Work Header

Space Space Heater

Work Text:

The kid was back in his house again, of course she was- the constant home invasions had almost become routine to them at this point. Snatcher put on his best hateful snarl and glared at the little hatted intruder.

“What do you want, kid? Look, I don’t have any more death wishes prepared yet, but I’m sure if you’re that eager to die some more we could work something ou-”

He was interrupted when she rammed a large plastic-made-to-look-like-metal covered cylinder in their face and pointed to a note taped to the front. He peeled off the note, which read “to my bestest best friend forever- a space space heater. You know, for that cold, dead heart you keep talking about. Signed, you’re best bestie for forever and ever, Hat Kid”, punctuated by a small doodle of him with a blue cracked heart, it’s coldness and deadness confirmed by a small note saying “cold, dead” and an arrow pointing to it.

“So, it’s a space heater from space? Hmm, I’m not sure if I’ll be able to keep this- gotta make some space for it first.”

She snickered and asked him to at least try it- maybe the spirit would warm up to it eventually.

“That was awful and you know it.”

She grinned. Even if he would never admit it, It was nice to have another pun lover around. His minions tended to rely too heavily on doll and death puns and after hundreds of years their jokes had long since expired (including the ones about how dead the jokes were).

“That said your grammar is just awful. It’s you-r, not you-apostrophe-r-e, and did you seriously stick another -est onto best and try to pass it off as a word?”

She stuck out her tongue and started to get out some crayons and some paper. He pointed the space heater towards his chair. They then made a big show of finding an electrical socket before snapping his fingers and making it magically work without it. She knew he could do this and had anticipated it, and she knew he knew that her hat was also magic so she wouldn’t be surprised. Then again, they both knew how much he liked showing off, so she pretended to be a little surprised. Honestly, the person they should really be showing off to was Bow- she wouldn’t be surprised either, but she’d also always been fascinated with magic and would want to know the specifics of how this setup worked and stuff. But Bow was off spending time with the directors today, and wasn’t here to ask the questions that Snatcher wanted them to ask so he could smugly say “none of your business, kid” and further inflate his already too-big ego. Hat meanwhile just rolled her eyes and went back to drawing- oh, you know what she could draw first, Bow and the directors!


A couple of hours had passed since then, and Hat was starting to run low on ideas. She surveyed her completed drawings. There was a drawing of Bow and Grooves, a drawing of a laser space dinosaur that had started as a picture of Conductor, a bushcat, a roach, a draft for an improved security system for the ship, a drawing of Snatcher sleeping like a big kitty (They’d probably insist they were coiled up like a giant serpent or something, but really he was a big noodly kitty), and a crab. She looked up at Snatcher, who was buried in a heavy looking book and was about to go and ask what he was reading about when she heard a noise. At first she thought the ship was backfiring until she remembered she wasn’t on the ship. It was coming from around Snatcher’s general direction, that’s for sure. It was strangely echoey, and it sounded almost like a growl or maybe a really rusty chainsaw- OMYGOSH IS HE PURRING? HE IS!

Snatcher looked up to see her staring wide-eyed at him.

“What’s with the loo... uh oh. Kid I don’t know what you think you heard, but-“


“I- FINE! Yes, big scary Snatcher can purr, big deal. It doesn’t change what I’m going to do to you if this leaves this room, got it?”

She didn’t respond. Instead, she gestured towards the spot on her face that matched the spot where a bit of drool had built up on his.

“That’s it, playtime’s over! OUT!”

He watched her scoop up her crayons and hop out of the tree, giggling and skipping all the way. How could they have let their guard down like that, and in front of the kid of all people? Ugh. Stupid emotions. He cranked up the dial on the heater and curled up to do some quiet stewing in rage and bitterness- at least until he caught sight of the loose scrap of paper on the floor. It was a drawing of him curled up in his chair like a giant serpent with a note saying “big kitty!” and an arrow pointing towards the cat ears she’d drawn onto him. That brat. And she couldn’t draw space heaters for heck either.