Work Header

Can you buy this online?

Work Text:

Jinnie-Hyung: Joon


Kim Namjoon!



Namjoonie : what?


Jinnie-Hyung : First


You should be honored I have graced you with my online presences


I need a favor


Namjoonie:  Oh my bad

how's this

Thank you for taking the time to talk to a lowly peasant like myself. Whatever could you need of me? oh darling Hyung of mine


Jinnie-Hyung : better

But first a query?

And don’t sigh

I can feel your eyes rolling through the phone


Namjoonie : I'm doing homework

what’s your question Hyung?



Jinnie-Hyung : can you ...

buy condoms online?


Namjoonie : …


Jinnie-Hyung : I’m taking that as a yes


Namjoonie : are you being serious?


[Namjoonie is calling]


Seokjin sucked in his bottom lip to keep from pouting as he answered the phone.


“Oh Joonie, I’m so delighted in your calling me on this beautiful-”


“Hyung.” Even through the phone Seokjin could hear the annoyance, it was grand. He loved to pick on Namjoon. His voice always got so stern and tight. Much like now. “Why do you need condoms?”


“I don’t need them, per se.” Seokjin shifted the phone to the other ear, glancing around his room. “But you know, can you?”


“Why don’t you just go to the drug store and pick up some?”


“Well… I mean I could but we live in, you know, a small place and your mom works at the closest drug store and my father is the mayor and you know.” He waves his hands around as if Namjoon could see and understand the implications. Namjoon couldn't and from the silence on the other end, Seokjin could feel the questioning looking. 


“Are you planning on having sex with someone?” Seokjin could hear the wheels churning in Namjoon's head. “Wait. Hyung. Are you - Are you seeing someone? It's not a one night stand is it?”


Seokjin pouts. “No, it's not- I’m not-” He huffs out, not sure how to answer.


“Then why the condoms?”


Seokjin kicks the blankets on his bed petulantly. “I just want them.. you know, just in case.”


"No, I don't know." Namjoons sigh rumbles through the speaker, it was a sigh of exasperation. “Just go buy them. No one will judge you. Plus at least they know you'll be safe and stuff. I still don't understand why you would need them, even just in case.” Seokjin can feel the air quotations in his tone.


"No, I can't let them know."


"Why not." Namjoon lets out a huff through his nose. "It's not a big deal, no one will care." Seokjin immediately scuffs at the comment


“How about this.” Seokjin sits up, a smile spreading across his face. “Since it doesn't bother you, you buy them for me.”


“Jin.” That tone was a firm 'no' if Seokjin had ever heard one.


“I’m still your Hyung.” Seokjin waited, he was half expecting Namjoon to hang up on him. Which wouldn't have been the first time Namjoon had hung up on him for something he thought was 'silly' though none of Seokjin's ideas were silly to him. At least not until afterward.


He might be the older one but Namjoon had little patience for things that he knew were stupid. There had only been a few times that Seokjin had convinced him to do something stupid, like the time he was sad over his grandfather’s death and he and Namjoon went skinny dipping in the middle of the winter that landed them both with pneumonia or the time the day Seokjins parents finally divorced and they got sloppy drunk (maybe also a little bit illegally) and almost caught Seokjins back yard on fire when Namjoon tripped through the bonfire they had set up.


Not to mention all the little things Namjoon had done with Seokjin that no one else would have ever gotten him to do, such as singing with Seokjin in the school talent show or that time they egged a teachers house. 


Namjoon was weak for Seokjin and everyone knew it. Seokjin was definitely hoping to exploit that weakness.


Another sigh, Seokjin could hear the finite amount of patience being whisked away. Seokjin smiled at the sound he knew so well. 


Hook, Line, Sinker.


“Fine.” Namjoon hung up immediately after that. Probably to avoid any other stupid requests. Smart man.


Seokjin tossed the phone to the side doing a little shimmy happy dance.




Namjoon shoved his hands deeper into his pockets, glancing over the shelves. He’d never bought condoms before but it doesn’t seem difficult. it was like buying any other item in the store. You walk in, pick up the item, pay and leave. Simple.


Why couldn’t Seokjin just grow up and do it himself if he wanted them so bad? Namjoon sighs, this was they were talking about Seokjin.


He tilts his head until his neck cracks before letting out a satisfied exhale as he heads down the aisle. The things he does for his Hyung.


Stopping to stare at the different brands, there was more than he had expected. He had assumed there would be like two or three different kinds, like small medium or large or whatever. His eyes roamed over the different colored boxes. He wasn’t even sure what some of this stuff was and oh.. this was says tingling sensation. Interesting. He read a couple of boxes because he had never realized how many different features some of them offered. This was all so fascinating. What was the difference between studded and textured? Pleasure shaped? Where these glow in the dark? He smiled, Seokjin would love these.


Then he frowns putting the box back down and grabbing a cheap plain-looking box and taking it to the counter. If Seokjin wanted something fancy he should get it himself. 


Especially if he was going to hide this kind of stuff from him. He wasn't mad that Seokjin hadn't mentioned he had taken a liking to someone, so much so that he was considering sex with them. Nope scratch that, he was a little mad. They were best friends and told each other everything. Everything. And Seokjin didn't want to tell him this.


And he might have the tiniest of crushes on Seokjin (read a super mega one) but who didn't. Everyone did. they were best friends, he was allowed to have a tiny crush on his best friend. It was well within the rules.


That didn't excuse Seokjin from keeping this kind of information from him. But he was a good friend and he would do this but he would get Seokjin to spill on the crush front, that's the least his friend could do. 


“Oh Namjoon, good to see you.” Ms. Su smiled at him from over the counter. She was always so nice and sweet and just the person Namjoon was hoping to not see tonight.


Namjoon gave an awkward smile back as she eyes the box of condoms. She has kids so obviously she knows what they are but that didn't stop the awkward air from forming as they made the exchange. 


“I see you’re a grown young man now.”


Namjoon coughed. “It’s not what you think ma’am.”


She waved his comment away. “I better meet her soon if you guys are already to this stage.”


Namjoon felt his face flush. “Really, trust me. I don’t have anyone.” She just tsked at him, as if thinking less of him for not having someone, before waving him off with a smile. She probably thought he was some kind of Harley Quinn running about town sexing up all the ladies. 


"At least your being safe about it."


Namjoon cleared his throat as he took the small paper bag. "I guess, yeah. Um, thanks."


She waved him out and he saw her grab her phone as he exited the building. He sighed grabbing his phone in his pocket, getting ready for the inevitable message or call.


He made it halfway home before his mother texted him. Which honestly took longer than he thought it would. It’s been almost five minutes since he left the store. He knew Ms. Su was much faster about gossip than this. 


Mom : Joonbug


Namjoon : Yes mom?


Mom:  you bought some things from the store?


Namjoon:  yes


Mom:  anything you want to talk about?


Namjoon:  no


He shoved his phone back in his pocket when she didn’t reply back as he knocking on the door to Seokjin's house.


“Joon.” Seokjin draped himself over Namjoon as soon as the door opened. “You’ve braved the dragons to obtain the treasures.”


Namjoon pats his back twice, stiffly and awkwardly, before the other pulled away. “It wasn’t hard at all.” He handed the bag over.


Seokjin sent him a smirk, his eyes sparkling. Namjoon ran his tongue over his bottom lip as Seokjin's expression softened. 


Sometimes when Seokjin was really happy his eyes would sparkle with mirth and his lips would tip upwards into his checks as they tinted pink with happiness and it would haunt his dreams for days. 


"So you say."


Although, haunt was the wrong word. He tried his best not to see that expression too often for the sake of his washer after those dreams. “It was.”


“Hey. You know. My parents are away if you want to collect -” The loud ring of Namjoons phone cut him. Namjoon glanced down, sucking on his teeth in annoyance as his mother’s name flashed across the screen.


“I gotta go. I’ll see you at school.” 


“Yeah.” Seokjin sagged but waved to him as he turned away. The phone was to Namjoon's ear before his feet left the final step. 


“On my way mom.”


Seokjin waited until Namjoon was completely out of sight before he entered his house, bag tight in his fist. “I guess you won’t be collecting your reward tonight.”




Namjoon had forgotten about the condoms that he purchased the next morning, his mother hadn’t brought it up, just yelled at him for being out so late on a school night and Seokjin hadn’t mentioned it either. It wasn't important information so his working memory decided that it didn’t need to be kept. That was until he had come home from school Thursday afternoon of that next week, his bag thrown to the side as he picked through his fridge for something to a snack on because he was a bit peckish.


“Honey.” Namjoon popped his head out of the fridge, cheese stick dangling from his lips. “I was going to wait until you came to me but …” She trailed off and Namjoon shut the fridge as she motioned to the chair at the island. Silently saying sit with me, let’s talk. Which he really didn’t want to do but what was he supposed to do, say no?


“Came to you about what?” He nibbled on the cheese and she fidgeted with random items on the counter. She shifted the bowl slightly, then the pen and then a piece of paper, all nervous gestures that Namjoon did when he was feeling out of place as well. The air was awkward between them.


“You know when a man and women love each other very much they.. um..-" They make eye contact and Namjoon almost spite out the cheese. He defiantly knows where this is going. “-Copulate-” Yet, he can't stop the spit from clogging up his esophagus. “-Together.” She finishes as Namjoon tried to gather his breath back. They’re both red and Namjoon can barely keep himself from slamming his head into the counter.


“Mom.” He drags the word out as it pains him, and it does. This moment pains him very much. Just last week he was content to study and have sexy dreams to his heart content and now his mother was staring at him with a mix between hopeful -maybe for grandkids one day, who knows- an immense awkwardness -because talking about sex with your seventeen (almost eighteen)-year-old son for the first time is what everyone wants to do on a Thursday afternoon. Although Namjoon was sure that most kids have already had this talk with their parents, long before now. 


He was a good kid, he liked books and music and not having to feel like crawling into a hole as his mother gave him the sex talk. He wasn't even having sex. Which was unfair, if he got the talk he at least wanted the benefit from it. He didn't even have a lover. This was very much a lose-lose situation. 


He now understands why Seokjin didn't want to do this. And he still had to talk to Seokjin about why he wanted the condoms. This sucked.


"Mom we don't have to have this talk."


“Honey.” She snaps back, hands splaying out over the counter as she tried to have an assertive tone. “This is very serious.”


“Mom.” He whines again and this time his head flattens against the counter, it hurts but he refuses to look up. His ears and neck burning. This is quite possibly the worst.


“If you're old enough to buy condoms you're old enough for me to talk to you about sex.” She sounds more sturdy than moments before and he rolls his eyes before letting out a whine that sounds oddly like the word ‘fine’. Seemingly satisfied with his display of submission at the subject his mother begins her lesson. One that drags on for longer than Namjoon ever wanted to talk about sex with another human being, possibly ever. Much less with his mother. And since when did his mother know so much about gay sex. He hadn't even mentioned he was gay but she made sure to add in it just in case. Which was a little heartwarming that his mother accepted it even though he wasn't out yet. 


He still did not want to be having this conversation. 


Still didn't want to know that his mother knew what a cream pie was nor did he want to know that she'd actually been to a BDSM club before. This is information he never wanted noir needed and now he's pretty sure he can never forget them.


He vaguely wondered if this situation would have been better if the condoms had actually been for him. No, he concluded as his mother starts talking about proper anal prepping, it would not have been better.





Seokjin had been walking down the hall when he felt something touch his wrist and the next thing he knew his body was snatched in the opposite direction so quick his eyes blurred and he worried for whiplash as his feet struggled to not trip over each other. He managed to -barely- keep himself upright as Namjoon dragged him up the stairs and to the roof.


“Joon. Namjoon. Namjoon. Seriously.” The door slams behind them and Seokjin stumbles as his wrist is let go. Namjoon faces him with hands on his hips and a frown firmly planted on his face. It’s adorable. Endearing. Too much for Seokjin's heart to handle. All he wants to do is pinch that cute pout off his face and-


Seokjin stands upright, running a hand through his hair to try and collect himself. Mostly just trying to rein in on his wandering thoughts. Casual, he was casual. Or as close as he can get achieve after being dragged up four flights of stairs and tossed onto the roof by a disgruntled (and adorable) Namjoon. 


“What?” Seokjin snaps because seriously who just grabs a person, drags them up to the roof and then glares at them. Even if Namjoon is super cute while doing it.


“Do you have any idea what I had to go through because of those stupid condoms?!”


Seokjin purses his lips and glances away. That was part of the reason in the first place, why did Namjoon think he asked him about buying them online. 


“I don’t know. You said it was ‘no big deal’” Seokjin air quoted with exaggerated motions. “So I have no idea what you went through, no.”


“My mom sat me down and gave me the ‘talk’, telling me that I needed to bring her home.” Seokjin frowns, glaring at Namjoon as he continues to grumble. “I told her it was nothing but she seems to think that I’m using them with someone and she wants to meet them.”


“I don’t see what the big deal is.” Namjoon turns to him so quick, eyes like ice. 


“I got those for you. I don’t have a girl.”


Seokjin looks at his feet, kicking a lone rock across the cement. “It doesn’t have to be a girl.”


“Male or female, doesn't matter. What matters is she thinks I’m using them. Currently. Like present tense.”


“Then use them.” Seokjin shrugs because it seemed like Namjoon was making a bigger issue out of this than need be.


“Seokjin –”


“Hyung.” Seokijn corrects teasingly.


“How are you not understanding. I’m not seeing anyone. Plus you have the condoms. Not me.” 


"I mean, the condoms, you could, you know... use them."


Namjoon shot him a look, eyes squinting and lips thinking like he was thinking.


Seokjin gulped


His phone buzzed in his pocket and Seokjin pulled out. He needed to make this situation better but really he wasn’t sure how. He didn’t know what to say. Namjoon was mad. He gulped again before dragging his eyes off of Namjoon face to glance at his phone.


Minnie : Did you guys hear!

Namjoon-Hyung bought condoms

And he didn’t tell us

Who's the lucky person?


Well, it looks like the school knows now. Seokjin looked back up to Namjoon and made another mistake in the span of two weeks, he turned and dashed out, leaving Namjoon alone and confused on the roof.




Jungkookie : Hyung!




Jinnie-Hyung : what?


Jungkookie : Namjoon is dating someone

And he didn’t tell us

Who is it?


Minnie : yeah

Who is it?


Tata : Yeah

I feel aghast to be left out of such a critical moment in our young Namjoonies life


Jinnie-Hyung : he’s not dating anyone


Minnie : he bought condoms


Jinnie-Hyung : you buy condoms


Tata : your mom buys condoms


Minnie : I want to say ‘burn’

But that was lame

I know you can better Tae

plus you do buy condoms


Jungkookie : why did he buy condoms then?


Jinnie-Hyung : someone seems oddly interested


Tata : everyone knows Kook has the biggest man-crush on Namjoonie-Hyung since that day we went to the pool and Namjoonie-hyungs short got stuck to his thighs.


Minnie : I remember the day fondly

The day young Jungkookie became a man

I still laugh when I think of him saying 

‘thighs’ with such a dreamy voice

Good times


Jungkookie : shut up

You're supposed to be my boyfriend


Minnie : I only speak the truth

plus he has nice thighs

so where's the lie?


Jinnie-Hyung : it’s ok to have a crush on him Jungkookie

It’s only normal

You were but a mere lad that day


Tata : he’s not anymore


Minnie : he’s still a wee lad


Jungkookie : Guys!

Back to the important stuff




Jinnie-Hyung : Oh man I’ve lost my glasses and I can’t see



[Jinnie-hyung left the chat]


Minnie : typical


Jungkookie : that’s not what you said last night

That I was a wee lad

In fact, it was quite the opposite


Minnie : O look I’ve lost my phone


[Minniie had left the chat]


Tata : I’d be willing to listen to what he said last night

Feel free to go into ALL the details


[Jungkookie Left the chat]





It’s Friday night and Seokjin is laying on his bed, the newest episode of Riverdale playing on his TV. He can’t wait to find out who the black hood is when a knock echoes off his window. Pausing the show he sits up, peering out of the window. There staring back at him, one eyebrow raised, is Namjoon. The same Namjoon who he had avoided since the rooftop incident. The same Namjoon he had watched get bombarded at school by girls trying to figure out who he was with. Who knew that the incredibly smart and dimple boy Namjoon was so popular.


Guess when everyone figured out the smart dimpled man in class was buying condoms without a significant other insight, it aroused curiosity within the masses.


“Open the window Seokjin.” His voice was muffled by the glass. Sighing Seokjin unlatched the window pushing it up so Namjoon could drawl through. They hadn’t used the window system in a while, having outgrown it when they were twelve preferring to use the door. Plus it was safer since Namjoon fell out of the window more occasions than not and one of the last times they had used it he had sprained his wrist falling out of it.


Seokjin scoots to lean against his headboard as Namjoon closes the window and sits down on the edge of the bed near his feet.


“Hey. What's up?” 


Namjoon scrubs a hand over his face. “Why did you need condoms?” He asks without preamble.


“I didn’t need them… per se.” Seokjin twisted the strings of his hoodie between his fingers.




Seokjin gulped, pulling his legs up to his chest, mumbling into his knees. “ I just wanted to … ”


“Are you seeing someone?” Namjoon expression seems.. scandalized. 


“No.” He mumbled back.


“Are you having one night stands?”


“I haven’t even opened the box yet.”


“Tell me why you need the-”


“I wanted them for you,” Seokjin yells. Then sighs, groaning softly at himself as he grabs his ankles, this was not how it was supposed to go. He says then says again in a softer voice. “ I wanted them for you.”


“For me?” Namjoon shifts to face him completely, leg on the bed, hands fisted in his lap.


Seokjin buries his face in his knees, his ears burning. “I was hoping that you would come in that night and we could… I could somehow.. you know.” Seokjin shrugs desperately looking away.


“You could …. What?”


Seokjin squeezes his legs tighter until his arms hurt. “That we would have sex. I had this whole spiel planned out that I was going to be your reward and stuff and then we would fall into the bed together.”


Thick silence followed. 


"I realize now how stupid that sounds." Seokjin peeked an eye out over his knees. He realizes now how stupid the plan was for a plethora of reasons, just a few off the top of his head as he stares at Namjoons blank face. 1) Namjoon might now even like guys. 2) Namjoon might actually be trying to court a girl. 3) Namjoon might like him but maybe doesn’t find him sexy. 4) This one could possibly be a very important reason; Namjoon might not even like him like that.


They weren’t dating. They were just friends. Really good friends. Really good friends who slept over each other's house at least once a week (except for this week because Seokjin had been avoiding Namjoon), really good friends who told each other everything and yet had never managed to talk about whether they were gay or straight. Such really good friends that Seokjin hadn't even stopped to think if they would make a good couple, he just assumed. 


Seokjin felt the bed shift and Namjoon was in his face. “Why didn’t you say anything earlier.”


Then hands were cupping his face pulling him into a kiss. It was soft at first, just lips. Then Namjoon's tongue pokes at his lips. The tongue sweeps through his mouth before it turns to wiggle with Seokjins. 


Seokjin can't help but sigh into the kiss as his hands pull Namjoon closer, closer, closer.




Seokjin woke up the next morning to his mother knocking on the door to make sure he was awake. It was already almost noon.


"I'm up." He grumbles then listens as her footsteps get softer as she walked away before he snuggled back into Namjoon's chest. Arms tightened around him as the body under him let out a soft groan. 


“Hey, Joonie?” The sleeping body shifted to pull him closer with a hum. “Can I ride you till you wake up?”


One of Namjoons eyes opens looking at him before closing again as a grin places itself on his face. 


"Do you expected me to say no?" He says through a chuckle, grabbing Seokjins hips to pull him into a straddle over his waist.




“You avoided our texted all weekend.” Jimin pulls his arm as he whines Monday morning on their way to school, Namjoon walking a couple steps behind them.


“I texted you.” Jimin huffs at Seokjin's response. “What?”


Jimin tugs his arms once more before stopping, pulling Seokjin to a stop as well. “Hyung.” He says in a tone that's both anger and curious.


“What? I told you I did text you-”


“Is that a hickey?” Jimin yanks down Seokjins collar to expose what Seokjin knew to be a hickey on his left shoulder, right over his collar bone. He had hoped the shirt would cover it. He had been wrong.




“Jin has a hickey.” Jungkook appears next to Jimin, glancing over his shoulder at Seokjin.


“That's Hyung to you and where did you come from?” Seokjin changes the subject while pulling his collar our of Jimins grip.


“My mom.” Jungkook nudged Seokjin's side with a snort. “But no really, Who’s it from?”


“Your mom.” Seokjin answers in a childish mocking tone.


“I thought we were all friends but it seems like you're keeping secrets from-”


Jimin stops grabbing Jungkook's arm in one hand and Seokjin in the other. “Oh my god.” His pose reminded Seokjin of that one show from his childhood about the girl who could see the future. Maybe Jimin was seeing the future, he wondered what it looked like from that angle.


Namjoon looked up from his phone to glance at them. He must have felt Jimin hard stare at him.


“You two are banging. “Jimin gasps, looking between Seokjin and Namjoon.


Seokjin sputters. “What? Who? Me?... and Jungkook?”


"This is no time for jokes. Of course you're not banging Jungkook." Jimin glared as he pointed between them. “You and Namjoon.”


Namjoon looks away when Jimin tried to meet his eyes and Seokjin laughs awkwardly, waving him off.


"Jimin it's not like that-"


“No way.” Jimin pulls out his phone, already dialing in the number. “Tae listen-”


Namjoon stepped close to him, nudging him in the side to get his attention. “Guess I’ll have to bring you home to meet my mom since everyone knows.”


Seokjin rolls his eyes, it's not like he hadn't already meet Namjoons mom before. They'd been best friends for years already. Although this would be different. They were dating -and having sex- now.


"Since she already knows where' banging," Namjoon says before snorting a laugh. "I hope she gives you the talk too."


Seokjin gasps. "No, please no. Your mom is too sweet, I don't want to know about her wild side."


"Too late." Namjoon looks up from his phone, "She says to come over after school to talk."


Seokjin groans loudly. Namjoon just pats his back before leaning in to kiss his cheek.


"There, there, it'll be ok."