Joker: Okay guys, it’s time to start our Phantom Thieves podcast auditions. We need to get our eighth member.
Makoto: But Joker why do we need eight people.
Joker: Because fuck you. Anyway, bring in the first applicant.
*Yukari walks in*
Yukari: Hello, I’m Yukari Takeba, and I’m a mode-
*Ann runs up to Yukari and stabs her in the face*
Ann: There’s only room for one thot in this brigade, and that’s me. Bitch.
Joker: Okay, well she failed. Next.
*Wilma Flintstone walks in*
Wilma: Hello I’m here to audition for the TV show?
Joker: What TV show?
Wilma: The ghost-stone thieves one.
Joker: Who the fuck are you?
Wilma: I don’t like that language. FRED!
Joker: Morgana, if you’d please.
Morgana: Yes Joker.
*Morgana runs up to Wilma*
Morgana: Go the fuck to sleep.
*Morgana hits Wilma with a 2x4*
Yusuke: She’s failed as well.
Joker: It’s going to be a long day.
***Meanwhile in the city***
Minato: Minako, what are you doing?
Minako: I want to become a phantom thief.
Minato: But Minako, you know you’re not allowed out of the kennel except for once every 9 years.
Minako: But brother, it’s time for me to shine and be my own person.
Minato: But you’ll neve be your own person. You’re just me with brown hair and tits.
Minako: I’m not an emo edgelord though.
Minato: Oh no that made me want to kill myself.
Minako: Okay, he should be angsty for about 5 minutes. Now’s my chance.
*Minako runs away*
Minato: Dammit foiled again.
***Back at Cafe LeBlanc***
Joker: Okay guys I’m going outside for a quick break.
*Joker walks outside*
Joker: What a beautiful day to be alive in Tokyo and not be someone who steals hearts in another world. Totally don’t do that.
*Mitsuru walks by*
Joker: Oh, hello Mitsuru. Would you like to audition for the phantom thieves?
Mitsuru: No. I’m too rich and famous to partake in such activities.
Joker: Are you sure?
Mitsuru: Okay I need to go be much better than you anywhere else now.
*Joker returns inside LeBlanc*
Joker: Okay guys let’s continue auditions.
Makoto: Actually Joker we’ve decided to hand pick four people to audition since open auditions weren’t going well.
Joker: Oh, okay. Who did you pick?
*Hifumi, Mishima, Kasumi, and Haru enter LeBlanc*
Makoto: Those are our four auditionees.
Haru: Wait guys I’m not here to audition I”m already a phantom thie-
Joker: Don’t get ahead of yourself, poodle.
Haru: But I’m already-
Joker: That’s it poodle’s out. You other three, come with me.
*Hifumi, Mishima, and Kasumi follow the others upstairs, leaving Haru alone in LeBlanc*
Haru: But I’m already a phantom thief…
***Meanwhile in the city***
*Minako runs through Shibuya as fast as she can*
Minako: I need to hurry and make it to the auditions before they’re finishe-
*Minako runs into Akihiko. He turns around and sees her.*
Akihiko: Oh hello, Minako. Has it been 9 years already?
Minako: No I’ve escaped and am trying to get an audition to be a phantom thief.
Akihiko: What’s that?
Minako: It’s a super cool and hip podcast. It’s, as the cool kids say these days, “cool beans”.
Akihiko: Minako nobody has said “cool beans” since 2010.
Minako: Oh no, I thought my slang was so hip and happening.
Akihiko: Please stop trying to be cool and I will help you get to your audition.
Minako: Wait how?
*Akihiko throws Minako over his shoulder and starts sprinting*
Minako: I thought you were a boxer not a sprinter.
Akihiko: Has any Persona logic been applied to this dumb story at all?
Minako: Oh true.
***Back in LeBlanc***
Joker: Okay so your first step is to awaken your persona.
Mishima: My what?
Joker: You go into another universe, get a migraine and rip your face off.
Mishima: Wait what.
Futaba: Joker they can’t awaken until they’ve been accepted.
Joker: Oh, right. In that case, pretend to awaken your persona, so we can see if it looks cool.
Mishima: Do I still have to rip my face off?
Makoto: Please don’t, it won’t grow back unlike if you actually awaken.
Kasumi: What logical sense does that make?
Ann: It doesn’t.
Joker: Okay Hifumi your turn.
*Hifumi goes super sayan and starts ground pounding the floor*
Hifumi: PersonaaaaaaaaAAAAAAA AWAKENING ATTAAAAAAAAAACK.
Joker: Okay thank you Hifumi we’ll keep in touch if you’re selected.
Futaba: You’re not calling her back are you?
Joker: No I’m deleting her number and forgetting I ever met her.
Makoto: Okay Mishima your turn.
*Mishima gets on his knees and clasps his hands together*
Mishima: PLEASE PERSONA I NEED YOUR HELP SAVE ME.
Joker: Thank you Mishima we’ll get back to you if you’re selected.
Mishima: Are you deleting my number and forgetting you ever met me?
*Mishima sulkily walks away*
Kasumi: Is it my turn now?
Makoto: Actually we decided we picked you before we auditioned the other two.
Makoto: Because you seem like, as the kids say these days, a “boss ass bitch.”
Joker: We will awaken your true persona later.
Kasumi: Will my awakening be super cool like you said?
Joker: I feel like yours will be relatively disappointing and a lame anime reference.
***Back with Minako and Akihiko***
*Akihiko arrives at LeBlanc*
Akihiko: Go Minako!
*Minako sprints inside*
Minako: Hello I’m here to audition for the Phantom Thieves.
Joker: Oh, sorry, the role is taken.
Minako: But can I try anyway?
Minako: Why not?
Joker: We only accept canon characters.
Minako: But Kasumi is-
Kasumi: I was retconned into canon you silly canon wannabe.
Joker: Okay guys let’s go do things somewhere else so the not-canon character can have plot development.
*Everyone else leaves, leaving Minako and Akihiko alone*
Aikihiko: Are you okay Minako?
Minako: Akihiko, let’s make our own podcast. It’ll rival theirs.
Akihiko: K. But what should be call it?
Minako: We’ll call it…
....the Phantom Twats.
Sojiro: So are you two gonna get coffee or?
***To be continued (maybe)***