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Fuck Your Catcalling

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Every. Damn. Day. Every damn day Jensen has to put up with the catcalls of the construction crew he walks by. Jensen knows people find him attractive, he’s had more than his fair share of guys who maybe only fucked him on the basis that he was pretty. But still. Every day? Jensen is starting to get really annoyed. And the worst part is, the guy who’s leading the pack? The one who apparently has Jensen-radar, because no matter what time Jensen walks by, or how terrible and sloppily he’s dressed, the guy ALWAYS sees him first and whistles/jeers/makes lewd comments? Yeah, he’s actually pretty fucking attractive. He’s really tall, his biceps are roughly the size of Jensen’s head, and he’s got HUGE hands, which makes him so Jensen’s type it’s not funny. See, Jensen’s not a very small guy by any means; he’s slender, sure, but at 6’1 no one has ever called him small. So guys that can manhandle Jensen around push all of his buttons. So, if this guy wasn’t such an obnoxious fucker, he might actually have a chance with Jensen. At least for a night, if nothing else.

Speak of the devil:

“Hey baby, I love the way those pants hug your tight little ass for me.”

Jensen most definitely is not wearing these pants for anyone but himself, so.

“It’s been a long day, huh, baby? Need me to take the edge off for you, huh?”

It most certainly has been a long day, seeing as Jensen is head of his accounting firm and just about every single one of his employees managed to do something wrong today. But no, Jensen, does not need that kind of help right now, thank you.

“Come on baby, don’t give me the cold shoulder! I know you want this big, thick dick up your-“

Okay, that is IT. Jensen knows you’re not supposed to talk to people like this guy, that that only encourages them, but he has had it up to HERE with this shit. He marches over to where the guy is leaning up against the fence, and slips through the gap a couple of the poles have made to get right in the guy’s face.

“Okay, what the actual fuck is your problem? Are you really that desperate that you’ll hassle random guys every fucking day?”

The guy look a little surprised, like he wasn’t expecting Jensen to ever actually respond, let alone get up in his face about it, but he recovers quickly, jaunts his hips out lewdly, and practically purrs,

“Of course not baby, you know you’re the only one for me. I’ll love you just right, just let me use those pretty cocksuckin’-“

“Okay, that’s enough. Just stop right there. I’m embarrassed for you right now. You will literally never get into anyone’s pants with your little asshole routine. It’s not cute or charming, and it doesn’t make anyone at all eager to even look at your dick, let alone touch it.” The entire construction crew is dead silent, all with slack jawed expressions.

“Look, buddy, you’re tall, you’ve probably got a pretty decent smile when you’re not jeering or whatever, and if you’re proportional, then I’m just gonna assume your dick is at least above average.”

The guy is looking completely stunned, but at the mention of his dick, he starts, and then obviously tries to take control of the situation again, “Yeah my dick is-“

“No. I’m gonna have to stop you again. Let me let you in on a little secret; no one cares. It is 6:30 on a Thursday evening, and the only people looking for a little action either already have it, or are looking for it in a club somewhere. Seriously, man, no one is ever going to take you up on your “offer” out here in broad daylight, not with those lines. All you’re doing is make people uncomfortable. So I suggest only using those lines at a club where people a looking for it, and wont judge you for your shitty pick-up lines, and leave the rest of the general public alone. Capiche?”

Without waiting for an answer, Jensen turns around and slips back through the gap in the fence before striding purposely to where his car is parked a block away. He doesn’t hear a single peep from the direction of the construction site.


The next day when Jensen wakes up, it’s pouring buckets outside, so when he makes his way past the construction site, no one’s there. Same thing when he passes by again that evening. Whatever, he’ll find out if his little talk worked on Monday.


That evening, his friend Danneel calls him up and invites him out with a group of friends. Usually, he says no, after all he’s almost thirty, and he’s getting a little old to be getting drunk every weekend. Plus, whenever he drinks, he gets massively horny, and ends up sleeping with anyone who even looks moderately like his type. This time, though, he thinks, what the hell, and accepts her invitation.

Once he’s at the club, any lingering doubts disintegrate, and he starts knocking ‘em back like an old pro. He’s feeling pretty buzzed, but not quite drunk, when he spots a tall glass of water in a corner. Jensen licks his lips and moseys on over in this guy’s direction. The guy seems to be a bit shy or something, because he’s not really looking at anyone, just holding his drink and studying the floor. Jensen is not put off, however, he’s had enough liquid courage to talk to damn near anyone by now.

“Hey there, beautiful, I like those tight pants on you, but I bet they’d look pretty nice on my floor, too.”

The guy’s head jerks up so fast Jensen’s neck winces in sympathy. Jensen gets a good look at some pretty eyes, wide and startled, the large nose and nice mouth, before he realizes,

“Oh hey, asshole catcaller guy! Come to take my advice? Dude, you can’t hit on people standing in a corner!” Let it be said that alcohol might make Jensen the friendliest guy you’ll ever meet.

The poor guy still looks completely frozen, so Jensen decides to take pity and help a brother out.

“Come on man, I’ll help you out! You can practice on me. Go on, say what you’d say to try to get in my pants.”

The guy tries to open and close his mouth a few times but nothing comes out. Finally, “Hi, I’m Jared?” It’s phrased like a question, but Jensen can work with this.

“Hi Jared, I’m Jensen! It’s nice to meet you! Are you looking for a good time, or nah?”

The guy– Jared, cracks a hesitant smile at that.

“AHA!” Jensen cries, “I was right! You DO have a nice smile!!”

Jared ducks his head at the compliment.

“What the heck, dude? Are you like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? Only the bad one comes out in the day time? Because you are too cute over here blushing at something nice someone says.”

Jared’s eyebrows scrunch together, which really just adds to the cuteness. He hesitantly opens his mouth and says, “I’m not so good with clubs and stuff. They make me nervous, and I don’t know anybody, and…” He trails off.

“Oh,” Jensen nods sagely, “I get it.”

“…You do?”

“Yes. You need your friends to feel confident enough to make lewd remarks. Its okay, it happens all the time, only usually with teenaged boys in sporting groups. But I guess it can happen with grown men. Let me guess, all the cool kids are doing it, so you should do it too?”

Jared ducks his head again, obviously ashamed.

Jensen pats his shoulder. “Well, now you know not to be an asshole to random people on the street, right buddy?”

Jared’s head slowly raises and lowers, in the most sad and pathetic nod known to man. His puppy dog eyes look wet and glossy, like he might start crying any minute.

“Aww, dude it’s all right. Just repent and we’ll be cool or whatever.”

“I’m sorry,” Jared practically whispers.

“All right, we’re good. Just don’t do it again.”

Jared nods and Jensen claps him on the shoulder again. “Okay, cool. Now let’s start over. You’re totally my type, so I’m gonna give you another shot.” Jared’s head shoots up, surprised. Again. “I’ll go stand over there, and you can come hit on me.” Jensen says, pointing towards a spot about 10 feet away.

He doesn’t wait for a response and he makes his way over to the direction he was pointing. Luckily, it right next to the bar, so he can do another shot while he waits.
It takes a little longer than he expected, but not too long before he feels a tap on his shoulder. He looks over and up, and sees a hopeful smile on Jared’s face.

“Hey, you maybe wanna get out of here, or nah?”


When Jensen wakes up the next morning, his head is killing him. He rolls over and flops out of bed and slowly makes his way to the medicine cabinet, pulls out the Tylenol and downs about half the bottle. He shuffles back to bed, but just before climbs back in, he stops. There’s a guy in his bed. Dammit, he so does not want to have to deal with this shit- oh. It all comes rushing back. He slept with asshole catcalling guy!?! He was obviously WAY drunker than he thought.

“What the fuck, Jensen, you couldn’t find anyone scummier?” He thinks out loud. The guy snuffles a bit, like maybe he’s waking up, and it probably the cutest thing he’s ever- no. No, it is not cute, the guy is an asshole, and nothing he does is cute. Apparently, though, Jared didn’t get the memo, because he slowly blinks open his eyes and smiles sleepily at Jensen in the cutest way possible.

“'Mornin’, Jen,” He draws in a sleep roughened voice. “How’d you sleep? You feeling okay?”

Jensen sits heavily on the bed. “Yeah.” He mumbles, scrubbing at his face with his hand and then leaves it covering his eyes. “Yeah, I’m just peachy.”

Jensen can hear the shuffle of sheets as Jared squirms his way over to where Jensen’s sitting.

“What’s wrong, Jen? You gotta headache?”

“Yes, Jared, I have a headache. Partly from all the alcohol I consumed last night, and partly because last night I apparently slept with the guy who’s been an asshole to me for months.”

Jensen removes his hand from his face just in time to see Jared’s face crumple like wet cardboard.

“Jen, I thought that… I mean last night you… forgave me!” Jared says in the saddest kicked dog voice Jensen has ever heard.

“You mean last night, when I was extremely inebriated?”

If it was possible, Jared’s face crumples further.

“You were really drunk? Jensen, I didn’t know!! I thought-”

Jensen cuts him off with a sigh.

“It’s fine, Jared. I didn't even know I was that drunk. I think I just need you to go.”

“Jensen, I-”

“Just go, Jared.”

Jared slowly got up, pulled his clothes on, and made his way over to the door.

“I’m sorry, Jensen.” He says, before shutting the bedroom door. A couple of moments later, Jensen hears the front door open and close. Jensen lays down and goes back to sleep.


On Monday morning, the sun is shining beautifully. Never mind that the night before Jensen had never prayed harder for rain. Jensen thinks about trying to find another spot to park his car, or maybe finding another route to walk so he doesn’t have to walk by the site, but dammit, he didn’t change his life when he was being harassed, and he sure as hell is not going to now.

Jensen starts striding past the site, purposely not turning his head.


Dammit, he looked. It’s a knee jerk reaction.

Jared is standing by the little gap in the fence eyeing it like he might try to squirm though it if it comes down to it. Jensen doesn’t think he could make it through, he’s a bit too broad all over, but just in case, he calls back.


“Come here!”

“Why.” He says but still makes his way over. Maybe Jared put a spell on him or something, because he can’t seem to stop walking towards him. Well, the sex was pretty fantastic…

“Here!” Jared says thrusting a handful of… flowers at Jensen, interrupting his inner musing.


“They reminded me of you! So I picked them! Here you go.” Jared smiles shaking the bouquet as if to entice him.

“Um, they’re very… nice. Thank you.”

“Good!! See you later Jensen!” And with that Jared turns and jogs back to where all the other crew members are standing.

Huh. Okay then.

His receptionist, Pam, looks surprised when she sees his handful of flowers, and then snorts at his explanation of, ‘guy I slept with gave them to me’, but whatever.


That evening as Jensen walks by the site Jared calls out,

“Jensen! How was your day?”

And when Jensen replies, a bit hesitantly, “Fine,”

Jared just replies back, “Good! I’ll see you tomorrow, Jensen!”

This continues for the next few days, Jared greeting Jensen morning and evening and bringing him something at least once a day- a cupcake (I saved it from lunch!), a dandelion seed head (make a wish, Jensen!), a greenish rock (It matches your eyes, Jen!). Jensen begins to suspect that Jared is actually a child in disguise, but really, he doesn’t mind this kind of attention. It’s kind of sweet.

Until, one day, Jensen realizes he left his lunch in his car, so he makes the quick trip to go grab it. But as he’s walking past the construction site, he notices Jared sitting all alone, forlornly munching on his sandwich. Jensen stops and calls out before he even really registers what he’s doing, “Hey Jared.”

“Jensen!” Jared springs up and his face breaks out in the sunniest smile, “What are you doing here? Did you get off early from work?”

“No, I just left my lunch in the car.”

“Oh! Do you wanna share mine? I don’t mind!”

“No, that’s okay, I’m just gonna go grab it from the car.”

“Oh,” Jared says his face falling a bit, “Okay.”

Jensen sighs, jogs to the car to grab his lunch, and jogs back to the site to slip through the little gap in the fence. He’s pretty sure this is illegal.

“Jared,” he calls out as he approaches, “can I eat with you? How much longer is your break?”

“Jensen!” Jared springs up again. “Yes! Of course you can eat with me!”

Jensen lowers himself down to the metal bar Jared was sitting on. “I still have about 20 minutes left! How about you? Do you have to hurry back? Jensen, I don’t want you to get in trouble with your boss!!”

Jensen smiles, “Breathe, Jared. I am my boss.”

“Oh wow! Jensen, that’s so cool! What do you do?”

“I run an accounting firm.”

“Wow, Jen, you must be pretty smart.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Jensen always feels a little uncomfortable whenever someone says something about ‘how smart he must be’, but then, he’s pretty sure anyone would be. It’s an uncomfortable topic.

“Hey, so why are you sitting over here all by your lonesome?” Is Jensen’s smooth segue.

“Oh,” Jared’s face scrunches up, “the guys keep makin’ fun of me because I’m bein’ nice to you. But it’s okay because I’d rather be nice to you than be friends with them!” He says assuredly.

“Ah. I see. I was right.” Jensen says thoughtfully

“You were?” Jared looks confused.

“Yes. Remember? I think I compared y’all to the likes of teenaged children when I was drunk. But I guess now it’s just them.”

Jared looks thrilled. “Yeah! Now I’m becoming an adult!” he says with a laugh.

Jensen smirks, remembering his ‘child in disguise’ theory. He takes a bite of his sandwich and chews thoughtfully. “Jared, why do you like me so much?”

“Oh. Well.” Now it’s Jared’s turn to look thoughtful. “You were nice to me even though I was a jerk to you. And you’re really funny and smart. And, um, you’re really good at, uh-“

“At sex?” Jensen asked dryly.

“Yeah.” Jared blushed. “At sex.”

“Well,” Jensen said, “You weren't too bad yourself.”

“Yeah?” Jared blushed


“So, um, do you maybe wanna go out with me sometime?”

“Like, on a date?”

“Um, Yes? Yes, definitely like on a date.”

Jensen breathes out a deep breath. “Okay.”


“Yes, I would like to go out with you sometime. When?”

Jared legitimately looks like Jensen has just given him the best gift he'd ever received.


“Uh okay, yeah, I'm free tonight. What time and where?”


The next morning Jared’s enthusiastic “Good morning, Jensen!!” Is cut off by Jensen grabbing his uniform collar and dragging him in for a kiss. When they finally break apart, Jared looks so completely blissed out that Jensen can only ask, “Are you free tonight?”

By the look on Jared’s fellow crew member’s faces, Jensen doesn't think Jared will be having any more problems with them.