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Woke Up Married

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Felicity cracked one eyelid open, moaned at the shaft of light that attacked her, making her head throb, and gave it up as a bad idea, shoving her face back into the pillow.

Except the pillow moaned too, and seemed somehow firmer and less fabric-like than she was expecting it to be. "Time is it?" mumbled the pillow, catapulting Felicity into full wakefulness. Sitting up, she blinked rapidly, making out the slightly blurred-around-the-edges hotel suite she was in.

And, okay, that was definitely not a pillow.

Oliver, naked to the waist--and quite possibly more naked than that, but modesty preserved by a tangle of blankets--grumbled a low protest as she moved away, then snuffled his face into her thigh, his stubble prickling her skin in interesting ways.

"Oh, wow," Felicity said, prying away a section of the sheet to wrap around herself, since she was also--she peeked underneath--yep, totally naked. "This seems compromising."

Oliver looked amazing, peacefully asleep in the morning light, muscles extravagantly defined and features sweetly innocent--what she could make out of them without her glasses, anyway. What a let-down she couldn't remember sleeping with him.

Felicity hoped one of them had at least had the foresight to take video.

She lifted a hand to rub her aching head, but stopped midway, arrested by the gleam of metal on her finger. Swallowing a gasp, she looked intently at her left hand, holding it up at optimum nearsighted-without-glasses distance from her face. There was a wide gold--no wait. Upon closer inspection, there were two slim gold bands on her ring finger, one stacked on top of the other. Why would she...?

With a feeling of dread, she looked down at Oliver, unearthing his left hand from the crumple of sheets and squinting at it.

Two gold rings, stacked one on top of the other. Did that mean...

The front door to the suite slammed shut, and Oliver jerked awake, his suddenly-alert gaze fixed on the bedroom doorway, assessing for threats.

"Oh good, you're awake." Diggle walked in, wearing last night's shirt and suit pants, but somehow making it look completely flawless and deliberate. He fished in a bag he was carrying and handed Felicity a bottle of water crammed full of what looked like some of Oliver's magical Chinese cure-all herbs. It tasted foul, but Felicity just grimaced and drank it anyway. Dig gave Oliver an identical bottle, two very familiar-looking gold rings gleaming on his left hand as he took a swig from a bottle of his own. "Looks like we need to talk."

Oliver's face seemed to go completely vacant, the way it did when he was confronted with emotions of most kinds, or information he wasn't ready to handle.

"Okay," Felicity said, after a fortifying draught of herbed water hopefully designed to neutralize her hangover. "Right. So, uh, anyone remember what happened last night?"

Oliver shook his head, his gaze riveted on his be-ringed hand.

"Nope," Dig said. "But I did find these." He set down his empty bottle on the bedroom dresser, and picked up a few sheets of paper.

Without looking away from his hand, Oliver reached over to the nightstand, set down his own empty bottle and came up with Felicity's glasses, handing them over to her.

Putting them on, Felicity took the papers from Dig and stared, shuffled them, then stared again "Okay," she said faintly, passing them to Oliver. "So it looks like we got married."

Oliver finally looked away from his hand and down at the papers, staring intently at each of the three marriage licenses. "This can't be legal," he finally said, voice low and scratchy, dropping the papers down onto the bed.

Dig shrugged. "It's Starling City."

Oliver seemed to rally. "It may be Starling City, but it cannot be legal for you to marry Felicity and me at the same time, let alone the fact that Felicity and I are also married. That's--that's a lot of bigamy, Diggle."

"Hey," Dig held up his hands, his rings gleaming in the morning light. "If we were in anywhere else, I would totally agree with you, Oliver. Anyway, even if the law does seem to work kind of differently around here, I'm thinking it probably isn't valid if we didn't consummate the marriage. Ah, marriages."

Oliver covered his face with his hands.

Felicity shifted experimentally, feeling the stretch of muscles long unused and the deep, sweet soreness between her legs. "Um," she said. "I think it's fair to say the marriages were consummated. Probably a lot." She really, really hoped someone had made a video. She was checking all of their cellphones as soon as she made it off this bed.

Putting down his hands, Oliver grimaced. "Definitely consummated," he said, shifting around on his ass.

Dig coughed, looking embarrassed. "Sorry about that?"

Felicity waved away his apology. It sure didn't feel like he had anything to apologize for. Unless there was no video. Maybe Oliver knew some meditation techniques to unearth buried memories, she thought hopefully. "Okay," she said, trying to remember in spite of her hangover. She drained her herbal water, willing it to work quickly, and Oliver wordlessly took the bottle and set it aside on the nightstand. "So it looks like last night, the three of us got spectacularly drunk--" she thought she remembered, faintly, Oliver laughing as he topped up all of their drinks at the hotel bar, his face soft and open and happy as it rarely was-- "and then drove around town--" the three of them, holding each other up and jostling their way into a taxi, giggling like schoolchildren when Dig asked to be driven to the nearest all-night chapel.

"Getting married," Oliver said, staring down at his hand again. "Over and over again, in different combinations. I bought rings."

"They're really nice rings," Felicity offered. "I mean, I don't know much about wedding rings, it's not like my mother ever had one, but they look really, uh. Tasteful." And wow. She was probably the first person in her family to actually get married in a couple of generations. Somehow, she wasn't sure her mother would be proud, considering she'd gone to the opposite extreme. "Hey, you're not still married to Lilah, are you? Because that would be awkward."

Dig shook his head. "Nope, I'm free as a bird that just married two people in unions that are probably completely invalid anywhere outside Starling City limits," he said.

"So there is a solution," Oliver said, looking determined.

Felicity and Dig stared at him.

"We don't leave town," Oliver pronounced. "Under any circumstances."


The corners of Dig's mouth lifted up in a tiny smirk, and he finally pushed away from the dresser. "Oliver," he said, moving closer. "Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

Oliver's face was Ken-doll vacant, and Felicity had too much of a headache to deal with it.

"I could be married to you guys," she blurted. "I mean, if you wanted. If I was going to marry anyone, it would be you two. We already share each other's deepest, darkest secrets, and we spend all our time together, and uh, it feels like the whole consummation thing went really well. Really, really well."

Dig smiled at her. "Yeah?"

"Also, I feel I should mention you're probably wearing too many clothes," Felicity added. "Or Oliver and I are wearing too few, but my way sounds more fun, so."

Dig's smiled widened. "Oliver?" he asked.

"You guys know I'm not very good at monogamy, right?" Oliver said, looking up at them. "Or feelings. And I pissed off a lot of people besides Slade on that island, so I'm not exactly safe to be around. And I may have some anger issues, and some PTSD."

Felicity flashed in on the night before, Oliver down on one knee, holding onto both her and Dig's hands, face flushed and happy. Proposing.

"I do," she said, just as Dig said the same thing.

Oliver blinked, then reached for Dig in some kind of ninja move so fast Felicity couldn't track it, hauling him onto the bed and attacking the buttons of his shirt, both of them kissing each other like it was a contest and somebody was going to win... something. Whatever it was, she was sure it would be interesting to watch.

"Felicity," Oliver said, coming up for air, "you going to help me with this?"

"Oh, yeah," Felicity said, scrambling from the bed. "But first let me just go grab my cellphone." There was no way this time was going undocumented.

For posterity.