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Is This Love?

Summary:

Loki is your best friend. You're in love but neither of you has any idea.

Chapter 1: Part I

Chapter Text

Is This Love?

Loki x Reader

Part I



You didn't know how long you'd been at the bar or how many drinks you'd had that night. You really didn't know what had possessed you to go out in the first place. If you were honest with yourself, the bottle of Yellowtail Shiraz in your cabinet at home had been far more appealing than the five... No, seven shots of tequila you thought you'd consumed. Thinking back as far as you could in your drunken state, you tried to remember why you'd agreed to actually get dressed. Then you saw him. Strutting toward you in his tight black jeans and green button down with his sleeves rolled up to his elbows as if he needed to look any more attractive. Loki. He was your best friend, but he was such a little shit. 

“You're a shlittle spit!” You yelled at him over the grinding beat of the club music. Your hand fell feebly against his iron chest even though you'd meant to slap the shit out of him.

He chuckled darkly and took your hand, massaging it gently between his own.

“And you're in need of something to soak up all of that tequila, my dear.”

“Hey I'm not--” You stammered, sliding off of the stool toward him. “Oh fuck.”

Whatever you were about to say was lost the moment your body began moving forward. Your stomach lurched, but not because of the liquor. You'd suddenly remembered why you both were there. You had been closed up in your apartment for weeks. Not because of physical illness or the weather, but because for whatever reason you just couldn't bring yourself to go anywhere. Connecting with other people was difficult for you on a normal basis, but lately it had been downright impossible and that made you want to hide. The only person you let inside your little self-imposed prison was Loki. He always seemed to understand. But that night was different. That night, he practically dragged you out. 

“You're a young, healthy woman! There's no reason to lie around moping about. Look at you! You're a disaster. I haven't seen you in clothing that fits in at least a month.”

You had to admit he was right, but his words had stung. And the way he'd looked at you... His eyes full of something akin to disgust…

A single tear dropped down your cheek as you braced yourself against his body for balance. Quickly looking down so he didn't notice, you righted yourself and pretended to wipe your nose, swiping the tear away as well.

“C'mon little disaster. Let's get you home and get you some food. You'll thank me tomorrow,” Loki ordered, completely oblivious to your current emotional status. 

The club was only a few blocks from your place, and since you hadn't been out in a while, you both had decided to walk there. That hadn't been the best plan. Unfortunately, you weren't walking well after consuming so much alcohol, and you were trying your best not to let Loki see how inebriated you really were. 

When you reached the stairs leading to your apartment, you decided the jig was up. There was no way you were going to make it without falling and breaking your damn neck. Without warning, you turned and plopped down on the bottom step. 

“Jus leave me. Not gon make it,” you muttered, your words slurring together. Once again, Loki laughed softly. 

“I'm not leaving you, darling. You'll get mugged. Or worse,” he said, looking around as if some unseen evil was lurking at that very moment. You'd never really understood his need to protect you, but you always appreciated it. You chalked it up to his upbringing as a prince. 

“Yeahyeah her high nass… Hey--that has ass in it!”

You realized how stupid you sounded but you just couldn't seem to stop yourself from being a world-class fool. 

Before you knew what was happening, Loki scooped you up and was carrying you up the stairs. He chuckled at your weak protests and smiled strangely when you tangled your hands in his long raven hair. 

“Sooo pretty…” You whispered just before passing out in his arms.

 

The next morning, you woke up with the worst headache of your life, and unfortunately you remembered far too much of the previous night's shenanigans. As you stumbled into your small kitchenette, you hoped Loki had gotten home alright, but startled when you heard his voice. 

“How bad do you feel?”

You closed your eyes and turned around to face him knowing you must look like death walking. 

“Awful. But I deserve it. Oh god, Loki... I'm so sorry. Why did you stay?”  

You wiped under your eyes hoping you didn't have black eyeliner smudged all over your face. You were shocked when your fingers came away clean. 

“Because you asked me to, love. Don't you remember?”

You did remember. Vividly. You just didn't know why he had actually agreed. 

“I hope you don't mind. I knew you would wake up feeling miserable, so I-- well, I washed your face while you slept. Mascara is rough on the eyes if you sleep in it.” 

For a moment, you didn't speak. You simply stood there with a handful of painkillers and a glass of water, trying not to show him just how much his actions touched you. Blinking a few times didn't stop the sudden onslaught of tears or the very unladylike sobbing snort. You didn't have the energy to run back to your room, so you just stood there with your hands over your face. Sobbing. And snorting. As if your self-esteem could get any lower. 

“I'm going to take a risk and assume that you're not that upset because I washed your face,” Loki whispered. 

A few seconds later, you felt his arms around you, and you shook your head. Immediately regretting that movement, you pulled your hands away from your face and looked up at him. His eyes were filled with something you couldn't identify. It wasn't pity, and it wasn't sadness. It was understanding. Something you hadn't felt from anyone in a long time. 

“I'm sorry. You're just... So thoughtful. I don't know why I'm crying.” 

Loki held you for a moment before answering. Then he lifted your chin with his index finger and looked into your swollen eyes.

“I do. You've been depressed for weeks, Y/N. It's the reason I dragged you out last night. Clearly I should have been more empathetic. I had no idea it was this bad.”

 

He was right, of course. You were depressed. But the infuriating part was you didn't really know why . You had a good job, a decent apartment, girlfriends you could trust, and a big lazy spotted cat named Goliath. You had a wonderful life. Why didn't you feel like living it? 

“What-- This bad?” You said, immediately defensive, even though you knew he was right. “I'm doing fine. I haven't missed work. My apartment is clean. I cook for myself…” You listed all of the things you did every day that you had begun to hate. 

“But you're not enjoying anything, are you?” Loki asked, his voice beginning to show an edge of annoyance.

You wiggled away from him even though your balance was questionable and your head felt like Mount Vesuvius just before the big eruption.

“You definitely enjoyed yourself last night, Romeo! Rubbing your dick all over any floozy that looked at you twice! You took me with you, got me wasted out of my mind and left me sitting on a bar stool while you enjoyed every woman in the club!” 

You pressed your hands to the sides of your head as if you could hold it together that way as fresh tears fell down your cheeks. You had no idea where that rant had come from and from the expression on Loki's face, he was confused as well. 

The confusion only lasted for a moment though. Loki didn't appreciate being accused of something if he hadn't done it with purpose . He narrowed his eyes at you and crossed his arms defensively.

“Are you implying that I abandoned you ? That I'm the one who poured all that liquor down your gullet while simultaneously forcing you to show that greasy bartender your breasts?”

You tried to interject; to stop him and apologize before things became much worse, but it appeared you'd pushed him past the point of no return.

“It’s perfectly fine for you to throw yourself at every half-wit who walks by, but when I want to have a bit of fun--” 

You didn’t let him finish. You were pissed that he would try to claim you were sober enough to flirt with anyone. 

“Loki Laufeyson, you are such a fucking hypocrite! You claim you are too good for mortal women; that you’d never date one seriously, but then you fuck every stupid bimbo that shows you a little skin. They crawl all over you! I guess it must be nice to not have to worry about STDs! I wonder how many half-mortal children you have strutting around this miserable planet!” 

You never yelled. You just weren’t the kind of person who raised your voice, so you’d managed to silence the notorious silver tongue, but only for a moment. 

“What the hel is STD?” He asked, tilting his head to one side. He was obviously still pissed, but he couldn’t stand to be in the dark about anything. 

You sighed and closed your eyes, pinching the bridge of your nose. 

“Sexually Transmitted Diseases. You know. Random oozing bumps on your cock...itchy rashes… that sort of thing.” 

Fuck . How you survive on this trash planet as long as you do is beyond me…” 

“And I don’t have children with any of those women. Besides, there are not nearly as many as you think there are. For fuck’s sake, Y/N, how- how could you even spend time with me if you hold that kind of opinion of me?” 

The expression on his face had softened, and his eyes had grown sad. You reached out to touch his arm as a sudden wave of guilt rushed over you, but he pulled away. 

“I think it’s time for me to go. You should rest and-- drink some water.” 

He wouldn’t even look at you as he started toward the door. Your heart plummeted to your feet. 

“Loki---”

 

You didn’t get any rest. You spent the afternoon crying, which only made your head hurt worse, and that made you sick. It couldn’t have been the half-gallon of tequila. All you could think about was that look on Loki’s face. He’d been so hurt . Why had you said those things in the first place? Why were you suddenly so jealous of him flirting with women? You knew he was only doing it for attention. That was just his way. 

You picked up the phone to call him more than once, but lost your nerve. You knew he didn’t want to talk to you. He was probably laying naked with one of those brainless twats from the club. Why did that thought make your stomach churn? 

He had spent so much time with you over the last few months, especially when you had refused to leave your apartment. You felt silly being so stubborn, but you were almost afraid of people after everything you’d been through. First, a friend had betrayed you at work. Then you’d lost your job; one you really liked. And to make matters worse, that same friend had spread rumors that you were sleeping with your boss. It was enough to make a person feel like they’d been ejected from society. 

But you hadn’t expressed all of that to Loki. He only really knew the facts, but he had still been so empathetic. You thought of all the evenings he sat with you on the couch watching the same movie over and over again just because it made you smile. You closed your eyes, remembering the night he thought you’d fallen asleep on the couch, and he carried you to your bed- and you’d let him even though you were awake. 

“Oh fuck.”