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All The Things That We’ve Done

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We are just two messed up people, struggling to keep our heads above the sea of guilt we’re drowning in.

We have our separate ways of coping, and though we won’t say it, we have our separate ways of destroying ourselves.

Then we have our shared way.

The kisses, the hurried touches when no one’s watching, it destroys us slowly. Because it lets us forget ourselves, for a minute, for an hour, for as long as we’re together. But too soon it rushes back, like a wave, and when it crashes over us, it hurts, and drags us under, drowning us in all the things that we’ve done. And each time it’s worse.

But we can’t stop.

We became addict to each other.

Every time it’s like poison, and then we realise we wanted to die all along. And then comes the moment we realise everything else wants us to as well. But we stay, clinging onto a world that doesn’t want us anymore. It doesn’t hurt as much as it should. We’re too far gone for hate to affect us a lot.

Though we are slowly killing each other, the best memories we have is lying next to each other, before the wave strikes and leaves us alone in our minds. We know each other’s bodies well, maybe better than we know our own. We trace the scars on each other’s skin, wondering how the other got them, but never asking, just imagining. Maybe in these moments we don’t know, and maybe that’s better. The scars on our souls are harder to trace, but we still try, it helps them to heal, at least for a while.

Better than our scars, is your tattoos. Each of those black ink marks mean something. Something important. Something you would go through pain for. I will trace them with my index finger, and I wouldn’t know where you ended and I began. It’s just us.

And then there is our tattoo. A black ink scar over our hearts, to remind us that we’re sick and twisted, damaged and unable to be fixed. But it means something more. It reminds us of each other, now we can never be fully erased from the others life, even if we try.

Together we are still sick and damaged and lost but we can forget. Maybe we’re only together as we deserve to be, as nobody else will have us, nobody else will understand.

What we learn in these moments is more important than anything else. No matter how hard we try, no matter how hard we want to, we can’t forget forever and we can’t stop the love that grows inside us.

But we can hide and pretend, and that’s good enough for now.