Work Header

Hollandaise Sauce

Work Text:

“That seems very cruel,” Castiel said with a frown.

Sam chuckled. “Well, pranks are cruel, but if you're doing them to each other, it's fun and everybody deserves what they get!”

Cas' frown deepened. “I suppose.”

“It's a human thing, Cas,” Sam said with a shrug.

Cas looked at Sam, obviously a little more interested, though still skeptical. It was sort of manipulative to use the “it's a human thing” argument against Cas, but Sam really needed to get Dean back for that last prank. He still finding shaving cream in various places around his room.

“He won't be hurt by this?” Cas asked, a concerned look on his face.

Sam snorted. “I'm probably gonna be the one who gets hurt by this when he punches me.”

Cas nodded. “Okay. I'll do it.”

“Yes!” Sam said with a big smile.


Sam had cooked a really great dinner, and Cas had helped by setting the table and making a salad. Sam wasn't making the meal as part of the prank. They all enjoyed the small amount of domesticity the bunker allowed them, and Sam had learned he loved cooking. He didn't always have time to do it, but it made the bunker feel like a home.

“Smells great!” Dean said as he walked into the kitchen.

“Thanks!” Sam said as he started dishing up the food. “Have a seat. It's all ready.”

They sat at the table, Dean to Cas' right and Sam across from Cas. Sam loved trying new things out on Cas. He hadn't been human for long, but each time he tried something new, it was interesting and fun to see if it was something Cas liked.

Sam sat there grinning while Cas picked up his stalk of asparagus instead of stabbing it with the fork. “Try it without the sauce first, see if you like it. If it's not one of your favorites, the Hollandaise sauce might make it taste better to you,” Sam suggested.

Cas sniffed it, then took a bite. “It's different, but I think I like it.”

“Cool!” Sam said. “What do you think of the sauce?”

Cas picked up another stalk of asparagus and pulled it through the sauce, then pushed the whole thing into his mouth, chewing slowly. A smile grew on his face. “I like the sauce!” he said with a mouthful of chewed asparagus.

Dean chuckled as Sam rolled his eyes. “You just gotta get used to it, man,” Dean said.

“Get used to what?” Cas asked, rolling another asparagus stalk in the Hollandaise sauce.

“Sam's a big baby about talking with your mouth full of food,” Dean said with a mouthful of food.

Sam sighed. “No class. Either of you,” he said, shaking his head, then nudged Cas' leg under the table.

Cas looked up at Sam, the asparagus hanging halfway out of his mouth, and Sam gave a slight nod toward Dean and winked. Cas nodded and chewed his food.

Cas wiped his mouth, then turned his attention to Dean. “Dean, I have something I need to tell you,” he said, voice completely serious and face showing no signs of anything but sincerity.

Dean washed his food down with a swig of beer. “Okay,” he said with a nod.

Sam feigned nonchalance, continuing to eat his dinner as Cas reached out and took Dean's left hand in his. Sam nearly choked on his food, the gesture intimate in a way Sam hadn't expected from Cas.

“I... I'm in love with you,” Cas said softly.

Sam's fork stopped midway between his plate and his mouth, his jaw dropped, and he mentally congratulated Cas on his awesome acting skills.

Dean's eyes slowly widened. “You do?” he breathed, as if someone had punched him in the gut.

That's when Sam started to feel a little bad about what he'd done. Dean looked blown away instead of pissed. He knew Dean wasn't homophobic, so he wasn't worried about Dean going off on Cas for being gay or bisexual, but he hadn't expected the soft tone of voice that had just come from his brother.

Cas nodded. “I've wanted to tell you for a while now.”

Dean gave Cas a small smile. “I'm glad you told me.”

Cas smiled back, his stiff posture loosening up a little now that Dean was smiling.

“I've been in love with you too,” Dean said, rubbing his thumb over the back of Cas' hand.

Sam dropped his fork, but neither Dean nor Cas paid any attention to him. He gripped the edge of the table hard and panicked in silence. What had he done? His brother looked sincere. Like, really sincere. And Cas couldn't have realized what it would do to a human if this all turned out to be a prank.

“I wanna kiss you,” Dean blurted. “Can I kiss you, Cas?” he asked, vulnerability in his voice and his eyes.

Sam wanted to scream. He wanted a hole to swallow him up. He wanted to go back in time two minutes and stop this from ever happening. How the Hell had this been a good idea?

“Yes, Dean,” Cas said, then leaned toward Dean.

Dean smiled as he leaned closer to Cas, then their lips met in a gentle kiss, as if they weren't sure of themselves, but they both really wanted it. Dean reached up and put his hands on either side of Cas' face, pulling him closer.

A squeak came from Sam's open mouth as Dean licked at Cas' lips and then pushed his tongue inside Cas' mouth. Cas moaned, eyes closing as Dean's right hand cupped the back of his head, then ran down Cas' back, pulling him even closer.

Cas went willingly, and as Dean scooted his chair back, Cas straddled Dean's thighs and wrapped his arms around Dean's neck, grinding down against Dean's crotch.

It was at once the most sensual and most horrific thing Sam had ever witnessed. He'd just played a big part in stomping on his brother's heart.

Dean reached between them and started to fumble with Cas' jeans, which was what shook Sam from his very quiet episode of freaking the fuck out.

“Oh, my god, stop!” Sam wailed as he stood up, knocking his chair over backward in the process. “It's a prank! I made Cas prank you!”

But they didn't stop. Dean didn't scowl at him or jump up and start hitting him. Instead the two seemed to melt against each other, Dean pushing his face into Cas' neck. Just as Sam was about to walk around the table and pry them apart, beg for forgiveness, he heard a snort.

Dean was shaking, or rather his shoulders were shaking, and another snort came out, magnified by the fact that Dean's face was pushed into Cas' neck. The snort was followed up by what can only be described as a giggle.

Sam, beyond confused, just stood there, arms out at his sides and his mouth opening and closing. It wasn't until Dean turned to look at him that he started to catch on, tears running down Dean's cheeks as he laughed so hard he couldn't even talk.

Cas looked up at Sam, a shit-eating grin on his face. “That was fun! Now I see why the two of you enjoy this!”

Sam sighed, running his hands over his face. “Okay, you got me,” Sam said, shaking his head. “And just for future reference,” he said to Cas, “you don't tell the person you're pranking about the prank.”

Dean chuckled. “You do when it means you can totally turn things around on the original prankster,” he said with a grin, then looked up at Cas. “Your mouth tastes like Hollandaise,” he said, then licked into Cas' mouth again, moaning.

Sam's eyes widened and he sputtered for a few moments. “Dude, the prank's over. You can stop trying to sell it.”

Dean finished the kiss with a nibble to Cas' lower lip, then grinned up at Sam. “You're not nearly as observant as I give you credit for.”

“Huh?” Sam asked, a very confused look on his face.

“You think he just automatically knew how to kiss like that?” Dean asked with a smirk.

Sam blinked at Dean a couple of times, everything falling into place in his head. Sam huffed out a laugh as he set his chair back on its feet and flopped down onto it.

“Dean and I are very private,” Cas said. “We don't often display our affection in public.”

“You seriously didn't notice that he's sleeping in my room?” Dean asked.

Sam shook his head, chuckling. “I saw him come out of there a couple mornings, but I just thought the two of you had been talking.”

“He's not a big talker,” Dean said with a wink. “Mostly he moans and whimpers and...”

“Okay,” Sam blurted, “I get it. No need to go into detail.”

Dean chuckled. “Well, I'm still hungry. Are you still hungry, Cas?”

Cas frowned. “My penis hurts,” he complained with a pout.

Sam was glad he hadn't been drinking. Instead of spitting water all over the table, he ended up letting out a bark of laughter.

“Do you want me to take care of it or can you finish your food first?” Dean asked.

Sam's chest tightened at the tone of Dean's voice. He really did care for Cas. He wasn't joking or making light of the situation. He also wasn't acting like an oversexed hound dog.

Cas continued pouting. “It's really hard,” he said softly.

“You know what?” Sam said as he stood up. “I'm going to take my plate to my room. I've got some stuff to do on the laptop anyway. You two have fun,” he said with a smile.

“Grab the Hollandaise sauce,” Dean said to Cas.

Sam's dick twitched as he walked out of the kitchen, unable to help himself as he imagined all the things they could do with the sauce.

The End