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a secret desire

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Hoseok doesn’t get the package delivered to their dorm or the BigHit building, but instead uses a po box that he had gotten a few weeks before. It’s the safest option really, it allows him to be anonymous in getting mail that he doesn’t want the others to know about. It’s not that he feels any shame really, it’s just hard to keep a sense of privacy when someone is always around. They won’t snoop but they might ask questions and Hoseok knows he’s a terrible liar. 


He puts the package in his bag and heads to their dorms, so grateful that the others are either not home or in their rooms. It allows him to sneak away to his and Jimin’s room, which is empty, and open the package in secret. 


Hoseok’s fingers tremble as he cuts open the plastic, carefully pulling the tissue paper back. Lying inside is a set of very cute pajamas, yellow shorts and shirt with a rainbow pattern decorating them. It’s nothing fancy or scandalous, relatively simple -- the rest of the choices on the website had Hoseok blushing because he wouldn’t even dream of buying anything like them, not now at least. 


He pulls the plastic even farther apart and takes the pajamas out. They’re the softest piece of clothing he’s ever felt and he can’t wait to get the courage to try them on. For now he runs his fingers over them, carefully folding them and putting them away in his dresser. He heads to the kitchen, tossing the plastic away in the recycle and hopes no one will notice it. 


Hoseok wishes he had both the time and courage to change, to feel comfortable enough in wearing his purchase but he isn’t sure he’s quite ready for that yet, happy to at least have them in his possession. 


The right moment to wear them turns out to be two weeks later. Jimin has text to say he’s going out with some friends and that he won’t be back until later which means the dorm is relatively empty. It allows Hoseok to lock his door, glad that he and Jimin have their own private bathroom which means no one to bother him. 


After dinner, Hoseok runs a bath and fills it up with bubbles, pushing his hair back with a bright pink headband and washes his face, carefully applying a facemask after it. He lights a few candles and steps into the tub, groaning at how good the water feels on his aching muscles.


Hoseok leans his head back against the bathtub, wiggling his toes. He stays in there as long as he can, the water finally turning uncomfortably cold and his fingers and toes are wrinkled. He reaches for his towel and stands up, drying himself off and wrapping it around his waist, reaching to let the water drain. He blows the candles out and heads to his bedroom, grabbing a bottle of lotion. 


Once he’s properly moisturized, he goes to his dresser and opens the third drawer, his excitement growing. He pulls on the pajamas and gasps as he sees himself in the mirror. They fit perfectly, showing off plenty of leg and just a little sliver of tummy where the shirt doesn’t quite meet the shorts. 


He looks cute, he thinks. He wishes he had someone to show the pajamas off to and he settles for taking a mirror pic, making sure to crop his face out. Hoseok thinks he should delete the photo, knowing how risky it is to keep it but for now he doesn’t get rid of it. 


Hoseok kneels on the floor in front of the mirror and runs his fingers over his thighs, spreading his legs slightly. He bites back a groan as he presses his palm against the front of his shorts and he doesn’t know if he’s feeling bold enough to masturbate in the pajamas, not wanting to dirty them up. Still, he closes his eyes and gasps as he feels himself getting harder and looks down, the bulge against the thin cotton looking almost obscene. 


Hoseok wonders what it would be like to feel someone else’s hands on him, pushing the hem of his shirt up and kissing his stomach. He’s sensitive there and Hoseok gasps as he uses his other hand to drag his fingers across the skin of his stomach. 


The knock on the door has Hoseok’s eyes going wide and he scrambles to get up, grabbing his robe from where it’s lying across his bed, hoping the yellow of his top isn’t peeking out. He unlocks his door and pulls it open just enough to see who is on the other side.


It’s Jungkook, with a frown on his face. 


“Hyung, your door is locked,” Jungkook says.


“Ah sorry, I just locked this door instead of the bathroom door, since Jiminie isn’t here,” Hoseok says. 


It seems to satisfy Jungkook who nods and smiles. “Do you want to watch something with me? I think we are the only two at home.” 


“Of course Jungkookie, let hyung change and I’ll join you,” Hoseok says. 


“Okay hyung.”


Jungkook’s eyes roam over Hoseok’s body before he leaves and Hoseok isn’t sure what to think about that. But he doesn’t dwell on it, just closes the door and undoes his robe, tossing it back on the bed. He pulls his pajamas off and tucks them back away where they won’t be found and pulls on his usual cotton shorts and oversized plain shirt. He normally likes wearing stuff like this, the bigger the better, but he misses the feel of the cute pajamas. 


He tries to not let it affect his mood as he finds Jungkook in their living room, bags of snacks spread out on the coffee table in front of him as he flicks through Netflix, settling on a movie Hoseok has never heard of. He doesn’t really care what Jungkook picks, just likes spending time with their youngest member. 


Jungkook wraps himself around Hoseok’s body, clinging tightly to him and Hoseok grins, his hands massaging Jungkook’s legs. 


“Ah my Jungkookie, did you miss hyung that much?” Hoseok asks.


“Yeah, always miss you. You smell really good hyung,” Jungkook says.


Hoseok is used to Jungkook’s quirks, finds them pretty endearing. The way Jungkook always has to touch and smell them, knows that it makes Jungkook feel calm in stressful situations and helps to ground him. It’s not just Hoseok, Jungkook does it to all the members, but Hoseok knows he and Jungkook like similar scents, preferring clean and light perfumes and candles instead of heavier scents. 


It’s why Jungkook would always sneak into Hoseok’s bed, loved the way it smelt and loved the way he could wrap himself around Hoseok without any complaints or questions. 

Hoseok hasn’t quite admitted to himself or to Jungkook that he too loves it, loves when Jungkook seeks him out.


Tonight, it’s just the two of them and Hoseok feels happy. Jungkook’s got his hands pressed against Hoseok’s stomach, kneading at it softly. Hoseok isn’t paying attention to the movie, doesn’t have a care in the world about it, just simply focuses on the way Jungkook nudges at Hoseok’s neck with his nose, lips pressing against the skin there. 


It’s faint at first, Hoseok thinks he might be imagining it, but then he realizes Jungkook is softly kissing him. It’s not rare, they’re two people who give out physical affection like it’s nothing and it’s usually Hoseok who initiates it but it feels….different this time. 


It shouldn’t, this isn’t unlike anything they’ve ever done before, but maybe it’s Hoseok’s own tiny crush telling him that it could be something more. 


“Jungkook-ah,” Hoseok says softly. 


“Yes hyung?” Jungkook asks, breath tickling Hoseok’s neck.


“Ah nothing, that just feels nice,” Hoseok says.


Jungkook doesn’t say anything just goes back to kissing Hoseok’s neck, a little harder this time. There’s noises this time as Jungkook moves from his neck to the back of Hoseok’s ear, sucking softly. Hoseok gasps and he can’t help but push back against Jungkook.


“Ah hyung, you can’t do that,” Jungkook says.


“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable baby,” Hoseok says.


“It’s not that, it’s just um. I’m going to get hard,” Jungkook says with a laugh, “I don’t think you want my dick pressed against your ass.”


Hoseok laughs and ducks his face into his arms. Jungkook is surprisingly blunt when he wants to be. 


“It’s fine, I’m sorry, I wasn't thinking,” Hoseok says. 


“Don’t apologize, it’s not your fault. Can I still kiss you?” Jungkook asks.


“Of course, I like it,” Hoseok says.


He starts to move his head before he stops, deciding to just turn his whole body so they are face to face. Jungkook’s eyes are wide and god he is just fucking cute. Hoseok lays back against the couch, head tipped back and Jungkook dives in, his left hand resting on Hoseok’s hip as he begins to litter kisses across Hoseok's throat. 


That’s all they do as the movie plays on. There’s still space between their bodies so no awkward touching happens but Hoseok feels good all the same, eyes falling shut. 


Hoseok loses track of time, far too focused on the feeling of Jungkook’s lips against his jaw. He hasn’t gone any higher than that, but Hoseok isn’t complaining. 


“It feels really nice Jungkookie,” Hoseok says.


His voice is thick with sleep and Jungkook laughs a little, pressing a wet kiss against the dip of Hoseok’s throat before pulling back. 


“Hyung the movie is over, can I come sleep in your bed?” Jungkook asks.


“Since when do you ask my permission, you know you are always welcome in my bed,” Hoseok says.


Jungkook grins and moves off the couch faster than Hoseok can even open his eyes, slowly sitting up. He throws away their garbage, turning off the tv before finally heading to his bedroom. Jungkook is already there, tucked under the covers and Hoseok shakes his head. 


“Did you wash up at least?” Hoseok asks.


“Yes hyung,” Jungkook says.


Hoseok washes up and makes his way to his bed where Jungkook is busy scrolling his phone. Hoseok squishes in next to him, the bed not quite big enough for two grown people but they make it work, legs all tangled up. They stay like that, both of them mindlessly switching between apps, showing each other cute animal pics until Hoseok yawns, reaching to plug his phone in. 


He stays on his side, Jungkook molding himself to Hoseok’s back. Hoseok thinks about how nice it might feel to be wearing a little less clothes, to feel Jungkook’s fingers on bare skin but that’s a thought he promptly shoves to the back of his head and leaves there. 


“Hey Hoseokie hyung, sweet dreams,” Jungkook says sleepily. 


“You too Kook-ah. Hyung loves you.”


As Hoseok feel his eyes droop, he can still feel the lingering touch of Jungkook’s lips on his. 


The thing is, kissing between them isn’t all that uncommon. Hoseok knows he was Taehyung’s first kiss, awkward and shared for the world to see, but it wasn’t the last one between them. Hoseok has found Jimin curled up in their bathroom, eyes puffy and red and all Hoseok could do was hug him and press a soft kiss to his forehead. Hoseok knows the others have kissed, knows sometimes it’s gone further than just being platonic. 


What others do with each other isn’t his business so he doesn’t pry. He’s heard things, sure, but if they wanted him to know well, they would have told him. 


So really, what happened with Jungkook isn’t out of the norm between the members. 


It’s just that Hoseok can’t really stop thinking about it. It’s always a busy time for them, some sort of schedule which can make it difficult to get any sort of alone time, even for just themselves. 


Hoseok wants nothing more than to feel Jungkook’s body against his own, something that happens often enough, but maybe Hoseok wants to kiss him again, let his hands wander over the younger’s body.


The thoughts tend to plague Hoseok when he’s alone and he does feel a sense of shame daydreaming about his friend and bandmate. Jungkook doesn’t seem to notice, still overly clingy and affectionate, sometimes sneaking a kiss in when he can. Hoseok allows it because he doesn’t think he could ever deny Jungkook a thing but he doesn’t know what it means. 


He doesn’t let it go further than that, keeps it at kissing. He will touch himself to Jungkook but he can’t be irresponsible and make the first move. He wouldn’t be a good hyung, risking anything just because he’s horny and needy. 


Whatever desires he has, he keeps them in check and doesn’t act on them, no matter how much he wants to. 


It’s on one of their overseas trips that Hoseok spots a store that’s very much up his alley. He doesn’t go inside, doesn’t need his bodyguard and manager asking questions about why he would shop there and for who. But he makes a mental note to check the store out later when he’s safely in his hotel room.


Late night shopping is never a good idea Hoseok thinks as he buys a few different sets. One is a little more revealing than he ever thought he’d go for, all silk and lace and it makes the tips of his ears burn. But he puts his payment info in and presses send, jolting when he gets the email notification. 


There’s still time to cancel, to forget about the whole thing, but Hoseok finds he doesn’t want to.


It takes a couple of weeks before they’re back home and Hoseok almost forgets about the packages until he gets an email reminding him he has items waiting for him. It’s easy to slip away from work, no one really batting an eye and he brings his packages back with him. Hoseok shoves them under his desk for the time being, ready to go home. 


Later, when he finally does make it home, he can feel the anticipation building. Jimin is home, meaning Hoseok doesn’t dare open the packages, just leaves them on the floor. Jimin doesn’t ask what they are, something Hoseok is very grateful for. Hoseok isn’t sure he could come up with a convincing enough lie on the spot. 


“Hey hyung, Taehyungie wants to watch a new drama with me, do you want to join us?” Jimin asks.


“No thanks Jiminie, I’m going to do a little work here,” Hoseok says.


“Don’t work too hard hyung,you should enjoy your time away from work,” Jimin says.


He gathers up his blanket and heads out the door to Taehyung’s room, leaving Hoseok alone. His heartbeat feels loud in his ears, like anyone who walks into the room could hear it. He gets up, slowly and quietly closing the door, taking the packages with him to the bathroom, locking the door behind him. His fingers tremble as he opens the packages, gasping in delight when he sees just how pretty the pajamas are. 


The one set is a little less revealing so Hoseok takes those out first. The shorts are soft fluffy cotton, a little thick and baby blue in color. The top is plain white save for a little blue clouds where his nipples would go and Hoseok wants nothing more than to put them on and show off how cute he looks. 


He leaves the first pair on the countertop as he takes the silk ones out. It’s a thinner tank top, lace across the top and the shorts have the same lace pattern where the legs would stick out of. These ones would definitely leave little to the imagination, his face heating up as he imagines his cock straining against the material. It would be so easy with the soft green color to see how wet he gets. 


Hoseok closes his eyes and allows himself a fantasy to form, one where it’s not just someone random touching him but Jungkook. He pictures a hand he’s so familiar with sliding between his legs, palming at him. It makes Hoseok’s stomach tighten in want as well as shame. This is his bandmate, one of his closest friends and he’s getting turned on by the idea of them fooling around while Hoseok wears provacative clothing. 


The shame overtakes the fantasy and Hoseok gathers up the pajamas, quickly folding them up and shoving them to the back of his dresser. His hands are still shaking as he throws out the plastic packaging, going back to his bed once he’s done. He throws the blanket over his head, taking a deep breath in.


He feigns being asleep when Jungkook stops by, doesn’t dare move not even when he can tell Jungkook has moved closer to the bed. Hoseok tries not to make a noise when Jungkook gets on the bed with him, nose pressed against the back of Hoseok’s head. 


“Hope you are only having good dreams hyung, love you,” Jungkook says.


Jungkook presses a kiss to Hoseok’s jaw before throwing his arms and legs over Hoseok’s body, holding on tight like Hoseok might fly away. 

The guilt only gets stronger and Hoseok squeezes his eyes shut. 


It takes a long time for Hoseok to come to terms with his feelings. He doesn’t touch the pajamas again and he almost forgets about them until it’s time to travel again and he’s packing his suitcase. Hoseok doesn’t know why he decides to throw all three into his suitcase but he does, making sure they are on the bottom, putting the rest of his clothes on top.


Days later, Hoseok is exhausted after a show and can barely keep his eyes open as he showers. He sleepily decides to pull on the fuzzy pajamas, sans underwear and sighs at the feeling of the material against his body. 


Hoseok spreads out on his bed, reaching for his phone as he angles it; he hikes up one leg and snaps a photo. The friction of the soft cotton against his dick has Hoseok squirming, chasing the sensation. He rolls fully to his stomach and rocks his hips against the bed, biting his bottom lip to keep quiet. He doesn’t want any unwanted knocks on the door. 


Hoseok reaches for one of the pillows, lifting his hips up and shoving it under his body as he grinds against it, fingers grabbing onto the blanket. It’s been a long time since Hoseok has gotten off like this, years since he’s had to grind against the mattress like a horny teenager. 


“Fuck,” Hoseok whispers.


He slips two fingers into his mouth and sucks on them, loving the weight against his tongue. He’s not a virgin but it’s been a long time since he’s had the chance to hook up with someone. They’re a little too famous now and it’s always risky when trying to coordinate late night booty calls. Hoseok rocks his hips against pillow and can feel the way the head of his cock peeks out from the shorts, foreskin slipping back. 


The last little bit of concert energy and put up horniness has Hoseok cumming rather quickly, most of it pooling on the inside of his shorts. He’s uncomfortable and sticky when he finally comes to, wrinkling his nose. He pulls his fingers out of his mouth and wipes them on his shorts, figuring he’ll have to rinse them out in the sink anyway. He wipes himself down and rinses the shorts out, laying them out to dry.


He’s in the middle of finding something else to wear when he hears a series of knocks at his door. Hoseok quickly pulls his shorts on and opens the door sans shirt. It’s no surprise to see Jungkook on the other side, his eyes going from Hoseok’s face down to his neck, briefly glancing at his chest before snapping back up. 


“Hey Jungkookie, what’s up?” Hoseok asks.


“Can I lay with you? I’m a little too jittery to sleep right now and the others aren’t answering me,” Jungkook says.


“Yes baby of course,” Hoseok says.


He lets Jungkook inside and both of them head to the bed, Jungkook tugging the blankets and sheets back, crawling under them. It’s amazing how tiny he can make himself look, all curled up in a ball. Hoseok smiles and goes back to the bathroom, slightly panicking at what to do with his shorts, ultimately deciding to lay a towel over them, closing the door. 


Hoseok joins Jungkook on the bed and cards his fingers through Jungkook’s hair, scratching at his scalp. It helps to soothe Jungkook, who tends to be wound up after a concert. Sometimes his legs will shake so bad that he physically needs someone to hold them still. Or needs someone to stay  with him and play video games to help release any pent up frustration. 


Right now it’s clear that physical touch is more of what Jungkook wants and needs. Hoseok smiles and twirls the strands of Jungkook’s hair around his finger. 


“You did so good tonight, I’m always so amazed by you,” Hoseok says. 


Jungkook is quiet before he lets out a quiet thanks. Hoseok can see the way Jungkook chews on his bottom lip and Hoseok uses his free hand to tug Jungkook’s lip from his teeth, saving him from chewing it all up. 


“I made a mistake,” Jungkook says.


“No one noticed, I promise. Everyone saw how good you were. Don’t let one little moment overshadow the rest of the concert,” Hoseok says.


Jungkook squeezes his eyes shut and Hoseok uses both of his hands to cup Jungkook’s face, leaning to kiss him softly. He needs to distract him and maybe this isn’t the right thing to do but Hoseok doesn’t know what else to try. 


Hoseok can feel the way Jungkook holds on tight to his arms, gripping hard. Jungkook lets out a choked out little sob and Hoseok feels his heart break; he never likes to see any of them cry but seeing Jungkook always makes himself tear up. 

“Don’t cry my Jungkookie, please don’t. Tomorrow you’ll be better than ever,” Hoseok says. 


He wipes away the few tears that fall and peppers over Jungkook’s face with more kisses, helping to calm the younger man down. Eventually Jungkook gets himself together and turns to rub his nose against Hoseok’s, their lips brushing together. Hoseok lets him because he knows Jungkook wants it and needs it. 


They stay like that for awhile, lazily making out as Jungkook pushes Hoseok’s shirt up to run his fingers over the base of Hoseok’s spine, dragging against it lightly. Hoseok cradles Jungkook’s jaw in his hands, sucking on his bottom lip. When he pulls back, his cock twitches at the sight; their lips are still connected by a string of saliva and Hoseok knows he’ll think about that for days. 


Jungkook’s eyes are heavy, looking exhausted, and Hoseok knows they should sleep. It’s a good excuse to keep things from advancing any further. 


“You can stay here if you want,” Hoseok says. 


“Okay hyung,” Jungkook says.


He pulls the blanket up high, tucked under his chin and within minutes he’s out. Hoseok strokes his hair, making sure he’s properly asleep before getting up to grab his shorts from the bathroom, hurriedly shoving them into his suitcase. He’s so lucky that Jungkook didn’t see them and it’s really the first time he’s gotten close to getting caught. 


There’s no way he could handle that sort of exposure. 


Hoseok gets back on the bed and curls a protective arm over Jungkook, lips pressing against Jungkook’s temple. It takes some time for Hoseok to sleep, the worry weighing on his mind. He doesn’t know what he’s going to do. 



Things with Jungkook continue. Hoseok still lets Jungkook share his bed or sometimes they have late night couch cuddle sessions. Jungkook still presses gentle kisses across any part of Hoseok’s skin he can find and sometimes Hoseok reciprocates, running his fingers through Jungkook’s hair. 


It’s one of those nights there the others are either gone or already asleep and this time they’re sprawled across Jungkook’s bed, Jungkook half laying on top of Hoseok. His hand is under Hoseok’s shirt, softly petting the skin over Hoseok’s ribs. 


Hoseok hums softly and plays with the hair at the base of Jungkook’s neck, turning his head to find the younger staring at him. 


“What?” Hoseok asks.


“Nothing. You’re’re just really pretty hyung,” Jungkook says softly. 


Hoseok giggles and reaches to tug at Jungkook’s ear gently. “Not as pretty as you.”


Jungkook hides his face in the crook of Hoseok’s neck, fingers tightening his hold on Hoseok. Hoseok leans to kiss the top of Jungkook’s head.


“You’re always my baby, my sweet Jungkookie,” Hoseok says.


This time it’s Jungkook’s turn to giggle and suddenly they’re both laughing, fingers roaming over each other’s body. 


Hoseok kisses the shell of Jungkook’s ear and runs his hands over Jungkook’s back. Jungkook might have grown several inches over the past few years and is nothing but solid muscle, there’s no denying his need to be babied at times. 


Jungkook moves to prop himself up on one arm, his other hand still petting over Hoseok’s side. 


“Can I ask you something hyung?” 


“Sure, anything,” Hoseok says. 


Jungkook hesitates, eyes looking over Hoseok’s shoulder before returning back to Hoseok’s face, holding his gaze once again. 


“Have you ever had a crush on one of the other members?” Jungkook asks.


It’s certainly not what Hoseok had expected him to ask. Not that he even had a slight idea where Jungkook was going with his question. 


“Uh, well, maybe?” Hoseok says. 


He thinks about it, his feelings towards the others and it’s definitely not a stretch to classify them as a crush. Harmless mostly, fleeting moments that didn’t really last. He adores all of them sure, and maybe he realized his sexuality along the way but it wasn’t anything he ever pursued. 


Hoseok wonders why Jungkook is asking. 


“Maybe?” Jungkook repeats. 


“I think they were crushes but honestly it was just like, realizing that everyone here is really attractive,” Hoseok says. 


“Ah, of course. So, it wouldn’t be weird if I did have a crush on someone?” Jungkook asks. 


“No, I don’t think so, it’s a normal human response. It’s not something we can control,” Hoseok says. 


Jungkook nods and pulls his legs up to his chest, resting his cheek on them. It’s moments like these that makes Hoseok realize how young Jungkook still is and how much he has missed out on. He was a child back then and all he’s known for seven years is the idol life. He’s had other crushes, Hoseok is certain of that, but it makes sense why he might develop a crush on one of the members. 


Hoseok briefly wonders if it’s him and he then shoves that thought somehow deep into his mind. 


Instead of dwelling on that thought, he scoots closer to Jungkook and wraps his arms around him, feeling Jungkook’s head tilt so it can rest on Hoseok’s shoulder. Whatever Jungkook is feeling, Hoseok wants him to know that it’s normal and valid. 


“If you ever want to talk about it, I’m here to listen. I won’t judge,” Hoseok says. 


“I know hyung, you never do. Thank you,” Jungkook says. 


Hoseok changes the topic, for both himself and Jungkook, hoping that he can stop his own growing crush. 



“Hoseokie, me and Joonie hyung are going out, we’ll be back later,” Jimin says.


“Have fun!” Hoseok says. 


He waits a few minutes and realizes the dorm is empty. Yoongi is finishing up at the studio, Seokjin is out with his brother and Taehyung has gone to the movies with friends. Hoseok doesn’t actually know where Jungkook is but one check of his room tells Hoseok that he isn’t home. 

It means Hoseok at least has a little bit of time to himself and he isn’t going to waste it. 


The pajama selection is one he hasn’t worn yet, the silk set that is a little tighter and smaller than Hoseok had realized. It’s almost like a crop top, quite a bit of Hoseok’s stomach on display. The shorts aren’t as loose as the others, a little more form fitting and they do little to conceal Hoseok’s dick; he’s not even hard and it’s still visible so he can only imagine what he will look like fully hard.


Shoved under his bed is a wand vibrator, something Hoseok hasn’t used in forever. He’s surprised it still has some charge left, thankfully, and he keeps it on it’s lowest setting at first, gasping when he presses it lightly against the head of his cock.


Hoseok can feel his mouth falling open and he’s barely done anything, but it’s been so long since he’s jerked off. His thumb presses the button to turn the vibrations up and Hoseok can feel his thighs start to shake. He glances down, seeing the wet patch that’s spreading across the front of his shorts and he feels so good.


He won’t last long, the vibrations are a little too much, but Hoseok doesn’t care it’s not like he has all night either. 


His eyes close and he can’t help but think about Jungkook, the way it feels to kiss their youngest member, how their bodies feel pressed together. Hoseok knows Jungkook would be so good to him, so gentle and Hoseok wants - 


“Hoseok hyung?” 


Hoseok’s eyes snap open and he drops the vibrator to the bed, looking over to the door where Jungkook is standing. Hoseok feels his stomach drop and he scrambles to turn the vibrator off, reaching for something to cover himself with but ends up just freezing in place. 


“Jungkook-ah, you’re home,” Hoseok manages to get out, voice cracking.


“I text the others and they said you were the only one home. I called out your name but I um, guess you couldn’t hear,” Jungkook says. 


His face is blushed pink and Hoseok feels so stupid, he knows he shouldn’t have been so careless. He glances down at his lap and he really doesn’t know what’s worse, getting caught masturbating or getting caught masturbating in silk pajamas. 


“Sorry you have to see me like this,” Hoseok says.


“Oh hyung, you don’t have to apologize. I don’t care, it doesn’t matter to me what you like,” Jungkook says.


And realistically Hoseok knows what Jungkook means but to him, it feels a little dismissive. It must show on his face because Jungkook is crossing the room, moving to kneel in front of Hoseok. His hands reach out, gently touching Hoseok’s knees, thumbs stroking at Hoseok’s skin.


“I didn’t mean it like that. I care about what you like. You look...really good. I’m just surprised, that’s all,” Jungkook says.


“You don’t think I look weird?” Hoseok asks.


“No, god you look incredible hyung. Seriously.”


Hoseok looks Jungkook in the eyes and he can see the sincerity there. 


Almost as if to prove his point, Jungkook leans up, just enough to press a kiss to the corner of Hoseok’s mouth. Hoseok lets out a strangled whine, thighs trying to clench shut. He should be the hyung and should probably put a stop to this but --


He wants it. 


“You’re so gorgeous, I swear. I haven’t been able to think about anyone but you lately,” Jungkook confesses. 


It’s been almost two weeks since their last kiss. Hoseok wonders how often Jungkook has gone to bed thinking of it, if he’s touched himself too. Hoseok turns his head slightly, letting his lips brush against Jungkook’s. 


“Googie, my baby, hyung thinks the world of you,” Hoseok says.


Jungkook gasps and Hoseok takes the opportunity to kiss him. There’s so many reasons why they shouldn’t do this, why it could be a bad idea but Hoseok ignores them. He allows himself to have this, at least this once. If he never gets it again well, he’ll always have it as a nice memory. 


He scoots back, one hand reaching to grab at Jungkook’s wrist so he can pull the younger onto the bed with him. Jungkook goes easily, both of them laying width wise across the bed which isn’t exactly the best position for this sort of thing but neither of them make a move to change.


Instead, Hoseok rolls onto his side and cups the back of Jungkook’s neck, holding him in place. Jungkook snakes a hand in between their body, cautiously placing it just above Hoseok’s knee, slowly traveling upwards, almost like he’s testing the waters. Letting Hoseok know it’s okay to say stop.


Hoseok doesn’t of course. Doesn’t say anything not even when Jungkook gets to the hem of his shorts. He just whimpers into the kiss and tries not to squirm around too much. It’s a little difficult once Jungkook pushes the shorts up some, bunching them into the crease of Hoseok’s thighs. 


“Hobi hyung, please, can I touch you?” Jungkook asks.


He sounds so far gone that Hoseok doesn’t think he could deny Jungkook a thing, not that he wants to. He simply just puts enough space between them so that he can slip out of his shorts, only slightly embarrassed by the lack of underwear. He keeps the top on, for now.


Jungkook takes a second to look at him, tongue peeking out from his lips as he touches everywhere but Hoseok’s cock. He finally does, just allowing his fingers to play with the head but Hoseok has to cover his mouth, afraid of being too loud.


“You are pretty down here too hyung,” Jungkook whispers.


“Oh my god you can’t say things like that,” Hoseok says.


Jungkook grins and reaches to pull Hoseok’s hand away, kissing him again. 


They stay like that for awhile, Hoseok’s shirt bunched up to expose his chest, as Jungkook’s hand explores every inch of Hoseok’s body. Eventually they break their kiss, Hoseok pushing Jungkook onto his back so he can finally touch Jungkook the way he wants. 


Jungkook rests his hands on Hoseok’s thighs, eyes staring straight at Hoseok's face. 


“Do you want this Jungkookie?” Hoseok asks


“Yes,” Jungkook breathes out, “I’ve been dreaming of it.”


Hoseok reaches between their bodies and pulls Jungkook’s cock out of his sweats. He’s incredibly hard and hot, pulsing in Hoseok’s hand. 


“Is this for me baby?” Hoseok teases


Jungkook goes red and bites at his bottom lip. “Yeah.”


“You’re so hard, just from making out and touching me a little. I guess you did want it.”


Hoseok pushes the foreskin back and stares in awe at the precum that leaks against Jungkook’s sweatpants. He’s so wet and Hoseok really wants to put his mouth on Jungkook but Hoseok doesn’t know though if that’s something Jungkook wants.


Hoseok instead settles on wrapping his hand around Jungkook’s shaft, slowly stroking him. This is something he’s familiar enough with that it takes no time for Jungkook to be breathless. Hoseok pays special attention to the head, thumb digging into the slit and Jungkook whimpers, eyes struggling to stay open. 


“Gorgeous, god look at you spread out for your hyung like this. Needy little baby,” Hoseok teases.


“Your baby, wanna be your baby,” Jungkook says.


Hoseok feels his heart swell. 


“You’ll always be my baby,” Hoseok says, pressing the words into the skin of Jungkook’s collarbones. Jungkook slips his hands under Hoseok’s top and pushes it up until he can take it off, letting it drop to the floor. Hoseok should feel vulnerable but they’ve seen each other naked often enough; he had even spilled on camera that Jungkook had walked in on him once while showering. 


This is different of course. He’s naked and hard, cock flushed red and drooling, Jungkook’s fingers ever so softly tracing up and down making Hoseok shiver. Jungkook is still partially dressed and Hoseok thinks that just won’t do. 


“Take your clothes off for me,” Hoseok says. 


He scoots back to give Jungkook room and Jungkook complies, his clothes making the pile on the floor grow and under normal circumstances, Hoseok would scold Jungkook and tell him to clean up but now he can’t be bothered to care. 


Seeing Jungkook laid out for him is a dream. His muscles flex with every movement and maybe Hoseok has mentioned a few times here and there his affinity for strong, muscled men. Hoseok braces himself against Jungkook’s chest, hands resting on his pecs as he grinds against Jungkook’s firm thigh. Hoseok bites his own bottom lip, watching the precum steadily leak onto Jungkook’s skin.


“Hyung, you’re so beautiful. What do you want?” Jungkook asks.


Hoseok wants it all, but he’s not prepared to do everything so he has to settle on something else. 


“Your hands,” Hoseok says.


Jungkook scoots up the bed so he can sit up against the headboard. Hoseok moves with him and settles in Jungkook’s lap, feeling Jungkook’s cock pressing against his back; Hoseok swivels his hips, just to be a tease. Not that Jungkook seems to mind. He spits in his hand twice, something Hoseok should find a little gross but sex is always a little gross. 


Plus the lube is too far away and he can’t do this dry so he has to accept the improvisation. Jungkook starts out slow, pumping his way from base up to the tip, finding spots and movements that make Hoseok gasp. He likes it slow but tight, something Jungkook catches onto very quickly. He rubs the flat of his palm over Hoseok’s head and Hoseok lets out a needy cry. 


“More, Jungkookie, please more.”


“Shh, I’m going to take care of you, I want you so much hyung you have no idea,” Jungkook says. 


Hoseok jolts in surprise when he feels two of Jungkook’s fingers trace over his rim. They’re not wet with spit or lube so Hoseok knows they won’t push inside but just the feeling of them pressing over so gently has him breathing out tiny little moans. 


Jungkook’s other hand continues stroking Hoseok’s cock, alternating between slow and fast, the dual sensations making Hoseok curl his toes, his orgasm slowly building. He can feel it in the pit of his stomach, balls tightening and he digs his own fingers into Jungkook’s shoulders, glad that his fingernails are short enough to not leave any marks behind. He doesn’t need their bandmates asking any questions. 


“I’m really close,” Hoseok whispers.


“So cum then, I want to see and hear you,” Jungkook says.


A press of Jungkook’s thumb against his hole, combined with his fingers toying with the head of his cock is enough for Hoseok and his hips kick up once, his cock spurting cum all over Jungkook’s chest and stomach. He shakes through his orgasm, thighs threatening to snap shut and Jungkook is there to soothe him through it all, little kisses being pressed against his throat. 


“Oh, fuck that was intense,” Hoseok says.


Jungkook laughs softly, his breath hot against Hoseok’s skin. Hoseok glances down and sees just how hard Jungkook still is, can practically see it throbbing. Hoseok wraps his hands around Jungkook, marveling at how thick he is. Hoseok uses his thumb to trace over the vein that runs along one side and Jungkook throws his head back, a high pitched whine following. 


“Sensitive,” Hoseok says.


“I’m so hard, don’t do this to me,” Jungkook says.


Hoseok grins and as much as he wants to drag it out, he’s lost all track of time and honestly, one of the others could come home and catch them at any time. So he makes a quick job of it, licking his lips at the fat droplets of precum that slide down Jungkook’s cock, aiding in the slide of Hoseok’s hand. He still wants to suck Jungkook’s cock but Hoseok has a feeling that this isn’t a one off thing. 


“I want you to cum on my face,” Hoseok says.


“Shit, okay, fuck that’s….yeah I can do that,” Jungkook says.


Hoseok moves from Jungkook’s lap so he can kneel down on the side of the bed, mouth open and tongue out, watching as Jungkook fists himself. He plays with his balls, squeezing them and Hoseok makes that mental note for later too. Now though he scoots closer, just lets the tip of his tongue touch Jungkook’s slit and it’s all it takes. 


Jungkook cums across his face, most of it on his cheek and lips, some of it sliding down into his mouth. Hoseok moans and swallows it down, lips closing over the head of Jungkook’s cock to clean him up, letting him go after a few seconds. 


“Taste so good,” Hoseok says.


“You’re going to kill me. You can’t say things like that,” Jungkook says.


He drops to sit on the bed, thighs spread wide and Hoseok swears his cock has barely flagged, still half hard. Hoseok can’t think about that right now, just  goes to grab a pack of wipes so he can wipe at his face, tossing them in the trash and he looks at the two of them, both of them in dire need of a shower. 


“Shower first and then talk?” Hoseok says.


“Yeah hyung, I’ll meet you back here,” Jungkook says.


He gets up, pulling his sweats back on but leaving the shirt off, choosing to carry it instead. He passes by Hoseok, one hand reaching out to grip at Hoseok’s hip as he presses a kiss against Hoseok’s lips. Hoseok lets out a surprised noise and Jungkook pulls back, lips quirked in a lopsided grin. 


Hoseok watches him leave and he goes to his own bathroom, showering quickly. His thoughts are all over the place, unsure of what will happen with them now. He wants to do it again, certainly enjoyed it and he thinks Jungkook did too. But he doesn’t know if Jungkook will really think about it during his own shower and regret it or think about the fact that Hoseok likes to wear pajamas that many would not expect most men to wear. 


His heart is beating a little faster as he steps out of the shower, drying himself off and going to grab his regular at home clothes, sitting on the bed and reaching to pick up the silk shorts and top, bunching them up. They’re gross now, in need of a wash, but he can’t let them sit on top of the hamper for Jimin to find. He’s in the middle of shoving them down in between other clothes when the door opens and Jungkook comes back in.


“Have a seat Kook-ah,” Hoseok says.


Jungkook does and Hoseok moves to join him, not surprised when Jungkook immediately wraps his arms around Hoseok’s body, clinging to him. 


“Do you regret it?” Jungkook asks. 


“No, do you?” 


“No, I really meant it when I said I wanted it, that I want you. I like you a lot hyung,” Jungkook says.


Hoseok swallows and this is all so dangerous. He doesn’t think it’s love, at least not that kind of love. Because he knows that Jungkook loves him and that he loves Jungkook. But it’s not the type of love where they’ll live together and hope to get married. There’s infatuation though, along with lust and maybe several other feelings and emotions. It makes it risky to act on any of them. 


“I like you too Jungkookie, I always have. You know it’ll be hard to keep doing this,” Hoseok says. 


“I know. But hyung, you know we wouldn’t be the first members to fool around right,”Jungkook says.


Hoseok would be naive to think otherwise; they’re seven guys who don’t always get the chance to date like most people their age. Combine that with the type of bond they have and the close quarters they’ve lived in, it shouldn’t come to a surprise. People get lonely and horny quite often and sometimes the cure is to just feel someone else’s touch. 


“No, I know we wouldn’t be the first. I suppose as long as we are careful, it can be our thing,” Hoseok says.


“Kind of like you wearing pretty things, you know I’m not judging  you for that right hyung. No one here would,” Jungkook says.


Hoseok feels his throat close up. Jungkook knows which means he would feel comfortable wearing them again around the younger but Hoseok can’t really imagine what the others might think or feel if Hoseok were to just suddenly start wearing pretty velvet shorts. 


“Do you think they’d really be okay with it? If I were to wear them often?” Hoseok asks softly.


“Of course. If  you want to tell them, I’ll be there to support you. We love each other, all of  us,” Jungkook says.


Hoseok knows that Jungkook is right and he knows it’ll be a huge weight lifted off his shoulders if he just tells the others rather than keeping it a secret. He won’t just walk out and show them, that might be a little too much at once but letting them know he might at some point will be an easy way to introduce it. 


“Thank you for listening. You always amaze me by how grown up you are now, so thoughtful to your hyungs’,” Hoseok says. 


Jungkook buries his face further into Hoseok’s neck and whines in embarrassment. Hoseok giggles and maneuvers them to lay down, letting Jungkook cuddle up to him. This isn’t anything new but Hoseok knows their relationship will change, not by much and hopefully not for the worse. Either way, Hoseok knows he’ll always look out for Jungkook to make sure he doesn’t get hurt. 


“Let’s nap hyung,” Jungkook says.


“Sounds good to me baby,” Hoseok answers. 

(Later when they wake up, the room is dark and Hoseok whispers quietly, asking if Jungkook’s crush is on him and Jungkook giggles, whispering back:


“Of course it’s you hyung, who else would it be?”)

Several days later, Hoseok does tell the others. Jungkook is next to him, one hand massaging his shoulders. The others are understanding and supportive, reassuring Hoseok that it changes nothing about him and their love for him. Jimin joins them, holding on tight and Hoseok feels so, so loved. He already knew he was lucky but this cements it; he couldn’t be any luckier. 


Slowly, he allows himself to walk around the dorm in his pajamas. The coo at him, mostly Jimin and Taehyung. Jungkook is his usual touchy self, always wrapping his arms around Hoseok whenever he’s close enough. They haven’t told anyone else about their time together, it’s something they’re still figuring out and when they think the time is right, they’ll tell the others. 


For now, it’s fine spending whatever alone time they can together. Dates out by the Han river, movie nights in Jungkook’s room. Sometimes they’ll sneak into a bathroom together and jerk each other off, trying to be quiet as the others pass by. 


One day, Jungkook surprises him. 


They’re alone, not caring where the others are as they lay on Jungkook’s bed, basking in their post orgasmic glow. Hoseok sighs as he feels Jungkook’s fingers press against his rim and Hoseok slaps gently at Jungkook’s stomach.


“I cannot go again so don’t even think about it,” Hoseok says. 


“I’m not going to, just want to touch you,” Jungkook says. 


He moves his hand way though, rolling over to grab something from next to his bed. It’s a gift bag and he hands it over to Hoseok. Hoseok takes it, a little confused since it’s not his birthday and they rarely buy each other gifts anymore. Getting something out of the blue is unexpected. 


“I looked at your other pajamas to make sure I got the size right. I hope you like them, well everything in there. Um, if you don’t I can take them back,” Jungkook says. 


Hoseok reaches into the bag and pulls the tissue paper out first before pulling the pajamas out. They’re a soft velvet, shorts that will definitely be tight on him and a crop top to match with thin straps. Hoseok knows he’s blushing and he can’t help it, though he’s definitely excited to wear this for Jungkook. 


“I love them, Hoseok says, “They’re perfect.”


“They came with some socks too, you don’t have to wear those if you don’t like, I just thought you’d look nice in them,” Jungkook says. 


Hoseok feels touched. To have someone who supports him and wants to see him wear stuff like this feels like a fever dream. 


“I’m going to go shower, I’ll be back,” Hoseok says. 


He takes the quickest shower of his life, putting everything on and looking in the mirror. He looks hot, nipples hard and visible through the fabric. The socks aren’t something he thought he’d like but they look amazing with the outfit, coming up just above his knee. He pulls the robe on over, passing by Yoongi on his way to Jungkook’s room, sparing him a quick hello.


Back inside Jungkook’s room, he drops the robe. Jungkook’s mouth drops with it. 


“Holy shit hyung. You’re so stunning,” Jungkook says. 


Hoseok turns and comes to stand in front of Jungkook. He lets Jungkook run his hands over his body, nearly slipping up the hem of the shorts before moving upwards, settling on Hoseok’s waist. 


Jungkook leans forward, pressing a kiss against Hoseok’s stomach and Hoseok drags his nails over the back of Jungkook’s neck, so full of fondness. 


“Thank you, for being so thoughtful,” Hoseok says.


Jungkook looks up at him, eyes sparkling. “Anything for you hyung. I just want you to be happy.”


And Hoseok has never been happier.