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The Problem with Polyjuice

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Draco Malfoy stood talking to the other newly graduated members of his Auror class. People he never expected to be friendly with, let alone friends with, stood around him laughing and enjoying the early summer afternoon. He held light-hearted conversations of little substance that allowed his mind to wander.

He almost didn't recognize himself anymore. Six months of probation, during which he sat for and passed his N.E.W.T. examinations, followed by two years of Auror training had changed him from the boy he had once been. Oh, the man he was now was still sarcastic, cunning, brilliant, and ridiculously handsome, but he had learned how to appreciate people for what they could offer. That had probably been his biggest lesson.

He looked around at the wizards and witches currently standing nearby. Weasley and Granger stood to his left, surrounded by what appeared to be the entire Weasley brood and their spouses, obviously there in support of Weasley's completion of the program. Behind him was the crowd he called the Hufflepuff contingent. Susan Bones and Ernie MacMillan stood with Longbottom who, while not a Puff, certainly acted like one at times. And to his immediate right were his own people. Pansy was there to support him and celebrate his success, as were Blaise and Theo. His mother had stayed for the ceremony, but she had discreetly departed shortly after to allow him to celebrate with his friends.

His eyes scanned the crowd for the one person he seemed to always feel the need to locate. There, talking with the Minister of all people, stood Harry Potter. He'd filled out nicely in the years since the war and had graduated at the top of their Auror class. He stood straight and exuded confidence in a way he never had before or during the war. Potter'd confided to Draco over drinks—their friends were present, it wasn't a date or anything—the previous week that for the first time in his life, he felt like he'd earned the accolades he was being presented.

Draco shook his head at that thought. They were actually friends now, though Draco might have harboured a little crush on him for the last few months. Pansy caught the direction of his eyes and grinned. Fine. It was a large crush, one that Pansy was very much aware of. He watched Potter throw his head back in laughter at something the Minister said, then he patted the Minister's shoulder as an old friend would do and moved onto the next conversation with the Puffs, who had moved his way.

They could overhear the conversation, so he hushed Pansy a bit and listened.

"So I told him 'No,' he couldn't just move me into a safe role in the department just because of people's morale if something happened to me. I told him I'd quit immediately if he tried. I'm just like anyone else and expected to be treated as such."

Draco turned to Pansy and realized the din of conversation had risen, so he raised his voice slightly so she could hear. "That man must have huge bollocks, Pans. Imagine telling the Minister no to something like that." She laughed and glanced behind him, and he continued with a smirk. "Sometimes I wonder if his dick is just as large. It'd be something to behold."

"It is." Weasley's voice came from behind him and made him freeze.

"He's right. Definitely is." This time it was Granger's voice, and Draco slowly turned toward them both.

"Huge." George Weasley added with a grin, holding his hands apart at a distance that was just ridiculous.

Draco began to sputter and turn red. He was supremely embarrassed at being overheard, but also confused. He was sure Potter had never been intimate with any of these people, and yet, how would they know? Weasley had shared a dormitory with him, sure, but the others?

Fleur Delacour, now married to the oldest Weasley, he remembered, gave him a huge, encouraging smile, then nodded to George's hands. "C'est énorme, vraiment."

Draco's jaw dropped in shock, and his eyes flicked back to Potter, who was now watching Draco in return. Harry sent him a wink, then seemed to make a decision and walked toward Draco, the others greeting his arrival.

"Hey, Malfoy. So, ah, I was wondering if you wanted to be my date tonight to the celebration party?" The man actually looked nervous, running a hand through his hair anxiously. The man with bollocks and cock that were evidently the size of a centaur's, was nervous about asking him out on a date. Oh, Merlin, what if they hit it off and had sex and he wanted to top? Draco tried not to panic but was still oh so intrigued.

Pansy elbowed him, and he jumped. Right. He had to answer.

"Absolutely, Potter. Harry. I would love to be your date." He glanced at the others who were all openly laughing at him at this point. His eyes fell on a grungy man next to the eldest Weasley brother; the others called him Dung for some reason. The man looked at Draco with wide eyes and held his hands into a wide circle. Surely he wasn't insinuating girth! And that man was disgusting! Whatever kind of kink Potter was into with the Weasleys, surely it did not include this creature.

Harry seemed to be oblivious and just smiled in relief at the acceptance. "That's great. Really. I was waiting until after we completed training to ask. you want to walk with me to get a drink? We can talk about the details?"

Draco shrugged and walked with Harry to the drink table under the marquee, hearing roars of laughter behind him. They each took a drink, then stood in silence for a moment until he couldn't take it anymore.

"Harry. Before I go on a date with you, I have to know. How the hell have Granger, nearly all of the Weasleys including Fleur, and that creature they call Dung, all somehow seen your—your—your dangly bits?" he concluded, finally finding the words.

Harry just stared at him in shock. "Seen my what? They haven't seen my—" He stopped, and considered. "Ah, fuck no. They did not—"

Harry turned and stalked away, leaving Draco standing in shock before he hurried after him. He arrived just in time to hear the shouting begin.

"Are you telling me you all looked? What the hell is wrong with you?"

The Weasley brothers seemed to be the least afraid. George grinned. "Harry, Harry, Harry," he began, sounding like he was trying to imitate Lockhart back in Draco's second year. "It's not anything we hadn't seen in the showers after Quidditch."

Harry glared. "Not. The. Same." Then he turned to Granger and Fleur. "And what possible explanation do you have?"

Granger was red now, but she kept her chin up. "I was curious. They felt weird."

Fleur nodded in agreement. "Very strange. I had to see."

Harry covered his face with his hands. "For fuck's sake." He turned to Dung. "And you?"

"Wanted t'say I'd seen 'em, I did. Chosen one and all, right? Lucky I didn't take photos, aren't ya?"

Harry looked like he was going to punch them all, then sighed. "Go away. You all suck. Come on, Draco. I'll explain. No, they haven't all been in my bed. See, there was this Polyjuice Potion…"

They walked through the remaining crowd and talked, Draco laughing as Harry told the story with attempted humour, though he clearly cut the story off as it got to everyone leaving the Muggle house. Draco figured it was probably for the best, knowing the time period it took place.

He was supremely relieved; Harry hadn't had some kinky Weasley-fest. Thank goodness. But then he realized that they all really did have reason to know the size of Harry's cock. He thought about Harry's friends' hands showing a length and girth. "So, uh, Potter. It's a little forward of me, but um, how do you feel about bottoming?"

Harry laughed nervously. "Yeah, just a little forward, seeing as how we haven't even officially started our first date. But I guess if it's important to you to know… I like it."

Draco grinned. Perfect.

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