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The Most Fun You Can Have With Your Clothes On

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“You're coming to stay?” 

“Just for the weekend, there's need for the theatrics. Honestly, you're so dramatic.”

“I'm not being dramatic! I just... I don't get why you need to stay here. Patch is only a few hours out of Vale, can't you just drive back home once you're done... visiting, or whatever?"

Raven sighed down the phone. Qrow could practically hear her rolling her eyes at him.

“As difficult as it apparently is for you to believe, I actually want to spend some quality time with you, Qrow. You were the one who fucked off all the way to Vale instead of staying with us, so forgive me for wanting to spend more than a few hours with my little brother.”

Qrow groaned. “Okay, firstly; I moved to the city because living with you, Tai and Summer was becoming fucking insufferable. I mean, I'm happy for you guys and it's great that the three of you are dating now, but I do not need to see my sister making out with her boyfriend or her girlfriend when I'm trying to eat breakfast. And secondly; you are five minutes older than me.”

“And don't you forget it, little brother. Now are you going to tell me why you're really throwing such a hissy fit over this?”

“I'm not throwing a hissy fit!”

Raven pointedly ignored him. “Is it because of that new boyfriend of yours? Do you not want him to meet me?”

Oh, right... that. Qrow was glad that Raven couldn't see his face, because he could feel his cheeks starting to flush. 

“No,” he mumbled. “No, it's - it's fine...” 

“Then I don't see a problem.”


“See you on Friday, little brother!” 

Qrow fell back against the couch once Raven hung up, his face in his hands. Shit. God fucking damn it. This was not going to end well. 

Taiyang and Summer were two of Qrow's best friends, but once they both started dating his twin sister they became impossible to live with. Being stuck in that apartment with all that PDA was a nightmare, and Raven just loved to rub it in that Qrow was single, the ultimate third-wheel who hadn't been on a real date in years. It was probably one of Raven's favourite things to make fun of, along with everything else about him.

So Qrow packed up his stuff and moved out of their small town to the city of Vale, answering the first ad for a roommate he could find and getting a halfway decent job in a coffee shop. And it was fine. 

Or it least it would've been, if Raven hadn't kept on bugging him about his non-existent love life. 
And so... Qrow had lied. 

It was no big deal at first. He just made up a story about how he and his roommate had gone on a date. He had hoped that it would finally shut Raven up, but Qrow wasn't so lucky. He was never so lucky. All his lie had done was make Raven ask even more

questions, and Qrow’s dumb little lie had snowballed. And now, according to Raven (and Taiyang and Summer, because of course she told them), Qrow's roommate was also his boyfriend. 

And Qrow's roommate had no idea.

But that wasn't the only complication. Qrow's roommate, Clover Ebi, was... well... fuck, Qrow had the biggest crush on him. It was embarrassing as hell, but Qrow just couldn't help it. The man was gorgeous, just inexcusably hot, not to mention kind and sweet and funny in a way that was somehow equal parts cocky and adorable. And he was also kind of flirty, but Qrow assumed he was like that with everyone – he had never met anybody who winked so damn much. It had been easy to lie to Raven about dating Clover, because who the hell wouldn't want to date Clover? 

But now that lie had come back to bite Qrow in the ass, just like he was afraid it would. 

Qrow was still trying to smother himself with his own hands when Clover came home from the gym a few minutes later, and Qrow peeked at him through his fingers as the other man went to the fridge in their little kitchenette to grab a bottle of water. It was seriously unfair how attractive Clover was. He looked like such a typical douchebag jock in his tank top and gym shorts, the kind of guy that Qrow and Raven (being the pretentious little goth kids they were) would have detested back in high school. But he was such a goddamn sweetheart that it was impossible not to like him – the kindness of his smile, the warmth in his bright teal eyes. Yeah, he was insanely hot, but more than anything Qrow just wanted to be with him, wanted to kiss him and be held in his big strong arms and do all that romantic domestic crap that Qrow hadn't done with anyone in a very, very long time.

God, he had it bad...

Finally, Clover noticed the turmoil Qrow was in. He leaned against the counter with a distractingly sexy smirk on his face. “Hey, man, you doing okay?” 

Qrow dragged his hand down his face with a sigh. “Honestly... not really. Dude, I fucked up.” 

Clover's smirk was immediately replaced with a look of concern. Genuine concern. Qrow would never get over just how goddamn caring and sincere Clover could be, it was unreal. Clover came to sit beside him on the couch, and Qrow stared down at his hands, fiddling with his rings so he wouldn't have to see those eyes close up. 

“Qrow, what happened? Is there anything I can do to help?” 

“Relax, boy scout,” said Qrow, rolling his eyes but still not looking directly at his roommate. “It's not the end of the world, at least I hope it won't be. Listen, Clover, can I... I mean... I gotta ask for a favour. A pretty big favour.” 

“Go for it.”

Qrow took a deep breathe, running a hand through his hair and bracing himself for what was sure to be a hell of an awkward conversation. 

“Okay, so this is gonna sound ridiculous, but let me explain. My sister, Raven, is coming to visit me and she's insisting on staying here for the weekend.”

“Oh, do you need me to give you guys some space?” said Clover, sounding ridiculously earnest. “I can go stay at Elm's place and she can have my room, I'll totally get out of your hair.” 

“No, man, that's not...” Qrow groaned for what felt like the millionth time that day. “I don't need you to leave, quite the opposite actually. I may have told my sister a couple of little white lies after I moved here, and if she finds out she will literally never let me live it down, she will hold this over my head for the rest of my damn life. So in order for that not to happen, I need you to... pretend to be my boyfriend for the weekend.”  

Oh God, it sounded even more stupid when he said it out loud. There was no way Clover would agree to something so fucked up. It was Qrow's own damn fault he was in this mess in the first place, he should have just tried to fix it himself, should have just told Raven the truth instead of piling on even more bullshit. Of course Clover wouldn't want to be dragged into all this nonsense, there was no way in hell that he would ever agree to something so – 

“Sure, okay.” 


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“Wait – really?!”

Clover just chuckled. “Yes, really. I'm happy to help.”

“You're happy to help?” Qrow said, incredulously. “You're reacting like I just asked you to drive me to the airport. Did you not hear me when I said I need you to be my fake boyfriend for the weekend?”

“Oh, I heard you,” said Clover. “And I said I'm down. You need my help, and I'm here for you, dude.” 

Qrow looked at his roommate like he's just grown an extra head. Part of him was relieved that he didn't have to convince Clover to do this, but another much larger part of him just could not fathom why he didn't have to convince Clover to do this.

“Wow... you're actually serious about this,” said Qrow, almost a little bit awestruck. “You're really gonna do this insane fucking thing for me, huh?”

“Of course I am, Qrow. I'd like to think we're friends as well as roommates by now, and I want to help you with this. So, exactly what have you told your sister about me? Or about us, I should say. How long does she think we've been together?” 

“Er, not long,” said Qrow, fiddling nervously with the rings on his fingers. “About two months, I think.”

“Oh, I see,” said Clover with a mischievous smile. “So we're still in the honeymoon phase, are we? I can work with that.”

Qrow could feel the blush creeping up his neck. 

“So are we just dating, or are we sleeping together too?” Clover continued, way too casually. 

“Er...” Qrow was definitely blushing now. “I didn't go into that much detail but, knowing Raven, she'll definitely assume we're... y'know...” 

Clover looked as if he was enjoying himself far too much. “I can definitely work with that. Did you tell her about our first date?” 

“Sort of,” said Qrow, awkwardly scratching the back of his head. “I told her you came to my work one day after my shift ended and we had coffee together.”

“And then one thing led to another?” Clover smirked. “And you couldn't resist my charm?”

“Shut up,” said Qrow with an embarrassed chuckle. “You're not charming, you fucking dork.” 

“Hey, that's no way to talk to your boyfriend!” Clover laughed. 

Qrow wished he could stop blushing, but hearing Clover call himself that was... well, it was a lot. An annoyingly hopeful and uncharacteristically positive part of Qrow’s mind thought that maybe, just maybe this whole situation wouldn't be entirely terrible. No matter what happened, at least for one weekend he could have what he always wanted. He could have Clover... kind of. Sure, it was all bullshit, but he might as well enjoy it while he could. 

“So how do you feel about PDA?” Clover said. “I mean, we're in the honeymoon phase, is your sister going to expect us to be all over each other, or...?” 

Qrow cleared his throat, trying to keep his goddamn blushing under control. “She’ll probably expect it, yeah. She's dating my friends, Taiyang and Summer, and when we used to all live together it was a fucking nightmare. They were all over each other constantly, I'm pretty sure she was doing it on purpose.”

“Really?” Clover scoffed.

“Oh, you don't know Raven, it's exactly the kinda shit she'd do to me. When Summer and Tai first got together there were pretty chill about it, kept the PDA to a minimum. But once Raven got involved... well, my sister really has no shame. You don't wanna know the kinda things I walked in on...” 

Clover winced at the thought. “Ouch. So are you looking to dish out a little revenge? Show her how it feels to be the third-wheel for a change?” 

“Not, er... not exactly,” Qrow stuttered. “I mean... whatever you're comfortable with, man.” 

“You'd be surprised with how much I'm comfortable with,” Clover said with a wink – the bastard seriously winked. “I just don't want to overstep, you know? I want to respect your boundaries, and I don't want things to be weird between us once Raven leaves.”

“Right,” Qrow said slowly, trying not to sound sad about how temporary this whole situation was. Yeah, he wanted to enjoy this while he could. But once Raven left at the end of the weekend... then what?

Optimistic hope and soul-crushing realism continued to battle it out in Qrow's mind as the two continued to talk. They told each other a little more about their lives, just in case Raven decided to quiz them. 

Qrow told Clover, in as little detail as he could possibly get away with, about his and Raven's shitty childhood in the small middle-of-nowhere town on the outskirts of Sanus, about his slightly less shitty high school days at Beacon, about his failed attempts at being a musician, and the kind of friendship he had with Tai and Summer. And Clover, much more openly, told Qrow all about growing up in Mantle, about Atlas Academy and being top of the class (because of course he was) and a high school sports star (because of course he fucking was), and he gushed enthusiastically about becoming a personal trainer and all the friends he'd made at the gym he now worked at, only a few of whom Qrow had briefly met and immediately forgotten about.

But throughout their whole conversation, Qrow just couldn't stop thinking about all the many, many ways that this could all go horribly wrong. He had already messed up by catching feelings for Clover – who had met all of Qrow's lofty standards, such as being hot and not being an asshole – but trying to keep up this lie without letting his own stupid feelings bleed through was going to be exhausting. Not to mention having to do it in front of Raven. Qrow honestly wasn't sure he could handle this. 

“Hey, Qrow, there's one more thing we should probably get out of the way too. You know, just to break the ice.”


And then Clover leaned in and pressed the softest, sweetest, more heart-melting kiss on Qrow's lips, his hand cupping Qrow's face and thumb gently brushing against his cheekbone. 

Yeah, Qrow definitely wasn't going to be able to handle this.