying to remember the steps to the time warp while Sheldon is cupping his ass under his maid’s uniform. Sheldon doesn’t like public displays of affection; the man isn’t entirely comfortable withprivate displays of affection, but he is groping Leonard in a crowded movie theater with all their friends right there.

Leonard is so horny he could scream. As he wiggles his hips singing, “really drives you insa-a-a-a-a-ane”, Sheldon runs his finger along the cleft of Leonard’s backside. Everywhere he looks, he sees half-naked gyrating bodies but there’s nothing as shocking as a frisky Sheldon.

The taller man ‘forgets’ a step and ends up bumping into Leonard, his erection pressing into Leonard’s hip. It’s enough to make Leonard wonder if this new crazy horny Sheldon would actually consider sex in the bathroom. He doesn’t think he can take much more of this.

Leonard stage whispers that he needs to go to the bathroom and asks Sheldon to help him, pointing out that he has trouble seeing in his contacts. Even to Sheldon, the words sound forced and fake but no one else seems to notice.

As soon as they are around the corner and out of the sight of the audience, Sheldon pushes Leonard against and wall and presses his aching erection against Leonard’s rear end, pulling the skirt up so he can get closer but his roommate is not cooperating. He wants to go to the mens’ room but there’s no way Sheldon is taking this to a filthy, germ-ridden bathroom when they have a perfectly good alcove.

“Someone is going to see us!” Leonard hisses as Sheldon hikes the dress above Leonard’s waist and rubs himself against the cotton-covered buttocks.

“I have exceptional hearing, Leonard. I’ll stop if someone tries to walk through the door,” he promises as he slips his hand into the smaller man’s briefs. Once his hand closes around Leonard’s twitching erection, the arguing stops. Sheldon thrusts his hips, so his penis slides against Leonard’s cleft while he works the other man’s erection with quick strokes of his hand. Leonard is moaning quietly and almost orgasms before Sheldon gets the tissue in place. Fortunately, there is a garbage can conveniently placed by the door.

Once Leonard is cleaned up, he whispers into Sheldon’s ear, “What do you want?”

“Your mouth.”

Leonard smiles but looks nervous as he drops to his knees. He has Sheldon’s cock free in record time and begins licking it up and down. He can barely see Leonard in the darkness but he can feel the unfamiliar sensation of lipstick as Leonard takes him in his mouth. He wraps his hands in the long curls on the wig and controls the pace of Leonard’s bobbing head. He wants to be quick but he wants to savor every moment of this illicit act. When he moves a hand to Leonard’s chest and slips his finger into the swell of cleavage, it’s too much. He can’t even warn Leonard. He ejaculates into the hot wet mouth while squeezing a soft fake breast.

He pulls Leonard to his feet and kisses him. He can taste his semen on Leonard’s tongue as he strokes his partner’s breasts.


Leonard’s legs feel like jelly as he stumbles back to his seat. He’s still in shock about what just happened.

He and Sheldon have never kissed in public. They’ve never held hands when there were other people in the room. Part of it is Sheldon’s aversion to unnecessary physical contact. If Sheldon wants to kiss, he wants to have sex so they don’t kiss when they play Halo.

Leonard has his own reasons for avoiding the public displays of affection. From day one, their friends have made assumptions about their physical relationship. It’s silly and based on antiquated stereotypes but it still bothers Leonard to be perceived as the ‘girl’.

Those concerns seem extra silly as he clutches Sheldon’s arm, tottering in his high heels.

Leonard has come to terms with his place of the sexuality spectrum but he’s not ready to face homophobia straight on.

Correction: he has spent his entire life having homophobic epitaphs hurled at him because he’s short and smart and plays the cello. He’s not ready to give the world another reason to yell at him as he walks down the street. 

As he settles back into his seat, Penny leans towards him and whispers, “Slut!”

He blushes at her teasing tone but he also wonders how she knows and if others can tell as well. He feels embarrassed.

He feels excited as well.


Sheldon doesn’t win the prize for Best Brad. That goes to a man in glasses and fishnets. The girl who recreated the movie’s tap dance sequence doesn’t win Best Columbia; she loses to the prettier Penny. Leonard loses to a Magenta with a less authentic costume who bares her breasts to the audience. Howard wins Best Riff Raff without exposing himself. They don’t bother wheeling the sleeping Bernadette on stage for the Dr. Scott competition. Zach wins Best Creature because he’s the only Rocky with actual muscles. Kripke loses Best Eddie to a woman who looks shockingly like Meat Loaf. Amy takes a few long slugs from Raj’s flask and wins Best Janet in a similar manner to the woman who won Best Magenta. Those who know her will never be the same. Raj just loses out Best Frank-n-Furter to Sheldon and Leonard’s former neighbor, Louis/Louise. Louis/Louise is surprisingly light on his feet.

Her feet. Sheldon had never really gotten the hang of pronouns when dealing with Louis/Louise. He’d tried to discuss the issue directly with his neighbor only to be called a ‘weirdo’.

Louis/Louise was surprisingly judgmental for an African-American transvestite member of the LAPD.

Individual prizes are well and good but Sheldon has his eye on Best Group Costume.

The MC holds a hand over each of the three groups and the audience cheers for their favorite. It’s a tight race and the groups need to up the ante.

Leonard has no idea how to ‘up the ante’ in this case. He’s not much of a song and dance man.

Penny knows what to do; she’s behind Leonard and fondling his fake chest as the MC returns. Amy is fondling Zach’s real chest as well and the audience is responding. By the third time the MC comes to their group, they are still the least obscene group on the stage but they are by far the strangest. Riff Raff is making out with Dr. Scott. Columbia and Rocky are grinding on Janet. Frank-n-Furter is giving Eddie a lap dance and Brad tilts Magenta’s head up for a gentle kiss on the lips.


Leonard is still giddy as he climbs the four flights of stairs. He and Penny are carrying their high heels in their hands but Raj is still wearing his. Raj is going to ‘crash’ at Penny’s because he had too much to drink. Leonard’s not sure who the lie is supposed to fool.

The trophy is a gold statue of Atlas in a corset. Sheldon can’t decide where to display the award but it will certainly have to be hidden any time Mary Cooper comes to town. He hasn’t come out to his mother about the change in his relationship with Leonard and the trophy will only play into her worst fears of what it means to be homosexual in the land of heathens.

Mary Cooper doesn’t want Sheldon sticking his hand up any skirts before he’s married; she surely wouldn’t approve of her son’s hand moving under Leonard’s skirt as they climb the stairs.


Sheldon is all over him as soon as they close the door. Leonard is pinned to the door as Sheldon strokes him through his maid’s uniform. He plucks the high heels from Leonard’s hand and drops them to the floor. He doesn’t stop kissing Leonard, he just mumbles, “Put them on,” directly into his mouth.

In the heels, there’s less of a height difference but Sheldon still towers over him.

Sheldon has only had sex with two people: Leonard and Leonard’s mom. It’s not like there has everbeen a time when Leonard didn’t considered that fucked up but tonight, it’s bothering him more than usual. Losing your virginity while half-asleep to a woman twice your age and the next day beginning a long term committed relationship with her son might not be the healthiest turn of events.

With one of Sheldon’s hands wrapped in his long red wig and the other stroking his padded bra, Leonard wonders if Sheldon feels short-changed.



“Do you ever wish... Do you want to be with a girl?”

Sheldon stops kissing and stops breathing. He just stares into Leonard’s eyes for what feels like ten minutes before he answers, “Yes.”


Sheldon intends to gently press Leonard to the bed but in his eagerness, he basically knocks his partner over. Leonard is sprawled across the bed, head haloed by red curls and skirt pulled up to show the top of her stockings.

Sheldon pushes her legs farther apart and climbs on top of her, his hand sliding up the inside of her thigh. He’s surprised to realize he’s still wearing Leonard’s glasses when they start sliding down his nose. He decides to leave them on; the strangeness of the situation is oddly arousing.

The farther his hand moves up Leonard’s thigh, the harder it will be to pretend he’s a girl.

He kisses his way down her neck (and Adam’s apple) to her breasts. He kisses her flesh until he hits uniform; moving the rough material away, he continues to kiss her through her lacy bra. The silicon inserts give the breasts a surprisingly realistic feel.

Leonard’s sighs are quiet and pitched higher than usual. Feminine.

He grabs the lubricant.

He leaves her panties on, simply pushing them out of the way so he can stroke her entrance. She’s clutching at his shoulders and moaning as he moves his slippery finger in gentle circles. When she whispers, “please,” he slips a finger inside. Her lipstick is smeared from his kisses.

His second finger slides in easily but he has to take his time with the third. She’s eager but he doesn’t want to cause her pain.

“Oh, Shelly, please...”

“Please what?”

It is gentlemanly to make a lady wait but he wants to hear her say the words.

“What do you want?”

“I want you. Please.”

“You want me to...?”

“Fuck me, Shelly.”

It isn’t the word he’d have used but it is certainly the right sentiment.

They are still fully dressed, down to their shoes.

Sheldon unzips his trousers and frees himself from his briefs. He rubs his pre-ejaculate around the head of his penis before lining it up with her wet and ready entrance. The lack of a latex sheath adds to the new and strange sensation. As the head slips past the tightest ring of muscle, Sheldon asks her to stay still while he regains his self-control. She giggles but keeps still except for her hands rubbing small circles on his back. When he begins to move, she meets every thrust, lifting her hips off the bed. As lovely as she looks beneath him, he asks to switch positions so she straddles his hips. She’s less than graceful as she lowers herself onto his erection but her sighs of pleasure are intoxicating. The face that normally reflects so much anxiety and doubt is serene as she moves herself in gentle circles until he is completely inside of her.

She starts off slow but soon she’s frantically riding him, working herself up and down as she finds the perfect angle. He can see the change in her face when she finds just the right spot, it goes from blissful to almost tortured. She leans forward, her long hair brushing his chest, as she picks up her pace. She’s so close. He can’t decide what is more enticing, the sight of her garter belt, the cleavage peeking from her lacy bra or the way she’s biting her lip. There’s too much to look at and only the frequent changes in her tempo keep him from ejaculating too soon. When he slips a hand between them and gives her a gentle stroke, she purrs like a kitten.

He keeps his hand outside the panties, maintaining a hint of illusion until her body clenches around his and the panties become damp in his hands. He then grips her hips firmly and thrusts until he comes inside of her.



Leonard is sweaty and exhausted and he wonders if he looks pretty. Only two of those sensations are familiar. 

Sheldon looks awestruck as he caresses Leonard’s thighs. He’s still hard and pulsing inside. They’ve never done this without a condom. If Sheldon had his way, they’d both be covered in latex while they held hands. He wants to ask Sheldon why he didn’t use a condom.

He wants to ask Sheldon if he wants to experiment with real women.

There are so many questions he doesn’t have the nerve to ask. The possibility of having his fears assuaged cannot compete with the cold terror of having them confirmed.

Sheldon allows nearly half an hour of post coital cuddling and Leonard wonders if his partner has sensed his worries. Then Sheldon begins kissing his neck and stroking his padded chest, his erection pressed against Leonard’s thigh. Leonard suddenly feels comfortable with a little ambiguity in their relationship, as long as Sheldon is turned on.

Sheldon pushes Leonard’s legs apart and settles in until they’re pressed tightly together and begins to move his hips slowly. He winces as Sheldon begins pulling off Leonard’s red wig, dozens of bobby pins pulling at his real hair.

“What are you doing, Shelly?”

“I prefer your real hair.”