Chapter 1: Shit Happens.
Cocaine. Heroin. Weed. Alcohol.
Was there any difference? For Bucky Barnes, he couldn’t careless. As long as it gave him the feeling of forgetting who he was, that’s all that matters to him. His band, The Winter Soldier, had just finished performing in ten other countries for their international tour and now resided back in their home of New York City. Though, the fun was just beginning again when one of Bucky’s managers, Tony Stark (and a party animal himself), hosts a party to celebrate their growing success.
Their band consisted of four members: Bucky Barnes as the lead singer, Sam Wilson as bassist, Steve Rogers was on drums, and Natasha Romanoff who plays guitar and also sings. Their music was crazy popular among young adults and teens who probably rebel on a daily basis.
Though with the party that was currently on-going in Tony’s mansion, Bucky was having a hard time focusing on what was going on in front of him when the rest of the party noise was happening around him. Girls sat beside him or laid on him like arm candy on the couch and while he would be busy with them, something serious was happening.
“I can’t keep doing this, you guys!” Natasha fumed to Steve, Sam, and Bucky. Steve and Sam did their best to calm her down but she already had enough with Bucky’s shit.
“Come on, Natasha. Why don’t we take this somewhere so we don’t cause a scene.” Steve offered. Natasha flipped him off in annoyance.
“Cause a scene? I’ll cause a scene if I want to! But look at what Bucky has been doing!” She pointed at him. “Yeah we had our share of fun after international performances but each time, he gets high off his ass and the next day when we do sound checks and perform live he does terribly!” Bucky was now pushing himself off the couch but in such a manner that Natasha could tell he wasn’t functioning properly. It pissed her off even more.
“Natasha… why don’t you chill the fuck out for once and stop worrying about me?” He countered, almost stumbling to the ground if it weren’t for Sam to hold him up.
“Fuck you all. I’m done with the band. You guys are stupid to support this drug addict. One day he won’t make it to the day he’s twenty-eight years old.” Natasha stomped off after mentioning the infamous twenty-seven club. She was never to be seen again in the future but for Bucky, he stopped his men from pursuing after her.
“Let that bitch be. She was ungrateful anyways ‘cause she was never able to get this dick.” Bucky grabbed at his crotch playfully before laughing and sitting back with his girls. Steve and Sam gave each other one look, worried now about their future of the band as Natasha’s words finally sunk in.
On the other hand during the night that The Winter Soldier partied, word broke out to the news that your band, The LadyKillers, were scheduled to perform for their last time tonight. You, Wanda, and Carol gave your all in one of the biggest venues of New York for the one final performance and while the media couldn’t begin to explain why your band was breaking up, it was amongst you and your ladies about why. Carol and Wanda felt that the gig wasn’t for them anymore and while you found it to be stupid, they were encouraging you to start a solo career.
The idea was amazing and when you told your shit manager and father, he had other words to say about it. “You’re band is not famous enough for you to be able to go on a solo career. We need you to be stable before that happens.”
“What? What do you mean?”
“No worries. I’ve gotten a call from Tony Stark from The Winter Soldier to get you a firsthand audition. You know they racked up millions of dollars on their international performance! Could this day get any better?” You manager laughed aloud. You groaned as your father was always talking about money. He always got rich off of you and while you wanted so badly to have things your way, he didn’t budge an inch at any of your requests.
“But dad! I don’t like Bucky Barnes! It’s either I’m going solo or not singing at all!” You protested, hoping that your father would give in to your first choice but instead, his tone became low like a growl.
“You’re not wasting your talent, YN. You do as I say or I am going to release those photos and that information I got on you back when you were twenty-three. Do you want that to swarm around in the media?”
You were shocked to hear that your father would blackmail you but you were more worried about your career to fight him about it. In seeing your face drop horrendously, he smirked proudly at himself for the comeback. He didn’t want to have to do this but if you were ever to disobey him, he could easily turn your life upside down and have all your fans become enemies.
And that would be more damaging to your dream solo career.
Chapter 2: FML.
“Get your ass up, Barnes. We have a problem.” Tony spoke as he harshly shook Bucky awake. Bucky had stayed the night, sleeping soundly on the couch but as he blinked his eyes open, a killer headache ran through his head. He slowly pushed himself upright and noticed that none of his girls were beside him except that Steve and Sam sat on chairs in front of him.
“Here, take this.” Sam offered him a small white tablet along with a large glass of water. Bucky thanked him before swallowing the pill and chugging the water like a madman.
“What’s going on Tones?” Bucky asked, setting down the glass on a small table beside him. Tony was seen pacing back and forth behind Steve and Sam and all three could tell how worried he was.
“We just got our asses saved.” Tony answered, still pacing back and forth but now biting at the tip of his thumb. “You’re lucky an angel came down from Heaven and fixed the devilish decision you made.” Bucky looked confused, wondering what decision he had made that was so wrong. Though in this case, that turned out to be many for he wasn’t as disciplined as Sam and Steve were.
“Yo… he’s talking about how we lost Natasha last night. You don’t remember?” Sam questioned Bucky in a whisper as if he was trying to hide it from Tony. Bucky had no recollection of last night except his fun with the girls so he shook his head.
Tony had heard Sam and seen Bucky’s response to it and he immediately went off on the man. “God damn it, Bucky! You idiot! You just lost one of our best singers and guitarists! You can’t possibly think about the future... ever?” Tony continued lecturing but was now in between Sam and Steve and gripping tightly on the edge of the chairs and practically yelling in their ears. “You have another tour in about a month and it’s hard to find someone new who could learn all the songs and melodies.” Tony was fuming at this point and one wrong response from Bucky would have his manager going ballistic.
“Okay okay. I’m sorry, Tones. At least we found someone!” Bucky replied, acting all innocent. He then asked, wondering who the new replacement was. “Who’s the new singer?”
“You’ll find out soon enough. All of you. Wear something decent and for the love of God don’t smell like how you do now. Show some respect.” Even though it was meant for all of them, Tony stared directly at Bucky. Tony left the men to go about their business while Bucky rolled his eyes. He quickly caught a whiff of his shirt and pulled away at the smell. Tony was right. He needed a shower.
You were to meet The Winter Soldier bandmates at Tony’s recording studio in Stark Industries. You were slightly annoyed at how your father kept pressuring you instead of encouraging you to be yourself. He wanted you to be all innocent and whenever you were asked something, your father would be the one to say it for you, even if it was not true. All your father wanted was a good contract with their manager and if that meant for you to act far from yourself… so be it.
You arrived at the recording studio on time and entered inside the room where a large piano, a couple of mixers, and computers surrounded the area. While your eyes were drawn onto the piano and it’s sleek black cover, you could help but also notice three men in the room. One was older than the both with short brunette hair and odd but fitting glasses. He wore a grey suit and red tie and you immediately knew he had to be the manager.
On one side was a man with sandy blonde hair and a tight blue shirt that showed off his pecs. His blue eyes were enticing and you hadn’t realized that he was introducing himself. “Hey. I’m Steve Rogers.”
“YN. YN LN.” You replied quickly, trying to play off that you weren’t ogling at the man. Beside the man in the suit was also another man with a darker complexion. He had short black hair and chocolate eyes. Your first impression of both was that they’re not that bad looking.
“Nice to meet you, YN. I’m Sam Wilson.” He playfully winked at you which caused you to blush. Your father saw this and protectively stood in front of the both of you before looking at Tony.
“Hello, Mr. Stark. What a pleasure to meet you.” Your father greeted with excitement. Tony nodded, not taking your father’s hand that he held out.
“Nice to meet you, Mr. LN and you too, YN.” Tony turned away and looked down at his watch, totally ignoring your father’s gesture. He retracted his hand and you smirked but lowly under Tony’s breath you could hear him cursing. “Where the heavens are you?”
You realized then at the moment that Bucky Barnes wasn’t in the room with you. In fact, he was late! You shook your head in disappointment because you knew that this was his character. Steve and Sam shared disappointed looks at one another and your father let out a deep sigh.
“I’m sorry, it seems that my singer Bucky Barnes isn’t here. Let’s not waste time and-”
“I’m here!” Bucky ran inside the room while panting heavily which made Tony sigh of relief that he showed up. “God, there are so many girls throwing themselves at me.” He spoke once more while catching his breath. He was doubled over with his hands on his knees and after giving himself a couple of seconds, he lifted his head up to scan the room. He locked eyes with you and immediately straightened his posture.
“Bucky, this is--” Bucky interrupted Tony and walked over to you with his dashing smile. You had your arms crossed and eyebrows raised and as he approached you, he gave his smouldering look.
“I’m Bucky Barnes, baby. And who are you?” He casually flirted.
“Not interested.” You and your father replied in unison. You both looked at one another before returning back to Bucky in a shocked expression.
He looked so confused at the two of you. “Sorry wait… are you two like… dating?” He questioned in curiosity, seeing the discrepancy between your age and your father’s age.
“Hell no!” You yelled at him in shock. “That’s my father. Jesus Christ.” Your father clenched his fists tightly, not at Bucky assuming that you were dating (which he found weird nonetheless) but the fact that you yelled back at Bucky. This was what you two had promised to not engage in since it would be bad for business, yet you couldn’t help yourself.
“Sorry, Mr. Barnes for her attitude . Yes, this is my daughter. Though, I would like it if you don’t flirt with her.” Bucky seemed to understand. He nodded before backing away and letting the attention turn back to Tony.
“Alright…” Tony began. “Well for the audition, I was wondering if YN can sing these lyrics for our new song, Sweater Weather . It was written by our previous member so we aren’t sure of what the sound will be like” You were handed a sheet of lyrics from Sam which you took. You looked them over before giving a thumbs up.
“Okay then.” You simply said. All five men looked at you, patiently waiting. Though you frowned at their looks. “Is there any music?”
Bucky laughed out loud. “No! This is an audition. When we had our girl she could sing any song without music and still make it sound good. It’s all about how you sing that will determine what our sound is.” Interesting. Though, you hated him so you didn’t want to listen to him.
Steve was the next to add on. “It’s weird but try to imagine a beat and possibly some instruments playing in that pretty little head of yours.”
Alright. You got this. You held up the lyric sheet and stared at the lyrics before starting.
All I am is a man / I want the world in my hands / I hate the beach / But I stand in California with my toes in the sand
Use the sleeves of my sweater / Let's have an adventure / Head in the clouds but my gravity's centered / Touch my neck and I'll touch yours / You in those little high waisted shorts, oh
She knows what I think about / And what I think about / One love, two mouths / One love, one house / No shirt, no blouse / Just us, you find out / Nothing that wouldn't wanna tell you about no
(Chorus) 'Cause it's too cold whoa / For you here and now / So let me hold whoa / Both your hands in the holes of my sweater
And if I may just take your breath away / I don't mind if there's not much to say / Sometimes the silence guides our minds to / So move to a place so far away
The goosebumps start to raise / The minute that my left hand meets your waist / And then I watch your face / Put my finger on your tongue / 'Cause you love the taste yeah
These hearts adore, / Every other beat the other one beats for / Inside this place is warm / Outside it starts to pour…
“Okay! I think that’s enough Ms. LN!” Your attention was cut off by Tony’s voice. You lowered the paper and looked at how everyone was looking at you, they were genuinely impressed. You had truly used your talent to blow The Winter Soldier and his management away. “You’re welcomed to the team. I think if you sing like that, the boys can make up another hit today!”
Your father was insanely happy and began talking to Tony about business and a potential contract. While he was doing his own thing, Steve and Sam congratulated you while Bucky looked bored. “Wow can you guys shut up for a moment?” He questioned aloud. You looked over at him with a frown.
“Why should we? If it weren’t for me, your band wouldn’t exist anymore.” You replied with confidence.
He gave you that ‘oh really?’ look before smirking to himself. “Says you. You’re own band just disbanded if I remember correctly. It takes one to know one but at least my band still exists.” His cocky smile and attitude made you want to punch him in his well-structured face. You only glared at him before your attention was set on Tony and your father who came to agreement on the contract and conditions.
“Listen up everyone!” Tony called out. “Well YN was astounding so no need for a replacement anymore. Your father and I will sign you with the band but he has one condition for you.”
“Don’t go party like an animal.” Your father said, giving you the one condition to follow. You obliged, immediately regretting that he said that to you since it triggered some memories of who you were from before and because of it, you changed for the better.
“I won’t.” You promised.
Tony clasped his hands together and with an announcement, he began. “That settles everything. How about you show YN everything and start recording that new song?” He asked Steve, Sam, and Bucky. With you and Bucky meeting on the wrong foot, you scrunch your nose in disgust while he rolled his eyes.
“Alright. Whatever.” He mumbled before leading you into the recording room. You were more than glad that Steve and Sam were following behind you. Then in a baby voice, Bucky began explaining all the equipment that you already knew. “This-this is a microphone. Say it with me, YN. Mic-ro-phone.” This was going to be a long day. You would be a beast to go through the entire day and through recording without ripping his head off. Testing your patience was risky but Bucky was known for pushing everybody’s buttons.
In the end, you just had to remind yourself of your plan. You needed to get through the day and eventually band meetings until you’re popular enough to become solo. It may take a while to accomplish but that doesn’t mean that this will take rest of your life. You just need to remind yourself that murder and blackmail are not the answer.
Please help me God.
Chapter 3: The Composition
To your surprise, you and Bucky hadn’t talked for the rest of the time, only bantering minimally when you were to record the song. He had suggested one sound while you suggested another and while Sam and Steve watched you both arguing, you both agreed to incorporate one another’s sound into the song.
And it turned out amazingly.
Bucky’s vocals had been a bit off on the track but otherwise, yours were amazing in the chorus. Along with Steve and Sam playing instruments just as you had played around with a guitar, you would say that if you polished it a bit then everything else would be amazing. Bucky gave Tony and your father a listen and up until the end, Tony was feeling prideful of himself just as your father was.
“This is a great one! I would just re-record again to fix Bucky’s vocal errors but everything else sounds great!” Everyone cheered except Bucky, who was puzzled by Tony’s words.
“Yo Tones, why my vocals?” Tony turned around on his swivel chair that he had been sitting in to face Bucky.
“I just heard that your voice was a bit… raspy, Buck. Maybe it was from the party last night. Who knows?” You had been smirking and hiding it behind your hair while Bucky crossed his arms, fixing at his shirt uncomfortably. Tony then spoke up once more. “I think that we’ve had enough. We can record again tomorrow.”
This meant that your time was to finally leave. It showed in your attitude when you happily made your way to the door and before you could even open and sing a goodbye, Sam had spoken up.
“Wait. Shouldn’t we invite her to dinner tonight? We should celebrate as a band.” You mentally cursed Sam and before you could deny, your father sprung up from his chair.
“She would love to! Where is it at?” Sam took the response as if it came from your mouth. Bucky and you groaned aloud, hoping that you both wouldn’t have to see one another anymore.
“Sounds good. There’s this great restaurant called Greene’s Diner but the only thing is, it’s band members only.” Your father slowly sunk down again, brushing off the thought.
“Oh. That’s okay. I had something to do around dinner anyways.” He falsely chuckled. You were in relief that he wouldn’t have to come. You couldn’t stand him any longer in his business form. For this time, you preferred to hang out with Bucky and his crew than your father. How odd.
Arriving at Greene’s Diner, you along with Sam and Steve had been laughing over your different band stories.
“Yeah, girls were fawning over me and throwing their bras on stage.” You laughed aloud as you recalled one memory. “It was kind of hot though, seeing all of their boobs bouncing in tight ass shirts.”
Steve and Sam had continued to laugh while Bucky followed behind, keeping more to himself which was unusual for the out-going singer. Upon hearing your comments, he was surprised to hear how casual you were talking about female anatomy which was the opposite of Natasha who was well-reserved about it.
“Here, how about we sit here?” You questioned as you randomly pointed to a booth and slid in with Sam sitting next to you and Steve about to go on the other side.
“Wait, what about our usual seats?” Bucky asked with emphasis, wondering why his friends were listening to you. He then pointed beside him to another booth that was closer to the bar.
“Come on man. It doesn’t matter. Just get up if you want to order a drink.” Sam replied, hoping this wouldn’t escalate. Bucky refused his suggestion and kept motioning over to the booth.
You sighed, wondering why he was acting so childish so you stepped in. “Buck, why does it matter so much to you?”
“Because I’m the head of the band and you all are supposed to follow after me. Anyways this booth isn’t beside the bar and what’s the best way to celebrate a dinner other than with drinks?”
You were annoyed with his dictating response and both Sam and Steve mumbled a ‘sorry’ before sliding out of their seats. You groaned out loud before stomping and sitting in the booth that Bucky had been adamantly wanting to move to.
“You are so childish.” You mumbled under your breath. You were still sitting beside Sam and across from Steve. Though, with Bucky feeling grand that he still got his friends to follow him, he felt defeated when all three of you picked up on the conversation without him.
“There was this one perfomance where Steve had his shirt off while playing the drums and we have never seen so many girls faint.” Sam laughed as he pointed at his friend, who embarrassingly tried to cover his face.
“I wouldn’t be surprised. Steve, you're buff as hell.” Steve blushed even further at you.
“It’s exactly why I don’t have my shirt off anymore.” He replied, recovering from how hot his face felt. You had laughed, trying to imagine what girls fainting over Steve’s body was like when suddenly a dolled-up waitress came by with curly brunette hair and plump lips doused in red lipstick.
“Hiya Bucky!” She greeted excitedly with a shrill voice. She completely disregarded the presence of all of you. It was a bit insulting and Steve caught your attention about it.
Steve secretly mouthed to you. “She always does this. You’ll get used to it.” You then nodded, watching back and forth as flirtatious comments were being made between Bucky and the waitress, Dot.
“How are you, beautiful? You got our orders ready?” Dot had smiled widely, nodding at Bucky. You noticed that she had been playing with her apron nervously while he was busy staring at her dècolletage, making you gag to yourself.
“I’ve got everything. Just for you, Barnes.” Dot winked, then walking away with her hips swaying side to side for him to stare. You were confused, wanting to call her back since she hadn’t gotten your order.
“The hell? Did she just assume my order or something? I didn’t get to order!” You asked, feeling baffled as you had spent some time prior to looking at the menu and figuring out what you wanted to eat.
“Yeah, she probably thought you were Natasha. She usually gets a burger, fries, and a strawberry shake that she shares with me.” Steve spoke up. It wasn’t what you had in mind but you stuck with the food.
“Wanna share a shake then?” You questioned playfully, making Steve laugh it off. Bucky rolled his eyes, wanting to vomit at you both.
“Could you guys take this somewhere else? We’re about to eat.” He mumbled ignorantly under his breath. Though, with you and Steve planning on sharing your drink, the two of you didn’t hear it until… “OW!” You turned to Bucky who was eyeing Sam.
Sam had heard Bucky’s comment and kicked him in the shin because of it. “Oh, sorry Bucky.” He falsely apologized, pretending that he didn’t just do that. “Didn’t notice how small the foot space was.”
Bucky bit at his tongue, trying not to curse his friend out. Yet, he dropped it when Dot came by with the plates of food. “Here you go, baby!” She said eagerly as she placed down the food while bending over the table to reach him, showing more cleavage in the uniform to Bucky who couldn’t help but look. “Dig in.”
“Is she always this peppy?” You questioned after she left while grabbing at a fry and biting into the hot, crunchy potato. Sam snickered at the question as he started digging into his own food.
“More than you know. Buck’s got her wrapped around his finger.” You obviously weren’t surprised but Bucky only shrugged as he ate his usual meal but this time, in silence.
“Alright YN.” Steve started. “Tell us about yourself.” He rested his arms on the table and his hands were folded together. You offered Steve some of your shake and he had taken a sip while you thought of what to say.
After figuring out what to say to them you had kept it neutral as possible. “Okay then. I’m twenty-five and I used to sing for The LadyKillers. My mother died when I was five and since then, it has always been me and my father.” Steve nodded, taking a bite of his own food.
“It seems that you don’t like him for some reason. I could just tell.” He added further. “How come?” You were surprised that he could pick up on it. Were you that obvious to dislike him?
“Well…” You paused, seeing how Bucky was now closely listening in to your conversation even if you didn’t want him to. “When it was me and my father, he found out my talent for singing at a young age and since then, he would grow my popularity from it. I guess... I’m just annoyed that he has become controlling about it. It wasn’t really my choice to join your band though.” Sam looked at you as if he had been shot. His hand was over his chest, messing around with you.
“I am hurt!” He laughed.
You countered back with your eyes rolled and a smirk. “Oh come on, we just met!” Sam agreed. Unexpectedly Bucky began to whisper to Steve.
“Hey Steve, can you scoot over so I can get out. I got to use the bathroom.” Steve listened and allowed him to get out. You watched him leave to the long hallway where the bathrooms were located and could see Dot standing by with a cigarette in between her red fingernails. She had been waiting for him to do some business .
“He can’t keep his dick in his pants for once. Can he?” You mumbled, turning back to eat. Steve shook his head and stole some of Bucky’s onion rings, making Sam do the same.
“I don’t complain. During these times, we get extra food.”
Chapter 4: Realize.
“I like it. It really fits our style.”
“You’re an amazing songwriter.”
“That was quick!”
Steve, Sam, and Tony all had complimented your talent for writing a new song for The Winter Soldier. You had been tossing around lyrics and singing them to how you wanted it to sound and each member approved.
All except Bucky who gave his opinion. “I think it’s alright.” He shrugged, not elaborating on it. You should’ve ignored it but it was always back and forth between the two of you with something as small as this.
“What do you mean, Barnes? Do you think you can do better?” You questioned tauntingly.
He shrugged again. “Yeah. Probably I could.”
“Pfft. That’s bullshit, Barnes. Ever since that time you tried your first line of coke; your mind has been boggled since.” Tony informed, making the singer put up his middle finger at him.
“You all don’t believe me? I’ll make a good song sometime. Just wait.” He immediately crossed his arms and sat back in his chair. Sam and Steve had been so done with your bantering but they couldn’t afford to lose you now, not when you became an important asset to the team. Lucky for them, you couldn’t leave the band even if you wanted to with your father and Tony signing you for a contract.
“Why don’t we just sing the song? We still got to make a new album.” Sam intervened, making Steve hop on the train too.
“Yeah. Let’s record the song. I’ve got a good beat with it.” You got up too, looking over the lyrics and singing it in your head. You followed them inside while Bucky contemplated his own thoughts. Each moment with you, he was getting more and more pissed off. He despised you and wished Natasha never left the group but she has and that was the consequence of his stupid actions.
He finally entered the room and stood by his own mic, getting handed a sheet of music to read from. “Start at the beginning on Steve’s count.” He announced, waiting for Steve to give an order.
Steve smacked his sticks together. “T. W. S. Go!” Bucky started singing while the rest of you played your designated instruments. You had all been jamming out with the rock band energy you gave off and in the moment, everything was going great.
If things were different, we were young / Skinny dipping, having fun, I remember / Back in , when the story first begun, I remember (I remember) / All of these shells, holding the things I've done / I knew myself before I knew anyone
And cause we all chew gum, we all have fun with water guns / La da da da da da, da da dum dum dum / And we all grew up, shit got tough / Shit just wasn't simple enough
And whenever the sun came out, we played / (We didn't want to get older, we didn't want to get older) / We would run on the block all night and day / (We didn't want to get older)
What a mistake, saying the way I felt / I say my name influences myself / And cause I started young, I learned it done, I didn't run / La da da da da da / I was scared as fuck and out of touch, and I was still testing my luck, oh
And whenever the sun came out, we played / (We didn't want to get older, we didn't want to get older) / We would run on the block all night and day / (We didn't want to get older, we didn't want to get older) / And whenever the sun came out, we played / (We didn't want to get older, we didn't want to get older) / I left myself in the alleyway
You had named the song Alleyways just because it felt right with the story you were telling in the lyrics. You had strummed a killer guitar sound in the back while also singing backup vocals. After finishing up the song, Tony had been listening to the performance and was astonished by the product.
He complimented you on it. “I absolutely loved it! You really are talented YN. I was kind of surprised when your father wanted you to have an audition when you could’ve made your own music and gone solo.” He suggested which was a bit funny to you. That was exactly what you wanted to do. Though, you laughed it off since the thoughts of your father were in the back of your mind and you didn’t want to be reminded of them. Steve and Sam grabbed at your shoulder and each of them hugged you. Bucky only stood in front of you and nodded before moving away.
Tony had told you all that you were done once again for recording but before you left, you asked if you could borrow the recording studio for the rest of the day. “Can I borrow it for today? I promise I won’t mess anything up.” Tony allowed you and you thanked him heavily, already having your own plans for writing out your music.
“Bye everyone. See you tomorrow.” You said as they all left the room. You immediately closed the door and ran to your small bag to take out your writing journal where you wrote out your thinking and songs. You flipped through the page until you found the one you needed. Daddy Issues . You wrote it the day after you had eaten with Steve and Sam since the talk about your father prompted that you did have issues like this.
You had gotten your guitar and began tuning it to your liking and once you got it to the right pitch, you began playing it softly while reading the lyrics and messing around with how it should sound.
Take you like a drug / I taste you on my tongue / You ask me what I'm thinking about / I'll tell you that I'm thinking about / Whatever you're thinking about / Tell me something that I forget / But you might have to tell me again / It's crazy what you do for fame
Bucky realized that before he left Stark Industries, he forgot to grab his leather jacket and immediately ran up to get it in the room. He didn’t want to bother you (but more so he wanted to avoid you as much as he could even if it was impossible) so he was just going to make it a quick in and out trip.
As he entered, he could see light coming from the recording booth. The room you were in was soundproof so you couldn’t hear that Bucky was there. He scanned the room for his jacket and grabbed it off the chair but took a while longer to leave since he really took a good look at you performing.
You had strung at your guitar with such passion and sang your heart out. It made his own heart flutter which he had no control over. He then paid attention to your song, listening closely to the lyrics.
Go ahead and cry little girl / Nobody does it like you do / I know how much it matters to you / I know that you got daddy issues / And if you were my little girl / I'd do whatever I could do / I'd run away and hide with you / I love that you got daddy issues / And I do too
You messed up on the guitar and let out a frustrated sigh, quickly stopping all of the playing. Bucky saw as you would grab at your hair and put it into an attempted ponytail but it was a bit messy for a lot of your hair had been falling out already. He observed your features closely and admired how concentrated you were. In his eyes, he thought of you as beautiful in a simple way.
‘You do not like her, Barnes.’ He spoke to himself as he hushed his mind. He then heard the door open and Bucky’s heart dropped. He wanted to sprint but his fight/flight/freeze response made him stay in his spot.
You were about to grab your bag when you were startled by the person standing in front of you amidst the dark. “What the hell!”
“Ahhh!” Bucky yelled back, just as scared as you were. You immediately tuck your songbook into your bag to hide it.
“What are you doing here?” You questioned, partially upset for his intrusion.
He held up his jacket. “Forgot this.” He replied. “I-uh… night.” He then mumbled, turning on his heel and walking out. Before he could make his way into the hall and dash out of the building, you stopped him.
“Wait! Bucky?” He turned to face you, surprised that you would call him.
“Did you see anything?” Bucky wasn’t sure why that was of concern but he lied.
“Nope. I just grabbed my jacket.” You gave a curt nod, turning to grab at your bag. Bucky looked down at the floor feeling nervous and walked out. As he was ready to go home, he couldn’t help but think about you and your singing. No doubt that you were good but your voice was beautiful. Even your song? It gave him chills at that moment. He wasn’t even sure why you hated him so much but for some reason in him, he doesn’t have any reason to hate you back but only that he would play along to it.
He just seemed to enjoy making you angry. However, the more he thought about you, the more Bucky started to realize something in him.
He was starting to like you.
Chapter 5: Party Animal.
“If I don't have you with me, I'm alone. I never know which way to go… I-I...” Bucky shook his head as he tried thinking of new lyrics. He had been concentrating hard but it came impossible under the influence of the alcohol he consumed. He placed his music sheet down with only a couple of scribbled words before laying on his couch and breathing out loud. “Why is this so hard?” He asked himself.
It was weird to see Bucky so clean . He had come to the recording studio on time--no-- earlier than when all of you were to meet. He also wore nicer clothing like a simple black graphic tee and blue jeans from his usual outfit of ripped jeans and a baggy shirt. Sam and Steve were surprised but didn’t question it.
“Morning.” Bucky greeted everyone, including you with a generous smile. You weren’t sure what was up with him and you had every reason to have your doubts. Though, you too did not question his intentions.
“You’re early, Barnes.” Tony announced as he was the last to walk in with the group. “Are you ready to write new music?” He was more than. From seeing you last night, he felt the need to be more laid back with you, to start getting back on the right track with you. It would be weird for him to do so usually because he was used to being the one in charge. Also from seeing how truly beautiful you looked last night, he felt energized after giving himself a good jacking to arrive early and sober.
“Let’s get to the music.” Bucky appraised as he sat in one of the chairs beside you. You frowned at him but turned to look at Steve and Sam.
“Okay… so I thought of some lyrics and they might be a good start. I wanted you all to check it out.” You spoke, taking out a lyrics sheet with your new composition, Wires . It was a bit depressing but the meaning behind it tells the story of a musician who has fallen victim to a corrupt record label. Not saying that it was you to Tony, but it might be hinting at your problem with your father for not letting you go solo.
Bucky took a sheet from you and read over the lyrics. He could already tell that this song was personal to you but he was uncomfortable to ask about it. “I-I think it’s another good piece, YN.” He complimented, forcing a smile to you.
You gave a curt nod without verbally thanking him. “I appreciate it, Bucky. Now are you bullshitting me?” Everyone was thrown off by your question but Bucky had crushed the paper tightly.
He calmed himself, closing his eyes and breathing deeply before speaking in a low and controlled tone. “I don’t see what your problem is YN. I’m just trying to be nice to you.” You scoffed at him and Sam looked uncomfortable while Steve was tensed up.
“Okay. Sure. If the lyrics are good then I think we should record.”
Bucky gave you space in the recording room, thinking you might be on your lady days. If you were, that was totally fine and he would respect you completely as being a dick and all. Yet, if you weren’t, he would not understand why you would be rude at his nice comment.
“T. W. S. Go!” Steve signaled by smacking his drum sticks together before all of you began.
We talked about making it / I'm sorry that you never made it / And it pains me just to hear you have to say it / You knew the game and played it / It kills to know that you have been defeated / I see the wires pulling while you're breathing / You knew you had a reason / It killed you like diseases / I can hear it in your voice while your speaking you can't be treated / Mr. Know it all had his reign and his fall / At least that's what his brain is telling all
After Bucky sang the first verse, you both synchronized into the chorus.
(Chorus) If he said help me kill the president / I'd say he needs medicine / Sick of screaming let us in / The wires got the best of him / All that he invested in goes / Straight to hell / Straight to hell / Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
It continued onto the pattern where you would only jump in during the chorus. The chemistry during singing was the only way the two of you had mutually gone along but even still, you and Bucky would never be on good terms unless it would be necessary in public.
After finishing the song, you all had a listen and were prideful of it. The music was slow and down beat which really redefined your music as more… dark in meaning . Tony though was still happy that a third song had come out. If you were to finish writing the album and producing music, it could mean another year of concerts rather than having a one year break to write the music. Your father would definitely be happy about that.
“You know.” Tony tapped his chin for a moment. “My friend, Stephen Strange, contacted me that he’s having a small gathering tonight and needs some entertainment. You all up to perform one of the new songs?” You all searched each other for answers and it was determined in your happy stature that this was a moment of affirmation.
“Yeah!” Everyone cheered. Even though you weren’t sure if you could go to the party, you could convince your dad that it would be important since you would be performing. You had left the room to call him about it.
“Hey dad?” You asked as he picked up on the first ring.
“How are you, doll? Finished recording already?”
“Yeah. Though, Tony said that he had a friend who wanted us to perform tonight. Can I go?”
There was a slight pause from your father before he responded in a neutral yet questioning tone. “Is this like… a party?”
You didn’t exactly lie. You quoted Tony in his words. “No, I was told that it’s a small gathering. I won’t drink or do drugs if there are any.” You then mumbled, hoping that your father would still let you go.
“Alright. Just make sure you come home when you’re done performing. Have fun. I love you.”
“I love you too, dad.”
The party wasn’t until later, around nine at night. It gave you enough time to be with your former band members from The LadyKillers who wanted to help you pick out some new clothing for tonight and to catch up on the gossip. For Steve and Sam they had offered Bucky to go eat at Greene’s Diner but he declined. They left without him but were puzzled because Bucky never had said no to eating at Greene’s Diner. The singer stayed in his apartment to continue writing his song, wanting to prove you wrong that he could write his music just like before. He also wanted to practice remembering the lyrics so he could perform it right.
While you, Wanda, and Carol were shopping at the mall, you stopped by a small boutique with pretty dresses. You stood in front of the window and envisioned yourself as if you were wearing one of them and spinning around.
“Why don’t you get a dress here?” Wanda nudged you as she opened the door to enter. You shook your head, backing away into Carol.
“Not my style.” You waved your hands in disapproval. Wanda could see you lying through your eyes and from knowing you for many years.
“Nonsense, girl! Let’s go inside so you can try it on!” Carol exclaimed as she pulled you in by your wrist. You laughed with them and entered and were entranced by all the dresses. They were pretty from their bright colors and the material was plush. Wanda and Carol split to the ends of the shop and began searching while you observed their smaller items like jewelry.
After ten minutes passed, Carol and Wanda came back together with a bunch of clothing in their arms. “Go try these on!” Wanda encouraged you as she guided you into one of the dressing rooms. You were a bit nervous but they gave you the clothes and shoved you inside the small room.
Carol and Wanda patiently waited until you came out with the first outfit and they shook their head. “It doesn’t look right. Try a different one.” You obliged and went back inside to try the next outfit.
Once more, for about two more times of changing into more outfits, Carol and Wanda shook their heads and gave a thumbs down at the clothes. It was until you came out with a white dress with cherry patterns printed all over that Wanda squealed at the look. Carol jumped up to look in the mirror with you.
“This… this is the outfit!” She said excitedly. “Oh my god, I will style your hair and you can wear some red heels and diamond earrings.” She was super excited to doll you up for tonight.
You were just happy that you finally found a good outfit for tonight. It made you feel good to wear a dress for the first time in forever and look into the mirror despite wearing some jeans and a shirt everyday. You bought the dress and drove over to Carol’s home who gave you the beauty care treatment. Wanda took care of your hair while Carol did your makeup.
If I don’t have you with me, I’m alone. I never know which way to go. You know I never know which way to go. I think I need you with me forever for all-time. When I need new direction for my mind.
Bucky had trouble coming up with the first verse. ‘It’s a lot harder to write.’ He thought, covering his face into his hands with a deep sigh escaping his chest. He had been working on the song for over two hours now and in that same time, you could’ve already written ten new songs.
He decided to put his paper and pen down, not wanting to frustrate himself anymore. Maybe he should just give up on writing a song since he felt he wouldn’t accomplish anything from it. He got up from his usual spot on the couch and prepared for the party. He’ll probably just wear the same outfit from this morning; it wasn’t like it was very dirty.
He took a shower while contemplating about you again and what you might wear tonight. He felt himself become hard from the thought and he groaned from stroking at his length. He pumped himself slowly, guiding his hand while the other held on the wall in front. He imagined that you were sucking him off and the image of you on your knees while looking up with doe eyes got him off and cumming all over the walls. He quickly cleaned up after himself and the wall before getting out the shower. While standing in front of the fogged mirror, he cleaned it off and took a good look at his face.
He looked pale . He looked tired. He looked not so good at all. He laughed at himself for it and pushed it to the back of his mind. All he had to focus on was the performance and you. He even thought of ways on how to strike up a conversation with you.
Finished with your makeup and hair, you thanked Wanda and Carol before going to the party at Stephen’s home. It was huge and while you weren’t sure what he did for a living, you could tell that he had to be getting paid well. You entered the home and was immediately drawn that Tony’s definition of a small gathering was actually a party. There were so many people there! You had trouble navigating around but eventually made it to Sam and Steve by the fireplace in the living room.
“YN! Wow, you look amazing!” Sam greeted as he hugged you. Steve did the same and you complimented them back on their own suits. They cleaned up nicely with their hair, face, and clothing.
“Have you seen Bucky? I hope he’s here.” You asked, having to raise your voice from the people around you talking loudly. There were a bunch of people around, kind of like a scene from The Great Gatsby except less wild with entertainment.
“Haven’t seen him yet. Tony said we would be performing in fifteen minutes though.” Steve peeked at his watch then scanned the room.
You hoped that Bucky would turn up soon so you could get ready and get the performance over with.
Bucky had turned up to the party and was immediately recognized by the people around him. He greeted them all and many butlers came by offering him drinks that he couldn’t resist.
Upon one sip, he knew he was done for. It wasn’t just the frequent cheap liquor that he was tasting on the tip of his tongue, it was something more stronger and properly made that he indulged in. One drink turned into another and another and he was starting to get hazy.
He then heard someone behind him and saw that it was Tony. “Barnes! You’re supposed to be performing! Did you drink? Can you perform?” Tony bombarded him with questions. Barnes lightly pushed at the man to give him some room and responded.
“‘Course I can! Let’s perform and give these people a show!” Tony liked the singer’s enthusiasm and guided him outside to the makeshift stage where all their instruments were. Bucky didn’t realize it at the moment but he was swaying, and having trouble concentrating.
Crowds were starting to be led outside and Bucky held at the microphone while Steve and Sam crowded around him. “Where have you been, dude?”
“I just came. I’m fine… let’s go do… it.” He was a bit slow but Steve and Sam looked over at you and signaled that he was ready. It was in that moment that you finished adjusting your guitar and also stood in front of the microphone. Before starting, a tall man with salt-colored hair lining part of his hair while the rest was dark brown came on stage. He greeted Bucky and borrowed the microphone from him. Bucky looked behind to where you stood and he smiled at you in a dress. It was an unusual choice in terms of you but he thought you looked hot in it.
“Greetings everyone! So glad you all could make it tonight. I was lucky enough to be provided by my good friend, Tony Stark, one of his popular bands. Let’s give it up for The Winter Soldier and their new song, Wires !” Everyone cheered and Steve called out before you all began with your first song.
“T. W. S. Go!” You all started playing the song that you had written earlier in the day. Bucky and you were doing just as before with going back and forth in singing the music until something started to happen in the middle of the number during the chorus. Not to mention, the beginning was a rocky start but it progressed further to your dislike.
“If he said help me kill the president. [I'd say he should do that shit right now]. [I’m] Sick of screaming let us in. The wires got the best of him. All that he invested in goes. Straight to hell. Straight to hell[llllllll]. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa” How he sang it was different from how it was before so singing in the chorus made it difficult. You could watch as he mumbled a lot too and while the crowd was enjoying the performance, you were not.
You decided to not sing in the chorus anymore for you didn’t want both of your voices overlapping and saying the wrong lyrics but as he made it onto the last verse, he had been mumbling heavily to the point where it was just gibberish. So you did what was best; you took over.
You grabbed at your mic and sang over his nonsense. “I'm having trouble believing. And I just started seeing. Light at the beginning of the tunnel but he tells me that I'm dreaming. When he talks I hear his ghosts every word they say to me. I just pray the wires aren't coming.” Bucky looked like he was about to pass out. Even Tony, Steve, and Sam were worried as they could see him rocking further forward until… crash! He collapsed onto the ground. You didn’t--couldn’t--finish the performance as everyone rushed to tend to Bucky.
You were frustrated, wondering how the hell Bucky was acting so drunk until it was obvious to you that he was. Everyone crowded around him and gave him water to drink but for you, you just had it with him. He not only embarrassed himself, he embarrassed you and probably made it more challenging for you to go solo since this could be in the papers and ruin the band’s image. You stomped off stage, wanting to leave the party. It was easy to do so when everyone was focused on the drunkard.
Chapter 6: Forgive Me. Forgive Me Not
After Bucky recovered from his inebriated state, he could hear himself asking about you and his lips forming the sentences. He sounded pretty desperate too. “Where’s YN? Where is YN?”
He also happened to hear Tony yelling at him and threatening him that he’ll kick him out of the band but his main priority was focused on you. Bucky wasn’t sure where he was anymore but Steve had explained to him what happened from yesterday. “YN isn’t here anymore. She left, Buck.” Bucky’s heart felt like it dropped down to his stomach. He once again had made you disappointed and it didn’t surprise him that you would leave. He kept fucking up every time and he could trace it back to when he started gaining fame.
“I have to talk to her.” Bucky slurred under his breath, feeling his eyelids fall heavy on himself. Steve and Sam helped him lay on his couch before leaving him to be all alone in the dark and messy room full of pizza boxes, empty bottles, and a pile of porn magazines.
Last night, you arrived back home with your father asking you questions about the performance. In all honesty, you were too tired to tell him but replied to his questions with the least amount of words possible.
He got the message that you didn’t want to talk and told you to go to bed. “We’ll talk in the morning.” He said before closing the door of your room. You fell on your bed, still in your clothes but in the moment, it felt like it was constricting and causing trouble to your breathing.
“Fucking Barnes.” You growled to yourself. You were so upset that your first performance had been messed up. Bucky had not taken anything seriously and there was no way to change him.
“Why can’t you just… gah!” You shut your eyes after hitting at your bed sheets beside you and gripping them tightly. Some tears squeezed out of your eyelids and you just felt the need to let go of everything. Even when you didn’t feel like removing the dress anymore, you just went to sleep to avoid the thoughts from coming back again.
‘Tomorrow will be a new day.’ You hoped silently.
Tony had apologized greatly to you in the morning and explained to your father what happened. Your father asked for compensation for Bucky’s actions and gained over $500 from it. He wasn’t even concerned at all once he received the money and just made you return back to Stark Industries even when you fought against it.
“But dad! Barnes is a douchebag! Performing with him live sucks!” You complained, waving your hands in the air in exasperation. Your father gave a stern look at you as a warning.
“Remember what I told you…” He didn’t need to say anything more as you turned on your heel and walked out the door.
You arrived again at the studio to only see Bucky there. You groaned, turning back to walk out before he stopped you from doing so. “Wait! Wait.”
“What?” You snapped at him. “What do you possibly have to say? What’s going on? Do we even have a band meeting or not?” You had asked him so many questions that Bucky had to shut you up about it.
“Let me speak! Just listen.” He held the door for you to come back inside and sit. You did so and crossed your arms across your chest in hopes that this is serious business and not one of Bucky’s stupid things . Whatever that may be and the thought made you roll your eyes. “YN, I just wanted to apologize to you. I-I don’t know what has gotten into me when I did all of that and I knew how much these performances mean to you-” You scoffed at Bucky.
“Performances meaning to me? They only matter because it’ll be my ticket out of here.” He raised an eyebrow at you so you had to elaborate on it more. “What I mean is that I’m trying to go solo after The LadyKillers broke up. My father said I wasn’t popular enough so he made me sign up with you guys and once I can become popular then I can go solo.”
You watched as he fidgeted with his hands, not knowing what to say. You audibly sighed and was about to get up and leave until he spoke up. “I’ve been trying to write a song.” He admitted under his breath. He didn’t look up at you but he knew you heard.
“Okay. And?” Bucky looked up at you, brushing away the hair that fell in front of his eyes. He dug into his ripped jeans pocket and handed you a singular sheet with some messy handwriting.
“I wasn’t always like this--having trouble writing music. I wasn’t addicted to drugs or alcohol… I wasn’t even a ladies man.” He chuckled to himself as you read over his lyrics that he had so far. He hadn’t written much but you gave it back to him without any expression. “What I just wanted to let you know is that you’re talented.” The moment you two shared just now felt surreal. You could tell he was being genuine with you and while you wanted to tell him off, you couldn’t. He was being real and possibly vulnerable with you in the moment.
You let go of your rough act and Bucky was relieved to see you soften up to him. “I think you’re talented too, Bucky.” You admitted quietly. He had heard you and let out a small smile.
“My name’s James Buchanan Barnes.” He mentioned it unexpectedly. “Fun fact, I got Bucky when The Winter Soldier was created because of Steve and Sam.”
If you both were sharing personal stuff, you decided to share your own things. “Nice. My former band, The LadyKillers, we’re family. I told them everything and we kept all we had to say in our hearts. I didn’t want our band to end but we don’t always get what we want.” You then recalled memories from the start of The LadyKillers career. “And… I wasn’t always so innocent like I am now. I had my fair share of parties and drugs and shit until my dad stopped me and made me go to therapy.” You shivered at your own words and Bucky could see that it had struck a nerve on you. He was about to intervene and comfort you but you kept going, your voice going low and you had been hugging yourself tightly. You weren’t even sure why you were telling him any of this. “There was this one party I went to two years ago. I did coke, smoked, drank until I was numb all through the night and I ended up in bed with this girl.” You were nearly sobbing at this point. You had never told anyone about this story except Wanda, Carol, and your father. You even tried to forget after two years since it happened. “I swear… I’m not like that but… but I liked it. I liked her. Then, my father found out and he was able to buy all of the photos that were taken. I thought he would destroy it but he uses it as a way to blackmail me whenever I disobey him.” Bucky had gotten up from across you and sat with you, hugging your body into his. Your head was buried into his chest and you could smell alcohol mixed with mint and while it was an odd combination, the smell felt soothing to you.
“Shhh… it’s okay YN.” He hadn’t been the vulnerable one. You were. He was just there supporting you and stroking at your hair to help calm you.
Once you got the tears out, you looked up at him into his eyes. They were crazy blue like Steve’s but in your opinion, Bucky’s were more mesmerizing. You couldn’t even register your actions because the next thing you knew was that you were kissing Bucky madly.
He was surprised but gave in and cupped at your cheek. He deepened the kiss and just as he smelled, you could taste the liquor on his tongue. After pulling away, you pushed away from Bucky, standing up and shaking your head while looking away from him as a result of feeling shame. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.” You apologized madly.
Bucky reassured you that it was alright. “No, it’s my fault. I’m sorry.” He apologized back, overturning your own. You then look at him again and attempt a weak smile. Even with your eyes red and tears staining your cheeks, he thought you looked cute.
“You know, since we’re here. I might as well show you this new song I’m working on once I go solo.” You had wiped at the tears and went into the recording studio with your held up high, as if you didn’t break down in front of him. You had your guitar and began strumming up to what Bucky recognized as Daddy Issues. He remained silent until you finished the song and he noticed how much peace you were in during the time you sang by yourself. He suddenly felt guilty for your father being so disrespectful of you and doubting your talents and that you were forced to join his band.
Once you finished up, you saw Bucky applauding you and you smiled. “It’s amazing, YN.” He told you, which for you, it meant a lot to hear. It was the first time you’ve ever performed that song in front of anyone and even then, you were starting to doubt if you would ever sing it because of your dad. He might get the message of your story or do something bad to you that you didn’t want.
“Thank you, Bucky.” You managed to reply even after thinking all your crazy thoughts. “I’m probably not going to ever sing it though.” You then added on, in almost a feeling bad manner.
“Why not? How about I talk to Tony and we can arrange something. You’re an adult, YN, for crying out loud! You’re supposed to be the one to make your own decisions.” You agreed with his statement but then again, he didn’t know more than half of the trouble with your father.
“What about you? What about The Winter Soldier? You wouldn’t have anyone to write your songs.” You interjected. That was something that hadn’t crossed Bucky’s mind but he was willing to deal with it if that meant you could be free from the chains that have been holding you down.
“I can find another way.” He said, sounding hesitant. You appreciated his support but you both knew that this could go only one way.
“I don’t know.” You answered, feeling defeated. “I don’t know what to do anymore.”
Bucky walked over to you and grabbed at your hand. “We’ll think of something, YN. Why don’t we go to Greene’s Diner. My treat.” You squeezed his hand and followed him out of Stark Industries to the diner.
When you both got there, all his attention had been on you. He didn’t even blink in the direction of Dot, who happened to be working when you arrived. She was pissed and kept trying to get his attention until he told her off after ignoring her for the fifth time.
“Can’t you see I’m not interested?” He scowled as he finally looked in her direction. You had hid your snicker and she scampered off after cursing at Bucky. “She’s so annoying.” He replied with a grumpy attitude.
“You didn’t think so a couple of days ago.” You teased, recalling how flirtatious he had been and the fact that he hooked up with her. Bucky shrugged at you with a cocky smile.
“What can I say? Everybody loves my cock.” You kicked him in the shin, making him lurch forward in pain and rubbing at the sore spot.
“Never say that. Ever.”
“You just mad you ain’t got this dick?” You rolled your eyes at him. “Not everyone gets this dick though doll. I’m giving you an offer.” Barnes was such a player and even more so, a liar.
You eyed Bucky, biting at your lip. “Shut the fuck up Barnes.”
Chapter 7: Jealous.
That day forward, you and Bucky seemed to be getting at a better tempo. Steve and Sam detected that the two of you had been more kind to one another and the idea of you both finally being friends was relieving.
You all had performed a new song, W.D.Y.W.F.M? (What Do You Want From Me?) and as always, it was a success by you, the band, Tony, and your father.
Two nights ago, she got that look in her eyes / Kaleidoscope, but that's only half the time / Three days before she told me that I don't even try / She's crazy, though, I guess there's something wrong inside
While Sam played the bass as a transition into the chorus, Bucky looked at you with a wink and you did the same, singing the chorus as if you were talking to him.
(Chorus) Maybe you're right, maybe this is all that I can be / But what if it's you, and it wasn't me? / What do you want from me? / What do you want from me?
You then backed away from the microphone and continued to strum at your guitar to the beat. You felt like you were smiling like an idiot, which you probably were.
Four weeks ahead, I thought that I should think some more / I'm fucked in the head, and my mind is turning into a whore / Five months go by, and I thought about letting her go / She's crazy, though, and I guess she took control / Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no
(Chorus) Maybe you're right, maybe this is all that I can be / But what if it's you, and it wasn't me? / What do you want from me? / What do you want from me?
As the song came to an end, everyone clapped while you and Bucky shared a meaningful hug and he whispered into your ear. “Amazing as always, doll.”
You had hugged Steve and Sam as well, praising their contribution to the piece with their instruments.
“You kidding, YN? We couldn’t have done this without you! Your writing skills are a gift.” Sam retorted back. Steve joined in with him.
“We’ve never had this much recorded music in a row even when Natasha was here.” He informed you while also admitting himself afterwards. “It’s a bit tiring, not going to lie, but it’s refreshing.”
You thanked Steve and Sam again for their words and all of you exited the recording booth to meet with Tony. While cracking a joke on the way out, you’re met with your father who you didn’t realize had seen you become so comfortable with the band.
“Hello, YN.” Your father greeted you formally. You didn’t know you hitched a breath but Bucky was courteous to stand by you in a protective way. Your father noticed this and gritted his teeth. “Barnes.”
Tony intervened with his happy attitude to appease the thick tension between Bucky and your father. It was funny since after you told Bucky about your problem with your dad, he has started to dislike him.
“Okayyy everyone! Listen up! I got something that will redeem ourselves after that little fiasco that Bucky caused a couple of days ago.” Everyone turned to Bucky and he shook his head, not wanting the attention to be brought by that memory. “We were lucky enough to be asked to open for Spider-Man.” Your eyes opened widely upon hearing the name.
“Spider-Man?” Bucky questioned, at both your enthusiasm and the band. “I’ve never heard of them.” Your jaw dropped as you looked at him in shock.
“How could you possibly not know about them? They make such great music!” You then looked to Steve and Sam who shook their head at not knowing the band.
“The heck! You are all disappointing.” You pouted. “When are we performing for them?” Tony had told you that you all would practice tonight and tomorrow and will open for them the following days until they finish all their showtimes in New York. They had been planning on performing for three days in the city before traveling to Tampa, Florida.
You were excited to meet the band members and to perform with them. You were fond with one of the members, Peter Parker, who you used to have a fling with a while back and lucky for you both, you ended on good terms so seeing him again wouldn’t be awkward. The two of you ended your relationship due to the fact that both of you had busy schedules from performing and touring around the world at the time.
Bucky wasn’t sure why you loved the band so much and wondered how come you kept blushing. Then his thoughts were interrupted when Tony asked him a question.
“Sorry. What?” He asked, dumbfounded. Tony repeated himself again by asking what three songs they should perform.
“Let’s go two from our recent album and Wires . Let YN make the call for the other ones.” You were put on the spot to decide what other songs to play. It was a good thing that you had learned all their more recent songs.
“We can try Float and The Beach .” You suggested, liking both of the songs greatly from their latest album. Tony accepted them both and began texting to the band manager of your three songs. He got a text back a few seconds after with approval and where/when exactly they should meet for sound check tonight.
“They said that the sound check will be at six at Yankee stadium. Make sure you are all there by then.”
“Is that really YN LN?” You heard a familiar voice call for you as you entered the stadium. You turned around, with the rest of your band mates to see a man wearing a mask and in a red and blue latex suit with a black spider symbol on the front.
“Peter?” You gasped as he ripped off the mask and had his arms outstretched. Bucky saw as you ran towards the short-haired brunette all happily and for some odd reason, his heart clenched tightly in his chest from jealousy.
“It really is you! How are you?” Peter asked you excitedly. You had told him that you were great and pointed to your band.
“I play for The Winter Soldier now, Peter.” He had been upset at the fact that the LadyKillers broke up a while ago but was happy that you’re still in the music career. You then proceeded to introduce your bandmates to him. “That’s Steve, Sam, and Bucky.”
Steve and Sam waved at the younger singer while Bucky grunted and kept his arms folded in front of his chest. You watched his unamusement but shrugged it off when Tony said that you all were up for sound check. Your band was starting to walk away but Bucky stood back, his eyes still on the both of you.
“Hey, before you go, my band’s going to eat out tonight if you want to join us?” Peter whispered. You looked to him then behind where Bucky was waiting for you.
“Could I invite the band over maybe?” Peter looked to see where you had and he saw Bucky. He internally sighs but plays it off with a forced smile at you.
“Yeah. When we’re all done. It was good seeing you again, YN.” He replied, ready to turn from you to go with his own band.
“You too, Peter.” He waved you off and to Bucky who only glared at him. You caught up with the singer and the two of you are on your way to practice.
“She’s too good for you.” Peter mumbled under his breath, shaking his head at the thought of you with Bucky.
As you made your way, you all overlooked the stadium and was surprised at how many people could be watching the show the day that you performed. It had to be hundreds or thousands in the crowd ranging from teens to young adults that are jamming to music. The thought was exciting since this would be your first official performance (for real this time) and you really hoped that Bucky wouldn’t fuck it up.
“First song would be Float. So why don’t we start off with that?” Everyone got their instruments ready and you stepped up to the microphone just as Bucky had. He was oddly silent at the moment and even when you tried to make small talk with him, he sort of brushed off the conversation.
“Let’s just get this over with.” He spoke into it in monotone, making the sound echo loudly. You all queued up the music and on Steve’s count, began performing the song.
Imagine breathing in / Imagine leaving all your air behind / What matters in the end / A matter of opinion 'til you find out
Life can only mean hardly anything / All I'll ever be is partly settled in
(Chorus) To show you how to swim, then they throw you in the deep end / I've been learning since, but it doesn't mean I'll float, oh no / I won't float, no, no, no, no, won't float
You mainly focused on backup vocals throughout the song rather than jumping into the chorus since you wanted to preserve Bucky’s original sound while he performed the song. After you all finished and Tony gave suggestions on how to improve, you then worked on the last two songs before concluding up the soundcheck. You then told Tony if you all could eat out with the Spider-Man band since Peter had invited you.
“I don’t see why not.” He told you before announcing to the rest of the band. “Hey, we’ve been asked to eat with the other band tonight so let’s get packed up.” Steve and Sam did so while Bucky barely obliged. He even had the audacity to whine about it.
“What? I was about to go home.” He grumbled out loud for you and Tony to hear. You wanted to go ask him what was wrong but Tony spoke before you could.
“Why not just stay home? You seem out of it anyways, Barnes. Just don’t do anything stupid that’ll ruin our chances of performing.” Bucky felt relieved that he was dismissed and made his way off stage much to your wonder. You were going to follow up after him until Steve called to you in the other direction.
“Hey YN? Could you give me a hand with the drums?” You looked at Steve before taking one more look at Bucky walking away without any regret in his words.
“Yeah. I’ll be right there, Steve.”
The dinner with the Spider-Man band was nice but a bit uncomfortable when Bucky wasn’t there. You weren’t sure if it was his energy or his personality but you fairly enjoyed being around him so much that you didn’t know how to behave when he wasn’t around.
You sat beside Peter and made minimal talk while also getting introduced to his other members. You got to meet Michelle Jones, who preferred MJ and Ned Leeds. MJ played the drums while Ned did guitar. You both got to bond over that while Steve, Sam, and MJ talked about their instruments.
“So what’s up with you and Bucky, hm?” Peter hummed as you started to eat your food that had just been served. You pulled your fork away from your mouth and looked at him, puzzled.
“What do you mean?”
He shrugged at you and took a bit of his own food before speaking up once more to explain. “Don’t know. Just thought something was going on between the two of you. Don’t you hate him though?”
You had now put your fork down and twiddled around with your fingers in your lap. You weren’t even sure what to call the relationship, like if you were dating or not. You both never talked about it or assumed that you were so you just thought that you would remain as friends.
“I mean, I did hate him but we’ve bonded.” You replied subtly, hoping that Peter would not ask anymore as you started to get uncomfortable. He hummed once more and continued to eat just as you started.
Bucky on the other hand was supposed to be home but he felt himself getting attracted to the local bar like he was a magnet. He found himself drinking with a group of people who had recognized him and they all bought him drinks and offered some drugs for his consumption.
“Join us!” A group of giggling girls motioned to where they were doing a line of coke. Bucky smirked and put his glass down on the counter before swaying his way towards them. He grabbed and squeezed at the girl’s asses making them moan and yelp in surprise as he leaned forward to sniff up the white substance.
He was laughing at the high that he was suddenly feeling and more girls made their way to him. He felt like a king because of it and completely forgot why he was so mad at you. The drugs were doing what he always wanted; to make him feel numb.
He did another line of coke and drank whiskey like there was no tomorrow. He wasn’t sure how his body could handle himself but neither did he care. Girls were bowing to his feet and grabbing at his hardened member.
“Which one of you lucky ladies is getting at the gold?” He howled cockily as girls around him grabbed and yelled for his attention. He chose one that he would take to bed, one that resembled you. He knew it wasn’t you but he would do anything at this point even if it meant fucking a bitch.
“Let’s go, darling.” He whispered the pet name to the random girl. She was excited and walked out the bar with Bucky. He was suddenly met with flashing of cameras and the paparazzi screaming at him, asking questions.
“Barnes! Barnes! Is it true that Natasha has since left the band?”
“Who is that lady? A new girlfriend?”
“There is speculation that YN LN has joined your band after The LadyKillers broke up. Is that true?”
Bucky pushed past the large crowd and walked up to his car. He and the girl both got inside and even while intoxicated, Bucky could somehow function and drove all the way to his apartment. The girl had been mildly distracting as she kept touching all over his body and while he was having the time of his life at this moment, he didn’t realize it now that he made another huge mistake in his life and music career. Even one to your own.