Work Header

Why nobody kidnaps DI Lestrade

Work Text:



Lestrade have a weekend off. In Saturday morning he walked in the street to buy some groceries for the dinner he planned to cook in the evening, when a van stopped next to him. Two men in mask jumped out from it to grab and tug him in the back of the van.

“Really? Guys you really don’t want to do this.”

“Shut up!”

“Fine, but I warned…” he couldn’t finish the sentence he felt a needle in his neck and everything went black.


Lestrade wake up slowly a few hours later. After a few minutes he was fully awake, he blinked around and heard approaching footsteps. The door flew open and two men step in.

“Oh you are awake. Good.”

“Yeah, you will read something for us to the camera.” They have an interesting accent, maybe some Spanish but not quite.

“Alright but I have a few question before you let me free on your own will.”

“That will not going to happen.”

“Oh it will, I’m sure. Really just a few question, but I have to tell you it is fun, being kidnapped again, that’s it. Thanks I haven’t been part this exciting stuff in a while.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Relax, don’t spoil my fun. So, the questions. I take you guys are come from South America?”


“And you didn’t find a little odd you haven’t found a man to kidnap a London copper in the UK or in Europe?”

“It was a little odd… How could you know that?”  “Why?” they asked at the same time

“Why?  We will return to this. Until, did you two sorry example of criminals heard a guy name Carlos the sloth from Venezuela? Who slowly but steadily built his cartel?”

“Yeah he was a great man.”


“Yes he had an accident while he was in the drug lab in the rainforest. The lab blown up and he died a few years ago.”

“And the explosion took the half of the hill with him, wasn’t it?”


“And you think that was an accident?”

“It was”

“Two more questions. Did you know he had a plan to overthrow the government? “

“Yes but he died before he could began with it.”

“Oh no, he died because of he took the first step in his plan. All right the billion dollar question: Did you know what the first thing in his list was?”

“An abduction; to force one of the big fish in the shadow to help with his plan.”

“True. Then back the why? Are you still don’t get it why are you didn’t find anybody for the job to kidnap me? I bet you offered a lot of money and the deal seemed is on until you named your target. Am I right?” they didn’t spoke just nodded. “Every single criminal, assassin or any sort of underworld figure backed out of the business even when you offered more money just to kidnap a simple DI of the Met and you didn’t asked why?”

“They didn’t answer to us”

“But give to you any advice?”

“To let it go, but they didn’t tell why.”

“Are you really that stupid? A drug lab hadn’t blown up by an accident that was a few missiles. It was a message, from my husband, you idiots. Carlos kidnapped me a day before and tried to blackmail Mycroft as I believe this is your goal too. He sent a photo of me in which I had a black eye and my arm was in a sling with the note from Carlos. But that was where he done the mistake. He hurt me physically and that was where Mycroft’s triggers lies. Nobody can hurt me. Until then nobody done that, just kidnapped me and sent their demands, but Carlos crossed that line. I was taken by Carlos’ men, so the answer to that was to take Carlos’ men too. It’s true the missiles took all of Carlos’ men and the half of the hill, but the message gone through. ‘Don’t touch my husband’. So as I told you the beginning of our little chat you are willingly let me free.” One of them cut the ropes as Greg continued to speak. “Oh and I suggest to you to depart from the UK immediately as long as you can.” Than he heard a gunshots “Oh never mind it’s too late.”


The door kicked open and the Mycroft’s men rushed in.

“Hello Captain Bishop. How long did it take?”

“Just a couple of hours. We waited a bit just to be sure they don’t release you when they noticed you are the one they threw in that van. We can’t believe somebody that slowly to get a message. Are you alright, Sir?”

“I’m fine thank you. If I am honest it was really refreshing, Captain. I hadn’t been kidnapped since Carlos.”

“Yeah my boys enjoyed it too.”

“Can I borrow your phone please? Mine is… oh I don’t know where it is, but I’m sure these two gentlemen will enlighten your boys to where they find my personal belongings.”

“Sure, the boss wants to hear from you ASAP.”

“Thanks Captain.” He took the phone and dialled. “Hey My… yeah I’m fine… it was a little dull but it was exciting… No I don’t know. We didn’t go that far in the conversation… From South America… Yeah Bye.”

“Mr. Holmes will deal with you two in Monday, until then enjoy Captain Bishop's and his boys’ hospitality, gentlemen. I have a dinner to make.” He turned to the Captain and handed back to his phone. “Thanks Roger”

“You are welcome Greg. Your things are waiting for you, Finley has it. He’ll drive you back.”

“Thanks Roger, Gentlemen.” He walked out of the building to Finley. “Ah Aidan how’re the kids?”

“Greg, here is your stuff. Thanks they are great. Lara has a ballet performance next week. And Liam has got a match tomorrow. Where do you want me to drive you?”

“Well I was on my way to shopping for a few groceries. If you have a time we can stop somewhere before you drop me off at home.”