HOW DO HEROES AND VILLAINS COPE WITH THE CORONAVIRUS?
The world is up shit creek.
2016 was bad, but this year is WORSE!
Every country’s president or prime minister has ordered people to stay at home. Only go out to buy food and supplies. Stores have been closed, except for supermarkets and grocery shops.
Children are now homeschooled and churches, chapels and other places of worship have been closed. However, people can watch the services on a livestream.
But how do the world’s greatest heroes and villains cope with this “Coronacolypse”?
The Titans were in their Tower with all the food and supplies they needed. They also have sent Starfire’s favourite snacks from Tamaran. Also plenty of vegan food for Beast Boy.
“Great, if the virus doesn’t kill us, Beast Boy’s vegan farts will,” said Cyborg.
“Hey, if Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson got better, so can the rest of the world,” said Robin.
The Titans had a list of movies to watch. Most of them were about isolation:
“Room” (the Brie Larson one), John Carpenter’s “The Thing”, “Moon”, “Cast Away”, “127 Hours", "10 Cloverfield Lane" and "This Is The End".
“Wait, doesn’t ‘Moon’ feature the voice of He-who-must-not-be-named?” asked Raven.
“Yeah, but…….at least you can’t see him,” said Cyborg. “So you can’t chuck things at the TV again, Raven. Besides, it’s a great movie.”
Besides watching movies, the Titans also passed the time by watching YouTube videos, reading books, comics (or in Raven’s case, porn. Whereas Beast Boy’s spank mag was a nature magazine), playing video games and just for kicks, checking the security cameras around the city to spot crime.
But there was no crime to be found.
“Oh wait, there’s Control Freak!” cried Beast Boy with delight.
The camera showed a very sad Control Freak going into a supermarket, and just buying lots of food and alcohol.
“I never thought I’d say this but…….poor guy,” said Raven.
“Friends, look,” said Starfire. “It’s the Hive Five.”
The Titans saw the Hive Five in the supermarket too. They also looked very depressed.
“They’re too depressed to cause crime,” said Robin.
But Gizmo noticed the camera was looking at him and the Hive Five.
“He knows we’re watching them,” said Cyborg.
Gizmo pulled out a notebook and a pen. He wrote into it and showed the camera what it was he’d written.
The notebook said “Fuck 2020”.
The Titans nodded in agreement.
“Amen,” said Cyborg.
The Titans also passed the time by skyping their friends such as Titans East and Bruce Wayne.
“You’re welcome to come to the manor if you like,” Bruce told the Titans.
“We’ll see,” said Robin. “Martian Manhunter has invited us to come to the Watchtower.”
“Did you hear, the rest of the League and the Ninja Turtles are up there too?” asked Bruce.
“Really?” replied a surprised Robin.
In New York, the Ninja Turtles had to leave the sewers, due to the chance of the virus being in there. But where could they go?
Fortunately, due to them meeting the Justice League recently, Martian Manhunter invited the Turtles to come up to the Watchtower.
Manhunter had sent a ship to collect the Turtles and Splinter, and sent them into space.
The Turtles arrived at the Watchtower and the place was like paradise. There was a great view of the Earth, and Splinter and the Turtles marvelled at its beauty.
There were other members of the League including Clark Kent, who was there with Lois Lane, Diana Prince, Barry Allen and Arthur Curry.
The Turtles had a room of their own and had a computer so that they could talk to April and Casey, who were living in their apartment.
Arthur Curry and some of the citizens of Atlantis had to leave and Manhunter sent a ship to take them to the Watchtower.
There was a special room of their own which was like a giant water park.
For now, everyone was safe in the Watchtower.
But for how long?
It had been a week, and the Turtles were getting kind of bored. They were talking to April via Skype, who was also bored out of her skull.
“Just watching YouTube and doing arts and crafts, not much else,” she sighed. “Oh, sad news. My boss Thompson has the virus.”
“He’s an asshole anyway,” said Raph.
But then the computer screen started to glitch.
“What the?” asked Leo.
Someone was hacking into the computer.
Suddenly, the footage changed into a livestream of someone the Turtles dreaded to see.
But he looked very pale and not too happy.
“Greetings, Turtles,” he said.
“Shredder, have you got it?” asked a concerned Donnie.
“We have a medical program in the Technodrome,” he explained. “I wasn’t feeling well….. So I…….I…….”
He let out a really violent cough, and some phlegm dripped out from his bottom lip.
Raph put on his surgical mask.
“Back away from the computer guys.”
“When I was diagnosed, Krang opened the portal to Dimension X, and he took everyone,” explained Shredder. “Bebop, Rocksteady, Baxter, my Foot clan, everyone. And now I am all alone in the Technodrome.”
“Well, at least you got the place to yourself,” said Mikey.
“Is Splinter there?” asked Shredder.
“Yes,” said Splinter as he looked at Shredder on the screen.
“I suppose you’re happy to see me like this,” said Shredder.
“Not really,” said Splinter. “I just want this virus to end.”
“Well, you have to admit, I had it coming,” said Shredder as he let out a nasty cough. “Well…….I have no-one. It looks like you’ve won, after all those decades.”
He coughed even more and looked at the Turtles and Splinter one last time.
“I hope you’re doing well in the Watchtower,” said Shredder. “And now, Splinter, Turtles, I wish you goodbye.”
There was silence.
“Goodbye,” said Leo.
And with that, Shredder turned off the livestream. It went back to April.
“Guys, what happened?” she asked.
There was a slight pause.
“I think that’s the last we’ll see of the Shredder,” said Leo.
In the Technodrome, the suffering Shredder went to his wall of weapons. And then he lifted off his dagger. He looked at it. And he knew what he had to do.
Back in New York, Thompson walked down the street, depressed. He was going to meet a friend of his.
When he arrived at his house, he knocked on the door. No answer. He knocked it again, nothing. But he could hear choking in there.
Thompson kicked the door down and ran into the living room.
He saw Vernon hanging from a rope!
He was hanging off the floor and was choking to death!
“Fenwick, NO!” cried Thompson.
He ran over and placed a chair underneath Vernon’s feet, he was able to stand on it.
Then Thompson ran into the kitchen and got a bread knife. He ran back into the living room and cut the rope.
Vernon was able to breath again.
“You idiot, what do you think you’re doing?” asked Thompson.
“You bastard! You ruined it!” cried Vernon.
“What the hell were you trying to kill yourself for?” asked Thompson.
“I’ve got it!” cried Vernon. “Channel 6 News is cancelled! My life is over!”
“I’ve got it too, that’s why I wanted to meet you!” cried Thompson.
“You’re supposed to stay home!” Vernon cried back.
“Oh screw it, we’re both infected!” Thompson cried.
“Shhhhh! Someone will hear!” Vernon warned him.
Vernon then sat on the sofa and began to cry.
“Channel 6 News is my life, without it I’m nothing,” sobbed Vernon.
Thompson sat beside him.
“You can still do the news on YouTube,” he told Vernon. “That’s what April and Irma are doing.”
“But they don’t have the virus,” sobbed Vernon. “I do. Who’s gonna wanna watch me?”
He sobbed even more. Thompson had an idea.
“People who are infected need someone to look up to,” he told Vernon.
The teary eyed Vernon looked at him.
“When someone is sick they need advice,” said Thompson. “The best advice they can get is someone who had the same illness as they do. They give advice on what to do, and what not to do. You can do a vlog and tell people how you are coping.”
“Because that’s what I’m going to do,” said Vernon. “Also, I was thinking of doing a livestream with April and Irma. The Channel 6 news team together online.”
Vernon wiped his tears.
“And if Tom Hanks and his wife got better, so can we,” said Thompson.
Vernon stood up.
“Thank you, Mr Thompson. You’re not the easiest guy to get along with, but you have your moments.”
“Thanks,” said Thompson. “Please don’t try to kill yourself again.”
“Thank you for saving me, sir,” said Vernon.
Another week went past, and people were getting Cabin Fever.
The Titans were bored stiff. They’ve watched all the movies and YouTube videos. They didn’t want to watch TV because it was all “Corona this, Corona that”.
Robin and Starfire sat on the roof of the Tower and gazed at the city.
“What would I wouldn’t give to fight crime right now,” sighed Robin.
Starfire hugged him.
“Why don’t we go to Tamaran?” she asked.
“Maybe,” said Robin. “I’ll think about it. We might pay a visit to Martian Manhunter’s Watchtower.”
Suddenly, Robin’s communicator rang. He answered it to reveal Cyborg.
“Mad Mod’s got the virus,” Cyborg told him.
All the Titans made it into the living room. Cyborg was watching a video of Mod making a vlog on YouTube.
“Hello, my duckies,” he coughed. “Well, I guess I saw the error my ways. I guess this is my punishment for all the shit I’ve done. Still, at least I’m not like a certain Hollywood producer.”
In Gotham, Harley Quinn, Poison Ivy and Bane had isolated themselves in Ivy’s greenhouse.
Ivy knew about viruses, but Corona was another story.
She, Harley and Bane spent the past couple of weeks watching porn, doing drugs, drinking and having sex. Well, Ivy did it with Bane, and Harley did it with a blow up doll with Chris Hemsworth’s face on it.
One day, they were bored stiff, but there was a visit outside the greenhouse door.
It was the Joker.
The trio could see him on the security camera.
“FUCK OFF, MR J!” Harley screamed on the microphone.
The Joker replied on the intercom.
“I’ve got it.”
There was a pause.
“Well…….go away before you infect us!” snapped Harley.
The Joker looked away and coughed violently.
“Oh Jesus…..,” he groaned. “Screw 2020. Anyway, Harley, I just wanna say that I wish you, Ivy and Bane the best of luck. At least you have your…….wait, hold on…….”
The Joker coughed violently again.
“Ugh, my throat is killing me. Anyway, at least you all have your health. And maybe I deserve this shit. My punishment for being a bastard all my life. In case I don’t see you, goodbye, Dr Quinzel.”
Harley was stunned.
“And goodbye to you too, Mr J.”
And with that, the Joker sadly walked away.
Harley, Ivy and Bane just felt sorry for him, despite all the horrible things he had done.
Another couple of days went past, and the Titans made a plan to stay in both the Watchtower and Tamaran.
But Raven had an idea.
“Guys, I wanna travel into the future, to see if this virus really does end.”
“I’m in no mood to time travel,” said Beast Boy.
“No, just me,” said Raven. “You guys can stay here.”
“Well, if that’s alright with you,” said Robin.
So Raven went to her room.
She sat on the floor and crossed her legs.
Then she closed her eyes and began to chant:
“Azarath Metrion Zinthos, Azarath Metrion Zinthos, Azarath Metrion Zinthos, Azarath Metrion Zinthos, Azarath Metrion Zinthos, Azarath Metrion Zinthos….”
Just then, a porthole appeared in her room. She opened her eyes and stood up. Then she leapt inside the porthole and in a flash of light, she vanished.
Hours went by, and the Titans were anxious.
“What if we never see her again,” said Beast Boy with despair.
Then, there was a flash of light coming from Raven’s room. The other Titans stood nervously outside the door.
It opened to reveal Raven.
“How far did you go?” asked Robin.
“A couple of months,” said Raven.
She then looked at the Titans, and then she smiled.
“The good news is, we’re all going to be okay.”
The other Titans smiled and hugged her.
Then they backed away, as they realised she hates being hugged.
“No, it’s okay, you can hug me,” Raven told them.
So they hugged her again.
But after ten seconds….
“Okay, get off me, I can smell Beast Boy’s B.O.”
The Titans then skyped the Watchtower and Raven told the Justice League and the Turtles what happened.
“We’re gonna be okay, but it’ll take a while,” she told them.
The League and the Turtles were delighted to hear it.