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Is the Order a Bittersweet Love?

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That girl still hasn't come back. Without worrying about her, I'm waiting here impatiently. It's not like I don't care about her. It's just that I know there's someone other than me beside her that will protect her no matter what. No matter how I'm unwilling to acknowledge it, the fact that she's the one who has the right to choose to share her fondness won't change at all. The fact that I can't do anything to prevent her minding another person besides me won't change.

I'm not her only one. Only, I really wish to be so, though improbable and impossible. I'm really happy for her if she feels happy. But jealousy can always find its way to consume my heart. So, I can't help hating the person who has her share of love.

The bell sounds so pleasant to my ears. I raise my head up and see a couple walk into the cafe. She's there beside her boyfriend, linking their arms in an intimate way. The laugh on her face fascinates me to the point I can feel stinging pain inside my heart that I can't see that kind of smile without him being the source of it.

That girl is only slightly older than me physically. But that's not the cause that I can't make her laugh like how he can. It's just that I can't express myself sincerely in front of her. In rare occasions I'm able to do so, there's always the hindrance about how she will always see me as her little sister. Not her friend, not her lover, but her little sister.

Honestly, I'm happy with being her family, even if it's only a pseudo one. But then I can only loathe myself for realizing that I want to monopolize her and her love. And now that I know I am not the one to be able to do so, I can only sit here, waiting impatiently to take my turn spending my time with her.

Seriously, big sis, you're such a trouble.