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“Mammon, you idiot, everything in here is old and crusty. I can even feel the dust settling in my hair,” Asmodeus grumbles quietly in the dark. “I’m beginning to think spying on them from a storage closet was a bad idea.”
Somewhere also in the dark, Mammon shushes him. “Stop complainin’. I didn’t ask you to come along for the ride but you insisted on seein’ some action.”
“I meant seeing Lucifer getting some action, but I didn’t expect your pea-brain to make it that far.”
It’s actually a storage closet in the corner of Diavolo’s office, but Mammon brushes that aside. The important thing is that this Great Romantic Plan has to work out, so that Lucifer gets distracted and Mammon can finally sneak out at night without being caught
The only problem is that Lord Diavolo’s romance game is non-existent and Lucifer has the emotional capacity of a potato.
There is a knock on the office door. “It’s me,” comes Lucifer’s voice as he lets himself in.
Diavolo looks up from his work and beams in excitement. “Lucifer! Good to see you. You look exceptionally beautiful this afternoon,” he says. His gold eyes sparkle. “Did you do something different today?”
Lucifer’s cheeks turn pink. Other than washing his hair? “You said that yesterday. I haven’t done anything out of the ordinary.” Not he’s that’s going to admit it, but he did spend a few extra minutes brushing his hair until he was brimming with pride at how good it looked.
Face still pink, he deposits a small box on the desk. “These are the votes collected from the student body regarding the theme of this year’s ball. I’m afraid I still have two more ballot boxes to collect. Please excuse me,” he says all in one breath.
Diavolo raises a hand to stop him but he’s already gone, door closing behind him with a click.
The demon prince swivels around on his leather armchair. “Oh dear. How did I do?” he asks the closet.
“Bad,” Mammon’s muffled voice replies.
“You can’t recycle yesterday’s comments,” Asmodeus points out matter-of-factly, and everyone can hear him trying to suppress his dusty sneezes. “You are definitely in need of some new tactics from me.”
Diavolo blinks in surprise. He didn’t think he was that terrible, but he must be if Lucifer keeps deflecting every single one of his efforts. “Alright,” he says grudgingly, spinning back around in his chair. “Tell me how, then, to profess my love for Lucifer in a way that he’ll let me be his Valentine’s Day date this year.”
“If you give me three thousand Grimm, I’ll-”
“Shut up, Mammon. Lord Diavolo sir, you just need to be a tad more dramatic and he will notice. Do I remember hearing you say earlier that you are addressing the school assembly tomorrow?”

Lucifer has no idea if he just heard correctly but based on the wide-eyed looks from the sea of students in front of him, he thinks his ears haven’t betrayed him after all.
“And now I present to you: the pride of the Devildom! The most radiant, the most majestic, the most magnificent of demons to have ever graced our presence – the morning star himself, Lucifer!”
He resists the raging urge to facepalm.
Pride in his status he has plenty of, just not when Diavolo’s pouring praise on him by the bucketful, and in front of the entire RAD to boot.
“Oh no,” Asmo gasps, burying his face into Satan’s uniform next to him. “Satan, I can’t. My ears can’t deal with this.”
Satan on the other hand, looks like he’s thoroughly enjoying the misery.
“Lucifer?” Diavolo’s expression is hopeful to the point where he could pass for the Avatar of Hope if there ever was one. He clasps his hands together, waiting for Lucifer to approach the podium.
“I am here,” Lucifer rasps out, hurriedly rising to his feet. He’s going to play it cool. Nobody needs to know how fast his heart is beating.

“Shit, be quiet. He’s coming!” Mammon hisses in the dark.
Once again, also in the dark, Asmodeus elbows his older brother in the ribs. He knows he’s found his mark when he hears a pained yelp. “You’re the loud one. Don’t you dare tell me to be quiet,” he hisses back.
At least the storage closet in Lucifer’s office isn’t as dusty as Diavolo’s.
It’s full of books and some old paraphernalia that probably hasn’t seen daylight in years. Asmo perches precariously on a stack of tomes. Mammon’s sandwiched between two spare sets of uniforms hanging on opposite sides of the wall.
“Here we go,” Mammon says into what he thinks is a pair of pants. “Lord Diavolo’s gonna score today for sure.”
The first thing Lucifer does when he comes in is lock himself in his office. He’s dead aware that today is the fourteenth of February – he’s been aware for days, if Diavolo’s behavior has been anything to go by. The demon prince goes into a strange mode at this time of the year, and has been doing so every year, ever since he overheard about this Valentine’s Day tradition from Solomon.
Lucifer pinches the bridge of his nose as he slumps into his chair. He toys with the idea of staying holed up in his office for the entire day, especially if it means he doesn’t have to deal with any more embarrassing advances.
He just doesn’t believe Diavolo would ever like him that way. It’s just an obsession.
Him, an ex-celestial; disgraced and banished from heaven. There’s undoubtedly not a single demon in the Devildom who doesn’t think their overly handsome prince is charming to a fault, but surely there must be better options than him. He just can’t, and It stings his pride so horribly.
He’s so deep in his angst that he doesn’t even register that someone’s been banging on his office door for the last thirty seconds.
“You can come in,” he calls, and regrets his mistake as soon as he hears the cheerful tone answer back.
“Lucifer, I can’t open the door,” Diavolo says plainly. Lucifer sighs, gets up and opens it for him.
He’s greeted by a bouquet of roses, festooned with red and black ribbons, and a basket of chocolates so big he can only just see Diavolo’s red hair over it. “I – Lord Diavolo, what is this?”
“Happy Valentine’s Day,” Diavolo grins, eyes shining like the Celestial realm’s very own sun. “For you, of course, as my favourite person.”
Lucifer really wishes his face would stop blushing by itself during situations like this. “I… I do not think this is necessary,” he stammers. “Really. At all.”
“Of course it is!” Diavolo waves the gigantic bouquet at him. “Lucifer, will you be my valentine?” He tries to set the basket of chocolates down on the desk but there’s too much paperwork on it, and Lucifer has to step in before the whole thing ends up on the floor.
“Um,” he says, completely tongue-tied as his mind scrambles to put a passable excuse together. He grabs the pile of textbooks that take up the most space on the desk, and races over to the big storage closet. “Here, let me put these away… um, these should be able to fit in here…”
“Ah, fuck it,” Diavolo sighs.
“I – what did you say?” Books still in his arms, Lucifer turns around in shock at hearing such words from one of the Devildom’s highest-ranking demons, and suddenly finds his back pressed up against the closet door. Two arms clad in red RAD uniform, one to each side of his head, bar him from escape. The demon prince’s body is much, much bigger up close.
Lucifer opens his mouth to protest and Diavolo silences him with a kiss.
The Avatar of Pride is soft and warm, and tastes as if he were water on the tongue of a parched man.
“Fuck it,” Diavolo says again when he finally releases Lucifer, a content smile stretching from cheek to cheek. Lucifer’s flustered face is just too adorable. “That’s what humans say, right? When they give up trying, and just go ahead and do it?”


Extra bonus material, from the closet:
- Asmo pressing his ear against the door so he can hear more :-)))
- Mammon screaming silently into the void l m a o o o o