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Ten Million and Two

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She’s really drunk. Not just the messy, sorta falling over drunk, but the vomiting into the potted plant in the lobby of her apartment drunk. It’s been a great evening. Lex had visited, Lillian had visited, yeah it was great. Gotta love family.

A strong arm slips under her arms and another under her legs and the world goes even wobblier than it was. She slams her eyes shut because if she’s finally getting kidnapped, she won’t vomit on herself. Lillian would never let her live it down. 

The elevator dings.

This is a shitty kidnapper. 

She breathes in and shit. The blissful smell of ozone and potstickers nearly settles her stomach down and god damn she hates this. She hates the blue fabric that’s under her fingers. She hates the way her own breath smells. 

Hates that Kara is once again saving her ass. 

She hasn’t even talked to Kara in ages. The whole being Supergirl and also lying and being a dick-head really hasn’t done their relationship any favors. Not that it was that much of a relationship. Since it was all a lie and all. A big, obvious lie if Lena hadn’t been so fucking dumb.

And in love.


She’s sat down on the blessedly cool floor of her bathroom and leans against the tub. She’s got a damn nice tub. She should use it more often. Actually, she should just do more of what she actually wants to do. If life is going to be this consistently miserable, regardless of what she does or doesn’t do, she may as well get bubble baths in.

And smoothies. Fuck, smoothies are so good. Blueberries and yogurt. Whoever came up with that shit was a genius.

A cold rag touches her forehead and she jumps and then vomits into the bathtub. Why does vomit have to taste so bad? It’s bad enough that she’s practically dying, but now she has to brush her teeth. 

The rag is back and this time she’s too tired to jump. She’s really tired. She just wants to sleep. 

So she does.


Her mouth has approximately the same water content as the Mojave desert. 

There’s a warm hand carding through her hair and if that ever stops she’ll probably die. 

Her toes hurt.


A hand slips under her head and a water glass is laid against her lips. She’s had the best wine any money can buy, whiskey a god would crave, and this water is the best thing she’s ever encountered on this depraved earth. Nothing could possibly be sweeter. 

“What’re you doing here?”

“I don’t know Lena.”

Ugh. Her head hurts. Her toes hurt. Her left leg is bent weird and she doesn’t wanna move so she can un-bend it. Maybe she’ll just die. Oh no, of course not, because Girl Wonder is here to save the day. 


“Why are you so dumb?”

“I don’t know Lena.”

Well that’s dumb. Her hand’s still carding through the hair at her scalp so she can’t really kick Kara out. Not that she’s actually capable of kicking Kara out. Kara just does what she says because she’s a coward. 

A no good, rotten, terrible, liar of a coward. A coward that keeps showing up with flowers and lunch and a steady hand to hold and also to catch her helicopter when it got sabotaged again last week.

Cowards run away.

Kara’s running in the wrong direction. She’s a dumb coward. 




“Why are we so dumb?”

“I don’t know Lena.”


The sun lays across her bed. It’s late afternoon at least. She’s fucking starving. 

Kara’s arm is under her head and Kara’s cheek is smooshed against the top of her head. 

Her headache’s almost not splitting her skull open. The sun feels nice on her legs. Kara’s breaths keep fluttering the fly-aways on her forehead. She really has to pee.

And she’s still starving.


Kara twitches and there’s a flash in her mind and Kara’s under the blankets with her, drooling just a little, snoring, waking so gently to a morning they’ll spend together, half-dressed and laughing over pancakes. 

She blinks and Kara jerks and the flash is over and she should probably really talk to another therapist. 


Kara stretches and sits up. She’s stupid beautiful. She’s also just stupid. 

Kara hands her a water bottle and maybe she’s stupid but at least she’s kind. At least until she’s keeping gigantic secrets. Really big ones. 

“Look,” Lena sighs. “If you make me pancakes, I’ll watch that stupid mini-series you wanted me to watch like two years ago.” 

Kara’s still. It’s the first time she’s offered an olive branch. It’s because she’s stupid. Unfortunately, stupidity is contagious and the disease escalates when all your reasoning is destroyed from alcohol poisoning. 

So many good brain cells, so dead.



The first pancakes are burnt, but Lena’s fresh out of the shower and maple syrup really does a world of good. The song on the tv is slow and soft and their legs are tangled on the couch.

I’ve cried 10 millions tears

I’ve ached 10 million miles to hold onto you

Believed in you when you said that you’d be ever true

While your heart played a part I was falling in love with you

I’ve dreamed 10 million dreams

Sweet dreams my darling that never came true

10 million and two

“I don’t want to do this anymore.”

Kara reaches for the remote and Lena tosses her plate onto the floor. She’s so tired and Kara’s right here and she’s been so lonely and sad and miserable and way too close to her family. And Kara’s just so dumb but she’s been here the whole time and Lena hurts all over.

She just wants a fucking hug, okay?


Kara’s tears dry into her sweater and her own tears dry in Kara’s. 


She throws a strip of bacon at Kara’s face while her hands are full. The slap of it across her eyes is particularly delightful. Kara eats it anyway.

“You’re still dumb.”

“Yeah, so are you.”

It’s warm and quiet and her tummy’s finally calmed down after all the alcohol yesterday. She’s slept more in the past 24 hours than she has in a very long time and there’s a fogginess that’s lifting from around her. The bacon is fake, but this morning isn’t. 

“Do you want to get married?”

Kara drops the pans she’s holding and sausages (real ones, we’re not monsters Lena) scatter across the floor. It’s really funny.

It’s the first time she’s really laughed in… well, who knows?


Crying my heart out for no one but you