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The Most Fun You Can Have With Your Clothes On

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“You're coming to stay?” 


“Just for the weekend, there's need for the theatrics. Honestly, you're so dramatic.”


“I'm not being dramatic! I just... I don't get why you need to stay here. Patch is only a few hours out of Vale, can't you just drive back home once you're done... visiting, or whatever?"


Raven sighed down the phone. Qrow could practically hear her rolling her eyes at him.


“As difficult as it apparently is for you to believe, I actually want to spend some quality time with you, Qrow. You were the one who fucked off all the way to Vale instead of staying with us, so forgive me for wanting to spend more than a few hours with my little brother.”


Qrow groaned. “Okay, firstly; I moved to the city because living with you, Tai and Summer was becoming fucking insufferable. I mean, I'm happy for you guys and it's great that the three of you are dating now, but I do not need to see my sister making out with her boyfriend or her girlfriend when I'm trying to eat breakfast. And secondly; you are five minutes older than me.”


“And don't you forget it, little brother. Now are you going to tell me why you're really throwing such a hissy fit over this?”


“I'm not throwing a hissy fit!”

Raven pointedly ignored him. “Is it because of that new boyfriend of yours? Do you not want him to meet me?”


Oh, right... that. Qrow was glad that Raven couldn't see his face, because he could feel his cheeks starting to flush. 


“No,” he mumbled. “No, it's - it's fine...” 


“Then I don't see a problem.”


“But...” 


“See you on Friday, little brother!” 


Qrow fell back against the couch once Raven hung up, his face in his hands. Shit. God fucking damn it. This was not going to end well. 


Taiyang and Summer were two of Qrow's best friends, but once they both started dating his twin sister they became impossible to live with. Being stuck in that apartment with all that PDA was a nightmare, and Raven just loved to rub it in that Qrow was single, the ultimate third-wheel who hadn't been on a real date in years. It was probably one of Raven's favourite things to make fun of, along with everything else about him.


So Qrow packed up his stuff and moved out of their small town to the city of Vale, answering the first ad for a roommate he could find and getting a halfway decent job in a coffee shop. And it was fine. 


Or it least it would've been, if Raven hadn't kept on bugging him about his non-existent love life. 
And so... Qrow had lied. 


It was no big deal at first. He just made up a story about how he and his roommate had gone on a date. He had hoped that it would finally shut Raven up, but Qrow wasn't so lucky. He was never so lucky. All his lie had done was make Raven ask even more

questions, and Qrow’s dumb little lie had snowballed. And now, according to Raven (and Taiyang and Summer, because of course she told them), Qrow's roommate was also his boyfriend. 


And Qrow's roommate had no idea.

 
But that wasn't the only complication. Qrow's roommate, Clover Ebi, was... well... fuck, Qrow had the biggest crush on him. It was embarrassing as hell, but Qrow just couldn't help it. The man was gorgeous, just inexcusably hot, not to mention kind and sweet and funny in a way that was somehow equal parts cocky and adorable. And he was also kind of flirty, but Qrow assumed he was like that with everyone – he had never met anybody who winked so damn much. It had been easy to lie to Raven about dating Clover, because who the hell wouldn't want to date Clover? 


But now that lie had come back to bite Qrow in the ass, just like he was afraid it would. 


Qrow was still trying to smother himself with his own hands when Clover came home from the gym a few minutes later, and Qrow peeked at him through his fingers as the other man went to the fridge in their little kitchenette to grab a bottle of water. It was seriously unfair how attractive Clover was. He looked like such a typical douchebag jock in his tank top and gym shorts, the kind of guy that Qrow and Raven (being the pretentious little goth kids they were) would have detested back in high school. But he was such a goddamn sweetheart that it was impossible not to like him – the kindness of his smile, the warmth in his bright teal eyes. Yeah, he was insanely hot, but more than anything Qrow just wanted to be with him, wanted to kiss him and be held in his big strong arms and do all that romantic domestic crap that Qrow hadn't done with anyone in a very, very long time.


God, he had it bad...


Finally, Clover noticed the turmoil Qrow was in. He leaned against the counter with a distractingly sexy smirk on his face. “Hey, man, you doing okay?” 


Qrow dragged his hand down his face with a sigh. “Honestly... not really. Dude, I fucked up.” 


Clover's smirk was immediately replaced with a look of concern. Genuine concern. Qrow would never get over just how goddamn caring and sincere Clover could be, it was unreal. Clover came to sit beside him on the couch, and Qrow stared down at his hands, fiddling with his rings so he wouldn't have to see those eyes close up. 


“Qrow, what happened? Is there anything I can do to help?” 


“Relax, boy scout,” said Qrow, rolling his eyes but still not looking directly at his roommate. “It's not the end of the world, at least I hope it won't be. Listen, Clover, can I... I mean... I gotta ask for a favour. A pretty big favour.” 


“Go for it.”


Qrow took a deep breathe, running a hand through his hair and bracing himself for what was sure to be a hell of an awkward conversation. 


“Okay, so this is gonna sound ridiculous, but let me explain. My sister, Raven, is coming to visit me and she's insisting on staying here for the weekend.”


“Oh, do you need me to give you guys some space?” said Clover, sounding ridiculously earnest. “I can go stay at Elm's place and she can have my room, I'll totally get out of your hair.” 


“No, man, that's not...” Qrow groaned for what felt like the millionth time that day. “I don't need you to leave, quite the opposite actually. I may have told my sister a couple of little white lies after I moved here, and if she finds out she will literally never let me live it down, she will hold this over my head for the rest of my damn life. So in order for that not to happen, I need you to... pretend to be my boyfriend for the weekend.”  


Oh God, it sounded even more stupid when he said it out loud. There was no way Clover would agree to something so fucked up. It was Qrow's own damn fault he was in this mess in the first place, he should have just tried to fix it himself, should have just told Raven the truth instead of piling on even more bullshit. Of course Clover wouldn't want to be dragged into all this nonsense, there was no way in hell that he would ever agree to something so – 


“Sure, okay.” 


Oh.