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I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For

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Jensen watched Jared laugh with his friends, sitting under a tree just at the edge of the campus and looking so damn carefree and handsome it made Jensen want to just rush over and claim that pretty dimpled mouth. He slightly shook his head and took another drag from his cigarette. God. What was he even doing here?

He shifted his weight from one foot to the other while keeping a close eye on Jared. It almost hurt how good he smelled, felt. It was all just so right. So perfect, like Jensen had always secretly hoped it would be one day. Like finding his mate should be.

So, okay – Jared was human. All right, it was pretty likely he wasn’t even gay. Or that Jensen was pretty much, one hundred fucking percent, sure Jared would never want to be a part of a gay wolf pack. But that was all the life Jensen had to offer him.

Just looking at the younger man’s bright pink t-shirt, he felt hope sparking up in him again. So, okay – maybe he was somewhat gay. That was good for starters. Jensen could work with that.

Or, at least, he theoretically could, if he finally figured out a way to strike up a conversation with the gorgeous man without coming off all creepy or crazy. He could just imagine himself blurting out something like, “Hi there. So, um. I’m pretty sure I’m your destined mate!” or maybe, “So, how do you feel about gay wolves?”

“Yeah, Jenny, that would do the trick of scaring him away for good,” he mumbled to himself and sighed before lighting a new cigarette. He needed to figure out something – soon. Or he was just going to go crazy. Being so close to Jared, seeing him every day for the past two weeks, had woken up the most primal parts of his brain and made them whisper to him about how he needed Jared even closer and to become his.


Jared gnawed on his lip, half paying attention at Jake's words but at the back of his mind he couldn't shake the constant feeling that somebody was watching him. It wasn't the creepy kind of uncomfortable fear of someone stalking him, rather the intriguing presence of someone just out of his reach.

He let his gaze wander for a second, looking over the park at the edge of the campus, but all he could see were other students engaged in their conversations or concentrated on their open laptops. In fact, the only one looking his way was the dog – no, not a dog, a wolf? – further away by the grouping of old oak trees. Jared blinked for a second, but the small fraction of time was what it took for the image of the animal to disappear.

Jared swallowed, considering he might be imagining things or that maybe it was just one of the werewolf students, but Jared had photographic memory and had never seen a wolf with that kind of gray colors or specific fur pattern before.

Jake was snapping fingers at him, laughing, “Earth to Jay, Earth to Jay. We have to get going or we're going to be late for Wolf Psychology.”

Jared nodded, mumbling an apology. Out of the corner of his eye, he cast one final look in the direction of the oaks to make sure no-one was there anymore.



“What you always need to remember about the werewolves is that they are very conservative and have a strict hierarchy. Compared to humans, one might say they are more cruel, others would say they are more natural and follow their instincts. Therefore, when talking about the sexuality of werewolves, contrary to humans who have forsaken their natural state and urges, exists only one kind of sexuality and that is hetero. Wolves of the same sex never mate. There are no werewolves without a sex drive. From time to time, if these kinds of unfortunate things occur, the pack takes care of it by killing “abominations” – as they refer to them.” Professor Morgan paused, glancing over his students. He smirked, seeing that Jared Padalecki was already frowning at him from his seat. “Yes, Mr. Padalecki, I see you have a question?” He asked, in his best patronizing voice, knowing too well about the kid's infamous habit to argue with all of his professors.

Jared appeared surprised for a moment when the entire auditorium turned their attention to him, but he quickly recovered. “Yes, um...I mean – in recent years there has been more and more talk and news about gay wolves forming their own packs and pairs, living outside the general werewolf laws and traditions. So, I think it's incorrect to say that they only have one type of sexuality. They do show the same signs of multiple possible sexualities as the humans do, only in their culture, the ones with “wrong” sexual drive have been prosecuted or slaughtered for centuries, much like it has been in the human culture in our earlier history before gay and human rights movements.”

Jared heard the honest-to-god growl before he quickly turned in the direction of the noise; it had been
Misha and his friends, Matt and Alona, the only wolves taking this subject. The three wolves were a very close-knit bunch and, of course, felt offended by Jared's words at their precious traditions.

“You're a human! You have no right to talk about our business or defend the abominations!” Misha spat out, his blue eyes burning. “We, unlike you pathetic and weak humans, won't let our society fall to decay because some pup is soft in the head and thinks he should mate with his own sex. These kinds of things are dangerous, and there is a reason why we don't tolerate it.”

Jared just stared at Misha, conveying all his disgust at such bigotry in one look, while Professor Morgan shushed them and went on with his lecture as if nothing had happened. Jared could feel the werewolf staring at the back of his skull even as he turned forward to take notes.

“I'd watch my back if I were you, Padalecki.”

Jared heard the low, but clear whisper from behind him; he chose to ignore it and try not causing some big scene. The headmistress really wouldn't approve if she had to see Jared, once again, sitting in her office, trying to prove he was innocent.


Jensen had just arrived home and taken a quick shower before having to get to work but it hadn't really made him feel any better or refreshed. As a matter of fact, he still felt pretty hot and restless; damn, but for a second there, at the end, it had felt like Jared had been looking right at him. That one moment of almost being discovered had scared Jensen nearly as bad as believing Jared would probably never speak to him. He was fucked either way; staying away from Jared was torture, but he couldn't imagine such a beautiful man seeing anything in a gay wolf with a blue Mohawk, loads of piercings and enough eyeliner to overshadow every woman from his pack. Jensen hadn't realized he had let out the little frustrated sigh before Sandy was poking her head into the kitchen, grinning.

“ little Jenny in love?” She laughed, trying to ruffle and mess his carefully sculpted hair-do, but Jensen knew his pack too well and was already prepared for the treacherous attack.

“Back off ...” He huffed in annoyance and let out a little growl, even if it was only to protect his manliness and carried no real malice or threat.

“So what's got you so frustrated and grumpy, lately? You still pining over that human you saw at the lecture the other day?” She cautiously asked as she started to search around in the fridge for something to snack on.

Jensen shrugged, staring at the table, playing with his bracelets instead of facing her head on.

“Come on now, Jensen, seriously, you can tell me. You are our leader and I'm worried about you. But I'm also your friend. I know that there's a lot that you bury inside and carry around thinking it's your burden and yours alone. I hope you know we're here to help you as much as you are here to help and lead us.”

Jensen peeked at the petite brunet from under his lashes and absently tapped a rhythm on the tabletop with his fingers. “Are the others at home?” He asked before daring to say outloud what was troubling him. Revealing his weakness in front of one of them was bad enough, he didn’t need the entire pack knowing what was going on.

“Nah – everybody else is out working or at school. We're the only ones home.” Sandy shrugged and sat down opposite Jensen.

Jensen looked her in the eye, unable to not smile as he remembered what a scrawny teenager Sandy had been when they met and how they had both thought they would never have a place to call home. “So...yeah. This is about Jared,” Jensen admitted and added trying to make Sandy understand.
“He's just – god, he's perfect. He's beautiful, smart and successful… He's everything I'm not. I have so little to give him and so much to take away. And I know this, in my head, but it’s like my body won’t listen. It’s like I’m pulled to him.”

Sandy frowned at him and opened her mouth but Jensen just cut her off.

“And don't tell me I'm wrong about what I can give him. You know how the society looks upon us. Even our own kind can't accept us. A human isn't supposed to have any desire be dragged into this. Dragged to me. I am wrong and broken and you know it. No one would ever love me once they get to know me...not Jared, a perfect human law student.” Jensen stopped suddenly as if he hadn't really planned to tell so much but his secrets and fears had just burst out. He was breathing heavy; he could almost feel his eyes prickling with too much emotion.

Sandy was quiet for a second, looking him in the eye. “You know what I think, Jensen Ross Ackles? I think you're being silly, thinking that we don't love you or that you're not good enough for a human.” Jensen tried to interrupt her but Sandy just held up a hand and continued. “For once, just listen to me, Jensen. You are an alpha, a leader of this pack and the one who has protected and guided us through all these years. Without you, we wouldn't even be here. We would be dead or cast-outs, making due. It is thanks to you that we have this beautiful home, a pack and partners who we truly love. Never forget that.”

Jensen swallowed at her words, looking into her eyes and seeing only sincerity and concern there.

“Don't think so little of yourself, Jen. We don't. And this human will be lucky to have you once he sees what a wonderful person you really are. Just give him a chance, will you? Give yourself a chance and take a risk on this one. Please?”

“Thanks, Sandy.” Jensen nodded, his voice thick with emotion before he smiled at her. “Okay, I'll do it. I'll go and talk to him tonight.”

Sandy beamed at him before rounding the table and giving him a tight hug. “And change the t-shirt, will you? The whole 'I sell crack for the CIA' thing might be a little bit too deep for him for a first impression, huh?”


Jared was walking home from the gym, exhausted and sore but happy. It had been a long day at school; working at the local law firm, he had gotten to the gym only an hour before they were closing. But it had been worth it. He swung the bag over his shoulder, humming to himself as he made his way back across the campus toward the dorms.

It had grown dark outside and only a few students were out and about so late in the middle of the week. Jared was lost in his thoughts about the paper they had to do about the dynamics of a wolf pack for the next class with Professor Morgan and paid no attention to his surroundings. He was just passing through the darkest part of the big park when he thought he heard something in the bushes.

“Hello?” Jared called out, only now remembering Misha's words from earlier. Fuck, why hadn't he taken a more crowded and better lit route home? He felt a shiver run down his spine – the centuries old tell-tale sign of a prey sensing a predator nearby. “I don't have any money on me,” Jared called out as a last desperate attempt, hoping that maybe it was only an ordinary thug hiding in the park and lurking at students.

Then again an ordinary pickpocket probably wouldn't be picking someone as big as Jared. He was pretty proud of how tall he stood, and he had been working out a lot recently, having added more muscle and width to his frame. Jared wasn't really sure how he managed to move so quickly but somehow he made his body realize that turning his back and running would be a very bad idea, so instead he grabbed for the pepper spray in his pocket. His mom had bought it for him when he had moved away from home; he still carried it around out of habit.

The first wolf was big and black with piercing blue eyes, and Jared recognized Misha from the few times he had seen him in his transformed form. Behind him were a two more – Alona and Matt – as he made sure with a quick glance.

Fuck this was bad. Like really, really bad.

Jared pepper-sprayed Misha in the face as soon as he launched at his throat with a low growl; the werewolf landed on top of him, disoriented and in pain. When Jared tried to get away from the aimlessly snapping jaws, the animal’s struggling body knocked the small bottle right out of his hand; on pure instinct, he gave the animal’s throat a strong punch, making it collapse. He quickly turned to the other’s who were only a few paces away with their teeth bared, ready to come at him. Jared managed to shout out only one strangled, “Help!” before both wolves charged at him, and Jared’s mind almost too calmly realized he was going to die.

It all happened in a blink of an eye. The wolves were coming right at him and then there was a sudden movement to their left and a blurry figure flying through air, knocking them both over and out of Jared’s line of sight. He simply stared straight ahead, still in shock and not really able to understand how he had been kept alive and in one piece. Jared struggled to breathe and, as his mind snapped out of the confusion, he turned to search the shadows for his savior and his two opponents.

They had rolled a few feet further into the dark shadows under the trees, so he could barely make out shapes; it looked like there was this new big gray wolf and he had bitten Alona badly enough in the hind leg she was dragging her body away from the fight. Matt and the strange wolf were still viciously biting at each other, both growling and rolling, trying to get hold of the other’s throats. Finally, the gray one made an unexpected drop and roll, taking Matt’s neck between his jaws. The sounds Matt made were a sign of surrender – so pathetic that even Jared cringed. The wolf holding Matt growled, and even when the human couldn’t understand their language, he still recognized it as a warning. The big wolf freed his prisoner after that and turned towards Jared.

Jared heard the sound from behind his back and he cursed himself for forgetting about Misha lying there.
With the time it took Jared to turn, the wolf who had saved him had taken two big leaps and was now standing in front of him and growling at Misha with a snarling voice, before snapping his jaws at him.
Jared had to admit he was glad the wolf seemed to be on his side. The thing was huge; its back almost the height of Jared's thighs. It easily dwarfed Misha in his wolf form. Misha gave one more growl before rolling onto his back and revealing its throat to the other, then pushing back to all fours and stalking away with his tail between his legs.

“Well, that was a close one,” Jared mumbled, pushing the hair out of his eyes and taking a better look at the wolf who was now standing before him, looking oddly lost before starting to slowly retreat back towards the bushes. “Hey now. I know you!” Jared called out, the pieces clicking in his head. He had recognized this wolf, by his furcoat, as the same one he had seen on the campus earlier. “Yes. You were watching me, weren’t you? By the oak trees?” He smiled, feeling oddly comforted by the idea that someone was watching over him. Someone who hadn’t hesitated to risk his own life to protect him.

The wolf seemed doubtful, glancing longingly at the shadows.

“It’s okay. I don’t mind. Besides, you just saved my life. Thank you.” Jared smiled, letting his dimples show.
“So maybe you want to come over here? Would that be okay?”

The wolf made this almost huffing noise before finally making up his mind and cautiously walking up to Jared.

Jared got down on one knee to be at an eye level with him; the grin on his face only widening. “I know most guys hate the word and – I swear you’re very manly and all,’re very pretty.” Jared swore he saw the wolf raise an eyebrow at that and he couldn’t help but to laugh. “Okay, sorry. I won't say that again. But, may I, maybe – would it be okay if I touched your fur? It just looks so soft. If it’s against your code or something, that’s cool. I mean…you're still a man inside there, aren’t you? A very brave and maybe a bit shy man. But that’s also cool, you know. I’m kind of shy, too. And I tend to ramble. I'm rambling right now, aren't I?” Jared ducked his head and grinned, feeling his face burning red.

Was he really hitting on this werewolf? A very much male werewolf he felt was his personal savior/watcher? God, he couldn’t understand what was wrong with him. He felt the touch of the cold nose and soft whiskers against his cheek for a brief second and he looked into the wolf’s eyes – green eyes the color of moss, staring back and making him think they were so deep and human, yet animal-like at the same time. Jared felt lost in them as his hand raised of its own accord, carefully letting his fingertips drag over the baby-soft fur around the thick neck.

Jensen swallowed, needing every bit of his self-restraint not to just throw himself at his mate’s feet and beg him to come with him and be his own. No, he had to do this right. They both had to. If there was any they to begin with. Jensen hoped he hadn’t read Jared wrong, and the guy really was, in his awkwardly sweet manner, trying to express an interest in him. The hands that very tenderly pet him made Jensen melt in a way he thought he never would or could. He was already willing to do anything this man asked, anything.

“Please. I want to see you in your human form. Would that be okay?” Jared gently requested, his heart beating at the prospect of meeting his new acquaintance in complete human skin -- no matter what he looked like. He thought that maybe that was why he’s wolf was so shy, or he looked ugly or deformed or something. Jared breathed in, readying himself for a refusal.

The wolf slowly nodded, but kept his gaze down on the ground.

“It’s okay. No matter what you look like...I'm not the sort of person who judges someone by someone's looks.” Jared encouraged him, bracing himself not to let his reaction show if it there was something seriously wrong with the wolf’s appearance. “I’ll close my eyes, if that'll make you more comfortable,” he added, closing his eyes, counting to ten in his mind.

“I’m…I’m ready…”

Jared heard the voice while his eyes had been shut, right after reaching nine; he liked the friendly and clear sound of the tone – maybe even a little Texas twang there, if he stretched his imagination enough.
He slowly opened his eyes and, for a second, it was hard to focus as the faint glow of the faraway streetlamps was the only light in the darkened park. Eventually, his eyesight adapted, allowing him to see the most gorgeous man standing in front of him with a pure look of misery and uncertainty written over his face, mixed with a small spark of hope. “Wow,” Jared whispered, staring and trying to see in what little light there was every detail that made man even more attractive and unique: he had a mohawk ( which could have been electric blue ), eyeliner surrounding his green eyes, too many piercings to count on the first go, ink covering almost every stretch of his neck and arms and he was wearing a t-shirt with a slogan, “Just be happy I’m not your kid” along with a kilt and worn army boots. “You shouldn’t have been so shy – you look awesome!” He blurted out, cringing at his own words but then again – that was what he really was thinking.

Jensen looked surprised and uncertain, casting him a doubtful look. “You serious? You’re not scared by the whole...'more artificial holes than real ones'-deal? Or the kilt? Or my ink?” He incredulously questioned him.

Jared laughed delightedly. “No, not at all. I think it’s cool. It’s you and it suits you.”

The wolf still looked a bit surprised but also delighted as he smiled at Jared and nodded. “Thanks for understanding. A lot of people think this is just for show. They don't understand I'm letting out much more of the real me than they ever do with their Banana Republic looks.” It was then that Jensen realized he hadn’t even introduced himself properly, so he offered Jared his hand. “I’m the way.”

“Nice to meet you, Jensen. I'm Jared,” Jared responded. “So, Jensen, you want to explain me what you were doing watching me earlier today? You don’t go to college here, do you? I think I would have noticed you around.”

Jensen felt guilty for lurking in the shadows at Jared but he was truly happy Jared had noticed him. “Yeah, I, well...sorry about that, um — eh...the watching thing. I work as a freelance graphical designer but I came to listen to an open lecture on Economics and that's when I spotted you. I, um...okay, well, I know this sounds weird and all but, as you probably know, we have a much better sense of smell than humans do. Your smell…intrigued me.” Jensen ran a hand over the back of his neck, watching Jared’s face for any sign of acceptance. Or of disgust or fear. He knew Jared took a lot of courses about werewolves, so he probably could piece it together. Jensen saw the exact moment Jared understood.

Jared blushed fiercely before stuttering, “So…I’m – I mean, you think…are you gay?”

Jensen bit his lip and nodded, feeling his pulse beat rapidly. This was it. Jared was going to hate him and find him repulsive.

“Do you want me to be your mate?” The human outright asked.

Jensen was a bit amazed by how bravely Jared was taking all this, so he nodded and quickly added, “But only if you want to.”

Jared looked at Jensen, feeling hot all over just by the mere suggestion that this gorgeous werewolf was willing to take him as his partner.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to answer now. I know it’s a lot to take in and I’ve got time.” Jensen told him, daring to take a small step closer and push an unruly lock of Jared's hair back behind his ear.

The human could feel and see it now, something about Jensen’s presence, the way he held himself after the initial fear of rejection. A proud man, a leader, an alpha. Someone willing and able to protect. But also to conquer and take and kill. Jensen wasn’t like any human and he never would be. The animal was inside him but he held it back, not pressuring Jared to do anything though Jared had been reading about it enough to know wolf mating etiquette was based on the physical as much as a mental draw werewolves felt toward their mates.

Jared smiled and nodded. “I understand, Jensen, that you think I need time to make up my mind and accept all this. Thank you for that, but there’s no need for it. I’m very proud and happy you chose me and...yes, I want to get to know you better. I also know your senses won’t lie to you and I trust you. You chose me because we fit together and it’s as simple as that.”

Jensen found himself too exited and hopeful to even find the words that he wanted to say, so he just asked one final time, “You know that being with a gay wolf won’t be easy for you, right?”

Jared shrugged and grinned. “The best things in life are worth fighting for.”

“So, I know it's kind of late and all, but how about I buy you dinner and, perhaps, we can talk some more?” Jensen asked, feeling his usual confidence coming back to him.

Jared grinned. “Sure. I know a great diner just a few blocks from here.”


They chatted through dinner and the ride to Jensen's apartment as Jared had decided he really didn't want to go back to his dorm after all the events of the evening. Jensen had insisted that they should take things more slowly, but Jared had been determined to learn more about the man and his pack – or family, as Jensen referred to them.

“It's quite rare for someone as young as you to already be a pack leader, isn't it? “ Jared couldn't help but to wonder as they reached the old brick building, once a warehouse but now built into apartments.

Jensen shrugged, parking his truck. “Yeah, wolves are uncommon in our society in general and I had my share of trouble with accepting who I am before I started my own pack. I did it because otherwise we all wouldn't have had a place to go.”

“That's quite brave of you.” Jared nodded as they entered the building and climbed the stairs to the second floor.

Jensen shrugged, fishing for his keys and opening the door. “Guess I've gotten so used to it, I'm not sure I would know how to live any other way. I love them all and I hope you will like them as well. Chris, the one with beads in his hair, is the gruffly one, but don't worry...his bark is worse than his bite... I'm home!” Jensen called out in a loud, but hushed voice from the hall while they toed off their boots and socks; Jared could see why as the lights were turned low in the apartment and most of the others were probably already asleep. It was late and quiet except the low volume from the living room TV.

They headed towards Jensen's room, but as they passed through the living room, they could see Danneel and Genevieve still wide awake, curled up against each other in front of the TV and watching CSI.

“Evening, girls.” Jensen smiled and, to prevent any rude questions, nodded at Jared. “This is Jared. He's going to be staying with us tonight.”

Genevieve and Danneel introduced themselves, as well, while giving Jared curious once-overs. Jensen knew the girls were wondering what was going on as he had hardly ever brought any man to their home before.

“Good night. Don't stay up too late, Danneel. Someone's got her yoga class tomorrow morning.” Jensen reminded, smiling at the pair before turning and putting a hand on the small of his newly-found mate’s back and guiding him three doors down the hall.

“I’m sorry. I ask too many questions, but I was just wondering what’s up with the neon hair colors?” Jared asked, when they were out of the earshot of the girls. He couldn’t help but notice the matching bright pink streaks of colored dye in the two girls' hair-dos.

The werewolf smiled at him. “It’s just something we came up with to mark our difference from the other ones. We’re not afraid to show out that we’re gay. We’re proud of it and proud of our pack.”

Jensen's room was quite spacious and surprisingly clean and tidy. To their left was a door leading to the bathroom and to the right another one which seemed to go to Jensen's home office.

Jared could feel Jensen's eyes on him the entire time he was exploring the room and he felt his skin flush under such close scrutiny from the alpha. “I like your room.” He finally said, turning back to Jensen with a smile.

“I can sleep on the floor or the couch. You know. If it's too much right now to share a bed.” Jensen explained.

“No need for that. I think we'll be okay.” Jared said with a smile, closing the distance between himself and Jensen. “I feel safe with you. Good.” He whispered, leaning in so their lips were just inches apart.

Jensen let out a small growl before pulling Jared down and sealing their lips in a fierce kiss.

In the back of his mind Jared thought to himself how weird it was that it felt so right surrendering to an alpha werewolf, letting him take the lead and just following.

“You taste so good. Please, Jared, tell me to stop. it, or I won't be able to hold myself back and be a gentleman with you,” Jensen begged, pulling back only enough to whisper the words against his lips.

“I don't want you to stop. Feels right.” Jared replied, letting his gut feeling guide him in this. “Take off your shirt. I want to see the rest of the tattoos, as well,” He instructed, tangling his hands in the hem of Jensen's thin t-shirt, feeling the hot and powerful body underneath it, muscles twitching with need. Jensen helped him by lifting his arms; Jared slipped the garment off, finally having the entire torso to admire. The chest and arms were all covered with complex patterns of tattoos, while nipples were dark and perky with barbells hanging through them. Jared couldn't help but stare, feeling his dick pulse with desire.
He swallowed, before smiling to the werewolf, “I can't wait, Jensen. Want it so bad. To be owned by you, marked by you, held down by you while you make me take your knot.”

Jensen was on him in a flash after those words, pushing him roughly up against the wall to suck bruises onto his neck. “Mine.” He growled and Jared felt his breath hitch at the dark and promising tone of his voice.

“Yours,” Jared echoed, letting his hands roam over the broad chest and shoulders, feeling Jensen's body and liking how much it turned him on.

Jensen tugged on Jared's shirts. “Get these off or I'll rip them off. Want to have you naked and ready for me.”

Jared was more than happy to comply, shrugging off his flannel shirt before slipping the white t-shirt off over his head.

The werewolf grinned as his hands slipped lower – one of them cupping the bulge of Jared's erection while the other worked open the button and fly of his jeans. “ have any idea how good you smell? How crazy it makes me?” He questioned, pulling the jeans down over his hips before getting down on his knees in front of Jared and nuzzling his crotch.

Jared’s hips pumped helplessly up into the light touch, his freed erection achingly hard against his belly, Jensen’s hot breath grazing it where his cheek was pressed against Jared’s hip. “Jensen, please. Don’t tease me,” Jared begged, trying to hold himself upright against the wall.

Jensen knelt in front of Jared and smiled up at him. “Don’t worry, Jay, I’ll take good care of you – my mate. I’ll make you beg for my knot and fuck you so hard you can’t walk straight tomorrow. All of your human friend’s are going to know you took a wolf’s dick and loved it.”

Jared moaned as Jensen rose and unbuckled the belt holding his kilt up, revealing to have no underwear underneath it, only his big dark cock curling towards his belly button from the dark blond locks of pubic hair. Jared felt a bit uncertain, for the first time, as he actually saw how huge Jensen was; he took in the sight of the knot at the base of his manhood, swelling bigger with every throb of want.

Jensen smiled fallowing Jared’s eyes and reaching down to tug on his dick a few times, massaging gently over the knot and moaning.

“C’m here,” Jared moaned, pulling Jensen in and kissing him while carefully fondling his cock and balls and mapping out all the differences to humans in his mind. God, he knew it was wrong and fucked up on quite a few levels but the fact that Jensen wasn’t human made him even hotter somehow. Just the thought of sleeping with someone with a fucking knot between his legs made Jared's body shiver in anticipation.

Jensen slipped his hands around Jared, tugging him closer so their cocks could slide up against each other and grinned when Jared couldn’t control the noises slipping from his lips.

“Bed?” Jared questioned, slipping his hands around Jensen, as well. That’s when he felt the raised sections of skin on his back and frowned.

“What’s this?”

Jensen just shrugged, looking uncomfortable.

“Could you show me? Are those scars? Did somebody hurt you?” Jared felt his breath hitch just trying to imagine someone cruel enough to hurt his beautiful and strong mate.

“It is okay, these are old. It’s okay.” Jensen mumbled, slowly turning around and revealing his back to Jared.

At first, Jared could only see the big vine pattern tattoo, twisting incredibly complex and beautiful across the broad muscles. When he leaned in, he could finally see that the tattoo was a cover for the ugly scars crisscrossing across the skin. Jared couldn’t hold in the gasp at the thought of how painful these once must have been, wondering what could have left the skin marred as bad as this.

Jensen’s shoulders were tense as he slowly turned around and answered Jared’s silent question, “It was my dad. He found out I was gay, when I was still living at home. It's considered to be a shame and abomination amongst wolves, so he kept me locked up and beat me with his belt to make me 'normal'.”

Jared hugged Jensen, pushing his face against his hair and whispering, “I’m so sorry you had to go through something like that. I’m sorry I made you bring it up.”

Jensen held him tight, sighing. “It’s okay. It wasn't your fault. This is what being mates means, sharing your life with someone – the good and the bad. I just wish we could change the public opinion, that no-one else would ever have go through what I did.”

Jared nodded and smiled. “You’re kind of amazing, you know that?”

“No, are,” Jensen said with a smile on his face. “There were so many times when I’d almost given up thinking I would never find you. When I thought I would always be alone. Finally having you here feels a bit surreal.”

Jared leaned into Jensen's hand as Jensen cupped his face and dragged thumb over his bottom lip. “I’m glad you found me,” He admitted, remembering how he, too, had always felt like he was waiting for something – someone -- to come and make him complete. Jared relaxed his body and surrender as Jensen turned them and walked him back toward the bed. He felt the edge of the mattress hit the back of knees and he dropped down, letting Jensen guide him and whisper his encouraging words and praise. The werewolf was now crawling up his body, kissing and worshiping every inch of his skin. God...not only had his mouth looked good, but it was also incredibly talented.

“Yeah. Fuck. Please,” Jared moaned, his hands caressing Jensen’s neck and shoulders, trying to encourage him on.

Jensen took his time exploring his body and finding out all the little things and spots that made Jared go crazy, whirling under him and begging. “Turn around. I need to prep you,” he explained to Jared, helping him flip onto his stomach and then guiding him to be perched on his hands and knees, his ass perfectly on display. Jensen slowly dragged his fingers over Jared’s puckered hole in a featherlight touch before reaching for the nightstand and retrieving lube. “You want us to use a condom?” He asked, suddenly remembering that they hadn’t had the discussion about safe sex.

Jared felt a bit torn – he had always used protection with his previous partners, always. Now he had the chance to feel Jensen hot inside him, marking him and claiming his body. “You clean?” He asked, resting his forehead on his folded hands.

“Yes.” Jensen nodded.

“Me, too. So I guess it’s okay if we don’t.” Jared replied, closing his eyes, just listening to his own heavy breathing for a few moments.

“Okay. Thank you.” Jensen whispered, kissing the notches on Jared’s spine while his fingers took on the task of massaging Jared’s tight hole, slicking him up properly.

Jared gasped when the first finger breached him; he had to take a few deep breaths before his body relaxed around the intrusion.

Jensen continued to slowly push it in and out, breaching him deeper with each small thrust. “’re so tight. Can’t wait to feel you around my cock, all slicked up and ready for it,” he purred, adding a second finger along the first one and starting the scissoring movements to properly stretch his mate. Jensen knew it was going to be a tight fit...maybe Jared wouldn’t even be ready to take his knot on the first try. He prayed he could do it, but at the same time he didn’t want to hurt him by pushing him too far.

“Fuck.” Jared cried out as Jensen’s fingers brushed over his prostate and sent sparks of pleasure straight to his cock and brain.

“Yeah, baby. Like it, don’t you?” Jensen grinned as he repeated the movement and got the same gasping reaction.

“Please, more. Jen, please,” Jared panted, thrusting back onto the fingers penetrating him.

“Love how eager you are for me,” Jensen praised him, biting his lip as he pushed a third finger in and watched the pink rim stretch tight around his fingers. He added more lube to his fingers before setting up a merciless pace, massaging Jared’s sweet spot with every thrust, working his fingers relentlessly in and out until Jared was calling out for him to stop.

“I’m going to come, Jen. Please. I can’t take it.”

Jensen felt his mate's body throb around his fingers. He let his left hand smooth over his back and the perfect curve of his ass. “Shh. It’s okay. I want you to come. It’ll make you more relaxed for the next part like I need you to be. I’m afraid it’s probably going to hurt you the first time. I’m much bigger than a normal human,” Jensen said, sounding worried.

Jared nodded, his body slick with sweat and his cock achingly hard between his legs. He knew Jensen was right. It only took a few more rubs across his prostate for him to shoot like a teenager all over the comforter. His vision blurred as he let himself be carried by the waves of bliss and pleasure flowing over him until he collapsed, every muscle in his body content and relaxed. Jared realized he had come untouched only as Jensen carefully tugged the ruined bedding away from under him and turned him over onto his back.

“You okay?” The werewolf asked, cleaning Jared up with a wet washcloth.

Jared nodded, smiling at his beautiful mate. “Never better.”

“You ready for this? Maybe you should get back on your hands and knees so it would be easier for you?” Jensen questioned.

Jared locked his eyes with Jensen’s green ones. “I’m ready. Like this is fine. Want to see you.”

Jensen nodded, lubing his cock up with a few careful strokes before pushing the blunt head up against Jared’s wet and loose hole. “Tell me if you want me to stop. We don’t have to go all the way tonight,” he warned him as he roughly thrust forward and Jared let out a strangled sound at the feeling of being filled by his girth. Jensen instantly stilled at the sound. “You all right?”

Jared nodded. “S’okay. You’re just so big I need some time to get used to the feel of it. Just go slow.”

Jensen bit his lip and nodded, leaning down to kiss Jared thoroughly until Jared relaxed into the kiss and his body let Jensen start with the deft thrusts. He was mesmerized by how tight Jared felt around him, how much Jared enjoyed being fucked by him – the needy little sounds made were amazing and Jensen was eager to kiss them right off his lips. He had found the best angle to hit the prostate and his thrusts were becoming increasingly deeper and powerful, his knot pressing up against the tight rim every time, slowly but properly stretching it.

“Fuck, fuck. Jensen.” Jared’s words made almost no sense anymore as he seemed to be too lost in the bliss.

“Jared this is going to hurt you if I knot you now. You’re not ready yet. We’ll have to wait till the next time,” Jensen whispered against his mate’s temple, loving the way his sweat-slick hair curled against his face and forehead, how beautifully flushed he was. He smelled like aphrodisiac and all of the alpha’s instincts were screaming at him to truly consummate their partnership.

“No, please. Want it. I can take it. Please...” Jared begged him, his irises a thin rim around his blown pupils, his body fucking itself onto Jensen’s thick manhood.

“Fuck.” Jensen mumbled, torn between stopping and pushing the limits to have his mate truly his. He held on to Jared tight, biting down on Jared's neck as he made a few powerful thrusts and finally breached Jared's body with his knot. His mate was thrashing under him, his breathing coming in short bursts as he tried to get used to the feeling of being so full. Jensen also gasped for breath, feeling his ultra-sensitive knot instantly swell in the tight cavity, locking their bodies together. Jensen turned to look at Jared and thought there were tears at the corners of his eyes as he silently laughed.

“Feels amazing.” He whispered, turning to Jensen.

Jensen nodded and grinned back at him, his hips lazily pumping as his knot kept him nicely sheathed in Jared. Jared finally asked for him to move quicker; Jensen was glad to fill his mate’s request, letting his natural instincts and alpha-ness take over as he pistoned his hips hard enough to make his balls slap against Jared’s with an obscene sound of flesh on flesh. Minutes later, they both tumbled over the edge together, so tangled up in each other, it was hard to tell where one ended and the other one began. They shared each other’s breath as they gasped for air, bodies trembling with the feelings of ecstasy and exhaustion blurring together. All they knew was that neither of them had ever felt so right or good before. It was like coming home after being lost all their lives. When Jensen flipped them over so Jared could doze on top of him, they were both silent and drifting on the feeling of pure happiness.

The silence stretched on so long that Jensen was starting to think Jared really had fallen asleep, then suddenly he heard him whisper against his ear, “Love you.”

Jensen felt his face split up with a bight grin. “Love you, too, mate,” He responded in a hushed voice and let his hand cradle through the damp curls at the back of Jared’s skull. “Are you comfy? It may take up to an hour before I can pull my knot out without hurting you.” He warned, while continuing his caressing motion.

“I’m right where I want to be,” Jared sleepily mumbled back. “If it was up to me I would stay here like this for ever.”

Jensen couldn’t help but smirk at the adorably sleepy man, while he wrapped his arms around him and listened to his breathing even out.

Despite the awesome, and exhaustive, orgasm the alpha found himself unable to sleep, just trying to imagine the future he and Jared could share together.

He could certainly see Jared having some purple highlights in his hair.