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I'm in your heart

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"You said that we'd be forever
How could you kill me and lie to my face
Now that we can't be together
There's just no hope for our final embrace
So here we are, I'm in your head
I'm in your heart"

 


 

“SEBASTIAN! A little less noisy please!” Robin demanded in front of his rooms door. She had knocked furiously but had noticed the door was locked.
Hesitantly Sebastian turned his rock music a tad down.
“A bit mooore.” he heard his mother who still seemed to stand in front of his door.
He rolled his eyes and shut it down completely by plugging his headset in to listen through them.
“I’m preparing dinner, come up in an hour.” was the last thing he heard before he got lost in the wild guitar rhythms in his ears.

Sebastian opened his last programming file and started working, trying to focus on anything but that awful feeling in his gut that kept creeping back there whenever he thought about last week's event. 

Breakups were never easy. At least when he was the one that got dumped.
Not that this had happened that often yet but damn he was freaking sad and angry and he gladly took everything that got his mind off at the moment. He still hadn’t told his best friends Sam nor Abigail who both had already spammed him with messages why he didn’t come to their weekly pool evening at the Stardrop bar yesterday. 

Sam: Hey, were already at the bar. Where are you?

Abby: We’re waiting!

Sam: Bro?

Bas: I feel sick & rather stay home. I’ll make up for it sometime later k?

Abby: OK. Get well soon Sebby :*

Bas: Yeah

He still had a private message from Abigail but he left her intentionally on unread. 

Are you really okay? I’m here for you, you know dat.

Abigail was a smart girl. She could always see right through him; of course she’d sense there was more that him just being sick. Though Sebastian really felt sick to some degree.

The hour his mother had proposed run by and Sebastian forced himself upstairs.
“You look like shit.” was the first thing Maru said when he took a seat at the dinner table. “Well thanks for…”
His stepfather coughed slightly to stop him from saying anything possibly mean back to his sister. Sebastian gave him an annoyed look but when he actually looked into Demetrius’ face he didn’t find anger but a concerned expression.
“You look a bit distressed. Are you okay, Sebastian?”
“I’m feeling like I might get a cold.” he lied. Demetrius was the last person he wanted to talk to about his broken heart.
“No wonder. You shouldn’t go out this late to smoke. Or at least wear a jacket.” his mother advised while serving dinner.
“Hm.” was all Sebastian said. He quickly finished his plate and excused himself to go out for a smoke. Of course he didn’t take a jacket with him. His sweatshirt was warm enough for those few minutes outside. It was the end of winter, it hadn’t snowed in weeks and he didn’t freese that easily anyways.

The rippling sound of the lake only a few minutes away from his home was soothing. The cigarette he held in his hand while sitting on a rock next to the shore was even more calming. Most of the time Sebastian wanted to leave this little town called Pelican, his heart called for the busy city, yet on days like this, he was so glad his mother had managed to settle down on the mountain, far from anything else. 

When he was a kid he had played with Maru in the woods or near the train tracks. His mother was furious when she found out he was walking on the tracks and had forbidden him from going without an adult. Sometimes they had swam in the lake. Abigail still swore she could feel some kind of magic up here but everyone told her she was silly as always. Sebastian still loved how imaginative his friend could be at times. Swimming wasn’t really his thing anymore. 

In general, socializing, going out, social events in the town, all these seemed draining most of the time. He still went playing pool with his friends or they’d occasionally play some Solarian Chronicles in his basement. He’d go into the forest with Sam to secretly smoke a joint or hit the bong his mom still thought was a decorative vase.

Only 26 years old and Sebastian already felt like having a midlife crisis most of the time.
The break up with Chloe was just another setback.

He kicked a hole into the loose dirt beneath his shoes and threw his finished cigarette into the hole before closing it, making sure he’d set nothing on fire. He stayed a bit longer, watching as the reflection of the moon wandered over the lake.

Sighing he pulled his phone out of his jeans pocket; the unread message from Abby still waiting for him.

Bas: Are you free to talk tomorrow?

Abby: Ofc Bas. I’ll come by at noon.