“And that’s how I got them to renounce the Sith and become Grays with me.” Obi-Wan smiled brightly, as if the story he had just related was normal and reasonable and fine, just fine, everything was fine.
The Jedi council stared at Obi-Wan through the comm link. Yoda was trying not to laugh.
Vader (who had PROMISED to stay quiet, it was the condition of him being allowed to stay in the room) leaned over his shoulder and said “Are you explaining how you weaponized sex to fight evil?”
Obi-Wan rubbed his forehead. “I am just about over the slut shaming, Vader.”
“I’m not shaming you! You should be PROUD! The power of your ass turned our souls to the light!”
Obi-Wan punched a button and muted his side of the conversation. “Do you mind? I’m talking to — well you know very well who I’m talking to, that’s WHY you’re doing this. Get lost.”
“Obi-Wan,” Yoda called, “Obi-Wan! Hear we cannot.” He didn’t even try to hide his laughter.
“I’ll be good,” Vader said, and backed away.
Obi-Wan scowled, turned back to the screen, and unmuted. “So. I wrote up a treatise on the Gray bonds. If you want to have some of the Jedi look at the bonds in the Force, I think I could convince Serenus and Vader to allow it. For academic purposes.”
Vader, grinning and out of view of the camera, said over their bond, ‘They should examine your sexiness for academic purposes.’ Obi-Wan studiously ignored him.
“What is your intention going forward, Kenobi?” Windu said, leaning forward on his knees. “What role can three Force bound Grays play in the grand scheme of things?”
“I admit that I don’t know. That is part of what we are figuring out. But in the event there are injustices that the council cannot fight, because their hands are tied …” He shrugged, all mock innocence. “I can see how that information might make its way to us."
"Like the rumors we've heard of three Force users with lightsabers liberating a fleet of slaves on the Outer Rim? Or how the richest Canto Bight casino owner was suddenly motivated to donate a huge chunk of his wealth to an Alderaanian orphanage? Or the destruction of the Hutt drug shipment near Naboo? Or the destruction of the terrorist base on Mandalore?"
"That last one was not us," Obi-Wan said.
"Useful it would be, knowing powerful free agents," Yoda observed.
"I guarantee nothing," Windu said.
"Nor do I, Master Windu." Obi-Wan leaned his chin on his hand. "But I have a copy of 'The Vastness of Being' if you'd like to feel even less sure."
"Thank you, Kenobi, we have a library." He looked around the council room. "While I cannot say I am happy with having lost a Jedi knight, it sounds like it was a net win, given how few Sith there are in the galaxy. I'm going to count it as a win, anyway."
"A pity, it is," Yoda said, studying his gimer stick, "that recreated, your methods for turning cannot be."
He was pretty sure Yoda was kidding, but he answered him seriously. "I don't know that that's true, Master Yoda," Obi-Wan said. "Loving someone in spite of their flaws and mistakes, in spite of your own fear and anger, is difficult but not impossible. It's two -- uh, or in this case three -- people doing so at the same time, for each other, that makes us so improbable. I am convinced now it takes both the Light and the Dark to love, because love without passion is inert.”
Yoda's smile spread across his whole broad, green face. "Look forward to reading your writing, I do, Gray Kenobi. May the Force be with you. All of the Force. For all three of you."
Obi-Wan inclined his head. It was certainly more of a nod of respect from the grandmaster than he had ever expected. "Thank you, Master Yoda. I'll be in touch." He switched off the comm and looked over the screen at Vader with a huff. "Was that necessary?"
"Oh. It was super necessary. You'd have spent all day discussing Force philosophy if I hadn't needled you into speeding it up."
"You're not wrong. You're just an asshole."
"You ADORE my asshole." Vader came around to loop his arms around Obi-Wan, and brushed their minds against each other. Obi-Wan remembered sharply that Serenus had done the same thing to him when he had first boarded the ship, but from Vader, the gesture was affectionate and kind, with none of the presumption and possessiveness. He reflected that Serenus had not done it again since Obi-Wan had told him not to. Maybe the time had come to let go of that boundary. Vader hummed and kissed his ear, breaking into his thoughts. "You were going to teach me how to suck cock today. Remember? Since Serenus is off doing some meditation-on-the-mountain thing?"
"Of course I remember. I will teach you, as my master taught me."
Vader stood up. "Ugh, that still weirds me out a little. I'll get over it, but it's like sharing a lover with my dad."
Obi-Wan stood up. "Lucky for you, none of us have fathers, what would we know about them?" He pulled Vader in for a kiss, and it turned long and soft. Finally he broke away, unable to stop smiling. "Come on then, Skywalker. I do so love being your teacher."