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touch me

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jisung loved being between the two. it helped take his mind away, even just for a bit.

it didn't matter the position, them all laying on their sides or jisung laying against chan's chest and half of changbin draped over him- or vice versa, or anything else.

he loved the warmth, how small he felt compared to them, how they rubbed all over his skin and whispered sweet little things that eased his mind.

some days were worse, and today had been one of them. he woke up in the cold, the blankets kicked down towards his feet. he knew it was wednesday, and changbin had an early class and chan an early shift, but his mind instantly drifted and knew it wasn't going to be a good day without them.

he sighed, reached down and pulled the covers up tight around him and resisted the urge to call and ask if they were all right. it was the main thing he thought about, them dead in a ditch somewhere, and he would imagine it so vividly that he couldn't quit crying unless they were right there holding him.

he knew they were okay, knew his phone would be blowing up and he'd be awoken from the noise. it was quiet in the room, which wasn't good, because it made his mind flow easier, dig deeper into things he could never even imagine doing or happening.

he usually woke before his alarm, because his body was still systemed to wake early from highschool and his previous job at a coffee shop. he had a class in a couple of hours, and he considered skipping, because he probably wouldn't be able to focus. he decided that, no, that's a dumb idea, because chan and changbin would be upset about it.

he knew they wouldn't, but he envisioned angry faces and a silent treatment, and it brought tears to his eyes. he pushed away the blanket, shivered from the cold, and got up.

he quickly glanced at his phone, smiled at the good morning texts from his boyfriends, replied with his own, and turned off his alarm. he took a shower, following a routine he had since being a young teenager, and dressed in warm clothes to ward off the biting winter air.

he heated up the food chan mentioned in his text and brewed a new pot of coffee, because the stuff sitting in the pot before he dumped it out had to have been left for a few hours.

it was easier in the mornings, as he was never fully awake until almost the afternoon, so his mind kept relatively quiet.

he'd have occasional thoughts, wondered if the two were sick of him and that's why they never woke him up before leaving, if the coffee grounds from the bag were somehow poisoned, if on his way to school the subway would crash and he'd die.

tears already pricked his eyes. he
swallowed his medication with a mouthful of coffee, rinsed his dishes, brushed his teeth, and watched the clock.

it was ingrained in his brain. when his classes started at 10:30, he couldn't leave the house until 9:47. he had to see the numbers, and he'd only missed it once. it was by seconds, he knew it, but he broke down and cried and missed his class. changbin came home to him a mess on the floor, still in his winter coat, sweating profusely but not even noticing.

it took time for changbin and chan to get used to. they always seemed to have questions but were too afraid to ask, and it irked jisung. that was when the thoughts really became bad, because they wouldn't want him, because he was too messed up in the head and too much work to handle.

they fell though, harder than thought possible, and they accepted jisung in every aspect of the word. for them, it was hard not to. he was perfect, despite the compulsions and intrusive thoughts that pulled them away from their day.

they wanted him, all of him, and they fought so hard for it. they listened to him talk about his needs, his apologies of being annoying because of them, but they shut him up and replied with caring words that made him feel loved instead.

jisung barely understood why he did what he did, so how could they possibly accept it into their lives like it was something as simple as tying shoelaces? he couldn't remember exactly how he explained it to them, just knew there was lots of mumbling and "um's" and swept away tears.

when he double checked that the clock read 9:47, he carefully stepped out of his slippers by the shoe rack and into his shoes. once outside, he wouldn't be safe. there would be millions of tiny little germs wanting to infect him and crawl all over him. that's why they didn't wear shoes throughout the house, to ease jisung's cluttered mind. shoes stepped everywhere, were filled with unimaginable, incurable diseases that would infect jisung and he would die. he wasn't ready to die, wanted to live, so he had to be so very clean.

it happened once, sweet and nice jeongin came over and wasn't told about the no shoes rule. really, he barely stepped past the shoe rack before chan grabbed his arm and stopped him from going farther.

though, jisung could only think about it for the rest of the night and had to disinfect the whole floor, twice, the next day when his two boyfriends left. he didn't want to be made fun of, knew he wouldn't be, so why was he so afraid?

it was stupid right? it was stupid that he had to go back into their apartment twice to check that he switched off the coffee pot, because if he didn't the complex would burn down, and he'd be responsible for people's lives, and he'd go to jail for murder.

it was stupid that he had to wait for the elevator again after he arrived at the lobby, to check he'd locked the door, or else they would get robbed. then the thief would be waiting for them to get home and would kill all three of them.

it was going to be a really bad day.

-

"hey, jisungie!" chan happily said over the phone, and jisung couldn't understand his bubbly mood.

his class had just ended, and it was almost routine for chan to call, as it was the same time as his break.

"hi, hyung," jisung muttered, thoughts clouded and distant from the call. he was distracted, chan could tell, but he didn't call him out on it.

"jisungie," chan's voice seemed to sound more calm, and it instantly grabbed jisung's attention. it soothed him, even just a bit. "your class just ended, right?"

"like every wednesday," jisung answered, mind drifting to the door handle he just touched, and he wondered how he was going to open the apartment door without his keys being infected with germs. he couldn't remember if his hand sanitizer was still in his bag, but it had to be. he just used it, right?

he couldn't remember. he had to check if it was there, because his hand felt tingly, like he could actually feel ever single living bacteria crawling on it.

"do you want to stop by and have lunch? i can call changbin," chan asked, but jisung couldn't hear him, not when he was thinking about the germs and how he couldn't check his bag, because then he would touch everything else and infect those with germs, too. "jisung?"

"channie," jisung was about to cry. tears filled his eyes, and he couldn't cry, not when he was about to go on the subway, and everyone would see him. "i- i-"

"okay," chan calmly interrupted, voice so warm and comforting. "binnie is home, okay? he'll take care of you, and i'll bring home food after my shift."

"but you want us there now," jisung tried to reason, but he knew it was dumb to. how could he eat in a germ filled restaurant if he can't even open a door without crying.

"sungie, it's okay. it's fine, i'm fine. i'd rather us eat at home, okay? i'm sure binnie can't wait to see you, and i can't either. i'll be home in a few hours," chan answered, still in that honey sweet voice that never failed to rain down on the intrusive thoughts until they were little puddles. but even little puddles evaporated and formed clouds, dark storm clouds that outweighed chan's light rainfall.

"okay," jisung sighed out. "i love you channie."

"i love you, too, jisung-ah. i'll see you soon."

jisung hung up, put his phone in his pocket and had to maneuver his bag with one hand, because the other was dirty and unusable. he breathed out in relief, put too much hand sanitizer on his hands, and hissed when they seeped into the tiny cuts on them. he knew he was damaging them, knew that it was worse than constantly cleaning them, but he had to just because.

-

changbin had gotten a call soon after changing into pajamas. it was still early, but he didn't have any plans for the rest of the day.

chan told him that it was one of jisung's off days, to go gentle on him and be patient. changbin knew to do that, of course, but it was calming to know that chan cared so deeply to remind him, for all of their sakes.

if something were to happen once jisung got home, something to upset his routine or just him, jisung would struggle to get past it, changbin would feel guilty and maybe cry, and chan would worry too much for the both of them.

"binnie?" jisung called out, albeit quietly, once he came through the door.

changbin heard him hang up his keys and slip his shoes off.

"i'm on the couch," he answered and easily put on a comforting smile. "hey baby," he said once jisung came into view.

"binnie," he said quietly, maybe even nervously. "channie said you would take care of me."

changbin's smile grew, "of course i will, jisungie. you know that."

"i- i know, b-but i mean different-differently," jisung answered, definitely shyly.

and changbin understood. when jisung got shy and quiet, he wanted his mind to drift away from any intrusions, not cuddled under blankets with some movie playing. he wanted to be gently pressed into the matress and told so many reassuring and delicate things. he wanted it until his mind was only full of chan and changbin and the coil in him that would ultimately snap, and he'd be completely sated.

"okay, baby," changbin stood from the couch, walking over but not touching him yet. "do you want to shower first?"

jisung averted his gaze, hands wringing together, "is that okay?"

it was funny, how he didn't mind sitting on his bed with dirty clothes or touching his phone that was laid on billions of bacteria, but his skin was still rubbed raw. he couldn't explain it, because that's just how his mind worked.

he had once compared himself to the quantum theory, and still could today. it was explained in terms of 'because the quantum theory says so' and jisung ultimately decided he would do these things repeatedly, 'because my mind says so.'

he was something unexplainable waiting to be experimented on. he figured he would have to be the one to go in with a microscope and explore every piece of his brain, but his own fear of change held him back. he had a routine, so why change it?

"perfectly," changbin answers softly, "do you want to wait for channie?"

"he- he said he'd be home in a few hours. i don't wanna wait th-that long," jisung said timidly. "do you think he'll be mad?"

the elder smiled gently, "no, baby. you know he won't. take your time in the shower, okay? i'll wait on the bed for you."

jisung nodded, left his bag sitting on the couch for later when he'd do his homework, and took his second shower in the span of mere hours. he hated how dry his skin was, but it was better than dying from some disgusting disease.

changbin sent chan a short text and waited for his reply that should come quick. it was never busy at the restaurant in the middle of the week, especially at that hour when almost the only residents near it were college students who had classes.

changbin
i'll be taking care of sungie

chan
okay

chan
i'll shower before joining

changbin
see you soon. we love you

chan
i love you guys too

changbin sat his phone on the coffee table and washed his hands before going into the bedroom. he knew he would probably have to use hand sanitizer that jisung would shyly give him, but that was okay. he'd do anything to ease him.

jisung's shower was shorter, maybe because of guilt of having to make changbin wait, or the edge of knowing what was to come. jisung stepped into the room with a towel wrapped around his waist and looking oh so pretty.

changbin wanted to touch, run his hands everywhere until it was all jisung could think about. he didn't though, waiting until jisung touched first.

"um," jisung began, and changbin was reminded of years ago when the three began dating. "did you-"

"yeah, sungie," changbin answered, as he knew what he was going to ask. he held up his hands and wiggled his fingers, a gentle smile on his face. "they're sparkling."

jisung smiled, too, and the gesture filled changbin's heart with warmth and love. knowing he could make jisung happy on his off days made him feel prideful and like he could accomplish anything, no matter the obstacles put in his way.

jisung made his way over to him, and when he crawled onto the bed on his knees and had one leg on either side of changbin's, is when he finally let go of the towel. it didn't fall off of him completely, just enough to have changbin's urge of reaching out and feeling grow larger. he relented, kept his hands at his sides, waiting for jisung.

"it's okay," the younger spoke quietly, affirming, "please touch me, binnie."

and changbin did. his hands moved across silky skin like he was starved, loving the little mewls because of jisung's sensitivity. he carefully took off the towel, heart growing and beating faster at jisung's flushed skin. he was always so shy, even after all these years, but he would never get sick of it.

"what do you want, sungie?" changbin asked, hands still rubbing comforting circles, albeit a little rougher than probably considered comfy at all. jisung didn't mind, because it helped ground him that little bit more.

"you, please," jisung whined , "anything, binnie, please."

"okay, sh," changbin hushed him with a calm smile. "i'll take care of you."

and he did, riling him up and bringing him back down when he was going to cum, growing his need for it, which drifted his mind further from the compulsions. he did it, also, because if he came without chan there, it would make the day worse and cause unnecessary guilt.

jisung was nearing the point of crying when they heard chan shout that he was home and the noise of the shower. it only made jisung whine more, knowing that his other lover was so close but so out of reach.

chan was in the bedroom in mere minutes, toweling off his dripping hair, all while being naked. he had no shame showing off his body, especially to the two on the bed.

"channie," jisung whined again when changbin's fingers curled up inside of him and sent a jolt through his whole being, "touch me."

chan gave him a grin, dropping the towel on the floor to be picked up later, and got onto the bed next to them.

jisung was on his back, changbin laying between his spread legs and licking and biting every inch of skin on his thighs. jisung loved being marked up, bruised. the feeling of them brushing against his clothes roughly, when he'd dig his fingers into them, just to take his mind away and back to bliss.

chan ran his fingers over jisung's blushing chest, leaning down and giving him a gentle kiss. jisung happily leaned into it, deepening it until they were both short of breath.

"what do you want, sungie?" chan asked, fingers running over his nipples and pinching, jisung arching up.

"wanna cum!" he cried out, changbin adding another finger and thrusting faster, deeper than before. "binnie's being mean."

"is that so?" chan gasped, "that isn't very nice, bin."

changbin moved his head up, and chan couldn't help but lean down and kiss his swollen, spit slicked lips.

"how about," chan pulled away, head tilted in jisung's direction, "i fuck you and you suck binnie's cock, hm? how's that sound, baby?"

jisung shuddered at the words and nodded enthusiastically. chan loved acting innocent, but god, his mouth was filthy.

changbin pulled out his fingers and maneuvered himself around chan to switch places. jisung sighed contentedly when his hole was filled again, even only by fingers, but chan's were longer and could reach deeper. but changbin made up for it by being rougher, using his mouth anywhere and everywhere.

"hurry," jisung mumbled, wasn't even sure if anyone heard him, but chan's fingers slipped out and almost immediately had his cock at his entrance.

changbin was slower, was teasing and making jisung wait. when he was finally in reach, jisung leaned over just a bit farther and opened his mouth, ready to give and take.

"so needy," changbin muttered, and his hand found itself on the younger's hair, pulling just a tad roughly, and his dick pushed into his awaiting, wet mouth.

chan followed afterwards, not bothering to pour more lube onto himself when jisung was already so wet. he loved being messy, which was kind of funny when he didn't like being dirty at all.

jisung was filled with fireworks, mind focused only on the two rocking into him and their quiet grunts and moans and words.

jisung was already so pent up, so it didn't take very long for the coil in him to snap. his hips bucked, hole clenching and fluttering around chan.

the eldest didn't stop, though. he rode him through his orgasm, could feel himself getting closer. jisung continued with changbin, taking him deeper, tongue moving every place he could reach.

chan pulled out when he knew he'd cum, jerking himself until hot streams landed on jisung's stomach. he never liked being filled with cum, not even after they used a plug on him after he asked to try it.

changbin pulled out aswell, despite jisung's protesting whine. he shuffled his knees and came on jisung's chest.

"fuck," changbin breathed out deeply, "fuck, baby, you were so good for us. always so good."

jisung couldn't help but grin, lifting a shaky arm and pulling him down into a kiss.

"thank you for taking care of me," he said in a whisper, eyes glancing between his two boyfriends.

"you're welcome, sungie. we always will," chan answered for the both of them, and he stood up to get a cloth to clean them up with.

when he returned, changbin and jisung were laying side by side, content in the silence and each other. chan hastily whiped away the cum on jisung, between his thighs, and his own lubed cock.

he dressed in boxers and sweatpants, handing changbin his own and dressing jisung. the youngest always willing to be pampered after sex.

"did you bring home food?" jisung finally spoke up when his breathing was controlled, when he could finally collect his thoughts.

chan hummed, smiled, "your favorite."