Sometimes Makoto overthink things. Haru knew that. He may not be as good as Makoto when it came to reading his mind but Haru was sure something was bothering the brunet. They have been together long enough to know the way of thinking of the other.
Makoto was walking beside Haru, his brows closely knitted and his slightly narrowed eyes staring in space; he was definitely brooding over something. Makoto looked like his usual self all day. Nobody could tell that there was something wrong with him. Everyone was deceived. Except Haru. Makoto could try and fool the whole world with his smiling face but not Haru. Never Haru.
Makoto was quite distant these past few days. No, not physically away. He still came by this morning to fetch Haru. They eat with their friends at lunch, go to practice, and walk home together. Still, why did Makoto feel like he was miles away from him?
The thought of Makoto going further away from the raven-haired depresses him. Like what the taller guy said, things were not as fun as they should be if they do not do it together. Haru wanted to reach out and asked the brunet what was wrong. He couldn’t just stand there and let those emerald eyes be full of sadness.
A couple, wearing the uniform of Iwatobi High, was walking in front of them. They were holding hands until the girl clung to her boyfriend’s arm, giggling. The pair kept on whispering and flirting with each other. Watching the two was enough to make Haru uncomfortable. It was none of his business but he was the one getting embarrassed. There was a place and time for this. Surely, he was not the only one feeling like that, right?
He glanced on his side expecting to see Makoto getting flustered watching the scene. But what Haru saw made his chest tightened.
“Makoto?” Haru called out. Makoto had stopped walking and a few steps behind. He did not seem to hear Haru. Makoto was still in his own world, looking at his right hand.
Haru could have sworn he heard something breaking at the sight of Makoto as he gazed at the other couple. Haru could not explain what exactly was it but he was sure there was longing reflected in Makoto’s eyes. He wanted to grab the right hand and warm them with his own. But first, he had to hear Makoto’s side before comforting the brunet. If he does it now with half-baked feelings, he would hurt him more. More gaps in their relationship would be the last thing Haru needed.
They arrived at his house before Haru could think of the perfect way to ask. How do other people ask at this moment? What if he confronted Makoto and the other denied this? What should he do?
Makoto turned to leave, leaving Haru in a state of panic. He grabbed the hem of Makoto’s shirt hoping it could prevent him from leaving. Haru succeeded as the brown-haired guy stopped from walking, giving him a questioning look. The raven-haired gulped and braced himself.
“…Is there something bothering you?” Haru looked straight in those emerald orbs, seeking the truth. Makoto was surprised but did not answer. Haru waited. Anxiety gnawed his insides as he waited. “And don’t lie to me Makoto. I know you long enough to know that something’s bothering you.”
After a few minutes of hesitation, Makoto said, “Say, Haru, what do you think of us breaking up?”
Haru was too stunned to answer as if a bombed was thrown to his face. The guy before him could not have been joking, no. His eyes were dead serious yet there was a tinge of pain reflected in them. Haru could not understand that nor why was Makoto breaking up with him.
“I love you Haru and I’ll content myself to stay beside you as friends. If--,” his voice broke a bit. “If you don’t want this to continue, I let you go. It’s just that I don’t want you to push yourself being in this relationship.”
“What… are you even saying?” He had not gotten over his initial shock yet Makoto kept on saying things he could not fathom. There was so much he did not understand, making him dizzy. It was not helping how the other guy looked vulnerable and broken while saying them.
“I mean, ever since we started dating it doesn’t feel any different from when we were friends. We didn’t even act like lovers when together – ah! But, uhm, it’s not like I’m asking you to act like normal couples. But you know…” Makoto continued to blabber things trying so hard to explain what he had to say.
Haru kept his mouth shut and think. He tried racking his brain to comprehend for what was happening. But he already felt numb and cold the moment Makoto mentioned of them breaking up.
“I feel like I’m burdening you with my feelings. I don’t want you to feel obligated. Give me a few days, and I’ll be fine.” Makoto smiled.
And then he left.
Haru stood there with his muddled thoughts, unable to find the strength to move from his place.
For the next few days, they did not talk. Both of them gave the other some space. Or perhaps they were just afraid to make the first move. Maybe both. Their classmates and friends soon noticed and inquired of what happened. Makoto brushed them off easily.
Haru spent most of the time watching Makoto. He had come to a lot of realizations on that limited time. His days were a lot quieter without the brunet but at the same time lonely. The silence was drowning him. He could not bear it any longer
They have finished their training and everyone was preparing to walk home. Gathering all his courage, Haru approached Makoto who was in the middle of changing clothes in their locker room. All the eyes of the remaining three were fixed on Haru but he paid no mind. He would settle everything today.
“Makoto,” he called out and watched as those firm shoulders jolted in surprise. “Let’s go home together.”
Makoto turned, eyes wide in shock. The guy managed a weak nod before turning his back again. Haru caught a glimpse of blush on the other’s cheeks. He waited on the side until the brunet was ready to go.
They walked in awkward silence. Neither wanted to break it and start the conversation. When they got to a less populated place, he held Makoto’s hand and drew them closer. He felt the body beside him froze and stare at him in awe. He replied in a cool gaze. If he only knew that Makoto was adorable when blushing, he should have done this sooner.
Still holding hands, he stirred the other guy into the direction of the sea. They were the only ones in the area. Even the houses and shops were quite far from there. When he found a perfect spot, Haru dropped his bag and sat on the sand still holding Makoto’s hand. Makoto had no choice but to do the same. Once they were settled, his head leaned on his boyfriend’s shoulder, much to the other’s surprise.
“H-haru,” Makoto said, his voice quivering.
“I’m sorry,” he said, eyes never leaving the sea. “I never noticed anything. You have given me so much and I brought you insecurities in return.”
He heard Makoto sigh, releasing the tension he had been holding in. Makoto’s silence seemed to urge Haru to continue.
“You are a great person,” he tore his gaze from the sea to peer at Makoto’s face. “You are a good older brother, friend, swimmer, club president, and anything in between. Above all, you are the greatest boyfriend.”
Makoto gaped at him. Those emerald orbs reflected Haru and only Haru. All these years, it had always been him. He would not want anyone else to be in there. Took him long enough to notice that.
“…I love you. That goes without saying that I’m not breaking up with you. Don’t ever bring that up again.”
Steam came out of Makoto’s ears and his face became a big mass of scarlet. Haru enjoyed seeing these reactions. He leaned on him again, keeping his shoulder from shaking. His poor boyfriend had not recovered from his confession yet. Meanwhile, Haru found a new hobby; that is, teasing his adorkable boyfriend.