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i see it, i like it, i want it, i got it

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Donghyuck’s phone buzzed and when he saw who’d just kakao’d him he glared at the text with open disdain.

11.24pm - when can i see you again?

“Hopefully never,” Donghyuck muttered with feeling, trying not to let his brain throw up any memory of what had happened earlier that day in the company’s basement two bathroom, a horribly, unspeakably dissatisfying conclusion to weeks of his precious time and effort invested in what he thought would end in him finally finding out at the very least what the big deal about blowjobs was but. BUT.

Too late; the text and the name linked to the face of the boy which linked to his mouth which linked to the exact way his back teeth had scraped excruciatingly over the sensitive head of Donghyuck’s hopeful cock a few hours ago and present-Donghyuck squeezed his eyes shut tight in a silent prayer for amnesia. His cock had deflated in record time, along with his faith in boys and life in general.

Donghyuck made up his mind in one fell swoop. He was too goddamn pretty to be suffering like this.

“Johnny hyung,” Donghyuck started sweetly, shoving his phone under his pillow and turning onto his side to face Johnny lying in his own bed. He widened his eyes, trying to look as fetching as he could in the low light coming from the bedside lamp in between them.

“Uh-oh,” Johnny murmured, not looking away from his own phone he was scrolling through. “That voice means trouble.”

“What voice? My voice?”

“Mhm. Generally when you use that tone trouble is usually not far behind. Can it wait till tomorrow? Let me have one last peaceful night’s sleep first?”

Donghyuck tsked sharply at him, getting off his own bed and climbing on top of Johnny to straddle his thighs so that Johnny had no choice but to put his phone down and focus all his attention on Donghyuck. “Hyung. You love me, right?”

Johnny raised an eyebrow, deadpan. “And here it comes. Why?”

“Why, what?” Donghyuck asked, smiling winningly.

“Why are you asking me this?”

“Why are you being so suspicious?”

“Are you telling me you don’t want something?”

Donghyuck scowled and sat back more heavily on Johnny such that Johnny, wincing, had to pull him higher up his legs to take the pressure off his knees.

“Oh, hello,” Donghyuck grinned when he settled just shy of Johnny’s hips, thin sleep shorts riding dangerously up his own thighs.

“Demon child, what are you up to now?” Johnny asked tiredly, and Donghyuck decided to take pity on him.

“Hyung, you’re twenty-six, right?”

“Twenty-five,” Johnny replied instantly out of habit. “I’ll never get used to the whole korean age thing.”

“Okay, Chicago,” Donghyuck said. “Anyway. When did you have sex for the first time?”

Johnny just stared, and Donghyuck could actually see the awkwardness of allowing Donghyuck to sit on him in this position while asking him about losing his virginity bloom across his face.


“I’m serious. When?”

Johnny gave up and gestured vaguely in the air. “Eighteen?”

“Girl or boy?”

“What is this, twenty questions?”

“Okay, not important right now, but know that I’m going to weasel it out of you eventually. Basically, if you’re twenty-five now, and you first had sex at eighteen, that means you’ve had more or less seven years of experience from then till now. Which means that you should be passably good at it, right? Or at least not bad?”

Johnny paused, then smirked. “Well, I mean - sure hope so. Never had any complaints.”

“Exactly,” Donghyuck nodded with satisfaction. “What I need is a man, not a boy. Definitely not a boy who came within two minutes of me putting my hand down his pants and then nearly bit my dick off because he’s never blown anyone before.”

“Ah,” Johnny said delicately, trying very, very hard not to laugh. “Anyone I know?”

Donghyuck waved a hand dismissively. “He’s dead to me now. I should have known better. Why do I keep doing this to myself, hyung? This is like, the second time I’ve tried to hook up with someone only for me to want to run away ten minutes in. Fuck all these inexperienced boys.”

“Says the inexperienced boy. So what you’re trying to get at is,” Johnny folded both hands behind his head, amused. “You want an older man? For sex? Oh my god, Lee Donghyuck.”

“I’m tired of fumbling around with someone else who doesn’t know what they’re doing either, hyung. I don’t want to give some fool my virginity and have it be a memory I’m forever embarrassed by. You know? I deserve better than that!”

“Well, I guess,” Johnny answered sympathetically, and then his eyes bulged abruptly as the entirety of the conversation caught up to him. “Wait-”

“So will you fuck me?”

Johnny looked for a second like he was either going to explode into raucous laughter or start yelling before he remembered it was almost midnight and took deep breaths to calm himself. “No, thanks.”

It was truly rare that Donghyuck was ever speechless, and the strength of his shock only served to send Johnny off into a round of helpless giggles.

“What do you mean, ‘no thanks’?” Donghyuck hissed scathingly once he’d found his voice again. “Are you out of your mind? This is me asking. Have you seen me? How often is this going to happen to you in your lifetime?”

“Oh, your self-confidence,” Johnny grinned fondly, squeezing one of Donghyuck’s thighs and still struggling with the hilarity of being propositioned so plainly. “I’m honoured, don’t get me wrong. But I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“Why not!”

“Look, some people can fuck without feelings - that’s you, clearly - but I’m not one of them. Do you want me to get all weird and clingy after?”

“Really?” Donghyuck made a face. “Never pegged you for that kind, hyung.”

“I am what I am,” Johnny shrugged cheerfully. “I can’t fuck someone and then pretend nothing happened. Actually, not sure I’d even be able to get it up for you in the first place, baby.”

“How dare you.”

Johnny laughed, fending off the not-so-playful punch Donghyuck aimed at his chest and feeling a rush of warm affection at the offended flush on Donghyuck’s cheeks. “It’s not you. You’re beautiful, you know that. I just can’t be attracted to you that way. Which, let’s be very real here, is a fucking good thing.”

“I wouldn’t mind if you were tragically in love with me, hyung,” Donghyuck smiled, coy.

“Of course you wouldn’t. You want everybody to be in love with you.”

Donghyuck preened. “It’s what I deserve.”

“Uh-huh. So, was I your only option?”

“Who else can I ask, hyung?” Donghyuck complained. “There isn’t exactly a long list of people we know who’re not totally straight to begin with.”


Donghyuck stared at Johnny and Johnny stared back at him before they both fell over themselves laughing, weakly trying to shush each other before they woke Doyoung up and he came in to shout at them.

“Do you want Mark hyung to die? Because that will happen if I ask him. He’ll just collapse right then and there and die.”

“Okay, no,” Johnny wheezed, wiping a tear from his eye. “Not Mark. Though he would actually be a good choice. He’d treat you well.”

“I’m pretty sure it’d be the blind leading the blind, hyung,” Donghyuck said flatly. “I highly doubt he’s had much more experience than me. Or like, at all. He would’ve told me.”

Johnny looked at him thoughtfully then, softly rubbing Donghyuck’s knees with his thumbs. “What about Taeil hyung?”

“Okay, bye.” Donghyuck immediately moved to get off Johnny and escape back to his own bed before Johnny caught him by a wrist and pulled him back.

“Honestly, I’m really surprised you’re asking me first and not him.”

“I can’t ask him,” Donghyuck mumbled, unable to look back at Johnny and hating himself for it. “You know why.”

“Oh, baby, still?” Johnny soothed, tugging him down and folding a sulking Donghyuck forward onto him into a hug. “This is the longest-running sort-of secret crush I’ve ever heard of. It’s probably a world record.”

“Shut up,” Donghyuck said, thickly muffled by Johnny’s pajamas.

“You can’t ask him because you wouldn’t be able to take it if he said no, or you’re just too scared to even ask him?”


Johnny rubbed his back for a few more quiet moments before Donghyuck pushed up off of his chest with his hands, embarrassed. “Well, that’s that, then. Guess I’m just doomed forever. I’m going to die a virgin, that’s all!”

“So dramatic,” Johnny shook his head, twisting and reaching to turn off their light once Donghyuck had climbed off him. “You know, if it helps I’m pretty sure that first-time sex is always meant to be awkward and bad. Mine was.”

“Sucks for you, hyung,” came Donghyuck’s blithe reply in the darkness. “My first time is going to be amazing. You know, in fifty years when I’m no longer a celebrity and I finally can date and fuck whomever I want without it becoming a huge scandal.”

Johnny snorted. “All the best.”


Unlike the soul-crushing disappointment of that evening, the next day Donghyuck was blissfully happy.

He usually was, when due to some miracle of cosmic planet alignment and members’ schedule planning he wasn’t trying to vy for Taeil’s attention with three or four other people and just the two of them could be alone together. It didn’t even matter what they did just as long as he had Taeil completely to himself; just like now, pressed drowsily against his side and blessedly soaking in Taeil’s body heat and the scent of his skin. He almost felt like he was floating.

This was enough. This was so much more than enough, more than Donghyuck ever thought he’d be allowed to have, despite the universal law that Donghyuck strongly believed should exist if there was indeed justice on this earth: that what Donghyuck wanted, Donghyuck should be given.

“Hyung, you love me, right?” Donghyuck said softly, tracing patterns on Taeil’s shirt over his stomach. Taeil looked down at Donghyuck lying on his chest and smiled his usual smile when Donghyuck was fishing for attention or affection. They locked eyes for barely a second before Donghyuck quickly looked away, focusing his gaze instead on Taeil’s backpack sitting by the foot of his bed they were lying on.

“You already know I love you,” Taeil said, and then closed his eyes to go back to listening to the new music Jaehyun had recommended him, one airpod in his left ear and the other in Donghyuck’s right.

I love you. So easy, no wondering if Donghyuck was up to something or playing any kind of game, always so accepting and receptive. Taeil had never turned him away, no matter what Donghyuck did or how outrageously he did it.

You get to touch him. You get to spend time with him. You get to talk to him about anything. You get to have his attention and love. Don’t ruin it. This ran nonstop like a mantra through Donghyuck’s mind, but Donghyuck had long suspected that his entire existence was nature’s fuel to the fire of bad ideas and Johnny’s voice saying ‘What about Taeil hyung?’ had played and replayed in his ear so many times it was like the inside of his skull was tattooed with the words.

This wasn’t ever going to be enough for him. The more Donghyuck got of Taeil, the more Donghyuck wanted; and Donghyuck wanted.

“Hyung?” Donghyuck started, and then immediately panicked for not thinking this through because he was sure Taeil could feel his heart hammering stupidly in his chest. Taeil hummed to show he’d heard Donghyuck, but Donghyuck had already pathetically lost his nerve and he shook his head, closing his eyes. How would he even ask? He was starting to appreciate just how ridiculous he must have sounded to Johnny, and Johnny rejecting him didn’t even matter. If Taeil said no to him - Enough now, Donghyuck. Let it go.

“When were you going to tell me about that trainee boy you’re seeing?”

The question was so soft and unassuming that when it finally registered in Donghyuck’s brain through what must have been osmosis he nearly swallowed his tongue. Rushing to push himself up to a sitting position he faced Taeil who was still placidly lying back against his pillows, hair silky soft and whole body so languid Donghyuck wanted to die a little bit.

What? How did you hear- has he been telling people?

Taeil blinked and paused the music, taking out his airpod. “No, you just forget that we’re around each other almost twenty-four seven and you’re not exactly the most subtle person in the world. I saw you sneak off to the bathrooms yesterday with him, after you told me you were going to be busy the whole afternoon with vocal training. Plus some trainee that keeps hanging around outside waiting for you while we practice is going to draw attention, you know that. Silly boy,” Taeil grinned, reaching for Donghyuck’s head to muss his hair.

Donghyuck was dumbfounded, not because he had nothing to say but because he had too much and the words were tangling up his tongue on their way out.

“I’m not seeing him,” he managed to force out eventually. “We’re not dating or anything. I promise.”

Taeil raised his eyebrows at Donghyuck’s urgent tone, and Donghyuck cursed himself for not being able to play it cool when Taeil thought Donghyuck maybe liked someone and the sad reality was that Donghyuck had been hopelessly carrying a torch for Taeil since the moment he’d met him. Not like Taeil even knew or cared anyway so oh my god Lee Donghyuck shut your mouth please for once in your life.

“It’s okay, you know? You don’t have to be scared of me knowing.”

“I’m not,” Donghyuck said, and then stopped to breathe, the fading anxiety that had run through him at the thought that people knew about him and the boy making him slightly lightheaded. “I’m just - it’s really nothing. We were just messing around. And it’s over now.”

“Already? You okay?” Taeil asked, letting his hand rest warm on Donghyuck’s knee and the tenderness of it made Donghyuck want to melt right into the mattress.

“Sure, hyung. It’s not like I was in love with him or anything. No feelings involved at all.”

“Just fooling around?” Taeil laughed. “Just horny teenager things?”

“I’m going to be twenty-one in four months,” Donghyuck stressed, making Taeil laugh even more.

“Hey, at least one of us is getting some,” Taeil said, pretending to be put out. “Have some fun for the both of us.”

“It wasn’t even good,” Donghyuck muttered, his stupid crushing-on-Taeil heart racing.

“Disappointing, huh?” Taeil grinned at him, and Donghyuck’s stomach swooped towards his toes and then into his throat at the way Taeil was looking at him, but also at the way Taeil knew him.

“Very,” Donghyuck sighed, sitting back on his hands. “It’s just sad.”

“Sad?” Taeil burst out laughing. “How bad could it have been?”

“Two virgins trying to guess what to do while also trying not to get caught in a public bathroom, hyung, you figure it out.” Donghyuck whined, drowning in a horrible combination of frustration and embarrassment.

“Two-” Taeil stopped for just a beat too long. “You’re still a-”

Donghyuck’s heart lodged itself in his throat, cheeks starting to burn. He didn’t dare look at Taeil, so he stared at the hem of Taeil’s shirt instead. “Yeah.”

“Oh. I thought when you said you were fooling around, you meant- okay. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with that. There’s no age limit, no rush.”

“I know,” Donghyuck mumbled, sure by now his entire face was on fire right down into his neck. “I mean, I have - done stuff. Kind of. A bit.”

Taeil didn’t reply, and Donghyuck had to silently talk himself into looking up at him, scared of what he’d see. Taeil was smiling at him, looking so fond that Donghyuck’s throat nearly went dry.

“Whoever it is who you choose to be the first, he’ll be really lucky,” Taeil told him gently, and Donghyuck wanted to cry at the same time he wanted to tear all his clothes off and fucking jump Taeil. How did Taeil always manage to reduce him to this soggy mess?

“Really?” Donghyuck asked, swallowing hard. “Why?”

“What do you mean ‘why?’” Taeil poked him with one foot as if the question was offensive. “Why wouldn’t he be lucky?”

“I think whoever was your first time was even luckier,” Donghyuck blurted out, and Taeil’s eyes went huge.


“Yeah, hyung,” Donghyuck sighed deeply, taking Taeil’s hand as he surrendered to his mouth running away with him. It was a lost cause. “You’re so sweet, and good, and - hot, I can just-” Donghyuck fortunately managed to snap his mouth shut, mildly horrified that he was going to say he could just imagine how delicious a younger virgin Taeil about to have sex for the first time would have been. He’d thought about it a hundred times, but Taeil of all people didn’t need to know that. Whoever Taeil had trusted then to have that first intimate experience with - god. Donghyuck burned.

Red stole across Taeil’s cheeks as he laughed self-consciously, watching Donghyuck play with his fingers as Donghyuck watched him, wanting nothing but to cover Taeil’s entire flushed face in kisses.

“What was your first time like, hyung? Johnny hyung says his was bad, and that I should just prepare myself that mine will be too. The way things have been going I believe him.”

“You talked about this with Johnny?” Taeil asked, sitting up properly.

“Uh, kind of,” Donghyuck nodded, thanking every deity he could think of that Johnny was good with secrets and would never tell anyone else what Donghyuck had asked him, even if it would have made a good ego-boosting brag. “So, was it good?”

“Yeah,” Taeil mused, nodding his head slowly. “It was - I mean. We weren’t exactly together, but - we liked each other? It was a good experience, I don’t regret it.”

“That’s what I’m really trying to avoid,” Donghyuck replied eagerly, strongly pushing down the urge to ask Taeil who it was and to describe it in excruciating detail. “Regretting my first time.”

“What do you mean?” Taeil asked, confused.

“Hyung-” Donghyuck started to tell him just what happened in that bathroom cubicle of shame yesterday but found he just couldn’t. He physically could not bring himself to talk about the embarrassing interactions his dick had had with that boy, not when Taeil was sitting cross-legged in front of him now looking like the most adorable snack he has ever seen and could eat up in one bite.

“Okay, hyung, think about it this way. There’s this new food you’ve heard about that you’ve never tried before, and so many people tell you that this food is amazing and you really want to try it too but you don’t really know where to start to find this food, and there are not really that many restaurants that you know of that serve it the way you want it to begin with because of your, uh, special preferences,” Donghyuck warms to his theme, noting how badly Taeil is trying not to smile too obviously at Donghyuck’s choice of metaphor. “And you really don’t want to go to a restaurant that you think serves this food but actually doesn’t, because that would be really embarrassing and possibly a huge disaster, so that’s already the first difficulty. Then, you know that if you went to a restaurant that didn’t really know how to make this food well you’d maybe forever be upset that your first experience of this food wasn’t as great as everyone else said it would be, just because you didn’t go to a restaurant that was really good at making the food, you know? Like what if you never knew how super amazing this food really could be but just because when you did get to eat it it was kinda bleh so you just never really bothered with it anymore?”

Taeil was outright laughing by then, almost doubled over in front of Donghyuck. “Hyuck - Hyuck, are you saying that if your first time isn’t good you’re going to give up on sex forever?”

“No, I’m just saying that when you don’t know any better, why would you not go to a restaurant that has a lot of good reviews and clearly knows what it’s doing with the food rather than just blindly walk into any old place and run the risk of being served a really bad meal? Especially if the restaurant is new and the chef maybe has never cooked this food before? And if you’ve never had this food before and are really excited to try it for the first time and really don’t want anything to spoil this first experience because you know it’s going to be memorable and you don’t want to be let down.”

Taeil blinked a few times, clearly amused to hell and back. “Well - I mean, you definitely do have a point. But you’ve got all the time in the world, Hyuck. Isn’t the fun of it being with someone you like and figuring it out together? Why don’t you want to wait till you’re in a relationship? I think, even if your first time wasn’t perfect it still wouldn’t matter because it’s a precious memory with someone you had feelings for, you know?”

Because you’re the only one I want that way and you don’t like me back, and I have to take anything I can get. The thought hit Donghyuck like a particularly cruel lightning bolt. “In this job, hyung?” Donghyuck scoffed, settling for being dismissive to cover the panging of his heart. Feelings were disgusting. “Don’t be sappy. Look at Jisungie, he doesn’t even have friends his own age. And you want me to wait till I’m in a relationship with someone? It’s hard enough for the straights.”

“The straights,” Taeil repeated faintly. “Can’t say you’re wrong there, but - don’t you think all this is a bit dramatic, Hyuckie?”

“Why is everyone always calling me dramatic when I’m being serious?” Donghyuck demanded.

“It’s just-” Taeil started and then stopped. “I get it, I do, but. How are you even going to make sure of this? That your first time is going to be good? It’s not like you can look it up online like restaurant reviews.”

“I can if I get someone who’s already got enough experience.”

“Like who?” Taeil challenged, and everything clicked into place as Donghyuck hurtled down the tunnel of inevitability, aware of his mouth opening and forming the words like he’s watching himself from very far away.

“Like you,” Donghyuck shot back, and then covered his mouth with both hands.

Taeil, stunned, let his jaw go slack as he stared at Donghyuck, searching his face for a hint that Donghyuck was joking. “Me.”

Donghyuck took a deep breath and lowered his hands. No turning back now. “Yes.”

“How - how do you know if I’m good at sex?”

“I’m hoping you are?”


“I mean, even if you’re not - not that fantastic in bed,” Donghyuck fumbled, his heart and stomach both doing some kind of crazy latin dance inside of him, “I know you won’t let me down. I know you’ll take care of me, and teach me what to do. It won’t ever be something I look back on and be like, oh my god, cringe, why did I do that? You know?”

Taeil was just staring at him like Donghyuck had grown two heads. “Are you actually serious right now? You want to - with me?”

“I want it to be you, hyung,” Donghyuck said, so embarrassed that he didn’t have to fake how sincere he was. “I know you think I’m being ridiculous about this but I know what I’m doing.”

“So you - you just-” Taeil tried, and then stopped, absently fanning his blushing face in a way that had Donghyuck wanting to die at how cute he was. “You want to basically skip to the next level? Like in a game? With a cheat code?”

Hyung,” Donghyuck exclaimed, strangely delighted despite himself. “You got it. Why waste useless hours trying to beat the level on my own when I could have help progressing?”

“You’re amazing,” Taeil muttered, contemplating Donghyuck. “I’m not sure why I’m surprised, because it’s you, but I still am.”

“You don’t have to say yes,” Donghyuck said quickly, wishing his heart would stop pounding so fast and fighting the sinking feeling in his stomach from Taeil’s reaction. “It’s okay if you don’t want to.”

Taeil exhaled, fixing Donghyuck’s left knee with his eyes. “Is this what you talked about with Johnny?”

“No!” Donghyuck almost fell off the bed. “No. No! I don’t want to sleep with Johnny hyung.” Donghyuck silently congratulated himself on the quick lie, which he immediately regretted at the next serious words out of Taeil’s mouth.

“But you want to sleep with me?”

Donghyuck teetered on the edge of the cliff, taking a deep breath to steady his thoughts. To appear like this wasn’t a big deal and he wouldn’t mind whoever fucking him and potentially put Taeil off, or to totally give himself away and reveal how much this really meant to him and potentially put Taeil off?

“Well,” Donghyuck swallowed, and committed his soul to God. “I was kind of afraid Johnny hyung’s dick would be too big for me, you know? But I think yours would be manageable.”

There was absolute silence between them until Taeil grabbed a pillow and hit Donghyuck with a scandalised yell, Donghyuck screaming out in laughter as he scrambled to try to save himself from the subsequent hits.

“Insulting my dick is not the way to get what you want,” Taeil huffed jokingly, trying to get his breath back once he’d gotten in two or three more good whacks. Donghyuck moaned, a bruised but utterly relieved heap at the foot of the bed.

“Should I praise it instead?” Donghyuck asked, giving his best puppy eyes.

Taeil just shook his head in amusement, letting himself fall back against his pillows. Donghyuck slowly got up and tentatively slotted himself back into Taeil’s side, hyperaware of any movement Taeil might have made that meant he was uncomfortable.

They’re both quiet for a time, Donghyuck silently freaking out as Taeil rested one very careful hand on Donghyuck’s waist. Donghyuck felt it like a firebrand.

“Let me think about it,” Taeil said eventually, Donghyuck hearing his voice reverberate through his chest. “Okay? I don’t want - anything to change between us. And sex can do that.”

Donghyuck nodded, not trusting himself to speak.


One week later

Donghyuck sighed. “Hyung, I’m back,” he said, pushing open the door to their bedroom. “They didn’t let me stay in Indonesia so I had to come back.”

Donghyuck had been stuck on the last conversation he’d had with Johnny before he’d left, holding onto it like an anchor to whatever he’d known before. He’d started thinking of it as the very last page of his previous life, as opposed to the new life he was going to start when he came back after this Dream Show concert and had to begin to try to repair his friendship with Taeil. Pretend to never have crossed a boundary he shouldn’t have crossed, pretend Taeil was purely nothing more to him than just a friend - maybe start hanging out more with other members, touch Taeil less. Talk to him less, until Taeil stopped being weirded out and they could go back to some semblance of what they used to be. Johnny really was right - when he opened his mouth trouble followed.

“When are you coming back?” Johnny asked, watching Donghyuck race around their room packing before leaving for the airport with the other Dreamies. He’d showed up at almost the last minute, having gone missing almost the entire day with nobody but Johnny knowing whom he was avoiding. After four days of Taeil being the most un-Taeil he could be to those who were watching closely - nervous, spacey, and Donghyuck feeling it like a personal attack - Donghyuck could almost cry from how grateful he was that he had to leave the country for a short while.

“Three days,” comes the reply. “But I might actually stay there, so here’s goodbye in advance. I’m going to run away and go native.”


“Then Taeil hyung can stop acting so weird and overthinking everything and everything can go back to like it was before I opened my fucking big mouth and fucked it all up.”


Donghyuck ignored him, swiping one of Johnny’s hoodies into his bag as if he owned it.

“Look, maybe he’s having trouble processing or whatever, but he loves you so much, Hyuckie-”


Donghyuck turned away and Johnny watched Donghyuck’s back rise and fall before he heard a sniffle and was half out of his bed before he knew it.


“No! Stay there! I’m a boss bitch and I don’t cry. Especially over dumb boys.” Donghyuck lifted his hands to his face to wipe his eyes before turning around to Johnny to fix him with a defiant glare. “I’m not crying, hyung. I’m fine. It’s fine.”

Johnny rolled his eyes and sat down again with a soft sigh. “Do you want me to talk to him?”

“No. When I come back I’m just going to act like I never said anything and that will give him his way out so he can pretend nothing happened. And then everything will go back to normal.”

“So what are you going to do now about your master plan?”

Donghyuck snorted, grabbing underwear from his wardrobe. “Maybe I’ll ask Renjun. He’ll either kill me or fuck me, both of which would be welcome. Maybe he’ll fuck me then kill me, even better.”

“Listen, baby, I’ve been thinking. I don’t mind doing it? If it means so much to you?”

Johnny waited until Donghyuck slowly turned back around from the wardrobe, and then shrank back a little at the look on Donghyuck’s face.

“Did you just offer to pity-fuck me, hyung?” Donghyuck asked, voice dangerous.

Johnny thought fast. “No?”

“Good. That’s what I thought.” Donghyuck turned back to grab a few more clothes and Johnny exhaled in relief at his narrow escape, wondering if he should let Donghyuck steal another one of his hoodies as a peace offering. They both jumped slightly when just then a manager called out from the living room for Donghyuck to get going and Donghyuck, flustered, hastily surveyed his suitcase for anything he might have missed before banging it shut and zipping it up.

“Message me when you get there, okay? Have a good show.”

“I will,” Donghyuck said, stopping in front of Johnny for a hug, clearly wanting the comfort but refusing to admit it from the way he sank into Johnny’s embrace before briskly wheeling his luggage out of the room.

“Why did you want to stay in Indonesia?”

Donghyuck froze just inside the door, painfully knocking his luggage against his right heel at the sound and sight of Taeil on his bed dressed comfortably for the time of night and Johnny absolutely nofuckingwhere to be seen.

“Hey,” Taeil smiled at Donghyuck’s nonplussed face. “Welcome back.”

“Hi,” Donghyuck forced his vocal chords to work, jerkily pulling his luggage into the room after him even though all he could hear was screaming inside his head. “Sorry. Thought you were Johnny hyung.”

“He’s gone out for the night. Dinner with Jaehyun, I think.”

Wonderful! Donghyuck thought, a little hysterically. He didn’t think he would have absolutely zero time to prepare to put his new life into order, but apparently the universe had set him on a steep learning curve. At least Taeil was speaking normally to him again.

“Have you eaten?”

“Yeah, I ate on the plane,” Donghyuck looked up and flashed Taeil a quick smile. “Just really want to shower.”

“Go ahead, I’ll be here. I’ll help you unpack a bit if you open your luggage.”

The shrieking in Donghyuck’s head intensified, mixed with gushes of relief. This is fine! This is fine? Operation Ignore Everything That Happened And Act Normal is go. This is possibly very fine.

Donghyuck escaped to the bathroom, screaming only once into his fist with the shower on at full blast to muffle his voice before finishing up and haphazardly drying his hair. Taeil had seen him literally every which way at this point and there was entirely no reason to need to look good for him, not now. It completely didn’t matter if his hair dried into a bird’s nest, and part of Donghyuck wanted it to. Fuck it. Fuck everything. If Taeil wanted to act now like nothing happened then it just meant everything was going according to plan.

He was considerably calmer by the time he strolled back into his bedroom and closed the door behind him, a sort of nihilistic peace having taken over.

“What have you been up to, hyung?” Donghyuck asked cheerfully, hanging his towel up to dry before reaching for his skincare. He could see Taeil eyeing his hair sticking up in all directions and felt fiercely proud of it. See how unaffected I am by you, he thought. Witness me being totally unaffected.

“Thinking about you and what you asked me,” came the soft reply, and like the screech of a record scratch Donghyuck nearly rubbed moisturiser into his eye.

“I know you noticed I was being weird before you left,” Taeil implored, leaning forward in Donghyuck’s bed. “I’m sorry, it wasn’t your fault. I was just - just trying to work through what could happen. If I’d end up hurting you by accident. I’m sorry I couldn’t talk to you about it, Hyuck.”

Donghyuck pressed his lips together, trying to keep a blank face. “It’s alright, hyung. You don’t have to say yes. You’re clearly not okay with it.”

“That’s not what I- you don’t want to anymore?”

“What?” Donghyuck stalled, mind racing but not able to hold on to a single thought in his roaring brain.

“This is me saying yes. If you still want - what you told me. Yes.”

“Yes?” Donghyuck repeated weakly, all the strength in his body exiting in one fell swoop. They stared at each other speechlessly until Taeil swallowed and held out a hand to him, beckoning. Donghyuck’s legs moved stiltedly of their own accord, walking him to his bed where Taeil tugged him down by his wrist and shyly took the forgotten tub of moisturiser from him. Donghyuck was reeling. Four days of Taeil almost jumping out of his skin if Donghyuck so much as put a hand on his shoulder, three days of not a single text from him or anything while Donghyuck was overseas, and now -

“It scared me how much I couldn’t stop thinking about it,” Taeil confessed, cheeks pink as he kept his eyes on the moisturiser, scooping out a small amount. “And what you said about not being able to have a normal relationship like others your age. And,” his voice dropped even further. “How you said you wanted it to be me.”

Donghyuck couldn’t breathe as Taeil hesitantly raised his hand to Donghyuck’s face, gently smoothing the moisturiser into his skin with featherlight strokes but still unable to meet Donghyuck’s wide eyes fervently searching his own face.

“You’re totally in control, okay? We’ll do only what you want, stop any time you want. You call all the shots,” Taeil whispered, dropping his hand and busying himself with screwing the lid back onto the tub.

Donghyuck couldn’t breathe. There was no air in the room, and definitely not between the both of them, Taeil blushing hard as he still stared at Donghyuck’s damn moisturiser resting on the bed between his legs as if he was afraid to look up, like he needed permission.

“Hyung,” Donghyuck murmured. “You’re really okay with this? You want to?”

Taeil nodded, and Donghyuck reached out, tentatively tipping up Taeil’s chin so Taeil had to look at him.

“Last chance to back out,” Donghyuck whispered, and watched the bobbing of Taeil’s adam’s apple as he swallowed.

“Not going to,” Taeil answered, and the shiver that ran through Donghyuck must have shown on Donghyuck’s face because Taeil’s gaze dropped to Donghyuck’s mouth, and then up to his eyes once again.

“Take it as I don’t know anything, okay?” Donghyuck said softly, drunk on Taeil’s closeness and resisting the urge to lick his lips. “Like I’ve never even been kissed.”

Taeil exhaled, nodding. “Where?”

Donghyuck raised his eyebrows, taken aback. “On.. my.. mouth?”

“No!” Taeil shook his head, red-faced. “I mean, where will we - do it? Oh, my god.”

“Here. Johnny hyung’s cool with it, he’ll leave us alone,” Donghyuck grinned, somehow drawing power from the fact Taeil was so flustered about this. He felt life begin to come back into his limbs and his head clearing now it was starting to sink in just what was going to happen between them, and that Taeil was putting him in full control. The universe was apparently starting to learn: What Donghyuck wanted, Donghyuck got. Fuck yes!

Taeil nodded, laughing breathlessly, then tried to tame Donghyuck’s messy hair into some sort of order. “Did you lose your comb in Indonesia-”

“Can I kiss you?”

Taeil’s mouth snapped shut. “Now? Here? Already?”

“Just one kiss, hyung,” Donghyuck said, eyes not leaving Taeil’s lips as he inched forward, taking the tub of face cream between them and tossing it onto Johnny’s bed without looking. Taeil winced when it hit the floor instead.

“That’s expensive,” he croaked out, unconsciously leaning backwards the closer Donghyuck came.

“I’ll buy another one,” Donghyuck answered dismissively, putting a hand on Taeil’s bare thigh and feeling the muscle jump under his touch. “Tell me, hyung. What do I do with my hands?”

Taeil swallowed. “Are you saying you don’t know?”

“I told you I don’t know anything, hyung,” Donghyuck looked at him, face innocent. “Nobody’s ever touched me before. You’ll be the first.”

Taeil swore under his breath. “You can put your hands on my - hips. Or back. See what you feel like. What’s comfortable.”

“Here?” Donghyuck settled his hands on Taeil’s hips, feeling the warmth of Taeil’s skin seep through his clothes.

“Yeah,” Taeil nodded, cupping Donghyuck’s jaw and biting his lip at the pleased sound Donghyuck made at that.

“Where’s your other hand going to go, hyung?” Donghyuck whispered, only a breath away from Taeil’s mouth.

“Where do you want it?” Taeil asked, barely audible.

Donghyuck grinned. “You really want me to tell you?”

Taeil frowned at him, scandalised, and resolutely put his hand on Donghyuck’s waist. “What happened to playing the innocent virgin?”

“Much more fun to see you flustered,” Donghyuck smiled. “Now kiss me.”

Taeil looked up into Donghyuck’s eyes as if to check one last time if Donghyuck was sure, before taking a deep breath and pressing his mouth to Donghyuck’s, letting his eyes flutter closed. And Donghyuck, for all his bravado and teasing just moments before, felt his mind go white.

Taeil was kissing him. Taeil. Was kissing him.

Taeil’s lips were soft, though Donghyuck wished they were chapped like they usually were instead because it was just too much that on top of everything his lips felt perfect, too. He kissed Donghyuck so gently, pressing tiny kisses to the side of Donghyuck’s mouth and capturing Donghyuck’s bottom lip between his briefly before releasing it; angling his head differently before licking lightly against the seam of Donghyuck’s lips, making Donghyuck gasp into his mouth.

Taeil drew back, searching Donghyuck’s face. “Okay?”

Donghyuck surged back against him, only realising he’d balled Taeil’s shirt up in his fists when he went to spread his hands over Taeil’s back, pulling him closer. Taeil’s mouth opened under his this time, letting Donghyuck explore with his tongue and helping to guide him with the hand on Donghyuck’s jaw. Taeil tasted - he tasted sweet, probably like the coke he’d likely had after dinner, and the scent of his skin and his shampoo and Taeil’s breath in Donghyuck’s nose were fogging up Donghyuck’s head again. He was probably embarrassing himself terribly in front of Taeil but Donghyuck just never wanted to stop tasting him; he pressed even closer, feeling Taeil’s tongue push back and slide unhurriedly against his own and couldn’t even find it in himself to be shy at the desperate whimper he let out.

“Slow down, baby,” Taeil whispered against his lips, smiling, and Donghyuck nearly moaned out loud. Baby - it was something Johnny called him all the time, and all it felt like was literally that Johnny was calling him his baby brother; something cute, something fond. But the way Taeil said it -

Donghyuck’s breath lodged in his throat. Oh, fuck. Oh, no. Oh, god, if there was anything that could brand Donghyuck a complete virgin for all to see it was this - popping a boner from nothing more than kissing and being called ‘baby’. Donghyuck was mortified. Apart from their mouths and the polite hands on his jaw and waist Taeil was touching him nowhere else and yet Donghyuck was as hard as if they were rutting against each other naked in a filthy makeout session - and the incredible thought hit him that if he wanted, they could be rutting against each other naked in a filthy makeout session and then he really did moan out loud, kissing Taeil harder. Taeil nipped at his lips before licking into his mouth again, the hand at Donghyuck’s waist slowly beginning to massage in careful movements. Donghyuck’s hands had roamed all over Taeil’s back and hips by that point, one hand pushing into his hair, and he worried if he was going too far too fast, if Taeil didn’t want him to touch him that freely, despite the obvious implications of their agreement -

Taeil pulled away, leaning his forehead on Donghyuck’s. “What’s wrong?”

Donghyuck tried to get his breathing under control, praying Taeil didn’t look down into Donghyuck’s lap and see the obvious tenting in his shorts before he got the chance to calm down. He looked up into Taeil’s face, and realised with a shock that Taeil was panting slightly too, pink dusting over his cheeks.

“I’m terrible, aren’t I?” Donghyuck asked, still marvelling at the way Taeil seemed to be affected as well.

Taeil laughed low before pressing another kiss to Donghyuck’s mouth. “You’re fine. Not like I’m some kind of expert, anyway.”

“No, you’re so good,” Donghyuck breathed. “I don’t want to stop.”

Taeil made an amused face of disbelief at him. “We can’t do everything tonight, Hyuck.”

Donghyuck’s cock twitched in great interest at this as he fought back a gasp, his mind instantly flooded with images of everything that was the least helpful to him in this embarrassing boner situation. “Why not?”

Taeil laughed again, stroking Donghyuck’s cheek with his thumb, the sweetness of it threatening to give Donghyuck a heart boner as well. “I want to do things right with you.”


Donghyuck swallowed, trying to dial back how obvious the levels of grossly in-love-ness showing on his face must be. If anything, he got even harder - Donghyuck passionately cursed himself.

“We don’t have to rush,” Taeil was saying, but ‘patience’ was not in Donghyuck’s vocabulary and he moved in again, only stopping to murmur “Touch me more” before capturing Taeil’s mouth. Donghyuck did try to slow down this time, letting Taeil take the lead so that he could explore how it felt to have Taeil’s firm back and shoulders under his hands as well as Taeil’s mouth on his; and Taeil’s hands on his own body, slowly roaming like Donghyuck wanted them to. Taeil spread his hands wide and ran them down Donghyuck’s back, thumbing up the side of his neck until Donghyuck shivered at the feeling, dipping into the hollow of his spine and travelling light over his thighs before hugging his arms around Donghyuck’s body, pulling him down as Taeil leaned back -

Oh shit -

Donghyuck barely had time to brace himself before he was lying on top of Taeil, hard cock digging unmistakably into Taeil’s thigh. He squeezed his eyes shut before breaking the kiss in frozen humiliation, trying to move his hips away.

“Sorry,” he muttered, wondering if he should get back up off of Taeil. “Sorry, I-”

“What are you sorry about?” Taeil interrupted him, eyes dark. “There’s nothing wrong with getting off on kissing.”

Donghyuck made a sound of abject embarrassment, dropping his head onto Taeil’s shoulder. “We haven’t even done anything.”

“Kissing turns me on too,” Taeil said, voice low. “I really like it.”

“But you’re not the one with a raging hard-on.”

He felt Taeil’s amusement through his chest. “Not yet.”

Donghyuck groaned. “Stop being so nice to me.”

“Should I be mean to you, then, baby?”

Donghyuck’s cock twitched again, but this time it was right against Taeil’s thigh and there was no way Taeil could have missed it. Donghyuck just wanted to fall out the window and die.

“... Interesting.”


“Yes, baby?”

Donghyuck got off a grinning Taeil, face burning, and grabbed a pillow to put in his lap. “That’s enough of that, hyung. You may go back upstairs now.”

“Really? So soon? I don’t think Johnny’s going to be back for another hour at least.”

Donghyuck stared at Taeil, eyes tracing his lips blown red from kissing. From Donghyuck’s own mouth.

“Come back,” Taeil said softly, and Donghyuck didn’t need to be told twice.


When Johnny walked in later he found Donghyuck lying thoughtfully in bed, hands folded on top of his stomach and ankles crossed in serious contemplation of the ceiling.


“Hyung, pinch me.”


“Just do it. Pinch me- not so hard!” Donghyuck glared at Johnny accusingly, rubbing his arm as Johnny chuckled, moving away and shrugging off his jacket.

“You’ve been pinched. What was that about?”

“I wanted to check if I’d somehow dreamt up the past hour.”

Johnny laughed, grabbing a towel for his shower. “I take it it all went well?”

“What?” Donghyuck sat up, staring at Johnny. “Oh my god, did he plan this with you? You knew?”

Johnny hummed. “He made me promise not to come back before ten. Thought I’d give you guys an extra half-hour.”

Donghyuck narrowed his eyes. “Just how much have you two talked about this?”

“You mean the long conversation we had the night you left for the concert when he came to me worrying his ass off to ask me what he should do and I told him to just trust you and to go with his gut feeling?”

Donghyuck’s jaw dropped. Johnny smiled.

“And you didn’t think that maybe you should have messaged me to tell me? You let me stress out over this for three whole days?”

“He wanted to speak to you first,” Johnny shrugged. “Can I go shower now? Also, you’re welcome.”

Donghyuck opened and shut his mouth. Johnny raised a prompting eyebrow at him. “Come on. You can do it. ‘Thank you, Johnny hyung’. Now you try.”

Thank you, Johnny hyung. And also for every time in the future when we need the room and you’ll have to go find somewhere else to be.”

Johnny’s face changed so fast Donghyuck couldn’t help bursting out in laughter. “Did you not see that coming?”

“Fuck,” Johnny swore with feeling. “All I’m trying to do is be a good friend and this is what I get?”

“Go hang out with Yuta hyung upstairs when Taeil hyung’s down here with me,” Donghyuck shrugged. “Just not all the time, or he’s going to get suspicious. Rotate yourself among the members. Spread the Johnny love.”

Johnny looked murderous for a second, and then exhaled deeply, letting his shoulders drop. “Okay. Fine. This isn’t forever, anyway.”

He missed the look that passed over Donghyuck’s face as he left to wash up, the quick reality check that left Donghyuck feeling sober after the fairytale high of the last hour or so. He lay back down in his bed, letting himself absorb it.

Johnny’s hyung’s right. This wasn’t going to last forever, so while he could Donghyuck was going to enjoy himself without letting his feelings get in the way. Everything was already beyond his wildest dreams - getting to kiss and touch Taeil tonight, and the unbelievable promise of more in the future. He hardly dared think about it as if the opportunity would vanish if he let himself dwell on it too much.

Taeil. Taeil kissing him slow and deep, Donghyuck carefully mimicking the movements of Taeil’s tongue and lips until he had Taeil making low sounds of pleasure in his throat at how quickly Donghyuck was learning from him; not minding when Donghyuck got too eager and put too much teeth or tongue into the kiss. Taeil pressing quick, light kisses to his mouth like little sips of a cup that had Donghyuck chasing Taeil’s mouth until Taeil rolled Donghyuck underneath him and gave Donghyuck what he wanted; harder, wet kisses as Donghyuck’s hands slipped under Taeil’s shirt and imagined feeling that silky smooth skin all over. Taeil letting Donghyuck grind a little against him to get some relief for the hot curling in his stomach, almost painfully-hard cock trapped between their bodies until Taeil broke away, both of them panting into the space between them.

“Let’s slow down,” he breathed, and Donghyuck tightened his arms around Taeil, knowing he wasn’t imagining Taeil beginning to get hard too and not about to let him go just when things were developing that way.

“I should go back,” Taeil continued. “Johnny will never forgive us if he walks in on this.”

Donghyuck whined, trying to keep Taeil in place as Taeil pushed off his body, half-laughing as he extricated himself from Donghyuck’s octopus limbs. “Come on, baby. We’ll continue next time.”

Next time. Donghyuck couldn’t help the huge silly grin that leapt to his face at the knowledge that there would be a next time, that they would maybe go further - he fanned his suddenly-burning face, cock that had relaxed once Taeil had left starting to chub up again. He dragged the pillow from earlier onto his hips so that Johnny wouldn’t have to see him like this when he came back from the bathroom, but he had been worked up for over an hour and the weight of the pillow and friction against his cock through his shorts felt so good that when Johnny did come back he unfortunately caught Donghyuck mid-rut.

Johnny’s wet towel landed on his face. “Nasty ass child! I don’t care if Taeil hyung left you hanging or what but I will not tolerate you trying to fuck a pillow right in front of me.”

Donghyuck pouted, trying to channel the gross feeling of the cold wet towel into his dick so his erection would subside. “I can’t help it! Tell me something unsexy. Help me out.”

“Doyoung yelling at you for not separating the laundry while wearing a mankini.”

Donghyuck screamed, digging the palms of his hands into his closed eyes to erase the image from his brain as Johnny sniggered in victory.

“I know some people might be into that, but…”

“Shut up, hyung. Doyoung hyung is like my dad.”

“You’re welcome, again. If you pop another boner later go to the bathroom and take care of it. I will throw you out if you wake me up because you’re jerking off in bed.”

“You’re so mean to me.”

“Say that again?”

“Nothing, hyung. Love you, goodnight.”


If Donghyuck wanted Taeil before they made out then Donghyuck’s desire for Taeil after had basically skyrocketed. Now that he knew what kissing him felt like and how his body fit into Donghyuck’s as his weight pressed Donghyuck into the mattress it was all Donghyuck could think about. Dance practice (Taeil’s legs. Taeil’s hips. Taeil’s cock.)? Fucked. Vocal practice (Vocal chords. Lips. Tongue. Kissing Taeil.)? Fucked.

He’d taken to drinking ice cold water even though it was barely spring yet. He wished he could pour ice down his underwear too sometimes once his overactive imagination got going at the most inappropriate times but such things were not acceptable in public. He’d started having to think about Doyoung in a mankini way more than he ever thought he ever would have to, which was zero.

“Just ask him to come over!” Johnny had told him exasperatedly after Donghyuck had complained to him that he was having to jerk off in the shower at least once a day now in an attempt to calm himself down, but Donghyuck had balked.

“It’s been barely three days. I don’t want him to think I’m that desperate.”

“You think he hasn’t noticed you staring at him like you’re starving and he’s a prime steak?”

“That’s how I always look at him.”

“True,” Johnny conceded. “Seriously, what are you so afraid of?”

Donghyuck had protested that he wasn’t afraid, and he wasn’t - only, he also was, which gave a rather good general indication of his mental state at the moment. The thought that they would have sex at some point in the future was completely terrifying and incredible while also being all Donghyuck had ever wanted apart from lifetime VIP discounts at his favourite barbecue restaurant.

He was an absolute mess, and he knew that he couldn’t just wait for Taeil to make the next move instead because Taeil had made it abundantly clear that Donghyuck was in charge of everything that they were doing together. He’d been totally normal around Donghyuck to the point Donghyuck had again started to wonder if he’d hallucinated the entire thing that night, because Donghyuck felt like he was close to drooling at the mere sight of Taeil while Taeil was acting totally unbothered by the fact he’d had his tongue down Donghyuck’s throat just a few days ago.

Donghyuck stared at the phone in his hands, knowing Taeil was in the recording studio and may not reply for some time. All he had to do was send the message he’d already typed out and hopefully not go crazy while he waited for the reply.

3.17pm - hyung, can you come over tomorrow? i’ll be free from 2pm. i’ll get johnny hyung to give us a few hours.

Was that too cringey? Did it sound too desperate? Or was it too vague? Was Taeil busy? What if he just had better things to do than to do this with an overeager and awkward Donghyuck?

Donghyuck squeezed his eyes shut and pressed ‘send’ before he totally psyched himself out. He sat down at the kitchen table with the full intention of eating his entire lunch with a just-woken up Taeyong before checking his phone again, but the moment his phone buzzed with an incoming message about five minutes in Donghyuck grabbed it, knocking over his glass of water and earning him an earful from the dorm auntie.

Taeyong blearily helped him mop up the puddle as Donghyuck hastily opened the message from Taeil, not sure why he was so ridiculously nervous.

3.21pm - sure. might be slightly late, but will be there before 2.30 tops.

Donghyuck didn’t know what his feelings were doing. On the one hand, Taeil had said yes. On the other hand, he sounded completely flat and businesslike, and Donghyuck didn’t know how to react to that. On a third borrowed hand (Taeyong’s) now he was even more nervous because of what was going to happen tomorrow. Whatever that was.

The dorm auntie gave him a new glass of water along with an extra helping of stew, unable to stay annoyed at him for long, and Donghyuck proceeded to bury his woes in food.


“Hey,” Taeil poked his head into Donghyuck’s room, and Donghyuck was super proud of how nonchalantly he returned Taeil’s greeting as if he hadn’t been compulsively checking his phone’s clock and freaking out more and more with every passing minute. Taeil let himself in and closed the door, making sure to lock it, and the click of the lock nearly made Donghyuck pee himself.

“Sorry I’m so late, I had to wrap up recording,” Taeil explained, coming to sit next to Donghyuck on the bed and Donghyuck wondered if Taeil could hear the slamming of his heart from where he was.

“It’s fine,” Donghyuck said, and when it came out a little too loud Donghyuck tried to clear his throat unsuccessfully. Taeil just watched him, amused.

“You showered?” Donghyuck squeaked, taking in Taeil’s damp hair as Taeil nodded. “For me?”

The tips of Taeil’s ears went rosy as he nodded again. “Just thought it was the polite thing to do.”

“Should I have showered?” Donghyuck asked, alarmed, but Taeil only laughed.

“No, I like how you smell when you’ve been lazing in bed all day.”

Donghyuck went completely red. There was just no way he knew how to respond to this.

“I haven’t been in bed all day, though,” he muttered inconsequently, voice small, and Taeil just laughed at him again.

“What do you want to do?”

Donghyuck swallowed, feeling like his entire skin was on fire. He didn’t know exactly what he wanted, just that he wanted more; he wanted everything that Taeil could give him but he didn’t even know what everything meant.

Taeil seemed to sense his indecision. “Shall we just do what we did last time and see where it goes?”

Donghyuck nodded gratefully, and Taeil smiled and moved forward to hold him, capturing his mouth sweetly. Donghyuck sighed against his lips, already impatient, so he tugged Taeil down on top of him, wanting to feel again Taeil’s whole body on his like a drug he’d fast gotten hooked on. They were both wearing simple shirts and shorts, casual things they usually wore at home, and though the fabric was thin they might as well have been wearing multiple layers of denim as far as Donghyuck was concerned.

“Can we-” Donghyuck gasped, after a particularly toe-curlingly good kiss, his hands in Taeil’s hair and Taeil’s own fingers flirting with the hem of his shirt. “Clothes-”

Taeil sat up, thighs automatically spreading to straddle Donghyuck’s hips, and Donghyuck’s brain short-circuited seeing him this way. Donghyuck didn’t dare to hope for a repeat of this position and all it implied in future, but in a moment he forgot what he was thinking about as Taeil pulled his shirt up and off and moved to help Donghyuck with his own.

Donghyuck had seen Jeno topless. And Jaemin, and Johnny. And Jaehyun (what was it with their members whose names started with J, anyway?). Neither he nor Taeil were ripped like them, and Donghyuck loved that. He loved Taeil’s self-assurance and he loved the confidence that Taeil had given him in his own body and looks - he knew he was hot as hell, and Taeil’s chest and stomach with their creamy-smooth expanse of perfect skin and dark nipples was making Donghyuck’s mouth water.

Taeil wasted no time in getting back to kissing him, Donghyuck moaning at the sensation of being skin-to-skin for the first time. He ran his hands in awe over Taeil’s body, stopping just short of Taeil’s waistband before Taeil broke away and murmured “Go ahead” hot in Donghyuck’s ear as he continued to kiss his way down Donghyuck’s jaw to his neck. Donghyuck shuddered at the feeling of Taeil’s lips on his skin as he tentatively reached lower to cup Taeil’s ass. He’d done this before, of course - but always in jest, never lingering too long, and now that he had permission to truly feel Taeil up he went to town until Taeil couldn’t help but laugh into his shoulder.

“I love your ass so much,” Donghyuck moaned, squeezing with both hands full of gorgeous, perky Taeil butt.

Taeil snorted, continuing to lick and suck at the sensitive skin of Donghyuck’s neck until Donghyuck was squirming underneath Taeil, using the hands on Taeil’s butt to pull Taeil’s hips down against his own to urge along the heat pooling in his gut.

“Hyung,” Donghyuck gasped out. “Hyung. Are you giving me a hickey?”

“No?” Taeil said, pushing himself up onto his forearms. “On your neck? For everyone to see? Of course not.”

“Oh,” Donghyuck said, disappointed. “What about somewhere else?”

Taeil held his gaze. “Where?”

Donghyuck began to say ‘on the inside of my thighs’ because he’d seen it in a porno once but the thought of seeing Taeil between his legs without having some time to mentally prepare for that image first was too much for Donghyuck’s frail constitution. “My chest?”

“Okay.” Taeil dipped his head and pressed one last kiss to Donghyuck’s neck, then shifted lower as he resumed kissing down Donghyuck’s body across his collarbones and chest until he reached a nipple, where he paused. Donghyuck abruptly forgot how to breathe.

“But first,” Taeil murmured, and flicked it with his tongue before he began to suck at it in earnest, tongue swirling around the hard nub and oh, apparently Donghyuck really liked having his nipples played with. He almost bucked off the mattress when Taeil bit lightly down, hand coming up to tease the other nipple, and Taeil had to raise his head to shush him.

“Hyuck, the walls aren’t as thick as you think. Doyoung’s home.”

At this point Donghyuck didn’t know or care what a Doyoung was and he made a disgruntled sound to that effect. “How am I supposed to keep quiet?” Donghyuck protested, breathing hard. “It feels so good.”

“Does it?” Taeil said, and Donghyuck had to bite back another moan at the silky change in his voice as Taeil lowered his mouth to the other nipple this time, the sounds of sucking and lapping almost making Donghyuck tremble from how turned on he was. He knew Taeil could feel it, and the knowledge of his cock bulging obviously in his shorts as Taeil’s tongue toyed with his nipples was too much.

“Hyung, please,” Donghyuck whimpered, trying hard to keep his hips firmly on the bed and not grind mindlessly up against Taeil. Taeil stopped, not wanting to overwhelm him, and moved upwards briefly to give him a soothingly chaste kiss before lowering himself again to choose a spot on Donghyuck’s chest for the requested hickey.

“How about here?” Taeil pointed, just next to his left nipple.

“Will it hurt?” Donghyuck asked hesitantly. Hickeys looked like bruises, after all.

“No, baby,” Taeil smiled, and there it was again, the flash of lightning running through Donghyuck at the pet name. “I won’t make it too dark, okay? It’ll fade away quickly then.”

“I don’t mind it staying,” Donghyuck said, unable to read the look Taeil sent him but forging ahead anyway. “Maybe I want it there.”

Taeil blinked, and then got to work. It didn’t feel anything like Donghyuck had expected, because Taeil was just sucking hard on his skin, sometimes drawing it slightly between his tongue and his palate which to be honest was slightly uncomfortable.

“There,” he said when he was done, and Donghyuck craned his neck forward to look at it - Taeil had left a round red mark, right over his heart. Oof, Donghyuck thought. Too real.

“That’s a hickey, huh,” Donghyuck mused. “Can I give you one?”

Taeil’s eyes widened. “Uh-”

“I’ll do it in the same spot, so no one will see and we can match,” Donghyuck wheedled.

Taeil licked his lips after a beat and nodded, gesturing for Donghyuck to get up so they could switch positions. He spread his legs so Donghyuck could settle comfortably between them, the outline of his cock inside his own shorts distracting Donghyuck. The thought that Taeil was getting off on this too was heady, and Donghyuck wondered what Taeil would do if Donghyuck put a hand on him right there and then, stroking him as Donghyuck stroked his own cock.

Donghyuck lifted himself above Taeil’s chest, bracing himself on his elbows as he put his mouth to Taeil’s skin and felt Taeil breathe even and deep under him. He inhaled the scent of Taeil’s skin and body wash, a smell he knew even in his sleep, and resisted the urge to just press his cheek over Taeil’s heart and refuse to move forever more.

Taeil kept himself still and quiet as Donghyuck sucked the hickey as best he could into his skin, and when Donghyuck raised his head a little to look at it he found it was more uneven and lighter than the one Taeil had given him. The hickey Taeil had given him, Donghyuck thought, and felt giddy for a moment. He now had a mark on his body as proof he wasn’t elaborately imagining this entire thing, and oh - that’s why people liked them, because every time now he looked at the red mark on his chest he’s going to be reminded of just how it got there and the man who had given it to him.

“Hmm,” Donghyuck made a face. “Not as good as yours.”

“It’s not a competition,” Taeil smiled at him. “Never saw what the big deal about lovebites was, anyway.”

“Evidence someone loves you enough to bite you?”

“What nonsense is that-” Taeil began, laughing, but cut himself off with a sharp inhale as Donghyuck sealed his mouth over a nipple and began to suck. Donghyuck tried different things with his tongue, experimenting to see what got the most reaction out of Taeil: firm licks with the flat of his tongue or quick flicks with the tip; holding the tight bud lightly between his teeth as he massaged it with his tongue, or harder sucks; and with every quiet whimper and moan and gasp falling from Taeil’s lips Donghyuck felt himself grow impossibly harder. He wanted to hear more; he wanted to drive Taeil crazy until he was moaning loud and desperate for Donghyuck so everyone would know who was making Taeil feel that good.

Lost in his thoughts Donghyuck accidentally bit harder than he intended and the helpless, wrecked sound Taeil let out ripped right through Donghyuck to his groin, making him have to push his hips into the mattress for a second until he could breathe again. Donghyuck raised his eyes to Taeil’s face, surprised, and the sight of Taeil panting slightly as he stared at Donghyuck’s mouth on him led Donghyuck to bite down again tentatively. Taeil pressed his head back into the pillow, squeezing his eyes shut.

Donghyuck took a deep breath, and reached between Taeil’s legs just as he switched over to the other nipple, giving it a firm lick and bite as his hand closed over Taeil’s clothed cock.

Taeil’s eyes flew open, one hand moving to grab Donghyuck’s wrist as if he didn’t know whether to stop Donghyuck or urge him on.

“I want to make you come,” Donghyuck whispered. “Please.”

Taeil stared at him, breathing quick through parted lips, and Donghyuck knew he wanted it.

“Are you sure?”

Donghyuck nodded, stroking Taeil slightly with his thumb and watching Taeil’s expression flicker. At the very least, Donghyuck knew how to give a handjob, because it was more or less just jerking off but like in mirror image, right? He should be able to do this.

“What about you?” Taeil asked, breathy, eyes darting down to Donghyuck’s crotch where - oh, okay, his cock had leaked enough precome to leave a dark stain on the tented front of his grey shorts, cool, cool, cool - and Donghyuck started to shake his head. He’d take care of himself later once Taeil was gone and couldn’t see him come in three seconds flat.

“Listen,” Taeil sat up, gently guiding Donghyuck back onto his butt. “Let’s try this. Do you have lotion, or something?”

“Uh, yeah,” Donghyuck stretched over to his bedside drawer and came back with a bottle, which he then frowned at. “Oh, I forgot this is almost empty. Nevermind, we’ll use Johnny hyung’s.”

“Won’t he be mad?” Taeil asked, tickled, as Donghyuck got up to rummage around in Johnny’s drawers for his wank resources instead.

“Not if you don’t tell him,” Donghyuck raised a cheeky eyebrow at Taeil, coming back with a much larger bottle of body lotion. Taeil took it from him and left it on the bed as he stood up to face Donghyuck, who had forgotten temporarily about their height difference because they’d been kissing in bed and Taeil having to tip his mouth up for a kiss was all kinds of delightful. He folded Taeil up in his arms, lifting him off his feet a tiny bit before Taeil bit Donghyuck’s lower lip in warning to put him down.

“We’ll do this together, okay?” Taeil murmured against his lips. “I’ll show you. Can you take your shorts off for me?”

Oh, boy. Oh, god. Not only was Taeil going to see Donghyuck’s dick and hopefully also touch Donghyuck’s dick, Donghyuck was about to come face to face (face to.. head?) with Taeil’s cock, the subject of many a thirsty fantasy especially on days Taeil had uncharacteristically worn loose sweatpants to choreography practice. Loose sweatpants hid nothing.

What had Donghyuck been thinking about? Right.

Donghyuck reddened as he slid his thumbs under the waistband of his shorts and pushed downwards over his hips, his erection catching in the process and slapping back against his stomach when it sprang free. Taeil moved to pull his own shorts down and off, and Donghyuck knew he was staring helplessly as Taeil sat back down on the bed, pulling Donghyuck by the hand to follow.

“Face me. Put your legs over my thighs, here,” Taeil moved Donghyuck’s legs for him, helping him spread his knees and bracket Taeil’s hips, and Donghyuck felt his face burning at how exposed he was like this and how Taeil’s cock was right there. It was veiny and on the thick side rather than long, curving nicely towards his stomach. He only had a dusting of hair at the base of his cock, balls tight and dark, and Donghyuck nearly whimpered aloud at the thought of those balls slapping against his ass as Taeil’s thick cock thrust in and out of his body in ways he could only imagine at this point. He’d never even tried to finger himself before -


Donghyuck looked up, knowing his face was fully flushed red.

“Is this okay?”

“Yeah,” Donghyuck breathed. “You want to - both? At the same time?”

“Not fair if only I get off,” Taeil smiled, reaching for the lotion. “Come closer.”

Donghyuck scooted his hips closer until their cocks were nestled against each other, the sight of his own longer, slimmer cock next to Taeil’s making Donghyuck’s blood hectic in his veins. Taeil took Donghyuck’s right hand and squeezed out a healthy amount of lotion onto it, more than what Donghyuck would have thought they needed, before curling Donghyuck’s hand around their cocks, Taeil guiding him through the first few slow strokes to spread the lotion out evenly.

“Good?” Taeil asked, his own voice strained to match how dry Donghyuck’s throat had become. Donghyuck couldn’t look away from their hands between them, slowly pumping their cocks together through the almost obscenely-wet slide of the lotion. Would this be what it felt like when Taeil was inside him? The slick, heady slide of Taeil’s cock between his legs?

“Kiss me,” Taeil told him, and Donghyuck went willingly. This kiss was different from all the ones before: wet and hot and much more tongue, getting more and more sloppy the faster their joined hands pumped. Donghyuck let Taeil take his mouth, drinking in Taeil’s moans of appreciation at the way their tongues and cocks slid together, slick and dirty.

Donghyuck panted, bracing one hand behind him to cant his hips up in little thrusts into their hands for extra friction, Taeil’s thumb swiping over both heads making Donghyuck’s thighs tremble. He wasn’t going to last for much longer, not like this with Taeil’s tongue in his mouth and veiny cock hot in his hand.

Without warning, Taeil brought his free hand up to tug at Donghyuck’s nipple, and Donghyuck fucking saw stars. He had no head space left to regret his loud moan, not when Taeil was moaning back and his hand was urging Donghyuck’s to go faster.

“Come for me, baby,” Taeil whispered. “My beautiful baby, come on, almost there-”

Taeil kept Donghyuck in the kiss as he came to muffle his moans, working him through his orgasm as Donghyuck went mindless at the first wave of pleasure, painting his stomach and chest and Taeil’s hand with his come. Taeil followed soon after a few more deep pumps of his own hand, vigorously twisting his fist around the head of his cock until the muscles of his stomach tightened hard and his cock emptied itself onto his stomach, head thrown back slightly as he panted for breath. At the back of Donghyuck’s hazy mind he thought, I should remember how he likes it, the image of Taeil jacking his own cock to completion seared into Donghyuck’s brain.

Donghyuck let himself fall back onto the mattress, feeling Taeil run his clean hand down both of his quivering thighs spread on either side of Taeil’s hips to calm Donghyuck down.

My beautiful baby, Donghyuck thought, warmth spreading down to the tips of his toes that had nothing to do with the intense orgasm he’d just had. He thinks I’m beautiful.

Donghyuck heard the sound of Taeil plucking out tissues from the box next to Donghyuck’s bed to clean himself off, and so didn’t bother opening his eyes when he felt careful hands try to mop up the come and lotion on his own body a minute or two later. He’d just had the best nut of his life and the fireworks in his skin hadn’t yet died down, so he let himself enjoy Taeil taking care of him.

“You’ll have to wash the rest off,” Taeil told him, making himself comfortable beside Donghyuck once he’d done the best he could with just tissues. “Time for that shower.”

“Come with me,” Donghyuck said, stretching his arms above his head and feeling so contented and satisfied he could purr. “Let’s go for round two.”

“Round two?” Taeil let out a surprised laugh. “You’ll have to give me more time. I’m not eighteen anymore.”

“Old man,” Donghyuck grinning, turning to face him and meeting Taeil in a slow, languid kiss, making out fully naked together for the first time. Now that the urgency in his blood had simmered down he let himself savour the feeling of skin on skin, admiring just how nice it was to touch Taeil.

“Thank you, hyung,” Donghyuck murmured after a while, stealing small, sweet kisses as Taeil played with his hair.

“You don’t have to thank me,” Taeil replied, embarrassed. “As long as it was good for you.”

“It was,” Donghyuck nodded. “Really good.”

“I hope Doyoung didn’t hear anything,” Taeil furrowed his brows, suddenly worried. “At the end we were kinda loud.”

“Yeah, you were,” Donghyuck grinned, watching Taeil get shy. “I like that, hyung. I like that you aren’t quiet.”

“Because you certainly aren’t,” Taeil snorted, and Donghyuck let his eyes roam Taeil’s face contentedly, dropping to the hickey on his chest that had its twin on Donghyuck’s body.

“You don’t like it?” Donghyuck challenged.

“I like it, you brat.”

“I prefer it when you call me baby,” Donghyuck shot back, seeing his opportunity, and moved closer. “I really like it, hyung,” he dropped his voice. “Really, really like it.” Donghyuck held Taeil’s gaze, one hand resting warm on Taeil’s hip. “Tell me I’m your baby.”

Taeil searched Donghyuck’s face, flicking between Donghyuck’s heart-shaped mouth and his eyes, the air between them suddenly sultry. Donghyuck waited, inexplicably wanting nothing more once again to take Taeil’s mouth and feel Taeil’s naked body on his even though he’d just come his brains out barely ten minutes ago.

“You’re my baby, Hyuck,” Taeil whispered, tongue darting out to wet his lips before Donghyuck kissed him.

“Do you love me?” Donghyuck asked, heartrate picking up once more at the thought of tasting Taeil, of getting to hear Taeil moaning for him again.


“Do you love me?” Donghyuck insisted, kissing Taeil hard and feeling the soundless whimper Taeil let out into his mouth.

“I love you,” Taeil gasped as Donghyuck licked a hot stripe up Taeil’s neck. “I love you.”