The light was barely filtering through the curtain when Jack woke. One of the drawbacks of being such a seasoned soldier. It didn't matter what day it was or what was going on, or even what planet he was on, he just woke up at a certain hour which is annoying when Earth time and alien planet time doesn't coincide.
Jack quietly opened the bed curtain and scanned his things and the room for any kind of tampering. Then he spotted 'them'.
Over against the far wall were too curled up figures, sleeping on cushion. Jack rose and went to investigate. He found Daniel lying on his side cuddling a small child in his arms. Her head was tucked under his chin and his arms encircled her in a protective embrace.
Jack stared. He had never seen Daniel like this. It was odd and strangely endearing. He looked so childlike himself when he was sleeping but somehow he had taken on fatherly qualities just by holding this child in his arms.
Daniel stirred and Jack found sleepy blue eyes staring up at him.
'Good morning.' Daniel whispered. 'Are you alright, do you need something?'
'No I was just watching you sleep.' He blushed a little and then continued in the hushed tones. 'By the way, why are you sleeping on the floor and why is she in bed with you?'
Daniel snickered. 'Don't make it sound so perverse Jack. This is my servant Achelois. She had a bad dream last night. And the reason we are on the floor is because I am attending to you and must make myself available.'
'Wait backup. She's your servant?'
'I thought you were a servant'
'No I'm a slave…As a matter of fact I'm THE slave…the next step up from slave in this household would be Aphidemas himself.'
'So what's the difference?'
'Well, the slaves are usually more intelligent…they are given the responsibility of teaching all the servants what they know. Slaves have servants, and then of course there's…the sex.'
Jacks face screwed up a little. 'Don't tell me you…' he pointed between Daniel and Achelois.
'Jack! God NO! She's much too young in the first place. Besides the women aren’t generally as sexually active as the men…for obvious reasons. No Jack, ewwww….' He laughed at the relief on Jack's face. 'The slaves are the only ones expected to tend to ALL of their masters needs.'
Jacks face fell once again and a line of worry creased his face.
'What's wrong Jack?'
'I…I don't know.'
Daniel gently disentangled himself from Achelois. Jack had gone back to sit on the bed. Daniel joined him.
'I think I know you well enough to figure at least some of this out.'
'K, go ahead.' He said, basically relived to have the heat taken off him.
'Alright…uh…you DO miss me. And I know you DO still love me.' He rubbed his thumb over Jacks knuckles and was rewarded with a smile and an offered hand. 'And I STILL love YOU.'
Daniel could feel the tension begin to lessen in his partners' body already…So much so he tried to speak.
'I've been talking a lot lately, so I'm gonna try this out.'
'Okay so…I lied to you when we were talking last night. I haven't found anyone else. I'm lost without you. Carter comes over a lot and has been teaching me how to talk about stuff.'
'Why did you lie to me Jack?'
'Because…I saw you…with him and I didn't want to…I don't know. You're so much calmer here. This place was apparently very good for you and I didn't want to ruin it for you. You look happy…and that's all I could ever want for you.'
Daniels heart almost broke. 'Oh Jack. You could never ruin anything. YOU make me happier than anything. This place, I won't kid you…it's amazing! I AM much calmer. I really took to the structure and the slavery a whole lot more easily than I would have imagined. It creates a one mindedness effect I was never able to achieve on earth. Every small thing has some sort of joy in it…before the small things would be down out by the big picture.'
'But what about…?'
'Aphidemas?' Daniel took a deep breath and then let it out slowly. 'He will let me go, but it's going to be hard. I think he's fallen in love with me, but I don't feel that way about him. I respect him and all he's done here, and I may even feel some responsibility to him…but I don't love him. To me I'm just his slave and maybe even a very very good friend.'
He looked over at Jack who was still holding his hand. The floor was also seemingly very interesting.
'How are you handling this?' Daniel asked.
'I don't know. It's weird I know, but somehow it was easier when I thought you were in love with him.' He looked up at Daniel, the pain in his eyes readily apparent.
'Oh God Jack. I'm so sorry. You've got to believe me. I love you and have always loved you. What happened between Aphidemas and me…it was like…I don't know…comfort.' He took Jacks hand into both of his own. 'I missed you so much. I was really having a hard time filling that void and he was a good friend. I waited for so long, I didn't think I'd ever see you again. Not in my wildest dreams did I realize you might actually find me…I could have been anywhere, and I didn't have any way to give you even a single clue as to where to start looking.'
Daniel looked Jack in the eye with renewed fervor. 'Today we will attend the feast, I'll formally be given my freedom to go back to all of you…and then we can blow this popsicle stand and go home.'
'That easy huh?'
'Uh yeah right.' Somehow Jack didn't believe that. Nothing was ever THAT easy.
The feast was spectacular. Every single one of the servants and slaves attended. Some had families who also joined in the celebration. Jack would have enjoyed the food and general good will and happiness to all feeling if Daniel being a slave in the first place hadn't been the reason for the shindig.
'Jack?' Daniel approached him warily. 'What's wrong? You've hardly touched your food…that's really not like you. And you've barely said a word to anyone all night. You've even been ignoring me. I would have thought you'd be happier about me coming home.'
Jack just looked at him with exceedingly hopeful eyes. 'Are you really coming home Danny? I've waited, looked for you, dreamt about this day for so long. And now…there's something really wrong here Daniel. Why would he just give you back to me?'
'Because I asked him to.'
Sam was standing across the hall with Teal'c--trying to be sociable. She glanced over to see how her boys' conversation was going. She and Daniel had talked earlier. She'd told Daniel how torn up she'd watched Jack get. How he refused to leave the base unless under direct orders. General Hammond, after a briefing, had once even pointed at the door of the briefing room and said 'Jack, go home. Get the hell out of the mountain in ten minutes or I'll have you forcibly removed. That's and order.' If Jacks face hadn't contorted into such a look of betrayal it would have been somewhat humorous. She also told Daniel she knew about their relationship. He was slightly taken back by it at first but found out a moment later that he wasn't thrown by the fact that she knew so much as the fact that Jack had talked to her…about his feelings! They both laughed at that for a moment but it didn't last. Daniel knew Jack would be a mess and he needed to be there when it all fell apart.
Sam smiled when she saw Daniel raise a hand to cup Jacks face. Teal'c noticed her smile and followed he path of vision only to raise an eyebrow in contemplation of this new information about his teammates.
'Jack? What's wrong?' Daniel watched as the colonel was visible working in the background of Jacks mind.'
Jack softened under Daniels concerned gaze. 'it's nothing…I'm sure it's…'
'Jack.' Daniel reproved him. 'What is it?'
'It's just…something's not right here Daniel. I want to believe you're coming back to me but my gut says otherwise.'
Daniel grimaced. 'Well, it is my pleasure to inform you this time you really ARE wrong.'
But no sooner than Daniel had spoken the words then Jack's said gut feeling went on high alert. Daniel hesitated as he stepped forward, a wave of unsettling dizziness pulling him down.
'Whoa Danny.' Jack said gripping the other mans arms in a protective and secure grip. 'What’s wrong?'
'I…I don't know Jack…everything's all fuzzy and far away. I'm gonna pass out.'
Jack carefully helped Daniel to the floor. 'It's alright Daniel, I've got you. Don't worry, don't worry Danny I've got you.'
'What's up Jan?'
'Funny you should ask that particular question Jack. What's up is just about everything. Daniels dopamine levels are sky high, indicating mental trauma of some kind, his brain activity has increased since he became unconscious, which is abnormal, and his hormone levels are all altered as well. What the hell were they doing to him Jack?' Janet had barely taken a breath through the duration of her speech. Her concern was more than a great bedside manner, or doctor/patient compassion. Daniel was her friend and she was ill herself with worry for him.
To the surprise of Janet, and frankly himself, Jack stood up from the chair he'd been sitting in and grabbed the petite woman for a hug. Once the shock wore off the both relaxed into the embrace.
Jack whispered, hoarse with emotion, 'I don't know Jan, but if there's anyone who can help him I know it's you.'
A short clearing of someone's throat brought both of their heads up.
'Oh, geez general. I'm sorry sir I was uh…'
'You were doing what we all wish we had the guts to do son.' Hammond explained. 'You were comforting and showing support to your people, your friend, in any way you can. Besides,' he added with a wry grin, 'it takes a special and confident man to get his arms around that ball of sass!'
Jack and Janet smiled; the General was a great commander, and an even better friend. They were glad he understood.
'Doctor. How is Doctor Jackson?'
'Not good sir. That's what I was telling the Colonel when…' She let her voice trail a little.
'To tell you the truth General, I'm not sure how to help him. His increased dopamine levels, heart rate, respiration, and brain activity all seem to point to psychological tampering. Except for a few minor abrasions along his shoulders and the backs of his thighs there is no evidence of physical trauma…not even a blister or paper cut.' She took a deep solemn breath. 'Even the marks on his shoulders and thighs don't seem to be anything more than chaffing, probably from clothes that didn't fit correctly or a repeated motion like when you get a callus on your hand from writing all the time. These people either treated him extremely well or are very good at covering up their mistreatment.'
Hammond thought about what Fraiser had said for a moment--turning it over in his mind. On one hand he wanted to follow protocol and call Dr. Mackenzie immediately after Daniel woke up. On the other hand he respected Daniel's abject dislike of the man and the understandable resulting mistrust of the profession. 'Are there any indications of what kind of psychological trauma we're looking at here?'
'No sir. We won't know until he wakes up…until then we just have to wait and see. And as much as I hate to admit it, after he recovers a bit I'm afraid I'll have to suggest at least a preliminary psychological examination.'
All three cringed.
'Very well Doctor, keep me posted.'
Janet picked up Daniels' charts from the end of his bed and took his vitals once more.
Jack sat in the chair next to Daniel again, scrooching around uncomfortably. 'So what do you think we can expect?'
Janet's eyes met Jacks. She could see the desperation there, the love and hope that his last shot at happiness would finally be within reach again. It wasn't a surprise to her. She'd known about their relationship almost from day one. Being their primary physician had more perks than the occasional fodder for her off-duty fantasies //Hey, she was only human after all!// No, more than that, was the chance to get to know them in a whole new light. They'd never told her and she'd never let on she knew. It just never seemed the right time. But now, she felt as if Jack needed a guiding hand, an unexpected friend from the ranks. Hopefully it wouldn't be too much of a shock for him…
Her eyes regarded him softly. 'Jack, we won't know until you take him home.'
She watched the thumb that was softly stroking Daniels knuckles falter. His large brown eyes traveled up slowly to meet hers. She waited for a reaction. The corner of her mouth, although she willed it not to, slowly crept up in a knowing kind of smirk. When still no reaction came she worried she'd managed to completely overload his systems. That was until…
'Oh fer cryin' out loud!' He mumbled into his hands. 'How did YOU find figure it out! Does the whole fuckin' base know?'
Janet came to crouch beside his chair. 'Well it wasn't easy if that's what you're worried about. You were both very careful…especially prior to pre-mission physicals.' She wiggled her eyebrows a bit to lighten the mood.
'Why Jack…you're blushing!' She teased theatrically. 'I've been your doctor for how many years now, poking and prodding…and you don't think I'd notice when repeatedly on the same day both of you…'
'Jan! I get the point.'
She laughed. But soon the seriousness of the situation set in again. She put a hand on his knee to balance herself as she stood. 'Jack, I really don't know what's going to happen, but I can almost guarantee a full psych evaluation before it's all over and done with. Just be there for him, he's one of the most resilient people I've ever met, and with you by his side, how can he fail? She laid a hand on his shoulder in comfort and friendship.
'Thanks Janet.' Jack whispered as he resumed his gentle hold on Daniels hand.
Jack pulled another bottle of beer and an orange juice from the fridge before returning to his living room. The whole team was there celebrating Daniels return and good physical and emotional health.
'Here's to Daniel,' Carter raised her glass, 'He's harder to kill than a dandelion and twice as pretty!'
Jack, Daniel and Teal'c exchanged humorous glances with one another. Carter had already had too much to drink and the night was still young. Teal'c was definitely driving her home tonight instead of the other way around.
'DanielJackson I am glad to see you return to the SGC.'
'Yeah, we weren't sure if we were going to get you back, and to have you now, back safe and sound, relatively unscathed…it seems almost too good to be true.'
Daniel nodded. 'I know what you mean. Seems like I got off easy on this one…didn't die this time, not even once! But hey, I'm back. Maybe not for off world missions…those will be a while yet, but I've been cleared to work a desk again. Never thought I'd be happy about that, but I am.'
'We're all glad to have you back Danny. No matter whether you're behind a desk or out on the front lines. We missed you and are overjoyed we got you back in one piece.' Jack smiled up at Daniel.
'Thanks guys. It's really a lot to take in. I don't remember most of what went on. It was like the longer I was here it all just melted away like some kind of dream. I'd really just like to spend some time with my friends.' There was a short pause of amicable silence between them.
'How about we spend some of our downtime together? The general gave us a few days so why don't we have one of our team parties just like old time? We'll invite Jan of course.'
'Sounds good Daniel' Jack and Sam said almost in stereo.'
'I desire only what you desire DanielJackson.' Teal'c intoned respectfully.
Daniel winced and absently rubbed the back of his neck.
'Daniel? You okay?'
Daniel only nodded, but that was enough for Jack and the others. He was probably just getting used to being stable and on two feet again they figured.
'Well Sir, I think it's about time for me to get home,' Carter said. 'But first…I need to visit the ladies room.' She stood and walked toward the bathroom, only slightly off balance.
Jack went into the kitchen to deposit the empty bottles from his hands. He heard something strange coming from the living room so he quickly rinsed off his hands under the faucet and returned to the scene of the noise. He'd just entered the room in time to see Daniel coming to kneel in front of Teal'c who was still sitting in the armchair where he'd been when Jack left.
'DanielJackson, do you require something?'
Jack walked over to the two men cautiously. 'Daniel, watcha doin'?'
Daniel simply ignored their comments and stared blankly at the space of empty floor between Teal's feet.
Teal'c and Jack, now also accompanied by Sam exchanged odd and inquiring glances.
'Daniel?' Sam tried kneeling down to his level.
Daniel pulled the hem of his t-shirt over his head with aching slowness…muscles rippling everywhere in the process. With unfocussed eyes he shifted forward and toed off his shoes and unfastened his pants as he came to kneel again with his knees spread wide.
The sound of Daniels fly coming down tooth by tooth was almost a deafening roar over the stark silence that had descended over the whole group.
'DanielJackson.' Teal'c boomed. 'I do not know the reasons for this, but I am most confused and as a friend must ask you to stop.'
When Daniel did in fact not stop, but proceeded to thrust his right hand into his pants, Sam gasped. 'Oh my God.' From somewhere behind Jacks left shoulder.
Jack had had about as much as he could take. He had to stop this now. 'Daniel!' Jack grabbed the kneeling man by the shoulder.
'Yes, do it.' Daniel moaned breathlessly.
From his position in the chair Teal'c leaned forward slightly to stare into the blue untrained gaze. 'Do what my friend?'
Daniel moaned again while completely undoing his flies and thrusting his hips slightly forward.
The rocking form on the floor continued to stroke himself and mutter. 'Do it, do it, do it.' He seemed to increase his actions every time any of them would touch him or speak to him.
'I won't come, I won't come, I promise' his voice broke in frustration, 'I promise I won't come.'
That's all he would say, over and over again until Jack finally broke out of his panic.
'Daniel! Daniel, you've got to snap out of this.'
'O'Neil, perhaps MajorCarter and I should leave. Our presence only seems to exasperate the situation.'
Jack was lost in what the hell he was supposed to be thinking. He didn't know what to do...he wasn't a psychologist. No, but…a light suddenly dawned in his mind. He had dealt with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder before. And if Jack was right, this seemed like a classic case. Daniel didn't remember much of anything about his life on that planet, but Jack had a feeling his subconscious did. He had to help Daniel through any demons that might be surfacing up to his conscious mind.
'Yeah Teal'c, that's probably a good idea. If he remembers any of this in the morning he'll be extremely embarrassed if it gets any worse and you two were here. I'll give you both a call later if I can't calm him down I'll give Fraiser a ring.
'Very well O'Neil.' Teal'c bowed his slightly and motioned for Sam to go ahead of him.
With the others gone Daniel seemed to calm down a little. He was still muttering softly and rocking his hips against his hand but he'd calmed considerably since the other had left.
Jack approached Daniel carefully again while trying to ignore what the man was actually doing on his living room floor.
'Daniel, I think it would be a good idea if you went to bed.'
'Bed' he said with such an even tone that it gave Jack chills that seemed to shoot straight from Daniel's glazed eyes through the air and straight through his own, down his back.
'Yeah Danny. Follow me.'
Jack led the way up to the stairs, turning every so often to make sure Daniel was still trailing him. When they arrived in the bedroom, Daniel stood stalk still, facing straight ahead.
He didn't answer or move or even blink. Such a strange shell of what Daniel usually was.
'Daniel, why don't you take the rest of your clothes off and get into bed? I think we could use a bit of sleep.' He tried to use soothing tones.
Jack watched as Daniel turned toward him and locked fiery eyes with his own worried pools of brown. Daniel continued to remove his clothes in a sinewy display of obedience. Eye contact was broken momentarily as Daniel's eyes fluttered closed at the feeling of cloth brushing his groin.
Once he was gloriously naked he once again resumed standing there in front of Jack, panting and clenching his fists with restraint. Jack unconsciously looked Daniel over. Just as Janet had said there weren't any marks on him. No traces he'd been tortured or mistreated in any way. For weeks now Daniel had been home…normal. And now…? Now, something had finally surfaced. He was having some kind of flashback and Jack had no fucking clue how to help him.
He let his eyes graze over Daniel's flushed face. Slowly the gaze trailed down the young man's throat, collarbone, concentrating on the indentation between the well defined pectoral muscles. Daniel threw his head back suddenly in frustration and his cock twitched as if Jack was physically touching him with his vision.
'Jesus Danny.' Jack was amazed by how hard Daniel was.
'Do it.' Daniel whispered, looking at him with pleading eyes. 'Do it.'
'Danny I don't know what you want me to do. I want to help but I'm out of my depth here. Please just tell me how to help. Tell me what you want.'
Without even enough time for Jack to react, Daniel reached out and grabbed a fistful of Jacks shirt and drug hi along toward the bed. Daniel backed up until his knees touched the edge. In one fluid motion he shifted his weight until they fell. As Jacks weight descended on him Daniel arched his back and moaned out his joy at their more horizontal positioning.
All evidence was pointing to //fuck me Jack, fuck me NOW// but Jack wasn't sure if that was such a good idea. Not that he didn't want o, not that this sensual animal beneath him didn't turn him on. Actually, that was the thing. This WAS turning him on, big time, and somehow that just wasn't right. Something was very very wrong in Daniel's head and he needed to correct that before he did something to worsen the situation.
'Danny, DANNY look at me!' He said sitting up to straddle the other man's thighs. 'You've got to tell me where you are. You've got to tell me what to do to help you out of there.'
Jack pleaded with Daniel who was now writhing in agonized pleasure below him. Nothing seemed to get through to Daniel but touch. Words were not working, but touch only helped to arouse Daniel into an even more heartbreaking state.
He'd begun muttering again…over and over and over again the same passionate mantra. 'Do it, do it, do it…I won't come, I promise…do it.' While he clenched his fists in the bed sheets, clearly yearning to touch himself, but restraining for some reason.
Tentatively Jack gave in. Maybe giving Daniel some relief would help him think more clearly…be able to communicate better? He didn't know but there was nothing else he felt he could do. He slid his hand up over Daniel's hip. Jack watched as Daniels eyes rolled back into his head and lid fluttered closed. The prone man teased his bottom lip between his teeth in concentration. Jack carefully guided to Daniel's leaking shaft.
'NOOOO!' Daniels horrific scream shook and he drew his hand back with a jerk, as if he'd touched something scalding hot.
Tears threatened to fall from Jack's eyes. What was he supposed to do?
Daniel began chanting with abandon now. 'Do it, do it, do it. DO IT!' His head thrashing back and forth across the pillow in agony.
And Jack…Jack had reached the end of his rope. He didn't want to do it but it was the only thing left he hadn't tried. It hurt him to think about it but it was all he had left.
The loud 'THWAP!' barely registered in Jack's ears as he slapped Daniel hard across the face…it's sound having been overcome and consumed by Daniels immediate scream of release, and the shock to Jack as the man underneath him came with incredible force.
In the split second before Daniel blacked out from the intensity of his orgasm he looked at Jack with tear-filled soulful eyes and whispered. 'I'm sorry Master.'
Jacks mind slowly began to filter through the white noise of his silent disturbing dreams. It led him higher and higher into a weightlessness of sensation. One by one his senses began to connect with the real world, each cataloguing what he was feeling at this subconscious level.
He opened and blinked his eyes rapidly at first, adjusting to the lightness of the room against the white sheets. A small round bulge beneath the covers made him smile sedately. Then, he realized, that small round bulge was connected to a neck and one long and lean frame.
Jack grinned, content to allow Daniel to work up his firm body, stopping to caress each sensitive spot with his tongue or teeth. It was so perfect, so like Daniel, the way it was before…
A sudden halt in Jacks mind had him remembering the events of the night before…the months, weeks, and day that led to those events. This should not be happening right now no matter how much he enjoyed it. Daniel needed to work through this not pretend it never happened.
Daniels head came out from under the top edge of the sheet, having completed his trek. The angelic smile that greeted Jack broke his heart. It was so like what it used to be like.
'Good morning Jack.'
'So ah…' Daniel paused to nuzzle is nose to Jacks collarbone. 'Want breakfast or do you just want to skip to dessert?'
'Daniel. I think we should talk first.'
The coldness in Daniels eyes at the mention of talking clued Jack in. Daniel didn't want to talk and that was usually a bad sign when it came to Daniel. Daniel consistently ALWAYS wanted to talk.
Daniel dropped his head to plant nips and kisses along the naked expanse of chest below him. 'What is there to talk about?'
'I think there's quite a lot to talk about. Starting with what the hell they did to you, and next on the list is what happened last night."
A short push of air tickled Jacks chest hair. 'I don't see what there is to talk about. We had sex…we do that a lot don't we? Or we used to anyway.'
'Sex? When during that episode last night did sex occur? Maybe my definition is a little different but I thought sex was somewhat a kin to making love where BOTH parties were getting something out of it." The tone of Jack's voice was dripping with sarcasm but he didn't care. Maybe getting Daniel mad would force this stuff out of him.
'Come on Jack, you and I both know I don't really remember any of what happened to me.' He was stalling, Jack could tell.
'You don't remember what happened last night do you?'
'Of course I remember!' He'd jumped to answer too quickly and knew it. 'Well some of it's a little hazy…' he continued. 'Alright, a lot of it…but…'
'Ah! No buts. You scared me Daniel. I didn't know what to do. You were like this sex crazed maniac and you kept mumbling the same two things over and over again.'
'What was I saying?'
Jack looked down at his clasped hands. He couldn't bear to lie to Daniel but he wasn't sure if he should tell him everything or not. The only thing Jack knew was that he'd be there for his lover if the words were too much for him. 'It was something like…do it do it, I won't come I promise, do it, do it.'
There was a long silence. Jack waited a moment and then looked up. Daniels face was white and a trembling was beginning in his lower lip. Their eyes met for a brief second before Daniel got up to pace back and forth across the room.
'Oh God' Daniel whispered. 'Oh God, oh God, oh God…' He continued his circuit around the room until his quaking legs couldn't carry him anymore. Collapsing beside the bed Daniel wrapped his arms around his knees and rocked while fighting the oncoming tears. The words and memories echoing inside his head like the forgotten touches and emotions that flooded through his protective superficial defenses.
Jack crawled across the bed and over the edge to sit on the floor behind Daniel just as the floodgates opened. He held Daniel close, burying his face between the other man's neck and shoulder.
'Fuck you.' Daniel sobbed. 'Fuck you , bastard. Why did you have to make me remember? Why? Why did I have to remember?"
Daniel sat at the kitchen table holding onto his coffee mug like a lifeline. He stared into the dark depths of his mug wondering how he was going to even begin to explain what it was like for him those years without Jack. 'I don't where to start.' He said in such a small voice, Jack wasn't sure if he'd heard anything at all.
'Take your time. As long as I know you're willing, that's a big step in the right direction.'
'No I need to get it out. You're right, now that I remember all of it I need to get it out…'
Daniel grinned at Jacks ability to read him. '…but I'm ashamed of how I acted. Whether under the influence of their mind games or not, I…I don't know how you'll forgive me.'
Jack moved to kneel at Daniels side. He lifted his lovers chin so that they were eye to eye. 'Danny, I love you, and nothing you did or will do will ever change that. I don't care if you were out of your mind or completely sane at the time, I'll always love you that will never change. I promise.'
If Jack had never said the words Daniel knew all he had to do is to look in his lovers face to know they were true. Jack didn't talk about feelings much but when he did it knocked you off your feet. This was one of those moments. Daniel leaned down and pressed a kiss to Jacks lips. Their hands slipped round each other for a tight hug and then Daniel was talking.
'They put me in a room. It was very, very dark, and cold. I could walk about 12 steps before I hit another wall. At first I got food and water but eventually those dwindled down too. I lost track of time because there was no way to know what time it was…but after a while they took me to a smaller room…only 10 steps then.'
Jack sat down on the floor next to Daniel even though he knew his knees would protest later. He just knew Daniel would need him close by to get through this.
'One day they blindfolded me and took me to this room that had really soft sand on the floor. I think it was probably some kind of auditorium because there were lots of people there…they never took my blindfold off but I could hear them. That's when the torture started…'
Jack sat next on the edge of the bed and stroked Daniel's hair gently. The poor boy was tuckered out, mentally, emotionally, and physically. He'd spent four hours telling Jack all the things that had been done to him, while an alien drug administered to him in the food had brainwashed him into thinking they were all dreams and that everything was a happy wonderful walk in the park.
Daniel spoke of sexual abuse that Jack wasn't sure he could bear to listen to, but he knew he had to let Daniel get it out or he might hold the festering filth inside him forever. How could Daniel have endured it he wondered? After all he's been through how could he go through any more of this shit and come back kicking?
Jack sat back on the couch in the living room and thought about all his lover had told him.
//They touched me…so many hands, seeking and wanting. I had no where to go, I was secured tightly, the pain in my wrists and ankles were my only link to reality. I didn't realize I had a masochistic bone in my body, but if it hadn't been for that I would have slipped totally into the psychosis of need. I can't tell you Jack how much my subconscious loved what they were doing. It had been so long since I had been touched, but it wasn't right, it wasn't you. //
God damn! Jack slammed his fist into the pliable cushions of the couch. Why am I always somewhere else when Daniel needs me? Why can't I be the one that shit happens to instead of Danny?
// I learned very quickly what they wanted from me. Every time I disobeyed, struggled, or made a noise they'd put me in a smaller room. At one point I was in a room that was so small I couldn't crouch down or lean. I was continuously standing…I don't know how long I was in that room but I knew I couldn't go back. I'd do anything not to go back there. //
Jacks thoughts drifted and he soon found himself in those places Daniel had so painstakingly described to him. He was in the crowd, watching as the countless pairs of hands caressed and fondled his lovers' body. He watched as Daniel, blindfolded and manipulated beyond comprehension arched into each of their touches, desperately searching out something real.
Menacingly, a strong man without a face walked up between his captives bound and spread legs. He leaned over the prone man to pour some sort of dark liquid down Daniels throat. Daniel didn't resist, learning long ago that resistance would only bring him closer to death, and he had to stay alive so Jack could find him.
'I desire only what you desire' the man whispered into Daniels' ear. 'I desire only what you desire.' He said just a little bit louder. Over and over again he said those words as if trying to spellbind his captive with them.
Soon the crowd began to chant those same words. The roar of the crowd began to overpower even the grunts and moans of the two men. Love was nowhere to be found in their actions as the faceless predator took Daniels body.
Daniel moaned, and writhed, clearly fighting to put on a good show even though what was happening disgusted him deep down inside…anything so that he would live one more day, one more day with his self proclaimed 'master' so that his real 'master' could find him and bring him home.
But somewhere in the darkness he heard a voice…a voice so familiar, Jacks voice whispering the repeated mantra…'only what you desire Daniel…I desire only what you desire.'
Something inside him broke; the last tie inside that kept him hoping for the chance to be away from here was manipulated into a dizzying event of defeat. Jacks memory grayed with the fading roar in his ears. Jack wasn't coming, he was already here and allowing this to happen. Maybe he should too; he should obey what Jack wanted for him.
Jack yelled out in surprise as he rolled off the couch, now completely awake from his dream. The disturbing images Daniel had told him insinuated themselves inside his mind and wouldn't let go.
Daniel had explained that he'd given in because he thought that's what Jack had wanted him to do…but also that he'd done it many times since each night the drug was given to him he'd forget everything that had happened. It was as if the drug and the mind controlling properties preyed on his worst fears, and greatest hopes, molding them into a huge bundle and smashing them all to pieces at once, leaving Daniel effectively pliable and unsure as to what to do next.
Jack wasn't sure what to do next either.
A shiver went through Jacks body, just an unnerving shake at the things he'd heard, seen, and felt tonight. He climbed the stairs and got undressed for bed, waiting a moment to watch the slow in rise and fall of Daniel's chest before climbing under the covers and holding the other man close--assurance that Daniel was real, and alive, and back in his life once again.
The next few months were difficult for everyone. Daniel was in and out of medical care. Janet being his primary physician, as well as the psych-ward under the care of Dr. Merley, a new addition to Stargate Command and a very accomplished and understanding doctor.
As for the rest of the team…Jack tried to be the strong leader and lover that he was, while coming to terms with his own anger and fear of what had happened to not only a member of his team, but the most important person in his life. Carter showed her support anyway she could. The sibling bond between her and Daniel only grew stronger as she deliberately snuck in chocolate macadamia nut cookies into his room when no one was looking. Teal'c looked on in a Teal'c sort of way, always the strong, silent and supportive type, he invited Daniel to learn meditative methods that would help clear and focus his mind.
Doctors Fraiser and Merley made swift progress in determining ways to help Daniel through his memory loss and physical trauma, mostly due to Daniels cooperation. Among the things Dr. Fraiser was able to determine were the nature of the viscous liquid given to Daniel and its effects. She believed it was a form of waking hypnotic drug similar to those experimented on by the military not so many years ago. It left almost no trace in the bloodstream, but kept the individual extremely susceptible to suggestion and/or programmable to act out a desired set of preprogrammed variables based on a certain phrase, gesture or situation. Where the US military had never gotten this far in their experimentation, this civilization apparently had.
Currently Daniel was in the infirmary for what they all hoped was the last time…
'Jaaaaanet!' Daniel whined, 'Please, just let Jack take me home. You don't have to…OUCH!...poke me with anymore needles…hey! Stop that! Jack help!'
Jack walked through the door just in time to catch the look of amused panic on his lovers face as well as the patient, yet un-amused expression of his doctors'.
'Now Daniel, you know you have to get poked one more time…it's a tradition!'
'Masochists, you're all masochists." He mumbled.
Jack leaned in close to Daniels ear to whisper. 'Wada ya say…I'll be your whipping boy when we get home.'
Daniel snorted and took a short nip at Jacks earlobe. It had been so long since they'd been away from prying eyes. Even in the light of Daniels better, but still not great mental health they just couldn't wait to get their hands on each other at last.
'Boys, please…I don't need his blood pressure going through the roof again.'
Both blushed and looked like thoroughly chastised schoolboys just going through the motions so they could go outside in their Sunday best and play in the dirt again when the adults looked away.
'Alright,' Janet finished and taped a wad of gauze over the needle mark on Daniel's arm. 'You're free to go home. BUT…' She waved a latex gloved finger in front of both their faces. 'Please, take it easy…I know you're feeling better' she pointed at Daniel 'and you're horny and deprived' she pointed at Jack 'but I don’t want him back in here again for overdoing it. Do you both hear me?"
'Yes Ma'am' they chorused in unison.
'Alright, now get out of my infirmary.'
She'd barely gotten past 'get out' before she heard the swinging doors clatter against each other.
At home, they did TRY to take it easy…but the forced 'easiness' turned into a bout of long drawn out foreplay...
They sat on opposite ends of the couch, Jack reading the sports section of the news paper, and Daniel snuggling up to a new modern art book he'd bought.
Jack stretched out across the couch, as did Daniel. One foot came to rest in each others lap, while the other curled underneath in comfort. Slowly, Daniels' foot moved to gently push and stroke against the awakening bulge in the front of Jacks' jeans. Jacks foot, not wanting to leave anyone or anything out began to do the same. Both sets of eyes continued scanning the words on each page respectively, although not really reading them anymore.
Head down, and book forgotten Daniel let out a moan. 'Oh God...need to...upstairs."
Jack took no more prodding. Quickly he scooped Daniel up, ignoring the slight protest. He maneuvered them into the room dogging a few misplaced items of clothing on the floor and placed Daniel and himself on the bed gracelessly.
'Oof, sorry' He mumbled against Daniels neck.
Daniel laughed, this is exactly how he wanted it and who he wanted...Jack 'I can kill you in my sleep and no one would find your body or hear you scream, but I can't kiss without bumping noses' O'Neill.
"You have too many clothes on,' Daniel mustered up through his lust filled haze.
More than happy to comply, Jack stripped off his shirt and pants then helped Daniel with his. Their lovemaking was quick and without pretense. They'd been waiting, trapped in hospitals and offices, enduring the slow burn for months now, neither were in the mood or condition to draw it out any longer. They rubbed their bodies together furiously, trying to get under each others skin and mold themselves together permanently. One body, one mind, one soul and one love. Too soon they each howled out their release and lay sated in each others arms.
Daniel was the first to break the silence. 'You know you're the only reason I got through this.' It was more of a statement than a question. 'Even in my mind when you were telling me to give in to what they were doing I knew, somewhere in me that it wasn't you. I couldn't possibly submit to anyone else.'
Jack frowned at the word 'submit'. Was that what Daniel felt he was doing, being with him? 'Daniel, you were under some strong mind control...I mean that stuff made you do things that you wouldn't normally do. I know you don't like all that slave/master stuff.'
There was a long drawn out silence that made even Jack nervous. Daniel felt the body next to him tighten at the expanse of silence. 'I...Never mind Jack...I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.'
Sitting up, Jack took a moment to look into Daniels eyes. 'No, if you need to tell me something, anything, you can. You know that. You know I would never hate you or judge you for something you feel or need to say, so say it. I want to know what's going on in there.' He stroked a finger across Daniels forehead.
'Well, I was thinking about what Janet said about the different characteristics the drug has and I asked her specifically and Dr. Merley too about the hypnosis-like characteristics.' Daniel bit his lip nervously. 'Jack I don't know how to say this...I...the drugs couldn’t easily make me do anything that I didn't at least have a tiny little hint of wanting to do already somewhere in the back of my mind. We decided that the...uh...sexual submission was magnified by my already miniscule amount of desire for that sort of thing." He finished his speech and took a big breath, not having taken a breath since he started.
Jack looked at him confusedly for a moment until Daniel finally saw the light go on. 'You mean...you at least have a little desire to submit to someone else?'
Daniel nodded. 'I guess I've always known, it didn't surprise me when we worked it out in therapy one day. But I don't want you to think that I enjoyed what happened to me. It was all blown out of proportion by that damned drug. The stuff takes hold of the smallest thing and magnifies it into immense proportions.'
'Daniel you don't have to explain, I understand all of that. It's fine.'
'You mean you don't find it disgusting or weak or anything?'
'No, not at all...Actually I find it sort of admirable.'
Daniel cocked his head to the side.
'Yeah, you know what you want, you know how you want it, and you know you're strong enough to deal with that. I spent so much of my life hiding from the things that I wanted that at one point I couldn't even remember what those things were. I wasn't me anymore without my needs.'
'I didn't know what I wanted either until I met you. That's what I meant when I said you were what got me through all the delusions even though you weren't there. I just knew in the back of my mind that I couldn't be a slave to these people."
Jack lay back down beside Daniel and propped his head up with one hand. Daniel sat up facing Jack and drew him in for a slow kiss.
'Why is that and what did I have to do with it?' Jack asked.
'I knew I couldn't be a slave to those people because since the day I met you I've been a slave to your love.'
The words filled Jack up, full as he'd ever felt in his life. The pressure in his heart had nowhere to go but into his eyes. He held Daniel close and smiled kissing his forehead. 'I love you too.' He whispered as they curled around one another...safe, content, and together again.