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Understanding You

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Hectic. One word that could perfectly describe Arthit’s current situation as a final year engineering student, all he did from day to day was get up from bed, go to library, do his thesis until the library was closed, go back to his dorm, sleep and repeat. Of course, he spared his time to at least reply his lover’s message other than doing his thesis, to be honest talking to Kongpob could actually relieve him some stress even though what he said to the younger was always the opposite to what he felt. Talking about the younger, he became Arthit’s moral support and a reminder for everything that he forgot to do.

 

“P’ it’s lunchtime, have you bought your lunch yet?”

“P’Arthit, the weather isn’t good these days. Don’t forget to take care of yourself.”

“You woke up very late P’...I actually saw you last night you were still up at 2 AM when I was about to go to bathroom. I know you want to graduate soon, but I’m more worried about your health if you keep doing this.”

 

Behind all the sweet moments between him and Kongpob, he actually felt jealous whenever Kongpob could become straightforward and be sincere with his feelings- unlike Arthit whom tend to feel embarrassed to express what he felt, let alone showing affection toward the younger. Yet he could not stay like this forever, not just for his own sake but also for Kongpob’s sake. Even though he has been in a relationship with Kongpob for one year, he could learn one or two things about Kongpob’s personality; he could spot the flaw of Kongpob Suthiluck.

Since Arthit has already noticed his lover’s flaw, he could not help but to do something about it. Even if he had to fight his own comfort zone, such as…

“Kongpob, I..l..lov-“ Arthit, the former head hazer was trying to confess his feelings through words in front of a mirror, obviously in his bathroom. He has been in the bathroom for fifteen minutes just because he wanted to practice to express himself to the younger.

“Dammit why this is so hard..how can he be able to say it from time to time without fail?” he closed his eyes as he exhaled his breath deeply. How in the world he would be able to confess his feelings tonight when he still had trouble in doing it alone? Arthit wanted to make Kongpob feeling happy, perhaps every single couples in this world could relate to Arthit’s feelings. The feelings to want make our partner to feel happy, worthy and being loved. Simply because seeing our partner happy was also a part of our happiness, even if it meant Arthit had to struggle like this. Well, he should not be staying in his bathroom for too long if he has a date with Kongpob at 8 o’clock. Arthit should got himself ready for his date or else he would be very late and making his lover waited for him again. The older male must let Kongpob know that he would be at the coffee shop in forty minutes through LINE.

 

Arthit: Kongpob, I’m sorry. I will be late again, can you just go without me? So you can secure the seats for us.

Arthit: I’ll be there in 40 minutes.

Arthit: There’s still I have to do with my thesis, just a little bit.

 

A little bit of lying would not be hurt.

 

Kongpob: That’s okay. As long as I can spend my time with you, it’s more than enough 😊

 

Arthit decided to not reply anything to Kongpob’s reply, he shook his head slightly.

“He really knows how to make my heart flutters,” he mumbled under his breath as he was getting ready for his date with Kongpob.

 

Cafe, 08.41 PM

 

Arthit did not expect that he would be this late! He was in a rush toward his destination so his lover did not have to wait for him any longer, he really blamed the traffic jam for causing him to be this late. Luckily, he did not have to waste any more time to find the cafe because he had visited this place with Knott and others for several times. Arthit then pushed the door as his eyes were glued to the tables for searching his lover, but he could not find Kongpob. Then, he tried to go upstairs to see whether Kongpob was there or not. And there he was! Along with…a girl?

“What? Seriously you did that?”

“Yeah! His reaction at that time was so priceless that makes me want to tease him more. But what I get is a punishment.”

“Serves you right!” both of them laughed together after the female exclaimed. If Arthit tried to ask a stranger’s opinion for guessing Kongpob’s relationship with the lass in front of Kongpob, perhaps the stranger may answer they were a couple. In this kind of case, there were two types of people. First, they would not approach their lover and not talking to their couple regardless of what they have been talking about. Second, they would approach and trying to be sweet toward their couple or if it was necessary, they would be giving affection for their beloved one in front of the female. But Arthit’s legs instead of brought him to where Kongpob was, he went downstairs.

“Time really flies when I’m talking to you. I have to go now, have fun Kongpob!”

“See you when I see you then,” he smiled and watched the lass leaving him behind. Now, he intended to make a call to know where exactly Arthit was. Surprisingly, he could hear Arthit’s phone ringtone near with him and when he turned his head to find the source of its sound, Arthit was standing beside him.

“I didn’t notice you were here P’. Are you that thirsty?” he asked after he noticed the other male was holding a mineral water and a pink milk. Kongpob already ordered a hot coffee, so he should not need another one, right? However, Arthit did not answer or give any responses to the younger male instead he took a seat right next to Kongpob.

“Jeez, can the traffic jam can be worse than I had earlier? I never expect to be this late,” because of it they lost eighteen minutes which could have been used for their quality time and the regret was evident in his voice. Kongpob tried to make sure that he did not mind for waiting Arthit’s arrival at all, he wanted his beloved one to not feel gloomy anymore and just focus with their date.

“Just knowing that you make time for me is more than enough. Your presence puts me at ease,” Arthit looked right into the younger male’s tender gaze, he could tell that Kongpob was telling the truth instead of teasing him until crimson hues decorated his cheeks. Just one honest truth coming from Kongpob could prevent him from self-blaming and Arthit loved the side of him like this. The side of him where he acted as a matured male and knew how to make things were getting better.

That was the reason why his love toward Kongpob could grow as the time flew. Moreover, that was the reason why he had the urge to say it.

“Actually Kongpob, I—” he was not able to finish his sentence since the foods he ordered before had arrived.

“Table number five isn’t? Here’s for the aglio olio and chicken cordon blue, enjoy!” the waiter left the couple after she placed the foods on their table. Meanwhile, curiosity drove Kongpob even more to know what was the meaning all of this. It was not like the first time that Arthit came late and so he bought all of these things to show how sorry he was, so what was it then? More importantly, what was Arthit trying to say before the waiter came?

“P’ Arthit, what did you want to say earlier?” yikes. Arthit immediately stopped reaching out his spoon and fork once his lover brought that thing up again, he must be quick to find a logical reason.

“Oh right, actually I bought this mineral water for you. As well for the chicken cordon blue, on the other day you told me that you wanted one, right?” an innocent smile plastered on his face. Hopefully Kongpob would not be suspicious to see him being generous out of the blue, well let’s just see.

“Yes you’re right..thank you for your kindness,” he smiled, then came closer to whisper something to the other male.

“And you really know how to make me fall in love with you more.”

Arthit pushed back the younger’s shoulder to create space between them, he would not be able to control himself if Kongpob was still acted like this way. It was bad for his heart.

“Yuck. Just keep quiet and enjoy the dinner, will you?”

 

Cafe, 09.58 PM

 

Kongpob and Arthit decided to go straight home after they had their dinner, but Arthit must go to the bathroom first and so Kongpob waited him for a while. Well, this was a chance for Kongpob to pay the bills. He has made the older male went to the trouble of ordering their dinner, so he should be the one who paid to express his gratitude.

“Excuse me, I want to pay for table number five at the second floor.”

“Oh, actually it is already paid by Mr. Arthit after he decided what to order.”

“Is that so? Thank you for telling me,” he turned around and shoved his wallet back into his pocket. Kongpob was getting more confused with his lover’s behavior today since there was nothing special on this date and nothing good happened on him or Arthit. So…what made Arthit to become this way? Was it because they were less spending time together, or something else?

Meanwhile, Arthit was already out from the bathroom and headed to where his lover at. From the distance, he could see that the younger male’s mind was not here. To prove whether he was right or not, Arthit then interrupted Kongpob that ended up him losing his train of thought.

“Don’t just stand there, let’s go home already,” his voice successfully snapped Kongpob from his train of thought. Now, his attention shifted only for the former head hazer right in front of him.

“While you’re in the toilet, it starts to rain at the outside,” well this was bad. Kongpob told Arthit ten minutes ago that he must be in his apartment as soon as possible because he has an assignment that he must be working at and the due was midnight. There was no way Arthit would let Kongpob was late for sending the assignment, so he had an idea.

“It’s just small rain. Come on,” he said as he went outside from the cafe and the younger male just followed him behind. Well actually he would do the same if he was all by himself but right now, he was with his dearest person, so there was no way he would let Arthit to get wet and the worst scenario was he fell sick. So, Kongpob quickly refused the idea of they would dash out into the rain.

“No P’Arthit, if we go now our clothes will be wet including you. You can get sick and I don’t want that,” he clearly against with Arthit’s idea. But who said they would dash out into the rain? Arthit never told the younger male about his idea, right? The former head hazer heaved a sigh as he glanced at Kongpob with his eyebrows knit together.

“What are you talking about? We can still go to the nearest taxi stand if we’re quick,” better he just showed his brilliant idea through an action. Arthit then removed his black jacket and signaled the other male to come closer.

“Stay close to me, my jacket actually isn’t big enough for two grown-up men like us. But it’s better than we get wet to the nearest taxi stand,” either waited for the rain to stop or dashed into the rain was never be his option. Meanwhile, Kongpob’s reaction was surprised and stunned. Indeed, they have been together and he has invaded the older male’s personal space up until now, but this was his first time to see Arthit allowed him to invade his personal space, especially on a public. Without further ado, he got closer to his beloved one, they then went to the nearest taxi stand under Arthit’s black jacket. Each of them had to be close so they would not get wet from the rain, even though Kongpob’s left shoulder was already wet considering how narrow until leaving no space at all between Kongpob and Arthit. Luckily, it did not take much more time to be in this situation since the taxi has arrived after they waited for several seconds. Kongpob then told the driver about their destinations, which it took around thirty minutes.

In these thirty minutes, would there be any moves that can surprise one and another? Kongpob wondered behind of all Arthit’s sudden change on this night, started from Arthit bought him dinner and lent his favorite jacket. There was not any good news coming from Kongpob and Arthit or even a special date. Well he knew that these days the older was under stress from doing his thesis, but he somehow found a way to manage his stress by consuming pink milk more. But was it true by just drinking pink milk more was already enough to Arthit? What if there was something more than that? Meanwhile, Arthit had a battle within himself, this was the perfect chance to ask about the girl he saw together with his lover before he came. But would he be annoying if he brought that topic up? Yet, he was told by Kongpob that he should ask his lover to have a clarification from him if he felt there was something wrong when they were talking about Prae. Should he be more open toward his lover and stating out what he has been concerned about?

“Kongpob…” “P’Arthit…” heck. They called out each other’s name at the same time.

“You go first, Kongpob.”

“No it’s fine, I can talk after you. What are you trying to say P’?” he could not believe that the younger male still insisted to let him talk first. Arthit then threw a sharp gaze and used his head-hazer tone as his self-defense.

“Kongpob, just talk. I’m listening right now.” Kongpob did not have any choices much when his lover behaved like this. Besides, he was really that curious.

“I’m just wondering..is there something going on? I’m not saying that your kindness at café is wrong, actually, I totally love it seeing you like that,” he explained to Arthit immediately before he got the wrong idea.

“It’s just..your behavior today is different than the usual, just tell me if I’m wrong alright P’?”

Arthit paid close attention to his lover since the conversation they had right now was a serious one. He exhaled his breath as he rested his shoulder onto the backseat, his boyfriend was quite sensitive even now. Before he could say about his thought out loud, the other male already had the feelings.

“Fine. I want you to answer me honestly, were you all by yourself before I arrived?”

“I wasn’t alone. I met Em’s little sister and we talked,” it took him by surprise. Kongpob did not give any pause after Arthit finished asking and it was detailed enough until unnecessary thoughts which resembled in his mind had disappeared; but not for Kongpob’s curiosity.

“How come P’Arthit knows that I was with someone even though you arrived at the café after she left?” Arthit was not like Kongpob. He hesitated to have this kind of talk, he could not escape as he pleased since he was still stuck in a taxi and there was no way he would go out in the middle of heavy rain. The former head hazer lowered his gaze as he clenched his fists, was this the time to break through his comfort zone? He knew very well if he just remained silent, the other male would not force him to speak up and at the same time it was his lover’s flaw; Kongpob always put Arthit’s at ease first before himself. As the result, he forgot to realize his own emotions and desires which ended up him being in a perplexing situation.

 

In this kind of situation, good communication was needed. Arthit, as the older one understood it very well. Even an ideal man like Kongpob still needed attention and understanding by someone else.

 

“It’s okay if y-“

“I was furious at that time,” he cut Kongpob’s utterance off before he realized what he had done. It was too late for him if he regretted for saying it, he should not stop talking this matter on a halfway.

“I don’t know it was Em’s little sister, all I see is that you looked happy talking to her. You even didn’t try to contact me like usual even though I’ve already told you that I will be late, but you usually ask ‘P’ where are you now?’ So, I take it as you were having a nice conversation with her,” his eyes caught Kongpob’s hand held his right hand, it made him not clenching his fists and let his fingers intertwined with Kongpob’s.

“I’m sorry P’ for not contacting you like the usual, I failed to send the message actually it’s because Em’s sister called out my name. I have not met her for a long time, so...I only focused on her. But about the part I looked enjoy having the conversation isn’t wrong, it’s because I was talking about you to her,” this was a new thing for Arthit. He was surprised to know, Kongpob was talking about him to Em’s sister? For what reason?

“Me? What do you mean?” Kongpob chuckled slightly to see his lover’s facial expression, he clearly looked dumfounded to know the truth. And he looked very cute, in Kongpob’s eyes.

“She is curious to know the person who I loved since she was already told by her brother. So she wants to know what kind of person who managed to make my heart flutters whenever I see him. That’s why I tell some stories which are memorable to me and moments that make me fall for you even more,” Arthit nodded for several times, he clearly understood what was actually happened when he was stuck in the traffic jam.

“Is that all? Do you want to know anything from me?” asked by Kongpob to make sure if there was something bothering Arthit.

“Are you satisfied spending your time with me tonight?”

“I do. Of course, I love it, P’Arthit. What would make you ask like that? Are you…having your insecurities?” Kongpob looked straight into the older’s eyes. He had never thought that Arthit was having trouble other than his thesis since everything seemed fine when they communicated through LINE. But still, jumping to conclusions solely rely on social media was not enough. Why? People could not read the other’s facial expressions or body language.

Arthit shook his head. It seemed the younger got the wrong idea of his question.

“What I mean is, do you already feel enough spending our time together tonight after we had never met for eleven days? To be honest, I feel that I’m too focused on my thesis until I neglected you,” there was no way if Kongpob did not claim Arthit’s guessing to be true. But then he felt that he should not add another burden to Arthit since he could not do anything to help with Arthit’s thesis, at least he must know his own place.

“I understand your situation now P’Arthit. Thesis requires a lot of time and attention, so it’s a normal thing if you are more focused on your thesis. Besides, you want to graduate soon because you don’t want to trouble your parents anymore, so it’s understandable,” Kongpob’s answer did not convey his actual feelings. Arthit knew very well that he was still hiding something from him, but before he could continue their conversation their taxi had arrived in front of Kongpob’s dorm before the driver took Arthit away to the next destination where his friends waited for him to do thesis together.

“Thank you P’Arthit for letting me know what your thought is, it’s actually cute to see your hospitality when you’re jealous,” Kongpob immediately received a punch on his shoulder and a scold, he really crossed the line.

“Who said that I’m jealous? Hell no!” the younger responded with laughter, it restored him some energy whenever Arthit looked really flustered. This time, he opened his mouth not to tease his lover for the second time but to let know what his feelings had toward his senior.

“No matter what happens, you’re the only person that matters to me. Even though we are not often seeing each other, I still love you the way I do,” a smile plastered on his face and his voice sounded tender enough in his ears. Every confession which he received from the younger had a big impact on himself. Whether it could be in a form of his love toward Kongpob grew than before or maybe it drove Arthit to do the likewise.

Kongpob opened the door and he was about to go out from the taxi until he felt a tight grip on his sleeve. Arthit did not want to part with him yet until he could also lift the younger’s burden.

“Starting tomorrow, make sure you accept my phone call.”

Confusion grew within the younger to hear such request from his lover. Before he even asked the reason, Arthit already continued his utterance.

“Don’t get tired of waiting for me, don’t be hesitate to message or call me first and keep talking to me regardless I’m such a late replier.”

“I love all the things you have been doing to me, you’re the only person who makes me feel a special person during a difficult time and it means a lot to me,” did he just successfully express about what he felt to Kongpob without stuttered? Before he even realized that fact, he was pulled by the younger into his arms until both of them felt the lingering warmth of their bodies pressed against each other. Arthit’s whole body was tensed to receive this sudden affection, but as the time flew by, he became get used to it and wrapped both of his arms around the younger’s waist. Kongpob inhaled the familiar scent which he loved to smell as he pat Arthit’s back lightly.

“Alright P’Arthit, I will do exactly what you’ve just said to me,” after they exchanged each other’s warmth, Kongpob slowly began to release the hug. He should not make the driver waited this lovely couple for too long, he then got out from the taxi and stared his lover back through a half-opened window.

“Make sure you do your assignment right while I’m gone,” Arthit reminded Kongpob to take his assignment seriously when he was not around. Yet, it made the younger to chuckle.

“Does that mean I will get a reward if I do my assignment right?” Arthit facepalmed. How in the world his lover still could take advantage of this situation and he always be the one who was being benefitted by Kongpob?

“Don’t be such a kid who always seeks rewards. Oh well, I should really get going. Bright is calling me,” he said as he showed his phone. It was really the time for them to part their ways after such short time yet a memorable one. And so Kongpob stood there as he waved his senior until the taxi was far enough from the point he stood.

“Do your best, P’Arthit.”