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Better For It.

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Nothing ever really changes. Logan knew that from his increasingly annoyed presence on this earth. There was always a sinking feeling of dread that shadowed his existence, he was always in the dark truth of his mutant existence, and it was that war and death always unfairly targeted his kind. He could never get used to peace.


But, despite this Krakoa was still a beautiful place to be. The air was fresh all the time, the people were the ones he loved, and the beer was a lot cheaper and tastier on Xavier's coin. 


He had always loved nature, he loved the wilderness. It was always home to him, but it always felt like he had to pick between nature and being with the people that he loved, now he could have both. He wouldn't deny that at first he had laughed in Xavier's face When he had told him about a free mutant nation. It was absurd, idiotic and dangerous. They would be a target right in the middle of a bullseye. 


It was hard to believe in ideas and deeams of greatness and prosperity when darkness was a lot closer to your heart. 


Those ideas still floated at the back of his head, but it was easy to Let them go as Ororo stepped next to him. Her smile was beaming. 


"Are you getting some thinking done? I never saw you as the introspective type." She teased , before looking outwards at the vast flora and fauna that existed a few steps down from the habitat that Logan had built. 


“Living for a few hundred years gives you downtime. Thought I might use it to get some inspiration to create or somethin’, like Hank is always telling me to.” Logan turned his head slightly to face her. 


She had her silver-grey dreads pulled back into a high ponytail, probably due to the everlasting tropical weather. She ran a free hand through her ponytail, as if in an effort to cool herself off.  Both she and Logan were in something resembling civvies, rather than dressed in airtight spandex, which would otherwise be covered in sweat and humidity. 


Ororo covered her mouth as she let a chuckle out. “Are you finally taking some advice from Hank?”


“He seems to have his life together. He’s the only one doing something." Logan replied. 


Hank had thrown himself into the throes of the new state of the art labs that Krakoa had to offer. His productivity had increased ten - fold now that he wasn't being bound by the Avengers in his research. The fact that he had near unlimited funding helped it, too. Logan knew that was just Hank's nature, to constantly create; good or bad. However, it still made him feel like his life was empty because it couldn't be quantified in research papers and dazzling academic achievements. 


Not being a commanding leader after years of being one, despite his dislike for war, was leaving a gap in his life that he wasn't sure how to fill. Celebrations came a dime a dozen around here, but they weren't very good distractions. 


"It is an adjustment period. Maybe you should take it as a break. You don't need to create. Just relax, and breathe." She continued to bask in the beauty of the lush tropical forest around them. A flock of small blue winged birds came out of the trees above the pair, as if to emphasize her point. 


Ororo was right. Breaks like these didn't come often, they were usually preceded by periods of loss and mourning. Even though he had been around for longer it seemed like Ororo knew more about everything than he did. Ororo had lived without fear. She did not only stop to smell the roses, but also admire the petals of every other flower. Despite hardship, she only allowed herself to be turned into a diamond and not to dust. 

There was a trick that he once learned, when Yukio was still on his team, to count to five while holding each breath to help focus and concentrate his thoughts. He would be lying if he had said that he used this often. For the most part Logan acted on whims and instinct if he could be the only casualty. 


Ororo noticed him moving his fingers. He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. Holding it in, his hand slowly began to ball into a fist. Momentarily he could feel some sort of relief. There was a brief clearness in his mind. 


"What are you doing, Logan?" Ororo asked curiously. 


"You told me to not take advice from hank, so I'm tryin' to take yours." He opened his eyes again.  He didn’t discover a new color in the rainbow, or open his third eye. He couldn't tell if the breathing had changed the world around him or if Krakoa was always this bright and saturated. He hadn't allowed himself to take in this life, this new experience, fully. There was always disbelief clouding his judgement. Maybe it was time he put on his rose colored glasses for once. 


"I never said to not take any advice from him." Gingerly, Ororo put her hand on Logan's shoulder. "I just think he does not know you as well as I do." 


"Did help to just breathe?" She inquired. Logan's tense shoulders were relaxed. Her already beaming smile seemed to grow just a little bit more. He seemed to even lean into her touch. 


Logan returned the gesture his hand on her waist, pulling her into a strong side hug. The scarcity of affection was no longer something Logan would allow to be the constant in his life. 


“It helped.” Being with Ororo, however, also always helped him.  He didn’t beam like Ororo did but he did smile. 


“Then, Logan, I might like this more introspective you.” Ororo laughed and put her head on top of his, pulling him into a tighter hug. “Now that you’ve done some introspection, is there anyway I can pull you away from this to join Kurt and I for dinner?


“You can always try.” 

This could be something he could get used to.